Nagisa can't stop glancing over at his phone.
Technically, he's still at work. So he shouldn't be doing this, not really. It's not like he has students around to see him, but it still feels like using his phone is very much in the range of 'not okay'. Maybe this is just his life now. Constantly on edge, just waiting to be contacted… What happened to quitting, exactly?
The school day's been over for a little while now, but there's a lot of side work he still needs to get done. Mostly it's just grading papers, but there's additional tasks like writing notes on everyone, coming up with something to say in his reports… not that it's hard to find nice things to say about his students! If anything, he's actually struggling to cut it down.
His phone finally and Nagisa clenches his fist, trying to will himself not to look at it.
He does anyway, of course, like he's parched for water or something. He hates himself every moment he does it, too. Ironically enough, it's not even a message from Karma. Although, that realisation makes him panic, since he's actually getting a video call from Kayano of all people. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to her, but it's a very different situation.
"H-hello?!" He scrambles.
Kayano's face beams at him through the screen. "Nagisa! Long time no see!" She falters. "Is this a bad time?"
"Oh, no," he takes a deep breath and gathers his thoughts. "Now's fine."
She peers deeper into the screen. "Are you sure? You look like you're in a classroom."
Admittedly, he'd forgotten about her phoning him. "It's fine, school already finished so I'm just catching up on a few bits of other work… it's not that interesting."
Kayano smiles softly. "I feel like you're even busier than I am sometimes."
"How's the new drama going?" He asks politely.
She nods a little. "Pretty good. Filming an ongoing series is definitely a lot different to movies. My mornings have been crazy recently, but at least I get some time off. Plus, it's easier than being based in a different country, as fun as it is to travel and see different places… They're talking about renewing the show for another season. I want to do it, but I think I might also be interested in something different soon… I'm rambling, aren't I?"
"No," Nagisa says genuinely. "That sounds great."
She grins. "So, have you actually watched it yet?"
"…" He half laughs as he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "I haven't had time to watch much TV lately…"
Kayano doesn't seem to mind at least. "You'll just have to binge it all when it's over! At least you'll have a break coming up soon, right?"
"Yeah," he affirms. "Not that I just get to do nothing, but it's a few days off, when the school year finally ends."
"Speaking of which, are you coming to the meet up this year?"
Nagisa hadn't skipped the last one… okay two… on purpose. It's hard to keep up with everything these days. But this year he's pretty sure he can make it! At least, he hopes. It's been far too long since he saw everyone, all in one place… Though, he'd almost considered never going again after what happened at the meet up the year all of them had turned 20, and thus drinking was totally legal. For real, Nagisa really should stay away from the alcohol.
"I think so," he says. "Did Isogai say if they're planning anything?"
Kayano shrugs. "Aside from cleaning up? I think someone was talking about an epic cops and robbers rematch. Karasuma san's coming this year, so we'll actually have a referee."
If Karasuma is planning to attend, then Nagisa definitely can't skip out.
"I hope Takebayashi's prepared with the first aid," he jokes.
"He's bringing one of the paramedic kits from the hospital this year!"
Nagisa knows she's not kidding. "I'm sad I missed out last time."
A small smile comes on her face. "Everyone misses you, you know. Even Sugino says he barely sees you these days. Do you even still hang out with Karma?"
She doesn't know the half of it. Aside from the pooling guilt he feels at Kayano's statement, he feels awkward at the question. Although he made up with Sugino, they haven't spoken about the situation at all. He should probably learn from that that not talking about it is the best option. Plus, it would feel even more weird to talk about that kind of thing with Kayano. It's not that important, right?
"Yeah," he says a little robotically, "sometimes."
Her lips press together slightly. "That's good, at least…"
"Actually," he wracks his brain for anything to change the subject, "it's been hard with the exam period and everything. It was tough when we were kids, but I never realised how much planning actually goes into this. I'm trying to think of a fun bonus question… do you think you can help?"
It is nice to talk to Kayano. They've been friends for so long for a reason, after all. Since they were in 3E together, she hasn't actually changed that much. Although she was faking her personality when they first met, she'd adapted to the cheerful persona and that just became how she is. Over time, though, she's mellowed a tiny bit to somewhere more balanced, but she's still the same Kayano who gets excited about small things like cake. Catching up with her makes him feel homesick for some reason.
He feels a little dull, when he packs up his things and starts to head out of the school building. He needs to make more effort to keep in touch with everyone, for one. He needs to make more effort with a lot of things. With his fist clenched tightly around his bag, he spaces out for a moment, just outside of the main gate.
Is this what a rut feels like?
Not that Nagisa's having some sort of premature midlife crisis. But he does feel strange. He was far too busy before with studying and then working his way into his choice career to make anything else a priority. And now he doesn't have anything in particular to work towards, not really. He's never… been in the kind of position where there's not some kind of ultimate goal to make progress towards. He's never just been before.
Maybe this is why he's not making good choices. Maybe he needs to find something to work towards. But what? Aside from his regular work, he really doesn't actually do a lot. Unless his hook ups/lessons with Karma count. Maybe they should count, but it feels even more depressing if he admits to himself that's the one set social outlet in his regular weeks right now.
In the end, Nagisa ends up in Book Off. He's not even sure how he got there, and in fact he didn't even know there was one so close to the school. It's almost as if it just materialised in his time of need. Admittedly, it's rare for him to visit the shop and actually buy a book. Since it's pretty much second hand pot luck for whatever you can get your hands on, it's a decent place to look for rare merchandise.
It's not like Nagisa doesn't read. He has to read a bunch of very famous literature considering his profession. But for pleasure? It's never quite been his thing. Aside from manga and comic books, that is. Nagisa finds himself staring at a bookshelf worth of proper options. Between the classroom classics and a barrage of low budget romance novels, there's nothing too eye catching.
Scanning the other shelves, he eventually just picks up the first title he actually recognises: Pride and Prejudice. Okay, so it's definitely not his thing. He has a vague idea of what it's about, but he's never even come close to reading it himself. Well, it's different… and most importantly only 300 yen. So maybe it's a little bit past the new year's resolution time, but this is a goal all the same. He's going to read an enlightening book.
