Nagisa's relationship with his parents has been a lot better since he stopped living with them.
Honestly, it's hard for anyone to admit that they might have been the root of their parent's problems. Nagisa doesn't think like that exactly, but he knows a lot of their arguments were centred on the best way to raise him. Without him in the picture… they seem to be getting on just fine. Nagisa's mother started going to therapy, shortly after everything happened, and whilst Nagisa doesn't feel like she's made up for everything she did, he can see that she's a much better person.
She's accepted his life choices now, at least.
That being said, he doesn't spend time with them often. A fact that, sadly, leads to the obligatory family celebrations becoming quite an awkward event. They managed to get through the catch up conversation within the first hour, and now nobody has anything to talk about. Nagisa's not surprised, though. New Years has been like this since he moved out. Maybe he should have just sent a post card.
"So," Nagisa's father sits down comfortably. "We heard about-"
"How long have you had a boyfriend?" His mother cut him off.
Nagisa's immediate reaction is one of shock horror. The last thing he'd ever talk to his parents about is personal relationships, so he has no idea how they would have even come up with it. Not that he's had a personal relationship before. Unfortunately, right then, it all comes back to him. If he knows one thing about the friends his mother has, it's that their favourite activity is to gossip.
"I don't have a boyfriend," Nagisa tries to say calmly.
"I've never hated the gays," his mother basically ignores him. "You've met my gay cousin, haven't you?"
Nagisa's not sure what to say, because he hasn't met his mother's gay cousin. "Uh…"
"You know," she waves her hand, "Takeshi. You must have met him at your aunt's wedding."
Honestly, Nagisa has no idea what she's talking about. His aunt got married when he was six years old. He has no memory of meeting this Takeshi, and even if he did he probably wouldn't have questioned his sexual preferences. That… just isn't the kind of thing any kid thinks about, is it? Regardless of that, he's freaked out by this discussion.
"But I'm not gay," he states.
And then Nagisa reconsiders it, because honestly he hadn't been sad about having Karma's dick in his mouth (or his ass), had he? In fact, he'd whole heartedly enjoyed the experience. That doesn't exactly suggest much heterosexuality. But it's not that Nagisa has ever truly sat around and thought about men. He's pretty sure he would have noticed by now. At the same time, though, he's never really thought about girls too hard either. Maybe a little, but it would be hard not to, being exposed to it all the time when he was younger at least.
Of course, his parents' living room probably isn't the best place to delve into such an intense thought process.
His mother looks confused by that. "Oh. That's a shame. Takewa san seemed pretty certain about it."
Isn't this supposed to go the opposite way?! Isn't she supposed to be crying about not having grandkids or something? Not that Nagisa's complaining about that. He doesn't want to set his mother off. She really has been better recently, but he doesn't want to take any chances. Nor does he feel like explaining his own sexuality confusion.
"A-actually," Nagisa says, "I just happened to be with K-karma that day, and she just assumed." He just really hopes she left out the sex toy part of the story.
"Akabane Karma?" Her face darkens.
Thankfully, his father intercepts. "Hiromi."
His mother makes a show of taking a deep breath, and the storm clouds clear from her expression. "You're entitled to make your own life choices, Nagisa. However, you know I don't think Akabane Karma is a good one."
Perhaps it should be some kind of practical joke, that him being gay is apparently fine as long as it isn't with Karma, in her book. Then again, for once he doesn't really blame her for that assessment. Karma would never intentionally try and make life hard for him, but rather than walking on egg shells around his mother, he seemed to prefer stomping on the whole carton. In a sense, that's something Nagisa had admired, how he could just say what he wanted without fear. But it still led Nagisa to try and keep them separated as much as possible when they were teenagers. Aside from making him get home late a few times, he'd never done anything too wild with Karma back then.
He forces a smile on his face. "That's fine, because we're not dating."
She drops it after that, though he catches sympathetic smiles coming from his father, which irritate him more than reassure him. Nagisa doesn't feel like he's being dishonest with them, at least. He's not dating Karma, after all. That feels far away from their actual relationship, however he could define it. It's nothing to do with his parents, anyway!
What follows is even more torturous, in a way. It's just a straight hour of near silence. There's some program on the TV, but Nagisa can tell nobody's actually watching it. Just… staring at its direction. All he wants to do is force the time forward so that he can just leave already. In a sense, he feels bad for feeling that way about his parents, but he can't help it.
The vibration of his phone feels like its own kind of sweet mercy.
Karma: How's it going?
Nagisa can't help but smile to himself. He's pleased, for some reason, that Karma's thinking about him on a day like New Year's. Then again, he doesn't know his actual plans. It's quite possible that Karma doesn't have anything better to do. In fact, that's the most likely option. Why else would he want to talk to him?
Nagisa: It's terrible. Mum's being… Mum. She's not yelling at me or anything, but we're not doing anything.
Karma: Come hang out with me instead
Karma: If you want to
Honestly, he's actually a little surprised. About Karma actually wanting to see him on such an important day, at least. Nagisa immediately starts to picture it, even though he knows it's a bad idea. It's not like he can actually go, right? It is New Year's after all… even if they're not doing much. Even though he's already filled the obligation to see his parents…
Nagisa: I'm not sure.
