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Chapter 9 - Close Yet Far

"So, you must be one of the Gym Challengers, right?"

Terry glanced tiredly over at Milo, wincing slightly at the shine of the man's smile aimed at him. Terry sighed quietly and grunted in acknowledgement even as a hand sneaked its way to his bandana.

"Thought I recognized your face. Plus, that bandana is pretty striking. I'd be surprised if I didn't recognize you!"

Milo chuckled softly, but Terry only felt his stomach twist and turn. He really shot himself in the foot for wearing it, but no way was taking it off an option.

"Y'know, now that I think about it, you're one of the two Champion-endorsed Challengers, right?" Milo asked, "You and that other boy that was eating up the spotlight. Hop was his name, I believe."

"Yeah...that's him."

"He seems quite lively. I'm sure he's been looking forward to the Gym Challenge for a while."

Terry grunted again. The Gym Leader's presence was pushing Terry to the brink of discomfort. If Sonia had just gotten a normal League Member, he would've been fine. Knowing that this was who he was going to be battling in a matter of hours, it did little to quell his anxiety.

"What about you?"

Terry raised a brow at him. "...What about me?"

Milo's smile fell, replaced by a faint look of concern. "Well, compared to your friend, you looked really nervous walking across the pitch."

"I was fine." Terry's frown deepened. "Just not a big fan of crowds."

"New experience then? Don't worry, I don't blame you for feeling that way. The Gym Challenge is quite the event and there are usually a few challengers that get some Butterfrees in their stomach."

Terry's grip on his bandana tightened. "You make it sound so simple…"

"Maybe I've just been more focused on having a good time when it comes to battles, so you're not wrong." Milo's smile returned. "But don't worry. If you were able to take care of yourself in the mine, then I think you'll do great in the Challenge!"

Terry grimaced. He really didn't want to have more expectations placed on him…

"Beh! Beh eh!"

His train of thought was quickly derailed as the sound of a Wooloo stole his attention. He looked in the direction of its cry, only to receive a face full of white wool. Terry cried out in surprise, the force of the impact knocking him backwards onto the ground.

"Oh my! Are you alright?" Milo asked.

Pounding footsteps drew closer to them until coming to a stop next to Terry.

"Geez, sorry about that mate," Hop's voice rang out with a lighthearted chuckle. "Guess Wooloo was also worried about you!"

"Right…" Terry groaned, his voice muffled underneath Wooloo's wool. "Can I get up now?"

Wooloo was lifted off of Terry's face, exposing him to Milo, Hop, and Sonia looking down at him. Hop and Milo held sheepish grins on their face, but Sonia's eyes darted across Terry's face. Terry started to push himself up when he felt a weight behind him, aiding his ascent. He glanced behind him to see Zorah pressing up against his back, causing him to blink in surprise as she smiled up at him. He sighed and pushed himself back onto his feet, sending a brief wistful glance down to Zorah before rubbing his eyes.

Terry opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted again by a pair of arms suddenly wrapping around him, freezing him in place.

"Don't do something like that again," Sonia said to him as her grip tightened.

Terry stared blankly into space, the close contact bringing his thoughts to a screeching halt. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed, but no words came out. Sonia sensed the tension surrounding him and quickly let go.

"Ah, sorry!" she said, nervously twirling a finger around her hair. "I was just worried sick about you and kept getting more and more scared that something bad happened."

The color had drained from Terry's face as he finally forced himself back to reality. "R-Right…" he said, keeping his eyes on the ground, "I-I'm fine though. You s-shouldn't have worried about me."

Opposite to his words, worry filled Sonia's heart. He looked…tired. She didn't get a chance to say anything as Terry turned away from the three, holding up a Pokéball.

"I need to go."

"Wait, you caught another Pokémon?" Hop called out to him, but Terry had already swiftly moved further into the town with Zorah and Lilo following behind him, the latter sending a quick smile to the three.

Milo scratched his head. "Hmm, that Terry's an interesting one. Almost seems like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders."

Hop sent Sonia a worried look before sighing. "Yeah, it's…complicated. What even happened in the mine, Sonia?"

Sonia said nothing as she continued to watch Terry. Even from a distance, she could see his hands trembling. She turned her head towards the mine entrance, worry laced within her gaze as the sun began its descent past the horizon.

"I…really don't know…"

Now Playing: Inside - OneShot OST

Terry tapped his foot impatiently against the wood floor underneath him. The Pokémon Center still had a few people at the counter, waiting for the nurse to finish healing up their Pokémon. With nothing to do except wait while his thoughts took over, time seemed to slow to a crawl and his mood after everything that happened in the mine really did not help. The emotional toll had drained him enough.

