A/N: Hey guys! So like I said, high highs and low lows. So here you go. Another thing, the tense in this story changes from past tense to present and that's literally to show what happened in the past and what's happening right now, but I'm sure you guys will get it when it changes. I kinda figured that's a good way to like fast forward a story so yeah, hope it works. Also please don't be too hopeful for another update soon. I'm doing this online course and it's already taking up all my time, I'm really sorry:(.But please do enjoy, and thanks for all the LUV guys, I'm sending it right back to you all!!!
Btw, the chapter title is from the Arctic Monkeys song "I bet that you look good on the dancefloor."
Ain't no love, no Montague's or Capulets.
Somehow between the ambience of passion and noisy thuds of our beating hearts, Blair and I fell asleep beneath the calm sky and gentle moon. It's a romantic story to tell; two teenagers falling asleep on the beach in each other's arms. But have it that you wake up to the blinding sunlight, first unaware of where you are and then, suddenly, hyper-aware of the reality that beckons you - the reality that you've kept a girl out way past her curfew and her mother will most definitely disapprove of you within an instant - then the story doesn't seem so romantic anymore. And it's not.
I woke Blair up vigorously and once she came to terms with the same reality, a tsunami of anxiety waved over her as her shoulders began to shudder and her head began to shake. There was nothing I could do, not an action I could enact nor a word I could say, that would help soothe her. It was too late. No sane person would allow their daughter to be with a boy who doesn't respect house rules.
Not a word was said to each other as we hurried off the beach. But the silence was heavy with a despairing fate coming toward us. We knew. We knew this was unforgivable. I hadn't even met her mother yet. But already I had laid out a deplorable reputation for myself.
We rushed through the deck and to our surprise Blair's driver was still parked in the same place he dropped us off at. It was a small, utterly minuscule silver lining in my eyes as it meant we had a ride home. But a gasket blew from every facet of Blair's head as we neared the town car. Her face turned red, her nostrils flared, her fists clenched and her mouth spewed the worst words to the driver who, he himself had just woken up.
Why didn't you wake us up? Come look for us? Were the questions Blair barraged him with through the car window. He apologised profusely as we got in the car but Blair slammed the door shut. She wasn't having any of it.
She wanted to drop me off at home, spare me my imminent death by her mother, but I wouldn't let her. I picked her up so the only right thing to do, regardless of the deep shit we were already in, was to drop her off.
I was feeling terribly sorry for the driver as he shivered in fear on the way back to Blair's home, but once we were on the Brooklyn bridge and he exclaimed another genuine apology for falling asleep, I begun to understand Blair's outlandish fury. Not out of my own conscious thoughts, but from Blair's broken voice that explained in the midst of a breakdown,
"Carson! I don't think you understand the consequences this might have..." The tears gushed down her face, "...my mother will never allow me to be with Dan after this!" And almost as if the reality of it all was still bearable in my silent mind, once the words came out of Blair's mouth, it became the most heart-wrenching realisation I've ever come to.
My eyes averted out the window so Blair wouldn't see the tears brimming around them. The driver had nothing left to say after that - I feared he'd been riddled with guilt - and the ride back to Manhattan was left with more painful silence.
At least through it all our hands stayed bonded together. She held my hand so tight that it began to tingle, but I didn't remove it. She didn't caress her thumb on my hand like she normally did. But deep down I was hoping she would. Because when she didn't, I knew hope, I knew that little subconscious voice that says: it's going to be okay, I knew it was withering away from us. We were well aware of what was to come. The decision was made before the judge had even slammed down her gavel.
It was around 7AM when we walked into Blair's house. Her mother was pacing up and down the hallway with a her phone to her ear as she spoke into it hysterically. But when her attention was caught by our presence, a gasp of relief escaped her throat and she told the person on the line that Blair had come home. Her first instinct was to bring her daughter into her protective arms immediately. But during their embrace her eyes flickered up to me and I found exactly where Blair got her death glare from. She removed Blair from her path and her face fumed with rage.
But before she could strike me with whatever force she had, verbal or physical, Blair had gotten in between us, "NO! You will not take your anger out on him, mother! It wasn't his fault!"
Her mother laughed resentfully, "Oh, then who's fault was it, Blair?"
"No one's. We both fell asleep." Blair tried to explain.
"I don't care. It was that young man's responsibility to get you home!" She shouted over Blair's shoulder as her eyes narrowed in on me.
"Please, mother!" Blair begged.
"Please what?" Her mother's eyebrows furrowed furiously.
"Please, let it go. I swear it won't happen again."
"You're damn right it won't happen again! You're not allowed to be with this rascal anymore!"
Blair fell to her knees almost instantly as her cries echoed her crushing heart, "No, please mother!You can't do this!"
