Erin stomps into her apartment dead tired but still knowing the minute her head hits the pillow she'd be wide awake. Hank had stayed to handle the body… and she has to think of it in those terms because thinking of her as Nadia is too much to take.
It takes the second she turns on the lights to realize something is different. Liv has been here. The reason she knows that is not only is her place suddenly spotless but her best friend's perfume tends to linger long after she has left.
She turns in to the kitchen flicking on the lights. There on the island lay her birthday gifts.
She knows the flowers have been arranged by Liv herself since none of the flowers really should go together but that has never stopped Liv. There are daisies, lilies, peonies, sunflowers, and tulips all vying for space in the vase.
She steps forward and looks over her gifts. A digital frame Klaire has clearly finger painted on already loaded with pictures, a series of trashy books they had planned to read together and a gold necklace is looped on the frame.
She can't remember the name of the saint but she knows it's purpose. It's Patron Saint of the impossible. It never ever leaves Liv's possession. Suddenly Erin really wants to cry for more than Nadia.
She sees the envelope half hidden by the frame. She picks it up trying to decide if she even wants to be comforted maybe especially by Liv, her truest and oldest friend. It seems disloyal to Nadia. Though maybe having Liv's voice in her head can drive away the roaring of her guilt.
She opens the envelope and tucked inside is a single page letter.
Erin,
I won't wish you a happy birthday because it wasn't happy. I'll say instead I'm glad whatever awesome deity it was that deigned we should be friends gave me another year destined to be full of ups, downs, joys, anger, sorrows, and general weird shitness with you.
You are and will always be my first person. If there's anything losing Shay has taught me personally it's that I can't fix everything I can't make your world ok right now and it really sucks. Know that I am here. I will listen, I will lift you up when you think you can't move. I can't take away the pain but I'll promise to still be waiting on the other side as you walk through this hell.
It took me a long time to learn I can't really grieve with you. So because I can't do the fixing I want to do, your house is spotlessly clean. I couldn't be still and was driving my lovely husband insane. Also, I preemptively took every bit of alcohol and pill from your house aside from Advil and cooking sherry. Don't hate me. You told me to do it if I thought you might be in danger of slipping and so I did.
I hope you like everything. I love you!
-Liv Lou
Erin smiles a bit sadly. Sometimes she thinks if they were gay Liv just might be the love of her life…
She texts her quickly. "I'm glad the best friend Goddess gave me you too! Thank you for everything even being the junkie police and my house wife! I love you too!"
"Glad I could help. Are you okay? Holding up?"
She doesn't know how to respond to that so she doesn't say anything.
-/-
The phone rings and rings from the sink counter where Liv is putting on her make up for the work day. She hits the red end circle when Erin's voicemail picks up again. Kelly swipes it before she can redial.
"Let it go Boo." He advises.
"But-"
"You always say we're alike right?" She shrugs putting on her mascara. "Then let her come to you." She paused to look at him. "She will babe, just give her time." He says kindly.
"Right." She finishes her mascara and watches him brush his teeth. After catching her stare in the mirror he turns to her wiping his mouth on the wash cloth he'd used shaving.
"What?" she tilts her head up and he knows without prompting what she means. He kisses her. "Babe? What is it?"
"Nothing, I just love you." She reaches up spiking up his still damp hair.
He promptly flattens it again. "I love you too."
-/-/-
Liv gets to work and decides to check on Elise her SCI patient. She checks the files from her tablet. Psychology `had made notations of suicidal ideation. Liv stomach sinks.
"It says here you're having some dark thoughts." Liv says holding the girl's gaze despite being at the foot of the bed,
"You're a bright little crayon Doc." Comes the sarcastic snarl
Liv has to hold back a laugh. "You sound like my little sister."
"Which one word on the floor is you have like forty two of them? You a Mormon?"
Liv smiles in spite of herself. "Not at all, my parents believe in loving in multitudes. Wanna talk about it?"
"How do you not hate it?"
