"If it isn't our local hero!"

Nagisa's moved from not really spending much time in the staff room to outright avoiding it. It shouldn't be surprising, that everything ended up on the news. After all, it was a pretty significant incident. Unfortunately, this isn't his first media circus, and he knows all too well what not to say. But at least back then, the attention was spread evenly across their entire class. This attention is focused entirely on him and Karma. In fact, mostly him, because 'local school teacher saves student' is a catchier headline apparently, even though he maintains Karma did most of the actual saving.

The praise feels wrong, though. Nagisa was just doing his job, the best way he knows how to. Watanabe's empty seat reminds him of that every day. Even though she's in a much better home now… He can't say he doesn't miss her presence. Besides, no matter what, this is still awful for her. Even though her Dad lived in the end, she still lost both her parents, and the entire life she knew. That doesn't feel like something he should celebrate.

"Say, Shiota san," the headmaster drapes an arm over his shoulder. "We're thinking of bringing the end of year party forward to this week. We should celebrate you!"

He's been loving the attention on the school, naturally.

Nagisa squirms his way out. "A-actually I'm a little busy tonight, sorry."

"Ah," he waves him off, "your social calendar must be full… Well, we'll just wait until next week, then! But don't think we'll forget about this!"

He wishes he could burry his head in the sand. At least nobody's made the connection with The Kunugigaoka Incident yet. The attention from that only really died down a few years ago, and he doesn't feel like being psychoanalysed anymore than he already has been. Maybe he really should have just changed his name like his parents suggested…

Speaking of people with multiple names, he wasn't lying to his boss. To be fair, Kayano had reached out to him, asking him to meet. He hasn't seen her in what feels like an age. It's not that he doesn't want to, but he always feels guilt creep up on him. She's a super busy actress now, and he never wants to bother her. He can't say he's not relieved, though. Even though he already knew he was going to see her in just a couple of weeks anyway, he still misses her.

There's a small café, not so far from where he works. Of course, Kayano being a celebrity complicates a lot of things. He also worries about that… if her being seen hanging out with a guy would make things difficult. But she's pretty talented at disguises, and the location is inconspicuous enough that it wouldn't be anyone's first choice to investigate. That, and Kayano really likes the dessert menu.

She waves him over cheerfully when she sees him. "You might be more famous than me recently."

Nagisa sighs as he finds his seat. "I just want it to die down."

Kayano hums, playing with the rim of her water glass. "It probably will now. It's not like there's going to be many new updates, right?"

At least he can count on her to be rational from time to time. "You know much more about publicity than I do."

"It's a blessing and a curse," she jokes. "It is pretty impressive though, what happened."

His lips press together. "I guess."

Kayano smiles. "And the girl was okay?"

"I think so," he says honestly. "As okay as she can be. Seeing all of that…"

"I know," Kayano says solemnly.

And of course she does. He forgets, sometimes, with how positive Kayano can be. But she saw her own sister get speared at that age, and she didn't live to tell the tale. He just hopes the justice system will be enough for Watanabe, as opposed to physical modifications and deadly super abilities. At least he knows Kayano's fine nowadays.

"You want to talk about something," she says.

"Huh?"

A smile creeps on her face again. "You're a lot more obvious than you realise, sometimes."

Nagisa shifts in his seat. "You're… a really talented actress."

"Thank you," she says. "But I don't think you're planning on becoming one?"

This feels near painful. "Acting is… a skill. But, if I watch the dramas you're in, it doesn't feel like acting. The love interest you're with, no matter who they are, your feelings come across as so genuine. How easy is that? To fake… I mean…"

Kayano sits back properly in her seat. "Are you ready to order?"

"Huh?"

"I need sugar, if we're going to have this conversation."

Anxiety spikes in Nagisa's chest, but he ends up ordering fruit parfait. He doesn't even like fruit parfait. Maybe Kayano's right, though, and he does actually need sugar. Even if it only feels like it'll weigh him down as he digs his own grave. He really shouldn't have said anything. He's confused as it is anyway, and this isn't a weight he wanted to put on her. If she can even help. What a weird question anyway!

She takes a spoon of her pudding, a determined look on her face. "You're right," she finally says. "Acting is a skill."

"Ah," he nods.

"But," she says. "TV isn't just about the actors. There's the director who chooses the right angles and shows how he wants things to look, the editors who fix it all together in the right way, the perfect music chosen to heighten emotions… It's a lot of tricks, to convince an audience the actors are in love, but that's not what it's actually like. When you see actors portraying that, it's only an approximation. You can't compare acting on a show to a real person faking their feelings. The skill I had to learn in 3E… it was miles apart."

Somehow that only gives him more questions.

"I might not be the most helpful for this," Kayano continues, "but it would help if you told me what you're really talking about here."

He takes that's a fair point. Nagisa isn't exactly helping himself here. In fact, he feels rather helpless. Would it be so bad to open up to her? Most of this, he's just been keeping inside, tight to his chest. But with the way Sugino reacted? Nagisa physically shakes his head. Kayano's not like that, is she? At least, maybe she'd hear him out a bit more? It's not like this kind of thing is easy for Nagisa to talk about, though…

"It's quite a long story…"

She leans forwards on her elbows. "I have time."

