August 3, 2003
As far as the end of the world goes, things have been going pretty well. We've been staying in the RV for a couple weeks. We have shelter, food, and most importantly, company. I can't help but feel guilty that others around the world are having their lives uprooted. So many people lost their entire families, yet I have everyone I care about within a twenty feet radius at all times.
So far we haven't had to deal with too many lurkers at once. The countryside was pretty empty people-wise before shit hit the fan. Because of this, not many lurkers have wandered this far out. There's been a few stragglers, so everyone has gotten a bit of practice with dealing with them.
The food supply is beginning to slowly dwindle. My dad made the executive decision that we should seek out new supplies before we completely run out. Everyone agreed that his idea was a pretty reasonable one. Pete drove the RV several miles away from our previous campsite, while my dad found what appeared to be a nearby logging factory. Pete and Martha offered to hold down the fort, so the rest of us gathered our bearings and headed off.
Nick and Luke walk a few dozen feet in front of my parents and I. From here I can see them goofing around with each other like we're in middle school again. A smile appears on my face; I love to see them so happy.
"You know your mother and I were talking..." my dad says, bringing me out of my focus on the men in front of us.
"About what?"
"Well, I imagine most people have lost at least someone close to them. It seems we got pretty lucky, you know, with all of us still around," my dad starts.
I train my eyes on my shoes as they kick up dirt. I wish he wouldn't bring it up because I already feel terrible about it. I respond, "Yeah, I feel so guilty about it."
"Don't feel guilty about it," my mom chimes in. "I mean I think this is a good thing."
Nick turns around and flashes me a smile. Our eyes lock for a split moment while I smile back. The moment ends when Luke notices the connection between Nick and I and gives Nick a weird look. Nick faces forward again and they continue with their banter.
I go back to talking to my parents. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Of course I think it's a good thing. I just feel a little bad that everyone else is suffering, while all of us are cooped up in our RV listening to Dad and Pete quarrel over poker."
My mom rolls her eyes. "Well that's a different form of suffering."
My father looks at her with imitation hurt in his eyes. "Bethany, I thought you were on my side. I should've won fair and square!"
"Dad, you tried to invent your own rules halfway through the game. Just admit that Pete is better than you."
My dad looks to my mom for support but she only nods in agreement. "She's right, Pat."
"At least Luke is on my side," he grumbles.
I scoff. "Of course Luke is on your side. He sucks at poker too."
My dad scowls and looks like he wants to say something but falls short. Instead he changes the subject, "So… let's get back to what we wanted to talk to you about."
"So anyway," my mom speaks after stifling a light laugh. "As weird as it seems, your father and I were disheartened at the beginning of all this because we thought we'd lost the chance to see our children grow up and eventually settle down."
I glance between them with furrowed brows. The gears in my brain are turning-trying so desperately to figure out where they're going with this conversation-but I come up empty.
My mom continues, "Well, we're just happy that we may still get the chance to see that."
"I'm lost," I say. "I tried but I really don't know what you guys are talking about."
My mom focuses her eyes on me and then focuses them on Nick.
"Jesus. Are you guys infected or something?" I try to touch my hand to both of their foreheads to check their temperature, but they shrug me away.
"You two have always seemed close and you seem especially… flirtatious the past couple weeks. All we're saying is maybe it's time to give it a chance."
"Well that's real nice of you to say, Dad, but I think your eldest child would spontaneously combust if that were to ever happen," I tell my dad with a roll of my eyes. Of course I would love to be with Nick, especially now that society is no more. Luke would absolutely lose his mind if it were to happen, so it would be idiotic to try.
My mom flashes me a smile. "Don't worry about Luke; he'll come around eventually."
I start to express my doubt to my mother, but Luke shouts to us that we have arrived at the factory. The factory stands in a clearing in the woods. It's very large, with plain gray walls that reach higher than the top of the trees. There's several loading bays that feature steel sliding doors. In front of the loading bays are several transport trucks and a plethora of thick tree trunks.
Luke and my dad siphon leftover fuel from the trucks while the rest of us keep watch. For an area that was once inhabited by hundreds of workers, it is unusually calm. In all the time it takes for the trucks to be siphoned not a single lurker makes an appearance, which makes me feel uneasy.
