So when you're near me Darlin' can't you hear me,
SOS
The love you gave me,
Nothing else could save me…
Every year Olaf and I exchange cute and funny ornaments to add to the tree we set up where our desks meet, so I decorate this one instead of the big tree I have at home. I decorated the living room and dining room, just like Mom used to so it's cheerful, but I'm saving the tree for when Elsa gets home. But she might not. At least, not in time for Christmas. So, this little shared tree is all I have for now.
When you're gone
How can I even try to move on...
"So, you ready for the Secret Santa gift exchange?" Olaf waggles his eyebrows and I know he knows who I have and who has me. Of course he won't tell, but I have a feeling it's someone I least expect. Maybe it's Gina. Or Courtney. Probably another gift card.
The love you gave me,
Nothing else could save me...
Of course, I wasn't just gonna get a gift card for Kristoff... Not after I made him feel bad about it. So I got him a gag gift from that store in the mall that customizes glasses and stuff. I'm not sure if he'll appreciate it since I'm really not even sure if he even has a sense of humor. The only times I've ever seen him even sort of smile was that first day I started at the company, that day in the elevator, and when he was sitting in my chair waiting for the program to load so he could save my life. Obviously he did because I still work here. But I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought of that smile every once in a while over the past week.
You seemed so far away
Though you were standing near...
I wait for him to go to the kitchen so I can sneak into his office and drop off my Secret Santa gift. He seems to be running behind schedule today for some reason. Wow, his office is so neat! I've never really been in here, just at the door, so it feels like a total invasion of his privacy. But what am I supposed to do? I can't just give it to him, it's supposed to be a secret.
Darlin' can't you hear me,
SO…
Bloop bloop bloop
Oh no…
It's 11:55! The clock on my phone must be 5 minutes slow… Something I tried to fix a couple of days ago but couldn't figure it out and didn't bother to put a ticket in because I knew Kristoff wouldn't fix it anyway. And I really need to get that fucking song out of my head! The lyrics have been running around in there all week long, ever since… I mean, I love ABBA just as much as the next girl, but what the hell is wrong with me? Fuck!
There's a man on the screen talking to me, he's blond and looks a little like Kristoff, but a few years older and not quite as handsome. Meaning, he's pretty cute, but Kristoff is... yeah, he's next level hot. It must be his brother, the one he said is stationed overseas. I guess that's who Kristoff was talking to that day he helped me. The man keeps pointing at the headset, and I keep looking at the door. No way am I putting that thing on! I just put the box on his desk and hightail it out of there. Now I wish Kristoff hadn't saved me. At least if I got fired I would have gotten a severance package - probably - which would have given me time to find a new job.
Hiding in the bathroom was a bad idea because now someone else is in here and I'm gonna have to stay in this stall so they don't see me, and hopefully they won't think I'm pooping. I'll just stand in the corner so they won't see my shoes.
When you're gone...
"Oh my god, Tiffany, Kristoff actually smiled at me today! Can you believe it? He's probably my Secret Santa or something."
"God knows you dropped enough hints."
I think I'm gonna be sick. Gina is so obviously into Kristoff and he's so obviously not interested. But she twists every little detail of their interactions that could possibly be twisted into something it isn't. It must be so exhausting for her. It must be even more exhausting for her friends. And everyone puts up with it for some reason.
How can I even try
To move on…
And why can't I get that fucking song out of my fucking head!?
"I saw him leave something at Anna's desk, though," says Denise. "He opened one of her drawers or something."
What? Kristoff is my Secret Santa? Oh my god, after I gave him a hard time about the gift card? And he opened my drawer? Which one! The one with every single unopened pay stub since I started there, all the receipts from my therapist's office I still need to scan in for my FSA credit before the end of the year (oh yeah, that's this week!), or the one with all the bags of chips and candy? I really just need to start locking my drawers. Except, I don't even know where the key is!
Oh god… when are they going to leave? Now I actually do have to pee, but I have to wait for them to leave…
SOS...
"Ugh. You don't even know what you're talking about, Denise. We'll just have to see. It would be such a waste for him to get a gift for Anna, wouldn't it? It's pretty obvious she has a thing for him and that he's not interested."
What the fuck?
"Yeah, it's so pathetic the way she watches him walk to and from the kitchen, and she always frowns every time he helps me with something."
I do not!
"You know, he always handles my tickets right away, but I never see him helping her at all. I wonder why!"
Ok… that part is true. But maybe it's because you're a fucking moron, Gina!
"Yeah, I almost feel bad for her. I mean, he's not remotely interested. Maybe if she lost 15 pounds or so."
Fuck you, Becky. Just because I'm not a size 0 doesn't make me fat.
"Speaking of Anna, though, did you see her sweater?"
They're all laughing, and there's more of them than I thought. What's wrong with my sweater? I thought it was cute. And ugly. It's got snowmen and snowflakes, what's not to like? What the hell is wrong with my sweater?