His phone buzzes in his hand, though, so he half rushes towards the cashier and tries not to look her in the eye before scuttling off out. Thankfully, once he's put the book in his bag and made it through the metro gates in one piece, he's missed the worst of the homecoming rush. He manages to get a whole row of seats to himself when the train finally comes, sitting down with a sigh.
Karma: Come over I'm bored
Nagisa roles his eyes, after finally reading the message. At least he'd been too busy to actually give an instant reply.
Nagisa: I told you I was going to be busy at work until later.
Karma: But I got home already
Karma: And you didn't tell me when you'd be done yet
Karma: Are you done now?
Karma: I'll pick you up some food from the store
Honestly, Nagisa's not actually surprised that Karma replied right away. He's not even surprised that he's in a store for some reason. Perhaps the most alluring part of him is how much he seems to actually enjoy cooking. It's a far cry from the readymade food Nagisa would have otherwise. Perhaps that should be the next thing on his life agenda – actual cookery.
Nagisa: I just got on the train. What are you making?
Karma: I kind of felt like burgers earlier but they didn't have the right kind of sauce
Karma: So now I'm staring at mayonnaise
Karma: Did you know there's like 25 varieties?
Nagisa: I don't actually like mayonnaise that much.
Karma: Well you should have just said because now I'm making oyakodon.
Nagisa: Why do you even need mayonnaise for that?
Karma: I don't
Karma: I'm just saying
Karma: Make me feel better with a strip tease?
Nagisa: Other chat.
Nagisa: Remember?
Karma: Yeah, yeah
Karma: See you in a bit
The 'other chat' is actually a new introduction, because Nagisa's accepted his fate at this point. It's a great solution. His regular conversations with Karma, they can stay on their normal chat. But anything 'lessons' related? They're now designated into a secondary chat. And Nagisa's been really strict about it, too. This way, it's much easier to keep everything separate. Even if it has encouraged even more of the flirty messages…
He forgets about everything else he was feeling earlier, as he walks the familiar route to Karma's apartment. This is fine, isn't it? He's getting good food, and probably sex, and all in all it's going to be a great start to the weekend. If they get done earlier enough he might even actually get started with his new novel.
What catches him off guard, though, is that Karma happens to be right there approaching from the opposite direction by the time Nagisa actually reaches the door. It turns out he wasn't kidding about the shopping, considering the bags in his hands. Thankfully, there doesn't appear to be a mayonnaise bottle in there. It's about then he realises he's still walking, and almost directly into Karma's chest.
"Hi," Nagisa says, maybe a little awkwardly.
Karma just blinks, before relaxing a little in his stance. "Watch where you're going, Nagisa, you might bump into someone like that."
"Excuse me," someone else says, which makes Nagisa jump, clearly trying to actually go somewhere (which the two of them are blocking, to be fair).
"Sor-" Nagisa begins, but his words get caught in his throat because he doesn't quite know how to process the person in front of him.
They roll their eyes, tossing locks of rainbow coloured dyed hair over their shoulder. Nagisa can't actually tell their gender just at a glance, based on their figure and clothing choice, but he gets the feeling that effect is intentional. It's dark, something he'd probably describe as punk if he had to use a word, but there's also cute, colourful flowery designs and badges with various logos on them. Not to mention that with the platform shoes they're wearing, they're almost matching Karma's height.
It's with slight fascination that he watches them knock on the door, which swings open almost instantly. "Fumiko Sensei! Happy birthday! I hope I'm not too late."
Karma's neighbour embraces them. "Mari, you came, please come in, we've only just started." She peers out of the doorway, though, clearly catching sight of them. "Ah, good evening, Karma kun, Nagisa kun."
Karma doesn't seem too taken aback by the greeting. "You never said your birthday was coming up."
She smiles widely. "You'll see someday, but there's a certain age when you don't like to think about it."
"I'd have got you a gift," he says casually. "Maybe even more government merchandise."
"Your presence is gift enough," she jokes.
The other person, Mari apparently, sighs dramatically. "He's too young for you, we've been over this."
"Also gay," Karma adds cheerfully.
Hisaishi san raises an eyebrow, and glances directly at Nagisa. "And still taken by the looks of it. You two should join the party."
"P-party?" Nagisa's brain finally catches up.
Karma looks at him. "You want to?"
Well, he definitely can't say no now! "Yeah, it seems like fun."
Hisaishi san beams. "Come on in, then! We'll make some room in here."
Karma slaps him forward, hitting his hand into his back. "Go on, I'll put the food away first."
Why does this feel like some sort of kidnapping? When they stand in the genkan, though, Mari turns out to be surprisingly short without the shoes. He's not sure if that actually makes him feel better or not. For an elderly woman, the party appears to be surprisingly playful. There's colourful banners all around, and the sizeable number of people in the room match Mari's style, though they're all a variety of ages.
"Take a seat," she says cheerily.
Nagisa feels a little out of his depth. But he does accept the offer, trying to take in the scene around him. Should be speak to someone?
"Who's this?" Someone asks, just as he sits down. "Hi, cutie."
"Taken apparently," Mari slides into the seat next to him, nonchalantly pulling out a bag of Cheetos.
"I-I'm not really-"
Someone who appears to be… a drag queen (?) across from him tuts. "There's no such thing as 'it's complicated'."
"Get this," Mari says, "he's with Karma."
"Hot Karma?"
"Yup."
Why does he feel like he needs some air? "I-I'm sorry?"
"Oh don't be, just sharing some home truths. You're a lucky boy," she (?) says. "I'm Crystal, by the way. Nice to meet you…?"
"Nagisa," he supplies. "Uhm… you know Karma?"
She snorts. "He almost broke my favourite stilettoes in Ni Chome."
"He was trying to reach seven feet tall," Mari supplies, as though that's an explanation. "It was terrifying, but he didn't quite manage it."
So these are Karma's… friends? Nagisa didn't even know he had friends. Wait… it feels mean to think that. Well, clearly he does. Nagisa just wouldn't have pictured him with a crowd of people like this. There's nothing wrong with it, not at all, aside from being a little unexpected he actually kind of likes the idea, in some weird way. He wants to ask how any of this actually came about.
Karma even being amongst a lively crowd is a weird concept.
"What I want to know," Crystal says, "is your story. You're so much cuter. Are those lashes natural?"