"Truthfully? It depends on the day. Loving myself is a constant work in progress. Including letting people love me, letting them help me… It's a struggle I won't lie to you but the more you see yourself as whole, less the world's opinion matters. There is no right or wrong way to start. You just do it." Liv said in unvarnished honesty few people got from her.
"And if my boyfriend and friends leave me?" The girl counters with an eyebrow raise.
"Some people will go, some will stay and some will come just when you need them."
"I still don't know how anyone is going to love someone who has to train their body to shit on command."
"If I prove it's possible will you go to therapy and try for me? I couldn't fix it for you and for that I'm sorry but I'll have your back for as long as you'll let me. Regardless of all that you gotta get in the chair and start somewhere."
"I don't think you have proof, your family doesn't count they're required to love you."
"Fair point…you'll see."
"See what?"
"Get in the chair and find out. You don't have the halo anymore and I'll find you some temporary electric wheels."
=/=/=
Liv sincerely hopes that she is doing the right thing by letting Elise shadow her all day. She stays in the background for the emergencies and talks to people as they go by. She strikes up an animated conversation with Jodi about some Shadow Hunter thingy Liv only understands through second hand retellings from Rainey. Holmby flirts with her just enough to garner a bashful blush and Liv has never been more grateful for Holmby's unapologetic charm.
They drop by the day care and Klaire enthusiastically climbs up into her lap. "Who's this?" Elise asks.
"This is Klaire my daughter." She replies watching as Klaire settles herself into Elise's lap. She loops her chubby arms around Elise's neck over the brace. "Be gentle Baby, Elise has Ouchies okay?"
"Ouchies…"
"Yup." Elise replies and Klaire nods sagely.
"You have a kid?"
"Two… more one day I don't think Kelly and I are done yet."
"They let you do that?"
Liv laughs she can't help it "I didn't ask anyone's permission Elise. The point I'm trying to make is yes, you will have a harder life now but it can still be full and happy."
Gabi walks in… "We brought in some gas leak victims… Kelly almost blew himself up but I think you have bigger issues. My brother is outside and he said some stuff went down and he needs to talk to you."
She passes Kelly on the way out. "Seriously what are you fucking Wiley Coyote?"
"Road Runner baby, I didn't go boom." She shoots him a dirty look. "Not the point I know…I saved lives!"
"And I'm glad… I'm not mad just… be careful! Please God. Just be freakin careful."
Always baby. You need anything while I'm here?"
"Coffee lots of it. Could you go check on Klairey? I left her with my paraplegic patient."
"You what?" He accused
"I'm trying to help her assimilate to life as it is now. She's a little girl she'll think you're cute, be nice to her."
"Baby! Seriously?" he says mystified.
"What? I'm paraplegic." Liv said utterly confused.
"Yes I noticed but she's a newbie and a scared one. "
"I was standing right there." She said pausing. "Metaphorically speaking." That gets an honest smile from him.
"Where are they?"
"Daycare."
"I got it." He said as she grabbed the suspender still looped over his shoulder.
She pulls him in for a quick kiss. "I love you." She said letting him go. "Hi Rice." She said rolling past him.
"I love you too." He calls out to her. "Hey Liv, Meep, Meep." He adds and her burst of laughter makes him smile
-/-
"Hey Antonio. How can help you?"
"Lindsay let someone hold a gun to her head today and practically begged them to shoot her. Voight's trying to act like it's no big deal…but."
"It's a fucking big deal!" Liv barely keeps from shouting.
"I know which is why I thought you could talk to her."
"And I will but she needs help Antonio. A pep talk and a hug ain't gonna do it. "
She said. "God I hope Hank knows what he's doing. I'll call her."
-/-
Kelly finds her sitting alone in one of the bad news waiting rooms on the phone. "Black as death and hot as fire just like you like." He offers her the biggest cup he could find.
She nods and takes the proffered cup. "Erin, I'm trying to give you the space you need but when you let the crazies try to blow your brains out, I get really scared. Call me that is not a request either I'll send my mother and her social worker psycho babble super powers after you. Really, all jokes aside call me I love you and I'm worried."
