Character ages: Levi – 32; Natalie – 27; Erwin – 37; Hange – 29; Eren & 104th – 16
I've done it! I've finally finished writing the Liberio raid! I cannot express how happy I am and how eager to get back to writing something OTHER than battle scenes for a change. Other than that I don't really have much to say right now, other than I hope you're all staying safe and healthy now that the cold season is rolling in.
OHOHOH! I almost forgot! I have turned this story into a podfic/audiobook, which you can find on Anchor and Spotify! (the link is in my profile near the bottom - remember to delete the spaces before you hit enter :D) For now chapters 1 and 2 are available, if anyone wants to listen to my crappy voice reading out the story xD But I would be forever grateful if you lovelies could give it a try and give me some feedback here, so I can make it even better than it is. I've never done something like this, and I was incredibly nervous recording it, but I'm hoping you guys will still enjoy it!
As always my lovelies, go ahead and enjoy this chapter and don't forget to toss me a little review, to let me know what you think~ ;)
P.S. All Attack on Titan characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I only own my OCs.
32. Marry me
~ 851 ~
"I'm sure of it... this is where Eldians were made into Titans. And beyond it..."
Eren's comment, as they rode across the sands towards what looked to be yet another wall, earned everyone's attention; but especially Armin's, whose eyes widened. When he caught Natalie's eye and the redhead nodded, silently confirming what they were about to see as they began the ascent along the wall's edge, he couldn't help the grin stretching onto his lips. They had been riding since dawn and now, with the sun hitting midday, they were finally at their destination.
But no amount of imagination could have prepared any of them for the sight of the endless ocean stretching far below their feet, the vivid blue waters sparkling joyfully in the warm light.
'I hope you're amazed enough for both of us.' Natalie mused with a bittersweet smile, watching Levi as he stared at the sea.
For the first time since she had met him his expression was completely unguarded, as he took in the sight with wide eyes, with sincere childlike awe and wonder. For her part, the surprise had been lost on her long ago when she had seen her future self's memories of that place; and some tiny part of her felt robbed of it, even if the landscape looked somewhat different now that she was seeing it with her physical eyes.
"I see a pathway over here. Let's go." Erwin called out, stirring everyone from their stunned state.
Eventually, they had made their way onto a small stretch of beach, tethering the horses to the few scattered trees present. While the rest of their squad followed Hange and rushed over towards the gentle waves, Natalie was left standing with the Commander and Levi to watch over them. At first, she smiled at their enthusiasm watching as boots, capes, and jackets flew left and right; watching them hurry to roll up their pants so they could step into the water; watching them marvel at the shells they found buried in the sand or starting a splash fight.
But the more she watched the blue and turquoise waves swinging back and forth, lapping at the sand and everyone's feet, the more her mind returned to the visions that had been plaguing her for the past months. The more she recalled how much hatred awaited them beyond that breathtakingly beautiful horizon.
"Can you look a little more broody? I don't think you're quite there yet."
Levi's comment, as well as the hand he plopped onto her head, startled her and she couldn't hold back an amused huff.
"Don't challenge me... I might just prove you wrong."
"You already did."
She had just turned to regard him with a confused look, when Hange called out to them holding up what they had found amidst the waves. With Erwin walking away to examine the things with the researcher, Natalie turned her attention back to the young Captain.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Some part of me... I suppose was never able to really believe that this whole thing was true." he replied, moving his hand down from her head until he could wrap it around hers. "Forgive me."
To this day it was amazing to him that having her in his life could change him so much and how it could keep changing him. Had anyone told him before that he would ever utter those two words in front of anyone, he would have told them to go have their head checked. He never would have imagined that he would feel ashamed of anything regarding himself, and yet here he was feeling exactly that because of his inability to put his trust in her unconditionally – as she had done with him. And still, she smiled at him, despite the glimmer of disappointment he could see in her eyes; still, she squeezed his hand in return and shook her head.
"There's nothing to forgive... I don't blame you for it. Everything I see sounds like the fever dream of some insane person, and even I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it."
"Don't..." he almost cut her off, earning another confused look from the redhead. "Don't try to spare my feelings; we agreed on that, right?"
"What do you want me to say?" she replied, sounding half amused. "That I'm sad to learn you didn't believe me? That I'm disappointed in you? That it hurts to know I don't have your full trust?"