"Uhm-"
"You're not scaring him, are you?" Karma says from behind him, having arrived apparently.
"Don't corrupt him," she says with a heavy sigh, before standing up and whacking him across the head with a decorative fan.
Karma, surprisingly, doesn't seem to mind at all, practically brushing it off his shoulder as he takes the vacant seat. This is… casual? Nagisa doesn't even know what to think, the entire situation is so bizarre. True, he has no idea what Karma's done in the last few years, other than university, work, and spend time with him. But this is like a completely different side to him.
Despite the cockiness he usually exudes, he's never been much of a social butterfly.
When Mari, too, turns away, Nagisa can't really hold back the questions. "Uhm-"
Karma shoots him a look of warning. "Don't."
"When were you wearing stilettoes?"
He turns his head, a subtle but visible flush appearing on his cheeks. "I was drunk and in university."
The gears start to spin in Nagisa's mind. Karma didn't live here during university, and these seem very much like Hisaishi san's friends. It sounded like she moved in after him, anyway, so either he's remembering things wrong or something doesn't quite add up. He's not sure he's getting the full picture here at all.
"I thought Hisaishi san was just your neighbour."
He looks surprised that Nagisa knows any kind of details, and he considers than he never actually brought the details of their meeting up. "I mean, I knew her a little before that. She was the one who told me about the free apartment. It just happened that someone died next door or something so she ended up moving in herself, based on 'fate' or something since she rejected my one."
"Oh," Nagisa gets out, even more confused.
"She used to be a professional domminatrix," he explains casually. "Retired recently."
"Oh."
"I'm not really part of their group, if that's what you're asking," he offers. "It's more like people you run into sometimes. She's kind of like the grandma I never had, anyway, she's obsessed with feeding people. I'm surprised she didn't manage to corner you yet."
He squints. "So you talk about me?"
The subtle flush grows even deeper. "You come round so often it's not like I never mention you."
It's at that reason that Nagisa realises, with only mild horror, that that's probably how she knew his name in the first place. Not just because of unbearable loudness. Which means that Hisaishi san had probably just done that to mess with him or something. Based on what he can gather, and the way she's loudly laughing at something in the corner of the room, she's the type of person who gets amused at making others squirm.
He can definitely get she'd make a good grandparent figure to Karma of all people.
"…She cornered you already."
Now it's Nagisa's turn to avert his gaze. "Yeah."
"And said wha-"
"What are you boys whispering in a corner for?" Hisaishi san makes her own presence known then. "I might not be able to drink much anymore, but you should have fun. This was my signature cocktail, you know? Please, it's free service," she winks.
"H-happy birthday," Nagisa gets out.
"It is, isn't it?" she beams. "I can't go and party much anymore, so the party was brought right here." She snickers. "It might seem like a lot to eyes as innocent as yours, but this is the most relaxed I've seen them. Us misfits, we'll take any opportunity to let lose. You'll get it one day. Anyway, a toast, hm?" She gets up and practically floats away.
He needs a moment of processing time. "Did she just call me a normie?"
"I mean," Karma leans back and sips the drink, "you kind of are."
"S-since when?!"
He shrugs. "You're not exactly hard to get along with for most people. Plus, you've always had a bit of a stick in the ass."
Nagisa's not sure if he's insulted or not. Being easy to get along with, is that a bad thing? It feels like he means it as a bad thing, but he's not completely sure. He feels a little put out by the words though. Isn't being a misfit the thing that linked them together in the first place? Nagisa might have only been in 3E for poor grades, but they'd all been in the same boat back then. Unless… maybe a lot of time really has passed since then.
"It's not like you have a problem with things in my ass," he mutters.
Karma's eyes widen. "Woah there Nagisa, that was a little feisty."
"Hmph," he crosses his arms. See, he can be rebellious sometimes.
"You're just pretty normal," Karma says. "All in all."
"I'm a trained assassin."
"And the best part of your skill is how good you are at hiding it, remember?" He tilts his head. "You gave me a run for my money for sure."
"That almost sounds like a compliment."
"Well," he swallows, "it's the truth."
Suddenly, things feel a lot heavier. There's something in the way Karma's looking at him, like a wave of intensity. It feels like something he wants to lean into, but simultaneously something that makes him want to throw up. And then there's the voice that screams at him that there can't be feelings between them, their relationship is business only.
He forces himself to breathe, instead taking a taste of the drink that was happened to him. "This is… really good, actually."
"And this is why I drink so much strawberry."
Nagisa takes a big gulp of it, letting the refreshing taste dance across his tongue. In the back of his mind, he's aware that there's probably a high alcohol content even if he can't taste it, but that doesn't seem important to him. In fact, Hisaishi san really wasn't kidding. He finishes the glass depressingly quickly. In fact, he almost wants to ask for another one.
Only a small amount of time passes before Karma starts leaning up against his shoulder.
"We've shown ourselves, we can leave now."
He shifts. "Nobody else is leaving though."
"But you started talking about putting things in your ass," he complains, at least doing him the courtesy of whispering into his ear.
Nagisa can't help but wonder if something happened to make him this needy today. "But-"
"We haven't done a lesson on quickies yet," he continues. "That's a really fundamental gap."
He frowns. "We kind of did though, on your birthday."
He can practically feel Karma's jaw clench slightly. "Bringing that up doesn't help."
His stomach rumbles. "I'll come if you make me food first."
"Deal," Karma grins. "We'll slip out."
Nagisa scans the room, unsure given the intensity of the others' behaviour. "You think we can?"
"I thought you were a trained assassin," Karma teases.
That sounds like a challenge. Unfortunately, Nagisa's weak. So devastatingly weak. He follows Karma like it's nothing, drawing on the best of this abilities to leave the room without being noticed. A part of him feels pretty bad about it, actually, but his interest has already been captured at this point. Anything for his cooking, really…
"Here," Karma says casually, just walking straight towards his kitchen. "Take this."
Nagisa looks down at the egg that's now in his hands. "What's it for?"
"Safe keeping."
Somehow, he just accepts that as a legitimate reason for a little while. At least something like this doesn't take him too long to cook, as demonstrated by the way he throws rice in the cooker and somehow has the piece of chicken chopped up within the blink of an eye. Nagisa finds himself trying to pay attention over his shoulder, though it's too fast to know exactly what sauces he's throwing into the pan with the meat. It smells like heaven though.
