Whew, almost forgot to update today because I was so busy. Thank God I got the idea to set an alarm to remind me every week!
But as always my lovelies, go ahead and enjoy this chapter and don't forget to toss me a little review, to let me know what you think~ ;)
P.S. All Attack on Titan characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I only own my OCs.
11. Silence
~ 850 ~
Darkness.
That was the first thing she could recall seeing when she came to her senses. Darkness, and in that darkness... nothing.
She could hear nothing... not the sounds of battle, or the wind, or even her own breath. She could taste nothing... not the blood, or the dirt. She could feel nothing as she reached out into the void... not the ground beneath her, or the air around her, not pain or even her own body. And yet it was comforting... a sweet nothingness that would lull her to sleep for eternity. A pleasant emptiness, where she would have no more worries, no more struggles, no more pain... a place where she would have nothing and be nothing.
"I don't want you to die, Natalie... do you understand?"
The voice that echoed faintly in the dark – so muffled and yet so vivid – caused her eyes to snap open; had she even opened her eyes? Everything was just as pitch-black as before. Was any of that even real... was she even real? On that thought she raised her hands to feel her face and all at once realized she was sitting. That she could see her hands in front of her face, that she could feel the fingers trailing down her cheeks, that she could hear her breaths and her heartbeat drumming in her ears.
Much too suddenly she noticed she was no longer alone and when she looked over to her right, she saw herself. But it wasn't herself... it looked like herself, yet she knew it wasn't. Standing, she cautiously approached and finally comprehended that it was her Titan watching her. The closer she got, the larger the figure became leaving her feeling dizzy as her mind tried to process the odd perspective shift. At last she reached the figure to find it sitting, towering over her such that she felt incredibly small and insignificant next to it. Yet its gaze was so gentle, and its touch so delicate when it picked her up, bringing her to rest over its heart with all the tenderness of a mother cradling her child.
The warmth that wrapped her like a cocoon was so comfortable that she had to close her eyes and abandon herself to that pleasant sensation. And then, faintly at first but rapidly growing in intensity, all feeling rushed back into her.
=0=0=
She could hear the birds chirping high in the canopy above, she could feel the solid ground beneath her, the leaves and branches of the bushes she had fallen into. She could taste the blood on her tongue, felt the pain in her body, heard the crunch of broken bones when she tried to move. She couldn't tell how long she lied there, waiting for her body to heal enough so that she could get up. To her fortune she had fallen on her side, and the blood which had overflowed from her internal wounds hadn't blocked her windpipe though breathing was still difficult.
Then, slowly but surely, she managed to move her arms and lift her head. Her legs were still useless, but as long as she was alive they would heal. The sharp pain that momentarily cut her breath when she rolled onto her stomach told her she likely still had some broken ribs. The skin on her cheek felt rigid, and when she reached up she felt the dried blood which stained half of her face. At the back of the head her hair was matted with more caked blood which she imagined had come from some injury to her skull. And then, in a sudden rush of panic, she recalled why she was in that situation to begin with.
'What happened to everyone? Is Eren alright? Levi... Erwin...'
Gritting her teeth she used her arms to crawl out of the bushes; she was still somewhat disoriented but the damage left on the nearby tree, where her body had broken off part of the bark, told her the direction she needed to head in. It was agonizing, having to move at such a slow pace, but she had to make it back.
'I promised... just wait, Levi...' she goaded herself on. 'Just wait for me...'
Eventually she reached the clearing where they had battled only to find the bodies of her teammates were gone, nothing but bloodstains left behind on the grass. At first she panicked and glanced around for any Titans, before reminding herself that they didn't feed on corpses. Taking a few moments to catch her breath and rest her arms, she picked the direction she recalled they had come from and started crawling again. She didn't know where her gear was; it had likely unlatched and fallen somewhere near the tree. But she couldn't afford to wait there until she was fully healed, to go look for it. If the others left without her, she would never make it back to the Wall... she would die out there, alone, just like her brother.
'What if they already left? For all I know, I could've been unconscious for an entire day.'
