They crash into Karma's apartment like they're in the midst of a storm.

Pretty much the second that door is closed, they're on each other, and Nagisa's starting to lose track of what parts of him are where. It's like his entire world is just Karma, like a pulse running through his veins. And he loves it, every second, just as much as he loves him. He never wants to go so long without his touch again.

Weirdly enough, though, it's not overtly sexual. Rather, a mutual need to be close again, to stitch close all of the wounds they just caused. Through it all, he can feel Karma's heart thumping in his chest. Nagisa wants to dig into him. He wants… Well, he almost wants to cry, actually. He's not sure if that's a good thing.

"Stay here," Karma breathes, "today."

He looks up at him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Unfortunately, his stomach growls right about then, ruining the moment just a little.

"I guess we didn't eat," Karma pulls back.

"Sorry."

There's a glint in his eye, though. "I'll make you something."

Something inside him fizzes, like he's about to explode. "Do you really like cooking that much?"

"For you, maybe."

Now he's really going to combust on the spot. Is this how it's always going to feel? Karma can take him apart, just like this. Just with a few words. And Nagisa really hates his stomach. There are so many things they could be doing right now. Sure, he loves when Karma cooks for him, but how is he meant to wait even longer?

Karma moves away from him, and he feels something close to a chill. He doesn't want to be separate, not yet at least. It's almost like being torn in two from the inside out. Though, a part of him realises he knows how to mitigate the situation. He follows Karma into the kitchen, like some kind of lost puppy at his heels.

"How about omurice?"

"Is it quick?"

Karma shoots him a look, before tutting. "So impatient, Nagisa."

He gulps, pretty sure Karma's aware of what he's doing. "Sorry."

"It won't take too long," he confirms. "Take a shower, if you want, it was a long day."

Nagisa's about to protest, but then he remembers a key reason for taking a shower. "O-okay!"

He starts with it cold, out of pure necessity. Once that's cleared his head a little… he finally lets himself process things a little, considering it's the first time he's actually been alone. Despite the weird ache he's feeling… He finds himself smiling. There's almost a kind of disbelief that comes over him, remembering everything again… He cuts off the thought, though, before he ends up having to turn the temperature down again, and focuses on quickly preparing. Just in case.

Of course, he doesn't exactly have a rotation of clean clothes available, so he ends up crossing into Karma's room. Not that he's about to go through all of his stuff… but he knows where the basic items are kept. He's kind of missed Karma's jumpers, anyway. After he slips it on, over the boxer shorts he arrived in, he considered searching for a bottom half too, but honestly the length of it makes that kind of unnecessary.

"It smells good," he says honestly, when he reappears.

Karma turns, but doesn't actually say something for a moment, like he lost track of what it was going to be. "It'll taste great too."

Despite his earlier urgency, Nagisa does actually appreciate the food placed in front of him a lot. Karma looks careful when he carries the plates over, almost like he's the unsure one now. Well, Nagisa can't complain. Dating Karma is probably going to be great for his dietary health, if this sort of treatment continues.

He's not fully sure what to actually say to him, though.

"It's really good…"

Karma beams, though he looks like he's trying to hide it a little. "Of course it is."

Nagisa clears his throat. "Karma."

"Hm?"

He inhales. "S-shouldn't we… talk about this?"

"What do you mean?"

He squirms in his seat. Why does he have to make this difficult? "A-about us. It's not like I want to ruin the moment or anything, but…"

Karma puts down his chopsticks. "I'll talk about whatever you want me to."

Nagisa nods. "Right. So…" this sounded a lot easier in his head… "There's some things I still want to know. Uhm… did you lie about having feelings?"

There's quite the uncomfortable moment of silence.

"When I said we should end things," Nagisa clarifies. "You… made it out like this was still just help to you."

"I know what I said," Karma says, tone a little low. "What did you even mean?"

At first, Nagisa feels a wave of annoyance. He's just deflecting the question onto Nagisa like this, rather than actually answering… Nagisa swallows it, though. Maybe he can make this sacrifice, just this once. If it means getting an actual answer out of him… maybe he needs to set the playing field as open as possible. For the greater good…

"I thought I would be making things worse," he admits. "You kept saying that a relationship wasn't what you wanted… but I liked you too much to keep going."

There's another really deep moment of silence. "Why didn't you just say that?"

"I didn't want to put you in that position?" Nagisa tries to reason. "I thought that maybe you'd agree to it just because it's what I wanted."

"That's…" he shakes his head. "It just sounded like you didn't care."

"I thought that was how you wanted it."