It feels a little weird to just stare in silence though. "What are you doing?"
Karma turns to face him, an evil glint in his eye and a wooden spoon in hand. "Putting a stick in your ass."
Nagisa instinctively jumps back "You are not."
His eyes immediately crease up, and he bursts into a laugh. "Don't tell me you actually thought-"
"I-" Nagisa finds himself turning away out a mixture of frustration and embarrassment. "You do weird things sometimes."
He peers around when Karma doesn't actually respond to him. Well, he's supposed to be cooking. Nagisa actually finds himself stepping closer, tiptoeing in some sort of attempt to look over his shoulder, but he's far too short for that, so he ends up having to go round the side instead to watch him as he chops the rest of the vegetables and throws them in.
"Moment of honour," Karma gestures for the egg. Actually, he's definitely going to need more than one, so Nagisa doesn't know why he bothered to hand it to him in the first place.
Something in the entire thing leaves Nagisa feeling dazed, because the next thing he knows, he has a bowl and they're sitting down to eat it. He just about remembers to be polite and say thank you before digging in. As expected, even though it's a simple dish he's pretty sure he could actually make himself, it's been totally transformed.
"Worth it?" Karma finally asks.
Nagisa looks at him then, seeing the slight shifts in his eyes. He's trying to be nonchalant, for sure, but he knows what Karma looks like when he's thinking. It's like he's waiting for Nagisa's approval or something. Though, he's not entirely sure why. Karma's good at this and he knows it, plus Nagisa doesn't know much at all when it comes to 'things that make food taste good'. It is kind of… cute, though.
He nods. "I could eat it everyday."
A slight tint comes onto his cheeks at that, and his shoulders relax a bit. Yeah, cute.
"Eat it, then," Karma says in a somewhat whiney tone. "That egg could've hatched by now."
Nagisa scowls a little. "I'm savouring it."
"It's like you've never eaten it before."
"I don't get real cooked food that often!"
Karma pouts slightly for a moment. "Then you should cook more. You don't get muscles from Lawson's pizza buns."
Now he's just showing off. "Who said I wanted muscles?"
He shoots him a look like it's obvious. "You, when you asked me every day of junior high basically. It's how you get smart too, y'know."
"Y-you definitely didn't purposely follow some kind of high protein diet." Nagisa even nods to himself in the affirmation of that fact. "All I ever saw you eat was junk food and sugar."
"Maybe," he accepts, "but at least I got it from Seven Eleven."
"B-besides, everyone knows it's fish that make you smart, not chicken."
A look of puzzlement appears on Karma's face. "Fish?"
"Yeah," he nods. "And I eat way more sushi than you."
"So you're saying your own theory is wrong, then."
"I'm-"
Karma lurches across the surface of the kotatsu, then, and Nagisa's thankful they're sitting on the floor. "Ritsu, you there?"
"You can't just-"
The AI appears on his screen. "Hey Karma! It's been a long time, right? Can I help you with something?"
Nagisa feels his face fall flat. "You couldn't just google it?"
He ignores him. "Do fish improve the brain function more than chicken."
"Overall, fatty fish is an excellent choice for brain health. Fatty fish is a rich source of omega-3 fatty acids, a major building block of the brain. Omega-3s play a role in sharpening memory and improving mood, as well as protecting your brain against cognitive decline," Ritsu clears her throat. "According to Healthline at least. Of course, you can't just believe what you read on the internet, so I compiled all the results of the scientific studies that would fit in the last decade and made a chart." She finishes with a peace sign.
"Huh," Karma's eyes scan over the phone screen. "Do you have the figures for chicken?"
Ritsu seems to beam. "Of course, it's on the next graph here."
Nagisa feels woefully left out of this conversation, especially when Karma starts squinting and scribbling something down. If Karma's doing maths that he actually needs to write out, that generally means it's too complicated for Nagisa to understand. There's some sort of irony in Karma mostly inviting him here to hook up, presumably, and ending up discussing data collection methods with a virtual girl.
He would have been happy to just believe the lyrics of the fish song, to be honest.
"Uhm," he tries eventually. "Did you manage to figure it out yet?"
Karma almost doesn't register him. "Hm? Oh, it's not exactly straightforward. Nobody has really done a comparative study before, and you have to account for differences when you look at a ton of different experiments."
Ritsu nods seriously from the phone. "Unfortunately the raw data isn't sufficient."
"Human touch, huh?"
Nagisa's not sure what to make about all of this. "Uhm, will it take much longer?"
"Huh?" Karma looks at him properly. "Oh, right. No, I think it's pretty clear that you were right."
All of that and Karma's not even fussed about proving him wrong?
"I…" it doesn't feel much like a victory, so what is he supposed to say? "Well, that makes… sense?"
Karma looks at his phone again briefly. "You don't have to stick around any longer, Ritsu."
She throws another peace sign. "Anything I can do to help!"
A moment of silence spills through them once they're finally alone. It feels a little awkward, in fact. Nagisa's not sure if he's even in the mood anymore, after all of that maths talk. Though, if he doesn't do anything, won't that be a little odd? Karma made him dinner after all, and it would be really weird if he came here, crashed his neighbour's party, watched him do a really pointless maths problem, and then just left.
He also can't really tell if this is technically normal friend time or not, which isn't helpful for the internal system he's created. Keep these feelings separated.
"How come you know so much about fish anyway?"
Nagisa swallows. "I just really like sushi."
Karma actually laughs, in a way that's clearly making fun of him, but still somehow makes him feel better. "You're just-"
"What?"
He stops what he's doing then, looking at him pretty intensely for a moment before lurching in to kiss him. And it's not like Nagisa minds, not at all. At least he knows this isn't friend time anymore. As much as he wants to know what Karma was going to say… well, he's pretty good at distracting him like this, actually. He swiftly forgets about it.
In fact, Nagisa's not even sure how it happens, but it really isn't long before he's lying on the floor with Karma braced above him, a hand shoved under his shirt. It's almost as easy as walking at this point. All the individual mechanisms are so attuned to him that he doesn't need to think whilst he's doing it, but in the end he makes it to his destination.
