He can't believe he's in love with Karma.

How could be so stupid? So blind? So overly confident that he wouldn't get attached?

That is, even, if he didn't straight up already feel this way before he even touched him. It feels far less like he fell in love with him, and more like he was just forced to comprehend something that was already deeply buried within him. How long has it even been? A year? Since university? Sometime during 3E? Maybe even before that…

It's not just a crush. It never was. Catching feelings wouldn't have been weird. Even if things had gone south, maybe Karma would have spared him. He's basically his first everything, so it wouldn't be completely left field. Sure, it would have been awkward when he found out, and maybe he'd find distance between them, but there would have been some hope of getting over it eventually.

There's no coming back from this, though.

Nagisa's not sure how long he slept for, only that he woke up only a little before the sunrise. He hasn't been able to bring himself to move since then, partially because Karma's half on top of him. The idea of leaving him makes him ache, though. And this has been his only thought the entire morning, this panic growing and growing in his mind.

It's all his own fault, too. He knew he shouldn't have kept sleeping with him, when he was even remotely aware that he had any kind of feelings at all. But no, he just went and made it worse for himself. It feels like taking advantage, letting himself pretend and live a reality that wasn't even there. The worst part about it is this isn't just about him.

He can never know anything for certain, with Karma, but whether he likes him romantically to some kind of extent or not, he knows that somehow he means a lot to him. Anything he does now is going to end up hurting him too. And again, that's all Nagisa's fault, and it's tearing him to shreds because he loves him.

They have nowhere to go from here, now. And Nagisa even thinks… maybe it's better to just keep his mouth shut. They can't keep doing this, but maybe what Karma doesn't know will only end up hurting him more…

He's still so tired.

When Karma finally yawns, twisting slightly in a sign of being awake, Nagisa feels like crying. It's easy enough to freak out beside asleep Karma, who can't respond much. Awake Karma is a completely different story. And Nagisa's scared, because there's every chance that anything he says will destroy his will power.

"Hi," is all he says, but it still makes Nagisa's chest feel like it's exploding.

He takes a moment to clear his throat. "Hi."

Karma pulls him closer. "What time is it?"

His eyes skirt around the room, looking for something with the time. His phone was left in his coat. To his side, though, on the closest table, he catches a glimpse of Karma's. He taps the power button, not really needing to unlock it.

"Almost eight," he says.

Karma groans, pulling the covers over his head. "Too early."

Despite everything, it makes Nagisa smile. "You still hate mornings."

"I have to get up so early nowadays," he complains, "the weekend is the only chance."

"You can go back to sleep," he says.

He shakes his head. "I'm awake now," he twists a little, "and… it feels kind of gross."

There's a part of Nagisa that wants to say 'I told you so', but he holds it in. There's another part of him that feels… unsettlingly hot at the thought of him being marked somehow, but he bites it down. Even when he sees the possessive hickeys on his neck. There's no way he's hiding that under a shirt, either…

Karma flops back down. "Wanna take a shower?"

Say no. "Sure."

There's nothing that bad about just being naked. As long as they don't do anything sexual. That's kind of hard, since he's incredibly attracted to Karma, and Karma's apparently handsy in the mornings. He rolls out of bed like it's painful, and Nagisa can't help but stare. His ass looks even better in the morning light. Nagisa can hardly believe that he was there not so long ago. He can almost feel it still.

No.

No! No no no no no.

"Are you coming?" Karma looks over his shoulder. Who gave him the right to sway his hips like that?

He would, but apparently he's developed a delayed morning wood. Ugh. He bunches the covers up around him and nods, though he doesn't truly believe it. Think unsexy thoughts. Do not think about Karma's ass. Do not think about going anywhere near that ass. He's not fully sure why, but the 'least sexy thing' he can think of is apparently a mental summary of The Minions Movie. Nagisa wasn't aware he'd even seen that movie, but apparently he has all the key plot beats tucked away somewhere in his brain.

Thankfully, it does the trick, but he's going to have to be careful.

Eyes above shoulders only.

He steps into the shower, chin raised up. Unfortunately, Karma has a soft smile on his face, and beams as he lathers a handful of shampoo into his hair. His hand feels so nice on his scalp… Think about the minions! The minions! Things start to get weird, when he wonders what Karma would look like as a minion, but that's about enough to get him through it.

