As always, Kimmy has been an awesome beta, and Clean a super cheerleader. Also serious thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review, it's nice to know people are enjoying it.
Next chapter may be a couple of weeks coming, life is getting back to normal here, but we're off to Germany for a music festival in a couple of days.
Young woke for a second time to the realisation there was noise outside, the sound of people moving around. He listened for a second, whoever it was there was only two or three of them and they seemed to be trying to be quiet, not wake the rest of the camp before they had to get up. Young was grateful for the last moments of peace in the camp, in this bed. Next to him, Rush was blinking sleep out of his eyes and then seemed to come alive in what seemed to be his only speed, constant motion, rolling backwards away from Young and sitting up.
Well, Young thought, that was that, over.
They dragged on their outer clothes and went outside to where Greer and Inman were quietly making breakfast from the previous night's left overs. The sun was breaking through hazy clouds, burning off the last of the mist that had settled around the river. The air smelled moist and green and Young took a deep breath trying to hold the moment in his mind, before he turned back to the campfire. He opened his eyes to see Rush watching him, a curious curve to his lips that he could mistake for a smile if he tried hard enough. Then Rush turned away to accept a cup of hot sweet tea from Greer.
He settled himself next to Rush on a log, staring into the dancing flames of the small fire. The air was still chill with the misty air, the sun not strong enough to warm it yet, though his black jacket was beginning to warm where the sun hit it, and he could feel the slight warmth radiating from Rush's arm against his, where they were squeezed onto the chunk of log.
Breakfast was a hasty affair after which everyone stripped the shelters, pulling out their packs and bundling everything in. Young helped Barnes put packs by the gate as the rest of the party took the shelters down. The bedding was bundled together and the pallets pulled to pieces to ensure no items were lost in them and left behind, retrieving three forks and an earring.
The camp was soon reduced to a heap of discarded hay and branches, a stack of poles of wood and several logs round a fire pit. Becker poured a bucket of water over the fire, releasing a hissing cloud of charcoal scented smoke.
The main work of the day started quickly. Trips out to retrieve ojects and items, stacking and crating then going out again and again. To Young it felt frantic, grabbing everything that might be of use and passing it through the gate. Even the poles, logs and hay that had made parts of the campsite were bundled and passed through the gate. As the sun started to drift towards the horizon he was physically exhausted, muscles aching and hands sore, grazed and battered by the hurried pace of the work.
His radio crackled, Brody with a message that they had forty minutes to get back to the campsite before the gate opened for the last shipping out of materials. It was followed by the sound of someone hitting a metal crate with one of Becker's cooking spoons, which echoed hollowly out across the shallow river valley, the signal to return for those with no radio.
Young looked out over the grassy landscape, missing the place already. Looking down, he snatched handfuls of the chamomile scented not quite grass and stuffed his pockets full.. Even dried into hay he knew it kept it's scent, and just for a while he thought he would like a reminder of this place. Then, sighing, he hitched the rope around the log that Becker and he had just cut and handing off the other end to Becker they began to haul it back to the camp.
By the time he got back to the camp, Rush was standing in front of the open gate.
"We have two hours fifty five minutes till Destiny jumps." Rush informed him.
" Then that gives us 55 minutes to shift these." Young said looking at the final heaps of supplies.
There was not much left. They fed the last of the items through the gate then shut it down immediately so the working parties on the other planets could do likewise. A last check of the campsite took only five minutes.
"Half an hour till the gate opens." Rush said.
"I could go for a bath." Greer suggested.
Young looked at the faces around him, read their expressions and realised he was not the only one who was going to miss the planet. They had felt safe here, felt this was a place that could possibly meet their needs. He had almost expected more suggestions that they should leave Destiny and stay, but it seemed that since the return and second horrific deaths of those who had stayed on the tragically misnamed Eden planet that the idea of chancing leaving Destiny was less attractive. The only conversations he had overheard had not seemed more than vague day dreaming. Not that anyone had said anything in front of him.