"Of course I always cared," he takes a deep breath after letting that out, though. "Then yeah, no. I was just saying what I thought you wanted to hear."

"You lied."

"Well, so did you."

Unfortunately, he's not wrong. Nagisa decides to carry on. "What did you want, when you came to my apartment?"

"I don't know," Karma says, and he thinks he's being honest. "I just wanted to see you."

"What did you think would happen?"

"I don't know."

Nagisa swallows. "Is a relationship something you really want?"

Karma looks down at the table. "I don't know what relationships are actually like. I know that being close to someone like that can get weird and uncomfortable… even without labelling it. But I can't judge this based on that. I don't like not having you here."

"I don't want this to just be a means to an end," Nagisa says.

"What I want," Karma continues, "pretty much lines up with what you'd call a 'relationship' anyway. It's not important to me to call it that, but it's important to you, so I'll go with it. Maybe that is a means to an end, but I don't think it matters if the end we both want is basically the same, right?"

There's a lot Nagisa wants to think about there. On the one hand, there is something that makes him want to squirm on the inside. Afterall, it's a little hard to be a part of a relationship that only one person truly wants to be there. On the other hand, though, it sounds like compromise. If Karma puts aside some of his internalisations for Nagisa's sake, and they're basically on the same page about what they actually want, maybe Nagisa can learn to put aside some of the feelings he keeps getting caught up over himself.

He finds himself nodding. "That sounds fair."

Karma looks up at him finally. "We shouldn't keep stuff like that from each other anymore though."

"I'll try if you will?"

He swallows. "So, what you're saying is you… liked me this whole time?"

Nagisa feels himself flush, turning his head. "Not the whole time."

Rather than tease him, though, Karma goes quiet again. "You seemed to move on pretty quick..."

He's been dreading anything about this.

"I think I talked myself into it. And it just sort of happened. It's not like I wanted… I mean, he asked me out, and I convinced myself that I didn't have a reason to say no."

"So you were trying to prove a point?"

Nagisa blinks his eyes closed for a moment. "He's a nice guy. It was nice to talk to someone who was direct about their feelings. But I realised afterwards that it didn't feel right, at least, it's different whenever I'm with you."

"Turns out we're both pretty dumb, huh?"

Nagisa likes the slight smile on Karma's face. "We're getting better, though?"

"You didn't even choke me this time," Karma shrugs.

"Do you want me to?"

Karma's lips part. "Nagisa."

He can't help but laugh a little. It's kind of funny, to make Karma flustered. "What?"

There's a fake look of anger on his face. "Eat your food."

Nagisa's not sure that things are fully resolved, honestly. But it feels like a start, pretty good considering how they both started out their days at least. Even more, it's like the clouds are lifting over them, just a little at a time. Now that Nagisa's not so drawn between either jumping him or punching him, at least…

By the time they're doing the dishes side by side, things almost feel normal. Nagisa chatters about his upcoming students, and Karma responds. They talk a little about their friends, how it was nice to see everyone, how crazy it is that Chiba and Hayami are getting married. Really, it's strange to think about those days when they were all in a classroom together, bonded by the not so small task of saving the world.

"I'd go to space again," Karma says. "Maybe to the moon this time."

Nagisa tilts his head. "It probably won't be safe to do that anytime soon."

"Let's retire there," he shrugs.

"Huh?"

"Think about it, it's a lot easier to get around with low gravity. Maybe it's even a solution to the elderly care problem."

"You can't solve… social care issues with zero gravity."

Karma tuts. "Which one of us works for the government?"

"Clearly not the one who should."

A wild look comes on his face. "Oh, so we should swap then?"

"That's not what I said."

Karma sighs dramatically. "I don't know, I think I'm a great teacher."

"Well…"

"What?"

"You didn't actually do much teaching though."

He lets out a sound of offense. "That's slander."

Nagisa folds his arms. "You didn't ever use much structure. Didn't check if I had questions-"

"You still learnt."

"Maybe."

Karma flicks some water at him. And Nagisa doesn't retaliate, because he's above that, but he shoots Karma a glare that's clear as day. That is to say, just as annoyed as he feels he need to be, but it's still pretty obvious that he doesn't actually mind. This feels good, though. Even if Karma's being… himself… Nagisa can admit that he does like this.

Even if it somehow encourages him to sigh, leaning over his shoulder with most of his body weight.

Nagisa attempts to shift his chin into a better position. "Are you tired?"

"Maybe?"

He shrugs him off. "You need a shower too."