"What's going on Livvy?"
"Honestly Kell? I just don't know anymore. I guess its Erin's turn to spiral and for me to catch her. I'm honestly not sure I can. She's taking a nose dive into oblivion and fast."
"She'll be okay baby." He pressed a kiss into her forehead.
"She's blaming herself and I don't know something feels off."
"We'll bring her food and get her to talk I'll go with you."
"Thank you baby."
"Not a problem…"
-/-/-
Liv drives to the house to pick up the frozen casserole she's frozen for Erin to reheat and then goes by the firehouse to follow Kelly to Erin's, when she walks up on Matt and Kelly fighting about Rice.
"This again? Seriously, they're running this shit into the ground." She said to Gabi.
"You wouldn't understand,"
"Of course not, I'm only Kelly's wife." Liv snaps before she can stop herself.
"That's not what I meant. I trust Otis over Rice any day."
"And I trust Kelly every day. Kelly asked him and he gave a flat no. Kelly's gotta back his guy. Do I think Rice lied? It's likely and if Kelly catches him at it he'll handle it. Treating Kelly like shit for trying to be fair is stupid of all of you and wrong."
"And I wonder how you're going to feel when he gets Kelly killed?" Gabi counters with a glare.
She doesn't reply because she likes Gabi and only scathing words are burning on her tongue. She whistles at Kelly in a cat call to draw his attention away from his blow out with Matt.
"Hey Baby." He says tiredly.
"Hey Honey, ready?"
"Umm hum," He strode up to her and kissed her then grabbed her hand to pull her along behind him to the cars. "Do you mind if we detour to the repair shop first?"
"Not at all."
-/-
She plays Trivia Crack with Mila while she waits outside the repair shop. When Kelly comes back out he stomps to the car getting in and slamming the door she backs out of her game and calls him.
"Kelly?"
"Let's just go to Erin's okay?"
"Lead the way my love."
-/-
Liv unlocks Erin's door using her keys when the other woman doesn't answer her knocking. "Baby, I don't think we should just go in."
"Why not? She's not answering and I have a key." Liv looks up at him expectantly.
"It just seems inappropriate."
"This coming from the man who thought a quickie in my parent's bathroom was a good idea?" She counters.
He chuckles. "Point taken but let the record show there is never a bad time for sex."
"Uh huh, put away the casserole for me Stud. I'm gonna see if E, is still home." She says rolling down the hall.
-/-/-
Seconds later Kelly hears. "Hey Erin, I brought you-AHHH! Who the fuck are you?"
He drops the casserole on the counter and runs into the room he saw Liv go into. He throws her behind him as a pudgy drugged up dude he can totally take bows up at him. "Who the fuck are you?"
"She asked you first."
"Whatever you fire happy homo." Kelly is utterly confused until he saw the Rainbow sticker Klaire had stuck to his jacket earlier in the day.
"Answer my wife." He spits back.
"I'm Landon, Erin's friend."
Liv gently pushed Kelly aside. She cocked her head at the man. "I know what you are; you're a one night stand she's wishing she could take back. A mistake, listen buddy, do your walk of shame and move on." Liv retorts calmly.
"Bunny set us up."
"Yeah, that doesn't exactly help your case there bud. It's like saying we met on cokeheads looking for love dot com. So please, just leave." Kelly added.
She watches Kelly see the other man out. "Cokeheads looking for love?" Liv cackled once the door closed. "That one was good."
"And On such short notice too." Kelly wheels her to the kitchen to put away the food.
"I'm going to pick up a bit." She turns to head for Erin's bedroom.
"My baby," Kelly started and she turned to him as he continued on. "You aren't her mother and at some point grief stops being an acceptable excuse… it's been a few weeks and clearly keeping your distance and helping from the sidelines aren't working."
"What are you saying?" Liv scowled at him and rolled on reaching her room.
