Guardian

by yasha012

I used to want to save existence... I saw it as this beautiful place, capable of fostering life in all of its many forms. A place with the potential to nurture so much Light. But the closer I got to it... the more I fought for it… the better I could see the Darkness waiting within… the evil we would all rather forget. (Part 4 of the Hero series; sequel to "Eternal Shadow Falls".)

114. Writing On the Wall

~保護者~

"Writing On the Wall"

~保護者~

It was nearing one in the afternoon by the time Shadow finally rolled out of bed on the nineteenth day of peace. His usual insomnia had decided to rear its ugly head the night before, causing him to remain wide awake and yet deeply tired until near sunrise. He wasn't thrilled about having slept so much of the day away, but at least he was no longer exhausted. Plus, the rest had done his wounds some good, it seemed. They were barely aching at all and were, in fact, mostly healed by this point. A welcome change, he decided as he exited his room.

Once down the hall, he spied the blankets in and pillows on the couches in his front room and huffed a little. There wasn't a mess or anything, that wasn't the issue. It was more that, well… sleeping on couches for any length of time wasn't truly comfortable. He decided not to let himself wonder why he suddenly gave a damn about other people's comfort. At least, not right now. Glancing over at Toru, he commented, "If you intend to continue to stay here, perhaps we should arrange for a better place for you both to sleep."

Toru lifted his head and raised an eyebrow at Shadow. "I wouldn't mind that," he answered easily, slipping out from under the blankets in a fluid motion and standing to stretch. "Nice couch and all, but I'll be damned if it's as good as a proper place to sleep."

This earned a huff. "There are spare bedrooms. I can clean a couple of them out. Tails and the others left things in them."

"If you're planning to do that, I'm gonna help," Toru huffed in response.

"I do not need help," Shadow was quick to remind as he walked toward the kitchen. "I am perfectly capable."

Toru glared half-heartedly. "I said I'm gonna help, Shadow," he repeated. "No getting out of that."

Shadow returned the glare very slightly. It wasn't genuine in the slightest. "And I believe that I said it wasn't necessary," he returned as he pulled a cup out of a cupboard.

"...Do you really think I'm gonna back down just 'cause you can do it on your own?"

"You are being needlessly difficult."

"So are you."

Shaking his head, Shadow let the matter drop and focused on getting a drink. Once he was done with that, he asked, "Where is your sister?" Given the time of day, he doubted she was still asleep somewhere.

The girl then decided to make herself known from the wall behind Toru, tilting her head as she simply dangled there. "Hello."

Toru glanced to his sister and groaned audibly. "Oi, you're not a demon-spawn. Stop crawling around on other peoples' walls."

"...No," was her simple reply.

As this was only maybe the second time Shadow had personally watched these two interact, he was interested to see what they would do. When they both finished speaking, he somewhat snarkily said to Toru, "I see it now. I see how she is related to you. She shares your attitude."

"Oi," Toru snapped, more amused than anything. "She doesn't share it, she learned it."

"My point still stands," Shadow shrugged. He idly shooed Toru out of the way and exited the kitchen and headed off toward one the guest rooms to begin cleaning it out of personal belongings.

Toru huffed at him and quickly followed to aid as he said he would, but only after collecting his sister from the wall she had attached herself to. "So, Shadow, what do you do with your life? I saw that you seem important to the people in that one facility, but I don't exactly know why."

It was quiet for a moment as Shadow thought that over. He opened the door to a room and led the way in before finally replying. "In ancient times, my father's family ruled over most of the known world. My father, for… complicated reasons, never took the throne. My brother had no desire to, either. However, after the events of the Nocturnian War, among other things… it became clear that leaving the people of the world to manage themselves was no longer an option. Out of necessity, I have taken up that duty as much as possible."

"Oh," Toru answered, unsure of how exactly to process that. "Well… that's interesting, I guess?"

Shadow snorted. "Hardly." With nothing left to say on the matter, he began picking up some miscellaneous items and putting them into a backpack that had been by the room's closet.

"I think interesting would be a perfectly good word to describe that," Toru said. He too began collecting whatever he thought didn't exactly belong in the room to bring to Shadow. Shadow only shook his head in disagreement and took the proffered items to put them away. "Anyway… what else should I know about you? I don't know much of your life, after all."

"There is little to tell," Shadow answered. "I have not done much. Others have while I was with them, but those were their stories. Not mine."

"You just sit off to the side, then? Aiding others with their stuff while keeping your life secretive?"

Crimson eyes rolled. "I have little desire to get involved in conflicts that are not my own, generally speaking. I aided my allies when they needed me to, but I did not do more than what was needed."

Toru smiled. "Do realize that I'm gonna go ask Tails eventually and if I find out that you lied to me, I'm gonna come right back and question the ever-loving hell out of you."

"Be my guest," Shadow invited rather casually.

"Alright, but know that I warned you," the chameleon said in return.

"Why are you bothering him so deeply about his personal life?" Myriu questioned Toru, once more simply hanging off a wall but now within this room.

Toru groaned. "Get off the goddamn wall!"

"No. Answer my question, and I may consider."

"Do you understand why you're here?" Toru questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Myriu tilted her head. "Because you killed mother?"

Toru blinked a few times before nodding slowly. Considering how nosy she was about some things, it stood to reason that she'd have known about this. "Well, partially. You're here because-"

"You like this man?" Myriu questioned. Shadow lifted his head, distracted from his work, to look at her blankly.

"I-" Toru groaned louder this time. "Get the hell out of here and do something in the living room or something."

She shrugged easily and crawled away, simply leaving them with a simple, "Alright." Shadow watched her go, then shook his head a little and returned to what he'd been doing. Once upon a time, the antics of children had had a habit of exhausting and confounding him. After Lia, however, he was vastly more capable of just brushing them off and moving on.

The male chameleon sighed softly. "She's always been like that. I'm glad she didn't take after my mother outside of some of her neutrality and bluntness, but sometimes I worry about her."

"Now that she is away from the unwanted influence, she will be alright," Shadow assured almost off-handedly.

Toru shrugged. "I suppose I just want her life to end up better than mine did. Can't imagine her having to go through the same shit."

There were plenty of questions that could have been asked about that, but Shadow knew enough to refrain from voicing any of them. "If that is what you desire, then make it be. You are her caretaker now. It is entirely within your power to give her a better life."

"And I intend to do everything in my power to do that for her," Toru answered immediately. "I won't let that happen to my sister." Shadow nodded in understanding. Rather than let himself get any more worked up than he already was over that matter, Toru instead decided to pose a new question. "So, since we met my remaining family, have you heard word about how your mother is doing?"

With a blink, Shadow motioned for Toru to wait a moment and left the room to retrieve his communicator (which Tails had repaired for him after he'd broken it in Hyale). He returned a moment later with the device just as it finished turning on. He had turned it off a day or two ago and powering it back on had slipped his mind. Once it was on again, he checked multiple missed messages (most of which went ignored) until one in particular caught his eye. After reading it, he murmured, "She is well enough to be visited. I was messaged this morning about it."

Toru blinked a few times. "Then… do you want to go see her? I know you care about her, and I'd like to meet her."

The answer to that went without saying. Shadow tossed his communicator on the bed and went to retrieve a teleporter. The message contained details of the location where Analia was, and he would be able to use this device to get there. When he returned, he asked, "What will you do with your sister?"

"I suppose I'll take her with us," Toru answered. "I don't trust that she'll stay out of your things considering how nosy she is." Shadow glanced down the hall to where she was and determined she was close enough for them to just go. As such, he activated the teleporter without another word.

They reappeared in the downstairs portion of a house. There were no lights on and the curtains were drawn, but Shadow could easily discern a figure standing by the stairs. The figure simply motioned up them. Deciding it wasn't worth the effort it would take to ask, Shadow simply headed up. Toru followed Shadow while Myriu chose to simply explore the new dark area she was in.

Once up the stairs, they were met with a room with the only open door. Unlike the rest of the house, this one was bathed in light from the open windows, which also allowed the breeze to come in. Shadow didn't hesitate to simply go in and greet Analia. She smiled brightly in spite of her exhausted appearance and spoke to him quietly for a long moment in her native language before lifting her gaze to the door. Seeing Toru there, she invited him in with a wave of her hand. "You may come in," she murmured. "You do not need to linger in the doorway."