"Do you feel okay?" He gets out. He barely had the chance to check last night.

"Mmm," Karma hums, and then stretches his arms. Minions! "Sore."

He almost looks down shyly, but that would go against his shoulders and up plan. "S-sorry."

"Did I say I was complaining?" He laughs lightly. "It's been a while."

The water gets shut off quickly after that, which is good because Nagisa doesn't have much more he can really say. He does cringe, though, after picking up his clothes from the floor. One major disadvantage to a sleep over is the fact that he has to turn his underwear inside out, and there's definitely evidence that there was a wet patch the night before. If anything, that's the ultimate nail in the coffin for the boner situation.

Nagisa feels awful, honestly. He knows he's acting distant. It's not fair if he doesn't actually explain why. But explaining why is potentially worse anyway. He hates this. He doesn't even know exactly what he's going to do here. It would be wrong to just lie and go along with everything just like normal, even as just a quick fix. There's literally no good time to… do whatever he needs to do. Talk?

It's just going to get worse, the longer it goes on.

He finds himself tucked up awkwardly on the sofa. It makes him feel more like an unwanted guest than anything else, a weird uncomfortable feeling like he shouldn't be here. But there was no reason to him to sit around and make small talk as Karma dresses himself. He's decided that, now. Part of the reason he's in this mess is pretending like everything was just going okay.

"Are you okay?" He hears Karma's voice, light in tone but failing to hide the concern.

Nagisa can't even look at him.

How could he even begin to?

This entire thing between them was doomed from the start. But everything he's done since then… just made it so much worse. But Nagisa can't… he can't keep going on like this. He can't make Karma want the things that he wants. They're just fundamentally different, and nothing can change that. Karma needs something from him that it's too painful to give.

Nagisa's known this for a while, but he's been stringing it along, selfishly. He's allowed himself to fantasise, to pretend that this is something it's not. Nagisa needs labels. He needs the stability, the reasoning, to be able to figure out where he belongs. And Karma… he needs to air to breathe, no matter the level of intimacy surrounding him. Even if he tried to step down to Nagisa's level, he'd only be suffocating him.

He should have just ended it the first time Karma made it clear they'd never be together. Maybe even before that. Surely there was a point… somewhere… where things were clearly wrong? Where they drifted away from anything resembling friendship? It doesn't feel as simple as 'catching feelings', though. It's more like those feelings were already there, and got dug up.

When exactly did they stop the whole teaching pretence anyway?

And now Nagisa has to hurt him. He has to hurt him now because it'll hurt them both even more if this keeps going on. Either way, he's going to lose Karma. It's gone too far now to even attempt to salvage. Was any of this even worth it? If he could go back in time, even, and keep him as a friend instead of ever sleeping with him… He's not sure. It's not like he'd know what he'd be missing.

Maybe he's just being dramatic. He doesn't know any of this. Besides, Karma initiated most of the other stuff. Nagisa's not wrong in treating this like the arrangement it explicitly was. Karma promised to teach him about sex. Well, he knows everything he really needs to now, doesn't he? The gaps in his knowledge aren't ones that require instruction. It's for the best like this. It'll only be worse if he digs into the depths of his feelings.

"We should probably end this," he says.

He can sense a lack of comprehension. "What?"

Nagisa clenches his fist, and forces himself to turn around. He deserves that much at least. "I don't think there's anything else you can teach me."

"Teach you?"

"That's the point of this, right?" Nagisa tries so hard to mean it. "My health classes were over months ago anyway, but I think I've learnt everything I need to by now. T-thanks to you, I have a really good understanding of everything. B-besides," he swallows down a feeling close to vomit, "I can't take up any more of your time."

Karma's eyes sharpen like daggers. "You're worried about my time."

"Partially." Stay calm. "We both know we can't just do this forever."

The silence that weighs between them threatens to choke him. Nagisa wants to take it all back already, but it's too late now. It doesn't feel much like the weight off his shoulders at all. If anything, he feels like he's being crushed. There's nothing he said, though, that's not the truth. At the very least he has that.

It's better to do it like this, he thinks. Telling Karma the extent of how he feels will make it so much more complicated. He's saving them both more pain like this. If he'd told Karma, he'd have been conflicted, and put in an awkward position. Nagisa can see it pretty clearly at this point; their separation is inevitable either way.

"Oh, so you're an expert now, huh?"

"I didn't say that."