"I'm saying maybe it's time for some tough love." He calls out.
"Can I give it some- never mind… come here."
"What?" he finds Liv next to the half made bed staring mutely at the night stand. There various bottles and lines of something or the spread out on top of it.
Liv looks through the bottles. "Oxycodone, Adderall, Vicodin, and I think the lines are cocaine. It's too fine to be crushed up pills and mixing the Oxy and the Adderall can kill her so let's hope she was smart enough not to party mix the shit."
"Well she is clearly not in her right mind and…"
"I know that Kelly! She snapped. "I'm sorry baby I just don't know what to do."
"We start by removing Aaron and Klaire from her life." He said firmly.
Liv's eyes fill with tears. "You're right I know that but…" Her voice cracked as she broke down. Kelly stepped over discarded clothes and dirty sheets to wrap her in hug. "But if they go, I'll likely go with them and I won't know when to save her. We always have each other's backs."
"You can't save someone from themselves especially if that can't see what's worth saving. Trust me Livvy, I'd know." He says into the crook of her neck before pressing a kiss to the skin there.
"Just how far do I let her fall? I almost lost you." She says turning her face to look at him.
He quietly answers. "My mistakes are on me. Erin's are on her. You can't talk her out of her guilt babe."
"I should tell Hank. She can't be high and hung over and be working it's not safe."
"Don't you think Hank knows?" he replies kicking at the dirty sheets intent on rolling Liv out of here.
"Yes, I do but I think he's in denial about how deep this has her hooked." She takes his hand.
"You trust him every day to keep her safe. Keep doing it." He gives what he hopes is a comforting squeeze.
"I trust Erin to keep herself safe just like I do with you."
-/-/-
Liv goes metaphorically running when she sees Bronwyn G. Grayne next on her patient list. She whips the curtain back "Grady!"
Erin sits perfectly still on the exam table. "You asshole! Do you know the things that just went through my head?" She reprimands Erin.
"I'm sorry I just needed your help ASAP!"
"Next time just page me yourself don't use bait it's cowardly. What do you need?"
"Can you sober me up before a piss test?"
"Depends." She gritted out fighting annoyance. "What's in your system Erin? Oxy? Coke, a little X? You always liked the X right?" Liv asks snippily steadily losing her cool.
"Don't be like this Livvy." Erin can read her body language easy the crossed arms and sour scowl means she's pissed
"Like what? Concerned? Worried? When you're asking me to help you dry out?" She shot back.
"Can you help me or not?"
Liv closed her eyes and counted to ten. She opened them, and then gave an answer. "I can banana bag you and hydrate you but short of pissing in the cup for you I can't fix this. Whatever is your system is going to stay for a bit. My pee is going to show traces of Prozac not prescribed to you. So, even if Kelly wouldn't kill me for it and I agreed to help you I can't your stuck E. Banana Bag? It'll make you feel less like hammered dog shit."
"I don't remember shit Liv, not a damn thing. I have no clue what I took last night." She scrubbed her hands down her face.
"I sure as hell hope you don't remember Landon." Liv said teasingly. She reached into her pockets. "Do your veins still roll?" she reached for her tourniquet and her fingers brushed paper. She pulls out a piece of notebook paper folded into the shape of a penguin that stood up in her palm.
"Cute." Erin says with a ghost of a smile.
Liv sat the note aside and got out an IV kit. "Don't look while I do this." Liv instructed as she tied the tourniquet on and found a vein and inserted the needle. "That was decidedly easy. I miss working with non-wiggly people sometimes." She fixed the IV and undid the tourniquet.
"So, Kelly and I made a choice as long as you're using you get no access to the kids. None, I'll always be here but we're not exposing them to your self-destruction." She set the IV drip rate.
"Oh but exposing them to Kelly's was just fine!" Erin snarls pettily.
"That was different." Liv returns in short order. "He cheated on me and shut me out. I'll give you that but he's not an addict."