Toru slowly nodded and followed Shadow's footsteps, coming to stand beside him and curiously examined Analia. Despite the Light she so obviously had within her causing his Darkness to spike lightly as if it were trying to retaliate, he already felt that he could trust this woman. "Thank you."

Analia tugged at Shadow's arm until he was sitting down on the edge of the bed, thus allowing her to see Toru better. She set aside the brush she had been attempting to use to brush her hair (it was mostly groomed but had horrible tangles in the back still) before speaking again. "May I ask what your name is?"

"My name is... " The slight hesitation only came in revealing his real name so early as opposed to giving his code name, something he wasn't generally fond of doing. "Toru."

She inclined her head. "A fitting name," she responded. Turning her attention to Shadow, she seemed to see something in his eyes that most anyone else would not have. "Do not worry so," told him quietly. "I am alright now. Nearly all of my wounds are gone. I will be fully healed soon."

Shadow huffed and looked away, but his posture very subtly relaxed. "I was not worried."

Toru huffed. "Likely story."

Before Shadow could retort, Analia gently cut in. "You do not need to argue with him, my son." Shadow only huffed again, but he listened and didn't begin an argument. Her attention shifted back to Toru. "If I may… how do you know my son? He does not normally keep any company other than his own." As it was the truth, Shadow wasn't offended or anything and largely ignored the comment.

"I've been hanging around him for the past month or so," Toru answered.

If anything, Analia was more pleased now than she had been before. "You are friends, then?" she inquired.

"I'd say so," Toru said with a light shrug.

Analia gave the matter some consideration. "I am glad to hear it," she soon said. "It is good for people to have bonds with others. To shy away from those as much as you once did, Shadow… it worried me for many years."

Shadow turned her earlier words back on her. "You did not need to worry," he almost mumbled. "I was fine."

"You were not," Analia gently chided. "You may not have felt lonely, but you were still not… happy. It pleases me that that is changing." When he still refused to look back over, she reached out and tugged at one of his ears in very mild reprimand. With a slight wince at the pinch of pain, he looked over. Once certain she had his attention, she gave another smile. "Will you do me a small favor?"

Without hesitation, Shadow nodded. "Anything."

Her smile only grew. "I am terribly thirsty," she admitted. "Will you get me some water?" With another nod, Shadow stood and immediately left the room.

"...So," Toru murmured. "You're his mother? Kinda, at least."

"I am," Analia agreed with a small nod. "I have always accepted him as one of my own."

Far more effort than my mother ever dared to put into life… "Considering how well he spoke of you, I believe I am far from surprised to see that you're a pleasant person," Toru stated. "Certainly someone that I would not mind being around."

"You seem decent enough as well," Analia gently teased, a small smile on her face. Then, more seriously, she added, "Truly, you seem to be a good person. I am happy that he found someone like you."

"Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it," Toru answered.

Shadow returned with a glass for Analia just as she opened her mouth to reply. He passed it over and she gratefully took a drink. Once she'd set the cup aside, she spoke again. "Thank you, Shadow. Now, sit down. Please, we have much to discuss."

Blinking once, Shadow did as he was asked. "Discuss?" he echoed carefully.

She inclined her head. "Yes. And, Toru, I would like to include you in this as well."

Toru had just been moving to leave, but stopped the moment he was spoken to. "You want to talk to me as well?"

Analia let out a small sigh. "Yes," she insisted gently. "This involves all lives, not just the lives of those within my family."

Hearing this was enough to convince the chameleon and he nodded, taking a seat by Shadow. "Alright. Begin whenever you're ready, I suppose."

The woman sighed again, though it was slightly less audible this time. "You both know already the dangers we are presented via the woman named Nareish and, regrettably… Kaden. However… there are other dangers that are presenting themselves. This entire timeline is in danger of collapse, so much so that aid is being drawn in from virtually all corners of existence."

Shadow's expression hardened. Collapse?

Toru coughed a few times in surprise. "I'm sorry, but what? Collapse?"

"Yes," Analia repeated. "There are multiple forces at work that have upset balance. This much is true. You can see evidence of it everywhere. Darkness has grown too powerful and widespread. Light is too dim to counter it alone. However, that is not the only problem we are facing. A new existential energy has come into being that, for close to two million years now, has been tearing this reality apart bit by bit. Other realities have already succumbed to its influence. And it grows stronger by the day."

The chameleon would have responded again, but this time he was simply too confused to really think up a proper answer. Shadow, however, spoke up. "A new existential energy?" he questioned.

"Yes, the sixth one," Analia nodded. "There was always going to be seven, eventually, but no one has ever known what they would be or when they would arise. This one is now here."

"So… what is this sixth one?" Toru dared to ask.

"To understand that, I must make sure you understand the others first," Analia replied. "They are all connected to one another. They all rely on each other. Without one, the others cannot exist in harmony for long enough to sustain balance."

"What are the others, then?" Shadow asked. He knew Light and Darkness would be two and that Chaos would have to be another, but what about the rest?

"It began with Aura, the energy that the very creators of existence were born from. This is the energy of creation itself, the same energy bestowed upon the Babylonians to sustain them and fuel their imaginative ways." Analia shifted into a more comfortable position as she continued. "From aura, Chaos was born. Chaos is, by its very nature, everything and its opposite. It birthed Light and Darkness. Born from an uneven mix of the two, the Void has now come to be. It is an energy of destruction and death, the counterbalance to Aura. But left uncontrolled, it will rend existence apart… as it is already working toward doing."

"...Oh," Toru murmured. He had no good response to this.

Shadow was frowning openly by now. "What is there for us to do?"

"Unfortunately… very little," Analia told them, almost apologetically. "The most you can do is be there for the one the Void has connected itself to. I do not know specifically which of our allies it is, only that it is someone you and I have known for many years. Without their friends to help guide them, they will lose themselves to this influence. And, thus, all else will be lost as well." Toru only continued to be quiet. As of this moment… he was hardly concerned with the wellbeing of the majority of their allies for a variety of reasons, but now he felt like there was a chance he was going to need to change that.

"I apologize for burdening you both with so much," Analia murmured, "but this is information that needs to be spread. It is no longer reasonable for this information to be kept within only a very specific circle of people. I wanted to make sure others are informed."

Toru sighed briefly. "Don't be worried about telling us. I'm happier that you said it, honestly."

Aftera pause, Shadow nodded his agreement. "It is better to know than be left in ignorance. I do not appreciate the latter." He stood up and motioned for Toru to do the same. "I would like for you to rest now, Mother. You are tired."

This finally earned one of her usual smiles, though it was smaller than he remembered her past smiles being. "I will," she promised.

The chameleon smiled in return to this. "We'll make sure to get the word out to people. Best not to leave anyone in the dark now."

She murmured her agreement. "Sonic is helping to do so as well. Whoever you are unable to reach, hopefully he will have time to speak with."

After saying their farewells, Shadow returned back to his home with Toru and Myriu. Once they appeared back in the home, the youngest of the three turned to Shadow and tilted her head. "So, I guess it went well?"

For probably the first time, Shadow decided to forgo any awkwardness and spoke directly to her… even if he did do it while wandering out of the room they had found themselves in after their teleport. "Well enough."

Toru motioned for his sister to stay where she was before practically appearing beside Shadow and very directly asking, "Do you think she liked me at all? Like, did I do okay?"

Shadow blinked a couple times. "If she disapproves of things, or people, she will say so. She will not be harsh, but she will speak up. That she did not do so with you means that she liked you fine."

The chameleon visibly relaxed upon hearing this and smiled. "I'm really glad. I want your family to approve of me… of us."

Shadow stopped walking and turned to look at Toru. "They have no reason not to," he stated frankly, even if the idea of there being an "us" still was hard to wrap his mind around.

There was a brief moment of pause before Toru blinked a few times. "Wait… say that again…"

After a second or two of vaguely confused silence, Shadow obliged and repeated, "They have no reason not to approve of you."