His eyes drifted around the building. Various other people lingered in other rooms; a group of people talking and laughing around a table, an assumed Gym Challenger talking to his Pokémon, another taking pictures for their League Card. It all felt foreign, yet familiar at the same time. His thoughts drifted away, replaced by the memories of being with his mother during her tenure as champion. He'd been able to bear witness to several of her battles in person and he could just faintly remember the atmosphere that always permeated the air. The rising sense of exhilaration that coursed through everyone as his mom and her opponent prepared themselves for the battle ahead…even now he could feel it within this very room.

If only he could go back to when it empowered him too instead of bringing only grief and sadness.

"Bunny?"

Terry flinched, yanked out of his memories back into the present moment. He glanced down at Zorah, who stood next to his foot. The tapping of it stopped as he sighed.

"Sorry," he said as he sat down on the bench behind him. Zorah hopped up next to him, still watching him. Terry's eyes closed for a moment as he breathed in before opening them and looking back at her. Silence lingered between them until Terry's eyes hovered over to her cheek where the last few drops of blood from her wound had dried.

His eyes softened until he sighed and tore his eyes away from her. "I'm…sorry for yelling at you…back in the cave."

Zorah's eyes widened in surprise, reaching up to place a paw on her cheek.

"A lot happened at the time and I…" Terry whispered before he blinked and shut his eyes, the cold exterior around him slowly being rebuilt again before he looked back at Zorah. "It's been a long day, once we get Noibat fixed up and released, we can put it behind us."

Zorah frowned slightly. She could tell there was more he wanted to say, but once again, some unknown force got in the way and the confusion and worry that nagged in her mind roared back to life. Although, in a sense, he was right. It had been a long day for all of them. So, she decided to try one last time to provide some semblance of support.

Slowly, she moved closer to him, avoiding his arms after what happened last time, and gently leaned against his side. She felt his body jump slightly but still she held on.

"Zorah, I've already told you I'm not-" He stopped, giving Zorah a moment to look up at him. Terry sighed again and shook his head. "...Nevermind. I've told you enough times, but it doesn't seem to stop you."

A smile began to blossom across her lips, but she stopped when she saw something pass across his eyes; an emotion, but one she couldn't put a paw on. Apprehension or gratitude? Dread or relief? She didn't know. For now though, she savored this small victory and squeezed her arms a little tighter.

Terry shifted his body around uncomfortably. "Okay, maybe not that much."

"Scor, ny-bunny bun." Zorah giggled softly and lessened the hold on him as Terry watched her out of the corner of his eye.

The night dragged on as the line to the nurse slowly petered off until only a couple trainers remained. The chatter had quieted down, save for a few sparse conversations that Terry picked up on.

"Excuse me? Can I help you?"

Terry looked to the counter, locking eyes with the nurse standing behind it with a smile. Terry started to stand, but stopped when he felt Zorah still by his side, her eyes almost fully shut. He reached down and gave her a light shake. "C'mon, Zorah, we're moving."

Zorah grumbled and held onto him tighter.

Terry rolled his eyes. Not wanting to stand around like an idiot and already feeling drowsy, he picked Zorah up into his arms, his fear and apprehension forgotten without him even realizing and eliciting a small gasp from a now wide awake Zorah.

Terry approached the counter, pulling out the Pokéball containing the Noibat. "I ran into a wild Pokémon that had one of their wings broken. Figured it'd be better to bring them here."

The nurse's smile widened. "Of course! However, an injury like that will probably need to heal for the whole night, so you can come back tomorrow and we'll hopefully have them healed by then."

"Thanks," Terry said, placing the orb in the nurse's hand. As he turned to leave, he quietly groaned at the thought of needing to spend another night in the tent, what with the massive influx of trainers that had arrived before him and had snagged all of the motel rooms within Turffield. What he would give just to be back in an actual bed…

Stop Playing

The cool night sky welcomed Terry as he left the Pokémon Center. Small wisps of wind blew past him, pushing the tuft of hair that fell in front of his eye.

Any success?

Terry looked over to see Lilo waiting for them just outside the entrance. He nodded tiredly. "Yeah, but we'll need to wait until tomorrow to see if she'll be better."

Lilo tilted her head. Are you worried?

Terry simply looked at her, not giving a response and let a breath fall out of him. "C'mon, we should find a place to set up the tent and finally get some rest."

Lilo smiled and giggled as her eyes glanced down at his arms. Of course, though it might be difficult with you carrying a passenger.

