September 17, 2004
The sun beats down on the roof of Howe's. The beginnings of Autumn are starting to show, but the afternoon sun is still harsh. Nick and Luke are working in the greenhouse. For some reason, I wasn't given a job today. Evie got fussy when her dad went to work after lunch, so I decided that the two of us would come up to the roof while he works.
I slather another coat of sunscreen on Evie's face. She fusses and tries to pull her face away, but I continue anyway. I have no idea if years from now we'll have sunscreen or ways to limit sun exposure, so I'm very particular about protecting her skin now. She has the most adorable little bucket hat on her head to provide extra protection from the sun. Her dark curls stick out from underneath it.
"I know you don't like it, Evie, but Mama has to keep you healthy," I say to her. I talk to Evie like she's an adult all the time. I tell her about the weather, about different jobs that I work, about my parents and Bethari. Of course she won't remember it, but it will help her learn how to speak.
She sits on her play mat with a teething ring grasped tightly in her hands. She brings it up to her mouth. She can now sit up entirely on her own, and just yesterday I noticed the beginnings of a tooth popping through her bottom gum line. It doesn't feel that long ago that she was just a tiny baby, and now, it won't be long before she's walking and talking.
I lean over the edge of the roof to take a look at the lurkers roaming around the parking lot below. Random lurkers usually wander into the parking lot. Sometimes they come up to the walls, but they usually lose interest pretty quickly and return to stumbling aimlessly around the parking lot. There's usually never too many at once to cause an issue, and the guards usually take them out every few days or so. There's more than usual in the parking lot right now. It doesn't look like a major problem, but most of the guards are gone on a run right now. I would take them out myself, but I still have yet to be given my gun or knife back.
The greenhouse door opens and Nick and Luke emerge. They come toward us and Evie babbles incoherently.
"We're done for the day. We're gonna have some nice tomatoes ready in the next couple days. Haven't seen tomatoes look that good since back at the farm," Nick says.
"Tomatoes were my dad's speciality. He really grew 'em good, but I think these would make him proud," Luke says.
"I really wish I could've helped you guys today," I say. I've worked in the greenhouse most days for the past few weeks. For some reason today, I wasn't assigned. I would've stepped in and helped anyway, but Bill is very particular about who does or does not work certain jobs each day.
"We managed," Luke says, wiping his hands with a rag and stepping forward to look over the edge of the roof. "Man, there's quite a few done there. Maybe I should talk to Bill about letting us help take 'em out while most of the guards are off scouting. They might not be back for a couple days yet, and if we get anymore we could have a real problem on our hands."
"Yeah, while you're at it, maybe you can ask him why the hell we haven't been able to leave the pen yet?" Nick asks with a scowl. Both him and Luke have been incessantly asking Bill everytime they see him about when we can move out of the pen. Everytime he answers with something along the lines of "wait," or "be patient." I know their asking is probably causing our extended stay in the pen to only lengthen. I still have yet to say anything to them because it will only cause more problems. So I keep it to myself, for now.
"Speak of the devil," Luke mutters under his breath.
Bill comes through the door to the roof and heads toward us, a sniper rifle in his hands. I've never seen one in real life, only in movies or pictures. I definitely wouldn't have expected us to have one here at the compound.
"Luke, Nick, go ahead and head downstairs and take Evie with you. I'd like to talk to Bea for a moment," Bill says.
"You going to snipe those lurkers?" Luke asks.
"That's the plan."
Nick picks up Evie, while Luke picks up Evie's mat and her sunscreen. Nick gives me a kiss before they retreat back downstairs.
"So, Bea," Bill starts once they're gone. "You ever shoot a gun like this before?"
"No," I answer. "My dad taught me how to shoot a pistol, starting when I was young. I had a good amount of practice before all this. But he never even let me touch a rifle or a shotgun or anything similar. Said I was too small; He didn't want his little girl to get hurt. He taught Luke and Nick though."
He nods. "So you've known Nick a while then?"
I smile. "Pretty much my whole life."
He positions the rifle on the edge of the roof and scoots a chair behind it. "So what did you do before all this?"
I furrow my brow in confusion. "I thought all my info was written down on those sheets when we first got here?" Didn't he read it?
"No one actually reads those things. It's just for show. To see who cooperates and who doesn't."
I sit still, my face showing no signs of surprise. Upon seeing this, he smiles brightly.
"And by the lack of shock from you," he says, "I think it's safe to say that deep down you knew that, didn't you?"
I nod.
"I knew you would."
I'm not sure what to make of this conversation, so I stay quiet.
"So, what did you do before all this?" He asks again.
"I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere with Luke and my parents. My family owned the farm. Nick, his mom, and Pete lived across the street and worked with us. I graduated high school, and stayed at home and got my undergraduate at a small college that wasn't too far away. I was just getting ready to start grad school when all this started."
"Grad school, hmm? For what?" He asks.
"I was planning on being a psychiatrist."
"It's a shame the world had to end. The world could've used Dr. Bea Porter," he says.
"It sure could've, but shit happens. And because of it, I have Evie now and I'm finally with Nick." Of course I think about how life would have been had the dead not risen. I would have loved to finish college and start a career, but like I said, things worked out differently.
"So, high school and your undergraduate, how was it?
I shrug. "High school was as good as high school can be I guess. It was a pretty small country school. I had some friends, ran track, graduated valedictorian. My college was pretty small too, graduated valedictorian there and was excited to start grad school."
Bill takes a seat. He begins gingerly wiping down the gun with a cloth that he produced from his back pocket. "Valedictorian in high school and college? That's a big feat, and you're brushing it off as nothing."
I shrug yet again. "My graduating class in high school had only forty-seven people. I attended a small college for my undergraduate that I could commute to in order to save money and be able to stay at home. My graduating class was only four-hundred-and-two. At any larger university I wouldn't have even been close."
"Were you any good at track?"
"For a tiny country school, yes. Anywhere else, I wouldn't have been anything special. I really only did it to get out of gym class."
"Never sell yourself short, Bea," he says seriously.
I nod, but I'm ready to drop this conversation. Don't get me wrong, I always appreciate when people congratulate me. But I absolutely hate talking about myself in a manner like this. I'm just like everybody else.
"Your brother, he go to school?"
"He got a bachelor's from the small college I got my undergrad from."
"And Nick?" Bill asks.
"Does it matter?" I counter back.
"I'll take that as a no."
"He would've, but it cost too much. You don't need a college degree to be successful or to have a good life. Besides, it's not like it would've done much good with how the world is now." I stand up for Nick. Nick had wanted to attend the same college as Luke and I, but it would've been too much money for him and his family. My parents had offered to help, but Nick and his mom refused.
"Relax, Bea. I'm just curious."
I let myself relax a bit. Maybe my response was a little too defensive, but I've been standing up for Nick my whole life, so I'm used to it.
He starts to speak again, but he's cut off by the door to the roof swinging open in a fierce and sharp manner. Tavia is standing at the top of the stairs looking both frazzled and surprised. She usually goes out on runs with the other guards, but today she was one of the few that stayed behind. She quickly fixes the door so that it's closed. She crosses the space between us in a hurry. "Sorry about that. I'm just a bit stressed. Bill I had something I needed to talk to you about. Maybe we could step into your office." She looks more than a bit stressed.
"No need," Bill says, sitting the gun down. The groans of the dead are starting to sound louder and louder, which is a bit worrying. "Anything you need to say, you can say in front of Bea."
Tavia looks taken aback, but she regains her composure. "Okay. Well, um… I've come to ask you if I can have some help with scheduling jobs and everything. I feel like I'm running around on fumes. Having to schedule everyone, train everyone, and go on runs; It's just too much."
So Tavia has been the one basically running everything for all this time. That would explain a lot.
Bill sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. Tavia looks a bit worried, like she's afraid he will say no. But eventually he says, "Jerry seems at least half-competent. He can help you out."
