When he left the bar with her, this woman whose name he can't remember. Gabi's eyes flashed at him accusing him of sins he'd not yet committed.

She got into his car and leaned across to kiss him and her lips land on his urgently he kissed back for half a second until she stepped on "Squeaks." Klaire's rubber ducky she's obsessed with that damn duck. He leaned away.

She looked down kicking it under the seat. "It's my little girl's." she shrugged and leaned further in. persistent as hell. The breath froze in his lungs. Liv's face flashed in his mind. "You're not her." He whispered.

"I'll be whoever you want babe." She muttered kissing his neck.

He shoved her away. "You can't be my wife. I can't… I can't do this… get out of my car."

The shame is totally overwhelming. He felt the urge to cry rise but pushed it back as the girl stomped out of the car slamming the door.

Tears stung his eyes and he closed them before the tears could fall. The door opened and closed again. Weight shifted on to the seat. "I said I have a wife!" he shouted glaring over he expected the girl but instead he found Dawson.

"I know you do, I came to remind you but you remembered just in time."

"I can't believe I did that." He said. He really wanted to cry, badly his chest hurt from holding it all in but he refused to cry in front of Gabi. "I love Olivia. Gabi you can't tell her please."

"I'm not going to you are." Gabi stated.

The tears leaked down his cheeks anyway and he wipes them away quickly "I can't she'll leave me."

"You don't and she finds out about whatever just happened from someone else? She will leave you anyway." Gabi retorted and for second he hates her for being completely right.

He shakes his head staring out at the nearly empty dark street. "I love her; it wasn't … because I couldn't… I'll break her heart. What's happening to me? I've worked so hard to be the guy deserving of her and…" He sighed and cleared his throat, not daring to look at Gabi. He's too ashamed.

"You're still that guy Severide, and that guy is honest even if it can destroy his life." Gabi points out gently.

-/-/-/-

He stood in the door way gathering his nerve. He took off his jacket hanging it on the hook beside Liv's lab coat. "Hey Kelly, Sis is upstairs doing the dishes, the baby is asleep." Rainey said from the white couch thing.

He nodded in understanding and trooped up stairs. "You alright man?" she called after him. He kept walking.

She's right where Rain said she'd be. Hands in dish water staring out of the darkened window. "Hiya baby how was Molly's?" he stood still. "I can see your reflection in the window Kelly." He can't move. "I won't make you dry if you come kiss me." She smiled brightly at him looking over her shoulder. His heart stopped beating, this was gonna hurt.

"Livvy…" he said voice shaky.

"I know dishpan and doctor hands aren't sexy but… "She rambled then finally turns to look at him, "what's wrong? Why've you been crying? Baby I know you miss her. I feel like I've been neglecting you with everything-"She rolled toward him.

"It's not that and you're beautiful."

"Then what? What's wrong?" her brow furrowed.

"I was almost unfaithful." He spits out quickly like the words cut his tongue.

She blinks and looks at him as if he'd slapped her. "Come again? I thought I heard the word unfaithful come out of your mouth."

"I almost cheated." He said again.

She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Define almost, you kiss her, go home with her? Get a blow job? What?"

"She kissed me, we never made it out Molly's parking lot, and I stopped before it got that far and kicked her out of the car." He confessed.

"You mean you let another woman kiss you. Did you kiss back? Did you enjoy it? I must look like an idiot to all our friends." She shook her head fighting off tears.

He remained silent unable to muster a satisfactory excuse. "Did you. Kiss her back?" She said slowly. "Answer me!" she yelled.

"A little." He said staring at his feet unable look at her.

Her breath hitched bad she made a sound like she was choking. "I am so stupid. Do you know how many people told me not to trust you? How many people told me you would get bored of me? That the fun of being with me would wear off and you'd go for the next thing you could find with long pretty operational legs? A lot of people but the loudest one was Leslie Shay. I used to think she hated me but maybe she was trying to protect me because she could see past your bullshit." She points at him and rolls out of the kitchen.

"It's not bullshit Liv. I love you." He followed her pleadingly trying to fix things.

"Yeah, it really shows." She spit over shoulder as she moved into the living room and to the elevator.

He stepped toward her. Tears swim in his eyes. "Liv I'm sorry baby, so sorry the second it happened I wanted to take it back." He reached out to touch her.

"Don't you dare touch me unless you wanna see how deep my O'Shea crazy runs?" She said it took a minute for him to realize O'shea was her birth name. She pushed the button to call up the elevator.