My dad and Luke finish and urge the rest of us inside. The main interior of the factory is a vast open area, with smaller doors lining the walls. The machinery that dominates the floor space of the factory is useless to us, as are the logs that are far too big to transport. We travel to the employee break area. Searching through the lockers, we find a fair amount of leftover non-perishables and put them in our backpacks.
Everyone else seems in high spirits at finding an ultimately untouched location, but something just doesn't feel right to me. The building wasn't locked when we arrived, so I find it hard to believe that this building would be completely void of the undead.
"Do you hear that?" Nick asks, which prompts Luke to stop in his efforts to open the door to an office area.
No one answers, but we turn toward the noise that we all hear. From one of the unexplored doors nearby comes a noise that starts off faint and soon grows louder. The door is labelled basement, and it begins to buckle from the force being pressed against it.
Before we can make our escape, the door flies open to expose more lurkers than any of us have seen at one time. They quickly block the route to the front door, so we run toward the back exit. Unluckily for us, the door won't budge. The hoards of the dead occupy nearly the entirety of the building. I accept that this is the end of the line for us, but my dad smashes a window that leads to a room on the outer portion of the building. Everyone pushes me to go through first, which results in a shard of glasses creating a small slice on my calf. I see the slight trickle of blood, but due to the adrenalin of the situation I feel no pain. Luke and Nick safely make their way through the window. We yell for my parents to get to safety. They attempt to grab the window frame, but teeth sink into their necks.
Time starts to appear slowed. To my side, Luke is in a panic with his hands in his hair as he spews a line of unintelligible words. The horrid screams of my parents are all I can hear. Their faces contort in a permanent scream as lurkers bite various parts of their bodies. Their eyes lock onto mine, and I wait in horror until a bullet hole appears in the dead center of both of their foreheads. Their screams finally silence.
In a state of terror I search for the perpetrator of the shots. I slowly look down at my own hands, only to see them shaking profusely and brandishing a gun.
I killed my parents.
"What did I do?" I turn to Nick who is beside me and looking at me with wide eyes.
My hearing fades out for the most part, and my vision blurs. I look desperately toward Nick again and yell this time, although I can barely hear myself. "Nick, what did I do!?"
Before he can answer, the world turns black and I fall forward.
I awake to the feeling of the RV in motion and fuzziness against my leg. The feeling is nearly peaceful, until I recall what happened the last time I was awake. My emotions take over and I let out a hair-raising scream followed by uncontrollable sobs. Blinker, in shock, jumps off of the bed. My body folds as I cry in emotional agony. Nick, Luke, and Martha race to my side, with Nick making it to me first. He kneels in front of the bed, and I launch myself into him, wrapping my arms and legs around him pitifully.
"I… killed… them!" I scream as he cradles my head and legs like a toddler. In any normal situation a grown woman in this position would be embarrassing, but I can't help but be overcome by the sheer disgust and depression that consumes me.
He holds me for a while, while the RV stops its motion. I eventually release myself from his grip and my back falls against the side of the bed. I view the others through my tears; each and every one of them also has tears in their eyes.
After sitting in a painful silence I speak words that put a sour taste in my mouth, "I killed my parents. How could I do that? Their screams of pain… I just couldn't handle it… I just wanted it to stop. God, what did I do?"
Luke keeps his eyes trained on the floor. "You put them out of their misery. You did the right thing. You did what I couldn't do."
His words make me realize that maybe I did do the right thing by putting them out of their misery. I still feel complete agony at my choice, and I will likely carry this baggage with me for my entire life. Sometimes the right decisions carry the most anguish.
"How did we make it out of there anyway?" I had passed out in a room that was about to be infiltrated by lurkers. I truly have no idea how the three of us made it out.
Luke says, "It was all Nick. I was a fucking panicked mess. You passed out and I couldn't even begin to think of a plan. He just grabbed you and dragged me out of there. If it weren't for him we'd honestly probably be dead."
Pete squeezes Nick's shoulders, and Martha gives him a smile through her tears. I try to look at him to show my appreciation. Instead, I instantly burst into tears. I know eventually I will feel at peace, but tonight all I can feel is despair located deep within my chest.