But Blair's mom ignored her completely and looked at me in disbelieving ire, "What the hell are you still doing in my house young man!? Get the fuck out! And don't ever come back here again!"
I tapped the elevator button hard and fast. The whole thing had happened so quickly and I didn't even get a chance to look back at Blair as I rushed into the elevator. The last sight I regretfully grasped was her knees crashing against the cold tiles as she let out a broken-hearted scream. I had never felt more hopeless in my entire life.
I'm not sure if it was the shock of what had happened but my face was just blank as I made my way back home. Carson didn't give me a ride because Blair's mother called to say he couldn't. So I had to take a cab back to Brooklyn. I walked into the loft and waiting for me was a furious father. He jumped out of his seat and slammed me with anger-filled questions but not a word registered in my mind as I just walked straight to my room with an astoundingly straight face. It's as if everything around me just went numb. I closed the door gently behind me and my dad let up immediately, knowing that nothing he was saying would be hitting me. For that, I was grateful.
I just landed on the bed, eyes to the ceiling but not looking at anything really. And like being hit with a freight train of emotions, I took a severe blow to every part of my body as the numbness went away. I had to slap my hand over my mouth to make sure nobody heard the heart splitting screech that escaped my throat and I curled up my body into a ball, keeping my knees against my chest. A physical pain, like someone paling a dagger through my stomach numerous times, stung excruciatingly inside of me.
Can her mother really do this? Can she really stop Blair and I from being together? I wish I had asked myself these questions yesterday. It might've spared my gut from twisting and tearing and maybe I wouldn't of had to sob in silence. I probably would've been able to eat something too. But I'll forgive myself because any sort of rational thinking was impossible at the time. I was almost sure that that was the end of something that had hardly even began.
Almost sure. However this morning I've woken up to the melodious sound of chirping birds and the comfort of a warming sun. Yet, it's none of these things helping me out of bed.
I just realised today's Monday. It's school. Blair and I go to the same school! So even if her mother were to banish me from her daughter, on the neutral grounds of our educational institute, there's nothing stopping this love from continuing to bloom.
With this new found knowledge, I damn near sprint into the bathroom to shower. I clean up quickly, dry myself off, brush my teeth and then blitz back to my room and get on my school clothes. I strap on my watch and check the time: 8:37AM!? That can't be right? I then slam open the garage door to see if Jenny's home. She's not.
"Hey, Dad?" I half shout as I open his room door abruptly, "Did Jen go to school?"
He wakes up groggily, "Yeah." He says wiping his eyes.
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
My dad sits up, "I thought you weren't in the best frame of mind to go..." He bobs his head to the side as he looks at my attire, "...so you're going to school?"
"Yeah, I have to."
"Okay, well I'm glad to hear that."
"Wake me up next time, okay, dad?" I tell him.
"I will, son..." I'm about to close the door but then he interjects quickly, "...you and I needa have chat, okay?"
"Dad, I really don't need to hear how stupid my actions were and all that, cause I know. Trust me."
"No, it has nothing to do with that. Just...we'll talk when you get home. Now get a move on, I'll call the school to tell them you were helping me out with the geyser this morning or something. Love you."
"Love you too, dad." I finally shut the door.
The bus ride to school takes the usual 35 minutes and it's 9:15AM when I walk into the front office. Mrs.Greene, our school receptionist who's very fond of me because I helped her out with a flat tyre after school last year, sees me immediately and beckons me over to her.
"Morning, ma'am." I greet her.
"Good morning, Mr.Humphrey..." She smiles, "...I did get your dad's call and I already told your English teacher you'll be a little late to second period but I just needed to give you this..." She hands me a page, "...it's the new school timetable. You've been put in class 10A, as expected."
"Oh yes, it was the integration today wasn't it, ma'am?" I reply as I look over the page.
"Yes."
"Okay, thanks ma'am." I hit the front desk as I push away to get to class.
"No worries."
I take a quick look at my timetable to see what venue my English class is in and I'm lucky to find it's in the St.Judes building. The building I'm currently in. I hurry off to the new class because it's already 10 minutes into the period and when I get to the door I knock first before opening it slowly.
An unfamiliar voice is talking to the class as I walk in but she stops once she hears the door squeak. I just know everyone in the class is looking at me and suddenly I'm nervous as I close the door. I take a small breath and then turn around to face the class, but my eyes widen uncontrollably as they land on the teacher first. This woman looks like she could be in High School? I swear I see her blush and give off a light chuckle when we lock eyes but I quickly knock myself out of it when she greets me.
"Good morning Dan...Hum-phrey?" She guesses my name.
I clear my throat, "Uh, good morning ma'am. Sorry for being late."