Where does he even start? "Things have been… weird, between me and Karma recently-"

Kayano splutters at that, choking on her sip of water. Following that, she continues to cough, like she's desperately gasping for air. Is she actually choking?! Nagisa's about to stand up, but she holds a finger up, as though commanding him to stay put. Gracefully, she regains her posture, and takes another sip of water to soothe her throat.

"I think," she says, "you started in the middle of the story. What do you mean by 'weird'?"

Nagisa's face turns red. Is she really going to make him say it. "Uhm… We've been, uh, s-se… stuff. We do stuff."

Kayano stares at him. "You mean-"

"Maybe…"

"YOU WERE GAY THIS ENTIRE TIME?!"

Nagisa looks around the room nervously. "Do you really need to shout that?"

"Oh my-" she slumps back in her chair like she's had three too many highballs. "It makes sense."

"What?"

She starts laughing like she's legitimately lost her mind. "It's not like it was even subtle?"

"But-"

"I mean," she continues, "you've always attracted other guys. I thought they just weren't looking close enough, especially when you had the longer hair, but this whole time. It was the gaydar."

"The what?"

Kayano cackles some more. "I'm not even disappointed." She wheezes. "I wish you'd told me sooner. The last co-star that met you begged for your number for weeks."

Nagisa doesn't know how to process this. "I-I think you might be making a mistake."

"Huh?!" She looks almost like a wild animal now.

"I don't think I'm gay."

More than anything, she just looks confused. "Okay not that I've checked, but I'm pretty sure Karma's-"

"Yes," he hisses, really hoping nobody's still look at them. "I know that."

"Oh, I'm sure you do."

He regrets everything. "I don't know, okay? B-before this, I didn't feel this way at all. Now that I do, I realised that before… it was completely different. I could tell if someone was attractive or not… but I didn't feel any kind of pull. I think," he looks down, "if Karma were a girl, it wouldn't change anything. And it's not like I've felt this way about anyone else. So I don't know what that makes me."

Kayano's gaping at him a little. "Well," she says eventually. "I guess it doesn't have to make you anything?"

"Huh?"

She nods, like she's thinking it through. "Maybe you're just Nagisa. It's not like there's a law or anything."

The logic of it washes over him. She sounds right. It's not like anyone's forcing him to declare a side. Maybe it doesn't have to be either/or. Though… it's not completely reassuring. If he accepts that he just happens to only ever like Karma, then what does he do if… when… Would he never get to feel like this again?

"So," she looks mostly at her plate. "You and Karma?"

"I don't know," he admits. "It just kind of happened."

She thinks for a moment. "You made it seem like you're not really together, though."

"It started out that way…" Nagisa swallows.

Skirting around as many of the details as possible, he makes his best attempt to summarise what happened. Through it all, Kayano is almost completely silent. It's hard to describe it all to her, though it gets a bit easier when he gets to the more recent things. How Karma seems so set in being against relationships, but sometimes it feels like he wants to be in one.

"I see," Kayano says when he's about caught up. "Would you be okay with me punching him?"

"Absolutely not."

"He deserves it though."

Nagisa looks down. "I-I don't think so."

She grimaces. "Well," suddenly, a sharp kick hits him under the table. "I didn't say you were innocent in this either."

"Ow?"

She really does look angry. "The reason I'm angrier with Karma is he acts so high and mighty with his 'wisdom'. At least you're known to be oblivious."

Somehow he feels like he's in a lot of danger.

"Someone needs to lock you in a cupboard with some plastic swords or something."

"…why?"

"Because the only time you two actually talk is when you're fighting," she says exhaustedly. "We can arrange that, you know? The reunion is kind of planned already, but I can easily get Isogai in on it."

Nagisa takes a deep breath. "I'm not sure if that would help much."

Shoving a heaped spoon of pudding into her mouth, Kayano's eyes widen. "We haven't even talked about how you feel."

As if Nagisa even knows how to put words to that. "I feel… it's not straightforward."

"Go on."

"At first," he reasons. "It felt like how I'd imagine a crush. But… I don't know when, but it started to get heavier and heavier… and then it fell out of my hands. Now I feel like I can barely breathe if I go too long without speaking to him. Even if I see him every weekend, I still can't…"

Kayano takes a moment. "Those sound like really serious feelings, Nagisa."

He nods, coming to terms with how that sounded. "I think so."

"Then," she seems like she has something on the tip of her tongue. "You're really worried Karma might be faking it? And you feel all that?"

"I don't even know how he feels," he admits. "At first… I thought it was pretty clear, and one of us would just spit it out eventually. But it got… complicated. I don't think I should say too much, but… Karma had some past experiences. He pretty much straight up told me he's never going to want anything more. Not that I even know what this is. I don't know how it feels… when someone likes you."

Kayano laughs again. "You never change, do you?"

"Hm?"

She grows a little bit more serious, though. "Again, I don't know, but… I don't see what reason Karma would have to fake something like that. If he doesn't want a romantic relationship, I mean. If anything, I'd expect him to try and act colder than he actually feels. I think… if it seems like he likes you, then he probably does. But… that's not the hard part of this."

Nagisa shifts. "I tried to tell myself I'm okay with this, but… it keeps feeling like it's not enough?"

Kayano looks almost stoic. "So, you're the type who needs a clear relationship."

"I don't know."

"There's nothing wrong with that," she hums. "Some people need limits to make sense of things. I understand that. Sometimes… endless possibilities can feel like no possibilities. That doesn't mean it has to be black or white, but to me it seems like you want to establish that this isn't just friends with benefits."