Karma: Does that mean I have to convince you?
Nagisa: What do you mean?
Karma: Well
Karma: I could take my shirt off
Heat immediately rushes to Nagisa's face, and he exits out of the app in panic, hand shaking. Admittedly, he knows it's really not the worst thing Karma could have said. And he won't go as far as to send him anything super incriminating, right? Not in a situation like this… Karma knows better than that and he wouldn't just-
But right there, Nagisa starts to imagine it. It's ridiculous, because the message was so tame. And it hasn't even been a full week since he last saw Karma, anyway. Maybe a little longer since he's seen him shirtless… but there's nothing crazy about that, is there? Nagisa's seen him shirtless more times than he can count, over the years. Granted, things are little different now, but…
It seems that 'trying not to think about it' is only causing him to think about it more, because now he can't stop picturing it. Nagisa's never really cared too much about stuff like muscles, aside from wanting them himself, but he knows Karma has an attractive body. Not just objectively either, Nagisa can't deny that he's starting to salivate at the thought, at least.
It's at that moment that Nagisa actually remembers he's still in his parent's apartment, and it's probably the worst time ever to fantasise about Karma. Especially after insisting that they're not a thing so strongly. Nagisa can be pretty good at hiding his real emotions when he wants to, at least, and forces his face into a neutral position.
But then his phone vibrates.
Karma: Or I could take off your shirt
Karma: You like it when I undress you, don't you?
Karma: Don't you want me to actually do it?
Nagisa's going to hell and it's not even his fault. Nagisa doesn't even believe in hell, but he's definitely on a one-way trip there. The thing is, he knows that if he tells Karma to stop sending him lewd messages, he will. Nagisa knows he has the choice, and that he should take it no questions, but instead he just bites down on his lip and imagines the sensation of Karma's fingers tugging at his clothes.
How did he get so broken so fast? Back when he was a teenager, he never understood most of the other guys. How easily they'd stray from what was obviously 'the right thing' just to get a small amount of gratification. He'd never got it, just awkwardly laughed or stayed out of it, but now… Is this how they felt? Because this… is like a torture he can barely describe. And it's only been a few weeks since they last had sex.
Nagisa: Yeah
Nagisa: I want that too.
The thing is, Nagisa knows it's not the best decision to make. He knows he should just calm himself down and sit through the rest of the day until it's actually acceptable to leave. He should not be… leaving on a national holiday to hook up with Karma. At the same time, though, it seems that the latent horny part of his brain has clutched its way to the surface, and now everything's hijacked.
Nagisa clenches his fists. "I-I'm really sorry, but I think I have to leave right now."
His father looks surprised. "What for? Did something happen?"
Thinking of a lie on his feet isn't exactly a skill he's honed in. "I…" he wracks his brain, "it's a problem at the school. S-some of the grades got mixed up, and if I don't go and amend them right now there could be issues with graduation."
"But it's New Year-"
"I'm sorry!" Nagisa stands up. "T-that's how it can be sometimes. I wouldn't want to let them down!"
He wonders briefly if lying about having about work is some kind of educational malpractice. In any other case, he would have felt guilty. But, again, the rational part of his brain isn't working. All his brain is actually focusing on is Karma's hard muscles pressed against his back, strong hands holding them flush together, hot break on his neck…
"Anyway!" Nagisa turns, before anything disastrous can happen in terms of the follow up physical reaction. "Happy New Year! Take care of yourselves."
"Visit sooner next time," his mother says as he fiddles with his shoes. "You don't like that far away."
Nagisa laughs awkwardly, pulling on his coat. "I'll try my best!"
At the very least, the cool air helps with the efforts to calm himself down. Considering he's in Kunugigaoka, an annoyingly indirect train route to Karma's apartment, he's going to have to get himself through an hour at least. Unless he wants to get thrown off the train, he needs to stop thinking about Karma.
Thankfully, walking with the threat of a boner isn't the most comfortable thing ever, and his body makes the sensible choice to not. At least, it's fine for a little while, because there's enough going on during the walk to the station that he can't start to imagine anything too wild. Actually getting on the train, too, isn't the worst thing. Nagisa can only feel surprised that it's so empty at a time like this, though that's probably because of the annual Tokyo mass exodus around the new year.
Much like he should be doing.
Weirded out by the opportunity to actually sit down on this journey, Nagisa mostly stares out of the window. Admittedly, the outskirts of Kunugigaoka seem to blend in pretty immediately with Tokyo itself, so it's not the most scenic of routes. Still, there's something about the rush of lights in the dark that keeps Nagisa's brain occupied.
He feels his phone vibrate in his hand as the train pulls into Shinjuku Station, but he decides not to check it. It could be… anything, and Nagisa doesn't want to find the answer to that in such a public space. Not that Shinjuku Station is busy either, which is even more surprising. Almost eerie, in a way, like he's walking through some kind of post-disaster reality.