Shaking her head to drive away those thoughts, she bit into her tongue to swallow the urge to cry. If she fell prey to fear there really was no chance for her to survive. She couldn't tell how long she crawled, until her arms went numb and her fingernails broke off from clawing at the ground. She could tell by the waning light that it was likely late afternoon... there was no way Erwin and the others would still be around. Then Levi's face flashed through her mind just as her eyes blurred with tears and she let herself fall onto the grass, heaving from the effort.
'I'm sorry... I couldn't keep my promise...' she sobbed.
She was starting to regain some feeling in her legs, but not fast enough for her to get up and walk. It would likely be another several hours until she was fully healed. And by then it wouldn't matter anymore – she would be stranded out there. With her ear to the ground she was startled to hear what at first sounded like thudding footsteps. Her heart squeezing with fear, she lifted her head to look for what she assumed was a Titan, only to gasp at the sight before her. Was she delirious? It was a possibility, due to how much blood she had lost. There was no way that was a horse she was seeing...
But then the animal got close enough that she recognized him by his specific markings, her eyes filling with tears of joy.
"Ran!" she called out, barely remembering to whistle for him.
Perking his ears, the stallion slowed down to a trot until he reached her side, lowering his head as if to examine her.
"I can't believe this... I'm so happy to see you, carrot breath!" she laughed, reaching up to stroke his muzzle.
At first he pressed his muzzle against her thigh and pushed, as if urging her to get up. When she failed to move, he snorted and tried again.
"I'm sorry, Ran... I can't stand right now." she shook her head when she caught the horse's eye.
At least she wasn't alone anymore, which made things seem just a little bit less hopeless. Though she still had no idea how she would ever get in the saddle in time to catch up to the Survey Corps before they got back to the Wall. But then she was left to marvel again at the stallion's intelligence... apparently having understood that she couldn't walk, he carefully lowered himself on the grass next to her so she could pull herself onto his back. For a moment she could only stare at him, unable to process how he had figured that out.
"You're a genius, carrot breath..." she smiled, reaching to stroke the side of his neck.
Using the saddle itself as leverage, she eventually managed to pull herself up. Taking off her harness, she used the leather straps to fasten herself to it. If she wanted any hope of catching up to the others she couldn't afford to let Ran go slowly, and she didn't want to slip off his back as he galloped.
"Alright, Ran... let's go."
At her words and the tug she gave to the reins, the stallion cautiously got back to his feet. At first he walked a few steps until Natalie figured out how to spur him to a gallop without using her legs. But eventually, after taking a bit of time to gain her bearings and try to guess which way to head, she directed the horse to follow the opposite direction from where he had arrived.
~ oOo ~
"Are you sure you searched thoroughly?"
"Yes, Captain..." one of the Scouts nodded. "There was no trace of her in the area."
Scowling at the report, Levi turned to look at the horses bearing their now deceased riders wrapped in cloths.
"Wasn't her horse tied with the others?"
"He took off into the forest as soon as we untied him... we didn't have time to go chasing after him."
Nodding, he allowed the two to unload the bodies and set them next to the others, while he once again turned to face the forest. What the hell was going on? She hadn't been crushed along with the others, she hadn't been eaten by that bitch... how could she just disappear without a trace? Did he really have to settle for believing that she was dead somewhere among those trees? Even if he wanted to believe otherwise, the moment Erwin gave the command for them to return to the Wall, it would spell her death sentence. Even she couldn't survive alone in Titan territory.
'You promised...' he huffed, scowling at the distant forest that had claimed the lives of so many, that day. 'You promised!'
"Levi... did they bring your team back?"
Erwin's call visibly startled him and he turned to see the man watching him expectantly. When he silently gestured towards the patch of grass where they had gathered the corpses, the Commander took a moment to count them before turning back to him.
"No Natalie?" he inquired on a gentler tone, receiving a shake of the head as reply.
That left him conflicted; on one hand he wanted to send another team into the forest to search for her. But the sun was already starting to go down and he didn't fancy spending the night there after taking such a heavy blow.
"I'm sorry." he at last said, momentarily weighing a hand onto Levi's shoulder. "We'll have to move out soon."
Though Levi was no longer looking at him, Erwin didn't need to see his face to know how he felt about that statement, when the Captain grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip and shoved his hand away.
"We can wait another hour, while we finish identifying the bodies and loading them on the carts." he said just as calmly as before. "But then we have to leave."