"Wait, there's an ugly sweater contest at the office Christmas party this afternoon. She's wearing an ugly sweater."
I never did have a problem with Denise. She's still really nice to me even though Gina isn't. Glad to know it's not fake nice.
"Yeah, but I mean… come on, Denise. It's too tight and you can see her back fat. Plus it's just tacky."
What? I'm not fat! Maybe I eat like shit, but I work out 5 days a week!
"We're all wearing ugly sweaters, Gina. It's kind of the point."
"I'm not," she says.
I cover my mouth to hide my giggle. Gina is wearing a tight sparkly white, slightly see-through sweater with a feathery boa thing around the neck, which is so wide it's almost off shoulder. At least my sweater is supposed to be ugly.
"And Kristoff isn't either. He never participates in office things anyway." That's true. I can't believe Olaf talked him into doing the Secret Santa thing. He'll probably be working through the entire party. It's really too bad, though, because I made chocolate chiffon trifle again. He's really going to miss out. Maybe I'll bring him some. Except I already brought him a gift and his friend saw me and that's why I went to the bathroom in the first place, how I got stuck hearing all about how much Kristoff loves Gina and hates me, how I'm so pathetic, how I have the wrong kind of ugly sweater(?), and how Kristoff is my Secret Santa… Ugh. I mean, what's the right amount of ugly?.
How can I even try to move on...
God damn it, Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny, Anni-Frid!
Why can't those bitches just leave so I can go back to work? I can't just walk out now because then they'll think I was just waiting around for them to leave so I can poop. No one wants to be caught pooping at work. Not that that's a funny thing, but they don't really need anything else to laugh at me for. And worse than pooping would be spying on them. On the other hand, if they didn't talk like that they wouldn't have to worry about it...
Finally, they leave and I can pee in peace! At this point I've wasted almost my whole lunch hiding in the bathroom. Ugh. I'm so hungry, but I'll just have to eat my sandwich while I'm working. I always eat at my desk anyway.
Wait, what? Kristoff emailed me?
From: Bjorgman, Kristoff
To: Arendelle, Anna
Date: Thursday, December 23, 2021, 12:25 pm
Subject: Thank You!
Message:
img Most Interesting Man in the Universe meme: "I may not always save my work, but when I do I make my IT guy very happy. Save often, my friends." /img
Awww, he made a meme for me! He must have cut his call with his friend short so he could make this for me. And he obviously got the joke.
I check back and his door's open and he's yelling at someone on the phone. Poor guy sounds so frustrated. He's always so frustrated.
Oh! Right. Denise said he left something for me in my drawer. Oh, please don't let it be in any of the embarrassing drawers!
Ok, not in any of the embarrassing drawers. Oh! The pencil drawer, of course. Wait, what's this?
Oh my god… I don't even know what to say. I look back and he's still on the phone. Yeah, the photo with my parents isn't where it usually is, on the bulletin board, because he put it in a picture frame for me… oh my god… It's green and it has a bunch of sunflowers. He's still on the phone…
I snap my head back as quickly as I can. He totally saw me and our eyes locked. I can't believe this is happening. Try not to read into this. He's just being nice because you told him some sob story about losing your parents. He just feels sorry for you.
I make some room for the frame and carefully set it just next to my monitor, not far from where it was on the bulletin board, but closer to me. This is really one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever gotten. And it's from the cranky IT guy I always thought hated me. Or at least barely tolerated me. Obviously he doesn't. He must like me at least a little. I mean, did he know that sunflowers are my favorite? Or was that just a coincidence?
Oh, I see what he did with the email. It was a hint. What do I say back?
From: Arendelle,
Anna To: Bjorgman, Kristoff
Date: Thursday, December 23, 2021, 12:52 p.m.
Subject: Re: Thank You!
Message: … What do I write? ….
Thank you! This is the perfect frame for the perfect day…. ….
So when you're near me, darlin' can you hear me …
…. S.O.S…...
Nope. Obviously not. I need, like a gif or a meme or something… I'm definitely overthinking this because my screensaver just comes on. Oh, so it wasn't a coincidence! That's how he knew I liked sunflowers.
I'm just gonna keep it simple. And send!
Oh, crap. Was the reindeer eating the carrot suggestive? My face is on fire. How is this the best day I've ever had at work but also the worst? I might as well just leave now because there's no way any work is going to get done until after Christmas.
I know! I can scan in my FSA bullshit. No, I can't. I have to do that after hours. Unless… But Kristoff's off the phone now…
SOS...
Sven: So… who's the girl?
Kristoff: What girl?
S: The girl that was in here just a minute ago. "What girl?" Come on, man.
K: There was a girl in here?
S: Yeah, a cute redhead with a great rack? She left a box and then freaked when she saw me.
Oh. So Anna's my Secret Santa. How 'bout that? I wonder if she's seen my gift yet.
S: Aren't you going to open it?
K: Not in front of you! We can play now and I'll open it when we hang up. Or we can hang up now and I can open it.