Toru's smile grew suddenly and he hugged the hedgehog. "You lovable bastard!"

Though initially taken aback, Shadow quickly recovered and huffed at the chameleon. "Lovable is hardly the word most people would apply to me," he half-grumbled as a means of hiding other emotions.

"Too bad. That's now the word I'm gonna associate with you," Toru remarked easily, laughing. With another huff, Shadow ran over the options in his head a few times before making a decision. It was awkward (for him at least), but he cautiously returned the hug with one arm without a word. Toru continued to hold him close before speaking again. "I'm really glad I met you. You gave me a reason to move on with my life and deal with the shit that bothered me." Another brief pause, then he added, "Thank you, so much."

For a variety of reasons, Shadow had no idea how to respond to this confession. There were things that likely should have been said, but he could immediately fathom what they were. So, with no better option presenting itself to him right then, he decided to remain quiet and just listen. Hopefully it would be enough. Why must everything be so complicated?

"Your silence says a lot, Shadow," Toru said with a small chuckle. "Come on, let's go be serious and talk to our allies. It'll be easier on you than immediately figuring out how you feel."

Rolling his eyes, Shadow lightly pushed Toru's shoulder with a small remark of, "Shut up," before heading off to retrieve his communicator. He refused to admit that he did indeed find work easier… or that he it had made him kind of happy to see Toru suddenly so happy himself. That was better left unsaid for now.

~保護者~

It had been three days since the outpouring of energy that had rendered Shei so out of sorts. He was finally feeling well enough to actually get out of bed and slowly make his way out of the spare bedroom. Nothing seemed to be out of place currently, at least on the surface. But what happened still nagged at him, especially when he entered the main room and saw the mixture of emotions on his partner's face. This may not go well.

"Sit," Aniko demanded lightly, motioning for him to sit in front of her. "We've… got a lot to talk about." Sighing silently to himself, Shei glanced around the room for an adequate seat and noting the absence of any prying eyes and ears in the process. He opted for one of the cushions at the table and sat down. The woman observed him carefully, not in a manner that made her seem suspicious of him, just in a calculated and unsure way. "How are you feeling?"

There wasn't too much he felt he could say to that, so he stuck with a simple, "Well enough, I suppose," and hoped it would suffice.

"Your energies are still calm," Aniko murmured. "Nothing like what happened has occurred, correct?"

"They appear fine, but I can't say for certain," Shei admitted, "since I don't know what truly happened in the first place." If saying that was true, and it was, why did his words feel like some semblance of a lie? Again something, something tugged at the back of his mind but no sooner than he reached for it, it was gone.

Aniko sighed and took a deep breath. "What the hell is Malevolence's Darkness doing inside of you?" she questioned harshly. "Tell me exactly what you know and nothing less."

The shift in her tone made him wince and he was quick to reassert, "I don't know anything, Aniko. I would not lie and tell you that if it wasn't the truth."

Her gaze sharpened and she stared him down for a long moment before sighing again. "I just want to know what's going on. Seeing that is… terrifying. What if Malevolence comes back after realizing your energy is partially it's own?"

"I don't know," he insisted. Then, for once unable to formulate a more adequate reply, he repeated almost weakly while lowering his hands back down, "I just don't know."

"You mentioned your mother before. What about her?"

Shei frowned, searching his memories of the events two days ago, before eventually replying, "I almost don't remember her. I remember nothing of her appearance, her face, her voice… just, nothing. Only that she was strong, far stronger than I, and there was something about her that always felt… wrong. I don't know what, and I certainly couldn't understand when I was so young. She left my life when I was barely older than Zei."

Aniko shook her head, unsure of what to make of all of this. "That ca-... Rose… she is going to speak to some people so we can try and figure out what to do so that doesn't happen again," she murmured softly. Shei could only nod, unsure again about what to say. He wracked his brain for any further information he knew, but absolutely nothing came to mind. He felt… helpless here, and he didn't like it. Without too much warning, Aniko extended a hand to him and wrapped a few threads around his body, pulling Shei to her so she could embrace her partner in a hug. "Don't scare me like that."

Shei hugged her back readily, more than a little relieved that she was no longer cold and angry. At least, for now. Once he was free again to do so, he signed in response, "I did not intend to do so. I'm sorry, Aniko."

"Cease," she murmured. "There is no need for you to apologize." Once again, Shei was plagued by a thought. What if... he did know something that he just couldn't recall?

What if he did have something to apologize for?

~保護者~

Sonic's heart felt like it about dropped through the floor when news reached him.

That Shadow had texted him at all was surprising enough. It had caught Sonic's attention immediately, drawing his attention away from his discussion with Amy straight away. He had been filling her in on, well, everything (and not at all enjoying the sadness in her eyes over the fates of his parents) when the message came in, causing him to trail off while reaching for his communicator. "What is it?" Amy asked as his eyes scanned over the message once, twice, and then three times - just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

He stood up immediately. "Shadow just- Mom's awake," he managed to get out. "Shadow just went to see her, and she's still up to being visited for a little while longer."

She joined him and laid a hand on his arm. "So go see her, you dolt," she gently chided. "Don't stick around here on my account. The rest of us can see her later. She's your mom. Go see her."

Almost choking up, Sonic nodded, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, then quickly teleported. There was no way he could go to… wherever his mom was on his own power, so he went straight to Jet. His friend was on New Babylon, which was about the only far away place that Sonic could ever manage to reliably teleport to. He just about ran to the hawk, who was seated on the floor in Lucas's room (Sonic still couldn't overcome his joy at learning that the child was back), playing with his son and occasionally tickling him when the boy got too goofy and clearly wanted an excuse to laugh.

Sonic hated to interrupt. He really did. This was such a precious moment. But he had to get some help here. "Jet," he called over from the doorway. Instantly, he had his friend's attention. "It's Mom," he explained quickly. "She's able to see people for a little while. I-I need help." True, he explained his plight a bit badly. However, Jet understood. He said something quietly to Lucas and stood, then crossed the room to where Sonic stood. Why Sonic felt nervous, he had no idea. Maybe he worried that his mother had changed drastically, like his father had. Maybe he was afraid of the condition she would be in. Maybe he was just a dumb worrywart who thought too much. Yeah, that seemed more likely.

What was surprising was that Jet so readily took note of Sonic's emotions. Even more surprising was that he took it upon himself to comfort Sonic, albeit in a way that was rare for him - and, naturally, it worked. He put a steady hand on Sonic's shoulder, grounding Sonic in reality and helping to pull his mind away from all of those treacherous what if's. However, no words were offered to further soothe Sonic's nerves. Jet kept things brief. Maybe it was for the best. "You have reached out to me with your mind before," he murmured. "Call out when you are ready to go home." Not explaining things further, he sent Sonic on his way.

He reappeared within an unfamiliar house. The architecture was distinctly Babylonian, but that was about all he recognized. He certainly didn't know who the black, energy-comprised entity lurking in the darkest corner of the unlit room was. Sufficiently creeped out, he tried to decide if this was some sort of terrible joke that he was the butt of. That ended when a disembodied voice emanated from the… person? and told him, "Up the stairs. She is awake."

It was best not to question it, he decided. "Uh… right. Thanks." Skirting around the speaker, he quickly ascended the stairs and through the only open door. There, his mother was sitting up in bed, slowly running a brush through her hair. Upon spying Sonic standing in the doorway, she offered a tired but no less genuine smile and beckoned him in. "Come here, my son," she murmured, lowering her arms.

Suddenly, he was choking up. He was barely aware of moving over to her and sitting on the side of the bed. However, he was aware of the hug he was pulled into. "I was so worried," he managed to get out. It was hard, getting words past the lump in his throat.

A breath escaped her that might have been a sigh and her already gentle tone gentled further. "I know, honey… I know. I am so sorry that you have been hurting…"

Sonic held her tighter (as tight as he dared, given that he didn't know what her real condition was) before reluctantly letting her go - but not before she kissed the top of his head lovingly and in a way that nearly made the tears burst forth. He offered a watery smile. In an effort to lighten both of their moods, he very gently teased, "It looks like your hair is plenty brushed, Mom… no need to keep brushing it, yeah?"