He gave the campsite another look. They had nothing left with them but the packs stacked by the gate, weapons and the clothes they stood up in. Even despite how accumstomed they had all become to the general smell of unwashed clothes and people, he could smell himself, sweaty and dirty. The river was close and it would be better than watching each other wait thirty depressing minutes till the gate opened again.
"Okay." he said. "Twenty minutes."
Someone grabbed the soap and they moved, quickly. This time there was no time or energy to waste on embarrassment. The entire party shucked clothes into careful heaps by the river and scrubbed down, the two cakes of soap passed hand to hand with minimal splashing. Clothes were soaped, rinsed and wrung out. Everyone looked exhausted, but he could see the morale benefits of feeling clean improving people's moods.
By the time the gate opened, the entire group were waiting, damp clothes dragged on over still wet skin and the planet had it's last evacuation. He saw Rush pause by the wormhole and stare out at the landscape for a long moment, the warm light of the sunset lending a ruddy cast to the wet hair still plastered back over his head and making his dark eyes almost black. Their eyes locked for a second and Young was surprised to see a slightly rueful expression on Rush's face before Rush broke their gaze, turned and disappeared through the gate. Young gave the planet a last glance, fixing the panorama and the sunset in his mind, before following Rush through the wormhole.
xxxoooxxx
They sat on the bridge waiting. Young in the chair and Rush at the central console, running rapidly through what appeared to be more diagnostics. Eli and Calvos worked silently at the other two consoles and up on the balcony, Brody, Volker, Scott and James were watching.
The diagnostics that Rush and Eli had already run, suggested that the seedship was securely docked to Destiny and the piggyback jump would no cause a problem. The ships had both refueled and Eli had suggested that the parallel jump might even increase their range without refuelling, although both ships needed to separate to refuel.
The atmosphere was still tense though. The crew on the bridge all glued to the count down, red figures, the Ancient numbers now as familiar to Young as the ones from home. The seconds counted off.
Three, two, one…
The hum and shudder, the world shifted sideways and they dropped into FTL as smoothly as they had ever done.
He waited for Rush and Eli to finish the diagnostics.
"Are we good?" He asked as Rush's posture changed, sitting back a little from the console.
"Yes." Rush said, turning in his seat.
He looked even more tired than usual.
"Good." Young said. He turned to James who was watching the proceedings from the balcony. "Okay Lieutenant, you have the bridge with Eli and Volker." He turned back to Rush and Calvos. "Okay, we've been up for twenty two hours. I want to see all of the science team at eighteen hundred hours for a briefing on the next round of repairs. That gives you eight hours, everyone get some rest. I don't want to see you for a minimum of four hours."
Rush scowled, but Calvos just stood.
Young stood and moved to let James sit in the chair, turning to the balcony. "That includes you too Brody."
Young turned back and locked eyes with Rush who was turned in his seat to look at Young. He looked exhausted but annoyed. Young held his gaze, staring him down and after a moment Rush ceded his seat to Volker and walked out.
Young caught up with Rush in the corridor.
"You don't need to check up on me Colonel." He said coldly.
Young chuckled. "Oh I think I do." He said quietly. "If I don't you'll take yourself off somewhere else and start doing something. Your quarters or mine?"
"What do you want?" Rush snapped.
"I would have thought it was pretty obvious." Young said mildly. "To make sure you get a four hour nap."
Rush stopped and turned on him. "I don't need a keeper." He snapped.
"Yes, you do." Young contradicted. "Look Rush, I'm willing to make a scene out of this, or you can give in and we can get four hours sleep. Then you can go back to working yourself into the ground. On the grounds that I know your next target for repairs is the power conduits around the dome, I think I'm pretty justified in ensuring you don't do it when you're so tired you'll fry yourself or someone else."
Rush glared at him.