"Baby…" He said softly. He was truly close to tears now.

"Shut up Kelly! Just shut the fuck up!" she rolled up to him. "And to think I felt like a shitty wife for focusing on Viv and my daughter instead of you. Street corner whores gotcha covered, you obviously don't need me what a relief!" she rolled to the elevator and got in.

Once the elevator doors closed he could hear her crying as she went upstairs, scared she was going to kick him out he followed her up stairs.

As the doors reopened he saw her splotchy mascara streaked face and felt sick. "What did I do wrong Kelly? I don't try to change you, I trust- trusted you, and I really love you. Why's that never enough for anyone I love?" She threw her hands up

"You didn't do anything wrong Olivia, It's a me thing, It's my stuff babe, you are enough." He blinks her in using his body as a stop gap. He had to make her listen.

"No, I'm not. I did something to make you not want me."

"Shay's dead Liv! She's dead and you are keeping your sister alive, you think I don't see it but I know you're keeping Vivi above water and you're busy with your job and Klaire and your condition is so delicate that I don't want to add anymore to your plate and I fucked up majorly."

"I said I was sorry! Are going to cheat every single time you aren't the center of my world?" She shoved past him going into the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" he asked as she grabbed her go bag for work.

"Rain, I'm going to Erin's. The baby is down and medicated. Your brother-in-law is a cheating asshole. I'll be back when I'm not fucking pissed." She called down.

He grabbed the bag from her. "No, you don't get to run from this. Yes, Baby, I fucked up but I told you because we don't keep secrets or run from a fight. I fucked up and I regret it but I told you." He pleads wiping away her runny mascara.

She swatted his hand away, "Fine then you run, it's what you're best at!"

"That's not true." H felt her words like an expertly thrown punch.

"Oh it's not then what are you best at loving me? Guess what I don't believe you and just the sight of you makes me sick and until you don't one of us is going somewhere else." There is cool steel in her green eyes that almost frightens Kelly.

"Liv I-"

"I'm itchin' to call my brothers Kelly. Just try me!" Rainey said. "You heard her go. I don't care where just get out of her space." She said standing in the stair landing below them.

"You have no right to stick your nose in! This is my marriage." He replied.

"Yeah, maybe you'll remember that on the El Train." She spit back.

-/-/-

He's asleep on the train when the shots and other riders fleeing from danger wake him. He runs head on into the danger when he sees someone shot.

The kid turns the gun on him he's scared but doesn't let it show. He wrestles the gun away from the kid. And calls for help as the victim says there is another shooter. He helps her up. They run to the nearest station as the shooting starts again.

He's checking her over going through all the instructions Shay has given him. Then he's not sure if its Liv or Shay who had told him how to safeguard a sucking chest wound with a cellophane wrapper, when he's a crunch but that's what he does using his cigar wrapper.

He hears Liv clear this time as though she's standing over him. "Keep her awake, whatever you have to do keep her awake."

"Hey stay with me!" He shouts noticing she's fading as he finds kindling for a small fire.

"Where'd you learn all this? You a doctor?" the lady asked.

"Nah, firefighter." He starts a fire to trip the alarm and garner help. "Paramedic Best Friend and a wife who's a pediatric trauma specialist you pick shit up. They're both great at what they do."

"Amen for them." She whispered.

"Seconded."

He's crouched down checking her over again as the alarm goes off and the shooters return.

"Finish it! No witnesses." One shouts as the other falters. Then unfortunately the other one takes over and points the gun at Kelly's temple.

"You don't have to do-"Kelly said more calmly than he felt.

"Shut up!"

Kelly closed his eyes and concentrated on Olivia's face. The image of her smiling at him over breakfast the first time she'd spent the night with him pops into his head. Shortly followed by Klaire and her adoption letter.

"Put the gun down!" he hears someone shout but doesn't bother with moving. If he makes it out of this alive. He will make up with Liv if it is the last thing he does.

-/-/-

That night after his statement is made he goes back home. He just wants to be close to his family. He sleeps on the couch. He doesn't want to wake his sleeping dragon who's spoiling for a fight.

The next morning he can faintly hear Klaire crying. He gets up all stiff and hung over but trudges upstairs to get his girl. He walks in to her room and silently picks her up he doesn't want to wake Liv and explain the events of his train ride and truthfully he's afraid to face his actions before that. He changes his smiling baby girl and carries her down stairs for breakfast. He strips off his shirt because feeding Klaire gets messy. She's wearing only a diaper for that reason. He sits her in her high chair and prepares for the battle that is feeding a squirmy 7 month old.