Analia giggled softly. "I suppose not. But it gives me something to do."

Without him meaning for it to, Sonic's smile wavered. "You looked like you were having a hard time reaching up," he said quietly. "Does it hurt?"

Another breath. This time, he was sure it was a sigh. "It aches," she admitted. "There are no marks anymore, but my bonds appear to have left deep bruising in various areas. But it is getting better."

His worry returned full-force in spite of her assurance. "So nothing else hurts?" he pressed. "You aren't hurt anywhere else?"

Smiling anew, the same soft smile he had missed for so long, Analia brushed her hand across his cheek. "Do not worry for me so," she told him. "I will recover. I need only continue to rest. The Light has been healing me, and it will continue to do so. I will be alright."

There was no way to refute her words. There was undeniable proof right here in front of him that she was being healed. She couldn't have mended her wounds so thoroughly through rest alone in such short time. So… it stood to reason that she really would be alright. Sonic did his best to let his worry go, to focus instead on enjoying her company and affection. He hadn't even realized before how badly he'd needed this… how badly he had needed her. It was so, so good to have her back in his life after so long.

He never intended to lose her again.

~保護者~

Espio readied himself. He crouched low, eyes scanning the makeshift battlefield closely. He had his son on his back, with the boy clinging comfortably to his shoulders and sleeping peacefully. He'd been encouraged to take Sako along after having been reminded that it was healthiest for chameleon babies to be with their parents as much as possible. With Sako so relaxed and calm, it was hard not to agree. He just needed to get better about applying that knowledge to his day-to-day activities. His gaze soon returned to his opponent. He shifted and backed away a little, encouraging her to move daringly closer. They both readied their weapons, each of them armed… with a stick.

In hindsight, the scene might have been called cute by some. Maybe even by most, if not for the fact that he and his daughter were both taking their mini confrontation very seriously. It was necessary to. Training that was too lighthearted would not be effective when it applied to real combat. She was little yet and he had no intentions of making her truly fight anytime soon, but even so. He toned things down enough that she could keep up, but not so much so that she wouldn't be able to show him what she could do.

For that to be accomplished, he had to slow things down. There was no speed today. Zei could always see him, he made sure of that. He stayed one step ahead of her at all times, though, constantly encouraging her to keep up - maybe even move one step ahead of him if she could. She copied his movements and footwork to the very best of her abilities, undaunted by the false threat he presented her with. In all fairness, he wouldn't have been fearful of a stick, either, even when so little.

They practiced like that for a time, him showing her footwork and occasionally doing something to mess her up just slightly (such as poking her with the stick) so that she could practice swiftly correcting herself. It was the very same sort of training his mother had done with him… although, he had been even younger than Zei was now. Perhaps he had just been over-eager.

Before long, he deemed her ready to move on to the next step. She'd caught on very quickly. Now it was time to use her newfound skills. He murmured instructions to her and stood. In response, she simply nodded, a gleam of determination in her eyes, and took on an offensive stance. It… needed work. But it was alright for now. They would work on stances later. For now, they would focus on this.

As it turned out, she had absolutely inherited her parents' speed. He hadn't been sure before, as she'd shown little to no sign of it. Now, however, it seemed that she was properly motivated to do so. He fended off her rapid barrage of strikes with upraised eyebrows and praised, "Good. Shinobi must always remain agile in battle. You are wise to make use of your speed." She beamed at his words. He felt a sort of warmth he was largely accustomed to bloom through him upon seeing her smile. Though unable to say for certain what it was, he strongly suspected he knew.

Parental love.

Strange though it was to think about, especially with how negatively he had viewed the concept of having children up until recently, he couldn't shake this feeling every time he was near them, laid eyes on them, held them, put them to bed at night, kissed their little foreheads as they fell asleep… Perhaps one day I will find the words to tell them. For now… he supposed he needed to focus. Maybe, with any luck, his little girl would find one more reason to smile and be happy with her new life. He truly wished she would.

For once, he was okay with having been distracted. He was unused to positive feelings and thoughts. Considering how rare they were, he decided he was okay that they had intruded, especially given what happened as a result. At the very moment that his distraction had occurred, Zei had rushed forward. He'd returned from his thoughts just in time to block, and wood met wood with a voluble crack. Oh, Zei was grinning now.

"Better," he remarked, letting his warm emotions sift into his tone and voice for her sake. "Using your opponent's distraction is a good strategy." Zei grinned some more and almost started to cheer, but stopped when he gave her a poke to her ribs with his weapon of choice. "However, if you become distracted, you put yourself at a disadvantage."

She smiled unabashedly for a second, but her expression quickly hardened with determination as they faced off again. There was no mistaking the look on her face. Resolve. Pleased at her improvement, at her own pleasure with herself for doing well, at this whole scene in general, he readied his stick and prepared for her attack.

~保護者~

[Journal scene]

~保護者~

Twenty one days into the peacetime, Wave stood with Cyril in the town where they'd both been raised, filling him in on all she could about the war and the like in the most concise way possible. She was glad when it was over, because talking so much all at once left her throat rather dry and unhappy. Kind of like me, she thought wryly. Well, the unhappy part, at any rate. Letting out a heavy sigh, Wave took a seat and said, "So, in a nutshell, that's what's going on, Cyril. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to find the time to tell you everything, and why we need your help. I didn't intend to just drag you into all of this and then run off like I did."

"You're an important woman," Cyril answered easily. "It's bound to happen, with the kind of magic you've got. Not to mention, you always seemed like you had it in you to do amazing things."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Wave chuckled. "But, while I disagree somewhat, I do appreciate it."

Cyril grinned at her and shrugged. "If I'm honest… I kind of expected to get dragged into something eventually. Considering that I lived this long, it's a miracle it hasn't happened a lot more than this."

"Oh you did, did you?" Wave asked, smiling faintly. "Why is that?"

The man snatched a playing card and held it up. "This stuff is nothing to trifle with. Not trying to toot my own horn, but they can have serious effects. Considering how strong some of them are, it's logical to assume that someone would've come to me eventually. I haven't sat completely idle, either," he revealed.

Wave debated asking about that last bit, thought better of it (knowing him he'd talk her ear off), then suddenly had a brilliant idea. He does so love to talk, but not many are willing to listen. Even fewer are willing to indulge his eccentricities and understand him as a person. But I know one person who just might. Smiling, she asked him, "Say, Cyril, how do you feel about making a new friend?"

Considering how unusual it was for people to simply invite him to meet new people for some of the same things Wave herself had just been thinking of, he looked at her in mild confusion. "Uh, sure?"

"Oh, don't be so concerned," Wave dismissed, standing back up. "He's nice, once you learn to look past his disinterested exterior. I just know you two will get along. Your magic will be fascinating to him."

Cyril nodded slowly before casting a curious look in her direction. "Are you just trying to get me out of your not-actually-but-metaphorical hair?"

With another laugh, Wave shook her head. "No, not at all. But I do genuinely believe what I said, and that he could use more friends. Most of the ones he used to have are long gone. You and him might end up gelling well together."

"I'll trust that you're not trying to get me murdered and give it a shot!" Cyril answered gleefully.

"Why would I ever do that?" Wave asked and winked before teleporting with him off to New Babylon. They landed on the top floor of the palace, where the bedrooms were all strictly for members of the royal family but where several important facilities (such as one of the medical wards) had many others employed. "Wait here," she ordered lightly, already on her way down one of the halls.

Cyril glanced around with plainly obvious curiosity, flipping one of his playing cards between his fingers as he waited. The longer he stood here, the more he began to realize where he was and how out of his league he felt. This is concerning.

After a couple of minutes, Wave returned, dragging Kath by the sleeve. He was frowning at her, but in a way that openly communicated confusion and the fact that he was annoyed at being confused in the first place. She finally released him once they reached Cyril. Wave pointed first to Kath, then to Cyril, and grinned. "You. Him. Talk." With that explanation, she promptly vanished.

"I-" Cyril started before chuckling. "She dragged you into this too, eh?"

Kath crossed his arms and looked away, distinctly unhappy in his demeanor. "It would seem so."