"I can't make him want something just because of me," he affirms. "But I don't want to," he winces, "stop this, either."

She nods. "I'm not sure what advice I can give you, that'll be helpful anyway. But… you guys usually work it out eventually, right?"

Somehow that doesn't do much to reassure him. Kayano's not wrong, but it's never been as complicated as this. Their relationship has never been so impossible to define. Despite her suggestion of 'eventually', Nagisa still feels like it's pretty urgent. Nagisa can't live like this for much longer or else he'll legitimately go insane.

At the very least, it feels nice to speak to someone about this. Having his thoughts somewhere outside of his head… it makes him feel a little less heavy. One of the things that sticks out to him, though, is what she said about clear relationships. He supposes… No, he doesn't know. And apparently, Kayano's adviceless. That probably means this isn't a great situation.

She looks at the time on her phone, then, and winces. "Are you coming to the meet up?"

Nagisa looks down. "Yeah, probably."

A smile sets on Kayano's face. "We'll talk more then, okay?"

The message is clear enough. She wants an update on this. Potentially for him to make some sort of decision. He lets out a heavy sigh, though, as he watches her leave. Now that the floodgates are open… it's almost like he wants to say more. Get all of this out of him… Though, it would probably be better to actually talk to Karma for that.

Nagisa used to anticipate, but now he's hesitating.

It's not like Karma's directly inviting him or anything. In fact, it's mostly just become an assumed arrangement, he's expected to come. But still. Even that's a weird part of their relationship, isn't it? It would be nice, he thinks, to step out of that grey zone. Maybe he'd even be able to come over on different days somehow…

Nagisa's weak though, so he ends up on Karma's doorstep regardless. This time, though, he feels significantly more grounded. As much as he still wants to get his feelings out of him, it feels like a lot of things were put into perspective, and the entire situation is muddy and unclear. At least Nagisa doesn't jump him on sight. In fact, they just end up sitting silently in front of the TV, clearly not watching whatever show it is.

"Did you think about it?" Karma asks after a while.

"Hm?"

Karma sighs. "What I suggested last week."

He mentally traces back through the conversation. With everything that happened that night, Nagisa can barely remember what kicked off their argument. That Karma would actually want to bring up, at least… Even before the crisis, there had been a lot on Nagisa's mind, and a week on he's not the best rested…

"Nagisa~" Karma stretches over him, invading his personal space in a way that reminds him of a cat. "Are you gonna screw me or what?"

Karma's lucky he doesn't have a drink, because he would have spat it out. "Jufu-"

He has the nerve to bat his eyelashes. "Well?"

Oh, so he's doing this on purpose. So it turns out he's really serious? Honestly, Nagisa barely even processed the request. In another situation, he would have spent the whole week researching. Nagisa can't just… do it like this? Maybe he can try and sneak into the bathroom to Google it? That's not much time, though. And Karma may as well be in his lap at this point. Where is this even coming from.

He nods, his nerves showing. "If it's what you want…?"

Karma backs off him a bit. "Only if you also want it?"

Nagisa never actually had the chance to process this! To be honest, he can't imagine any kind of sex with Karma being bad. He just doesn't know what he's doing. If he'll be able to make Karma feel as good as he makes him feel… though the prospect of doing so… Well of course, this definitely isn't a bad situation. Karma's insanely attractive, after all.

He nods again.

For some reason, Karma kisses him like he's relieved, but it's also very gentle for him. Almost… shy? Nagisa can't help himself… he's analysing. What's got into him recently? Nagisa can't rule out straight up horniness, but… It's actually a little hard to think with Karma kissing him insistently. He hopes this is okay.

If they're doing this, doesn't Nagisa have to take more of the lead? It's not like he's never been the one to drag him off to the bedroom. Unless he wants to do it right here… it seems a little advanced, though. Nagisa presses forward with his tongue, because he can at least do this. Karma meets him back where he is, and he lets himself fall into it.

In the end, he's not fully sure who ends up leading who, but they end up backing away into the bedroom eventually. Nagisa's still presented with multiple problems, though, like what taking the lead actually entails. Should he undress him? Push him down onto the bed or something? Nagisa wouldn't even know how to follow that up without straddling him.

Should he be touching his ass more? It's just not how Nagisa usually kisses him. He's accustomed to grabbing his back or waist, if he's not hanging around his neck. But butt grabbing… this is probably the most appropriate time. It's thematic. But Nagisa's hand barely trails an inch in that direction before he ends up stopping himself out of some kind of shame. None of this bodes well. Karma would probably like it if he grabbed it too… Nagisa kind of likes it…

The front, he thinks, that's manageable no matter the context.

He lets his hands drift around his hips, and works on pulling his belt open, followed by the button of his jeans. There's good reasoning for this approach, at least. It's hard to get trousers off when they're already horizontal, and Nagisa would prefer to avoid extra complications at a time like this. Karma goes with it, moving in a way that helps them pool to the floor easy enough as he steps out of them. Right.

Nagisa doesn't mean to push, but from the way he's leaning, it ends up with Karma stumbling a little to sit on the edge of the bed. It should have made things easier, but now it's even more puzzling. At least the kissing angle is a little easier, since Nagisa has just a slight height advantage like this. Though, the actual positioning of his body is a little awkward.