At that she turned to fully face him and reached to push his hair back, using that same motion to then cup his cheek.
"Yes, I can't help feeling that way right now, but... Levi, I'm not blaming you for it. I know you're not perfect and I didn't fall in love with you because you were perfect. I love you because you're you; because even if you didn't believe everything I said, you still protected me. You still helped me with everything you could. You still loved me back."
Rather than responding at first, he only reached up to cover her hand with his own while squeezing the other in a tighter grasp.
"Marry me."
For the duration of a heartbeat, even he didn't register what he had said until he saw her eyes growing wide and the red spilling across her cheeks. Well... that wasn't exactly how he had wanted to say it, but maybe it was better that he had done it without any planning; maybe that was the right moment for it.
"Wh— wai— whuh... ho— who—?" she sputtered, a thousand questions flooding her mind.
She knew he had never talked to Elena, therefore she hadn't been the one to tell him. And among the Survey Corps, she had never spoken of that wish of hers with anyone, except...
"Hange or Mikasa?" she huffed.
"...Huh?"
"Which one of them talked to you about it? I swear... no one can keep a damn secret these days."
"Neither." he replied, leaving her at a loss for words. "I heard you... in the gardens."
=0=0=
He was heading back to the banquet after his brief talk with Mikasa when he came across Natalie and Elena, who seemed to have taken a break from all the fuss as well. Normally he would have either joined them or left them to their own devices and gone back to the table, however...
"So when are you and Levi going to get married?" Elena inquired, watching the redhead as she cradled the baby.
The question earned his full attention and though he knew he shouldn't have eavesdropped, his body moved almost on its own to conceal him behind one of the tall rose bushes lining the path. He wanted to hear what Natalie would answer to that, wanted to see the look on her face so he could tell whether her answer would be the truth or a lie... he couldn't help it, even if some part of him wanted to trust her unconditionally.
"Probably never." Natalie shrugged with a soft smile. "But I don't really mind it; it's not like I need a ceremony to love him."
"Are you sure that's for the best?" the woman pressed on, her expression turning to concern.
"...What do you mean?" the redhead replied, a wary glimmer in her eyes that found its echo in Levi's gaze.
Was Elena about to tell her that she should find someone else? He didn't want to believe the woman would stoop down to the same level as Natalie's father, but he had been wrong about people before – rarely, it was true, but it had happened.
"I don't know how I can say this without sounding offensive, so I'll simply be as direct as I can." Elena sighed with an apologetic tone in her voice. "Are you sure he loves you? I mean... are you sure beyond any doubt that he's not just toying with you? That he sees more in you than just a beautiful face and a... a way to relieve stress? That he'll really be by your side all his life? That he won't just go chasing after some pretty young thing, when you're no longer as young and beautiful as you are now?"
"Yes."
The lack of hesitation in Natalie's voice made him feel... a lot of things if he were to be honest. Some part of him had expected that answer from her, some part of him was happy that she had again proven to him he had no reason to regret his choice. And at the same time, some part of him was ashamed that he hadn't trusted her more; that he hadn't been strong enough to put his faith in her the same way she had done with him.
"Are you sure?" the young woman insisted. "I know this may not be any of my business, but you're my sister even if Karl and I didn't have the chance to get married. I don't want you to get hurt... and I'm not trying to question his honor, but if he can't make at least this kind of commitment to you—"
"No, stop... stop..." Natalie replied softly, shaking her head and reaching out to take hold of Elena's hand. "I know you have my best interest at heart, but Levi... he's not like the men we grew up around. He doesn't scheme, he never does anything with hidden motives; he's as blunt and honest as they come. Do I wish he'd marry me? Yes, because that's what I was raised to know is normal. But that's not his normality... I doubt people got married at all where he grew up. And I don't need him to do that for me; I love him either way. I don't need a ring on my finger, to know that he loves me or that he wants me at his side."
=0=0=
"Why didn't you tell me?"
In the way she lowered her eyes and the way she pressed her lips together he already knew the answer to his question, before she even spoke up.
"Because it's not that important... it's just a silly little thing that I sometimes like to think about. It's nothing worth burdening you with."
"You really are the biggest idiot sometimes."
The half-amused, half-exasperated tone in his voice made her eyes snap back to his face, just when he tugged on her hand to pull her into his arms.