Karma groans like a little kid. "But-"

"I'll wait for you after."

It's as much as a promise as he can make, really, and the earlier anticipation begins to build again, like subtle flames teasing against his fingers. At least Karma looks happy at the implication, racing off pretty fast. There's something pretty endearing about it. Karma when he lets himself go… it really does something to his heart.

Nagisa doesn't necessarily know what to do with himself, though. He doubts Karma's going to take his time, by the looks of things. After letting himself hesitate for just a minute or two, he wanders into the bedroom, deciding to sit himself cross legged on the bed. It's not like he's fully comfortable and at ease like this, not yet at least, but it's definitely something.

As predicted, it's not long at all until Karma emerges, towel wrapped haphazardly around his waist. "Miss me?"

Nagisa doesn't reply. Mostly because it's admittedly been a few weeks too long since he's seen Karma in any sort of state of undress, and whilst his feelings go far deeper than how he looks physically… that part of his brain decides to focus in on his chest like some kind of target. And then to make matters worse, he turns and drops the towel.

It's not like he's doing it on purpose… probably at least. He's just putting on his underwear, which is a perfectly normal thing to do after taking a shower. Still, Nagisa's eyes don't have anywhere else to go except his ass. He's so glad he gets to see his ass again. Almost mournful by the time the material of his underwear are covering it.

"Hey," Karma turns. "Earth to Nagisa?"

He snaps out of it. "S-sorry."

"I guess that's a yes," Karma laughs.

"W-wait-"

But it's too late, because Karma's now on top of him with his entire weight. And not in a fun, sexy way. In a way that cuts off Nagisa's windpipe. Admittedly it's kind of funny, a bit like playfighting as he struggles to wriggle his way out of his grasp into a position he can actually gasp for his breath in. Not that Karma seems to care.

Then, like that, he looks down at him for a second or two before kissing him, and Nagisa can't help but accept. Funnily enough, though, the urgency from earlier is gone. Now Nagisa just feels relaxed and peaceful, more than anything else. He knows there's very little danger of this being their last kiss, and in fact he gets to do it whenever he wants to.

It's not even really about the sensations it draws out of him physically, more how nice this kind of closeness feels. Nagisa's not winding his arms around him so he can get better friction, but rather so he's just… closer. Their kisses aren't quite lazy, but they are slow, warm, comfortable. Nagisa knows he'll never get tired of it.

"Nagisa?" Karma mutters against him.

"Hm?"

He detaches himself properly. "This is gonna sound weird probably," he swallows, "but I don't really want to have sex with you right now."

Nagisa meets his eyes. "S-same, actually."

"Really?"

He smiles. "Yeah. This is nice too."

Karma beams back at him, before manoeuvring them, somehow creating the perfect spooning position under the bed covers. Even Nagisa doesn't fully understand why, but it's exactly what he needs, far more than sex. The pure elation of just being in Karma's arms isn't something he's felt much at all before, but all things considered it's pretty great, he could even get drunk on it.

He fits really nicely, against his back. Even though they're already covered by the blanket, he's not so warm that Nagisa's suffocating. It's just nice, easy. Just like the way Karma strokes his arm every now and then. Honestly, the longer they do it, the more it kind of feels like healing, like threads weaving themselves back together.

Considering it's them, though, there's always bound to be a mishap.

"Karma?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, are you sure about just wanting to do this?"

He groans into his shoulder. "I can't help it if your ass is right there."

"Well you're not exactly giving me much room!"

"Just ignore it."

"It's literally kind of hard to do that." He thinks for a moment. "I didn't say I mind."

Karma hesitates for a second. "Yeah?"

What, it's not like he's offended that his boyfriend has a hard on just from lying next to him. If anything, it should make him proud.

Nagisa mulls it over briefly, before subtly pressing his own hips back into it. This elicits a slight hiss from Karma, who carefully works his arm under the covers, moving it to stroke against Nagisa's hip. There's not really anything overly suggestive in it yet, but admittedly the slight tease of his fingers hitting his skin every now and then is making his breathing pick up again.

He doesn't seem to be in any kind of rush, though, slowly progressing until his fingers are tracing the band of Nagisa's underwear. It's almost a little frustrating, he kind of just wants him to get on with it already. Knowing Karma, though, he's going to wait until Nagisa verbally tells him before he actually does anything. For as long as he can hold out, at least.

"How am I meant to ignore this?" He mumbles.

A brief hesitation. "That's not my problem."