With that final statement he once again left Levi to himself and returned to his work. He didn't even know why he was trying to give the man any semblance of hope that she was still alive. It was more than clear that, if she had indeed been alive, she would have sought to rejoin them. Contemplating that as he stared at the girl's name on his list, he was just about to write her off as MIA when one of the lookouts posted around them shot off a flare gun.
"Movement from the forest!" he called out, several of the Scouts immediately jumping up and preparing for an attack.
"Wait... that's... that's not a Titan!" one of them stated, narrowing his eyes against the early evening sun. "Is that... a horse?"
Cupping his hands above his eyes for shade, another of the men at last noticed the rider laying on the animal's back.
"There's someone in the saddle!" he called out. "Commander... someone's coming!"
Standing as well, the young Captain joined the group while Erwin requested a spyglass brought to him. However, Levi didn't need that to see the flash of red hair fluttering on the current, or to recognize the horse that was galloping towards them. At first he didn't even believe his own eyes... maybe he was delusional from the grief of losing his entire team. Or maybe the sunlight was playing tricks on him.
But then his body moved on its own and he limped forth, bringing a hand up to his mouth and whistling three short but sharp notes, the same way Natalie called Ran to her. And when the horse picked up the pace after hearing it, he was sure that it was Ran. Taking another step forward once the frothing stallion reached them, he grabbed the reins and reached out to stroke his muzzle.
"Well done..." he said, turning to one of the other men nearby. "Get him some water!"
With Erwin approaching and taking hold of the reins, he moved to the side of the horse where the redhead had passed out in the saddle.
"Natalie... hey, wake up..." he called out, reaching up to cup her cheek.
"I... made it..." she whispered, smiling faintly at the sound of his voice. "Thank goodness..."
Ordering one of the other soldiers to help him, he untied the harness around her legs and pulled her out of the saddle. He had noticed the blood in her hair and on her face; if anything he had to try and conceal the fact that there would likely be no wounds to explain it. That was his thought even when the weakness in his injured leg, coupled with her falling into his arms, brought him to his knees. Immediately removing his cloak he wrapped it around her, using the hood to cover the back of her head before Erwin got a proper look at her.
"How is she?" the Commander inquired after one of the soldiers had taken the horse from him.
"She'll live, I think..." he replied, carefully laying her on the grass and starting to check for any broken bones. "Nothing seems to be broken, so it's likely just shallow wounds. She should be fine."
"I see. I'm glad to hear that... you can put her in the cart with Eren, when you're done checking on her."
Though it was almost imperceptible, the skeptical inflexion in his tone didn't escape Levi's ears. Regardless, he wouldn't willingly say anything more on the matter and instead turned back to the redhead.
"How are you feeling?" he asked once she had opened her eyes, his hand again finding its way to tenderly caress her cheek.
"I'll live... I promised, didn't I?"
Her retort brought out one of his rare smiles and he had to lean down to press a kiss to her forehead.
"Yeah, you did."
"But really, I'll be alright... my legs are kind of useless right now but they should heal by tonight, I hope." she whispered. "I'm just really tired..."
"Then sleep. I'll be right here." he nodded, waiting until she drifted off before he got one of the soldiers to help him get her to the carts.
About halfway there, however, when Erwin called out for the group to prepare for departure he paused to think it over again. Something still felt off and he would be damned if he didn't listen to his intuition.
"Come with me..." he beckoned the soldier who was carrying the unconscious woman.
Heading over to his mare he mounted and gestured for the man to hand her over, setting her in his arms.
"Are you sure about this, Captain?"
"Yeah. Get back to your horse, we're moving out." he nodded, turning his eyes back to Natalie and holding her tighter. 'I'm not leaving you alone again.'
There was no safer place in their formation, other than right there in his arms, and he would make sure she didn't get hurt again.
"Giving me preferential treatment, Captain?" she whispered, stirred from her sleep by the commotion rising around them as the formation prepared to depart.
"Here I am, risking my life to keep you safe, and you feel like cracking jokes..." he retorted, his lips twitching towards a smile.
At first she didn't reply, unable to hold back the pleasant shiver which crossed her body when Levi's low, smooth voice filled her hearing and his warm breath tickled her cheek, with how close she was to him.