Karma seems to get tired of it, because Nagisa finds himself being toppled forwards regardless, dragged hard enough onto the bed too. Except, Karma's legs are spread a little, so he's between them as opposed to straddling him. This is weird. He feels like he's being thrown in the deep end here. Just because he's experienced this from the other perspective doesn't mean he has any clue…

It's not like it feels bad, though. At the end of the day, they're still kissing, and he can do that. Karma's legs are also making him feel quite warm. Consciously or otherwise, he finds his body moving at least a little bit. It's far from an alien sensation, and yet Nagisa feels so distinctly strange. It really shouldn't matter this much, right?

Even the basic things, Nagisa feels woefully unsure of. Maybe because he's shorter, and has less arm, but bracing his weight feels completely unnatural. Is he meant to touch him somewhere else? If he doesn't, then he's not sure how this is meant to go past kissing. It's barely even bordering on making out. But how is he meant to touch him with no free hands?

He lets his lips get ever so slightly lower, to begin with. That doesn't require too much effort. Following that, he lets them trail from his jaw to his neck. Karma's breathy sighs surprise him a little. Does it feel so different to anything they've done before? Nagisa can hardly complain about hearing it, though. It gives him a small burst of motivation.

This is doomed, if he's this bad at foreplay.

Karma tilts his head back a little. "Sit up for a second."

Of course, Nagisa obeys immediately, pulling away from him. Is he under scrutiny now? Does Karma just need space for some reason? This situation is hard to read, maybe because of how ridiculous it is. He realises mostly when Karma reaches for his own belt, tugging it away. Nagisa only got as far as removing Karma's trousers, otherwise they're both completely dressed.

Rather than try and strip him, though, Karma just reaches into his underwear. Nagisa can't say he minds, suddenly caught off guard. Admittedly, he's been so lost in his thoughts he's not exactly hard… but this will do it. It doesn't escape him this is meant to be reversed, though. Did Karma just get fed up?

Even if it's just his hand, it still feels pretty incredible. Nagisa's almost boneless, when he presses into him, pulling him out properly through his fly. His eyes sink shut, sensations spreading through him. This is admittedly a lot better. What's Karma actually getting out of it, though? He feels like asking, before Karma's hand is suddenly on his sternum, and he gets pushed back onto the mattress.

So he really just gave up then.

Nagisa doesn't get much of a chance to think about it, because in a pretty fluid movement, Karma yanks everything off his lower half and bends down to take him into his mouth. Nagisa's hips jump at it immediately, but he forces himself to stay calm. This isn't something he's new too, though maybe their position is a little weird.

He's not sure why he forgets how good Karma is at this. In a sense, though, it kind of works. At least this way, he's pleasantly surprised. Karma's barely even teasing him either, simply going down on him like he has a one track mind. Of course he's powerless against it. The most he can manage is a weak hand in his hair, but he's hardly in any sort of control of this.

"K-karma," he says, "too close…"

If anything, Karma just doubles down, swallowing around him in a way that sends tingles right through to his feet. Nagisa tries, he really does, but with Karma on a mission apparently? All it takes is the flick of his tongue in a certain way, and his hips jerk up as his grits his teeth and comes surprisingly hard down Karma's throat.

He lets him go with a pop, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I wanted you to relax a little," he says, "but also… it'll last longer now."

Nagisa's ears are ringing, so he doesn't fully comprehend him. He's out of breath now. But… Karma's right. He feels a lot more relaxed now. If Karma wants him to return the favour… he's going to have to wait a second. Honestly, he has no idea how to take any of this.

"You're flushed," Karma basically caresses his cheek.

He feels his eyes narrow. He thought he was getting better at this, but it's like he's back to square one. Clearly. Something like this shouldn't make him flushed.

Nagisa's not sure how that pulls him together, but he's not going out half assed. He twists, grabbing Karma's wrist as he pins him down again. Though… he's still not sure what goes next, now that they're here. Karma looks at least a little surprised, eyes wide in what could be minor alarm. But he's back between his legs again, so he kisses him, trying to ignore the new taste there.

Now that he just lets himself feel it, he finds his hand creeping its way down Karma's chest. His fingers loop under the hem of his jumper, and before he knows it he's tugging. Admittedly… it doesn't quite go off without a hitch. The clothing article ends up getting stuck around Karma's head, causing quite a bit of fumbling, and now Karma's hair is even more messed up.

He looks funny like this.

It comes off, somehow, and now he's shirtless. Nagisa really does like it when he's shirtless… He leans back, stripping off the remainder of his own clothes because it feels kind of weird otherwise. Now it's just Karma in his underwear, but… one step at a time. Besides, it's weird, but there's something a little thrilling in the way he can see him straining against the fabric.

So, what's Nagisa's plan?

It's not like it takes him super long or anything, but he can't get it back up again this fast. Even though there's some sort of stirring internally… Whenever they've done this before, everything just flowed together. Or at least, that's how he remembers it. So when it comes to something like foreplay, he's a little lost on what it fully entails.

Karma uses his fingers, sometimes. He remembers him saying it wasn't always necessary, though. He supposes there was that time with the vibrator… Maybe he could go get it? It doesn't seem like the situation for that, though. Karma can do whatever he wants with the sex toys in his own time. In fact, does he? He has them here… That's a fun image he's going to have to remind himself of later.