"Come on." Young cajoled, feeling faintly ridiculous. "Just four hours. For the sake of safety if nothing else."
Rush said nothing, just spun angrily on one foot.
"Rush!" Young called after him, following.
He realised Rush was making for his quarters though, out on the periphery of the inhabited area, not towards dome, core room or anywhere else. Rush slammed a hand into the door release and strode in, throwing himself down on the bed and rolling to face away from Young on the far side.
Young shut the door after him and slid onto the bed, shifting to spoon up behind Rush and pulling the edge of the covers over both of them. Rush was tense and angry, but the bed warmed up quickly and Young could feel him relaxing.
Young wrapped his arm round Rush's waist, tangling the fingers of the hand closest to the bed in the hair at the nape of Rush's neck. He was tired himself.
He could feel Rush fiddling with something and after a moment Rush leaned forward. Young tensed his arm reflexively, not letting Rush get up, but he heard the click of Rush's mobile phone being put down on the floor and relaxed as Rush leaned back into him.
"Four hours." Rush growled.
"Four hours." Young agreed.
Rush's body softened against him, as Rush pulled the cover down in front of him. Young snugged himself up behind Rush and relaxed.
Young stood tensely as he looked at the kino display that Rush had brought up on a holographic screen, where despite the full atmosphere, Brody and Eli were wearing the Ancient space suits to connect the power conduit. It was the nearest they had to protective gear.
Rush was sat at the console, eyes intent on what was going on in the corridor near the dome. Young stood behind his right shoulder. He should be sitting in the command chair, but embarrassingly he had fidgeted and been unable to sit still for an anxiety that he couldn't entirely suppress. Eventually, before it became obvious, he had wandered over to stare at the screen over Rush's shoulder.
This was risky, very risky, hence the suits. The conduit that the pair was first reconnecting and then would be restarting, was carrying a huge amount of power. The suits would not be a complete protection for them but were better than nothing.
Young was guessing that part of Rush's tension was anger. He had expected to have an argument with Rush about whether he would be allowed to participate in the repairs, but it had not been necessary.
TJ had walked into the planning meeting and sat down, waiting till the end. She had asked for a word with Young and Rush, waited for the others to leave and exercised her medical authority, placing a complete veto on Rush participating till he had had his final check up from Susannah. Rush had stared at her with approaching fury then stormed out of the room.
"You can tell him if he tries to participate I will sedate him." TJ told Young. "I'm not one hundred percent convinced he has full mobility back in his hands yet, and it's too risky. I asked Eli what was involved," she added at Young's querying look, "I know how delicate and dangerous this is. I don't want anyone blown up"
Her face was firm, one hand on the edge of a console, long fingers gripping it.
Young stared at them a moment then nodded, looking up at her. "You've saved me an argument." He replied finally. "I was going to say no myself."
"Better that I do." She said. "I have a reason to say no." Her look dared him to contradict her assertion.
He had chosen not to. "My concern was about the lack of sleep. Even for him it's...low. He looks like crap." He shrugged. "I don't know what the problem is, but he's sleeping even less than usual and he's been avoiding me." Young admitted shaking his head slightly. It had been three days since they had left the planet, three days since Young had made Rush take a nap, which had stretched from four hours to just over six because Young had turned the alarm off on Rush's phone.
TJ gave him a concerned look. "Because he thinks you'll want to know what's wrong."
"No," Young said, "he knows I won't push for that. He thinks I'll make him go to bed." He frowned. "I got no idea why he doesn't want to."
He sighed, shrugging. TJ gave him a sympathetic look patting his arm.
"He pisses me off." Young said. "He really pisses me off."
TJ had laughed, ignoring Young's scowl and patted him on the arm again as she turned to walk out of the core room.
Young came back to the present, distracted from his thoughts by a swift movement from Rush. He was pulling up a schematic over the edge of the kino display. Young was getting more used to them now and could see it was a power schematic, showing power flow through the connections. Young could see the faint reflection of Rush's face in the console, the panel of black glass where it was unlit by data windows. The black glass, imperfect mirror that it was highlighted the dark shadows under Rush's eyes.