"Is that it? Then, I'm grateful... just try not to die for me, after I went to the trouble of surviving for you." she at last said, turning to look at him, only to suddenly realize they were so close her nose had brushed past his cheek.
Well, that was to be expected given that she was trapped in his arms. But it still wasn't any easier to keep herself from reddening, when all at once his sky-blue eyes burrowed deep into her soul as if he was intentionally trying to ensure that she would never be able to remove him from her heart. And then, completely involuntarily, her gaze fixated on his lips for a moment until she realized what she was doing.
"I'm never letting you out of my sight again." he promised, while she gawked at him with those wide, innocent eyes.
~ oOo ~
"Are you awake?"
Levi's question made Natalie realize she had at some point passed out in his arms again, her body having forced her to sleep so that it could recover.
"Yeah..." she sighed. "Did we make it back?"
"We're almost there. I can't believe you were able to sleep through that racket earlier."
"...Racket? What happened?"
For a moment he didn't answer, nor did he look at her, but she felt the way his hand squeezed her arm pulling her closer to him.
"We got a few Titans on our heels so we had to dump the bodies."
Her eyes widened at the information and she turned to look back over his shoulder. And as it slowly sank in that their teammates' corpses had also been left behind, she wrapped her arms around him hoping it would offer some measure of comfort.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered, feeling the sting of tears. "If I hadn't hesitated, maybe Eren and I could've taken her down together. Maybe everyone would still be alive, if I hadn't—"
"Stop it. I know why you held back and it wasn't your fault."
It was clear as day that she had taken his advice to heart, so if anyone should have taken the blame for his squad's death it was him. But the same was true that she would keep blaming herself no matter what he said, he was fully aware of that. She was just that stupidly kind...
"I'm just glad you're alive..." he at last said.
When she wrapped her arms tighter around him and hid her face in the crook of his neck, unable to hold in her tears anymore, he pressed his cheek to the side of her head.
"I know it's selfish, but I can't help it... out of everyone, I'm glad it was you who survived."
As she had expected, their return to Karanes was met with disappointment and anger over the huge number of casualties. But the hardest thing for her, by far, had to have been watching Levi as Petra's father caught up to them. Apparently he had been under the wrong impression that Petra wanted to marry Levi, after she had written home about joining his squad and devoting herself to him. She knew that wasn't what the woman meant, that she wanted to devote herself to him as his soldier, but she couldn't imagine what Levi had to have felt in that moment. Even after they had reached the barracks and she had seen his face when he'd helped her off the mare's back, she could tell his soul had withered. And the worst part was that she couldn't even offer him any comfort, when he urged her to go clean herself before anyone realized she was much healthier than she should have been in that situation.
It was already dark by the time she returned to her room after a thorough bath, and the emptiness that hit her as soon as she opened the door was almost like a physical blow. Petra's things were still in their usual places, and she couldn't stand the thought that they would be gone soon, leaving no trace of her in that room. Walking over to the woman's bed she reached out for the book on her nightstand, plucking out the knitted bookmark she had used; a green background onto which the Survey Corps' winged emblem had been sewn in black and silver. Weighing it in her hand for a moment she eventually fell onto her seat on the bed, her gaze blurring with tears, and all she could do was to crush it in her grasp while she sobbed quietly.
Eventually she had curled up onto her roommate's bed, holding the precious memento to her chest until she ran out of tears. A knock at the door startled her, and she realized she had lost track of time. Sitting up with a sigh, she contemplated not answering until the second knock changed her mind. She really didn't want to be alone right then; even just having to report to Erwin was better than staying there, and she pondered for a moment whether she should just spend the rest of the night outside. She was certain she wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, surrounded by memories of her friend.
"...Captain." she blinked in surprise at seeing him standing in the hallway when she finally opened the door.
Hastily wiping away the last of her tears, she tried to lower her head in hopes of hiding her puffy eyes.
"You don't need to hide from me. How are you feeling?"
"I don't know..." she whispered, gesturing for him to come in and closing the door.
Eyeing the bookmark in her hand, he reached out to cover her fist with his palm, startling her into looking back at him.
"No one can predict the end result. It doesn't matter if you put your faith in yourself, or your comrades... it's not your fault that they died."