Okay, that's a good step one at least. Fingers. It occurs to him that absolutely involves ass touching. But first, lube. Even Karma looks at him in question, when he lurches to go looking for it. Where is it usually, again? Karma seems to just materialise it in times of need. They're kind of in the middle of something, so he attempts to just feel around for it, but whatever he's touching feels kind of weird.

"Other side," Karma says, his voice low.

Right.

Nagisa's hand shakes around the object for a moment. Somehow this is worse than the time Karma wanted to watch him. But he can do this, right? He reconsiders the situation. No use getting lube all over his hands right away. That'll make things even more difficult. Karma still has his boxers on, for one.

Putting the tube down, he places his hands on Karma's stomach. Okay, maybe that's a bit weird, like he's giving him a doctor exam or something. Is it tender here? Haha… Nagisa certainly hopes he didn't say that one out loud, because Karma's looking at him a little weird. That could also be because he hasn't actually done anything, though.

Nagisa can at least take his underwear off, though. Or at least he thinks.

In fact, he's so distracted by completing that task that he doesn't really register the fact that he's naked now. That's neither here nor there. He turns his body a little, picking up the lube again because he's not sure what else to do. Meanwhile, Karma contorts weirdly as he grabs one of the pillows from the other side of the bed, changing his position to get it under him.

"What are you doing?"

"Making your life easier," he says, adjusting the pillow under his hips so they're raised. "Unless you want me to turn over."

Nagisa definitely can't handle the concept of Karma shoving his ass in his face on his hands and knees. Whether it would be too hot, or just too weird, he's not sure… but no. Speaking of his ass… it is pretty nice. Nagisa just doesn't look at it much. Not really. He glimpses, every now and then, but it's not like he's scrutinised it.

Well, he has to deal with the ass touching now, doesn't he?

Admittedly, Nagisa hasn't seen many (if any) people's butts from this angle. He's slightly intimidated that he can't exactly see his… though maybe that would be weird? Does he just spread it or something? He's pretty distracted when he's on the receiving end of this, which he regrets because maybe he could remember a little more.

He ends up going for his semi. At least he can't mess that up, and it's the general area. Karma doesn't seem to mind, letting out a short breath. It's not like Nagisa doesn't know what he likes. In fact, he should be pretty confident about that, by all means. He's just being uncoordinated. He lets his other hand rest on his inner thigh, enjoying the slight twitchy feeing that comes from it.

Rather than just give him a half hearted hand job for some period of time, Nagisa decides he has to just go for it. With caution, he lets his free hand run upwards, tracing its way underneath. And there. There he is. He has his hand on Karma's ass and it didn't burst into flames. That right there feels like an accomplishment.

Huh. It's firm, actually. Nagisa's not sure what he expected, but… Well, Karma's pretty much muscular all over, so it makes sense. But given the size… he could probably use this as a weapon. Not that hitting people ass first is a particularly graceful way to fight someone. But if, hypothetically, it happened… it would probably hurt a lot. He's kind of thankful he doesn't want to ride him.

Karma's looking at him, though. "You okay?"

"Right," Nagisa realises that he's just been squeezing it for however long. "Sorry!"

At least he looks amused?

Admittedly, he panics a little, because he's committed now. He has to make a decision on what to hold, and the ass part is definitely more important right now. Intentionally or not, he may still be squeezing a tiny bit as he searches around for wherever he dropped the lube, finally brandishing it like a prize. Unfortunately, he has to let his butt go too, just to get it open and coat his dominant hand.

Karma catches his wrist before he can come near him, though. "Warm it with your fingers first."

That's definitely worth remembering. Nagisa does his best, though he's not sure about the science behind rubbing the gloopy substance around at seemingly random. The only experience he has is when Karma wanted to watch him do it to himself. He's going to give it his best shot, but… he swallows hard. Now or never.

The positioning feels weirdly complicated. It's like he has to weigh up being contorted really awkwardly, and visibility in general. He's thankful for the pillow now, because he has no idea how else he would have accessed it? Karma seems to manage it every other time though. The lube only gives him a limited amount of time, at least, so he has to make a decision.

He goes for the ass cheek again, pulling it back slightly, and makes a blind reach with his other hand. From balls backwards, he decides, he can't go wrong. It's only a second or two before, yes, texture difference. Heat. He adds pressure with his index finger, mostly to make sure, and he feels some sort of muscle tension. The actual forcefulness of it is a little surprising, like he's being pressed back at.

Karma sighs, when he essentially rubs around it. That's good, maybe? It's a step up from a heavy breath. It's almost like he can feel more movement there as well? Anticipation? He's not sure, but he finally lets himself push in a little, really having to put a bit of strength behind it. At least the lube makes it a little easier, he can only imagine how difficult it would be with natural friction to contend with.

Tight. That's probably what takes him the most by surprise. He hasn't even got it the whole way in, but he's so tight. Almost suffocating. And if it feels like that just with one finger… He's not sure if that makes him slightly turned on or terrified. Maybe both? At the very least, Nagisa knows he can be considerate, so he gives him what he thinks is enough adjustment time before pushing further, until eventually he can't go any further.

It's time to take in the situation again. He has a finger in Karma. Karma in general… he has his eyes closed now. There don't seem to be signs of pain, though there's not much of a good sign either. Not only is it very tight, he's also crazy hot. Realistically, Nagisa knows intimately that it's not going to feel incredible just like this. Though… recently it's been taking less and less time for him. It was only really the first time he felt something like this it took him so long to wrap his head around. Maybe it's been a while, but Karma's definitely at least a little used to this.