"Liam's an addict too, you gonna shut him out too if he slips?" Erin hedged pulling at straws.
"He was thirteen Erin, not thirty. He's not hell bent on killing himself like you are, but if he was I'd walk away from him if it meant keeping my kids safe and emotionally healthy."
"Oh and you're the perfect example of mental health?"
"I'm not dignifying your cattiness with a reply, not this time and when you've finally got your head out of your ass and feel bad for using my biggest fear against me? I want you to remember I really am your friend. Because I want to bail you out Erin, so badly but I can't and you know that. You know I hate doing this and you being bitch should make it easier for me but it doesn't, so know that I forgive you but that vindictive addictive voice inside you can go fuck itself for all I care." She snatches Kelly's note off the table and rolls out.
-/-
In the on call room she reads Kelly's note.
Babe,
I love you for so many reasons. For example you have the best booty ever. So when I say I love yo ass I mean it both figuratively and literally. Ok so I did the fishbowl of niceness thing and my task was to tell you five things I love and admire about you so here goes (Seriously)
I am constantly in awe of your ability to jump in with both feet, to find the answer you seek, or just trust the universe. You have the heart of the most hopeful optimist and I love that, because it is not something I possess at all. I am reckless but you're the brave one.
I love you for always thinking of others first. You always want to help, or fix things people who are as giving as you are rare these days.
I love that you understand the way I show love, we have our problems but you have always understood that my way of loving you will always be more physical than spoken.
I love you for seeing the good in people that I don't like or understand. You always try to help things with Benny and I but are still willing to protect me first.
I love the incredible mother that you are. I love the way you try to see the world through their eyes.
I love you for a million small reasons and millions of big ones too. I love the way happy endings make you cry because you believe they're possible but still you know you don't always get them. I love you for the shitty music you sing in the shower. I love you because you always give me the last piece of pizza. I love that you love your friends as though they are family.
I know a conversation you have to have to have today will break some part of your heart. Just know I love you so much and I'm here baby.
-Kell
P.S. I get brownie points for the origami right? It was difficult I practiced it a lot. My points will be redeemed in sex just so we're clear.
P.P.S. Look at me being all communicative! You proud or what? I love you, I'll never stop.
She takes exactly ten minutes for lunch and eats a banana in the truck on the way to the firehouse.
She rolls into the deadly silent firehouse. "I know why you did it! Every man here has family, and friends, people they will leave behind if things go south but they still go in!" She hears Kelly say. Otis catches sight of her but says nothing.
There is a quieter reply. "I have a wife and kids too man! What if they weren't able to get me out? Were you ready to look my wife in the eyes every time you walked into the hospital or a CFD function? Or God forbid my daughter's wedding? Because I accept every day there is a good chance I could be leaving them fatherless but what I refuse to accept is them being fatherless at the fault of another. I understand what you were doing for Logan, I understand it fully. The difference is if something ever happens to Livvy, I know I'm out."
There's a pause. "I have proof I wouldn't be kicking you off my squad without it. Look it was my mistake for thinking I could be your friend and your boss but it's your fault for thinking you were ready. You're not ready Scott; you are hereby released from squad three. Please gather your things and say your goodbyes."
Unsure of the protocol for this kind of thing she waits in Kelly's quarters. When he comes in he doesn't see her. When he tosses off his jacket it lands in her lap. "Is this your way of like giving me your letterman jacket or something?" He jumps clear out of his skin.
"Jesus baby, make some damn noise."
She gives him a slow smile. "I usually stick out like a sore thumb."
"Not to me you don't, I mean yes to be you will always stand out in the crowd but you're never out of place to me." He crosses to her as always. Like he's drawn into her gravitational pull.
"I'll let Tess put playing cards in my spokes again if it will make you feel better. Now I came here to redeem your sex offer… do you remember the promise you made involving your desk? That was the one I was going to cash in but now I only have like five minutes tops so…What's up my love?"
"I meant the desk sex thing too. Like I've been looking forward to it." He pouts.
"But?" She pushes.