She nods and walks off and I realize how tired she looks.
"So Tavia does most of the administrative work around here?" I ask, hoping to not provoke an angry or aggressive response.
"I tell her what to do mostly, and she does it. Same with most of the other guards. That's what a leader does. He instructs his people and they do as he says. That leaves him free to deal with the important things, the behind the scenes things," he says.
"Or she," he adds as an afterthought.
"Yeah, but that's not really fair is it? Making your people do all the work?"
"Oh believe me, darling. I do plenty. I just do the important stuff. Stuff I don't discuss with just anyone. Think about it for just a moment. The president didn't conduct the CDC himself. He didn't lead the military himself. He appointed people to do those things for him, and he dealt with the important behind the scenes stuff himself."
It's just another instance where his logic is sound, but it doesn't make it right, not in this scenario. But I let it go, because I can't do anything about it, not yet anyway.
"Now that all of that is squared away," he says. "It's about time I teach you how to snipe."
I realize that this was his plan for today all along, but I won't be complaining. Learning to use this gun will be a valuable lesson, and I'll be glad to get all the lurkers in the parking lot to shut up.
He stands and offers me the chair. I sit while he positions the gun in front of me on the ledge.
"It's fully loaded now, but you'll have to stop several times to reload. You'll want to take out the closer ones first, because they'll all start comin' once you start shootin'."
"Where'd you get this anyway? You used to be in the military or something?"
"No," he answers. "I found it early on. Taught myself how to use it through practice."
"Are you going to tell me what you used to do before?"
"Someday," he says. "Let's get started."
He tells me where to place my hands and how to press the butt of the gun against my shoulder. As he tells me, he grabs my hands and places them where they need to be. He tells me how to look through the scope. "Now try it out," he instructs.
I look through the scope and move the gun until a lurker's head comes into view. I pick my first practice lurker. It's one that's standing pretty still. I squeeze the trigger and take the shot. It hits the lurker square in the nose and it tumbles to the ground in a heap.
"Good," he says, a bit too close to my ear for my own comfort.
The lurkers start to rile up. The ones that were already stirring around move quicker, and the ones that were stationary begin to move. I have to act quick or they will stack up against the walls and we'll have to find another means to take them out.
I hustle to take the next shot, and it bites me in the ass. The next lurker gets shot in the mouth, but it's not enough to kill it. I take another shot and it goes down. I take another shot, and another, and I don't stop except to reload until all two dozen or so of the lurkers have hit the pavement.
"You're an incredible shot," he murmurs. I put some distance between us and hand him back the gun.
"We can head down and start dragging the bodies off to be burnt," I say.
"No need. I'll have the guards take care of it." While he speaks, he gestures to the truck pulling up to the gates. The driver attempts to swerve to miss the bodies, but it's an impossible task. The truck tramples over several corpses. The group wasn't supposed to be back yet.
"Why do you think they're back so early?" I ask.
Bill leans over the side of the building while the sounds of the group clambering out of the truck can be heard. "Let's go meet them."
We exit the roof and make our way to where the guards are deserting their vehicle. They step out one by one. Each one of them is covered in mud from head to toe. The look is completed by an identical sour look pasted across each and every one of their faces.
"What the hell happened?" Bill asks, but he sounds more irritated than concerned.
"We were far out. Kept having to find different routes because so many of the roads are blocked. We finally thought we had a lead, just for us to get stuck in some killer mud. Shit was mad deep. Then those dead ones just came out of nowhere and started trying to take a bite out of us. We fought hard, man, but we got ridiculously muddy. We didn't think we could push forward any longer," says Joshua, one of the bodybuilding brothers.
"Did you get anything?" Bill says. He's exceptionally calm.
"Just a bit," Troy says, and I've never seen him look so defeated. He steps aside so that we can see into the back of the truck. A few cans of food, a container of gas, and a box filled with apples sit inside the truck. "We found an abandoned campsite with an apple tree nearby. This is all we were able to get before we got stuck."
"Alright, well, I'll have someone take this stuff to get sorted. Go get cleaned up and drop your clothes off in the laundry room. We'll run a load of laundry. Let anyone else who needs something cleaned know that we're running the laundry. Troy, when you're done, I'd like a word in my office. Bea, come with me."
The guards disperse and I trail after a fast moving William Carver. I have to take two or even three steps for every one step that he takes.
"Goddammit…" he mutters under his breath. "He knows he can't be wasting gas like that, not with us running so low for the generators."
I was afraid that we'd start running out of gas for the generators. We try to limit our electricity use to only a few vital instances, but running out completely would be awful for the wellbeing of our community. We desperately need the electricity for cooking, and although it's a want not a need, I do thoroughly enjoy taking hot showers.
"We could try to find solar panels?" I offer. "I mean I'm sure we could figure it out. My dad went to a couple farming conferences where they talked about them. He told Luke and I a bit."
"Are you saying you know how to install solar panels?"
"No… no!" My eyes grow wide. "I'm just saying between all of us I think we could figure it out eventually. It's worth a try, and it's not like we really have many other options."
"That just might be a good idea. I'll look into it. If you could start the laundry up when all those dopes are ready, please." He begins to walk off, but he stops and says to me seriously, "You're a strong woman, Bea, don't let yourself get held down by weak men."
I look at him with a perplexed expression, but he doesn't seem to notice because he's already halfway down the hallway before I get a chance to ask him what the hell that means. I shrug it off and make my way to the laundry room. He's always so cryptic and weird.
The compound had a laundry room long before we inhabited it. I imagine it was used to wash rags or maybe employee uniforms when it was still an operational store. The room is pretty small and cramped from all that it holds. There's two large white sinks that are great for washing things by hand, which is what we usually do to conserve water and energy. There's an industrial sized washer and dryer. We rarely use the washer because of the resources it takes. In fact, we've only ever run it once since I've been here. We never use the dryer; we hang everything out to dry on makeshift clothes lines.
The guards who went on the scouting trip file in one by one to drop off their dirty clothes. Other members of the community come forward to bring items that they want washed. We don't often use the washer unless we have really dirty items that need washing, but when we do run it, we make sure it's packed full. I rinse off the muddy garments in the sink before packing them into the washer.
At one point, Nick stops by with Evie to drop off some items of ours and the others in the pen. I savor the short moment I get with the two of them before they depart. I'm thankful to get to spend most of my time with them. In a normal world, I wouldn't get that chance.
"Hey," Shel says as she walks through the door shortly after Nick exits. She looks distracted, a mild frown on her face. "Just heard you were starting the washing machine while I was working. I was hoping to catch you before you started it."
"Caught me just in time," I say. "It's about full. I'm just waiting for the last person from the group that went out earlier."
"You have room for one more thing?"
"I'll make it work."
"Thanks, now just let me find it… Sorry, it might be a minute." She starts digging through a heavily packed duffle bag. "You know I didn't even know we had a washing machine. It's been so long since I've seen a working one."
"We hardly use it to save water," I say.
I watch as she digs through the bag frustratedly. Shel has been living in the pen with the rest of her group ever since they got here. I've talked to all of them, and I consider them all friends. Although, I haven't gotten extremely close or personal with any of them. Sarah definitely tried to befriend Becca, and that failed.
She tugs at an article of clothing, and it comes flying out of the bag at lightning speed. The trajectory sends her flying backward onto her butt. She laughs, a bit embarrassed. I help her up, just as I notice a familiar looking bright pink item sticking out of her bag. She catches me looking at it.
"Everything okay?" Shel asks.
"Yeah, just saw something familiar."
"This?" She pulls the coat free and holds it up.
"Yeah." I smile. It's the exact one Bethari had always worn, the one she gave me. The one I got entrails on and had to leave behind in the woods. "A friend of mine had that exact same one. Actually she gave it to me before she… before she passed away. Unfortunately it got ruined and I barely got a chance to wear it."