Oddly, the nerves start to kick in when he's on the next train, but he's not completely sure why. He's not actually scared of anything. Although, there is the possibility Karma was just messing around and doesn't actually want him to come. That's not really like Karma, though. He's not the kind of person who sends messages for absolutely no reason.
Nagisa's been to Karma's apartment many times now, if not as frequently as he's been visiting recently. It's weird how familiar he's become with the neighbourhood, though. A little further than base recognition, Nagisa somewhat starts to feel an attachment. Like how there's occasionally a cat perched outside the big grey house on the corner, and this particular vending machine always seems to be out of peach soda.
He tries his best not to dwell on that, though, reaching the apartment block. Karma may be much better paid than him, but there's only so much you can afford when you're not a millionaire. Well… Karma kind of is, but he started to find using his parent's money more annoying than amusing a few years ago, and the last Nagisa heard about the subject, he's actively avoiding it nowadays. That means living in a slightly 'past its prime' building, though Nagisa can't say much. At least Karma's apartment is more than just a single room.
Karma looks taken aback, when he answers the door. "You actually came?"
Nagisa shifts on his feet. "I-If you want me to leave-"
He looks at him, then, before pretty much pulling him inside. "You're pretty easy to convince, you know." He pauses, when Nagisa chooses to focus on slipping his shoes off instead of replying. "Unless you're really that desperate."
There's truth in that statement, but Nagisa flushes and turns his head. "Well-"
Karma cracks a laugh. "Sucks to be you, I guess, I wasn't planning on sex."
The colour drains from his face. "What?"
"Don't look so defeated," Karma takes him by the wrist, tugging him into the living room.
"You really just wanted to play video ga-"
Karma kisses him, before he can finish his question, but it's a good enough answer anyway. It's frightening how quickly he forgets what Karma just stated, instantly distracted. Nagisa's brain process from an hour again immediately wakes up, more than raring to go. Karma has that effect on him, expert at knowing just how to apply pressure with his lips in the right way.
Nagisa melts so fast he barely even registers what's happening, though soon enough he finds himself pulled onto the sofa, pretty much straddling Karma's lap. That's fine by him, and there's a certain kind of relief in the situation. Karma's so warm, arms encasing him, and they're pressed pleasantly close together. It also helps that Karma's undoubtably a good kisser, and it's like his lips are charging all the nerves in Nagisa's body.
"Say, Nagisa," Karma pulls away and Nagisa instantly misses it. "You don't have to go to work for a little while, huh?"
He has no idea why Karma's asking that. "No, it's still the winter break-"
Karma practically dives for his neck, sucking a kiss into the sensitive skin there, and Nagisa can't protest. He automatically tilts into it, making Karma's job easier. A part of him feels like he should be doing something, but he's not entirely sure what. He ends up gripping into Karma's own neck, before instincts take over and his hands find their way to his chest, tugging at his shirt.
He pulls away. "I said I wasn't planning on sex," he takes Nagisa's hands, moving them back onto his shoulders.
Nagisa flushes, turning away. It had felt natural, if anything. Thankfully, Karma doesn't continue to scold him. This time, he kisses his lips again, hands digging in perfectly to his back. Nagisa practically sighs into it, head spinning even though he meets Karma at every point. If Karma doesn't want sex, then what is this? Because Nagisa can't help but feel extremely turned on.
It's as though Karma's kisses have a direct connection to the erection growing uncomfortably in his trousers, making him burn harder with every passing second. They're barely even doing anything, but Nagisa wants. As much as he tries to force himself not to shift and grind on Karma's lap, it's impossible to keep completely still. He wants to be wrapped up in him like this forever, and he's gasping for air somehow.
Nagisa doesn't even consciously mean to do it, but his hands slide down Karma's torso again, this time trying to get the shirt off entirely. He's not thinking, he just wants Karma even closer to him. Having any boundaries between them doesn't feel right, even though there is a part of his consciousness that's aware it's not a good idea.
"Nagisa~" Karma has the nerve to laugh. "You're getting handsy again."
"S-sorry," Nagisa feels the heat rise to his face. Does he have no self control at all?
Karma tilts his head. "If you want it that badly… let's go."
"R-really?"
"Hm," he shifts Nagisa out of his lap, pulling himself to his feet with a stretch. "You can do what you want… as long as you prove it."
The last part sounds entirely like a threat, and Nagisa's immediately a little concerned. More so, though, turned on. It's not even real fear, more like anticipation. Remembering the last time Karma looked at him like that, and how it ended up with Nagisa tied to the bed and Karma pounding him into a deep set satisfaction… he practically keens into it, springing to his feet himself.
"Okay," he says.
There's a glint in Karma's eye. "What are you waiting for, then?"
Waiting for… But then Nagisa has a horrible thought, and goes even more red. "I-I didn't prepare to come here."
Karma's face morphs in recognition. "Oh. Uh," he turns his head slightly, "did you eat anything heavy today?"
Honestly, Nagisa never thought he'd be having a debate about the cleanliness of his rectum with Karma, but here he is.
"N-not much," he turns his head in the opposite direction, as though to make absolute sure they won't catch each other's eye.