When her face scrunched up in sorrow again, he sighed and stepped forth pulling her into his arms, one hand going up to sift through her damp hair.
"I know it's hard, but don't burden yourself with their deaths. Those are on me."
"What... you weren't even there, Captain." she protested, her voice muffled against his shoulder. "But I was... I could have done something about it. I just chose to protect myself, and they paid the price for it."
"No, you chose to listen to me. You chose to protect me, because you're too stupidly kind to be selfish."
Letting her lean back so she could look at him, he briefly examined her disapproving frown and knew she was about to argue with him. Well, he wasn't as good as her at saying the right thing to shut her up... and so he did the one thing he could to prevent her from speaking. Clasping her head between his hands he pulled her mouth to his, feeling her stiffen in surprise against him. He knew he had crossed a line that he wouldn't be able to go back from; that this was something which would change their relationship definitively, for better or worse.
But somehow it didn't feel wrong. Rather, it felt natural and pure and... it felt like something he had longed to do for some time.
"Even now, there is going to be something beyond this pain; we'll keep living for them." he reminded her, moving his lips up to her forehead and finally speaking what he had wanted to tell her from the moment she had come out of that forest alive. "Thank you... for keeping your promise."
Just hearing her tiny sniffle, he could already tell she was on the verge of crying again. And so he pulled her into a tighter embrace, burying his face in her soft hair with a long, tired sigh that melted into a shade of a smile. At first she didn't move, but then he felt her latching onto him the same as she had back at her father's estate, her hands wrinkling his shirt when she grabbed it.
"My mother would have loved you..." he said under his breath, only when she jerked in surprise realizing that he had spoken his thoughts out loud; what's more, that she had heard him.
Yet the silence that fell between them afterwards wasn't at all awkward, as he had expected. It was just... comfortable. It was soothing, as they held onto each other in the whirlwind of insanity that was the world they lived in, mourning their losses. It was consoling, as he allowed himself to sink into the realization that he hadn't lost everyone. He could have lost Natalie as well on that mission, but somehow... whatever higher power governed their lives – if any – had decided that she should survive. That she should be the one to come back to him; that she should be the one standing there with him.
Again he was reminded of his own belief that she had an important part to play in his life, and despite all the pain at the loss of his squad, he was incredibly relieved to have her there in his arms... breathing, warm and so very much alive. Without any conscious thought, he pulled her tighter against him and kissed the spot on her neck that his breath had been warming up, feeling her twitch at the unexpected gesture.
Though he never elaborated on his statement, she didn't push him to talk as if she knew that he just wanted her to be there with him and for him. His mother really would have loved her kindness, her bravery, her idiotic selflessness... even that sharp tongue of hers. For once he felt incredibly fortunate that this woman had somehow crossed paths with him; more than that, that she had chosen to devote herself to him, in every way that a person could devote themselves to another. And at the same time he felt incredibly selfish that he was taking her for granted, without responding to her in kind.
'Maybe that's where I'm headed anyway, with this brat.' he pondered in amused resignation, wondering if maybe what he felt towards her was actually of a romantic nature and he had just failed to pay attention to it.
It was the first time he had seriously contemplated such a thing, though he knew he would have to think on it with a clearer mind; preferably when he wasn't holding her in his arms. On that thought he at last released her and pressed another kiss to her forehead before she could say anything.
"Get some sleep..." he said gently. "Promise me you won't stay up all night, thinking about crap."
"I'll try... I can't promise more than that, right now." she at last cracked a subtle smile.
Though he didn't look pleased he nodded and stepped back, but when he stiffened as he leaned onto his left leg was when Natalie suddenly realized she hadn't even asked if he'd been injured on the expedition.
"Captain... what is it?" she asked, hurrying to take his arm.
"It's nothing. Just a sprain..."
"Wha—why didn't you say anything all this time? Sit..."
When he hesitated as she pointed at her bed, she stared him down as sternly as she could until he sighed and obeyed. Kneeling in front of him she slowly and carefully removed his boot.
"How long has it been like this?!" she gasped, seeing the reddened, inflamed ankle.
"...Back in the forest." he replied, clenching his jaw when she gently went to pull the harness off his foot. "I had to push that brat Mikasa out of the way, after she went for a blind attack like an idiot."