"Well, I know it's not the exact same one, but you can have it."
I'm taken aback. "What? No, I can't take your stuff."
"It's way too small for me. I originally found it for Becca, but she wasn't a big fan, and she found a different one anyway. It's yours." She shoves the coat into my hands and holds it there so that I cannot protest.
"Thank you. It means a lot." It's funny; before all this, I would've never touched this jacket, but now, it has a much bigger meaning.
Her body shifts toward the door, but she stops in her tracks and turns ever so slightly back to me. "I had a friend that I lost too, a best friend. She was- well, nevermind."
"What is it?" I urge her to continue.
"Well, maybe I liked her as more than a friend." She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "It was stupid. She never would have liked me back anyway."
"I'm sure she did, Shel."
The smallest of smiles graces her face as she thanks me, but it diminishes in an instant. "It doesn't matter now anyway. She's dead, or at least I'm pretty sure she is."
"You never know," I say.
"Before I came here, before I met up with the others, Becca and I were a part of this other group. My friend, Stephanie was a part of the group too. Our leader was this guy named Roman. Everything was good for a long while. Eventually he stopped letting us make decisions for ourselves. One day Stephanie apparently stole supplies and was attempting to escape the camp. Roman ordered me to kill her, but I couldn't, so I stole the group's RV and I took off with Becca. I never even got a chance to talk to her again. I should've done something else, but I just… couldn't put Becca in danger. We had to get out of there."
I pull her in for a hug, because I can tell that a tear or two are about to escape her eyes and she doesn't want me to see. She's quite a bit taller than me. "You did what you had to. You can't beat yourself up over it forever."
She hugs me back, and when she pulls away, I notice the nearly invisible trail of a tear that she's tried to hide. She thanks me and leaves.
I take the shirt that she wanted me to wash in my hands. Upon examination, I notice what appears to be a spaghetti stain down the front of it. I'm willing to bet that Becca did that, but tried to play it cool. Thankfully for her, there's a huge bottle of stain remover on a shelf above the washer. I generously apply the cloudy white liquid onto the stain. I let it settle into the stain and I sit back to wait for the last person.
Vince finally makes his way into the laundry room. He was the final member of the muddy group that I was waiting on. Vince still lives with us in the pen, and thus he is not officially a guard. Bill sent him out with the group today to test his skills and search for potential. Hopefully Vince isn't too worried that this will hinder his future plans, and hopefully Bill doesn't hold this against Vince. What happened today wasn't Vince's fault, in fact, it wasn't anyones'. I understand the concerns regarding gas usage, but Bill should've been happy that his group came back in one piece.
"Sorry, I had to take a detour. I didn't even know this was here until today."
"No worries." I turn the cold water on in one of the sinks and begin running his clothes through the stream. The mud flows into the basin, turning the water into a dark murky abyss. "I just talked to Shel and got to know her a little better. It made me realize that we live together and I don't know much about you. What's your story?"
"Well, it's not a good story." He leans his body against the frame of the door, keeping his eyes steady on the stream of the water.
"I'd love to hear, if you're willing to tell."
"I can't believe I'm telling you this but… I killed a guy. God it sounds so bad, and hopefully it doesn't make you resent me but I did it to protect my brother. I was actually on my way to prison when all this started. Got stuck on the highway in the prison bus. All hell broke loose, had to do some shit to get out of there. Eventually I met up with the others in my group, and now we're here," he finishes, and now his eyes are on the floor instead. When he said that he killed someone before all this started, my eyes widened a bit, but thankfully he didn't notice. Knowing someone that killed before the fall is intense, and maybe a bit scary. But Vince has had countless opportunities to harm the people of this community or the people of his group before they came here, and he never has.
When he finally glances at me again, I shrug. "I killed a guy too."
He looks beyond shocked. "I assume after all this started. Who was it?"
"My dad."
The shock on his face doesn't go away, but it gains a new friend with the addition of sympathy spread across his features.
"It was shortly after the outbreak. We all got cornered somewhere. The dead were ravenous. They just started tearing my dad apart, my mom too. All I could hear was their screams, their agony. I just wanted it to stop so bad. I barely even registered what I was doing, but I took the shots. Hit them both right in the head, and that was it. And now I have to live with it."
"Hey," he says a bit fiercely. "You did the right thing. You ended their misery. Don't ever think otherwise."
I look at him, my face solemn. "I know it was the right thing, but it wasn't the easy thing."
His former garments are free from excess mud, so I move to the washer. I have to stuff the washer to the brim, and I even have to push my entire body against the mound of clothing to get the door to shut. Once it reluctantly does, I add the detergent and start the cycle.
"On a lighter note, how was life before all this?" Vince asks.
"I was a farm girl, surprisingly." I pause and laugh at the expected look of shock on his face. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It was my family's choice, so I didn't have much choice. But I had actually just moved out and was getting ready to start graduate school when this all started."
"Sweet," he says. "What for?"
"I wanted to be a psychiatrist."
He smiles. "Now that makes sense. C'mon let's head to dinner, it should be about ready."
Outside of the cafeteria area, Vince stops me. "I would appreciate it if you kept that information about me private. I'm not sure how other people might react upon hearing that."
"Your secret is safe with me. But do me a favor and don't go sharing my story around either. Nobody needs to hear my sob-story." I reach my hand up and hold out my pinky finger for a pinky swear. He laughs and to my surprise, he reciprocates the gesture. It's childish, I know. But I need a pick-me-up right now after telling that heavy story about my past.
Vince and I head our separate ways once we reach the picnic tables. Vince takes a seat at a table with Wyatt. I take a seat at our usual table. Evie sits in a tall high chair at the edge of the table. Nick feeds her carrot flavored baby food out of a jar. We found a lot of baby food in the past few months. Evie just started eating it recently.
Nick greats me as I sit and even Evie makes a happy noise. Luke, on the other hand, is too busy eating to even notice me. Nick already got food for both himself and myself. My plate holds a few pieces of sliced apples, and to my surprise, a slice of pizza. The pizza is just dough, sauce, and some parmesan cheese out of the bottle, but I'm thrilled to see pizza for the first time in well over a year. Carlo really went all out tonight. Despite his limited ingredients, I have confidence that this pizza will taste amazing.
After an obviously delicious tasting dinner and hanging the freshly cleaned clothes up to dry, I make my way back to the pen, just as the guard is closing the gate for the night. Luke, Nick, Martha, and Sarah are sitting on the floor playing a card game, most likely Sarah's idea. Evie sits in Nick's lap, reaching out for his cards, probably wanting to chew on them. He looks at me, smiles and laughs, but I can tell that he's actually having a hard time keeping the cards out of her grasp without Luke catching a glance at his cards.
I head into my tent, rubbing my shoulder that is sore from the kickback of the rifle. I plan to drop my things off before joining the card game. I turn to leave, but something catches my eye. The tip of something dark sticks out of my backpack. I reach into the bag and to my surprise, my gun is sitting in my hand for the first time in months. A note card is tied to it by a little red string. I unravel it.
It simply reads:
Bea,
You're a great shot. Someday you might be needing this. It's probably best to keep this information to yourself, for the time being at least. The others might be jealous.
Bill
Stunned, I check to make sure that the safety is on before carefully tucking it into my bag. I crumple up the note and stash it in there too, though I'll just end up throwing it away tomorrow when I'm around a trash can. As I stash them in my bag I see something else that catches my eye underneath Nick and I's cot. It's a blade, glinting ever so slightly in the light of our little kerosene lamp.
I reach for it. It's my knife that I had to fork over the day we got here. Along with it is both the holster for my knife and the one for my gun. There's a note card wrapped around the handle of the knife. It's the same as the other one, except this one is tied with a blue string.
You seemed fond of these too.