He can practically see Karma's mind race, as though he's searching for an argument. Nagisa doesn't doubt he'll end up finding one. But that's because he's speaking logically, and he thinks that Karma knows it. Even if it's probably the way he'd want things, Nagisa can't do it anymore. He can't keep sleeping around with him and pretending like he doesn't have a choke hold over his heart.

"Go, then."

Nagisa wasn't expecting that. He'd prepared for anything else. "B-"

There's the anger. "Am I forcing you to be here?"

"No, but-"

"Then leave?" He folds his arms. "If that's how you want things to be, then that's how they are. You want to end it? Then it's done. Why are you still standing here?"

That's a pretty explicit way to kick him out. How else did he want Karma to react, anyway? If anything this looks like he's taking it pretty well. But Nagisa can see through at least that. If he leaves now, then it's going to just be more pretending. The pretending is what's suffocating him. He wants it out of him now.

"Well?" Karma raises his voice.

"I-" Nagisa stares at the floor, and now it's him who can't speak properly. "It doesn't feel right to just leave like this!"

"You're the one who started it."

He clenches his fist again. "I didn't mean it like I just leave and we pretend like this never happened. We… I think we need to talk about it."

"Funny," he says with false coolness, "I can't think of anything I want to talk to you about."

"Y-you don't mean that."

"No?" He takes a step towards him, and Nagisa feels something like fear. "Then what do I mean?"

He's never felt worse than this. "I'm not trying to hurt you."

Karma's eyes narrow. "You said it, right? This is all for your health classes, that aren't even happening anymore. Why would that hurt me?"

"T-that's all this ever was," it slips out of him, barely audible.

"You've made that clear," he says. "Glad to know we're on the same page then. So, what's the matter? There's not much of a difference to our lives, if we stop hooking up for no reason."

There's a part of him that thinks Karma's just lashing out or something, but he can't even tell. Karma's usually very obvious about that kind of thing. Maybe… it could be that Nagisa really is imagining this whole thing. It's Karma, after all. Sometimes he just acts a certain way because he follows his own moral code. It's perfectly plausible that everything really was just a casual arrangement for him.

"It felt like more than hooking up," he gets out.

Karma practically has him backed up against the back of the sofa at this point. "Maybe quit it with the mixed messages. You just told me two completely different things."

"You told me," he tries, "you said that's all you ever do. So it can't be more than that. I-I need to be with someone who does want more."

Somehow he knows that was the wrong thing to say.

"Oh, so that's what you want, huh?" Karma looks at him like he's a cockroach. He laughs humorously. "I get it now, thanks for clearing that up. Can't be fooling around with me when you need your skills for someone else, right?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I heard you loud and clear, though," he shrugs. "Do it then. You think I care who you sleep with? As you say, I was only helping you out, right? Then fine. In fact, tell me all about it! Maybe I'll even cheer you on."

"Stop it."

"I'm just repeating what you said you wanted."

Nagisa regains his stance as confidently as he can. "You're not even listening to me!"

"I don't need to."

He's close to throwing a punch at him. It takes every ounce of self-restraint to hold himself back, and that's honestly a bit frightening. He thinks Karma can feel it too, backing away at the hint of his bloodlust. It feels like a chasm opening up between them, and he's not sure it can be undone now.

It can't be true. Surely not. Everything… it really meant nothing to him? Or, maybe not nothing, but definitely not how Nagisa felt. The thing is, it was when things started to slide away from their original arrangement that he noticed his feelings. Maybe Nagisa just subconsciously wanted him enough that he'd lied to himself this whole time. It's horrifically possible.

"Then what do you want?!" Nagisa realises he's shouting, and it's strange in his voice. "How am I meant to know, Karma? You're the one who keeps saying time and time again. You don't do relationships. I get it. But don't get mad at me when I try to do things the way you want."

"When did I ever say this is what I want?!"

"I don't know," he gets out, "because you don't tell me."

"Like you tell me anything either!"

"I tell you plenty!"

"I don't even know your original family name," he says firmly. "It's impossible to even guess what you're thinking half the time."

Nagisa feels unsteady all of a sudden.

"Like you're any better."

There's a lull in their fight, where the weight of everything starts to feel far too heavy. It's almost like he's about to choke. A part of Nagisa still really wants to take it all back, but he knows that he had to say this, one way or another. He doubts Karma would have reacted any better than this, anyway.