-/-

He tries to feed her some baby cereal but she ain't having it. "You're as stubborn as Mommy you know that?" she just watches him. Her dark inquisitive eyes shining at him. He puts the spoon to her mouth it stays firmly closed. "Come on Klairey cut Daddy a break," he begged tiredly. She shakes her head no.

"Klaire!" He admonished halfheartedly smiling at her.

She continues shaking her head. "That your new trick?" she shakes her head again.

He leans forward and puckers his lips. "Kisses." When she opens her mouth to plant a slobber filled baby kiss on him he slips the spoon in her mouth. "Gotcha!" He chuckled to himself.

"You just don't give up do you?" Rainey said from behind him.

He shrugs his shoulders spooning up more cereal. "Nope, not when it's something I care about believe in or love."

"And you did that because you love Liv?" Rainey asked walking over and leaning on the bar.

"I did that because I'm stupider than I am stubborn." He confessed darkly. Klaire smiles at him unknowing of the thing he'd done. "I love your sister."

"Ain't me you gotta convince." Rainey pointed out.

"How'd you get the shiner? I see you found the hide-a-key." Liv said.

"Well I did hide it. Can we talk?" He asked looking over his shoulder at her entering the kitchen.

"No." she said stopping to kiss Klaire and head back up stairs. "Be careful; don't do anything else stupid today. I've had my fill for a while. "She said dryly rolling away again.

"Livvy-"he grabbed her arm as she passed him.

Her tone is ice cold. This is no game. "Did I say you could touch me?" she looks down pointedly at his left hand resting on her arm.

He lets her go. "No you didn't but I've never needed permission, we have to talk this out."

"Now you do. I have to be able to look at you without wanting to slap you first."

"If it will make you feel better go for it." He watches her closely.

She looks at Klaire then the floor and finally at him. "It won't. You didn't almost cheat, Kelly you cheated. You didn't screw her but you sat in our friends bar and talked her up until leaving with her felt like a good idea, you kissed her. You swore to me that you were mine and I was yours and that it was enough for you that I was enough, but I probably never was to begin with. Shay being gone is not a good enough reason to justify what you did. So no, slapping you won't help because it's not going to make me any less heartbroken, or confused, or feel so fucking betrayed it's all I can do, to not just sit down and cry because everything I love about you, it's leaving with Shay and I can't stop it. So leave me alone Kelly." The hurt in her eyes is the most painful thing he's ever seen or done to someone he feels like dirt and probably.

Livvy, I love you. I honestly never meant for it to happen." He said softly as he sniffs back tears and Klaire pats his hand.

"I love you too. That's why this hurts so badly. I've been cheated on before but never by someone had I actually trusted with my heart. I've gotta get dressed." Now he does feel like dirt, lower than dirt.

He opens his mouth to speak and Vivi cuts him off from the stairway. "Leave her alone Kelly. Leslie would be ashamed of you for that. You've been cheated on, you know what it feels like but you did it anyway. Shows how much you truly care which isn't much." And Vivi dealt the worst blow of all the cold hard truth.

-/-/-

When Connie tells him Liv is in his quarters his heart jumps thinking she's finally ready to talk things out. He prepares for his bad day to hopefully get better.

He walks in and she's sitting in her chair with her arms crossed over a plain blue scrub top. "You were wearing one of those scrubs tops when you gave me your number. It took a week to get the sharpie off my hand, I just stared at you. I thought you were possibly the prettiest girl I'd ever seen." He rambles because his nerves are totally shot.

"Next time someone shoots at you Kelly? You should tell me. Don't let Erin do it." She said plainly and moved to leave.

"I wanted to fix us first!" He stands in front of her.

"And what if there wasn't an us to fix! Kelly someone shot at you!" She slaps at his chest shoving at him

"They missed." He smiled at her.

"That's not funny!"

Liv's breath hitched as she tried not to cry. "Kelly I don't know what's with you, why you're being so self-destructive but I wished I could figure it out. I get it you saved someone's life, you answered your calling but you forget your life holds value! What's happening to us? We're not these people Kelly. We don't tear each other down!"

"Baby…" He said quietly into her hair.

"What?"

"There was a moment last night when my every thought wasn't consumed by Shay. I thought of you when that kid had that gun on me. Just you and Klaire, nothing else."