Young forced his attention back to Eli and Brody, a situation where change was likely to happen, and hopefully for the positive.
xxxoooxxx
TJ watched as Rush sat down. He still looked worn, drained in the same way he had been for days. Young was directly behind him and sat down opposite in his usual spot. Rush was staring at his food, with a little distaste, and she watched as Young reached out and put his hand on Rush's shoulder. Surprisingly, Rush seemed to accept the casual touch.
She could not hear what Young said, he spoke too quietly, but Rush looked up at him through his hair and murmured something in return, then started to eat. Young picked up his spoon and they both ate in silence.
Rush finished first and stood, leaving his empty bowl on the table and walking out swiftly, evidently leaving before anyone, or maybe just Young, could stop him. TJ caught Young's eye momentarily. He gave her a helpless look and her heart twisted a little. She shot him a small sympathetic smile before he turned back to his meal.
She turned back to her own meal with a frown, suddenly feeling lonely, and unaccountably jealous of Young and Rush. She tensed her fingers round her spoon, checking Young was not looking at her, but he was eating his food. This was something she could not allow herself, she knew, but it did not mean she was rational about it. She did not want to rekindle her relationship with Everett, but it seemed that being alone was equally difficult.
She sighed, Susannah would be back soon to conduct some check ups. Someone TJ could talk to. It could not come soon enough. She began to eat again, if only for somethihng else to focus on.
xxxoooxxx
"Have you seen Doctor Rush?" Brody's voice cut through Young's introspection.
Young put the mug of now cold tea down on the table and looked up. "Nope, is he missing?"
Brody shrugged. "He's not scheduled for anything today, it's his day off, but I was expecting him to be in the core room working on the database like always but he hasn't been there all day and he's not answering his radio."
"He's probably off playing with some systems somewhere." Young stood. "Keep me posted."
Strange. Rush had seemed pretty much normal yesterday. Well, at least the generally sleep deprived and battered looking self that had been pretty standard for the last week. He certainly hadn't argued when Young had requested some information on the dome. Not that the information had been forthcoming yet. There was a good chance he had simply hit the point of collapse though. Even Rush could not go on like that forever, whatever the reason.
Young walked out and made his way to Rush's quarters, tapping on the door before letting himself in. The quarters were deserted, and the bed was made. Rush's radio was sat on the counter and more bizarrely his notebook and pencil stub was next to it. Young's brow furrowed and he left the room.
He took a quick turn around the common areas but Rush was nowhere to be seen. On a whim he tried his own quarters. Young had made his bed that morning from long habit, but now there was a significant dent in the bedding as if someone had curled up on top of it. Well that explained some of where Rush had been hiding. He had borrowed Young's own trick. Young suspected Rush had left before Young's bridge shift had ended. He left his quarters and wandered further out into the unused areas checking rooms.
He finally found Rush in a small room with a large window which opened out onto space, showing the flickering light of FTL. The room was bare and Rush was sat on the floor back to the wall staring out of the window. Young walked over and sat down next to him. Rush had evidently been crying and his expression was of someone heartbroken. Young didn't say anything, but shuffled so his shoulder was up against Rush's.
There was silence for a while, only broken, by the slight rasp of Rush's breathing. Young reached out and took Rush's hand, enfolding it in his own. Young squeezed it and heard Rush's breath hitch in his chest.
"What's up?" Young asked him gently. "You wanna talk? You don't have to...but..."
There was a long pause before Rush spoke. "It's July the 16th." Rush said, so softly Young almost didn't hear it. "She died five years ago today." His free hand came up to his face, the back of his hand pressing on his mouth.
Young stared at Rush. He had absolutely no idea what to do. He knew what he would do if this was a woman needing to be comforted, taken care of, or if this was just another colleague, a fellow soldier to support but...
