October 20, 2004

Wood presses against my back; I sit on the hard concrete floor. It's uncomfortable, but it's where I've remained for the past several hours. After Bill left us all a mess, we had no choice but to pick ourselves back up. The few of us that were fortunate to not have bound wrists freed those of us who weren't so lucky. I rushed to Evie to get her to calm down, before rushing to Nick's side with the hope that Carlos would be able to stabilize him. Once it was established that everyone would live, there wasn't much more talking. How could we after experiencing that? It was unspoken, but everyone came to realize that we are living under an absolute tyrant. We have no way out.

Evie calmed down eventually, though it took such a long time that I began to worry. She occasionally gets fussy but never as extreme as this incident. Even hours later, her cries still ring in my ears. I let Martha and Sarah sleep in the tent with her where it's warmer. I opted to remain by Nick's bedside. Some of the guys had moved him onto one of the hard, wooden "beds" in the pen.

I pull my coat closer around my body. Because of course to make matters worse, the temperature decided to drop tonight. I tenderly drag my thumb over the harsh rope burn that covers both of my wrists. As I do, I hear Nick start to rustle ever so slightly.

"Try not to move," I say. I don't turn my head to look at him. "Carlos says you should try to remain still."

"What… happened?" He groans out.

My stomach drops. This time I spring up and crouch beside him. "You don't remember Bill attacking you?"

"I remember that part… just not what happened next…"

Sighing with relief, I answer. "Not much. I calmed Evie down. She's sleeping in the tent with your mom and Sarah. Carlos checked you over and says he doesn't think anything is broken from what he can tell. But he thinks you most definitely will have a concussion, so it's best to just rest."

"Definitely… God, my head is pounding…"

I grab a bottle of water and help him lean his head forward to take a sip. He winces with every sip but manages to get some down.

"Your wrists… they're hurt…"

"Oh, yeah. It's nothing compared to what you got." I play it off, looking down at his battered face. Even with the minimal light, it breaks my heart. He's bloody and bruised, and I can't help but feel that maybe I could have done something to prevent this.

"That fucking son of a bitch…" He murmurs, before falling back into a deep sleep.

I don't sleep a wink all night.

January 28, 2005

It took a while, but Nick's face healed without any concerns. We were contained to the pen for the rest of October and all of November. Bill only allowed anyone out to take their weekly shower, with Evie and myself allowed to take them more often. Even then, he stuck at least two guards on us at all times. Taking a shower whilst two people stand right outside the door is definitely not fun, especially when everyone is in a bad mood because Bill hardly fed us for two months.

During our time out in the pen, Carlos was called out several times to deal with medical emergencies. One of them was when Dorothea abruptly passed out while waiting in the food line. Carlos couldn't do much to help, and he couldn't really diagnose her either without any equipment. His best was some kind of cancer. Cancer of what? He didn't know. The official prognosis? She could have a month left to live or five years. The news was devastating but did not come as a shock. I only was able to speak with her once through the gate when she was able to muster up enough strength to make the trip down here.

Staying in the pen for so long had its benefits. For one, we did not see Bill for nearly two months. It was a gift, especially for me. However the disadvantages were taxing. The pen was freezing and we were starving. There wasn't much to do, but at least the chickens were moved out of here. Because of our imprisonment, not much got done around the compound, considering that we made up nearly the entire workforce.

In the beginning of December, we were finally allowed to mingle with the general population. I found a Christmas tree and decorations that had been used in one of the office spaces prior to the fall. Sarah and I put the decorations up in the pen to improve the vibes in our living space. The decorations are still up as of today. I figured I would leave them up until spring; who cares about society's rules anymore?

Within a week of our release, Luke and Carlos got into a spat during their first encounter with Bill. I was never really told what the reason was, nor did I ask. I was too busy trying to tend to their injuries. Bill once again abused his power and gave the two of them a beat down. Martha and I had to scramble to get them back to the pen and stop the blood gushing from Luke's nose. They, like Nick, thankfully only had injuries that were not serious. The result of their clash was that we were locked inside the pen again, but this time only for a week. Surprisingly, Bill said if we could survive the winter without any more problems, he would move us out of the pen. As of now, that's the goal, considering the fact that we can't leave Howe's even if we tried.

"Bea? Hello? Earth to Bea?" Dean waves a hand in front of my face.

"Oh, sorry!" I say, bringing my attention back to him. I close my notebook and stash both it and my pen inside my bag. "What were you saying?"