Speaking of destination…
He winces a little, releasing his grip on Karma's shirt to rub the back of his head. As it turns out, having it pushed down onto a hard floor isn't exactly comfortable. Stopping wasn't actually his intention, but the motion is enough for Karma to pull back in curiosity, taking in what he's actually doing. Rather than asking if they should shift it to the bedroom like he'd expect, though, Karma's eyes harden up.
"I thought you liked a little pain."
Instantly, Nagisa whimpers, and then covers his mouth in shame. Having such an exploitable switch like that isn't fair.
Karma just looks amused. "What, cat got your tongue all of a sudden? Sit up," he tells him.
Of course, Nagisa does it. It's like whiplash, in a way. The thing is, he's used to reading people. And most people, they have two clear sides to them. Karma's confusing because he's such a contradiction. Rather than sides, it can almost be like he's two entirely different people. He's never quite sunny or dark at one point, even when he's being devious. It's like he's constantly somewhere in the middle, a combination, even if he can appear more one or the other at times. There's always something… there. Nagisa may have beaten him in a fight once, but when Karma's naturally resistant to his most important skill…
He doesn't let the following noises he wants to let out escape his lips, though it's probably obvious he's restraining himself as Karma works off his shirt. Maybe it's all of Karma's contradictions that attracted him in the first place. Nagisa's not wholly sure if that's true or not, to be honest he probably genuinely did just think Karma was super cool. But it's been over a decade since then, and he's still just as easy to watch.
They still haven't really moved much, even though Nagisa's upright again. That's surprisingly okay, though. He's content for the making out, if it keeps feeling as good as this. Eventually he just lets his eyes fall closed, squirming at the weirdness of the sensation of Karma's tongue dragging the entire length of his neck. Which is followed by a series of kisses that makes his legs feel like jelly, even though he does twist away slightly eventually.
"I know," he says, "no marks."
Something else stirs in his gut. "Somewhere else."
"Huh?"
He finds himself squirming. "I-I don't mind them when they're not obvious."
Karma just stares at him for a moment. "I think you actually like it you know."
Nagisa turns his head in slight embarrassment.
"You're like, half an exhibitionist or something."
By instinct he wants to reject that assessment, but maybe he's kind of right. The idea of complete public really doesn't appeal to him, but there's something about the slight danger of it, as long as there's some kind of safety net. Like walking around covered in marks that he knows are there, like some kind of secret. It's probably just a haze of endorphins making him feel this way… but he can't help it.
Karma just looks hungry. But that makes something else twist inside him, almost like a kind of guilt. Well, Nagisa's not exactly doing much here. He knows Karma's probably more than happy to just do stuff to him, but maybe they're beyond that. There's no point in gathering experience that you're not intending to use, after all.
He focuses all of his skill, right there, and launches himself into Karma's lap like a clap of lightning. "And what are you?"
Karma swallows. "Super turned on."
Honestly, there was no need to verbalise that, but it doesn't matter. When Nagisa kisses him, he returns it with equal vigour, not really fighting him for control. It's confusing, because Nagisa also likes having no control… in a really weird way he doesn't understand fully. But this, he's really started to realise he enjoys just as much. It's more like an adrenaline rush.
His hands pretty much move for him, stripping Karma of his shirt. It's a lot easier when they're not horizontal really, though it's tossed aside with even less care than usual. Not really feeling much of a pull to draw this out, his grip immediately hones in on Karma's belt buckle. It's a lot harder than he would have thought to do it without looking, but muscle memory helps him as he manages to unclasp it, working the button and zipper open as a smooth continuation, and then pulls his erection through the new opening.
Karma breaks the kiss, though, panting heavily. Considering the speed of everything, it's a good reminder for Nagisa to catch his own breath and take in the situation. Like how his own trousers are alarmingly tight. Not to mention, the rhythm of both their hearts pounding against their chests. It feels like they really haven't done much at all, but he's already hot all over.
Rather than making a move, Karma just stares at him with even more intensity than he's used to. "It's almost unbelievable."
Nagisa blinks. "What?"
He doesn't reply at first, as though he's considering how to construct his words. "The last time we were in this position… and now…"
It takes him a few moments to process. The last time they were like this was also the first time they were like this. Is it supposed to be a compliment? Of course, Nagisa had had no idea what he was doing. It's embarrassing, knowing what he does now. Well, it's only natural he'd improve. The combination of research and practical practise are lethal when it comes to learning a skill. He hasn't really done it in a while, but Karma genuinely is pretty good at explaining things, too.
"Go up on your knees," Karma clears his throat.
Not questioning it, he does just that, removing his weight from Karma's legs. It gives him the space he needs to manoeuvre his own trousers off, though it's always a little awkward in a position like this. He leaves him his underwear for the time being, maybe because it's not quite as easy to slip off as the looser trousers. If anything, they've definitely shrunk considering how frequently he's been having to wash this one specific pair.
Karma does shove his hand under the waistband, though, squeezing at least half of his ass. "You prepped yourself earlier right?"
For a question that's essentially 'did you wash out your asshole this morning?', it doesn't kill the mood too much. Nagisa just nods, though, his control of the situation wavering somewhat.
"Maybe I really should put it in your ass." He mutters.
Nagisa almost lightly moans in agreement, before he realises what he actually means, almost springing back. "You're not coming near me with that spoon. Or any other kitchen item!"
Karma laughs. "No? But there's so many options in here."
What Nagisa wasn't expecting was for Karma to practically shove him off, and get to his own feet. Huh? He can only watch in bewilderment as he adjusts himself slightly, and genuinely starts walking towards the kitchen, shimmying himself out of his own trousers as he does it. Nagisa just peers over the sofa, not even sure if he should move.
"How about this?" Karma says, brandishing a large whisk.
"No way!" Nagisa practically jumps out of his skin at the thought.
"I didn't say anything about inserting it," Karma says with false innocence. "No need to overreact."
Nagisa hates that he ends up getting up too, finding that walking like this, when he's so hard, is actually a challenge. But it's clear Karma doesn't intend on coming back to him. "You have to make food with this."
"It's called being resourceful," he claims, but then something sharpens in his eyes. "There's a lot here you know."
It's really weird, to be stood in the kitchen like this, both of them mostly naked. "No spoons."