"When will you learn that what's important to you is important to me too?"
"Levi—"
"When all this is over, marry me." he cut her off before she could argue.
"I... are you... sure this is...?"
"You're not planning to refuse after I went to the trouble of proposing... right?" he narrowed his eyes at her.
Unable to hold back a little laugh, Natalie shook her head and pressed her lips to his cheek.
"Thank you..." she whispered. "For being everything I could have hoped for."
His reply first came in the form of a tender kiss to her forehead, before his cheek came to rest against it.
"I don't know about that..." he at last spoke with a measure of humor to his voice. "But I think it's about time we make your dad's nightmare come true."
"We need to do it in secret then, and let him know after it's done." she giggled, turning her eyes back to where the rest of their squad was still playing in the waves.
For once they really looked like the children they were and she couldn't help feeling grateful that they had all made it so far. All she could hope was that the ones who hadn't made it were also somehow able to share in that moment with them.
"I know it's only been six years, but it feels like forever ago that this whole madness started." she sighed, at last wrapping her arms about his waist and leaning properly against him. "Do you think... you think the others can see this? That they know we finally broke free of the Walls?"
"Yeah... I'm sure they're all here with us, watching." Levi agreed after a long silence broken only by the others' distant but excited chatter. 'I hope you'll keep watching us until we get to that better future you gave your hearts for.'
=0=0=
"Absolutely not."
"But Erwin...!" Hange protested. "This is the perfect place to try it!"
Having listened to the researcher arguing their point for the past ten minutes, Natalie at last decided to join their conversation. She too was nervous about having Erwin transform, however, Hange was right; he needed to test out his power and be certain that he could control it.
"Commander..." she chimed in. "What Hange-san is saying isn't wrong. The first time I transformed I lost consciousness inside the Titan body and ended up somewhere next to the Wall. And we all know how Eren went on a rampage even on his second transformation, until Armin got a hold of him. You should test out your ability to stay in control of your Titan... and this is the best place to do it, away from everyone else."
"Wait, but even if he transforms here... if he goes on a rampage who can stop him?" Jean intervened. "What's to hold him back from heading up north and destroying the Walls?"
"...It's a risk we'll have to take. What if we need him to transform one day and he can't stay in control? Not only would he not be of any help to us, he'd end up becoming just another Bertholdt that we'd have to fight."
"What if he did it out there?" Armin suggested, pointing out to sea. "I recall you and Eren couldn't hold the first transformation for too long, with just 15-meter Titans; I'm willing to bet the Colossal Titan, as huge as he is, consumes even more of the shifter's energy during a transformation."
"Hmm, so if we have him swim out as far as he can and then transform... he might just exhaust himself by the time he reaches the beach. Then we can safely extract him from the Titan and we'll see where we go from there." Hange pondered aloud, before turning back to the Commander. "What do you think, Erwin? We have to do a test run on your powers one way or another, before we get into a situation where we need you to use them."
"They're right, Commander." Eren at last spoke up. "It's better if you can test out your power in a controlled situation like this. Doing the first transformation in the middle of battle, like I had to, should be avoided when you have this kind of opportunity. I could have killed all my friends if I hadn't been so focused on the Titans in Trost. And Mikasa is living proof of how wrong things can go when you don't have experience handling these transformations."
"Erwin—" Hange spoke up again only to be silenced when the Commander raised a hand.
"What you're all saying is sound logic. Very well, Hange... I'll indulge you just this once."
On that note, he stepped away from the group and began removing his cape.
"I want you to take all the horses behind the wall." he called out while taking off the jacket and folding it. "When I feel I've reached a safe distance, I'll fire a green flare. Hange, you'll give me the signal that I can go ahead with it by firing a response blast once you're all in position."
"Alright." they nodded, turning to the rest of the squad. "We'll switch to ODM gear after we get the horses behind the wall, and use that to climb after the shockwave passes. That way none of us should be hurt in any way and we can still watch over Erwin from a safe distance."
He had been just about to turn around and ask Hange to come retrieve his clothes, only to come face to face with the redhead.
"Just... focus on staying in control." she said, holding out her hands to retrieve his cape and jacket while he began removing the gear and harness, and speaking again when he arched a brow at the unusual advice. "It works, trust me. How do you think I got Eren to control his Titan?"