Unsure of exactly how to go about a conversation with someone he knew nothing about, he decided to go with the one thing he knew they had in common. Wave. "So, how do you know Wave?"

At first, Kath only shrugged. However, he soon followed it up with a brief explanation. "She is more familiar with the version of myself that originated in this timeline as opposed to me. I am only somewhat familiar with her due to her ties to my grandson."

"Oh? Who's your grandson?" Cyril asked. "There's a decent chance I know of him at least." Not gonna question the whole timeline thing. That's beyond me at this moment in time.

"Jet," Kath answered simply.

"Oh! I know him! He's really cool and interesting to talk to," Cyril answered. "Glad to meet someone he's related to."

In response, Kath simply looked at him and asked, "Why, pray tell, did your friend feel the need to bring me to you?"

Cyril shrugged. "She asked how I felt about making a new friend. Kinda odd 'cause people never get curious until they see my cards."

It was clear that Cyril was steering the conversation and, for now, Kath opted to let him. However, his tone remained bored and unenthused as he murmured a simple, "Explain."

There was a grin, something wide and excited before Cyril finally pulled out the card he'd been toying with earlier. "I was born with a gift. Something special and unusual. The kind that you don't see on the average person. No, I was unique and I had to do something with it!" Kath merely quirked a brow in Cyril's direction.

Seeing this, Cyril was only urged further. "Well, my gift laid in not only my luck, but my profession. You see, I'm a showman, the magic kind. I put on magnificent shows with my cards alone and this exact moment is how I do it!" He flicked the card up in the air and snapped his fingers. The card burned itself into nothingness and a strong burst of air filled the room. "I know that wind is not always the most showy of them, but it's far from something to scoff at when these cards helped repel invasions of unspeakable creatures from my home!"

Sounding and looking as bored as ever, Kath almost idly prompted, "Do tell…"

"Oh, of course!" Cyril grinned further somehow, slipping a card from his tarot deck. "Now, as I pull this card, know that the only powers I was born with that are significant lie in my cards and a special ability I cannot speak of, for its power is too great." He flipped it around to reveal The Magician. Within a moment, this card also burned away entirely and a clone of Cyril appeared beside him. They both spoke at once for a moment before Cyril realized how agitating that could be. "As you can see, these cards can have highly interesting effects. If you use them creatively, they can best even some of the most skilled fighters!"

Kath was quiet for a long moment, thinking about what he had just seen before asking his first real question of the conversation. "These cards… what else can you safely demonstrate?"

Cyril's grin faded slightly. "The… issue is that my tarot cards can only be used once every five or so minutes. My regular playing cards, being that they're random, could do serious damage if I don't use them carefully. I only used the first one because I knew the strength of it."

There was another, shorter, moment of pause. Then Kath asked a new question. "Your magic is bound to cards. Why?"

"It mostly seems to be bound to things that have random elements, I suppose? A properly shuffled deck gives you an even chance of drawing any card as your first, as an example. From there the chance is higher for each, but they're all still the same probability." Cyril shrugged. "That's the best I've got. As for why it's cards in particular, I don't know."

Kath inclined his head and finally openly admitted to his curiosity by murmuring a simple, "Interesting," in response.

Cyril blinked a few times. Up to this point he thought that Kath had been completely disinterested, so this was certainly a welcome shock. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Perhaps we will find a safer place for you to demonstrate this, some other time," Kath answered quietly, leaning back against a wall.

"I wouldn't be wholly against that," Cyril answered with a smile. "And maybe I can learn about what you can do as well?"

Pure blue eyes blinked slowly. "My powers are not as… grandiose as yours. They are simpler. But effective."

"Nothing wrong with that," Cyril answered. "My powers are grandiose because of the way I present them. Yeah, they're unusual and don't work like what most are used to seeing, but presentation takes them a long way."

"I suppose it does," Kath murmured noncommittally. After giving the matter some thought, he decided to divulge some information of his own. "As far as powers useful for combat go… I am limited to aura abilities and ice. I do not have any others."

Cyril chuckled. "I'd love to see them in action, preferably in a situation that's not serious."

"Combat, even mock-combat, is always serious," Kath responded with a very small shrug.

Suddenly realizing the way Kath had spoken previously, Cyril quickly inquired, "What about non-combat powers?"

Kath blinked, realizing his minor mistake, but forged ahead regardless. "It has no true name. Some know it as 'Vision'."

"What's it do?" Cyril questioned further.

After yet another pause, Kath continued. "It allows me to view the cosmos from wherever I am. I cannot interact with what I see, but I may view whatever I wish - provided I know how to find it."

Cyril froze on the spot. Wave, why did you do this to me?! "I, uh… You're… Kath… aren't you?" It was plainly obvious that he was finally beginning to put pieces together very suddenly.

Returning his attention to Cyril again, Kath nodded once. "Yes."

"I… I'm very sorry for being so outlandish and excitable," Cyril answered quickly with a groan. "God, if I'd known I would've acted like a normal person!"

Kath blinked several times before offering one simple reassurance. "If it had bothered me that you were acting as yourself, I would have told you or - more likely - left."

Cyril nodded slowly at this before laughing sheepishly. "I haven't been around Babylon for so long that it must've somehow slipped my mind who you were. Your appearance alone could've given you away if I'd paid attention."

"I suppose it would," Kath agreed. Then, after a very brief pause, he dryly remarked, "Perhaps, had Azerel not wandered away, his presence would have been a better indicator for you."

"Oh my god, I wanna meet Azerel!" Cyril said suddenly. "Please?"

"Why?" Kath found himself asking, raising an eyebrow again. He then added, "Most likely, he is off being lazy - usually by sleeping his life away."

"If I'm completely honest, it's mostly because of the relationship you two have. I love that sort of stuff and I just wanna see what your dynamic is like," Cyril answered quickly.

Reaching out with his mind, Kath determined where Azerel was at and motioned for Cyril to follow before walking off. He led the way down the hall they were in and toward the main hall, then into his observatory. One of the ornate double doors was cracked open just enough for a wolf to have slipped in. Sure enough, Azerel was asleep behind Kath's chair - his usual nap spot when Kath was working on things. The hawk walked over to the wolf and nudged him away with a boot. "You just had a nap, Azerel. Staying awake for a time would do you some good." Azerel cracked an eye open in an obvious glare and sat up, only then noticing Cyril. He managed to look even grumpier then.

"We don't have to do this now," Cyril suddenly said. "I'd rather not be face-to-face with an even mildly annoyed or upset wolf, especially not a Babylonian one."

"If that is the case, you will never have a chance to interact with him," Kath huffed, grabbing his chair and pulling it over to sit in. "He is always this way."

Cyril laughed nervously before cautiously stepping into the observatory. I swear, if I get eaten I'm gonna be really mad at you, Wave.

~保護者~

With a flash of Light, Rouge found herself unexpectedly falling through the sky. She sucked in a breath and twisted around to let her wings catch some air so as to slow her descent while she tried to get her bearings. Only, there was barely any time for that. Much to her alarm, she found that she was about two seconds away from crashing full-force into the roof of a small home. Only her sheer acrobatic skill saved her from doing just that. Instead, she managed to tuck and roll just in time to save herself from both an injury and a mess.

Once on the ground, Rouge stood and brushed herself off. "Well then," she said to herself. "That was hardly my most grateful of entrances." Turning her head, she looked back over her shoulder at the house she had thudded up against moments before. "Hope no one was sleeping in there… I sure made a ruckus."

The door swung open and Eila appeared quickly with a sword composed solely of magic, seeming far more startled than she wanted to let on. "Who the hell are you?" she questioned harshly.

Rouge blinked at her with faux innocence and said coyly, "You first, dearie."

There was a brief flash of irritation on the cat's face before she answered. "Eila. Now you."

"My name is Rouge," was the immediate reply. "For what it's worth, I had every intention of not landing on your roof."

Eila seemed to debate on this matter for a brief moment before letting her sword dissipate. "Then why the hell did you?"

"As outlandish as it sounds, I'm going to be frank - I fell out of the sky. Spontaneously. I barely managed to slow myself down." Rouge said all of this with an easy smile and gave a casual shrug.