"I mean," Karma says, "you're usually pretty thorough when you clean normally, right?"
"I guess."
"Then," he continues, "it's probably fine. It's not like it's a rule or everyone goes in depth every time they have sex. Maybe just… surface clean. You can use the shower."
If Nagisa had a tail, it would be between his legs. This is probably one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to him. At least Karma doesn't want him to do the full thing? Because he'd never live that down. No amount of horniness makes it okay for him to release what's essentially poop water down Karma's drain.
The much tamer version still feels really weird, though, and he's definitely on edge. He tries to avoid getting anywhere else on his body wet, as he makes sure everything is clean enough. It seems fine to him, at least, but he doesn't have much of a way of being able to tell for himself. He figures he's been in the bathroom for an acceptable amount of time though, and he's starting to feel a little more rational in the head.
After debating it for a moment, Nagisa decides there's no point in putting his clothes back on. They'll… probably be stripped off before he even has the chance to think about it. It does feel a little awkward, though, creeping into the bedroom in that state. It might seem a little ridiculous, but as much as Karma's obviously seen him naked, he's been too close to really stare him down.
Karma actually looks surprised, seeing him, like his eyes might pop out of his skull. That makes Nagisa feel even more awkward. He doesn't like being on display, not even in the best of circumstances. Karma's stare turns almost predatory, and Nagisa can only shift awkwardly on his feet. What now?
Karma gets off the bed, though, coming close to him. Nagisa can't help but wonder if Karma's really going to do something to him. He seems to tower over him even more than usual, and Nagisa automatically swallows. At the same time, though, his heart is pounding at lightning pace. It doesn't make sense, but there's something about this feeling that he loves. And it all races straight to his crotch.
"You really want it that badly?" He stares at him from head to toe, though looks slightly annoyed when Nagisa doesn't reply. "Huh?"
Nagisa manages to nod.
His jaw clenches. "Then prepare yourself."
"W-what?"
"Get on the bed," he motions. "You know where the stuff is."
"B-but you-"
"Don't worry about me," his glint feels dangerous, "I'm more than happy to just stand here and watch."
This feels more terrifying than anything else Nagisa could have imagined. At least usually, it's Karma doing stuff to him, and Nagisa flowing with it. That kind of situation feels natural to him, and he doesn't even really need to think about what he's actually doing. But on his own? He doesn't even know how. Especially with Karma just standing there like that.
Despite it all, Nagisa finds himself trembling over to the bed anyway, finding the lube helpfully already out. He barely even jerks himself off, of course he hasn't tried doing this by himself. As good as Karma's fingers feel inside him… that feels like a whole other world to doing it himself. There's also the question of how to actually go about it. Usually he'd just lie on his back and spread his legs, but he can already sense the angle being too awkward.
He elects to stay standing on his knees, because at least he can get a hand behind himself. It also means there's nowhere to hide, though, and Karma really is just there staring at him, leaning casually against the wall. Nagisa's fingers tremble with even uncapping the bottle, and it's a weird realisation that he doesn't really touch the stuff that often. And even those few times… he was applying it straight to Karma.
It's even more awkward than he anticipated. At least when Karma does it, he can actually see. Of course it's not like his entrance is hiding from him or something, he knows where it is, but it still seems impossible to get the right angle. He's fumbling and he knows it, and it seems completely hopeless. Is this supposed to be sexually appealing?
"Nagisa," Karma's voice cuts through the silence, and he actually sounds slightly annoyed. "Why don't you just touch yourself first?"
Ironically, he almost squeaks at that. Admittedly, Nagisa's not really sure why the concept of jerking himself off in front of Karma seems even more embarrassing than literally fingering himself, but he almost wants to reject the suggestion entirely. Although… he supposes maybe this would be easier if he was actually more turned on. Despite how he'd been just earlier… a lot of it seems to have fizzled away with the reality of things.
Hand practically shaking, he brings it around to his front, and takes a hold of himself. At least he definitely knows what to do here, but with Karma watching him like this? His face turns red, but at the same time he can't completely ignore the physical sensation. Karma's being quiet, anyway, so Nagisa decides to save himself to embarrassment and closes his eyes.
Despite all of that, it's not like he can forget. Nagisa's always been sensitive to people's consciousness around him, and there's a lot coming from Karma. It's not easy to ignore at all, but there's a part of Nagisa's nerves that almost feel good, some sort of latent desire to impress that's squirming to make it to the surface.
At the very least, it's hard to go wrong when it comes to jerking himself off. A part of him is conscious that the goal here isn't actually just a means to an end as fast as possible, though, and he knows he's definitely being more careful and slow than he'd otherwise be. He really can't forget that Karma's there, but by the time he's fully hard, he realises he doesn't actually mind it so much.
He flicks his eyes open for a moment, taking in the situation. Karma's staring at him, but there's a definite clench to his jaw, and his eyes are sharp. He's turned on. For just a moment, Nagisa hesitates but he continues to stroke himself and lets out a sigh. He definitely feels ashamed of the near direct eye contact… but there's a part of him that likes it.