"I just remembered your list," Karma says, something even more maddening in his look. Smoothly, he reaches behind him, taking a hold of a kitchen knife. "Hm?"
Nagisa feels some sort of sensation in his stomach, and it really feels like it shouldn't have been there. Nothing about this situation makes sense to him. By the looks of things, from what he can judge, Karma's just teasing him. As annoying as that is, he can cope with it. But the bigger question is why he's doing it now when they're already in the middle of things.
If he hadn't witnessed the amount of training Karma has with his own eyes, he might have been a little concerned with him holding that thing so close to him. "I think you like dangerous things."
Maybe he should just call his bluff.
"Do it then."
As predicted, Karma does falter. "Huh?"
Nagisa closes the distance even further. "Maybe I do like it. I don't know, I've never done something like this before. But you're supposed to be teaching me, right?" Maybe he should commit all the way. "Sensei."
Overkill. It looks like steam might start pouring out of Karma's ears. It's hard not to feel self satisfied though, enough so to mask any of the shame feelings also bubbling up. Nagisa knew he has a teacher fetish, for what ever reason. This is proof enough, right? It feels kind of wrong to be using it like this but… it's worth it somehow.
What he's not expecting is for Karma's spare hand to fly down to his wrist, trapping it against the counter with an iron hard grip. And then, with a crazed look in his eyes, he has the knife almost at his throat. It's enough to make Nagisa genuinely scared for a moment, because he's normal enough to have that kind of reaction to a stab threat. A voice tells him that Karma wouldn't actually hurt him, at least.
"You're almost too good at this," Karma says seriously, holding the pointed edge just so slightly above his skin.
He's being careful not to actually stab him, but Nagisa can most certainly feel it, like he has to be genuinely focused on keeping his breathing level. He can't budge an inch like this. It's more than a reminder that Karma's sadistic tendencies extend far further than the odd joke here or there. He looks like he's enjoying this more than anybody should. And Nagisa? Well, he's still burningly hard somehow.
Karma tuts, dragging the knife down his body, taking care not to break any skin by the time it reaches his sternum. "But now you're just getting cocky."
Now he has the ability to, Nagisa gulps. He almost wants to say something, or make a protest, maybe even fight back… but his legs have also become shaky, and when he even shifts his hand, Karma just grips him tighter, to the point it hurts a little. It's not all terror, though. There's a part of him that's even a little excited, maybe, to see what's going to happen.
Karma's head tilts. "What? Have nothing left to say now?"
He stares off to the side, as though that'll help him. "S-sorry."
He finally puts the knife down to the side, but Nagisa doesn't feel much less threatened as he's backed against the counter as far as he can physically go. "Sorry for what?"
"U-uhm…"
With his newly freed hand, Karma grabs his chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes. "That's no way to apologise," he tuts again.
"F-for teasing you," he spits out. "I won't do it again."
Karma actually smirks deviously. "Well, it's not like I mind it. But I've got to be careful. Can't have you thinking you can get away with that stuff all the time."
"Or what?"
He appears to think about it for a second, before suddenly moving. Nagisa feels a little hopeless, spun around like a ragdoll, until he opens his eyes again. Well, he didn't exactly go far, Karma just shoved him up onto the kitchen counter. He kisses him immediately after that, working his hands underneath Nagisa's underwear to shove it down completely.
Once he's done so, Nagisa finds himself wrapping his legs around Karma's torso almost instinctively, and everything feels fifty degrees hotter than usual. Perhaps it's everything that came beforehand, or the way they're physically pressed together. But he wants to be pressed into him somehow, as though that's possible.
Karma's not going easy on him, grabbing him in whatever way he wants. Thankfully, the way he wants happens to feel incredibly good. It's hard not to straight up moan into his mouth when he finally grinds against him,though honestly it feels like it's not really for his benefit. At this point, though, Nagisa feels an ache that can only means he's missing one thing.
Karma groans and pulls back from him. "Don't move an inch."
Although he knows he definitely could, if he wanted to, Nagisa does what he says. He only just barely moves his head a little, watching as Karma traverses the living space to locate his discarded trousers. He's not really sure what he's looking for, until he pulls out his wallet, digging around for only a second or two before producing two small packets.
"Always good to be prepared," he explains, before ripping open one of the packets.
It turns out to be lube, even though it's presented more like a sauce from a fast food restaurant. Nagisa's already too out of it to question why he keeps it in his wallet of all things, at least. Somehow, he doesn't even need to be told to spread his legs open a little, though Karma's eyes still darken even more than they already have.
There's something almost quite hurried in Karma's motion, smearing about half of it over his fingers before he suddenly lurches for his target. It's so sudden Nagisa doesn't even really have the chance to think about it. Though, Karma doesn't shove his fingers inside him or anything. Instead, he just spreads it around his entrance, just barely dipping his thumb in before pulling away again.
If he was teasing Karma earlier, then this is really unfair. His body feels confused, to just get a slight taste of what he wants, only for it to be taken away straight away? He can only watch slightly dazed as he rids himself of his own underwear, ripping the other packet open with his teeth before pulling the condom out and putting it on himself. All he does is quickly jerk himself with the remaining lube before he's right up against him again.
He knows it's not actually that necessary, but Nagisa's become accustomed to being fingered open as a precursor to all. It's more than a shock to the system to just have Karma's entire length pushed up against him. He practically howls as he gets it in somehow, and he doesn't even do him the courtesy of moving particularly slow. More than ever, he feels like he might be split in two like this. If it didn't also feel so satisfyingly good, it may have been the limit of what he can actually handle.
Karma only realistically gives him about two seconds to adjust, before snapping his hips roughly. And okay, he's proven his point. Nagisa ends up scrabbling for something to hold, which turns out to be his arm around Karma's shoulder. It doesn't feel like enough to offset the sensations in his body, though, no matter how hard he squeezes.
Everything's too much like this, and even though the position makes it impossible to have Karma completely inside him, he doesn't feel any less full. If Nagisa's body didn't respond to the plain burn like this, it probably would have just hurt. There's not enough time to hate how it actually feels incredible, at least, because the room is spinning as he forgets to breathe properly.