Nagisa's not fully sure what comes over him, but he gathers the momentum to turn himself around, catching Karma off guard enough that he ends up on his back. It's only natural to complete his own motion, ending up pretty much directly on top of him, straddling his legs. There's a look of slight surprise on his face, but more than anything there's hunger.

Their lips fall together pretty quickly after that.

There's no mistaking this kind of kiss for something innocent. Neither one of them is really controlling it, in fact they're meeting each other at a rather satisfying equilibrium. Karma makes instant good use of his hands, though, shoving them underneath the material of the jumper. Like this, their heat definitely feels red hot.

Safe to say it comes off at some point. Nagisa can't really bring himself to care how, really. In fact, other heat sources starting to irritate him, he kicks the covers off them completely. Despite the desire thrumming through his body, though, he doesn't feel in any kind of rush. Maybe because there's a permanency now.

In the midst of things, they end up shuffled a little, with Karma almost sat up rather than completely flat. His hands are all over him, like he keeps trying to pull Nagisa closer, though they eventually trail back down to his underwear. He doesn't need to do anything more than lean himself against his hand just slightly, to give permission for them to come off.

There's a slightly awkward shuffle between the two of them, as there always seems to be when going about shedding the final layer of their clothing. Nagisa finds himself right back in Karma's lap though, even dizzier now as they're finally pressing together again. Honestly, Nagisa had been a bit too miserable to actively miss this, but now he has it again…

Karma leans to the side awkwardly, presumably grasping around for lube. Considering they didn't plan this, Nagisa supposes, it's actually tucked away in the draw for once. For some reason he can't help himself, though, making Karma's task considerably harder than it would have been by taking the chance to press impatient kisses against his neck.

Karma stills, though. "Do we need these?"

Honestly, he hadn't thought about it. In this frame of mind, he just wants Karma. "It's fine, w-without."

"No," he looks at him properly, "do we need them?"

It takes Nagisa a second to realise what he's actually asking him, and it throws him off a little bit. Well, considering how their conversation had gone before his date, it probably wasn't so outlandish that he might have slept with Tsukasa, from Karma's perspective. It makes him feel bitter though, an unfortunate reminder of everything.

"No," he reinforces.

He kind of hates the look of slight relief on Karma's face at that, but he doesn't have too much time to think about it before it's discarded somewhere, the lube is opened, and Karma has his fingers inside him. It's hard to think too hard about much at all like this. Even though it's been a little while, his body certainly hasn't forgotten, and he's lit up almost instantly.

It's not like Nagisa feels the need to rush this or anything, but…

"Karma," he pants out. "It's okay."

Karma's motions pause. "Are you sure?"

Nagisa nods maybe a little too hard. Really, he kind of wants that slight burn, it almost feels like a necessary part of all of this. Maybe he's getting a little bit too desperate, but he's thankful that Karma's not taking it as a chance to tease him for once. Even though at his words, Nagisa's practically raising himself up on his knees already, giving the space to line themselves up.

He sinks down on him slowly, and it's almost torturous for himself. Despite his newfound need, Nagisa knows he shouldn't actually risk hurting himself at least. It's the burn of the stretch, but there's another kind of burn that for some reason, Nagisa feels desperate to savour for as long as humanly possible.

By the time he's taken him all in, weirdly enough there's barely an urge at all. This is somehow wholly what he needed the most. Karma appears to be the same, simply drifting his arms up to his back. It feels like security more than anything. Nagisa lets his eyes fall closed for just a moment, truly letting everything wash over him. Finally.

Almost painfully slowly, they rock together. There's a few kisses exchanged between them like this, but mostly they're just breathing. This is what he's craved. As good as it feels, it's the closeness that really gets him. Now he has it… and knows it's not going to go anywhere. Most of all, he thinks, is how staggering it is that he loves him. Every moment he looks at Karma's face, it almost overwhelms him.

"Tired?" Karma asks, lips against his ear.

Nagisa shakes his head. "No…"

How can he explain? He can't concentrate on moving that well, because it's just too much for him? This bliss eclipsing him is barely handleable as it is? It's not even like he's scared about it being over. The emotion feels new, albeit just a little familiar. Almost enough to make him cry. Maybe he would, if he lets whatever minor control he still has over himself slip.

Whether Karma believes him or not, he slowly adjusts the positioning of his hands, kissing him perfectly as he shifts them, somehow staying inside throughout the motion. Nagisa feels bleary, finding himself flat on his back. Karma doesn't do anything for a moment though, simply breaking the kiss to look at him.

"Karma…" It comes out half like a whisper.

"Yeah?"

Nagisa swallows and it almost hurts. "I- I… missed you."