I reach for a towel to wrap them up to hide under the bed, but Luke comes through the flap of the tent, which I stupidly left mostly unzipped. "Hey, I was just coming to get you-" He stops mid-sentence. "Woah."
"I just came in here and found it. My gun too."
He steps closer to me and examines the knife in my hands. "Who put it here you think?"
"Bill," I say. "He left a note."
"What'd he say?"
"Said I was a good shot, and I might be needing them. He also said I should maybe keep it to myself for a while because the others might be jealous. But I was planning on telling everyone anyway."
"Damn right I'm jealous, but it needed to happen. One of us in here needs protection. He seems to like you, so maybe if you stay on his good side we'll eventually be let out of here."
"Ha! Yeah right, but I guess I can try. I'll leave this in here and plan to tell the others tomorrow. That way, I can actually carry them around. In case the need ever arises to use them."
"Sounds good. Now c'mon. We need you for this next game."
October 1, 2004
"You wanted to see me?" I ask, creaking open the door to Bill's office.
"Yes, please come in."
I step into his office, which is becoming a familiar occurrence. He has started calling me up here more in the past few weeks. He usually wants to talk about recent occurrences and plans in the compound. I actually enjoy knowing what is going on around here, and although he encourages me not to share the information, I almost always end up telling Nick or Luke or both. The information he's been sharing recently isn't even major, so I don't see a reason to keep it confidential. Maybe it's a power and control thing.
"I've been thinking about what you said about the solar panels. We are running dangerously low on fuel for the generators. If we don't do something soon, we'll be without warm water and a working kitchen within the month."
"Okay," I say, taking a seat. "I don't know the area well but there has to be some somewhere around here, right?"
Solar power and the like wasn't widely used before the fall, but eco-friendly options were starting to gain traction. Howe's Hardware is located in Tennessee, where there's plenty of agriculture, so I'm sure someone somewhere used them or sold them. In fact, I'm a little bit surprised that Howe's didn't carry any small ones.
"Precisely," he says. "There's a large mall about twenty-five miles from here. We've seen it from a distance a few times, never really got close to it because it's in the outskirts of a city. We figured it would be too overrun anyway. But recently, Jerry overheard us talking about it. He was a local of the area. Said that it went up only a few years back, but most importantly: he said that right at the start they chained the place up-before things even got bad. They were worried about stealing I guess. My point is, it was a high end mall. It'll likely have plenty of supplies we could use."
"Do you think it would have solar panels, or something else we could use?"
"It has a huge tractor and farm supply store on one end. If they were going to be anywhere, they would be there."
I smile. This is exactly what we need. "Great! When are you sending a group out?"
"Right now, if you're ready."
"Me? You want me to go?"
"I need you to go."
I'm incredulous that he's asking me to come with him, considering that we have still yet to be let out of the pen, but I'll be happy to get out of here. I adjust my gun in its holster, which I told everyone about pretty much immediately, much to Bill's unamusement. "Let me go get Nick and my stuff together and we can go."
"Nick?" Bill asks.
"Yeah, just figured he would come if I am, unless that's a problem?"
"Nope," he shakes his head, but I can tell that there is something else on his mind. "This might be a two or three day mission, so make sure to pack some extra provisions on the off chance we come up empty handed or god-forbid we get separated. Check in with Carlo and he can provide some non-perishables for you to pack for our journey. Be at the truck ready to go in ten minutes.
Inside the pen, I'm surprised to see that everyone is still there. Alvin is still asleep, but everyone else is stirring around in some way. Even Becca is awake and sitting in the corner sulking.
Sarah sees me first, and she jogs up to me. "Bea! Bill gave everyone the day off today. Isn't that awesome?"
"Yeah that's great!" I say to her, my voice bright, but then it turns a bit awkward for my next statement. I'm nervous to deliver it because I know how certain people may react. "But Bill is planning a run and Nick and I are going with him."
It gets really quiet in the pen, painfully quiet. This definitely comes as a surprise to everyone.
"Uhh, you sure about that? I mean both of you leaving Evie?" Luke questions.
I'd considered that aspect, of course. I don't want to leave her alone for a day or two, hell, I don't even want to leave her for a few hours. But if we lived in a normal world, she would have to be away from us during work hours. Here, the most she's ever been away from Nick or I is a few hours, and she's always with the other parent during these times. I don't want her to become too attached and develop separation anxiety as she grows.
"She'll be with you and everyone else here. Being away from her for just a little bit will be fine. Besides, if everything goes according to plan, we should be back by tonight."
"And how will she eat while you're gone?" Luke crosses his arms, a stern look on his face.
"She's drank from a bottle before; she can do it again. And she has plenty of baby food. I believe that Martha will have no problem watching her granddaughter." On occasion I have given her a bottle with formula, and she drank it just fine.
He sighs. "Fine, but be careful."
"I was planning on it." I turn to Nick. "C'mon let's pack our stuff and say goodbye to Evie."
"So what's this secret mission we're going on?" Nick asks once we're inside of our tent with the flap closed.
"Heading to a mall about twenty-five miles away. Apparently it's been locked up since before the fall. It'll have lots of supplies hopefully. Most importantly, there's a farm supply store that might have solar panels."
"That's good. Been a while since we've been out there. I'll miss Evie while we're gone, but honestly it'll be good for us. We can't get too comfortable sitting around in here and forget what it's like out there. Did Bill request for us to go?"
"I agree with you, and uh, Bill kinda forced me to go and I figured if I go, then you are coming with me," I say.
He smiles. "Damn right."
We pack ourselves one backpack each with some basic provisions and supplies. We have a few minutes left before our departure time, so we head toward the kitchens to get some food to take. Nick carries Evie, and Luke, Martha, Pete, and Bonnie follow behind us. Carlo gives us plenty of food to take, and my bag is packed so full that it weighs heavy on my shoulders.
We reach the truck shortly before Bill is ready to leave. He's at the truck with a few other people, loading some weapons into it. Nick hands Evie over to me so that I can say goodbye. I was very adamant about the importance of going on this trip. I still acknowledge that it is vital for me to go, but I don't want to say goodbye to my little baby.
Evie reaches out and grasps a strand of my hair in her tiny hands. She doesn't pull on it, just holds it in her grasp. Even with how young she is, she can sense that something is happening. "I have to go, but just for a little bit, sweetie. I promise I'll be back soon. Be good for your grandma and Uncle Luke and everyone else."
Nick says his goodbye and I hand Evie over to Martha. "Seriously, you be careful out there," Luke says."
I roll my eyes. "Yes, Lucas, I will be careful."
Bonnie laughs. "Luke is short for Lucas? How come I never knew that?"
"Because I hate to be called that," Luke says through narrowed eyes.
"Here's this, for now," says Bill as he walks up to us, a gun and knife for Nick in hand.
Nick tucks the gun into his waistband, and his knife into the sheath hanging from his belt. "Good. I was just coming to ask you for one."
I climb inside of the cab of the truck and smile, my eyes on Evie. Sadness builds deep in my gut as the idea of leaving her becomes reality. This is for the best, and it's only for a little while.
We drive off. The last thing I see is a big tear running down Evie's face while Martha and Luke try to comfort her.
The first twenty miles or so pass by without an issue. We have to take back roads because the majority of main roads are blocked by abandoned vehicles. We're making great time until we hit the part of our drive where we have to travel on main roads to reach the mall. Of course, the first main road we try is completely blocked. The second road we try is impassable as well. So is the third road. Finally, the fourth road grants us passage as we make our way into the outskirts of the city. Cities got hit first by the infection, which ran rampant through them in the early days. It's more than likely that the city will be crawling with lurkers. Thankfully this mall isn't in the heart of the city, but we still have to be alert.