The logical conclusion is therefore that he can probably do a little more, right? From the way he can feel clenching around him… maybe? He attempts to concentrate. What would he want, if their roles were reversed? Probably not what he's doing right now, which turns out to be some sort of circling motion. He thinks… he probably likes the in and out a lot more, unless it's against that spot.

The spot.

For some reason it feels like it's going to solve all of Nagisa's problems. Though, there's some logical issues too. Positioning? He attempts to angle his finger a bit more, but it means he has to twist his wrist and it's not the most comfortable. Also, he can't help but think it's a bit weird if he just… gropes around with his finger like this. It needs to be a combination.

He starts with small shifts, before they eventually grow and he's sort of pumping it in and out. It makes searching around pretty difficult, but at least if he just tries to find the right angle? He doesn't even know. And then Nagisa realises that he's not really being attentive with his concentration so focused in like this.

It's hard to keep the motion up, but he tries to get a look at the situation. Karma's eyes are still closed, and he's not really doing much. He's still hard at least, so it probably doesn't feel terrible, but… It doesn't feel good enough. Especially if he apparently likes this? There's probably some motion or something that would help, right?

"Karma?"

He peels an eye open. "Hm?"

Is he bored? Meditating? Nagisa bites down on his lip. "Is it… okay?"

Karma looks at him properly. "Add another. You won't break me."

It takes him aback, a little, like that's probably the least helpful option. Still, Nagisa's fingers aren't exactly thick… He goes with it, at least, pulling out completely to add more lube first. This time, unsurprisingly, there's a little more resistance. Nagisa has to trust himself, though. There's something about what Karma just said that makes him a little nervous. What about breaking him?

As a natural consequence, his breathing starts to become heavier. Slowly, he pushes the fingers in further again, until they're eventually at their hilt. If anything it's even tighter, now, but there's more capacity for… stuff. And then Nagisa thinks, now the hard bit is over, he doesn't really need to be holding him anymore. He knows this kind of thing feels better with a distraction.

Karma appears to agree, when Nagisa wraps the hand around his erection again. It's a bit like trying to pat his head and rub his stomach, where the motions don't line up too well, but at least it's something. His breathing is heavier. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be much he can do about the prostate search. Try as he might, he's just not sure he has the right angle here. In lieu of that, he lets the fingers speed up a bit, and the resistance is dropping at least a little.

He looks kind of… pretty isn't the right word, but it's something to that effect. Like this, his features aren't so tense, and his muscles aren't flexed from bracing above him. It's not like the only time he's seen him vaguely like this, but… Nagisa thinks he likes it. If his mind wasn't racing so much… No, even now, it's definitely causing some natural heat to crawl down his body.

It almost feels like it shouldn't be happening like this. He's surprised he's even managing to get hard again, with how much he's definitely not relaxing. Maybe that's just how effective Karma is at this point. He causes Nagisa's body to rebel against every other piece of logic. And it's not like he doesn't want him, it's just… he's really not sure it's going to be good.

It's kind painful at this point, though.

He winces, trying to breathe as he thinks about the words. "C-can I…?"

Karma opens his eyes again. "Go for it."

Just like that? Nagisa processes it for a minute, before he pulls the fingers out. Now what? Condom? Logically, that's next to where the lube was, right? Karma just seems to materialise them sometimes. He really should have paid more attention this entire time… He slips a little, trying to find his balance again as he leans over.

"I'm cool with it," Karma suddenly says, "if you want to go without."

Nagisa freezes.

Is that… really okay? Sure, it happened, but that was only because they didn't have the choice. They'd established that it was okay with safety, he supposes. Is this just what happens? Once the condoms go they go forever? Maybe that makes sense? It would certainly be cheaper… But the mess, right? Nagisa had been out of it, but he was aware enough at the time to know the aftereffects weren't exactly fun. Even though it did feel good… He also knows that Karma definitely hasn't done this before. It feels wrong that the realisation stirs him, but…

If this is what he wants…

Nagisa fumbles, admittedly. Even though it's a process with only a few steps. He gets hold of the lube, probably squirting a bit too much onto his hand before covering himself with it and – ouch, okay, he gets why Karma told him to warm it up. Not that it matters. He can barely touch himself without feeling close to the edge suddenly. That doesn't bode well.

If the fingering thing was hard, then this feels even more like Tetris meets extreme sports. Logically, he can't just put it up against him and hope for the best. Unfortunately for him, though, the alternatives don't seem much better. He tries, with one hand at least, to grab his ass again. If anything, this is where he needs the visuals. With the other, he holds himself, deciding it's probably better here to be precise. Like threading a needle.

When he can't go any further forward, he tries his best to line up. He has to be a little more aggressive with the ass grabbing but then there it is. He can finally see his entrance clearly. All of the blood in his body seems to pool down to his legs, a tight knot binding itself in his stomach. It's enough to mostly drown out his freaking out. It's the same story with himself, too, when he runs out of room eventually.