He pulled his thoughts up short, was that even true? He would not patronise TJ in that way, he had offered her comfort, shared it, cried on each other's shoulders with no thought to how feminine she was. Conversely he had hugged a vulnerable and crying Eli who had fallen apart and sobbed into his chest mourning Ginn. Then there was the remaining members of his gate team, the unofficial wake for Sawyer where they had locked themselves in the privacy of his quarters, split a bottle of bourbon and cried their eyes out like children in shared secrecy away from the eyes of the base.
What matter than Rush was his...what?
Friend? It seemed they had gone beyond that. To be honest, it seemed like somewhere they had bypassed friend and gone from a tense ceasefire to some sort of mutual dependence, this weird situation without ever being just friends.
Companion? It was old fashioned and seemed affected but was probably the closest he was going to get in his own head to whatever this was.
"I couldn't face it." Rush whispered. "I didn' want to be alone again."
Young sat there for a moment, and then slightly uncomfortably freed one of his hands, put an arm round Rush's shoulder and hugged him close into his side.
"I was so fucking scared."
He slid his hand up from Rush's shoulder and ran it over Rush's hair pushing it back from his face
Rush's free hand was still pressed to his face, but the other slipped from Young's hand as Rush turned to him, staring into his eyes. "An' I ran away to ignore it an' we were both alone when she died." Rush's hand moved to grasp Young's shoulder where it met his neck. "What sort of coward…what sort of fucking monster am I to leave her to die alone?"
Rush dropped his head to rest on Young's shoulder and Young could feel the quiet sobs hitching Rush's body, propped up by his head on Young's arm.
Stop being such a damn coward Everett. "Easy, I got you, I got you." He reached round Rush, grabbed him and hauled him into his arms, practically into his lap and wrapped his arms round him. Rush collapsed into him, sobs shaking him.
Rush gradually quieted but didn't move. He seemed drained. Young wasn't surprised, as far as he knew Rush had had practically no sleep for a week and not enough for a good few days before that. He was surprised Rush had not collapsed from physical exhaustion before this. Young rubbed his thumb against the side of Rush's neck where his hand was wrapped around the nape, fingers woven through the hair. "Nick." He said quietly. "Nick. Let's go to bed, you need to sleep. Come on, it's cold and uncomfortable here. Let's go, no-one will find you in my quarters."
He wasn't sure though whether they could get through the corridors unseen. Thoughts rattled through his head before he finally moved. He rolled Rush off his lap to sit back on the floor and moved to squat next to him, putting his arms under Rush's.
"Come on." He stood, using his leg muscles to haul them both to standing, ignoring the way his knee protested. "I got an idea."
There was another corridor of rooms and quarters, away from the utilised ones and not far from here. Young guided them both along. Rush was uncomplaining, Young practically holding him up. He found the nearest room, hit the door release and let them in. It was more like Eli's quarters than anything else, narrow bench bed, equipment, but now they were here he was not going to move them on anywhere else. He guided them both over to the bed, pulled back the covers and pushed Rush towards the bed. Rush stared at it, despite the gentle pressure Young was exerting on his shoulders towards the bed. Young gave up, spun Rush and pushed him back so the backs of his knees hit the bed. His legs folded and he sat down on the edge of the mattress.
He sat on the floor and pulled off Rush's shoes. Rush just stared at him. Young looked back, unsure what was going on in Rush's head, waiting for the explosion, but it did not come. He guessed maybe Rush had just got to a point where he was just too tired and it was just too much to have to deal with anything. Too painful to even argue. He could certainly understand that, but he tended to just drink when he got like that, which was probably even less helpful.
"Come on," Young said, "get in, we're safe here, no one will find us but I've got a radio."