"I think you're mistaken," Karma says cruelly. "According to you, you know more than enough about how I think."

"Then be honest with me!"

"I have been!"

Really?

Maybe Nagisa's being hypocritical. He's not exactly being honest either. But he doesn't feel like expressing his feelings, not like this. If Karma's really being honest, then he doesn't feel the same way as him. It's not even about preserving their friendship anymore, it's something like pride now. As if he has any of that.

Suddenly, they're twelve again, and Karma's shooting down his fifth invitation to hang out in a row. The first few texts got a bit of a response, but now Karma's just ignoring him. Why? Is he mad? Did Nagisa do something? He's been trying so hard not to mess this up. To be cool, and daring… to be worthy of standing next to Karma. So he approaches him in person, and Karma doesn't even turn his head to look at him. Can't, he says, I'm busy with things. Then, how about next week? Of course Nagisa presses, even though he knows he looks desperate. Even though some of their classmates have noticed, and they're watching him now. Karma glares at him, then, like he's a corpse. Get the hint. It bites through him, ringing through his ears like a shock. It's the last time they say even a word to each other, until 3E.

I'm not good enough for him. Nagisa had clung to that thought back then. And, he thought he was over it too. When they had that fight, it was like a catharsis. Nagisa won. Whatever it was between them, he and Karma were equals. Everything had been great, after that. Then… how did he end up back here? Karma wanted to date someone at least once, whether he admitted it directly or not, so then why not him? Why can't he be enough?

Of course, he supposes, Karma's not giving him enough.

Nagisa doesn't get it. This should be what he wants to hear. It's not like he wanted Karma to be upset, that would be terrible of him. He didn't want Karma to beg for him to stay and start spouting romantic gestures. So then, why does it feel like he's dying from the inside out? It's bitter, and it's hollow, and it's too late.

"I guess that's it."

And he really means it. This might even be the last time he sees him ever.

"Leave, then."

"I am."

There's a second, there. Just the slight twinge of ease in the air. It's like they both reconsider at the same time. Is this really what I want? But it passes too soon, and Nagisa's in the hallway, pulling on his shoes. Karma doesn't walk him out. Nagisa doesn't bother looking over his shoulder. All he knows is swinging the door open, and slamming it shut behind him.

Thud.

And now it's over.

It takes until about two metro stops away from Nagisa's station for his blood to stop burning. Until just before the turning to his apartment when he realises how fast he's actually walking, not even stopping to breathe properly. And when he gets home, it's almost mundane. He locks the door behind him like normal, grabs a glass of water, and strips off yesterday's clothes before entering the shower.

A voice inside him knows this isn't quite normal. Not with how frantically he's scrubbing at himself, turning his skin a reddish pink. But it's done, then, and he finds himself dressed it neat pyjamas, his hair a little wet still but on its way to dry. That, and the silence. He decides to grab himself another glass of water, taking a sip before he sits down on his bed.

Why do his eyes feel so sore?

Oh, tears.

Nagisa doesn't want to cry over him. He really doesn't. But it looks like it's happening regardless. This is stupid, isn't it? All of this is his own fault anyway. He should be relieved, if Karma really never had any kind of feelings for him. At least he doesn't have to worry about hurting him. But that still feels like a stab to the gut. Nagisa really liked him… Liking people sucks.

Sugino would say "I told you so". Or, he probably wouldn't, because he's too nice of a person to hold something like this over his head. He'd definitely think it, though, and he'd be right.

He takes a deep breath, forces himself to stop. I'm not weak. At least, that's what he tries to remind himself. Finally, there's a sense of control, as he soothes his consciousness. It's flat, then. Unnaturally flat. It's better than the alternative, though. Better to feel nothing at all, to keep moving forward no matter what.

Eventually, he has to go to school again. Nagisa's not sure how much time passes until that point. More than anything, he feels like a ghost, just existing until something forces him out. The silence of his phone is painful, too. But what could he expect? This is his doing. And now that he knows the truth, he can't be anything but thankful he got himself out of it. It's literally, by definition, not even a break up.

At least, in his one silver lining, Nagisa still knows how to focus. By the time he actually sees his class, everything else just melts away. Who cares about Karma when he has more important things to do? It's the last week of the school year, anyway. This is a super exciting time, no matter what. He can feel the relief amongst them, now that they have no tests for at least a while.