"What are you always writing anyway?" He questions, leaning back in the cheap plastic white chair. He pulls his jacket closer around him and I wonder how he hasn't frozen yet this winter with only a leather jacket and a beanie. Though today is particularly warm for the winter.

"Oh… just jotting stuff down," I say.

He makes a face like he doesn't believe me but moves on. "I had just finished telling you about this story from my junior year at Vanderbilt where my buddy got so drunk that he fell out of our window on the second floor. Thankfully he fell into a bush! But I was wondering, what's your favorite drink?"

I'm used to his crazy stories by now. He tells them to me any time he gets the chance, which was quite often during our quarantine, much to Nick's dismay. It seems that he had a much crazier college experience than I.

"Water," I answer.

He shakes his head. "No, I mean like an alcoholic drink."

"I don't drink," I say, thinking of Nick.

"Is it like a religious thing?"

I let out a laugh. "No, I just never wanted to start. I saw how it could really hurt some people."

"C'mon…. You gotta' try it." His voice goes up at the end.

"I'm really okay," I say. "And besides, it's not like we have any."

He smirks, knowing that I'm wrong. With a lift of his eyebrows, he slowly reaches into his jacket. A medium sized bottle of whiskey peaks out of his jacket.

"Where did you get that?!" I ask incredulously.

"When that crew went out last week I asked Vince for a little favor. Guess he found it in a dresser in one of the houses they searched. How lucky is that?"

"Yeah…" I trail off, thinking about Vince, who I have not spoken to since he bound my wrists and shoved me onto the concrete. I realize that he was just doing what he was told, but he hasn't exactly reached out to me since.

"Well, how 'bout a swig?"

I give him a look. "Dude, my baby is literally right next to me."

He sighs, looking at Evie in her playpen at my side. "I'll save you a swig. Don't be a stranger." He stalks off to his bed, presumably to get drunk. My body cringes at his words. Don't be a stranger. That's exactly what Bill said after he asked me to… God, I can't even say it.

Nick walks in, a sour look on his face. He makes his way to my side and picks up Evie, who started stirring right as he entered the pen. His mouth turns upward into a smile, as it always does when he sees her.

"Rough shift?" I ask.

Confusion envelopes his features as he cradles Evie. She reaches out to touch his ear while babbling. Her babbles are starting to sound more coherent; she'll be talking soon enough.

"Oh," he says, realization dawning on him. "Nah, work was the same as usual. Just saw he was talking to you again."

"He's harmless." I think; I hope. "It's not like I have much of a choice anyway. He just comes up to me and starts talking. I think he feels kind of outcast in our group. He's just trying to find someone else to relate to."

Conveniently, Dean and I are the only two who seem to not be assigned to daily tasks. Before I would have considered this to be a coincidence, but now I know that nothing Bill does is a coincidence. What he is trying to accomplish is unknown to me, but how can you understand the actions of a madman?

He leaves the subject be. He lets Evie sit on her play mat in front of us. Evie pulls herself up to a standing position, using my chair and legs as support. She has been able to pull herself up and stand for a while now, but she is not yet able to walk on her own.

Evie's tiny fingers wrap around Nick's. She starts taking a few uneasy steps in the opposite direction, supported by Nick who hilariously has to completely hunch over because of his height. After a few steps, her balance improves.

"Hey, Nick," I say, an idea popping in my mind. "Let go of her hands for a minute."

"What? She'll fall."

"Maybe, maybe not," I say.

He reluctantly obliges and removes his hands from hers. She wobbles at first and it takes everything in Nick for him to not stabilize her. After a moment, she stabilizes herself and a moment later she takes no more than three steps on her own before she plops down on the ground.

"She… just walked!" Nick says incredulously.

"On her own," I add with the brightest smile. It will be a bit before she's regularly walking long distances on her own, but this is a huge milestone. "I'm going to go get Luke and your mom and we can see if she can do it again!"

I rush off to go find my brother and Martha while Nick stays behind with Evie. Once I get outside the pen I realize that I have no idea where either of them are and it probably would have been a better idea to have Nick go get them. I was just so excited that I could not contain myself.

After running around the compound and asking several people, I finally find Luke and Martha. They are both standing near the gate to the compound. Martha stands to the side, her hand positioned on her face as if she is stressed or embarrassed. Arthur, Pete, George, and Alvin are next to her, similar emotions apparent on their faces. In the center of it all, Luke is standing in front of and talking to a moderately pissed off Bill.