There was a time where Nagisa wanted nothing more than Karma's full attention. Maybe not quite like this, but… the concept's the same. Karma's staring right at him with, though, and he can't stop himself from enjoying it just a little. There's just a small part of him that's tempted to really show off, but the moderate embarrassment from the situation still wins out.
Happening like a natural continuation, Nagisa ends up reaching behind himself again, and now that he's not overthinking it he realises it's not that complicated at all. Topping his fingers back up with lube again, his index finger actually slips right in, which is… a surprise. He's pretty sure his eyes widened during that. Too much lube, maybe?
The thing is, it doesn't feel like much of anything. Maybe a little bit strange and slightly uncomfortable, but definitely different to when Karma does it. Maybe because his fingers are bigger? Nagisa winces a little, wiggling the finger around. The angle does feel awkward with his wrist in the position it is, though, and he shifts around on his hips.
Eventually, he decides it's not the worst thing. He definitely wouldn't be doing this to himself for fun, though. He moves in an out, his body adjusting pretty quickly. Though, once again, it's definitely not the same as Karma distracting him. Karma tilts his head, as though he's trying to get a better look, and Nagisa can't help but burn up a little.
At that point, something comes over him. A spike of hot fire rushes up his spine, and his erection twitches. It makes manoeuvring even more difficult, but Nagisa can't help but use his free hand to stroke himself. He lets out a breathy sigh of relief, threatening to turn into a full moan as he traced himself from root to tip. He can feel it, as well, as he automatically clenches around his own fingers.
"Move your finger again," Karma says, coming off more like a command than a request.
Nagisa hesitates for a moment, before doing exactly what he's told. It actually feels better, just following an instruction. Though, he discoverers it's actually pretty hard to finger himself and jerk off at the same time, like trying to pat his head and rub his stomach. After a bit of hesitation, under Karma's intense gaze, he ends up moving with his hips instead, leaving his hand still as he grinds down on it.
"You can take another one."
His voice is still so calm, dark and tempting. Nagisa wants it whispered into his ear, wants him, wants… A second finger slides in along with his first. He really does gasp with this one, filling himself up further. Now it's definitely weird. He doesn't feel like he's getting any looser, necessarily, nor actually open. If anything it just feel tight and hot. Is this what Karma feels?
It's strange with Karma right there, but Nagisa can't help but imagine it's his fingers instead. It's been so long since he felt it, so long and this is not enough. Apparently Nagisa's imagination is vivid enough, because once he starts to picture it, everything immediately feels better. He picks up the pace without even really thinking about it, practically lifting his hips up and down at this point.
He wants more, though.
Somehow, his eyes end up zoning in on Karma's entire form. Specifically his crotch. Almost hilariously, Karma's fully dressed still, and isn't really showing too many signs of anything despite a few hints across his face. It feels more than a little unfair. On the other hand, though, his trousers aren't so tight that Nagisa can't tell he's definitely hard.
As if on cue, he seems to tense a little, pushing his legs together. Nagisa's not entirely sure what Karma's tolerance is to this kind of thing, but as a mutual dick owner, he knows there's only so long he can actually ignore it. In a way, Nagisa feels an odd pride rush through him, that he's apparently turning Karma on with the display alone. It's embarrassing, too, but he spreads his legs open more either way.
"Look at you," Karma mutters, half under his breath. "You like me watching you like this, don't you?"
Nagisa turns his head in shame, burning again. So what if he does? Truth be told, Nagisa never would have thought that he'd actively enjoy anyone looking at him like this, let alone Karma. But here they are, Nagisa's erection is proof that he has to like it, even though it's becoming increasingly frustrating, and there's only so much his own fingers can do.
"Why go all shy now?" Karma comes closer, and the hairs stand up on the back of Nagisa's neck. "That's no way to get what you want. "
"Please," spills out of Nagisa's mouth, without really thinking about it.
He tilts his head, and all too smug look plastered across his expression. "'Please' what?"
Why does he want to please him so much?
"More than this," he gets out, barely aware that he's actually sped up. Somehow he feels close already, but like nothing can actually come of it.
Karma still feigns innocent. "Want me to get one of the new toys out?"
"No," Nagisa says instantly, with more command in the tone than he's used to producing.
Karma's eyes gleam, then, and Nagisa almost regrets everything. What's he even saying? He's not so far gone he has no control… He's put off by the idea, though. He knows enough about himself to know he's already close. And it feels like it's been so long as it is… He misses it. It's ridiculous, and maybe even humiliating, but he can't honestly bring himself to care that much.
He's clearly too far gone, because he barely even registers the way Karma walks over to his side. Any other time and he would have felt like a prey item. Karma always has this way of making him feel nervous, and now is no exception. Instead, Nagisa tries to focus on his own breathing, and not how much he feels like he might be eaten alive. It's not a bad feeling though…
And that's when Karma smacks his ass.
Admittedly, Nagisa's surprised more than anything. It doesn't really hurt, though he's not sure if it was supposed to. Maybe it stings a tiny bit? But his hand rebounds almost completely, and it's very loud. At first Nagisa tenses up a little, expecting something else, but it doesn't come. Actually, it stills him completely, and he turns over his shoulder. Strangely enough, even Karma looks a little confused. Does he not know why he did that? Nagisa didn't mind it that much, but it's a bit weird that he's just staring at him now.