"Did she at least thank you for it?"
"After she watched me beating the shit out of her boyfriend? That'll be the day..." he huffed, his humor fading in a short, painful hiss when she went to check if the ankle was broken or not.
"Well you got lucky; it doesn't seem to be broken. Lie down... I'll get a cold towel to help with the swelling. But you should see a doctor in the morning."
Not waiting for his answer she stood and hurried out of the room, leaving him to sigh with a measure of amusement. It didn't feel all that bad to be bossed around sometimes, especially because he knew she was only doing it out of concern for him. Rather than lying down, he instead took that time to glance around the room. The bookmark she had been holding earlier now lay forgotten on her nightstand, next to the folded blue scarf that had once belonged to her brother. It was enough to bring back all his memories from that period, when she had been inconsolable.
Not wanting to dwell on that, he turned his eyes to the small bottle placed near the scarf and reached out to pick it up. Examining it closely, he curiously pulled off the glass stopper and immediately recognized the subtle rose fragrance he had smelled on her whenever they were close enough. Setting the bottle back in its place, his eyes then turned to the door when Natalie came back in.
"Why aren't you lying down?" she huffed. "I promise my bed is perfectly clean."
"I... wasn't even thinking of that..." he replied, somewhat caught off guard by the fact that that was where her mind had gone.
"Then lie down... oh, maybe you should take that harness off first. I know how uncomfortable that is."
Realizing he was not getting out of it, he at last removed his jacket along with the cravat that did feel like it was choking him, with how tired he actually was. Allowing her to take them and fold them neatly, placing them onto the chair set near the shared dresser, he popped his collar open and sighed at the sensation of relief that washed over him.
"Say, Captain... at this rate you'll take until tomorrow. Here..." she sighed, walking back to him and reaching for the leather strap across his chest.
It was almost unnerving how quickly and deftly she was able to undo the latches, after helping him remove the other boot and unlacing the belts around his legs. Only when she reached for the belt at his waist did she finally seem to realize she maybe had gotten a bit ahead of herself, and hesitated. However, Levi merely arched an amused brow and leaned back onto his hands with what could only be a shit-eating smirk.
"What? Don't let me stop you... you were doing so well." he teased. 'This is what you get for being impatient, you horny brat.'
"C-Captain...!" she panicked, her cheeks turning a deep red within seconds.
"If you're going to help an injured old man, you should do it properly. I'm really tired and I have a splitting headache... I'll just take until tomorrow, if I have to do it on my own."
Pouting at his arguments, she did her best to swallow the sudden knot in her throat and to ignore the heartbeat drumming in her ears. Stepping closer until she was standing between his thighs, she once again searched his eyes for permission, finding nothing but amusement and a defying spark like he was daring her to do it.
'Fine... be an asshole...' she pouted again, reaching to remove the belt as quickly as she could fully aware that she had to stare at his groin to do so.
It felt like forever, despite only taking a couple of seconds, before she managed to undo the latch and pull the belt off him along with the rest of the harness.
"I suppose you get a passing grade for effort." he retorted, a hint of humor laced in his otherwise unimpressed tone. "Well, you're still young... you have time to learn how to undress a man with more than just your eyes."
"Just lie down..." she shot back, sticking her tongue out at him in annoyance.
Doing as he was told he instead leaned back onto his elbows after pulling his legs up onto the bed. While she worked to pull the leg of his pants up so she could properly wrap his ankle, he went silent only tensing briefly at the cold when she placed the towel to his skin. However, it did serve to lessen the throbbing pain almost immediately and he was certainly grateful for that. It was when she leaned over him to retrieve a pillow so she could place it beneath his leg that he found the chance to grab her chin, startling her into staring at him.
"I told you the next time you stick that tongue out, you should be ready for the consequences." he retorted, narrowing his eyes at her.
She had just opened her mouth to reply when his hand moved to the back of her head, and she all but fell onto him when he again pulled her lips to his. That kiss, however, wasn't chaste like the previous one and it only served to blank her mind at first while she tried to process it. She felt when he grazed his teeth along her bottom lip in a taunting nip of the soft flesh, before the unfamiliar sensation of his velvety tongue startled her. Her instinctual reflex to jerk back was halted before it even began by the hand he firmly kept tangled in her hair, and she couldn't help but relax when she felt his free hand grasping hers onto the bed.