I swiftly maneuver my way to face Luke, certain to have my back facing Bill. "I have a huge surprise!" I cut him off mid sentence, trying to avoid any conflict he was about to start.

"What-" He starts with confusion laced in his tone. He is cut off by Bill's radio crackling to life.

"Bill! We got a huge problem…" Someone shouts over the radio. Their voice continues, but it is too garbled to understand.

From my peripheral vision, I see Bill detach the radio from his belt and bring it to his mouth. "What was that? Speak clearly, dammit."

"A herd just came through the treeline… Uh, looks like three dozen?"

"And?" Bill cuts him off again. "Use the sniper rifle. I taught you how to use it, did I not?"

"Well it's jammed…" There is a rattling slam on the other end, followed by a string of swears. "Fuck, there's people running from them. They look hurt."

A low growl sounds in Bill's throat. He speaks into the radio, "Get me guards down here right now." Then he turns to the rest of us, "Bea, come with me. The rest of you, get those people in here safely."

Usually I wouldn't be thrilled to receive an order for Bill, but this scenario requires me to protect our people. George and Alvin pull the chains that open the gate to the outside. We flood out of the compound. Just as the person on the radio had said, there are a few dozen lurkers stumbling across the parking lot. We haven't had many for the last couple months because they freeze when it gets too cold. Today is warmer than usual, so I guess they dethawed, but they are still moving slower than usual because of the winter.

There are two people struggling to stay in front of the herd. I don't look at them too closely, because Luke and the others are in charge of getting them to safety. Bill and I move toward the lurkers and begin taking them down. Now would have been the perfect opportunity to use my sword that I was insincerely gifted by Bill, but of course I did not bring it with me because I wasn't planning on fighting a herd today. I try to use only my knife, to save on ammo. Thankfully we are met with quite a few guards, so taking on the herd isn't a difficult feat. I stab skull after skull, hearing the squelching noise that I've grown so accustomed to. At last, the parking lot is still.

Bill instructs the guard to move the bodies to the burn pile. He leaves and instructs me to do so as well. As instructed, I leave the body ridden parking lot behind me. I follow Luke's footsteps to find him in the medical area with Carlos, George, and the new people.

"Where did everyone else go?" I ask, coming to stand beside George who is considerably taller than me even more than most people are.

"I guess word got around fast that there was some kind of situation outside the walls. Alvin ran off to find Rebecca to make sure that she knew he was fine. Arthur and Martha ran off to find Nick to presumably do the same thing," he says, scratching the scar on his cheek that I have since learned came from an incident involving some barbed wire.

"You… you were one of the ones that saved us," mutters the middle-aged man. He sits on a cot, with a blue blanket wrapped snugly around his shoulders.

"Yes, thank you," the older woman says weakly. She too is wrapped in a blanket, but her leg is propped up and being examined by Carlos.

"It is a severe sprain," Carlos speaks. "It will heal, but only if you stay off of it. I would recommend a wheelchair but we do not have any."

"We have office chairs with wheels," I interject. "It's not ideal but if someone helps her it would allow her to get from the pen to the dining area."

Carlos scratches his chin and silently ponders for a moment. "Yes, I suppose that will work. You should remain on bed rest unless leaving to get food, during which someone should assist you with the chair. Let me wrap it for you."

"Oh, right… introductions," Luke says, "Bea, this is Hilary and her son Austin. They were a part of a group about forty miles from here. Two nights ago when it started warming up, a large herd unthawed and ravaged the camp. As far as they know they are the only survivors. They escaped in a vehicle and traveled until it ran out of gas. They continued on foot, and that's when Hilary hurt her ankle and they started getting followed by the horde that hit us."

"Nice to meet you and I'm very sorry you had to go through that," I sincerely tell them.

"I'm just glad to be safe now. The place we were before was just a rickety old camp. Is this place nice?" She looks up from watching Carlos wrap her ankle, hope sparkling on her face.

Luke and I avoid the question, glancing around awkwardly at the ceiling or the wall or anything of interest. Finally George mutters, "You could say that," as he wanders off to find an office chair for Hilary.

I suppose for them it will likely be a nice place. They'll have food, water, and safety. I don't imagine they seem like the type to try and intervene or stand up against Bill.

"We should go," Luke mumbles in my ear and lightly grabs my arm to pull me away. "Bill will show up soon to talk to them, and we shouldn't be here for that."

I nod to agree with him and give my farewells.