Like that, he presses, and he has to bite down on his lip so hard it almost bleeds. Just feeling him pulse against him, it's enough to drive him to insanity. But it's not going to just go in, not like this at least. Considering he had to put a little force behind just his fingers… He grips himself, and uses the strength of his arm. Of course there's resistance, and even that feels like he's going to explode. He tries holding him even harder with the other hand, almost pulling him towards him, and tries again. It feels like it's not going to fit, not without hurting him or something. He takes a deep breath, though, and pushes once more.

Nagisa's brain pretty much implodes then and there. It's literally only the tip, and he knows it'll just come out again if he lets himself go at this point, but that doesn't seem to matter because he might actually die. If he thought it was tight and hot around his fingers… It's like his mouth times ten. It also takes Nagisa every single shred of his willpower to not just go further.

It is, though, very much a losing battle. It's almost like he's being sucked in. He forgets how to breathe, at this point, just doing his very best to at least slow it down as much as it feels possible. It doesn't help that the explosive feeling keeps happening with every bit of him that ends up sheathed. He runs out of room for his hand, eventually, and instead he has to desperately reach out for a bit of mattress to brace himself with, finally hunched over Karma's body when he can't go any further.

He feels… so warm.

It's strange, because he's used to feeling things with his whole body, where this is far more centralised. It's already too intense and he hasn't even moved yet. Maybe it's not too late to grab one of the condoms? Like that'll make it more bearable. He's not sure, but it's a miracle he hasn't straight up lost it already. Staying still like this is like torture, too, but the idea of moving is too much. And then there's the pulsing around him.

"Hey, Nagisa…"

He hears him, but his eyes are clenched shut. "Don move," It comes out like a slur.

Karma laughs, then, jiggling in his body in a way that makes everything worse. "What's wrong, Nagisa~? Don't you feel good?"

He glares at him in annoyance, but that's a big mistake. Oh no. Now his throat's dry. Karma's still being Karma… but he looks difference. Maybe because everything's blurry right now. But… his hair's all fanned out, like a red halo. His eyes look bigger than usual, open and shiny, even though his gaze is a little half lidded. And his lips… they're parted just a little bit, letting out some short but heavy breaths. There's a flush all over his chest, too, creeping up his neck all the way to his cheeks.

Nagisa's never wanted anything more in his life, which is ironic considering he's already literally in him already.

And because Karma's a sadist, he apparently decides to squeeze around him in a way that Nagisa just knows is purposeful, and it almost makes him scream. It's already hard enough to keep himself upright. There's challenge in his eyes. Is he going to keep this up just to torture him? Is that why he wanted to do this in the first place?

He won't go down without a fight, at least, and tries what at least feels like a natural shove as hard as he can manage. Somehow, it does the job, and Karma's eyes widen with legitimate surprise as a moan spills from him. It's not like he's ever intentionally quiet in bed, but this feels different. It's so much lighter, even with a higher, ringing pitch. Nagisa's desperate to hear it again.

As it turns out, it's incredibly hard to stop now he's started, and his body seems to have a mind of its own. At least he's pretty confident he's not hurting him. That one bit of consciousness stripped away, it feels like there's not a lot he can do. It's like some kind of latent instinct, and all he can do is drive in and out, the friction of Karma's internal walls set to blow his mind.

"Too fast," Karma says, grabbing his hips. "I'm not going anywhere."

He's dazed, almost drunk feeling. If Karma wasn't so strong, he might not have been able to pay attention. Something, thankfully, knocks him out of it. Right. It's just the amount of guilt he needs for his sanity. It's not exactly polite to just go at it like this, he does know that. Besides, he's only thinking about himself here, isn't he?

"Here," Karma attempts to show him, "take your time."

He rocks his hips, much more purposely, and Nagisa feels like he might die again. Despite that, though, he thinks he understands. He needs to calm down. He has to use all of his focus, but he tries to mimic it on his own, moving a lot more deliberately. It feels like he's going to burn, but he thinks he's managing it, and the way Karma sighs and lets go of him.

Nagisa's never been particularly talented with something like rhythm. He used to play the trumpet, as well as a preteen can, but that's about where it ended. Even something as basic as dancing goes completely over his head. So, it's pretty much inevitable that he's going to lose count of anything steady at a time like this, especially with the sensations overwhelming him. He needs something to distract him, maybe.

Like an old friend, it creeps into his head. Pike, scallop, herring… When he needs it the most, here it is, haunting him. Fish fish fish. Karma would never forgive him if he found out that Nagisa's thinking about fish at a time like this. It's actually doing the job, though. Nothing could stop him from feeling good right now, but thinking about the fish song is just enough to bring him back to a remotely more neutral position. Just as long as he doesn't say anything out loud.

Garfish, shrimp, octopus. It's working, but then Nagisa realises that he might have started moving at the tempo of the song. Is that better than before? Tuna, salmon roe, conger eel, striped jack… Just as long as he drops it before the end, right?

Nagisa's probably never going to be able to eat sushi again after this, but somehow it feels worth it.

Karma even groans, next, and he feels a burst of pride rush through him. He's a little more capable, at this point, of taking more things in. The way that Karma's legs brush around his hips, for example. That alone… He can't help but want to see more of him. As nice as his face is to look at…

It feels a little advanced, but he goes with it, uses all of his core muscles to pull himself more upright. Now, he's almost standing on his knees, but he has free hands now. Karma looks up at him, a mixture of expectant and potentially a little confused. It feels natural to place a hand on the subtle curve of his waist, if only to balance himself.