S: Will you at least open my gift then?
Sven's gift is sitting there on my desk. I promised him I'd open it in front of him. I'm really curious about Anna's gift, but this is pretty much the only time Sven and I get to talk. And he's already opened mine.
I'm sure this is going to be some kind of a gag gift. I jab my pen into the plastic connecting the box flaps and rip.
Holy shit… I don't even know what to fucking say right now.
Sven's snorting from laughing so hard. He's nearly falling off of his chair.
S: Your face! So priceless!
I look at it one more time, and I'm not gonna lie, I would love to look at it more. But I'm at work, so I close the box and pop several new pieces of tape to shut it. Don't want anyone else to see this.
K: An advent calendar?
Instead of candy or whatever, each day is a new sexual activity.
K: You're such an asshole.
S: You can try it out with that redhead.
He fucking winks. So not funny...
Ok, so maybe I've thought about doing numbers 3, 11, and 12 with her a few times… Ugh! How am I going to be able to look at her now?
K: Sometimes I really don't like you.
Only an older brother can chuckle like that.
K: What do I say if your kid asks me what you got me?
S: She knows how much Sam and I love each other.
Well, that's a sad note. It sucks that he's been away so long and not coming home for at least another year. He hardly ever talks about it, but I know he really misses her and Alice a lot.
S: Well, anyway, we were talking about redheads…
K: I love you, man. Merry Christmas. Stay safe out there.
The wrapping paper is so nice. Gold wood grain printed on parchment with tiny photo realistic reindeers pixelated throughout. I wonder if she had this paper already or if she bought it just for this gift.
It's not really wrapped very well, but considering how much thought she put into the paper, it's pretty adorable, actually, and I'm really not all that surprised.
Oh, this is funny! This is hilarious, actually. The mug says "Ctrl+SOS". And it has a sealed lid. That's also a bit of a joke, even though I was serious about that part. Wait, there's something in it. Something wrapped in a lime green post-it. It's a roll of Life Savers. So cute. The note says, "Happy Holidays, Lifesaver! From your Secret Santa". Even if Sven didn't tell me it was Anna, I still would have known.
She's definitely getting a meme, but I can't find one I like. I'll just make my own. Since I'm not playing with Sven today, I've got time anyway.
"No! That's not good enough. I need you to fix it before New Year's. Our service contract says we should get service within 48 hours of a request." I'm exasperated with the scheduling software company. Pinch my nose. I can't even...
Ugh…. I didn't need to put the picture in the frame. That was definitely too much. I should have just put the frame in the drawer.
"What's that? Oh, yeah, I, um, yeah I requested service 72 hours ago, and I'm out of the office next week. So this needs to get done by the end of the day…"
I wonder if Anna's seen the frame yet. Shit. She just saw me looking at her.
"Yeah, sure, 4:30 pm. That's perfect! Thank you!"
I usually leave at 4:00 pm, but I know Anna leaves later. Maybe we can walk out together or something. What if she thinks that's creepy, though? Like I'm stalking her after work just to talk to her?
Wait…
From: Arendelle, Anna
To: Bjorgman, Kristoff
Date: Thursday, December 23, 2021, 12:52 p.m.
Subject: Re: Thank You!
Message: Thank you! This is the perfect frame for the perfect picture. Happy Holidays, Kristoff!
img cute picture of a real reindeer standing next to a snowman trying to eat his carrot /img
Well, I guess she liked the frame. Ugh… That gif is so cute. She's too cute. She's way too cute. Wait, another email?
From: Arendelle, Anna
To: Bjorgman, Kristoff
Date: Friday, December 22, 2021, 1:01 p.m.
Subject: Re: Re: Thank You!
Message:
Kristoff,
Do you mind if I use your scanner? I need to scan something confidential.
Uh… what exactly does she want to scan that's private? I'm not reading into this, though, am I?
It's for my FSA reimbursements. I don't want everyone to see my medical receipts.
Thanks!
Anna :)
That's a relief. I mean, would I have really minded, though, if she meant something less innocent? Minded isn't exactly the right word. I mean, just not at work. Out of all of the women in the office, she's the only one I'd ever consider sleeping with. I mean, she's so hot. And capable. I sort of love that she doesn't really need my help. Only it did feel really good when she called me a "lifesaver".
Ok, maybe I've also considered doing numbers 2, 5, 21, and 23 with her a few times over the years.
Yup. I'm going to end up in a closed door meeting with HR and a formal reprimand because of her. One way or another. Ugh… This is why I tried to stay away from her. Because I knew something like this would happen.
From: Bjorgman, Kristoff
To: Arendelle, Anna
Date: Thursday, December 23, 2021, 1:02 pm
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Thank You!
Message:
Yeah, you can use my scanner if you want. I can save it to a flash drive for you so you can upload it at home.
Kristoff :)
I mean… she had to have gotten this mug custom made, right? They don't just sell mugs like that. Do they?