He undid the laces of his boots and toed them off, then stood and pushed Rush back on the bed, before sitting on the edge of the bed and shoving Rush back towards the wall. There was no way to lay down in the bed that did not involve him being either wrapped around Rush or practically on top of him, but he did not think that was going to be a problem. Suddenly Rush sighed and rolled over towards the wall. Young reached out to dim the lights, and put the radio down on the floor where he could reach it, He slid under the covers, pulling them over both of them and wrapping himself round Rush. He certainly owed Rush plenty for taking care of him when he fell apart, this he could do willingly.
He could feel Rush crying silently again, but maybe that was not such a bad thing, and he lay there in the dark until Rush had cried himself to sleep. Mercifully it did not take long.
xxxoooxxx
He woke first, Rush a heavy weight against his chest. The other man was still asleep, and even when Young shifted to a slightly more comfortable position, he did not stir. Young lay there for a while, listening to Rush breathing. He pulled his arm out and looked at his watch, quarter past eight in the morning. It was his day off, and Rush had a late bridge shift. Young contemplated his options, before shifting Rush slightly and sliding out of bed. Rush was still dead to the world.
Young slipped quietly out of the room and trotted to the infirmary. He was not surprised that TJ was already awake and working at her desk this early in the morning, despite the lack of patients.
"TJ."
She looked up as he walked in.
"Colonel."
"I need you to take Rush off duty today."
She tilted her head and regarded him quizzically.
"It's the anniversary of his wife's death." Young said. "He's pretty beat up."
"And if you cover for him, it'll look weird as you couldn't ever be sympathetic to that." She said, a little amused.
"Yeah." He admitted.
She gave him a smile. "Okay." She agreed. "No problem. He has a migraine and I've taken his radio off him and ordered him on pain of death to rest in his quarters with a cup of painkiller tea. Not to be disturbed under any circumstances."
Young gave her a grateful and rather embarrassed look.
Camile was sipping a mug of tea when he walked into the mess and sat down across from her.
"Everett."
"Camile." He said. "TJ has just collared me to let me know she's taken Rush off duty."
Camile raised an eyebrow, looking slightly disbelieving.
"Yeah," Young laughed, trying to stop it sounding contrived, "apparently there was confiscation of a radio and threats of death or sedation if he didn't drink his painkiller and go to bed."
Camile laughed.
"You're off tomorrow as well yeah?"
"Yes." She nodded. "I don't have a shift till the day after tomorrow."
"Can I get you to take his shift today and he'll take yours Thursday?" He shifted on the bench. "I'm on tomorrow." He admitted. "I'd prefer to keep today off after the work we've been doing."
"It's fine Everett." She reassured him. "I'll still have my two days of no bridge shift."
"Thanks." He said gratefully. "I'd better grab some food."
He went up to the counter, noticing thankfully it was soft tortillas and fillings left over from the previous night's dinner. He grabbed a couple of the wraps, rolled them up round filling and threw them on a plate. He grabbed a canteen, filled it with tea and walked out with them.
When he made it back to the room in which he had left Rush, he was almost certain it would be empty, that Rush would have woken and done one of his disappearing acts. Young slipped quietly back into the small room, locking the door. Rush was still asleep, a slight frown on his face, and spread-eagled across the narrow bed as if he was reaching out for something. Young put his radio, the plate of breakfast and the canteen of tea on the table and sat on the edge of the bed.
As soon as his hip brushed Rush's hand the man was grasping at him, still almost completely asleep and evidently not entirely conscious of what he was doing. Young toed off his shoes and slid back into the bed. Rush mumbled something in his sleep and rolled towards Young. In the tight confines of the bed, this left him almost on top of Young, Rush's hair ticklish against Young's jaw, and his beard scratchy on Young's throat.
Young wrapped an arm over him carefully, moving his head so Rush's cheek settled against his shoulder and his hair did not tickle so much, trying not to wake him. He closed his eyes and settled into the pillow. Rush needed sleep, Young was comfortable enough and Rush would sleep longer and with less nightmares with Young here. He always did.