Paradis University CLASS of 2022 and 2023: Application Essays

KIRSTEIN, Jean PU ID# 20230114 Class of 2023

How would you describe yourself as an individual?

I see myself to be a dynamic figure. I am the 1% of the 1%, if you will. In my high school years, I would woo women with my sensuous mane and actively seek to break their hearts. As a result, making them stronger and more resilient to the stresses of modern society. They would see me as a cruel man when in reality I was playing the long game for their benefit.

I am a food connoisseur, a tactician of the highest order, a prize-winning knitter. Technology becomes addicted to me. 10 min pizzas cook in 2 minutes before my gaze. To blow off some steam, I bench press my dreams. I am the CEO of not giving a f*ck. For I am the first man, to out pizza the hut.

Admission Decision: Admitted

BRAUN, Reiner PU ID# 20222345 Class of 2022

Why would you like to come to Paradis University?

When I popped out of my mother's womb, she lifted me up and looked me dead in the eyes. She proudly said, "One day son, you're going to suck at football. But you're gonna try anyway so I can feel good about myself."

Those bold words are etched into my brain and ever since I have strived to live up to my mom's wishes. At Paradis University, I believe I can blindly spread the wisdom my mother and my community kindly pressed onto me. Also, so I can act like I am good at being a wide receiver.

The applicant has been sent to a school psychologist.

Admission Admitted: Recruited to the football team on an athletic scholarship.

JAEGER, Eren PU ID# 20231934 Class of 2023

Describe an event that has shaped your life.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be a slave to society. We pay taxes just for the government officials to spend that money right back on us. Why not just keep the money in the first place?

Entertainment serves to rejuvenate cubicle workers after their workday so they can feel less miserable about their existence. They stay in their comfort zone and go about the same thing over and over again. It's a cycle of mediocrity.

Men have the tendency to build up sexual tension over time if they don't pleasure themselves. They are slaves to their primitive desires. I simply bite my hand to ward it off.

Personally, I choose not to follow the rules of society. For that reason, I let my hair and facial hair grow out because I am not bound to society's expectation of what a post-adolescent male should strive to look like. When people stare at me, I just keep moving forward.

I am free.

The applicant hasn't answered the question.

Admission Decision: Admitted; Presidential Scholarship

"So these are some of my students?"

"Yes Mr. Levi"

"Call me Monsieur Levi. I am un professeur de français afterall."