Admittedly, they've begun to bloom like the cherry blossoms outside. Nobody's fully there yet, but they're starting to show their skills. He can't hide his pride over their final scores, at least. The lowest grade anyone has is a B. Actually, on average his class has the highest scores in their year group. That's all on them, though.

It means he gets to let them have a bit of fun, for the rest of the week. He's expected to start teaching them some of the content for next year, and of course he does, but there's nothing wrong with cutting them a little bit of slack! Even if it does mean he has to spend his last afternoon with them dodging wild flurries of spit-balls, as a last ditch attempt to take him out. They all get As in assassination anyway, as far as he's concerned. He's so proud. And, actually a little sad when he wishes them a happy break, and good luck for their next year.

"Shiota san," the head teacher says as he makes his way out into the corridor, "we'll be heading out in a bit so don't run off anywhere~"

The celebration.

As much as Nagisa hadn't felt any kind of particular urge to go, it's not like he intentionally forgot or tried to avoid it. Celebrations just haven't exactly been in the forefront of his mind… Though, he supposes it could be a good idea. Now that he has a fairly extended break from school, it could be a decent enough distraction.

"Okay," he nods. "I'm waiting."

"But first!" He says, a false smile appearing. "I forgot to mention it, but a reporter wanted to speak to you!"

That rings alarm bells. "Oh, I-"

"Won't say no," he says, "because you understand how great an opportunity this is! Perfect! Don't worry, it's only a local paper! It's not like you're going to end up on NHK or anything!"

It seems like Nagisa doesn't have a choice, then, as he's half pushed towards one of the few private offices in the building. He just didn't want to speak to any reporters. Putting himself in Watanabe's shoes for a second, it would definitely leave a bitter taste in his mouth if someone was benefiting from a genuine family tragedy. Besides, Karma still did most of the work, and he really doesn't want to talk about Karma.

"Shiota san!" The reporter has his face in his notebook. "Please, take a seat."

He does, a little awkwardly. "Um, I don't think I'm going to have much to say, but-"

The dark head snaps up immediately. "Nagisa?!"

Nagisa blinks slowly, recognition washing over him. "Y-yuuji kun?!"

"Woah," his jaw drops a little. "Long time no see?"

He can't tell if this is better or worse. "Y-yeah," swallows. "I didn't know you became a journalist?"

"Well," he scratches the back of his neck, "my food blog was really taking off, you know? And I figured I actually like writing a lot, maybe more about the things that matter? I could have got any job, I guess, but it's kind of fun to work hard on things. I used my mum's surname, anyway, and I'm going to work my way up from the bottom."

Nagisa finds himself smiling. "That's… really good to hear, actually."

"This newspaper is pretty shitty, though," he says honestly. "Like being two weeks behind on this story."

He flushes. "S-sorry."

"Maybe you can make it interesting for me," he jokes, "this is pretty much an exclusive, right?"

This feels like a totally different Yuuji to the one he met in junior high. Whatever small part in that Nagisa might have, he's glad it happened. Though, that day they met had been a weird time overall. It's not every day you have to fight several professional assassins in order to save your classmates from… a moderate case of food poisoning.

"Okay," Yuuji clears his throat. "I won't ask you to run me through the events or anything. But, how did you feel when that student called you?"

He swallows. "Well… I just felt scared, and like I had to do something right away. She chose to trust me, so I knew I had to do my best."

Yuuji hums. "Some of the reactions to this story have been critical about a teacher giving their phone number to a student. What do you think about that?"

It's dumb. "I think… people would criticise a lot of the ways I teach."

"Oh," Yuuji leans forward, "go on? Actually, from what others have said about you, and your results, it seems pretty successful."

"It's nothing much," he says. "I just like to find unique ways to motivate my students. As much as some people can just sit in a classroom and absorb information… that doesn't always work for everyone." The fact that Nagisa's meant to be answering an actual question begins to escape him, as his urge to get his thoughts out takes over for once. "Every year, I think we expect more and more out of our students. We get so preoccupied with preparing everyone for the future that we forget that they're just children. When you try and cram too much into their heads at once, they'll never actually remember it all. Exams are important, but they're a means to an end, from their perspective. When they have a common goal they can all understand and work towards, they end up working harder and taking in more at the same time. That kind of blood lust… it's useful."