"Your butt is really soft," Karma says.
"Uh… thanks?"
He clears his throat, but hesitates like he doesn't actually know what to say. It's almost funny that he went from demanding Nagisa get on the bed and finger himself to… whatever this is. A little endearing too, if he's honest. In a situation that… wasn't this, maybe Nagisa would even have the energy to get his own back and make fun of Karma for once. Unfortunately it's hard to do that in a position where he's both naked and horny out of his mind.
"Karma," he tries gently, "can we maybe…"
It snaps Karma back into the previous mindset, his eyes going heavy again. "You want it?"
Nagisa nods.
The way Karma looks at him then feels like its own kind of danger, and it sends shivers down his spine. He moves again, then, standing more in Nagisa's eyeline. Nagisa barely even registers that his hand is still moving, when Karma starts to take his shirt off. Admittedly, it's a little distracting, but he wouldn't even consciously admit that to himself.
Nagisa's mouth starts to water, because Karma really is attractive. Despite free time being more a thing of the past, his chest is still impeccably toned. It's not as extreme as a body builder, but still sharp and defined in the right places. It's the same story when he drops the trousers, taking his sweet time to work them off. His legs are toned, and seem well balanced in that moment rather than weirdly long. And, for the first time, he considers that his erection isn't objectively bad to look at either. Nor is his face. He has a nice one of those. Nagisa's not so dumb to completely mix up jealousy and desire, at least. He used to want to be just like Karma, but this is a different emotion.
Actually, not being the only naked one accelerates things in his mind, because he sees Karma's erection and automatically knows he wants that. Almost like he could die if he doesn't get it. His own erection seems to agree, twitching on its own. That's enough for Nagisa to let himself go, afraid of how close he already is, and Karma hasn't even touched him yet.
Except, Karma doesn't touch him. He actually sidesteps his way on to the bed and just lies himself flat, like he could just as easily be going to sleep. Nagisa's fingers slip out of himself in confusion, like he can't actually process what's happening. Karma's naked… he's naked… why isn't he touching him? Isn't that just the logical conclusion? Is Karma waiting for him to do something?
Karma looks at him with challenge. "Take it if you want it."
A part of him wants to scream. This is unfair, after everything else Karma made him do? Hasn't he been on display enough today? Admittedly, it's not like they haven't been in this position before. It was how they attempted it, the first time, not that that went well… Nagisa swallows, feeling himself burn up even more as he leans over him to where the condoms are kept. It's a weird feeling, the edge of desperation and self-awareness. One of them inevitably wins out.
He doesn't spend much time on everything else. He barely even bothers with spreading out the lube after he gets it onto Karma, figuring he's probably open enough as it is. Truth be told, the nerves do kick in a little, because he's never started this on his own before. Even the position is a little unknown to him. There'd been a time where Karma flipped him over, but Nagisa hadn't actually done much other than be taken along for the ride.
Apparently, though, he wants him enough that it doesn't even matter. Even though straddling Karma and trying to line him up is very awkward, at least he knows how he's supposed to fit. It does feel weird, though, that Karma's still not even touching him. He looks relaxed in all honesty, still just staring at him like this is some kind of test. It's a weird feeling, because Nagisa wants to be touched. Anything to get Karma to touch him.
His lips fall open, when he attempts to sink down, and Karma actually breaches his rim. It feels surprisingly different to be the one doing the pushing, and his knees start shaking, though that could also be from standing on them for so long. In a different sense, though, it doesn't feel bad to be in control of this. There's no avoiding the slight sting of being stretched, but at least he knows the limits of what his own body can take.
Or at least he should. Despite this, Nagisa ends up sinking down far quicker than he should have, because the sense of satisfaction wins out. Actually, he pretty much takes Karma in one go, letting out a moan that's only half pained. Even Karma looks surprised, his hands instantly gripping the sheets below them, knuckles visibly white as his back arches. It causes enough pride that Nagisa doesn't even think about how sore he'll probably be after this.
It definitely doesn't feel bad, but the angle is kind of strange. He's not used to having this much manoeuvring room, for one, and it really feels like a different sensation entirely. He figures he should probably move or something, and there's only one real clear way to do that. Though, it's really not easy to pick his knees back up again, and he definitely starts to feel that taking him in so quickly wasn't the best idea.
He accustoms to it pretty quickly, at least. It's still weird being the one moving, but he figures out that the sensations themselves aren't that different from everything he's been craving. In fact, he's almost glad for it, because he just knows Karma's in the kind of mood where he'd purposely tease him and hold himself back… at least this way Nagisa can take it as hard as he wants it.
Despite it being a little odd that Karma's not actually contributing much to this, he decides he likes it, even if it is quite tiring. The adrenaline running though him pretty much minimises that, and he can only gasp in pleasure as he falls up and down in Karma's lap. Even if it feels a little bit like he's using him, honestly Karma doesn't look like he minds at all.