"I never had to fire anyone."
"Ah, I've had people taken off my service because trauma wasn't their bag. I think that's what you did for Rice, he may never see that way though and that's fine. You gave him a way to find something that fits his life now is all; He is a grown man Kelly. He'll move on. Thank you for my love note penguin."
"Well I suppose you're right…" He grabs the front end of the wheelchair to tip her backwards. "And…" He leaned in and kissed her. "I'm glad…." He whispers into her mouth as she wraps her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back. "I could make you smile… you taste like bananas."
Matt is used to hearing Kelly and Liv fool around so he mostly ignores the low whispers and kissing sounds. Whatever keeps a marriage alive he supposes?
Moments later he hears a thunderous crash. When no laughter follows the immediate sound, he gets up and walks to Kelly's side. He knocks.
"You guys alright?" he says before sticking his head in.
Liv is lying on the floor still in her tipped over wheelchair. Liv is laughing so hard no sound is coming out and Kelly somehow got tangled in the front wheels has given up trying to stand just sits next to her feet.
Their silent laughter erupts into cackling noise.
"Are you guys alright?" he reiterates.
"Baby are you okay?" Kelly asks trying to catch his breath before laughing again.
"I'm fine…bumped my head but I'm fine. You let me go!"
"I thought I had you balanced on the wall." He defends.
Liv catches her breath. "You wanted to cop a feel lets be real. Now, which one of you assholes is going to help me up?"
"The asshole that dropped you." Matt answers while helping Kelly to his feet. "Smooth moves Severide."
"Hey he did try to catch me he just failed miserably." She said as Kelly picked her up and Matt righted the chair.
-/-/-
Kelly walks her to her car. "Are you sure you're okay babe?" he kissed the top of her head. "If you get a headache, go see Carver."
"You just told me to go see my Ex…" She laughed. "I love it."
"Have you seen Erin?" He asks.
"I have it didn't go well."
Rather than tip her backward again, he goes around facing her and kisses her goodbye. "When you're ready I'm here babe."
"I know, see you at home Kell." She says doing everything she needs to, to get back in the truck.
"See ya Livvy. Love ya."
"Ditto, be careful."
-./-
Liv rolls back into to the hospital it's free of a good trauma so she asks the charge nurse where she's needed.
"What ya got for me Rox?"
"Foreign object up the nose in 3, chicken pox in 7, and there was a delivery for you. Did you kiss that sexy fireman for me?"
"Just for me Roxy. I'll go pull…a toy solider out of a kid's nose and go deal with a neurotic anti-vaccer mom." She takes the envelope and rips it open.
Inside lay her St. Rita medal, Patron Saint of the impossible. It was given to her by the father of her first solo save. She'd lent the medal that never left her pocket to Erin, to get her through the hardship of losing her friend on the job.
There's a simple note it's taped to it. "I don't need this anymore."-Erin
-/-
"Why do little boys shove things up their nose? It's disgusting and I'm a doctor." She texts Kelly after the solider removal.
"A hole is a hole is hole baby, haven't you seen the video of the kid who spazzes out over Warcraft and tries to shove a remote up his ass? We're a weird lot baby…"
"Do what? Ouch!"
She doesn't get a reply from Kelly but doesn't think it over much. He'll probably make some lewd retort when he sees her in the morning. What she doesn't expect is to find him at around 4 in the afternoon sitting in the floor of the day care playing with Klaire and staring at Aaron as he slept. She can tell he's only playing with Klaire halfheartedly instead he seems to be soaking up being in her orbit.
Something is terribly wrong. He's eerily quiet.
"You wanna tell me what's going on?" She rolls up beside him and for once she's taller than him as he sits in the floor. When he glances up at her eyes seemingly searching her thoroughly she feels a trickle of alarm slide down her spine. "Kelly?"
"My God, you're pretty." He whispers. She's wearing grey scrubs the color of steel wool and her ever present ponytail, her makeup has reached the point where it's half gone and she's pretty sure she has someone else's pee on her right pant leg. She is far from pretty.