Terry froze and looked down. Zorah was still within Terry's arms and she smiled and waved at him. Finally realizing what he was doing, his blood chilled and the color drained from his face. Robotically, Terry planted Zorah on the ground and turned away from the two of them, quickly gaining distance from them. Zorah's smile fell. Despite her small victory, in an instant it was gone. The wall she had finally got past had been rebuilt. Zorah sighed in defeat.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

Zorah looked up at Lilo. The Lapras held a doleful expression aimed at the ground. Zorah walked up to her and placed a paw on one of her fins, gaining Lilo's attention. Zorah smiled. "It's okay. It's not your fault. I just…" Her smile fell. "...wish I knew what was bothering him."

Lilo's frown wavered. She felt comforted by Zorah's reassurance, but it was swiftly overtaken by the guilt of staying true to the promise she made to Terry back in Postwick. She was the only one who knew the extent of Terry's sadness. Keeping it from Zorah, one whose intentions were pure, hurt more than anything, but Lilo didn't make that known. She respected Terry's wishes.

"But…I feel like he'll tell me soon," Zorah suddenly said, taking Lilo by surprise. "He apologized to me while we were waiting and it seemed like he wanted to say more, but couldn't." Zorah's smile returned as she pumped her fists. "So, I'll show him that he can rely on me, no matter what, and I'll prove it tomorrow when we battle!"

Lilo simply stared at Zorah in surprise before the dark cloud hanging over her head dissipated. She smiled and nodded. "I think you will too. Now come, let's go get some sleep so that we're ready for tomorrow."

"Yeah!"

Zorah hopped onto Lilo's shell and the two of them followed after Terry.

Later that night…

Terry couldn't sleep. Woken up once again by another nightmare, he couldn't bring himself to fall back to sleep and subject himself to the snowy graveyard that inhabited his dreams. So he stayed put, staring up at the ceiling of his tent as the occasional brush of the wind against his nylon and polyester safe haven and the soft snoring of Zorah nearby being the only sounds he could hear. Even with how taxing today had been, physically, mentally, and emotionally, rest was just another far away dream.

Terry shifted around in his sleeping bag, tossing and turning to find some comfort in the tent, but it was like trying to sleep on needles. Irritated, Terry sat up and rubbed his eyes. If he wasn't going to be able to fall back to sleep, he might as well get up. As quietly as he could without waking Zorah, he slipped out from his sleeping bag, grabbed his pack, and opened the entrance to the tent, but stopped just before stepping out.

Now Playing: The Author - OneShot OST

Terry listened to the quiet sounds of Zorah sleeping before finally turning his head to look back at her. Zorah's slumbering form lay close to his sleeping bag, exactly as she was the night before they headed into the mines, when she grounded him back in reality after Terry was trapped within his nightmare. She looked so peaceful, as if the past twenty-four hours had never even happened. Some part of Terry couldn't help but feel envious at how content she looked, how soundly she slept, but it was quickly pushed aside as other emotions took its place.

Some Terry couldn't put a finger on; some were so unfamiliar that he had to take a moment to compose himself and wonder once again what was happening to him. How could Zorah affect him so much in such a short amount of time? He didn't understand. Despite only a week having passed since their first meeting, despite all the times he kept himself closed off from her, despite all the secrets and burdens he was keeping from her, she stuck by his side with that purity that seemed ingrained in her very being and that she tried so hard to show him. Even in the past couple of hours, he had noticed a change. Before, he didn't want her even touching him. Now, he had carried her in his arms without even realizing.

For the first time since he could remember, Terry's thoughts were quiet. Instead, he let his body move on its own. Slowly, he crawled closer to her, watching her ears twitch and legs jerk from the dreams she was lost within. He gently placed a hand under her head and the other under her torso and lifted her into his arms. He carried her over to his sleeping bag and set her down within it, pulling the top up enough so that it covered her body. He watched as a smile appeared on her face; a quiet sigh escaped her lips as she fell deeper into her sleep. Terry simply watched her for a moment before finally turning away and exiting the tent.

Stop Playing

The chilly air of the outdoors lanced a shiver through Terry's body. The urge to retreat back into the tent jerked awake within him, but he'd rather waste time doing anything other than attempting and failing to fall back to sleep. Lilo wasn't in sight, electing instead to rest inside her Pokéball for the first time since Terry met her. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief. As much as he knew she was willing to listen to whatever was bothering him, for once, Terry just wanted to be alone.

He set off from the tent, slowly wandering past the fields of wheat that swayed peacefully on the other side of the road from the camp, and back into Turffield. The town had quieted down, now that all the trainers that had arrived for their battle with the Grass Gym had finally passed out.

Terry didn't have a destination. He simply followed the paths that winded through the town. Dirt and gravel crunched under his feet with each step. As he wandered, the question once again came to the forefront of his mind.