Truthfully, this kind of position is really weird. It feels like it shouldn't matter much, but it's definitely different to the sensation of a mattress beneath them. For one, the counter's surface is solid, so there's nowhere really for him to go. As a result, with the speed Karma's drilling into him, he's getting constantly smacked against it.
Surprisingly, he can't even be that loud like this, since he's too busy panting. Karma too, his breaths landing hot over his shoulder. One of his hands digs into his back, his nails creating their own sting as he digs into him. Whatever sounds do come out of him are breathy and embarrassingly desperate, yet there's nothing he can verbalise to ask for.
As if this isn't already enough, apparently that's Karma's cue to cut the speed altogether. It's almost a shock to his system, to suddenly have it so slow. It's almost like it hurts more, but in a way that he's not quite getting enough of what he needs. Karma doesn't seem like he's just taking some kind of breather, though. In fact, there's a real purpose in the look he gives him.
It's then that Nagisa's given a reminder of just how strong Karma actually is. The pace is still slow, but it's intentional and deep, really spearing into him as he's pretty much shoved down. At that point he's aware of how loud he actually is crying out at this, but he can't do anything to stop it, with every one of Karma's movements practically winding him.
"I. Haven't. Even. Touched. You," Karma says between thrusts, angled just perfectly enough that he's close to screaming each time.
He's not even sure why that matters, by the sounds of it. But then Nagisa realises what he means. Aside from some natural friction caused by how close they are, his own erection has been woefully ignored so far. Despite that, now he actually concentrates on it, he's practically weeping with precum. In fact, he feels pretty close just like this.
Now he's aware of it, it's near painful to keep going like this. Naturally, he tries to reach for himself with his hand, but then Karma smacks it away.
"You can either come like this or not at all," he speaks directly into his ear.
Considering Nagisa feels like he might die if he doesn't get off now, that's a genuine threat. It sinks deep into him, though, like a chill for his bones. Is that even possible? Sure, there's been a few times where he's gotten off from grinding against something, but this is completely different. He certainly feels close, but he knows this sensation, and it's never enough.
At least Karma speeds up again, this time with some kind of vengeance. Nagisa's response to that is a near shriek, but he's too far gone to get true enjoyment. Apparently an expert in the layout of his body by now, Karma manages to get his prostate with every shove, but it's just unbearable. Now it's there, all Nagisa wants to do is come, but he can't.
It's not exactly something that's a conscious decision! Sure, he can usually prevent it at least a little bit if he wants to, but he can't just will it to happen like this. It doesn't matter how intense the pleasure feels in the rest of his body. His eyes squeeze shut, as if that's going to help him along, but the attempt at concentration makes it even more frustrating.
With the savage pace, too, he feels like he might cry. Or beg. He's not adverse to doing that, at a time like this. But there had been something very clear in Karma's tone that told him it won't even matter. He's set on torturing him like this. Nagisa's not sure if he can even handle being left like this. Why won't he just…
Karma pulls him back by the hair, then, exposing his torso. With their relative heights, this isn't usually an option. He kisses down his chest like that, though it's hardly coordinated given the pace. Nagisa just whimpers, aware of his legs shaking beyond his control, grip around Karma's waist weakening. He seems to notice, returning to a more upright position and grabbing one of them, shoving his legs even wider apart.
There's nothing Nagisa can do to protest it. A part of him wants to just give up any kind of defiance he'd held from earlier. He can't even bring himself to mind much. At the very least, the more he buys into it, the more he finds himself slipping. It's hard to think of it as relaxation at a time like this,
"I can't," he finally gets out, his voice quaking like the rest of him. "I really can't."
Karma just hums, though, showing that that doesn't even matter.
He chokes out a sob. But just then, at that moment, he feels some waves of warmth start to creep in. It builds and builds for what feels like a solid minute or two before finally, it washes over him. He's beyond noise at that point, his mouth just hanging open and his eyes shut as he shudders in the sensation. It's different from any other orgasm, and although it feels good through the physical release, it's actually centred more internally, spreading through his whole body. It seems to go on forever, too, as Karma keeps moving through it before finally letting go himself. Nagisa's only vaguely aware of that, though, busy drowning in his own bliss.
"Nagisa," Karma says gently. "Nagisa."
At Karma's hands cupping his cheeks, Nagisa opens his eyes again. "Huh?"
He smiles. "You did good."
Nagisa burns up inside all over again. It feels so pathetic, and it's so stupid but… he can't let him go. With the last of his strength, he lurches forward, wrapping his arms around him properly in some sort of embrace. Thankfully, Karma gets the message to hold him back, and he feels like he could melt against his chest.
He's not sure how long they actually stay like that, but eventually Karma has to pull out, shifting out of his hold to right himself. Nagisa whimpers every time he moves away, but thankfully it's only a second or two at a time. Other than that, he's compliant like soft clay, any kind of resistance gone as Karma manoeuvres his limbs, wiping away what he needs to. It feels nice at least.
Being picked up knocks him out of it a little, though.
Noticing, Karma just rubs his back a little. "We need to clean up."
That sounds reasonable at least. He buries his head in Karma's shoulder, like he wants to hide there forever. He's just about aware that they're now in the bathroom, especially with the jarring sound of the shower spray. His ears are ringing, he vaguely realises. Karma pretty much has to uncurl him and set him on his feet, though he's still leaning all his weight against him.
Karma makes some sort of comment, but Nagisa's not paying enough attention. It's all he can do to try and be helpful in letting Karma clean him back up by shifting his limbs. There's some part of him that finds shame in it all, but the contentment wins out. It feels really nice to be taken care of, especially after all that.
"C'mon," Karma says, "if you're still like this you definitely need a bath. Just try not to fall asleep in there, okay?"
He stumbles trying to follow him, legs not quite working even for that small distance. Karma lifts him into the tub like it's nothing, at least, running the hot water. It feels nice on his legs, but Nagisa's most displeased with the distance between them now. The tub itself is a barrier, after all, and Nagisa wants to be pressed against him still.
"You too," he mumbles.
Karma tilts his head. "Huh? I'm right here."
With what feels like the last of Nagisa's strength, he yanks at Karma's arm. It's not like he'd ever be strong enough to actually pull him in, even as a surprise attack, but Karma sighs and follows him anyway. Except, it's a little awkward. Karma's bathtub isn't that big, and given his height it's definitely a squash with Nagisa also in there.