There's a strange look on his face, but it doesn't seem bad. "I'm not going anywhere."

He nods. "I know-"

Karma's hand slides into his, flat against the mattress. "You're mine."

At that verbalisation, Nagisa finds himself shuddering. Even Karma looks taken aback by the realisation. "Yours," slips out of his mouth. "All yours."

Karma inhales sharply, before their lips crash together. He starts to move like he's desperate, and maybe he is. It's a different kind of pleasure like this, and oddly a little easier to get a handle on, maybe due to the physical part of it tethering him to the earth somewhat. That doesn't mean it doesn't feel like his mind is being completely shattered in all of the best ways, though.

There's something words can't fully describe. This… being so in tune with someone else. Even 'love' doesn't fully feel like enough… as though something more than that exists. Nagisa's not sure, but every inch of him truly feels like it's with Karma. It's not unequal though, as much as he can tell, Karma's putting himself in his arms just as openly too. It's terrifying… but euphoric in its own way.

It seems strange, but Nagisa barely even notices his own orgasm. Maybe because the whole thing feels pretty climatic, if he's honest, it's hard to care that much about his physical release. Faintly, he's aware of Karma pulling out of him to finish himself off, but it's not like a true ending. Nothing about this is concluded.

Nagisa would usually expect to feel a loss. Weirdly, he doesn't. Maybe he's out of his mind here, but it almost feels irrelevant that Karma's not physically in him anymore. They lie facing each other on their sides like that, legs tangled together. It feels like perfect, whatever that means.

The next thing he knows, it's morning.

The light almost hurts his eyes, when he blinks them open. He's alone, too, he discovers instantly. Minor panic sets over him for a moment, before the events of the day before wash over him. It's a lot to process, honestly, but he finds himself grinning wildly. Like his heart's about to burst clean out of his chest. He's a special kind of giddy, as he dresses himself (or at least semi-dresses).

Why? Because this feeling in him… it knows that Karma's not going to be far away at all.

He finds him standing in the kitchen scrutinising a piece of toast. "Good morning."

"Hey-" Karma turns, but Nagisa finds himself kissing him before he can finish, albeit briefly. "I could get used to this."

Nagisa peers at the plate in front of him. "Breakfast?"

"I keep my promises," Karma explains. "Not that it's fancy or anything."

"No," Nagisa smiles, "this is great."

The buzz is still rushing through him. Even if they're only eating toast. Seriously, what's wrong with him? If wrong even is the right word… Could it be that he's just… happy?

"I'll take that," Karma says when he's done with his plate.

"I feel like I should do something," Nagisa half complains.

Karma hums. "You can… water my plant if you want?"

Nagisa looks at him blankly. "Your what?"

"I guess you didn't it notice it last night," Karma says. "It was a gift."

He blinks. "R-right?"

"I got it last week," he explains. "It needs to be watered a lot, though, and I kind of forgot yesterday."

"You're taking this… pretty seriously?"

Karma shrugs. "Kind of like the thing. It brightens up the doorway, anyway."

This is what he's dating, Nagisa realises. He can't say he's displeased. Surprised… sure, though he really shouldn't be when it comes to Karma. As much as he kind of wants to press for more details on why when and how, maybe there's some things it's better not to ask about. Karma can have his plant, if Nagisa has his fish song.

Admittedly, it's a pretty nice potted plant, or at least he thinks so when he finds himself outside the entrance. Maybe some kind of small tree? Yeah, he's just going to go along with it, he decides as he pours some water into the pot. Not that it looked malnourished or anything. Looks like Karma actually has been taking care of it.

As if by some unfortunate summoning, he hears a door opening.

"Ah," Nagisa feels embarrassed, especially given his state of dress. "Good morning, Hisaishi san."

There's a wry smile on her face. "You made up then."

He nods shyly. "Yeah, we did."

"Good," she nods, then looks at him for a moment. "You know, I used to work with a really great sound proofing company, when I had my work space in the city. I'll make sure I send over the details later. Just something to think about, if you'll be here more often!" She winks, before closing her door.

He feels his soul leave his body. "O-of course!"

There's just about three things Nagisa knows for sure right then. Number one is that he irrevocably loves Karma, that's easy. The second is that he wants to kill Karma and die out of embarrassment and shame right along with him. The third? At least, no matter what, they'll be figuring it out together.

AN: Thank you so much for reading this fic! The first chapter of the direct continuation, "Modern Dating: A Practical Guide" is already out and you can find it on my profile! Feel free to check it out!