"What's going on with me…?" he whispered to the open air while running a hand through his hair.

The events of yesterday played out once again in his mind; his nightmare, Zorah's intervention, Sonia's questions, Noibat's injuries, his outburst at Zorah and Bede. Terry couldn't stop another shiver running through him as all the emotions he felt at those moments weaved together, hardening into a dark pit in his stomach. None of this would have happened if he had just told Hop and Leon "no". His self-hatred kicked into overdrive, berating him over and over that all this was a mistake, that he wasn't worthy to even be here, that come tomorrow, he'd end up proving all of his fears right.

Terry stopped when the path he was on ended. A large geoglyph was drawn on the side of a hill far off from the town, but Terry didn't pay attention to it. His arms had started to itch again.

"Dammit…" Terry muttered. He counted down in his head. Count to four, exhale, count to four again, inhale.

He didn't want another attack, not right now. He curled his arms around his body, fighting against the tremors that started growing in intensity. He could feel his thoughts speeding up, piling on more self-loathing and guilt. His grip tightened along with his breathing growing louder. He shut his eyes. The only option he had was to let it happen, just like all the other times before.

But something different happened, something Terry didn't expect at all. A memory pushed through the noise, and with it, a voice.

Bunny, scor! Ny-bun bunny scorbun!

Terry's eyes opened, staring out at nothing, but he saw himself back in his room with Zorah standing in front of him, back when they first met and she had pushed her way into his life. To Terry's surprise, the itching in his arms stopped as his mind lingered on the memory before he shook his head, forcing himself away from it and bringing himself back to the present.

Again, he wondered, "What's happening to me…?"

Now Playing: A Scrap of Ribbon - Thomas Newman

He slowly unclenched his arms from his body, holding them out in front of him. He sighed and slowly pulled his sleeves back, revealing the bandages he kept hidden. He frowned at the stained, almost ripped lines of gauze that concealed his arms. A shaky breath passed over his lips.

Terry kneeled down, taking off his pack and looking inside it. He sifted through the Potions he already had until he found what he was looking for. Pulling out a small white box, he opened it and grabbed the roll of white cloth. He glanced around one last time, checking to make sure he was alone, before he swallowed a deep breath and shut his eyes.

Unravel the gauze on his arms, but don't look. Around his arms the new dressings go, but don't look. Cover up the wounds he already felt sick even thinking about.

Don't look.

Don't look at it.

Don't look at what you've done to yourself.

Only a few seconds passed before Terry quickly tugged on the last layer of bandages that covered his arms once again. He opened his eyes. The worn dressings lay covered in dirt on the ground with fresh new ones now sealing away his pain. Terry clenched his fists, staring down at his arms, before letting them drop. Slowly, he placed his med-kit back in his pack, tugged his sleeves back over his arms, and stood up. He leaned against the stone wall in front of him, returning back to staring off into space.

Time passed by for him, the only indication being the sky beginning to brighten, bouncing light off the mountains that stood up tall in the distance.

"Yamper! Yamp!"

Terry flinched, glancing over his shoulder as a Yamper dashed towards him and jumped up onto his legs. He grimaced and tried to move away, but was stuck between the stone wall and the hyperactive Pokémon.

"Easy, Yamper. Give him some space."

Terry looked from the Pokémon to see Sonia standing in front of him, twirling her finger around a strand of hair. Yamper looked back at her and bounded up to her, yiping and begging for scratches.

She smiled and crouched down to appease him before looking up at Terry. "Morning."

Terry grunted and turned away from her, leaning against the stone wall once more. "...Morning."

Sonia stood up and went to his side. "Another rough night?"

"Just couldn't sleep."

"I see…" Sonia hesitated. "Are…you okay?"

Terry glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, but said nothing.

"Terry-"

"You already know what I'm going to say."

"Yeah, but I know enough to know that you're lying."

Terry's gaze darkened and fell to the ground.

Sonia sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder, garnering another flinch from Terry, but he didn't shake it off. "I'm sorry. I was…really worried about you when you ran off on your own."

"Well, I'm here now."

Sonia let go of his shoulder and decided to change the subject. "Is the Noibat okay?"

Terry stood up from the wall and crossed his arms. "Her wing was broken and she was exhausted. The nurse at the center said it'd take a day for her to heal completely." He sighed as his eyes suddenly filled with worry. "Who knows what would've happened if I hadn't caught her…"

Sonia's eyes widened at the unfamiliar display before her and she smiled at him. "You did the right thing, Terry."

Terry looked back at her, searching for something to say, but his brow furrowed instead, aiming his glare at the ground.