"I look like hammered shit Kell." She deadpans
"Not to me, to me you look really damn good." He says grinning at her.
"What happened?" She pushes.
"You're entitled to your fears baby. I'll never try to talk you out of them again."
And now she's really scared. "Kelly what happened?"
"Gabi and I were trapped today, out of air, we were skimming air off the water house and…"
"And?!"
"The water cut off and they pulled all other men to other fires."
"What do you mean?" She screeches unable to contain it.
"I mean another chief considered our lives acceptable losses." He says plainly.
"You're not an acceptable loss for me, ever." She says seriously.
"I know that Livvy. Today was a really close call. Then the guys turned the water back on and chief got us out. I didn't even think it all through until after. Chief sent me here for smoke inhalation treatment but I couldn't stay, I had to see them, had to touch them. How many I love yous do think it'll take to get Klaire through a lifetime if I'm not here to show her how she's to be respected and loved?"
"Can we not talk like that please?"
"No I mean it, we lead by example right? I love you, I love so much it surprises me sometimes and I respect you more than anything in this world. You're my best friend."
"Shay." Liv goes to correct ho,
"Shay wasn't first thing I thought of when the danger cleared, It was you." He gestures to the kids. "It was them."
"That's a high compliment."
"It's the truth. How has your day shaped up?" He picks up her hand from where it sets on the wheel of her chair. He threads their fingers and holds her hand.
"Poorly, I'm worried I broke something while trying to protect it. Nothing I can do is right here Kell."
"That bad?"
"She gave back Rita."
"Well shit…" he sighed.
"Yeah."
"I got you baby…I'll be the very best, bestie evet… I mean really bestie's with sex added what's better?"
Liv snorted a laugh. "God I love you. Nothing's better baby, except maybe this day ending."
"Fuck Yes!" he agreed whole heartedly.
"Fuck Yes!" Klaire parroted.
"Don't you dare laugh Kelly! Straight face it. Serious, stern bad Klaire face… shit it's not working." They both dissolved into laughter.
-/-/-
Kelly watched Liv from across the bar. She sat with Rainey drunkenly clinging to her as they sang "I wish you would come pick up fuck me up steal my records… screw all my friends they're all full of shit…with a smile on your face and then do it again come pick me up."
"We should probably cut Rainey off…" Kelly mused.
"She's not even legal!" Gabi griped from behind the bar.
"Yeah well… with the day Liv's had she needed her sisters and Rainey is the fun one… She's almost 19 she's gonna drink, its best if she does it where we can see."
"Good point, I just hope her fake ID is good."
"Yeah, Yeah, I always make sure the girls get home safely."
"Boy Scout." Gabi jabs.
Kelly shrugged. "Husband." He states turning and facing away from Gabi. Rainey climbs on the table as "Shut up and dance." starts playing from the speakers around the bar. She moves swiftly despite her prosthesis. "Aw fuck." he muttered.
He walked over to their booth. "Rainey get down."
"You're not my Daddy." She points out.
"Still I need you to get down." He tries again.
"Livvy…" Rainey pouted and Liv just drunkenly smiles up at him.
"HI baby, sit by me!"
Kelly laughed. "Hey sweetheart, what're you drinkin' now?"
"Something blue…" She held up a finger. "I'm not drunk."
He leaned in and kissed her she tasted like summer and expensive tequila. She pulls him closer and kisses back. He knows two things, she's going to have a major hang over and he knows exactly where this is headed and is totally on board.
"Get off the table Rainey." He hears Gabi say. "Uh, nope not gonna work I don't find Liv near as enticing as Kelly does. Off the table." She orders.
"Were you scared? Am I allowed to ask that? Kelly clammed up when I asked." Rainey asked getting down finally.
"Nah, the guys had our backs, Right Severide?" Gabi laughed when she turned to find them still making out. "I know you're all about her but ya gotta take it elsewhere."