"We don't fit," he comments.
Nagisa sighs as the water gets to a comfortable depth. "Get a bigger one then."
Karma shoots him some kind of look, before sharply twisting Nagisa's body around. This way, he's pulled between Karma's legs, so that his back presses up against his chest. That's nice. Nagisa sighs again, relaxing back into it, slightly pleased to have gotten his way. Maybe a little too pleased. But that doesn't really matter.
Karma's arms wrap around him in some sort of embrace, resting his chin on top of his head. Nagisa could honestly fall asleep just like this. The movement of his chest every time he breathes is nothing but soothing, and all Nagisa wants to do is fall back into it even more. They don't speak like this, but somehow that doesn't even feel necessary.
Unfortunately, humans aren't aquatic and there's a clear point where they can't just sit under the water anymore.
At this point, Nagisa feels a little more with it, but Karma still has to help him to his feet, wrapping him in a towel. It's still winter, but Nagisa feels very warm like that. Consciousness more in him, he finds himself wandering back into the main area, where the evidence of their activities is more than clear. He wrinkles his nose at how much cleaning is going to be necessary. His clothes are strewn at seeming random.
Where does he even start?
"There's no reason to rush around for your things," Karma says from behind him. "It's not like I'm going to kick you out. You know that, right?"
All Nagisa can do is turn to face him and nod.
"You don't want to go out like that anyway," he says. "It's cold and your hair's wet. You might get sick."
Nagisa might have laughed, if he'd had the capacity. Instead, he finds himself searching slowly for his clothes instead. Karma just watches him do it for a bit, before seemingly going off into his own bedroom to get dressed. As always, it's pretty uncomfortable to put rough clothes on again, but he supposes it's better than sitting around naked. He can't help but wince as he attempts to sit on the sofa.
When Karma comes back, he ends up gaping a little. He's only put on some pyjama bottoms, a towel draped over his shoulders. It's ridiculous, because Nagisa literally just slept with him, and he's completely satiated, but… there's still some kind of desire there. It's so strong, in fact, that a flush grows on his cheeks.
"Water?"
Nagisa nods again, before realising he should probably try and say something. "Yes please."
It feels good for his somewhat hoarse throat, when he takes some sips from the bottle Karma hands him. After that, though, it's a slight bit awkward. The moment for, well, essentially cuddling was already over. But if Karma really means for him to stay here until his hair dries… it can't just be in silence like this, can it?
It's moments like these where the harsh reality of their situation becomes more obvious. They're not in a relationship. Karma's not his boyfriend. There has to be a line somewhere, between their friend time and their other time, and they've already crossed it. Really, Karma's already done more for him than he's really obligated to.
"Nagisa," Karma says, sounding a little tired.
"Y-yeah?"
He looks him directly in the eyes. "You're not really with it yet, are you?"
"Uhm-"
Nagisa's not expecting to be yanked again, but apparently Karma's decided that's fair game. This time, he ends up being pulled down into a lying position, his head basically on Karma's lap. Well, it's more comfortable at least. Less pressure on his butt. So maybe the line is less clear after all. It would be so easy to just fall asleep like this, especially with Karma's delicate slight strokes to his hair.
"You're okay," he says.
Nagisa tries to look up at him, straining his head just a little. "Just… a little weird still."
Karma things for a moment. "Try talking about something really normal."
"Like what?"
"I don't know… what are you doing next week?"
He has to actually think about it for a moment. "W-well it's kind of weird, actually. Each year group gets to go on a school trip for the night on Friday, in different places though. They don't need every teacher to go, and I'm one of the newest, so I just have to go in and do other kinds of work. It'll feel weird with no students there."
Karma hums. "Probably better than going on a trip with a bunch of brats right?"
He laughs lightly. "They're not that bad. But yeah, I guess that would have been stressful."
"You'd probably be good at it," he says. "Remember Cambodia? You basically shepherded us around then."
Nagisa shifts then. "What time is it?"
Karma looks around for a second. "I put my phone down somewhere."
"You can check mine," he offers, "it's in my bag."
Having to move to let him get up, Nagisa sits properly again. It's not like he said much of anything, but he does feel a little better. Though, the exhaustion really is starting to get to him. It's been a long day, on top of everything else.
Karma's tongue clicks, looking at the lock screen of his phone. "Kind of late."
He presses his lips together. Almost out of time.
"You went to Book Off?" Karma notices. "Did you get a new game?"
Right, that's usually something Nagisa would tell him about. "I got a book, actually."
"Manga?"
"No," he says, "an actual book."
Apparently curious, Karma looks in the bag. It's not like Nagisa has an issue with that, it's not like he has any private. But still, maybe it's a bit weird? Somehow, he feels a little bit like he's under scrutiny, and he doesn't know how to react to it.
"I didn't think Pride and Prejudice was your style," Karma says.
He's not offended, exactly, but feels like he should defend himself a little. "It could be."
"I don't know," Karma says pensively. "You're not really into romance, are you?"
Nagisa folds his arms. "That's not why I'm reading it. I haven't had much to focus on recently, so I figured I'd uhm… read something new."
"Wickham's an ass, right?"
Now it's his turn to question things. "Since when do you-"
"Since I had some spare credits in my degree, and 70% of the grade for the 1800s European literature class was a 100 character feedback form at the end of every lecture."
Why would it be anything other than laziness? "Right."
"Hey I had to read it in English to be fair," he justifies. "Now I know words like amiable and Michaelmas."
"Like what?"
Karma looks at him for a second. "Trust me, you don't need to know."
"W-well," Nagisa pulls himself to his feet. "Maybe I'll go home and find out."
At least he just looks amused. "Tell me how it goes."
He nods, awkwardly moving over to the front door, opening it just a crack to check the coast is clear. The last thing he hears is Karma snicker at his caution, before he darts out. After all, they did ditch a whole party. The last thing he wants to do is run into one of the guests and have to explain himself! Once he's far from the building, and the coast is clear, Nagisa flicks open his LINE app and hovers over Nakamura's contact.
Nagisa: Who's Wickham and why is he an ass?
Nakamura: Well aren't YOU up late?
Nagisa: I'm not a child you know!
Nakamura: Anyway
Nakamura: I thought you'd never ask.