At last, he cracked a half-smile at her humorous quip, offering the gear to Levi when the young Ackerman approached to take it.
"Are you nervous?"
Her question drew Erwin's attention to the faint tremor in his hands as he worked to unbutton and remove his shirt.
"Of course I am..." he replied while folding the snowy fabric, and for once he truly did sound hesitant. "I hope you're all right about this and we won't end up with any... unpleasant incidents."
Placing the shirt in her arms as well, he removed his boots and turned back to face the water, the touch of a hand on his arm drawing his attention back to Natalie.
"You'll do well." she smiled, and the lack of hesitation in her tone partially soothed his nerves.
While she walked back to rejoin the others, Erwin retrieved the flare gun at his hip and loaded a green shell.
"Here..." Levi retorted, handing him a pocket knife. "You'll need something to draw blood."
Nodding, he secured the blade in his belt while Levi went to join his squad. With a deep breath to try and expel some of the anxiety bubbling in his chest, he placed the grip of the flare gun between his teeth and walked into the cold water.
'I suppose this is as good a test for my endurance as any.' he pondered, trying to recall the last time he had actually had to swim. 'Maybe I should get out of the office more.'
His job as the Commander of the Survey Corps was important, but it did come at the cost of weakening his physique. Then the loss of his arm had taken an even greater toll on his body, rendering him entirely unable to train or fight. All he could do was hope that he still had the resilience to swim far enough.
'No... regardless, I have to do it if I don't want to hurt any of them.' he goaded himself on as he reached the depth where he could start swimming.
=0=0=
They had managed to get the horses behind the wall, leaving Sasha and Connie to look after them, and had been waiting atop the structure for Erwin's signal.
"Alright, everyone... use the gear the anchor into the wall." Hange called out once they saw the green smoke rising from what had to be at least one mile out to sea.
'I hope that's far enough...' Natalie pondered. 'Though I doubt he'd be able to swim any more, without drowning from exhaustion.'
She had tried her best to encourage Erwin, but in reality, she too shared his worries about this test. If he did go on a rampage and reached the shore before exhausting himself... what could they even do to stop him?
"Natalie... you too!" the researcher ordered, just before the blast of the flare gun echoed over them.
Following them off the edge she took a deep breath, just moments before they heard the echo of the explosion. She would have wanted to see the moment with her own eyes, however, the risk was too great with how powerful that transformation was. Indeed, even as she was forming that thought, the entire structure trembled as she shockwave smashed into it, and she heard the horses neighing below them in fright, as well as Connie and Sasha trying to calm them down. Almost at the same moment she employed a burst of gas and propelled herself back up onto the wall to see what had happened.
The sight nearly took her breath away; the immense Titan was standing in the water that now boiled around its chest, surrounding it with thin trails of steam that mixed with the ones the breeze was blowing off its body. The entire scene almost looked surreal, a paradox between the sunny day and the calm sea, and the hellish creature wading through the waves. Like some painting in which the artist had tried to capture the borderline between dreams and nightmares; and she involuntarily shuddered when her mind replayed her face-off with Bertholdt.
The weight of a hand on her shoulder startled her and she tore her gaze from Erwin's Titan to find Levi at her side. He said nothing and yet he was aware of exactly what had unsettled her; she could see that in his eyes. When he turned to look out to sea she followed suit and watched as the Colossal continued its slow trek towards them. If she had to find a way to describe it, she would have said it was...
"He's... bigger...?" she heard Armin gasping nearby, reinforcing her initial impression.
"He certainly seems to have a lot more meat on him, than Bertholdt did." Hange agreed, sounding unusually serious. "But he looks about the same height. If anything, that'll just make him stronger than Bertholdt; should he ever need to use that steam attack to defend himself, he should be able to use it for a longer period. Which would mean better chances for us to come to his aid if such a situation would arise..."
"We need to move..." Natalie said after another couple of minutes.
Despite them having stopped at the end of the wall closest to the beach, it didn't look like that was where Erwin was headed.
"Hange-san!" she called out. "We have to move!"
"Huh?"
"He's coming straight for the wall; if he gets too close, he'll destroy the port."
Taking a moment to measure his trajectory, the researcher scowled and went for their hilts.
"Everyone get back on your horses! We'll ride down to the beach and draw him there!" they ordered.