She knew she should have stopped him, that what they were doing was something he would surely regret later, that he was only doing it in the spur of the moment. But damn it to hell if she could put up any resistance against him, when that tongue of his so assertively sought to entice hers into tangling with it. When he tasted sweeter than any sin; when his fevered breath and the fresh scent of rain-washed forest, that always seemed to linger about him, filled her body with pleasant tingles. When it was so easy to give in, to let him take what he wanted from her.
When he at last released her for breath, he had to smile at the sight of her flushed cheeks which he trailed his fingers along. At the sight of her puffy lips, swollen from his harsh assault, which he gingerly caressed with his thumb. At the sight of the dazed look in her eyes and the feeling of her heated breath, coming in heaves entirely because of him.
"What... kind of punishment was that...?" she finally mumbled, trying to snap herself out of that sweet stupor he had left her in.
"The kind you were hoping for, you horny brat... don't even try to deny it." he retorted, his half-grin leaving her unable to deny the truth of his words. 'Well, I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't want that too; not that you need to know just yet.'
Pouting at him as much as her embarrassment allowed her to, she reached for the pillow again and to her relief he allowed her to straighten up so she could place it beneath his injured leg.
"I just can't tell with you, anymore..." she muttered, her face still burning annoyingly.
Turning back to him she grabbed his shoulders and forcefully pushed him down onto the pillow.
"Try to get some sleep..." she said, her tone surprisingly gentle for how roughly she had handled him.
"I'll try, I can promise that much. But you know it's not always easy." he replied, grabbing her wrists when she went to retrieve her hands. "You, on the other hand, had better not use this as an excuse to stay up all night."
"I won't... I'll just take Petra's bed for tonight." she promised, waiting until he released her only to sit at his side with a smile at his skeptical stare. "I said I'll sleep, didn't I? I'm just not tired right now... I did sleep on the way back, remember? I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."
Her words left him watching her with a complicated glance; that... was something no one had done for him since his mother's death. And when she reached up instinctively, going for his hair, he let her smooth the raven strands out of his face and comb her fingers through them.
"Don't stop..." he murmured, closing his eyes with a deep breath.
Thinking about it, it was such a stark contrast to the moment of passion they had just shared. And yet it felt so seamless, so natural, like just another piece of the jumbled puzzle that was their relationship falling into place. He failed to notice when slumber claimed him; all he knew was that at some point he returned to awareness while it was still dark out. In the faint moonlight coming through the window he could see Natalie still seated at his side, having fallen asleep in that same position.
'You stubborn brat...' he huffed, smiling in resignation.
Sitting up he carefully wrapped an arm around her, leaning her against his chest and startling her awake.
"I told you to sleep..." he murmured in her ear. "Or did I get you too hot and bothered with just a kiss?"
"D-Don't say that!" she retorted, covering her face with her hands. "That's so embarrassing!"
"Hmm? So it's true..."
His raspy chuckle was so unexpected that she shuddered without even meaning to, when it sent a pleasant tingle all the way down her spine. Next she knew he had leaned over to hook an arm beneath her knees, pulling her up onto the bed between him and the wall like she weighed nothing and causing her to squeak in surprise.
"Get some proper sleep, dummy..."
Lying back down as well, he heaved a sigh of relief and set one hand beneath his head staring at the shadows of trees playing on the moonlit ceiling. Only when she at last settled down facing him, did he glance at her to find the redhead watching him with that tenderness he had grown to adore and crave. No words passed between them and yet she somehow read his mind, reaching to the hand he was resting on his stomach. Weighing her palm over it and lacing their fingers together she at last lowered her gaze timidly before closing her eyes, scooting a bit closer to where he felt her breasts pressed up against his arm, their foreheads nearly touching.
It did occur to him, as he watched her serene expression, that he hadn't let his guard down completely around another human since the deaths of his friends. That he had so painstakingly tried to put up a wall around his heart to keep his emotions at bay – only for her to suddenly come prancing back into his life and tear it down, piece by piece. And it was that train of thought that, again without him noticing, eventually lulled him back to sleep.