With some careful consideration, Eila realized that there was little way she was faking this. "...Fine."

It was at this point that Rouge decided to look around properly. "If I may… where are we, exactly?"

"Middle of nowhere," Eila responded easily. "Far away from people."

"Well, I can see that," Rouge huffed.

"I've got no desire to be around people who don't want me around," she then added. "That's why I'm all the way out here."

Rouge was quiet for a moment. Her coy smile faded as she thought things over, then she shrugged. "Well, I won't dig into you about your problems. We've all got them, and I happen to know a thing or two about keeping secrets. I can get out of your hair, though, if you point me in the direction of the nearest city."

"...It's for the best that you don't dig into it," Eila murmured. "When it comes to where the cities are, I haven't the slightest clue. Haven't been on this planet in… a long time to look."

"Hm… well, this presents a problem," Rouge responded, crossing her arms and tapping one of her boots against the dirt. "Without my husband's impeccable sense of direction, I appear to be lost."

Eila sighed and tapped her foot against the ground a few times. "Alright, come inside. I'll find something for you soon."

The bat returned her focus to Eila. "Find what?" she asked, her mind briefly escaping her as she distractedly thought things over.

"A city so you can do whatever you need to," Eila murmured, stepping inside. "Or you can find it yourself. Either way works."

"I would rather not get further lost," Rouge decided aloud as she followed Eila.

Stepping inside revealed an entirely different area than someone would expect from outside. The room they entered was absolutely massive and scarce in furniture other than bookcases and a desk. Books were strolled about and notes were haphazardly stuck to the walls and bookshelves in a fashion that made little to no sense. "Sorry for the mess. Haven't cleaned in eons."

Rouge looked around with a small, wistful smile. "This… reminds me of my home-away-from-home," she murmured. "My father-in-law's home was a lot like this in most rooms. Just… books and knowledge everywhere."

"Hm," Eila answered in a murmur. "Most of this knowledge makes no sense. I've been spending the past week or so trying to decode the shit and figure out what it means."

"Why keep books you don't understand?" Rouge asked her.

"I wrote them," Eila muttered. "Not me, but it was me, I guess."

Though Rouge's head canted, she chose to keep her word from minutes before and not pry. "I see. Is it truly so important to understand them?"

Eila sighed. "I want to know what the hell I was thinking and how I went about it so I can better avoid some old mistakes."

"I see." Rouge looked around some more. "I don't suppose you keep any current maps."

"No. I only recently returned to Mobius," Eila murmured.

"Hm. What do you propose we do, then?"

Eila set a hand against the wall and magic poured out of her body to form what was essentially a giant world-view projected against the interior of the building. "This is what I usually do to locate new places on planets I go to. Very useful."

Upon seeing this, Rouge stared for a long moment before smiling. "That, I dare say, is far more fantastic. I approve."

A slight smile appeared on Eila's face before she looked to the map and pointed. "We're here, currently, and the nearest city is… far…" She grimaced lightly. "You don't plan on walking, do you?"

With a small laugh, Rouge lightly flared her normally folded wings. "I intended to use these. I can travel that sort of distance without too much trouble. Though, that isn't to say I'll be the fastest at it."

"...I can help you get wherever it is you're wanting to go," Eila said softly. "I won't make you do that."

"And I won't make you help," Rouge countered easily, "but if you insist on it, then I would be appreciative."

Eila nodded and motioned to the map. "Is there anywhere in particular you'd rather go?"

Rouge looked at it again. "To be honest… most of these cities are different than the ones I remember. However, this place," she pointed to a stretch of seemingly unimportant woodland, "doesn't seem to have changed much. That might be my best bet."

The cat raised an eyebrow. "You… sure about that? What's there?"

"With any luck, an old friend," Rouge smiled. "He's always kept up with the times, but in his own small ways he refuses to change. If I'm right, and I believe that I am, he'll still live there."

"I… can take you there, then," Eila murmured. "That's fine by me."

"Thank you," Rouge told her sincerely, all teasing aside for the moment. "And, for the record, I do apologize for smacking your roof with my… erm, everything."

Eila chuckled briefly. "I was more worried about you being a demon that wasn't contained, out to kill me. Seeing something that wasn't immediately trying to rip my throat out was pleasing, to say the least."

Large ears pricked. "A de- You know what, never mind. I'll pursue that line of questioning another time." Shaking her head at herself, Rouge smiled wryly. "What have I gotten myself into…"

"A whole ass mess, if you ask me," Eila answered. "Ready to go?"

"Such is life, with friends like mine," Rouge chuckled. She folded her wings up again belatedly. "Whenever you are."

Eila snapped her fingers and they appeared outside the aforementioned woodland. "I'll go with you until we find out if they're here or not. Then I'll head on back."

"Well, let's get going then," Rouge answered with another smile, already walking off through the trees. She was almost certain there would still be a house out here… and she was determined to find it. As much as Eila didn't want this little meeting to end, she went through with her plan and followed Rouge. The idea of parting with someone else who was nice… hurt. Noticing her dismay, Rouge again aimed her smile at the other woman. "This doesn't have to be the end, you know. Once I know for sure I have a place to sleep tonight, we can talk more. I, for one, am always open to gaining new friends."

Some sort of unspoken hope shone in the cat's eyes. "You… sure about that? People tend to not like me."

"Of course," Rouge answered, her tone full of sudden warmth. "I would enjoy getting to know you. And besides that, I know what it's like to be in your position. Or, at least, part of it. Being alone is… painful. I don't wish that on anyone."

Eila nodded briefly with a smile. "I'm really glad to hear that…"

"Eila, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you might do well to stop being so hard on yourself," Rouge told her gently. "You aren't as unlikable as you think. Yes, you might have a past you aren't proud of. There might be people who hate you for it. But the thing about the past is that it's left behind. New people you meet… they won't all turn you away because of who you once were. You'll find your people if you keep searching."

Despite the emotion welling up within the cat, she did everything to keep herself composed. "I really appreciate that, Rouge. It means a lot more than you might know." In reality, she was keeping herself from spilling over the edge and just giving out her whole life story because this one little interaction was more care than she'd received in a long time except from two other people.

Rouge nodded sympathetically and allowed Eila the quiet and space she possibly needed to calm herself. It was just as well, because within the span of a couple of minutes, the house was in view. Seeing Tails outside busily tinkering with something in his lap while chatting with some other fox, Silver, and Blaze had Rouge smiling widely. "I knew he would still be here," she declared triumphantly. "Although, I am surprised that those two are also back… but I suppose it's just as well. I can ask about it later."

Eila saw these people and began backing away slowly. "I- I need to go now. I'm glad we found them, but I really can't stay."

Rouge looked back and forth between her and them before making a decision. "Tell you what. How about you and I go elsewhere for a while and find a quiet place to talk? They haven't noticed us, so we can still slip away. That way you don't have to spend the rest of the day alone."

Eila continued stepping back. "You go, I've got things to do. I… we can find another time. Away somewhere, not near them." She spared no more time and teleported away suddenly. After a pause, Rouge sighed and simply resumed walking toward her friends.

Back at Eila's home, the woman stumbled upon landing back inside and pushed herself up against a bookshelf for support. Anxiety overwhelmed her and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Tears streamed from her eyes and she slowly sank into a sitting position, unable to do more than sob uncontrollably. Not only was her first potential friend besides Cyril was directly associated with the people that hated her most, but now she was alone again by her own doing. Everything hurt, and for the first time since she'd recovered her resolve to become a better person, she broke down entirely and let herself feel nothing but pain.

~保護者~

Espio felt… exhausted by the time he returned home. Though deeply foreign to him these days, the feeling was familiar from earlier years of his life. He knew he should probably go to bed. It was late at night, anyway. Most everyone else was already asleep. That spared him from any immediate questioning regarding his whereabouts during the past twenty-four hours. At least he could be thankful for that.

Slipping into his room, he shut the door and crossed the room to his bed. He sank down onto it and was about to lay down (shoes be damned, he didn't care enough to take them off) when something occurred to him. Namely, his promise. The one he'd reluctantly made to his parents that, as a means of helping him try to start coping with all his negative emotions, he'd write down the things that bothered him. Begrudgingly or not, he had promised. Promises were not small matters. Promises were made to be kept.