Without waiting for any other explanation, the group ran off the edge and hurried back to get their rides. To their great relief, it seemed the plan had worked when the Titan changed course and followed them as they galloped along the path running down the cliff face, towards the stretch of sand.
"Hey... he's getting really close." Jean intervened as they dismounted and tethered the horses. "Are we sure this was a good idea?"
"I think he's starting to slow down." Mikasa pointed out a few moments later, just as the Titan had reached the shallow waters.
"Yeah, looks like he's running out of strength." Eren nodded. "He'll probably collapse any minute now."
Indeed, only two steps further the Colossal fell to its knees before landing flat on its face, with a thud that rumbled the ground akin to a light earthquake.
"Alright, let's go retrieve our Commander." Hange ordered.
It was only when they approached the fallen Titan that they realized Erwin hadn't yet emerged from within its nape.
"Oh no... is he stuck in there?!" Natalie gasped, hurrying over to the steaming pile of muscle and bone.
"Wait, Natalie!" Hange called out, only to sigh when Levi ran up to join her.
Taking care to anchor into the exposed bone on the Titan's skull, they scaled the scalding body.
"I thought this might have happened." the young Captain sighed at the sight of the nape having split open to reveal Erwin's back, without the man actually having gotten out. "He's too tired to get out on his own."
"Was it the same with me?" Natalie asked, only continuing after he nodded. "How... did you get me out?"
"Come on..."
Gesturing for her to follow him, he explained what he had done after her battle with the Beast Titan, and Natalie at last realized what had caused the burns on his hands back then.
"Alright... let's do it." she nodded.
"Wait..." Levi scolded her. "I swear; you're too hasty for your own good, sometimes. Here..."
It was now that she noticed he had grabbed both their water canteens from the saddlebags before following her, and she obeyed when he ordered her to pour the water along her forearms and soak her sleeves in it. Without further ceremony, she then positioned herself on one side of the nape and shoved her hands inside the heated mass of sinewy muscle with no hesitation. Again her mind replayed her long standoff with Bertholdt, the memories triggered by the heat that assaulted her skin, but she did her best to ignore that and focus on her task, secretly grateful that she had listened to Levi's advice. So far it seemed the water was doing a fair job of protecting her arms, though she could feel the fabric drying rapidly.
"...I've got his arm!" she gasped, after a few moments of searching through the blistering heat.
"Alright... pull!" Levi nodded.
Even with their joint efforts, it still felt like forever before they managed to drag the Commander's body out of the nape and carry him down onto the sand. For a moment Natalie could only heave for breath, watching her hands as they twitched at the searing pain until her healing kicked in; even with the water, her skin hadn't been entirely spared from the scalding heat. And then she recalled that, unlike her, Levi wouldn't be healing so quickly. Standing she made a beeline for the Captain who was still breathing heavily through the pain, while Mikasa approached them with her own canteen and a pair of clean pieces of fabric.
"Here... give me your hands." the brunette requested.
Soaking the cloth with the water from the canteen, she carefully wrapped them around his hands hoping it would ease his discomfort.
"Looks like you'll have to ride back with me; there's no way you can ride on your own like this." Natalie concluded.
When he said nothing she turned her eyes up to his face, only to find Levi watching her with that rare soft expression he sometimes showed her.
"Yes, yes... I'll try to nag you less than I did with the ankle." she giggled.
She would have kissed him, despite the others being nearby, had they not gathered around to see if they were alright. And for the following hour, while they waited for Erwin to regain consciousness, Natalie sat by Levi to make sure the fabric around his hands stayed wet especially after he had confirmed that it did help with the mild pain.
~ oOo ~
"How are you two?"
Having left Levi in his office to tend some paperwork after they had arrived at the barracks, Natalie had gone to Erwin's office knowing the man would want to get a report on their current state.
"We're both fine... you weren't hot enough to melt the flesh off our bones." she replied, allowing herself a measure of humor given that they were alone.
It was so subtle that she wouldn't have noticed it had she not been paying attention, but the change in his expression told her he blamed himself for it.
"It's not your fault, Erwin." she assured him, taking advantage of their private meeting to speak less formally. "You'll get better at it, just like Eren and I did. No one expected you to do perfectly on your first try... we all knew this test would most likely end badly. But it will get better; it will get easier to use this power. I promise."