Looking at him like this is interesting, though. Nagisa finds himself almost entranced by the tensing of his stomach muscles, his other hand raking down them before he can stop himself. Speaking of muscular, though, Nagisa remembers his earlier discovery. Both hands slide their way down and around, gripping his ass. It's a little hard to worry about touching it at this point.

As expected, the flexing of the muscles there… it makes him feel something like hungry. He's not sure what exactly possesses him, but he uses all of his strength to essentially pull him back with him. He's rewarded with that 'caught off guard' moan again, and it crawls up him like a fire. Arabesque greenling, short-necked clam, bonito.

He understands why this is different to before. He can do it harder like this, but it's okay when it's not aimless. And apparently, Karma seems to like it like this, given the way he arches his back up, and one of his hands seems to grasp at the sheets.

"Harder," he breathes out. "C'mon."

Nagisa's seriously panting with exception at this point, but he does it, as hard as he thinks he physically can at this point. It results in a harsh smacking noise between their bodies, but it's hard to tell with the breathing. And then there's a string of noises coming from Karma that he could honestly play on repeat for days.

"Close," he somehow gets out of himself, though words are extremely hard. He doesn't want it to be over yet, though.

"S'okay," Karma responds, and then reaches to wrap a hand around himself.

A part of him wants to bat it away and do it himself, but Nagisa knows that's probably above his current ability. He keeps going, but something makes him hesitate. It still feels like they're a little apart right now. And… he can't help but continue to look at him. Maybe it really is selfish, but somehow Nagisa doesn't want to do it like this.

He lets himself fall forward again, where he may as well be lying on him. But he likes this… it's so much closer. Nagisa wants to kiss him so badly… he's not convinced it'll go well, though. He makes his peace with presses his lips against his neck, essentially sucking on his pulse. Maybe he slows down a little, too, but it feels more right.

He shifts himself slightly, in an attempt to be closer still, and Karma clamps down around him with his legs and free arm like a vice.

"There," he sounds so desperate. "There. Don't you dare move."

Nagisa wants to live, so he doesn't move. Not much at least. He makes his best attempt at a grinding motion, without changing the position of anything else. He feels the shaking in Karma's legs, and then the equally shaky whining. He really must be pretty sensitive. He only wraps himself tighter.

To be honest, Nagisa's not sure he actually can move much anymore. Karma's legs are actually pretty heavy, and they're weighing down his back like this. It's not like he has the capacity to care, though. It's like he can sense every part of it all with him. He experiments a little, finding that slow, circular movements are actually the way to go, so long as he stays nudged up against his prostate like this. A little hard with some of the thrashing, but he tries.

He lets go of his back with his arm, then, flinging it uselessly somewhere next to them. At least it gives Nagisa a little more room, sacrificing the heat of his body to look at him some more. He's just so full of awe. He's not sure he's ever seen Karma lose it to this extent before, and it strikes him that he loves it. He wants to see this expression on him forever.

He doesn't just like Karma. He loves him.

At about the same moment, Karma suddenly seizes, almost looking alarmed before his back seems to snap up, and Nagisa feels this spasming around him. Somehow, he gets the message to speed up through it, not particularly fazed by the splash of warm come hitting his stomach. He's not sure exactly what Karma's crying out, maybe his name or just something else incomprehensible, but it hits him. That, and with the way his muscles are fluttering around him, make it physically impossible to hold himself back any longer. It's a miracle he lasted so long in the first place.

He mentally apologies, because he can't control his hips anymore, essentially driving into him with every ounce of energy he has. Whatever noises he makes get buried into Karma's neck, and he holds him as tight as he can. Karma seems to let out another whimper at the sensation, as he spills and spills into him until there's something left.

Then, it's just the beating of their hearts and the sound of their breathing.

Nagisa feels so sensitive it hurts, but he doesn't want to pull out of him. Like any sort of separation at this point could kill him. He's not sure how long it actually is, but he doesn't really get much of a choice in the matter as he softens and slips out anyway. He's certainly not moving anywhere, though.

Well, he takes the opportunity to drag himself further up the bed slightly, shifting so he's not lying directly on top of Karma's chest, and finally they're kissing again properly. It feels more necessary than anything else, his hands tight in Karma's hair and unwilling to let go. In other words, the whole thing turned out marginally better than his original expectation.

There's a part of him, as he slowly comes back down, that's aware of the situation. He suddenly feels so tired, like he can't do anything except sleep, but he knows that's not how it goes. Karma always checks if he's okay, after this. He helps him clean up, at least, offers him water… That feels like part of it.

He tries to shift out, but Karma grabs him right back. "No."

"Shouldn't we clean up?"

"Don't care."

He's probably going to care, in the morning, but that's his problem if he doesn't want to do anything about it. Maybe Nagisa should be firmer. But… thinking about it… if this is what Karma needs right now, he can't say no to it. Maybe it's what he needs too. Even if they're not kissing, he likes the way Karma's snaked around him, how he keens subtly when he strokes against his arm.

It's not helping the heaviness of Nagisa's eyes, though. Every moment he swears that he should do something, at least, Karma just curls into him tighter, and it makes his heart sing. Eventually, he lets them fall closed properly, and Karma's soft breaths take on the form of a lullaby. There's not a lot that he thinks could make him move at all at this point.

Not even the subtle seed of dread that takes root in his chest, just moments before he finally falls asleep.