"I don't know what you want me to say Kelly. I can't forgive you yet." She said plainly.

"I don't want you to say anything baby; I just want you to know that I love you."

"I know. I have to go; I have a medical conference to go to over printed grafts in pediatric patients. I need to see if Ebstein Anomaly babies qualify. Dr. Yang is giving it. She's the best. I want to see if she'd take Klaire on as a patient." She moves to the door he stops her again.

"Printed what a what? I thought Klaire was fine." He said confused.

"She is for now, she won't always be." She explained.

"I know, I just don't understand what you just said typically that's sexy but this our baby you're talking about."

She sighed and answered. "It's complicated Kelly. You can three dimensionally print an organ like her heart so that they know exactly how to operate beforehand. Even in some cases create actual living organisms. Like a liver, or a heart artery. They'd need her stem cells but if they print the artery or valves using her DNA it lessens her odds of rejection and ups the likelihood of only having a singular operation."

He was still confused. "Okay go, go ask about Klaire."

-/-/-

Gabi and Liv sit in massage chairs getting their Fire Wife Mani-Pedi's.

Liv phone chimes and she smiles before texting back. "Ooooh he's attractive. Who's that?" Gabi said looking over her shoulder at a handsome dark eyed man with salt and pepper hair.

"Jack McAndrew. We met at the medical conference. Nice guy, a bit dopey but he's dedicated." She answered.

Gabi butts in. "Girl…I know what Kelly did hurt but be better than that."

Liv shook her head taken a back. "I'm not I would never do that, he asked a professional question. It's just nice to be noticed, I feel like…" She stopped mid rant"what how'd you know what he did?"

"I sort of saw it…" Gabi confessed.

When tears fall silently down her cheeks. Gabi looks slightly alarmed. "I feel like I'm drowning here Gabi and I can't change any of it." She cries in earnest now. "He cheated and he's slipping away from me and I keep trying to remember he's in pain but he cheated on me… he cheated and I know he's sorry but he still did it."

Gabi hugs her tight waving off the manicurist and pedicurist. "Hey girl, its okay… it's gonna be okay, I've got you shhh, just breathe…"

"Was he truly sorry?" she said trying to regain her composure.

"Instantly…I'd never seen him cry before. He was just trying to feel something other than numb. He chose the wrong person to feel better with. He was smashed, it was a mistake."

"I'm so mad at Shay. How dare she leave me holding the bag. I feel like everyone's life is ruined." Liv confessed.

"I know… just breathe Livvy."

-/-/-

Liv lets Kelly stay at home but refuses to sleep in the bed with him which makes him feel even more defeated. Kelly lay there alone in bed staring at the ceiling, he half toys with the idea of waking Klaire so he's not alone but that would make Liv madder. "I said sorry goddamn it!" he tosses and turns some before getting up. "Fuck it don't care if she's pissed we're fixing it. Fucking sheets smell like her and I'm talking to myself!" He muttered marching down the stairs.

He watched her from the stair landing first. She's not asleep. She's watching House M.D. on Netflix. He marched down and snapped on the lamp next to the couch. "I am pissed you won't forgive me!" He blurted as she blinks at him in the additional light.

"I'm sorry you did something that requires my forgiveness call it even Severide." She retorts all sarcasm and pain.

"Liv, I'm sorry honey I really am. I'm sorry my actions hurt you, I'm sorry I did something that could break us because you are all I got in the world Liv. If I lost you I'd never forgive myself. You say you don't change me but you have, before you? I'd have screwed the girl and gone on you'd never know. Because you have changed me I couldn't lie to you. You're the love of my Livvy please just forgive me." he laid out everything on the table. He walked over and stood in front of the TV her face lit by the hazy light but even now he can see she's been crying.

"It meant nothing?" She asked seriously.

"Less than nothing baby." He said holding her gaze willing her to know he spoke the truth.

"Alright, you're forgiven and thank you for telling the truth even though it hurt to hear." She finally said.

He walked over and leaned down next to her. "Thank you." He kissed her she pulled at his tank top to bring him close he took that as invitation to deepen the kiss.

"You have on clothing, weird…" Liv said as he broke the kiss and joined her on the couch. He lay over on his elbows keeping his weight off her, "Your little sister is here and she's nosy." He stated and kissed her again.

She laughed and kissed him back. "I prefer you naked."

"Totally doable, but I'm turning off the TV." He said as moved to kiss the side of her neck.

She inhaled sharply while bunching up his tank top in her hands. "Why?"