"Blood… lust?"

"In a healthy way, of course," he insists. "It's not like I encourage violence. But, it's just human instinct at the end of the day, and you can't really drive that away completely. So, I let them work on 'assassinating' me – not with anything that could really harm anyone of course! But even if it's just trying to hit me with a toy sword or something, most students really rise to the challenge."

When Nagisa pauses for a second, he realises Yuuji's frantically writing.

"So," he grasps his pen, "you tell you students to act like they want to kill you and that actually improves their grades? That's… original?"

He shifts awkwardly. "It's not like I invented it. But it's how my favourite teacher taught my class, and I remember those days the most… Of course it isn't the only thing students need to improve their grades. But it gives them the drive they need to take exams seriously, along with the teamwork. It seems ironic, but the more they try to 'kill' me, the more they trust me, I think. They're more open, too. Children need someone they can depend on, and when that's not their parents, a teacher can be a really great option, as the adult they probably see the most."

Yuuji nods, and sets his pen down. "Thank you so much for your time."

Huh? "B-but," he protests, "I didn't really talk about anything that happened."

Yuuji just grins. "Don't sweat it. This is going to be a much better story."

"What story? I was just rambling-"

He starts to pick up his things. "Like I said, it's much better. But I'm going to have to research some things!"

Seems like he's defeated. "Okay."

Yuuji smiles again. "You look really different with short hair, by the way. I definitely couldn't get you mixed up anymore."

That makes Nagisa beam, admittedly. Just a little. "You look different too. More… grown up?"

"Maybe because I ditched the caps?" He moves to open the door, holding it open. "Anyway, maybe I'll see you around?"

"Sure," he says, "I'd like that."

Unfortunately, though, Nagisa doesn't have much time at all to dwell on the unintentional reunion.

At least the chosen izakaya isn't far from the school building, although it feels a little weird to be walking there in a group like this. It seems it's just the regular location, since every other event had also been there. He doesn't dislike it, though, even if it's not somewhere he's consider going to otherwise.

The staff greet them all warmly, leading them off to the private room they'd booked for the function. It's decently sized, and relatively traditional with its tatami floor and long table. Nagisa's not sure how traditional the rest of the place is, though, considering they keep offering ever changing pop idol 'inspired' highballs.

"You should sit over here," his boss says to him, "not only for your heroism, but your classes' exam results. Don't worry," he winks, "it's tradition for our top scorer."

Nagisa still can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable. His co-workers look at him as he attempts to skirt around the rest of the room, traversing from the position closest to the door he'd naturally drifted towards as the most junior one there, to the seat next to the headmaster on the other side. It's not like the school's huge, but the people around him definitely aren't the teachers he's spoken much to before.

"So, Shiota kun," the man opposite him begins, who Nagisa thinks has a few extra roles aside from teaching. "I can't help but say I'm surprised we haven't spoken much before."

He laughs, feeling the awkwardness. "I haven't been able to come to many of these events."

"We're glad you're here now," the head teacher smiles.

Honestly, Nagisa isn't. It's not like he has a problem making conversation usually, but he's really not in the mood for small talk with mostly strangers. He feels even more displaced like this, anyway, so it's like an extra layer of discomfort. A small voice in the back of his head tells him it's a bad idea, but he ends up ordering a stronger drink than he usually would, like that'll make things easier.

It goes down like acid, but he kind of likes the burn in this context. At least holding a conversation is easier, and even enjoyable by the second drink. In fact, judging from the air in the room, everyone's having a significantly better time. Nagisa finds himself laughing at their anecdotes, adding a comment of his own here or there. It's the first time he hasn't felt this weight on his chest in what feels like forever.

It turns out quite a few of them have families and other responsibilities to go back to, though, so the party gets smaller and smaller. Nagisa can't think of much of a reason to leave himself, though. It's warm here, plus he has drink left. Even if he's not exactly picking up the cup, more leaning over it and licking at the liquid with his tongue…

One of the other first year teachers laughs. "You really need more to drink, Shiota?"

"Huh?"

Inoue clears his throat. "I don't know, I think maybe everyone's done at this point?"

There are a couple of groans around the room, but people start to stand up and move. Nagisa finds it funny, for some reason. He can't quite remember how to stand? It's like his limbs aren't connected to the right mental signals. And, hey, how long has the room been spinning? He wants nothing more than to slam his head down on the table and go to sleep.