The detours we took end up adding well over an hour to our trip. We roll up to the front of the mall. The mall itself is massive, and so is the parking lot, which is mostly empty. There's one car sitting near the outer edge of the parking lot. Its hood is popped open, as if someone had stopped here with car troubles while trying to evacuate the city. The passenger side door is open. Blood splatters cover the car seat and the front of the car. Poor people never even got a chance.
There's plenty of trash stirring around in the parking lot. There's a few lurkers too, but otherwise it's eerily quiet. Bill puts the truck in park. The three of us jump out of the cab. Bill heads to the back to let Tavia and Troy out, while Nick and I move toward the lurkers stumbling toward us. We each take down a few, leaving us living people as the only ones standing in the parking lot.
"Been a while," Nick mumbles.
We approach the main doors of the mall, which are chained and padlocked shut, just like Jerry said. "Now to figure out how to get in…" Bill says.
"You didn't think of that before we got here?" Nick gripes.
Bill pretends to not hear Nick as he looks around the area.
"We got bolt cutters in the truck, could probably cut through the chains," Troy says.
Tavia stands hunched over with her hands on her knees, examining the doors. "Wouldn't work. This door is locked behind the chains. Even if we cut them, we would have to break the door down, which could potentially lead to the place getting overrun."
I step away from the others and look over the awning that sits above the doors. There's a window above it that is open a bit. "I could probably fit through that window if someone can help me get up there."
The others join me where I stand, shading their eyes from the sun with their hands while they peer up at the window.
"Absolutely not, we don't know what's in there-" Nick starts.
"It could work," Bill ponders. "But how would you help us get in there?"
I look around quickly, trying to formulate a plan. "There," I say, pointing to a door about twenty feet away that isn't chained up from the outside. "I could unlock it."
Nick tries to interject, but Bill interrupts him before he gets a chance. "Sounds good, I'll help you up there."
Nick wedges himself between me and Bill, a sour look on his face. "I got it."
I drop my bag off of my shoulders and step into Nick's interlocked hands so he can lift me up. He lifts me up as far as he can, but I have to do the rest of the work. My hands grip the edge of the awning and I use all my might to pull myself up. I have never had a lot of upper body strength, but I have to force myself onto the roof of the awning. I slip through the window just barely, and land on top of a vending machine. The vending machine shakes, but thankfully doesn't fall as I catch my footing.
"You okay?" Nick yells after hearing the loud thud.
"I'm good! Give me just a minute!"
I climb down from the vending machine carefully so that it doesn't tip over on top of me. I remember reading a statistic that vending machines cause more deaths per year than sharks. I locate the door and am thrilled to find out that opening it is as easy as unlocking two locks and pushing the double doors open.
Everyone files into the silent mall. The majority of the stores are shuttered and closed, but the inside is just as massive as the outside appeared. It's so long that I can't even see the other end of the mall. The inside of the mall is almost completely intact, except for the decorative potted plants that are long dead. A family of raccoons jumps down from one of the pots and scurries away. They must've got in through the same window that I came in.
"Let's go over the plan," Bill starts. We gather around him to listen. "The farm supply store is at the other end. Tavia and Troy and I will work on getting in there. Nick and Bea can try to get into this store."
Nick and I look over our shoulders at the large store behind us. "Anything in particular we're looking for?" Nick asks.
"The solar panels are the main thing. Everyone else, just grab anything that's useful. You can grab some things for personal enjoyment as well. Here." Bill tosses me a walkie-talkie that has definitely seen better days. "I've got the other one. We can use it to see how each other are doing or if we get into any trouble."
As they walk away, I examine the entrance to the store we were assigned to search. It has a huge entryway that is blocked by the metal gate that stores put down when they close. However, the gate doesn't go all the way to the floor. There's a tiny gap, like the person closing it got distracted. Lucky for us.
I lower myself to the floor to slide through the opening. I am able to succeed, but just narrowly. Once inside, I open the gate for Nick.
"What's wrong?" Nick asks.
"I'm fine, my boobs just hurt from being smashed against the floor." I laugh and the two of us get a look throughout the store. It's huge; the only store in the mall bigger than it is probably the farm supply store. Thankfully, it has plenty of windows, so we don't need to use our flashlights. Everywhere I look, I see supplies.
"Gold mine," Nick says as he walks past me. It's the most excited I've seen him in a while. He grabs a bright red shopping cart and pushes it toward me before getting one for himself. "Looks safe enough to split up and cover more ground, but stay alert."
"I'll start over here, you start over there, we'll meet in the middle."
I drift through the aisles taking it all in. The closest mall to my house was close to an hour drive, and even then it wasn't as big as this one. Nick and I used to go on most Saturday mornings, and my family liked to take us all sometimes. When it was only Nick and I, we didn't often go into department stores, but my mom loved them. But judging by the prices in this place, we never would've shopped here.
I fill one cart up incredibly fast with artisanal soaps, lotions, deodorants, toothbrushes, toothpaste, sunscreen, shampoos and conditioners for all different hair types, and designer perfumes and colognes. I am sure to get enough hygiene products for everyone at the compound, plus plenty of extras for the future. Several shades of lipstick, blush, and eyeshadows, some mascara, and make up brushes make their way into the cart as well. Dorothea had mentioned that she likes makeup but had been out for ages.
I park the cart in front of the entrance and grab another. This one fills up quickly too with blankets and pillows. We're going to need them if we're still locked in the pen come winter, and by the looks of it, we will be.
As I'm parking that cart, I see Nick pulling not one but two carts. "What did you find?" I ask him.
"A couple of new brooms and mops, cleaning supplies, and more baby food," he says about the first cart.
"And that cart?" I ask, getting a closer look. I start laughing when I see what the cart holds. Condoms. A lot of them.
"Well, hey, I just thought we better stock up now."
I smack his arm playfully with the sleeve of my baggy sweater. It's funny, but I'm glad that he thought to grab so many. I am never getting pregnant again, and that is a promise. "I'm surprised they even sold them here. This place seems so… snooty. Like they would act like sex was a crime."
"Yeah, actually it was funny. They're in the same aisle with baby food and period products."
"Have you never noticed that almost every store is set up that way?"
He shrugs innocently. "Hey, I never bought any before so I never paid any attention."
"And about those period products? You should most definitely grab them," I say.
"What kind? And how many?"
"All of them."
Nick disappears with another cart, and I follow suit. I grab a ton of gummy vitamins for teens for Sarah and Becca. I find some CD Walkman players with headphones. I grab one for myself and one for Becca. I know which CDs to take for myself, but with Becca it's a guessing game. My hope is that if she has some music to listen to, she'll spend less time being visibly and audibly annoyed by Sarah, which is quite understandably upsetting to Sarah.
I pass through an alcohol aisle that contains only various wines and champagnes. For a moment I hope that Nick doesn't see this aisle, but then I realize that he's strong enough to fight off urges. Besides, Nick was never a wine guy. The cart collects a few bottles of Italian wine that I'm sure will make Carlo happy.
I collect a variety of board games and puzzles to give us something to do. By now, the cart is full so I have to get another. I fill the new one up with toys for Evie, a portable DVD player that can be charged, and some educational DVDs for babies and toddlers. I nab as many batteries as I can find, setting some aside for the new Walkmans. I'm thrilled to find a portable space heater. We'll be needing it to help keep Evie warm during the cold months. Lastly, I find a new set of chargeable Walkie-Talkies that can hopefully replace the junky ones that we're using today.
Nick is pushing another cart back to the entrance at the same time as me. "Assorted fancy pastas that I didn't know existed, and sauce to match. Also a ton of fancy spices and oils," he says.
"Carlo is going to love working with that."
"So what do we do now? I'm sure there's tons more that we could take from here but I wonder if the others are done?"
I press down on the Walkie's button and speak into it, "We've got a lot of stuff already, how is it coming along with you?"
"We were struggling to get into the place. I left Tavia and Troy to figure it out while I scouted the rest of the mall. There were a couple small stores left open so I checked them out. Hopefully they should be ready by the time I get back."