The staring is a little odd, though. At least in other positions, it's pretty difficult to actually maintain vision on each other's faces. Nagisa's fine with that, he likes to close his eyes and just let himself feel. But, as embarrassing as it is for half his brain, there is a part that still really enjoys Karma staring up at him, especially with his eyes hooded and glassy.
He slightly registers that he's not really moaning like this, which is odd. It's not that it doesn't feel good enough for that, but it's actually pretty hard to let noises out with the exertion. If anything, he's just panting, trying to keep up the pace. Thinking about it, Karma's never usually that loud either himself, so maybe this is why.
He accidentally topples down a little, hands having to plant down had on his chest. The angle shifts a little, and even though it's not quite right yet, it still feels very good. However, in doing so it seems his hands dragged down Karma's nipples, because he bucks off the bed a little, even deeper into him, and lets out a noise that's more of a whine than anything. Well, that pretty much proves his theory.
Karma doesn't seem embarrassed about it, at least, just looking at him with an amused look. "Feeling me up?"
Now it's Nagisa's turn to heat up in crimson. "M-may-". He decides to just ignore it. "Just get on with it."
"Why?" He says. "You look good when you're desperate."
He digs his hands down harder, though he's pretty sure it doesn't hurt him at all. Well, considering his expression it seems to have the opposite effect. That look on his face, he looks so self satisfied. It would actually be annoying, if Nagisa was in his right mind. But he isn't. His entire body is buzzing and he wants Karma even more, despite already having him.
He is actually starting to feel tired, though. It's a lot of effort to move energetically! His hips seem to have a mind of their own, though, essentially just shifting around without actually going up and down on his knees again. It's different, but it still feels good. Nagisa's not exactly sure why he's enjoying being so full, but staying like that and still getting some sensation… he could get used to it.
Somewhere, in his awareness, there's frustration. Like he's dancing so close to something he can't quite find. Possibly he ends up whining a bit, but he can't really tell. It's odd, because he's trying so hard to concentrate but his entire world is out of focus. He does like the way Karma's rubbing against his insides like this, though, even if he's not actually sure it'll get him anywhere.
Karma groans, then, and suddenly grabs him firmly by the waist. At first Nagisa automatically freezes in reaction, and before he's had time to process he's being shoved over so he's pretty much just lying flat on top of Karma's chest. Still gripping him, Karma shifts a little and plants his feet firmly on the bed as he bends his knees, using the springs as momentum to shove into him hard.
Nagisa immediately cries out, and knows he couldn't have controlled it if he tried. If the forces of that thrust weren't already hard enough, he gips his waist even tighter, pulling him down onto him at the same time. Nagisa doesn't have a choice, he just surrenders like that, mouth hanging open in a silent scream as Karma somehow manages to finally get the perfect angle.
Maybe it turns into an audible scream at some point.
Everyone has their limits. Apparently the combination of his prostate being savagely pounded against and his erection finding friction on Karma's abdomen is his. It's euphoric, and the perfect reminder of why he was so desperate in the first place. He wishes this kind of feeling could last forever, but there's only so much his body can actually take.
"Hey," he says, calmer than is fair, "c'mon, let go."
It really doesn't make sense that it works. Sure, logically speaking, it was never going to take a lot from this point. He's already so far gone he doesn't have control over his body, and he's shaking in a way that would be concerning otherwise. But still, it feels odd that Karma's voice still manages to effortlessly set him off. It feels like a while since he had any kind of orgasm, and it hits stronger than he remembers. He's pretty much just hanging on to Karma, vaguely aware that noises are spilling out of him, and his hips are rocking back into it as much as they can.
He comes back to his own awareness slowly, not entirely sure where it actually ended. He tries to take in his own breaths, only just slightly aware that Karma's not moving anymore. He feels so exhausted, but also content. Actually, he's used to finishing in positions that are just uncomfortable, or have Karma on top of him crushing his lungs. Like this, though, he can relax. Distantly, he even considers just closing his eyes and falling asleep.
Karma's hands slide up from his waist, one wrapped around his back in a kind of hug, and the other weaving into his hair, pretty much just stroking it. In any other circumstance, Nagisa would have found it weird and uncomfortable, but it is actually relaxing like this. Consciously or not, he ends up leaning into it, humming at the caresses.
"Better now?" Karma says teasingly.
Nagisa lifts his head a little, so that he's actually looking at him, rather than burying himself in the crook of his neck. "Karma," he says, "am I gay?"
Karma stops his hand entirely. "What?"
He regrets it. "I-"
"Nagisa," he says, "you know my dick is literally still in you right now?"
"Yeah, I noticed."
Karma really blinks, then. "You're really confused about this?"
As if on cue, he slips out of him. Nagisa winces, now that the buzz of pleasure's gone. He feels stupid for even bringing it up. He hadn't realised it was even on his mind still. Well… Karma is supposed to be his teacher. At the very least, it starts to feel a little awkward just being on top of him like this. It feels like he can hardly even use his legs, but he manages to roll off.
Karma's still looking at him like a math problem.
"Just… hold that thought."