"Hey… Shiota kun?" Someone says.

"Present," Nagisa mumbles.

"Aw, he thinks it's roll call! How cute!"

"Is he okay?"

"Maybe we should just buy him another drink?"

The only voice Nagisa really recognises is Inoue's. "I don't think he's going anywhere like this. I'll take him, make sure he actually makes it to his train in one piece."

Nagisa sticks up his hand in defiance. "'m fine!"

"…Like I said," Inoue continues, "get home safe, everyone!"

He feels himself being shaken by a hand, and as much as he wants to bat him away, it feels nice in a way he can't explain. Even warmer… Despite the shaking, it makes him even more determined to get some sleep.

"Hey, Shiota kun, you can nap in a little bit, hm?"

"Ugh," he complains, but he lets himself get pulled to his feet. Standing feels a lot harder than it should, and he ends up leaning on Inoue for physical support. "Hi."

He laughs. "Hi, you feeling good?"

Nagisa's head hangs. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," Inoue waves him off. "It's good to see you have fun. Though… maybe you overdid it a little?"

"Hmph."

His smile extends across his face. "C'mon, lets get you some fresh air."

Outside is a lot colder, much to Nagisa's dismay, hitting his face like a brick. He'd like to wrap his arms around himself and curl up, but he's pretty much hanging onto Inoue like a crutch at this point. Faintly, he recognises this is pretty embarrassing, the high mostly over now. He can't bring himself to care too much, though.

"Hey, Shiota kun, I think we should probably get some water? I can't leave you when you can't even walk."

Maybe Nagisa nods, or maybe he doesn't, but they end up next to a vending machine regardless. The bright lights make him squint, making him want to hiss and hide away. At least the water tastes good, soothing his throat after Inoue hands it to him. He chugs it like he's on some kind of mission, sighing when he's finished with the whole bottle.

"Okay, that was almost impressive."

"Throat exercises."

"Huh?"

He scoffs. "Don't worry about it." Then his face falls. "I really need to pee."

"Well yeah, considering how you just chugged that."

Motivated by his bladder, he squats, thinking about it for a moment before his hand goes to unzip his fly.

"Wait no-" Inoue sounds panicked. "You can't just- you're in public, remember?"

Oh, yeah.

He falls back into a sit with a small thud, and manages to find that funny. He was really going to pee on some street corner. He could have been arrested. How did he end up in this mess, again? Honestly, this is hilarious.

Inoue's laughing too, at least. "I can't believe you almost just did that."

"I still need to go though."

His face drops for a second. "Right, yeah, there's a toilet close to here I think."

Thankfully, it is pretty close. Nagisa manages to stumble his way in unaided, even if it takes pretty much all of his concentration to not fall head first into the urinal. He feels a lot better, though, just a little stabler as he washes his hands. He splashes his face with the water, too, realising just how much of a mess he looks – if his reflection's anything to go by.

"Shiota kun," Inoue greets him with a smile. "You made it in one piece!"

"Please just call me Nagisa," he says suddenly. "I really hate my family name."

Inoue blinks. "Huh. Really? How come you never brought it up before?"

He shrugs.

"Well," he says, "if it makes you more comfortable. But you should use my first name too, otherwise it's just weird."

"Tsukasa… kun?"

He nods. "I think I like the sound of that."

"It's probably right," he thinks, "since I almost just peed in front of you."

"Oh, so that's the standard is it?"

Nagisa finds himself thinking about it. "It's better than getting into a fist fight."

Inoue – Tsukasa, laughs again. "I don't think I'd stand much of a chance, so please spare me."

Something hits Nagisa, then, so hard that he finds himself clutching at the wall for support. Karma's the last thing he wants to think about. But once the thought's there… he can't get rid of it. It grows and grows, like a virus. Then, all at once, it's like he's feeling every emotion at once and he can't control it. It just bursts out of him, and with so much overwhelm he realises he's crying – pretty openly too.

"Hey, uh," Tsukasa says, "if it really means that much I did a bit of karate back in Middle School!"

Somehow that just makes it worse. "You'd let me fight you because I'm sad?"

"Yes?"

He lets out an especially ugly sob. "You're so nice."

Tsukasa taps him awkwardly on the arm like he's attempting to comfort him. "I don't know if you're just really drunk right now, but it sounds like you're going through something. I just want you to know… if you need to talk about it, I'll definitely listen."