Sighing, he grabbed the book he had been given to write in as a journal off of his nightstand. He wrote for a minute or so (as he did once on nearly every day), then gladly tossed the book and pen back to where they had been and laid down to sleep. Despite his normal inability to sleep (due to his normal lack of need for it), he was out within seconds. He didn't even hear it when his door opened just a crack and Armaris crept in, didn't react to her presence at all.

Seeing that Espio, for once, was asleep, Armaris made an effort to hide herself in the shadows and keep her presence hidden so that she wouldn't wake him before moving over to his side to make sure he was okay. Satisfied that he seemed alright, for the most part, her attention shifted over to the journal and she picked it up before slipping out of the room. Curiosity overwhelming her, she sat down and flipped it open to see the contents.

Several people have urged me to keep a journal. They seem to be of the belief that writing out my experiences, thoughts, and so on will exorcise the ghosts that haunt me. As Father so eloquently put it, "In writing down your thoughts, you thereby rid yourself of them and may find peace." Personally… I do not think that this will help, if "help" is even what I need. But, if only to appease them, I agreed to try. I used to write, long ago. I was different back then. My life and everything in it was different. However… I enjoyed it then. Perhaps I still may.

A slight tilt of her head served as her outward response to reading this, further curiosity driving her to continue reading beyond this.

It is… difficult to lose someone. They remain in your memories, residing forevermore in the back of your mind. They linger there. You can feel their presence even though they're gone. It is a sadness that encompasses everything. It is different when you're simply separated from someone as opposed to being alive when they are not. Days can pass by in a normal fashion, and then you abruptly find yourself overwhelmed by the absence of those who once meant so much… and still do. Sometimes you just want to see them, to hear them, to experience anything at all that is tangible and proves they are still around. But they are not.

Something in Armaris's heart ached as she recalled vague memories of people she once knew, something that she had long since attempted to forget. She understood his feelings, and the way he wrote it told her everything she needed to know. Cream… She shouldn't have died like that. Vector, either.

Losing people around me never used to be hard. I never used to… feel. It never hurt in the past. At least, not after my encounter with Shade. Myself and everyone around me lost so many people. I felt nothing regarding any of it. And yet… something did drive me to avenge Vector and Charmy, to take Cream in and guard over her children when she passed, to visit the graves of all who died. I suppose it is possible that some semblance of emotion lingered. Perhaps it was wholly there and I was just somehow unaware. No matter the true answer, the fact remains that every emotion I experience now is far worse now than they once were. They are all… amplified, somehow. More intense and deep. I do not believe I am capable of handling this for the rest of my life. I do not think I want to.

Once more, she felt an ache. Pain at seeing this sort of emotional writing coming from someone she loved so dearly, and her own experiences let her feel this to a greater extent. The intense feeling of emotions was something she'd understood from a young age. Rage, sadness, joy… though it did occur to her that he likely hadn't experienced such a vast range for as long as she had. This was recent for him. The reminder of Cream's death hit her once more and she shook her head briefly.

I was told once that the peace between mortals and "those who cannot die" is a passing one. "They will always see mortals as mere occupiers of this existence," she said to me. "Mortals borrow what can never be given. They waste the time of the timeless. Even those who exist in between the two cannot and will not tolerate them forever. This peace is, has always been, tenuous. One day, the strain will become too great. The wire all people have been so carefully lingering on for so long will snap and there will be war."

Thinking on all these battles lately, this came back to my mind. In a way, I suppose she was correct. War, indeed, came. But it is less about the ageless killing the aging, and more about either side of balance itself vying for control… when balance itself is what has always been needed.

Almost capable of forgetting the onslaught of emotion, Armaris found herself confused. The bliss of mortality to her felt like a blessing, as opposed to what she had experienced. A lengthened life could mean a lot of things, and for her it had been struggle and strife. Likewise, it could bring love and happiness. Conflicted on the message of the first part, she moved to the second. She still hardly understood. Cere had spent a lot of time trying to instruct her on balance and how it affected their existence… but it never clicked. Nothing made sense to her, but she supposed it could be due to her conflicting morals. That was one thing she and Cere often did not agree on.

I trained with my supposed grandparents again. It is a risky endeavor, as I admitted to Shadow not long ago. However, I still feel it is necessary. Control is something I have to attain. There is no other choice to be made. However, I worry sometimes about how much their words make me think. Today the woman said, "Our people do not trouble themselves with easy prey. If they prowl and hunt, it is for a worthy quarry. We prefer our prey powerful… and bloodied." After stating this, she pointed out that I myself typically operate in the same way. She pointed out how deeply similar I am to them, to our ancestors… to our people's "true" selves. I do not know what to think… or what to do. Already, I was aware of too many ways in which I match the old accounts of what our kind was like. That she and others only continue to find more and more comparisons… Is this something I need to consider more deeply?

Existential dilemmas now forgotten, Armaris refocused her attention and read over this again. Grandparents…? Who the fuck are they? Again and again she read this, and over and over she grew more troubled. This entire entry was concerning, but especially the last part. Her gaze shifted to the room Espio slept in and she frowned deeply. I'm gonna have to show this to Aniko… soon.

Sonic approached me while I was training today. My… "grandparents" promptly vanished, which was just as well. I have no desire to explain their presence to anyone right now. He simply told me that Jet had been training with him and several others. I was offered the chance to join them. I refused. He did not seem surprised, though he did say that training with Jet himself might be good regardless. That does have its merits, I suppose. How long has it been since I last truly tested my mettle against another? He is strong enough to withstand a proper fight. It may be worth looking into.

There was something about this that she didn't like, but perhaps that was only because he felt that one of the few people capable of giving him a good fight was Jet. Something about that didn't bode well with her, and she wasn't sure why.

She died by my own hand. That much is true. It is also true that she deserved nothing less. However… I find myself still, irrationally, thinking about her now and then. I lost so many years to her and her manipulations. More than likely, this is why there almost seems to be a sort of… hole in my life now that she is gone. I do not miss her. I do not want her back. I want nothing more than confirmation that her soul is suffering in whatever form of hell may or may not exist for people like her. And yet, my thoughts still occasionally turn to her. To what I thought I felt. To what she wanted us to be. United. Unstoppable. Unkillable.

Malevolent.

Armaris felt a tinge of hatred enter her mind and she quickly teleported away from Espio's home, knowing that if she didn't keep her emotions in check, he'd be woken up. Once she was a fair distance away, she glanced back at the page. She resonated with some of this, more than she would have liked. She knew what it was like to be manipulated and torn over how to feel about someone, and how it felt to want them to suffer. She was only able to pull herself away from these thoughts with the last section. This was something she never wanted with Espio, and she hoped he'd stay away from these feelings.

I am often asked, these days, to consider what I want. Everyone seems to want to know. Do I want to follow one path, or to follow the other? Do I wish to burn in the intensity of the Light or to be lost to the depths of the Darkness? Whether I aim to be killed or be the one doing the killing, to suffer or inflict suffering upon others, to maintain bonds or cast them all aside… it may not matter. My choices seldom feel like my own anymore. Everyone speaks all at once. I am dragged in multiple directions by just as many hands. Every word and action feels made to color my own. I see manipulation everywhere. Perhaps in that way she has found the means to create a lasting impression upon my life.

These days, I am lost. I am no longer of the belief that I wish to be found… by anyone.

Armaris felt herself temporarily lost in a sea of emotions, once more able to directly relate to how he felt. Her younger years were spent with some trying to steer her in the right direction and others doing the opposite. People who didn't care how she felt and others who did. How she'd reacted and what she'd done to them. Now she really knew how he felt and the woman yearned to hug Espio. She steeled her resolve and continued on, knowing she needed to hurry this along.

I learned to live by various philosophies when she was still alive. Why they enter my mind now, I do not know. Perhaps it is because I am learning that the way life was with her is not the way it has to be. I do not have to experience constant strife to cultivate a relationship. Or, at least… that is what I hope. Everything seems different now. Positive, warm, genuine. Yet I know that hope plays a wicked game with the heart. It is a game I am tired of losing.