"I don't feel comfortable being nude in front of the dude that looks like Casey." She burst out laughing and a weight lifts off Kelly's chest. "I love you Livvy." He said smiling down at her.

-/-

They lay in a sweaty tangle of limbs but Liv honestly doesn't want to move. Kelly's head lies on her chest. She played with the hair at the nape of his neck humming to herself. She can feel him trying to hold in all his pain. "Kelly… its okay baby," a sob breaks free and he hangs on to her so tightly she thinks he may be afraid of the grief he feels. "It's going to be okay, I promise you. Not today or next month or even next year but eventually it gets better…" his sobbing breaks her heart but he'd been holding it in for weeks. "I love you…."

"What do I do without her?" He asked sniffling. "I got snot on you, well the blanket."

"I don't know baby, but we'll get there. And no worries you aren't the first to snot bomb me." She said she can feel him trying to smile but he remains quiet.

"My best friend is gone."

"I'll be your best friend if you will let me." She said kissing the top of his head.

He looks up at her. "You're already my everything Livvy"

"Then why can't I take care of you, help you? Why can't I help Vivi?" She asked tears springing to her eyes.

"I have trouble letting you in. You know that. Viv lost the first person she loved. You can only fix so much baby." He moved a sweat and tear dampened strand of hair of her neck.

He pressed a kiss into the pulse point in her neck. It fluttered against his lips as she spoke. "I was glad it wasn't you. I just kept praying not Kelly… anything but Kelly being hurt. Is god punishing me?"

He pushes himself up to peer down into her eyes his expression serious. "God isn't punishing you for praying a wife's prayer Livvy."

"If it were reversed? I'd die; I'd sooner die than be without you." She confessed the thing she feared.

He shook his head no. "You'd make it Liv. You are so much stronger than you know, if I thought you couldn't take it if I had to sacrifice my life I wouldn't have married you."

"Can you help me with Vivi? I didn't love Shay not the way you two did."

"Yes." He kissed her on the mouth hoping to gear her in another direction.

"If anything ever happens to Erin?" Liv murmured.

"Nothing is going to happen to Erin babe." He played with her hair as he spoke.

"She's a cop. If anything happens to her, don't let me give up."

"I won't Livvy, that's a promise."

-/-/-

When Kelly sees her sitting beside his car at end of shift his heart almost skips a beat, he smiles at her widely. Then the woman he rescued walks up to him. "A thank you for saving me and being so resourceful. I'd like to meet this paramedic friend and doctor wife of yours, thank them for teaching you so well." She hands him a pie.

Kelly bites the bullet. "Umm, she's dead. The paramedic. About two months ago."

"She's here with you. I can feel her."

Kelly pauses. "Thank you. Would you like to meet my wife? She is here. I'm a lucky man."

"Hey baby, this is Angela. Angela Liv."

"Nice to meet you. No offense I'm never letting him take a train again." Liv said smiling. She shook the woman's hand.

"He credits you and his departed friend."

"He shouldn't… he did that himself all I did was occasionally ramble at him." Liv grinned.

"Well I'll let you go but I mean it. Thank you." She hugged Kelly.

"No problem."

-/=

"So can I hitch a ride home? I rode to work with Erin so we could talk over breakfast. Liv asked him.

"You wheeled here?" he replied as he saw her pink scrub top sticking to her body in a way he kind of likes.

"My version of a run." She shrugged.

"Arms hurt?" He grinned at her.

"Like hell…"

"Wanna go parkin'? We can eat the pie too." He offered opening the passenger side door. Preparing to help liv into the car. He sits the pie in the floor board.

"Seriously?" She asked smacking his butt as he bent over to stow his bag.

He stands straight and grins at her. "When was the last time you went parking by the river?"

She thought back. "Uh Med school?"

"We must rectify that. You know I'm a strong believer of doing it in the back seat." Kelly leaned down to kiss her.

As she kissed back they can hear Otis telling them to break it up. Followed shortly by the sound of Gabi smacking him in the head as she tells him to leave them be.

She breaks the kiss. "More importantly what kind of pie is that? I'm hungry."

AN: I do not own Dr. Yang she belongs to ABC Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy. I do not own Dr. Jack McAndrew he belongs to Steven Spielberg, FOX, and The Red Band Society! If you liked it please drop me a line or two! Thanks a ton. Lastly do not own Chicago Fire or anything related to it or Chicago PD. The shooter scene in the previous chapter belongs to PD!-MM