"This literally isn't even fair!"

"What isn't fair?"

"You're-" Nagisa waves his arms to gesture what he can't quite verbalise. "Look at me! I'm inconveniencing you! I'm a mess! I'm crying! And! And!" He feels like screaming. "You're still being so nice!"

Tsukasa has the nerve to look amused. "It's a karma thing, I guess?"

A chill goes through his bones. "Karma is not nice."

"Huh?"

"In fact," he clears his throat. "He's an asshole! I hate him!"

"I think you're scaring the birds, Nagisa kun."

He scowls. "Who does he think he is, anyway? He spent so long lying."

Tsukasa looks confused for the moment, before his features finally relax. "Ah, I get it now. So you're going through a break up?"

"Not a break up," he folds his arms. "I don't care, anyway." Suddenly, a great idea strikes through to him. "I should text him! Right now! Just to tell him how much I don't care."

"Woah woah," he gently holds a hand to Nagisa's wrist, before he can tug his phone out of his pocket. "Look, you shouldn't text your ex when you're like this. Trust me, I did that in university once and her cousin ended up threatening me with a replica katana."

"He's not even my ex," he mutters.

Tsukasa sighs. "Whatever the case, don't do something you might regret."

It's enough to make him hesitate. "This sucks."

"Yeah, I get it. It does suck. But, hey, if it helps… It's better to talk about these things than keep them all up in your head. You'll never deal with it otherwise."

"You sound like you know what you're talking about."

He laughs again. "Way to make me sound like some kind of serial dater."

"S-sorry!"

"Don't be," he says. "How are you feeling right now?"

"I'm mad," Nagisa realises. "I'm never mad."

"Admittedly," Tsukasa says, "I can't picture you angry, not easily anyway. You're kind of like sunshine."

He looks down. "Most think I'm the opposite."

Nagisa's never really minded his reputation. At first, he found the whole blood-lust thing confusing to handle, but it turned out to be really useful. Useful… for assassination, at least. This is a completely different field. Despite Bitch Sensei's extensive lessons, he's not sure how good this kind of natural skill is for things like relationships. If anything, it's actively making it worse. But nobody's ever told him he radiates positive energy.

He knows how much Karma doesn't like it.

"What's wrong with me?" He lets it out like a whisper. "Why can't I be enough?"

Tsukasa swallows, his voice neutral with a hint of restraint. "If someone really made you feel like that, then they're not worth it."

"But-"

"Don't sell yourself short. You're attractive, and smart, and really easy to talk to. Those are like, three super important qualities right away, and I knew those things about you in maybe five seconds? So someone who's lucky enough to date you… If they don't appreciate that, then they probably don't deserve you."

Nagisa stares at him blankly for a moment, much of what was actually on his mind slipping away. He doesn't know how to take compliments, at least not well. And that was rapid fire. He can't make excuses for everything! Not on the spot like this. It almost makes him want to cry even harder again. Nobody's ever told him something like this… and he wants so badly to believe him.

He doesn't know what he's doing, but he ends up wrapping his arms around Tsukasa, uncaring that he definitely didn't sign up for this.

"You can't mean that."

Surprisingly, he hugs him back, though it seems more like he's steadying him. "Pinky swear?"

"There's no way you'd date me," he insists.

"Why not?"

Nagisa pulls back a little. "All of this."

"I don't know, I've definitely had worse nights."

He gulps, looking at him. Is he being serious? Nobody's ever said they'd date him before. If he's really telling the truth here… It's not like he has anything left to lose at this point. Nagisa finds himself leaning towards him, a certain determination flooding him. And his heart quickens when Tsukasa does the same, and then he can feel his warm breath on his face-

"Nagisa," he says, "you're drunk."

"Mhm." His eyes fall closed. He's missed being held like this.

"And it sounds like you're still dealing with this break up."

"Maybe."

Tsuakasa sighs, and puts distance between them. "So, it's probably not the best idea right now."

He finds himself feeling unsteady all over again. "Right now?"

He winces. "Let's see how you feel when you're sober. But- if this is still what you want, then I'd like nothing more than to take you out. Here," he extends out his palm. "I'll exchange contacts with you. Okay?"

"Yeah, alright."

Finally, he smiles again, imputing his number as easy as breeze. "Now let's go get that train."