I would not write these out if not for the promise I made to write what bothers me and when. However, I will say that I do this unhappily and with no small amount of hesitation. That being said, I suppose this will be a decent test… both of my oft shoddy memory and of how aware I was, prior to writing this, of how extensively she had been manipulating my behaviors and whatnot.

-It is best not to anger her while she stands in my home. She may break it.

-There are limits to trust in all aspects of life. I can trust her not to kill me. I cannot trust her not to cut me. I can trust her to aid me in those rare fights where aid is required. I cannot trust her to not hold it over my head, to expect something in return later. The list only goes on.

-Even the strongest of people and forces have their weaknesses. She has hers, I have mine. Exploitation of those weaknesses is common behavior for her. Best to always guard against such attacks, no matter how small the chance of said attacks may seem to be.

-I was once a fool for briefly believing she did not have it in her to kill me. I was a fool twice when I tried to convince myself that I do not have it in me to kill her. I am a fool no longer. We each possess the means and the dispositions to kill one another. It is only a matter of time before one of us follows through.

-Just as love can be given and shared, it can also be taken away. To avoid the pain that comes from loss of love, it is best to listen to her when possible and avoid conflict. When that is not possible, it becomes necessary to steel myself against the inevitable emotions and go about business as usual until things are eventually mended… for however long it lasts.

-If I am the first to raise my sword against her, I will be made to regret it. If am too slow to arm myself after she draws a weapon, I will be made to regret it. It is necessary to always be ready for conflict, to operate on a hairpin trigger so that I am never a second too soon – or too late.

-Survival is a matter of being strong. Allowing for weakness invites death. That she is willing to kill me should the chance ever arise means I must always improve and strive to be at least one step ahead. Being with her is fraught with danger and my life may well always be on the line. However… so is hers.

-There are horrors that exist beyond life's edge… and she is all-too-happy to drag them into my life at a moment's notice. I must always be ready to fight monsters of a new sort every day that I see her – and every day that I do not.

This is all that I can specifically think of. Most of this became… second nature, I suppose. Simply existing in one another's presence became an art in and of itself, a complicated dance where both of our lives always hung in the balance. I hated it. I hated her. And yet, I was inexorably drawn to both. I understand now that the bond I believed I felt with her was a product of manipulation. Manipulation I am now free of. And yet… I cannot shake the thought that I am still drawn to the rest of it. The danger, the violence, the fighting… I do not like to think about any of it, but it enters my mind now and then. The best I have been able to do is ignore it when this happens, but it is possible that I need to deal with this more in-depth. I just do not know how.

Armaris felt conflicted and unsure, unable to really make herself process this information. So much of it she hated, enough so that her Darkness had begun to react. A light fog formed around her before she none-too-gently forced herself to her feet and walked away, not intent on choking out anyone with the demonic taint of her energy. Fuck you, Nyokae. You've hurt him, and I'm gonna do what I can to help him. With a minute or two of pacing to calm herself, she finally relaxed and took the time to continue reading.

They are proud and disciplined, as all of our people are. However, they are also different than most every person I have ever met. They are united in their despising of weakness, casually brutal in the pursuit of their own weakness. Though their weapons are merely metal tools, the power they channel through those weapons cause them to pulse with a quiet malevolence. They kill because they want to, because it pleases and excites them, because they simply can. They have no qualms about using and manipulating others, about ending innocent lives, about inciting wars and sowing chaos to make all involved suffer…

My grandparents claim I am like them. How correct do I dare to believe that they are?

The cat frowned deeply at this, feeling her fingers flex in agitation as she was reminded of how she had once been and the potential of what she could still end up being. Armaris bit her lip and fended off a faint growl, moving on. She didn't want more of these reminders.

Mother and Father were gone for many more seasons than I care to count. More than I will probably ever know, given that I do not know when they died. I do not believe I even trust the tales I was told regarding how each of them passed. But that is not why I am writing. I am writing because I witnessed, again, the way our people respond to my parents. Mother, in particular, has always held a particular sway over them.

When they were revived, I suppose… that I did not know what to think in many regards. But I do know that I did not expect what was true then to remain true now. Her influence should have receded upon her death, as the shade does at noon. That did not happen. The respect of our people is still hers. Father suggested to me that, one day, I may find myself in a similar position. I disagree strongly. I had respect to some degree before everything started going… wrong. Trust is a thing that can be easily lost. It is likely that whatever respect I had from our village before is now gone, given what occurred during the battle with Kaden.

While our village was burning to the ground and we were beset by demons on all sides, I turned my sword on the people who sought protection from me. I can never expect anything but disdain from them now. What I did was unforgivable. I am lucky that they allow me to remain within the village at all. I will not ask for anything more. Their respect is better aimed in the direction of people like Mother… people who have the same rotten potential as I and yet have never crossed that line. There is no point in pretending otherwise.

The pain Armaris felt upon reading this hurt far more than she was willing to accept, pushing the journal away for a moment so that any shed tears wouldn't stain the pages and reveal to Espio that someone had tampered with it. He would surely find out… but for now it was best he didn't. She couldn't make herself think any more on this either, and so she moved along to the latest (and newest) entry.

I was taken to Zyr, the Garden of Darkness. It is not truly my place of birth, but it is close enough. I do not know how to describe what being there felt like. The silence breathes. Every shadow moves. The night is eternal. Visiting there left me… tired. I do not know why. I did not even strictly want to go. I should have refused, yet I did not and I do not know why. Foolishly, I did not even attempt to resist. I resisted nothing that they had me do, nothing that they wanted me to try. Letting the raw Darkness of that place flow through me had its benefits, in that I was able to gain a higher degree of the control I have sought. However… I am uncertain now whether it was worth the risk, especially given that they wanted it to happen as well.

Why I want to return is beyond me. It is possible that I can slip away tomorrow to go back on my own. I think I may… if only in an effort to get to the root of my draw to the place. In the event that it only makes things worse… I suppose I do not care. The more I think on the matter, the more certain I become that I have not truly cared in some time. Others may continue to do so, but I do not. This is something that may well warrant further exploration. I feel I must seek answers without outside influence. It may be the only path forward for me. What others may think on the matter is irrelevant.

I intend to make my own choices from now on.

Something in her grew fearful and she stood quickly, closing the journal and taking off from where she'd wandered to. She would have normally been happy to see him making his own choices… but not when they endangered him. Appearing by Aniko and quickly teleporting them away the moment the chameleon realized she was there, the cat shoved the journal into her arms and frowned. "We need to talk about this, now."

Aniko blinked at the forwardness, something that was unusual coming from Armaris. At least… to this degree. She began reading, quickly flipping through the pages in utter silence before she closed it and placed it down. "This is Espio's?"

"Yeah, and you saw what he wrote, right?" As if that was a ridiculously stupid question, which it technically was, Aniko raised an eyebrow. Armaris rolled her eyes briefly before huffing. "I'm worried that he's going to get himself hurt or in serious danger."

"I understand…" Aniko murmured. "For now, do not approach him on these matters. You and I should both know well enough that doing so will cause him to be more secretive. I will speak with Rose tomorrow and we can work on a plan together so that we're not interfering with one another." The chameleon paused for a moment before frowning. "Do you understand?"

Armaris looked away before sighing. "I… Fine… I'll keep quiet about it and just keep doing what I normally do."

Aniko stood and pulled Armaris into a tight hug. "Keep your wits about you, child. We are contending with forces that want to take him from us. If you act too quickly or rashly, you may die. He needs you, whether he realizes it or not. We need you as well, as you have the most sway in his life." Her tone softened and she pulled Armaris a bit closer. "I don't want to lose you or my son, and I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you both safe."

The initial way Aniko spoke had certainly got through to her, but the second was what made her truly listen. Tears fell from her eyes at the raw emotion she felt and the cat hugged back tightly. "I'll do my best to keep him with us. I promise..."

~保護者~

14,932 words this time. Apologies for the delay (Blazing Winds has a full-time job and is in school, so he's been busy), but we hope you all enjoyed. Many thanks to him as always for all of his help and support. Posted (at about 5:55 p.m.) 10-28-30.