"Clothes are on both sets of hands in view that's down right G rated for Kelly." Liv quipped while planting a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Glad you're okay Gab, really."
-/-/-
You look like death Livvy girl hair of the dog?" Bunny offered as Liv rolled into her bar.
Liv hung her purse on her chair before forming a retort. "And you look like a soccer mom from a hot pockets commercial only trashier but you don't see me pointing it out do you?"
Erin snort back a laugh. "What? She's funny." She said after catching Bunny's glare.
"See I got a text from Hank seems you almost got shot again, and now you're quitting the force. Wanna tell me what that's about?" Liv inquires conversationally.
"I've been talking to my mom."
"And great things always come from that." She can't stop the sarcasm from spilling out of her mouth.
"I think I need distance, from the job and from you." Erin says softly.
"No!"
Erin finally looks over at her. "Livvy, you know where I'm headed it's why you took your kids away from me. That's smart, you're a good mama."
"Them I took them away not me…"
"She needs family now not a friend who uses her as a crutch." Bunny added.
"I'm her family you conniving, heartless, poisonous, festering, leeching, gash she has the misfortune to call a mother! Get the hell out of my face before I make Erin's hate for you look like a picnic." Liv's sharp tongue takes over.
"Stop it both of you. Please…"
"Erin, I didn't mean."
"Yes you did. I'm not leaving you because I'm mad at you, I'm not mad Liv, and I need to protect you from me."
"The hell you do!" She almost shouts.
"I killed her!" Erin shouts back. "I let her follow me around like a puppy and I got her killed. I'm gutted by it. Nadia and I didn't have fifteen years of history behind us. I love you, from a place so deep that if something ever happened to you because of me? I'd never survive."
She wants to play hard ball fine, Liv will play. "You wanna talk kills? Fine, we'll talk kills because you didn't fucking kill her! Wanna know how many patients I've killed 7 four of them were children. I fucked up, or missed something and they are dead because of me! That's killing someone, I see their faces every-"
"I don't think-"Bunny starts.
"Fuck off Bunny no one asked you. I see their faces every time I go into work, they make me better! I'm a better doctor because of those failures. You in no way had a hand in Nadia's death that was circumstance nothing more." Liv tried to break through.
"My mind is made up Liv." She says it in a barely audible whisper.
"Fifteen years and you're just gonna walk away?"
She nods. "You got a life worth having Liv. Don't screw it up trying to save yet another hopeless case."
"Well when you're done letting her…" She cut her eyes at Erin's mother, "Poison your heart you give me a call."
-/-/-
She cries most of the way home. When she pulls up and gets out of the car Kelly is in the front yard with Owen of all people playing with the kids.
Once she's up the walk Kelly wraps her in a tight hug. Her brother ducks down and presses a kiss into her hair. "That bad huh? He asked.
"Bunny got what she always wanted; she's stripped away everything that taught Erin to love herself."
"She'll be back, it's just a pause not the end, it ain't over til you're dead. Until then there's hope." Kelly said.
-/-
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my beautiful, incredibly courageous, best friend, Krysten Wilson. This may seem like an odd choice of chapter to dedicate to her but I'm choosing to believe the earthly boundaries that separate us are a pause button on our adventurous one of a kind friendship. It's far from the end.
Here's to seeing you in my dreams, here's to hearing you in the melodies of your favorite songs, here's to remembering the sound of your laugh when I see your daughter smile. Here's to finding tiny bits of your soul embedded in every character I create from this point on. I know that I will carry on and carry you with me.
Thank you for almost sixteen years of friendship I could never describe. I miss you, I love you. Here's to you, the crazy to my sane, my partner in crime, the literal Erin to my Liv… Rest ever peacefully my friend. Here's to you Kryssy.
-/-
AN: I own nothing but my characters and please just for this one chapter if can't find anything nice to say please leave it unsaid. Other than that, I hope you liked it. If you did, tell me! Do you guys want me to wait for next season or write through the hiatus? Thanks for reading.-MM