"So what should we do in the meantime?"
"See if there's anything else you'd like to grab, otherwise you can start loading things into the truck or just wait around," his voice comes through the Walkie mumbled but still audible.
I turn to Nick. "So…"
"So…" He says back to me, his hand suddenly holding onto the cart full of condoms.
"Wow," I say, feigning aversion and offence.
"Sorry, I was just joking-"
"Oh, come on," I say, cutting him off with a kiss. "You know me better than that."
"You know they could come in here right now and we would be butt-ass naked, right?" Nick asks as we lie on one of the dining tables in the department store that somehow managed to not break. I guess these absurdly expensive tables are well made after all.
"Yeah, it doesn't seem like they are going to be done any time soon." Bill had hoped that they would get into the store soon, but judging from the loud clanging noise of a metal gate being hit with a blunt object only moments ago, I assume that they still have yet to access the store. "But we should probably try to be productive."
We dress ourselves. As I'm pulling my sweater over my head I formulate an idea, "We should get a table and chairs for the pen."
"What? That one?" Nick nods to the one we just used.
"No, that one is… tainted." I look around at the dozens of dining tables surrounding us. "That one." I point to the table a few spaces over. It has dark mahogany wood and is surrounded by eight matching chairs.
"Holy shit." He lifts the price tag from around one of the legs and takes a peek. This one is really nice. It might even be the most expensive here, which I don't care about of course. I think the dark wood is really nice, and it's huge. If we're going to live in the pen, we might as well spruce the place up a bit. And we could use somewhere to sit besides the floor or some shitty, broken lawn chairs.
"We should get a bookshelf. Too bad this store doesn't sell books. But we might find more in the future, and it would be nice to have somewhere to put them. And we should get a rug too, for under the table."
"Your mom would be proud," Nick says, and I smile. Damn right she would be proud. She loved decorating.
We pick out a bookshelf pretty quickly and move it toward the entrance. We leave the table and chairs for later because Nick insists someone else can help him carry them. The rugs are in the back so we head toward there. On the way, we hear a noise coming from a hallway that has a sign above it. The sign reads Restrooms and Staff Area. The sound sounds remarkably undead, so we travel through the hallway with our weapons at the ready. The sight is both one of the most pitiful and disgusting things that I've ever seen, which is saying a lot in this world.
At the end of the long, dim hallway is a turnstile. On one side of the turnstile is a pair of legs. On the other side is a chest, arms, and head, undead and desperately snapping its jaw. The two are connected by long strands of intestines and other organs that are entangled within the arms of the turnstile. He's wearing a shirt that I can barely make out to read Security.
"Damn…" Nick mutters. "I don't even know how this would have happened."
"Me neither."
"If he got bit, there could be other lurkers in here."
"He probably got bit at the very beginning. He might've got hired to watch over the place when they locked it up before things got bad. Maybe he came into work one day, got bit on the way in, and didn't know what would happen. Poor dude."
"You might be right on the money, considering how quiet the rest of this place is," Nick says. He leans down and strains his neck to try and look beneath the lurker. "Name tag says 'A. Moseby.'"
"Well sorry this happened to you, A. Moseby." I stab my knife into his skull, which squelches and oozes dark colored blood.
"Let's go get that rug." He leads me away, his hand on the small of my back.
Even after loading everything into the truck except for the table and chairs, Bill and the others are still not done. There aren't any stores on this side of the mall that are open, so Nick and I are just about to head down to help the others when something piques my interest. "That bookstore has a little opening above the gate. I could squeeze through."
"You've squeezed through two small openings today. I don't think you need to go through another."
"Sarah would really like to have some books, and I would like a couple as well."
He groans. "Fine, but be careful. I don't want this to be the opposite of third time's a charm."
He lifts me up and I manage to fall through the opening. I'm smart enough to not catch myself with my hands and wind up with broken wrists. Unfortunately, that means that my rib cage takes the brunt of it all. Hopefully nothing is broken, but it'll definitely be sore tomorrow.
"Bea! Are you okay?"
"I'll have a couple of bruises but I'll be fine-"
I'm cut off by not one, but two lurkers who get the jump on me. One falls directly on top of me, while the other falls directly on top of the first lurker. I reach for my knife in its holster, but remember that both it and my gun fell out during my fall before I hit the ground. It's barely out of my arm's reach, but I don't know if I can reach for it and hold two lurkers away from tearing into my throat. I can hear Nick outside the store, desperately banging at the gate and trying to get in to no avail. I use my right arm and all my strength to push against the two lurkers. My left hand is free to strain for my knife. I grasp the handle and plunge it deep into the first lurker's skull. I struggle to pull it out and stab the second lurker, but I manage. The hardest part comes when I have to push the deadweight off of me. Thankfully, they seem to be lighter than the average lurker due to not having a food supply.
"Fine… I'm fine!" I shout to Nick as I groan, barely lifting the bodies off of me and crawling away from them. I get to my feet and catch my breath. I notice that my burgundy sweater is torn from the bottom hem to nearly the neckline. "Dammit…" I mutter. I really liked that sweater. Oh well, at least I'm still alive.
I open the gate for Nick who rushes in. "Dammit, Bea. You're never doing that again." I agree to appease him but we both know there probably will be a next time.
I pull the scrap of fabric that was formerly my sweater off and throw it on the bodies. Just as I'm reaching for one of the display tee shirts on the mannequins, Bill and Troy enter the store.
"Hello," Bill says, his eyes wide.
"Uh, excuse me," Nick says, full of jealousy.
I pull the tee shirt one, which happens to be from a band I used to listen to. It's an awkward situation, but worse things could have happened. For starters, I could be dead, which would be way more awkward.
"We finally got in and found some stuff. I was going to come back here and see if you needed any help packing up the truck before we moved it to the other end to load up what we found."
"Any solar panels?" I ask.
"Only a few, but it'll be enough to keep us going."
"We just needed a table and some chairs moved. You two can come with me while Bea picks out some books," Nick says.
They leave me to my own devices. I fill up a large box with books. Some I picked out with Sarah in mind. Some I picked out with Evie in mind. Some I picked out for myself in mind. The box is incredibly heavy, but manageable. I'm halfway out of the store, when something catches my eye. There's a note on the counter.
I read through it.
Oh god. I'm bit. Letty's leg is fucked. We were being chased by some dude trying to rob us. We should've just let him. A deadie got the jump on us, causing Letty to hurt her leg and me to get bit. Her leg is bad, probably broken. We found this place with the window busted out. We jumped in trying to lose the guy. Seems we succeeded but it'll be the last thing we do. Jumping in here just made her leg worse and me weaker. We lost all our weapons, and neither of us is strong enough to try and get out of here. In a day's time, I'll die and turn and there will be nothing she can do to stop me. Oh god, I'm going to eat my wife. If anyone ever finds me, make sure to bash my skull in extra hard for what I've done.
I take another look at the bodies. The commotion made me not even question how two lurkers got into a locked store. I feel horrible for these people. I couldn't imagine what they each went through in their final moments.
I leave the dead couple in the book shop and leave in search of the others.
"So… about letting us out of the pen…" Nick starts for the third time in an hour.
"I like it better when you aren't talking," Bill responds.
Nick slumps in his seat and stops talking, for good this time. Probably.
We're heading back to Howe's. We got everything stuffed into the back of the truck, along with Tavia and Troy who are probably beyond uncomfortable right now. Besides the stuff Nick and I got in the department store and bookstore, the others got a few solar panels, tools, a nice ladder, and plenty of wood for working on new projects. I also smashed open some of the vending machines and collected a ton of candy and snacks.
Bill turns on a new road. "Wait, we should stop," I say.
"Why?" The two of them ask, nearly in unison.