"Sit."
It wasn't so much his request, but the soft tone he had never before used on her that surprised the redhead. She barely noticed him gesturing to one of the couches at the table in the middle of the spacious room, moving to follow when he stood from the desk to take up the armchair at the head of the table. Doing as she had been told, she watched him expectantly and for once felt that he wanted to talk to her not as her Commander, but simply as Erwin Smith.
"There have only been two moments in my life when I was truly afraid to my core. One was when I received the news that my father had died, and realized I was all alone in the world – worse, that I was the cause of it." he began. "The other was when that Titan had me in its jaws. I thought I would die that day, that it was finally time to pay back all the blood spilled under my orders. I really didn't think I would get out of that alive... but I did. And I only have you to thank for that. Even when I scolded you for disobeying my order, I was grateful that you did so."
"I wasn't about to let you die there. And I believe blind obedience is the mark of a fool, not a sign of devotion or loyalty. You gave me an order that I deemed to be stupid, so I did what I knew was better. I made the choice that I knew I wouldn't regret."
At that, the man huffed with a smile, and when he turned his eyes back to her she could see the heartfelt gratitude nestled there.
"I keep telling Levi he has no reason to worry over you as much as he does." he said, reaching out only to gently grasp her fingers when she placed her hand in his. "Thank you. For joining the Survey Corps... for being as devoted as they come... for having the courage to think for yourself... for saving my life."
Though she smiled, he saw the pained look that crossed her face as she lowered her eyes to his right hand which was holding hers.
"Levi told me you didn't let Armin take the serum, back at Shiganshina." she sighed, tracing her thumb back and forth across his knuckles. "I'm grateful for that... even if I wish you wouldn't have to carry this kind of burden."
"It's not a burden." he replied, releasing her and turning his eyes down to his hand. "This gave me back all I had lost. With my arm gone I was useless as a soldier; my entire life's work and dedication were gone. Sometimes I look at this... and I still can't believe it's real. The only thing Levi and I feared, was that our decision would turn out to be something that would work against the better future you're trying to lead us to."
"It didn't... that future I was trying to change is still there, just... altered. I don't know if I can make anything better. I don't know why I was chosen for this; I'm not the one who can make a better future for humanity. People like you are the ones who can."
Having watched her in silence as she stared at the hands gathered on her lap, Erwin heaved a soft sigh before speaking up again.
"Natalie... look at me." he said, knowing by the change in her expression that she had read his gaze correctly. "If there is someone who can lead us to something better... I have the utmost faith that it is you. I may be able to strategize and plan ahead for certain events. But your compassion is what will make a brighter future for us. I was always fine with being a devil, with sacrificing the people I had to in order to drive humanity forward. And at some point, I became so used to it that... death lost its true weight for me. But you never became that; even when you had to let people die, you could still grasp the full magnitude of their deaths. To this day, you're still so empathetic that it never ceases to amaze me. When we saw our enemies as traitors and murderers who deserved to die, you were the only one who saw them for what they truly were... children forced into impossible situations. That's why I didn't let Arlert do it; because pushing these burdens onto our children makes us no different from the ones who want to destroy us."
In the following silence, the redhead again lowered her gaze, mulling over Erwin's words, when he went on drawing her attention back to him.
"Levi worries over you so much; and I don't blame him, given your tendencies. But I do hope that one day you'll both realize... truly realize how strong you are on your own. Until you see that in yourself the same way everyone else sees it, you won't be able to handle this burden you were chosen to carry."
Again they fell into a fairly comfortable silence that left Natalie with the opportunity to reassess herself. But Erwin already knew his advice had reached her, simply by watching the way her expression changed as she turned his words over in her head. With all that had happened, he was now convinced that she would be the one to lead them to something better. All she had to do was to accept that role, to accept how terribly important she was for their future, to accept that she was strong and more than able to save their people. But at last, she clasped her hands tightly together and leveled a determined gaze back at him.
"Now what?"
"Now that you have all of the future host's memories; now that you have fully grasped the magnitude of the situation our people are in, the full scale of the world beyond our Walls; now that I have made it clear to you how important you are for our people's future; now, I trust that you won't be withholding any more information from me. Other people may be privy to your knowledge as you see fit... but I want you to not hide from me anymore. This world is growing much too fast; we don't have the time to play mind games among ourselves."