"What's wrong?" Sonia asked.

"...Is it the right thing?"

Sonia tilted her head. "Helping a Pokémon?"

"No, getting…" He fell silent, the pain in his eyes growing more intense, his hand reaching up to grab hold of his bandana before he swiftly shook his head and turned back to the wall. "Nevermind. It's nothing."

Sonia frowned, wondering what he was about to say, but stopped. The day prior had been a long one for him; she didn't want to continue putting her own worries for him on his shoulders. So, she switched tactics.

"I won't pry then, but since you're here, I was wondering if I could ask for your opinion on something?"

Terry's demeanor reverted back to its usual self. He turned back to her, the fear she saw in his eyes now gone. "About?"

She pointed out the geoglyph drawn into the side of the hill. "Back in Motostoke, I found some stories talking about this, but I want to see what your first impressions were before I give you the run-down of what I've learned."

Terry studied the glyph. He hadn't paid attention to it when he first came here. He prepared to give a lethargic answer, but the more he looked at it, the more curious he got. This would've been something his father would've fixated on for hours and he felt that nudge to know more flare up within him.

A tall bipedal body with a prong-like tail spanned almost the entire hill. Small creatures were dotted around it, some at the bottom of the hill and a couple at the top. To the left of the large creature's face was a ghostly swirl. Bolts of lighting shot out from the center of it, seeming to collide with everything else. Terry couldn't figure out what the cloud and smaller creatures were, but there was only one other power in Galar that could make anything grow in size.

"Is that…Dynamax?"

Sonia's eyes sparkled as she grinned. "I thought so too. Maybe the people living here all those years ago could've just imagined it, but it's way too much of a coincidence that that creature looks almost exactly like a Pokémon being Dynamaxed and that storm almost looks something like the Darkest Day."

Terry raised an eyebrow. "You were busy in Motostoke."

"The library there had a lot of information, but there's still more for me to research. Even this glyph alone raises more questions: what exactly was the Darkest Day and why does it seem like Dynamax is connected to it?" She sighed as she twirled her hair. "Gran's sure giving me a lot to do, that's for sure."

"Seems like it."

"I could say the same about you," Sonia said. Her smile was replaced by a look of concern. "You have a plan for the Gym?"

Terry's gaze hardened as he looked away. "Part of me just wants to throw the match."

"I understand. I felt the same way," Sonia said as she drew closer to him, "but I know you can do this. You already have the advantage with Zorah being a Fire-type, and…" Sonia reached into her pocket and pulled out a few shining yellow objects, "these Revives will help your team get back on their feet, should it come to that."

Terry blinked, his widened eyes staring down at the Revives that Sonia placed in his hand.

"And, I know it may not seem like much, but I'll be rooting for you from the stands," she said with a smile.

Terry continued to stare down at his hand. Sonia took a chance and placed a hand back on Terry's shoulder. This time, he didn't flinch. "Take care of yourself, okay, Terry? I still have some more research to get done, but I'll be there for your battle, even if I have to sneak my way in."

She let go and turned away from him with Yamper following in pursuit.

"Sonia?" Terry suddenly said, prompting her to turn back to him. "Could…I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

His eyes rose from his hand and gazed at her. Confusion and sadness swam within them. "...Why are you caring so much about me?"

The question pierced her heart. His voice, hardly louder than a whisper, gave her the smallest glimpse of Terry's pain. If he was willing to show that to her, then she knew what she had to say.

"You're my friend, Terry. I can't act like I know what you're going through, especially with being roped into all of this by Leon and Hop, but I want to help in any way I can."

Terry didn't react, even as Sonia smiled gently at him. For a moment, Sonia swore she could see fear pass behind his eyes, but she didn't get a chance to see more as Terry turned his gaze to the ground and his hand grabbed hold of his bandana once again. Seeing that there was nothing more she could say, she nodded and turned back to the path, following it down to Turffield and leaving Terry alone amidst the first few golden rays of sunlight that sneaked past the horizon.

Terry placed the Revives in his pocket and let his hand stop over the Pokeballs that were hooked onto his belt. His thoughts drifted to Lilo and Zorah. He clenched his fist as his thoughts reached an impasse. Guilt flooded his mind from how much he was keeping from them. Only a week and both of them had changed him, a feeling he was so scared of. With Sonia now adding onto that burden, he couldn't stop himself from feeling worse, because he knew that would lead to his greatest fear.

Becoming attached again, only to inevitably lose it all.

Terry shook his head. He didn't want to think about any of this. Instead, Terry turned to the sunrise. He needed a plan for the Gym Battle, no matter how much he wanted to run away.

Stop Playing