"That place up on the hill. There's fences and tents sent up. Looks like it's an abandoned refugee site or something."
"So?" asks Nick.
"So… they could have some important supplies."
"Smart call," Bill says. "The truck won't make it up that hill. We'll leave it here and you and I can check it out."
"I thought we just agreed that you'd stop going places by yourself," Nick says sternly.
"She won't be alone, she'll be with me. We'll make it quick. Tavia and Troy probably want a breather anyway."
We jump out of the truck and open the back for Tavia and Troy. Tavia nearly falls out of the truck as she stretches. "Hallelujah," she rejoices in the open air.
At the top of the hill, Bill and I slip through a hole in the fence. I'm right about this being an abandoned refugee camp. There's no one in sight, but plenty of supplies lying around. A place like this was probably set up by the military or maybe a non-profit organization early on as a 'sanctuary for all.' We'd seen those places advertised all over in the early days, but just like this one, they all fell through in one way or another.
I shove a few things that are lying around in my bag. Bill wanders off, and I find him minutes later emerging from a large tent in the center of the camp.
"What was in there?" I ask.
"Not much," he says, but I know he's lying because he entered the camp with an empty duffle bag and it definitely is not empty now. "I found a couple vaccines that are labeled for different stages for infants. Not sure if they're still good but we could always try, right?"
"Oh my god, that's great!" It makes me forget about how he probably just lied to me about not finding much in the tent. "I've been so worried about Evie not having any vaccinations since there's so many people in the compound."
"Well, no need to worry any more. Let's get back to the truck."
"Hold on. I saw an axe outside of the fence that could be useful."
I climb over the tall fence on the backside of the camp. This area is heavily wooded. I start to pull the axe from the tree stump it's stuck in, but then I hear them. The groans of the dead. Lots of them. At least two dozen are surrounding me faster than I thought possible. I curse at myself for not hearing them sooner.
"Bea, get back here!" Bill shouts, but I believe it's too late. They've surrounded me so much that I can barely hear or see him.
"Get back to the rendezvous point! I'll meet you there!" I shout back. Bill had pointed out a rendezvous point about three miles away that we would stay at in case someone got separated or it was too late to travel.
I leave the axe, and try to make a run for it into the woods. There's one lurker blocking my path. To save time, I draw my gun and take a shot. The bullet flies past it and into a nearby tree, chunking out the bark. "Shit!" This is why it's important to not get so comfortable living in the safe fortress that is Howe's. I take another shot, this time the bullet hits the lurker between the eyes.
I run into the woods, the lurkers hot on my trail. I'm fast enough to get well ahead of them, but I know I won't be able to outrun them. They don't tire, and I would have to run for hours before they lose interest. By then I probably wouldn't even be able to make it to the rendezvous point before nightfall, or maybe at all.
I keep running, trying to formulate a plan. I could potentially climb a tree, but the lurkers will still probably see me or smell me and then I'll be stuck with nowhere to go. Suddenly, I spot a small cabin, or what used to be a cabin. It's mostly burnt, and offers no protection. Luckily for me, there's a metal trap door in the grass outside. I recognize it as a storm cellar. I throw the door open and climb into the dark hole, hoping that there's nothing down here that will chomp on me. I close the door and hop off the ladder, instantly feeling for my flashlight. I click it on and look around. I'm safe, for now.
A few minutes later, I feel and hear the shuffling feet of the dead go over the top of the hatch. It takes a while for the entire horde to pass by, and I give it extra time before I emerge to make sure they are out of range. Once I surface, I feel a tinge of worry. Darkness is approaching quickly and I have no idea how far away I am from the rendezvous point. I survived getting lost on my own before, so what makes this time any different? I just need to gather my bearings and try to find my way back. I was never very good at directions, but I try to remember everything my dad always tried to teach me and Luke. The information about directions always stuck with Luke better than it did with me. So the rendezvous point is definitely that way. Or maybe it's that way.
I walk for a mile in what very well could be the wrong direction. I hear a twig snap behind me. I spin on my feet, expecting a lurker but instead find a girl. She's no more than seventeen or eighteen, with fiery red curls and freckles that cover her skin that is tanned from the sun. She stands with a steak knife pointed at me, her hand shaking.
"Just give me some food, just a little bit and I won't hurt you," she demands.
I put my hands up and slowly walk toward her. "Just relax-"
"I know you have some! Your bag looks full."
"Shh… There's lurkers in the area," I say. She jumps at my words and frantically looks around. "I do have some food, and I'll give it to you. But I'm actually a part of a larger group. We have lots of food, running water, shelter… You can come back with me if you like."
She looks at me like I'm pulling a prank on her. When she realizes that I'm not, she smiles a little. "I just tried to rob you and you're letting me come with you?"
"Yes," I say. "You're young and hungry. It would be cruel to leave you here. Plus I could tell that you weren't actually going to harm me."
"Oh, yeah…" She looks down sheepishly. "It was that obvious, huh?"
"It was pretty obvious. If you ever get in a position where you actually need to use a knife, hold it like this." I reposition the knife in her hand. "Makes it easier to stab and harder to be disarmed."
"Thanks… I'm Sofia."
"Bea. Here." I toss her a bottle of water and a couple granola bars and a cup of applesauce. I start to dig through my bag to locate the spoon that I packed, but she's already torn open the applesauce container and started slurping it.
"I guess I should probably tell you that I'm a part of a larger group too," she says after she finishes. "I mean, I only met them two days ago, but it would be kind of cruel to leave them in the dust after they saved me."
"They can come too, as long as you're all good people."
"They are. I can lead you to them."
I nod and she starts leading me through the forest. I don't think this girl is untrustworthy, but I keep my weapons close just in case. I also worryingly keep an eye on the sky, hoping that we can meet with her group and make it back to my group before nightfall.
"I was with my immediate family when all this started. I have a big extended family, and we were all close. We tried contacting them when things got really bad, but no calls would ever go through. My dad and siblings died pretty early on, so it was just Mom and me for a really long time. She protected me. Then about three weeks ago we got separated. I just kept running in circles for about a day, trying to avoid the dead but not knowing what to do. I found her body shortly after that. She had been bitten and had taken herself out. I just took our supplies and ran. Two days ago I ran out of food and was cornered. This group found me and saved me. I was a bit reluctant to join them because they're all guys, and well you know how some all guy groups can be these days. But they're not like that. Unfortunately, they had just run out of food as well."
"How many are in your group?" I'm surprised that she's offering me all of this information unprovoked, considering that we just met minutes before.
"There's me and the four guys. Apparently they've only been together for a month, so I don't think they know each other very well either. Our place is just right up here."
She leads me down a dirt path covered by decorative archways that are overgrown with ivy. There's a tiny cabin nestled in between many trees. She opens the door and immediately a man starts reprimanding her.
"Sofia, how could you? We told you not to go out on your own. You could've been killed. Arthur is worried sick. He went out looking for you, you know?"
I stand awkwardly in the doorway listening to the conversation. No one pays me any attention except for the one man standing off to the side who raises his hand in greeting and speaks to me, "Hi, random girl."
I reciprocate the wave, still feeling awkward. At this point, the man speaking to Sofia stops and realizes that I'm here. "Sofia, who have you brought with you?"
"This is Bea. She gave me some food, and said we can come back with her group. They have shelter and lots of food!"
"That sounds delightful, but we'll have to wait until Arthur gets back before we make a final decision. Sorry about telling Sofia off, we were just worried about her is all. I'm George." He holds a hand out for me to shake, and I do. He's an inch or two taller than Alvin even, which is saying a lot. He has dark skin and a fresh scar across his cheek.
"I'm Reggie," says the dude who noticed me right away.
"Dean," says the other guy who has previously stood silent and unbothered in the corner during this entire interaction. He's probably a few years older than me, with dark hair and dark circles under his eyes that stand out against his extremely pale skin.