"Then... if I may make a few suggestions?" she nodded, and Erwin knew from her tone that she was about to reveal what she knew about the events which would come next.
With his nod, she took a deep breath and spared a moment to arrange her thoughts before speaking up again.
"The first thing we should do is to map out the entire island. You told me that you saw a map of it in Bertholdt's memories; so you already know how big this place actually is. It'll take us a while, but we need to make absolutely certain of two things. One, that no more Titans are roaming around out there. Secondly, that we know every last bit of land around us. In the eventuality of an armed attack, we need to be aware of any place that could serve as hideouts; places where we could stash weapons, food, medical supplies..."
"I'll speak with the Mapmakers' Guild." Erwin agreed, already forming a plan in his head. "I believe the Survey Corps can help with this."
"I would suggest maybe sending each squad out along with one or two mapmakers. Even so, it will probably take at least a few months to get it done in detail. Then, after we're certain there are no more Titans on the island, we have to focus on that port. We need to establish a supply route that leads there and post permanent guards at that wall. If this will play out like it already did last time... we should expect some Marley survey ships to arrive within the year. We need to be ready to intercept them. I'm hoping we can convince at least some of them to cooperate with us..."
"I'll handle that." the Commander nodded, having taken a few moments to better analyze her body language. "In the meantime, I want you to take a break."
"A... break? From what?" she inquired, confused by his choice of words.
"From trying to carry the burdens of the entire world on your shoulders. You still haven't even fully recovered from the Shiganshina expedition, or from these new visions you keep having... have you?"
At first, she stared him down with an unreadable expression, until his unyielding gaze compelled her to heave a sigh.
"Just how much did Levi tell you?"
"He didn't give me any details, nor did he need to. When you've known someone for as long as I have known you both, it's easy to read the changes. You're both still worn out since that mission... I can't have either of you breaking down. Our people need you two now, more than ever."
He wouldn't say it directly, but Levi had grown so worried about her that he had discussed her frequent nightmares with him. And now that Erwin had gotten the chance to see her up close and actually take the time to look at her properly, he could plainly see why the young Captain was concerned. She looked incredibly exhausted – both physically and emotionally – and he could see she was on the verge of collapsing, whether it was her body or her mind that would break first.
'He did tell you about the nightmares, didn't he?' she sighed internally.
She wasn't certain how many of those had been real visions and how many had simply been her own mind plaguing her with horrible images, because so many of them were so similar. But ever since Ymir had first shown her the new future they were heading for, she had rarely been able to get a full night's rest. She had lost track of how many nights she had spent in Levi's office, having taken up the habit of going there whenever she woke up covered in sweat and gasping for breath. Several times he had stayed with her in her room to try and get her to rest in a more comfortable place than the office couch. But in the end, when they had realized it wasn't going to be a rare occurrence, she had convinced him it was better if she came to him so as to not keep him from his work.
She had to wonder when the last time she had looked into a mirror had been; mostly because she could tell from the others' expressions that she looked terrible due to the lack of rest and the mental exhaustion. And she knew they all worried about her. She knew she couldn't go on like that; that she would ultimately have a mental breakdown, sooner rather than later. So perhaps Erwin was right... maybe she did need a break from the soldier life, at least for a few days.
Sooo today's replies for my lovely reviewers :D
1. MordredVisor - As always love, thank you so much for taking the time to leave feedback! Make sure you keep yourself warm, if you live in an area where you get a cold season like we do. Hope you're staying safe out there! :D
(ch. 32) - Well what I can say is that I have very big plans for Ymir. My version of the Rumbling Arc will definitely be different than the canon one... to a huge extent. I want Ymir to be more of a character than a plot device and more of her own person than just a puppet for the sake of pushing the story line forward. I also have yet another OC prepared for that arc, one that I have yet to add to my website; he'll be added there once he shows up in the story so keep an eye out for him later on ;)
And yes we're starting to see exactly how much of a toll her powers and the things she sees take on her mental and emotional health. Emotionally she's fairly safe, because she has Levi who's always there for her, whom she knows loves her unconditionally. But mentally, it's a bit more complicated especially with the lack of mental health care in the AoT universe. So she's kind of starting to feel the price she has to pay for her powers.
So these are my replies for today. Cheers, lovelies~ ( ˘ ³˘)❤