He almost questions him when he slips out of bed, but doesn't find the energy to. In fact, he starts to feel a little delirious. Did he really just say that aloud? He's half tempted to grab his clothes and run, but Karma comes back too quickly, chest clean and underwear on. It's more than enough to make Nagisa feel imbalanced.
Before he can say anything, Karma's leaning over him with a slightly damp cloth, wiping his own body clean. It's oddly intimate, yet not that sexual. The water is just the right temperature to soothe him. He can't fully relax into it, though. Karma looks focused, from where he is, and Nagisa's not entirely sure how to deal with it.
"Isn't it a little weird for you to be doing this?" He voices, because apparently the orgasm broke his brain to mouth filter.
Karma just hums. "It's called aftercare."
"Oh."
He discards the cloth, and kneels back on the bed in a seiza position. "So, these kind of labels mean a lot to you?"
"No," Nagisa shifts so he's under the covers, which is a lot less uncomfortable for him, if they're going to have a conversation. "I just don't get it."
He tilts his head. "Hm? What isn't there to get?"
In truth, Nagisa doesn't actually know how to voice it to him. It's just so weird, enjoying sex as much as he so clearly does. Of course, he's aware that most people enjoy sex. Just existing amongst other guys would almost be enough to convince anyone that sex is the most important thing on the planet. Nagisa could maybe accept if he just wasn't interested at all, but the fact that all of a sudden he's practically desperate for it is throwing him through a loop.
"Is it just trial and error?" He asks. "I don't… You told me you knew after… with a girl…"
Karma sighs dramatically, shifting into a more casual sitting position. "That was different though."
His forehead wrinkles. "Different?"
"You mean figuring out I liked guys?" He shrugs. "It's not like I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I mean, maybe I spent a little bit of time thinking about Indiana Jones and Sonic Ninja, but-"
Nagisa splutters. "Excuse me?!"
His eyes narrow. "Oh come on, that's old news."
"No it isn't!"
Karma laughs then. "Why are you acting like I just told you Santa isn't real?"
"You never told me that's what you watched the movie for!"
"Nah," he says, "I didn't say that. I mean, the skin-tight latex was a part of it. What's with the face? Don't tell me you're jealous."
It kind of is like finding out Santa isn't real, honestly. Realistically, Nagisa knows that Karma does actually like the movies, he's spent enough hours ranting about their direction. Sonic Ninja's always been their thing. The first time he even hung out with Karma. Imagining that Karma was just horny all of those times… it's a little off putting. And he's not jealous! Why would be be?! He doesn't care what Karma does. Or, who he does.
"No," he decides.
Karma doesn't look like he believes him. "I wouldn't have pegged you for the possessive type."
"I'm not!"
"Do you want to hear the story or not?"
Nagisa folds his arms. "Fine."
"I had better things to worry about," he says. "It's not like I spent all my time thinking about guys. I was aware of it, but I didn't really care. You remember what Class A were like, 's not like I was surrounded by temptation. But we got forced to do this group project, and one of Asano's groupies just offered. Couldn't think of a good reason to say no at the time."
He's not sure how to take that. He's not about to judge Karma for anything like that, but it really does seem weird to him that he'd just… agree to that. Maybe because Nagisa's never been propositioned like that, but he can't imagine just going along with it so freely. Then again… the way that their whole thing started wasn't the best. At least he cares about Karma though.
It also doesn't make sense. "But if you don't like girls, then how-"
"You can still react when it feels good," he says nonchalantly. "Didn't mean I wanted to do it again. When I tried it with a guy, on the other hand… Plus, it really annoyed Asano."
"You slept with Asano?!"
Karma really loses it then, doubling over in laughter. Nagisa doesn't find it very funny. "Come on, I have standards. It was an easy way to make him freak out, though."
"So it is a trial and error thing then?"
"If you want to go sleep with a girl just to prove you're not gay, I won't try and stop you," Karma says. "You can still know without actually doing it." He shoots him an odd look. "So you've never thought about girls?"
He shifts uncomfortably. "No, but… I didn't think about guys either. I just always thought people figure this kind of thing out a lot younger. But I still don't even know."
"Well, if you want me tell you," he says, "you're definitely not straight."
Nagisa supposes that's a valid judgement, even if it doesn't supply much of an answer. "Oh."
"I mean, you're still naked in my bed," he states.
Which causes Nagisa to jolt, falling ungracefully out of it. He tries his best to ignore Karma's laughter, how much he's burning up in embarrassment, and the general soreness in his lower regions. At least it's a chance to scramble for the discarded clothes around the room, pulling them on as quickly as he effectively can, even though he finds himself majorly stumbling.
"Hey, Nagisa," Karma rolls over in bed, looking up at him. "There's more than two options, you know."
He nods shyly. "I know."
A small smile shines on his face. "Happy new year, by the way."
New year indeed. Briefly, his eyes draw over to the window, and the darkness outside. What will this year be like? Nagisa understands the idea of time being separated into two chunks by a single day is kind of arbitrary, but he still can't help but let himself wonder. If the twists and turns from the last few months continue, then he's in for an interesting time.