The back door to the cabin opens and in walks a man with greying hair. "I couldn't find her-" He looks up and locks eyes with me. We both recognize each other at the same instance.
He crosses the floors and envelopes me in a hug. He ends the hug and holds me at arms length, but I realize he only has one arm. "Bea! How glad I am to see you! Are you with everyone else?"
"Pete, Martha, Luke, and Nick are all a part of my group. Nick is even waiting for me to meet up with him and a few others."
"I'm so happy to hear. What about your parents?" He asks, but I can tell he regrets it the second he sees my face fall.
"They passed away early on, but I made sure they didn't come back."
"That must be horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you, but I'm sure that would have meant a lot to them. I tried calling you all when this all started, but the others were on that camping trip, and you were away at college. I was so worried…"
"They'll be thrilled to see you," I say. Arthur is Pete and Martha's cousin. He lived in Ainsworth, so we didn't see him a ton, but he was the person in Nick's extended family that we were all closest with. "So are you going to tell me what happened to your arm?"
"Ah, of course. About eight months ago I was with an old group and I was bitten just under my elbow. A quick thinking member of my group cut it off, and I lived. Good lady, she was, shame she isn't around anymore."
I didn't even know that was a possibility when bitten. Had I known, or tried it, I could've potentially saved Bethari's life. But then again, I had no medical equipment at the time. She could've bled out and died anyway. I guess I'll never know, but the possibility that she could still be living will likely gnaw at me for months to come.
"Well has anything positive happened to you, Bea?"
"Well I'm so glad you asked… I had a baby!"
"You had a baby? With who?" He asks, excited but incredulous.
My already existing smile widens even more. "With Nick."
"I knew you two would eventually get together! But I just can't imagine you pregnant in all this…"
"Believe me, it wasn't easy, but you'll love Evie. We have a place that's safe, but we should go now before it gets dark."
Everyone rounds up what little supplies and belongings they have, which takes merely minutes. We leave the little cabin. The sky appears like we have about forty minutes of light left, and probably an hour long walk lies ahead.
I tell Arthur where the rest of the group is waiting. He tells me that I'm lucky I ran into them. Otherwise, I was nearly headed in the wrong direction.
"I like your boots," Sofia says, pointing to my knee high combat boots. "Where'd you find them?"
"Surprisingly, I had these before all this and wore them regularly. I have a short pair that I wear with baggy jeans and this tall pair that I wear with skinny jeans."
"So stylish and practical," she says, and I hear a tinge of jealousy. "All I've been able to find is this pair of sneakers. They were horrible in the snow."
We walk the rest of the way in near silence as the sky grows darker and darker. Arthur announces that we're about ten minutes away and for the first time I worry: what if they're not there? We agreed to meet here, but what if they got lost or overrun? I shake the thoughts away, now that we're walking in complete darkness with only my flashlight for light. They will be there. They have to be.
My heart leaps with happiness when I see a campfire burning up ahead. I run the last twenty feet, the others behind me struggling to keep up. Approaching the camp, everyone gathers a weapon and points it in my direction.
"Relax, it's me."
Nick is in front of me in an instant, wrapping his arms around me so tightly I think that I might break for a moment. "I was so worried, I wanted to go after you… Wait, who are these people? Arthur!"
He jumps from me to Arthur. "Holy shit! Where's your arm!"
"Long story short, I was bitten and someone cut it off to prevent the infection from spreading."
"Incredible," Bill interrupts, coming up beside us.
The two groups introduce each other and the new group explains why and how they're with me in the first place. They add in the fact that they are incredibly hungry. My group had made some dinner, and saved a portion for me. But I opt to stay hungry tonight in order to let the new group fill their stomachs, even if only a little bit. My decision of course leaves Nick disappointed, but I'll live. Nick slides his zip-up hoodies off and forces it onto me. I've been freezing for hours in the cool autumn evening air, but I feel better in his jacket. It's so big on me that I can cuddle into it. I fall asleep beside Nick, listening to the crackle of the dying fire.
October 2, 2004
The next morning we roll up to Howe's. Nick and Arthur apparently stayed up all night keeping watch and catching up on each other's lives. Usually a light sleeper, I somehow managed to not get woken up by them a single time. I must've been exhausted. This morning when we packed up camp, we squished Tavia, Troy, Arthur, Reggie, Dean, George, and Sofia in the back of the truck, a feat that I figured was impossible until we did it. I offered to ride in the back, as did Nick, but Bill wanted us to ride in the cab again.
I'm out of the truck before it's even in park. Luke is standing nearby holding Evie. I rush to them and take Evie in my arms who produces the biggest smile I've ever seen on her. "Hi, sweetie! I missed you!"
"Hello to you too, sister," Luke says sarcastically.
"We brought back some new people," I tell him. "Lots of supplies too. It was a good trip."
"Yeah, except the time that you fell ten feet and got jumped by two lurkers. Or the time that you got separated for hours because of a horde," Nick adds, coming up beside me to take Evie.
"What!?" Luke shouts. "I knew you shouldn't have gone." I groan. Why did Nick have to bring that up? I wasn't planning on sharing that information ever.
"It helped me freshen up my survival skills."
"Yeah, but- Arthur?" Luke drops the subject the second he sees Arthur who has finally emerged from the back of the cramped truck.
"Well, Luke, you haven't changed at all. Always worryin' about your little sister."
Luke pulls away from their hug. "I'm going to grab Martha and Pete; they'll be so happy!" He jogs off in the direction of the pen.
A crowd is starting to form around the truck-group members that are eager to see what supplies we collected and if there's anything for them. Among them is Carlo, who is likely interested to see what food we've added to our stock.
But he doesn't even wait until he sees the inside of the truck before his jaw drops. "Sofia?"
Sofia's jaw drops to match his. The two embrace each other, and I realize that Carlo is crying. "Sofia, my dear, how did you get here?"
Sofia wipes away a tear as well. "Bea found me and-"
Carlo turns to me, a smile hiding underneath his thick mustache. "Bea, I can never thank you enough for reuniting me with my niece!"
"It's no problem at all-" He pulls me into a tight hug. If I didn't have a cracked rib already, I probably do now. He pulls away from the hug and plants a huge kiss on my cheek.
"Hey, man-" Nick starts, but I stop him. Carlo is happy to be with what might be the last remaining person of his family, and he was only showing gratitude. Pete and Martha are having their own reunion with Arthur off to the side, though they shed no tears. I can't hear them through the commotion, but I can imagine Martha's worried voice questioning Arthur about why he has one body part less than he did the last time she saw him.
"How touching," Bill says. I sense some boredom in his tone. "Bea, you have the entire compound at your disposal. You can be in charge of instructing everyone on unloading the truck and getting it sorted."
Bill peers deep into my eyes, like he's trying to say remember what I told you about being a leader. By now, nearly the entire compound is standing around, waiting to be given directions. Barking out orders to others while I sit on the sidelines… I just can't do it. That's not what a leader does. A leader helps instruct others, but always takes care of business.
Looking out into the crowd, I make my decision. "I collected most of the hygiene supplies, so I'll stay here and hand them out to everyone. We can have a few people move the heavy stuff into the pen. Some people can move the solar panels into a storage space until we can get started on them. It would also be nice if some people could get started on cleaning out the catch-all room. Once it's clean we can use it as storage for extra supplies."
I pause to take a breath before I start recommending people for each job. To my surprise, people start raising their hands and volunteering for each job. I'm more than shocked. This reaction has never been shown to Bill before. Everyone who volunteered gets situated with a job within minutes. From the corner of my eye, I see Bill stalk off, a disappointed look on his face.
He can be disappointed all he wants. I know I did the right thing.
Author's Note: At nearly fifteen thousand words, this chapter is by far the longest I've ever written! Thank you again to everyone who reads, favorites, follows, and reviews!