"No worries. I'm Ms.Carr, your new English teacher. You can take a seat wherever you'd like."
"Okay." I say awkwardly and then look to the class to see where there's an open spot.
And just as I do that, my eyes hit like a bullseye on Blair's who's sitting in the front row by the window side of the class. A smile forms on my face instantly as I look at her but she quickly averts her eyes downwards to her school books. My heart sinks at that. There's an open desk next to her though and I hurry to it quickly. But when I come to sit down next to her - she looks out the window. Is she upset with me?
"Here you go Dan..." Ms.Carr interrupts my current worries and puts a reading book on my desk, "...we're doing the 'Romeo and Juliet' playwright this semester."
"Thanks, ma'am."
"Pleasure..." She walks off back to the front of the class and my eyes turn to Blair immediately.
There's definitely something wrong here. I'm certain she would've been as happy as I was that we could see each other at school. But it doesn't seem like that now that I'm here in front of her. Ms.Carr interrupts again.
"Okay, so I'm sure you're all familiar with 'Romeo and Juliet'. So can anyone tell me, what's the central conflict in this play?" Ms.Carr asks the class but nobody answers.
"Okay then...I guess I'll have to force it out of you guys..." Her eyes scan the class, "...since you were late to class Mr.Humphrey, do you mind telling us?"
Of course she's asking me. It's not like I'm in the middle of a relationship crisis with my girlfriend of one day or anything. So yeah, I will answer the question ma'am. No fucking problem.
"Uhmmm, well I guess it's the fact of Romeo being a Montague and Juliet being a Capulet, two ancient families of Verona who have a horrible grudge against each other, that acts as the central conflict in this play and that also ultimately leads to Romeo and Juliet's fatal demise."
"Mmm, well done, Mr.Humphrey." Ms.Carr compliments.
Blair then mumbles something into the hand she's resting her chin on as she continue to stare out the window, but it doesn't escape the notice of our new teacher.
"Is there something you want to add...it's Blair right?" Ms.Carr says.
Blair turns her head, "Correct. And yes, there is something I want to add. The family conflict in Romeo and Juliet is not just centred around the deaths of Romeo and Juliet. It interferes heavily with their love from ever reaching its full potential too. Everything they do, they're bound to secrecy about it!" Blair says and although Ms.Carr seems very impressed, I know she's complaining about something far deeper. So I can't agree with her this time.
"Ma'am, if I may..." I raise my hand.
"Go ahead, Dan." Ms.Carr says and Blair finally turns to look at me today. Even though it's a death glare, I'm still happy about it.
"Even though the family does get in the way, it's very obvious that the family feud doesn't hinder Romeo and Juliet's love story. In fact, the secrecy of their relationship just proves that regardless of the ancient grudge match between their families, it wouldn't stop them from being together. They wanted each other, so by using secrecy as a tool, they got each other."
"But at what cost though?" Blair interjects angrily.
I look to Ms.Carr to make sure it's okay to carry on.
She nods and then I say to Blair, "If you're implying that their being together costed them their lives then surely you agree that the conflict had more to do with killing them than with interfering with their love? Surely you agree with that, Blair?" To the class and Ms.Carr this probably just seems like an ordinary debate over literature. It's not.
"But as I said, Dan, the conflict stops their love from reaching its full potential. I mean, they die right? So how could their love be blooming if they're dead?"
"But, Blair..." I say softly, hoping I'll get through to her, "...in the context of old Italy, a love's full potential is reached through marriage - something which Romeo and Juliet did do. And through the eyes of William Shakespeare, it's clear that his epitome of love is dying for the one you love - which is again something which Romeo and Juliet did do. So how can we say that their love didn't reach its full potential? Does love have to be on show for the public eye to be considered love? Is love only constituted as love if everyone knows you're in love?"
Blair looks at me and then averts her eyes down to her books. She's feeling embarrassed and I hate that I just did that to her. But there was something under the surface there. Almost as if Romeo and Juliet were playing as allegories for our current love story and Blair was trying to interpret their story in a way to say that her and I won't be able to last. But we will last. We will.
"Agh! That was brilliant you guys. Both of you make such valid points..." Ms.Carr says joyously, "...I think we should do a practice essay on this very topic: 'Does the central conflict influence solely the deaths of Romeo and Juliet? Or does it have a far greater impact?'"
The whole class groans at the idea, including me. First Ms.Carr stops me from sorting out my real life problems with Blair, then she inadvertently puts us in an argument about our relationship through the undertones of literature and now she wants me to do a practice essay for her? Worst teacher ever! Luckily the bell rings so there's no time to do this essay. It's also interval now so I have a chance to speak with Blair.
But she doesn't look like she wants to talk as she stuffs her books quickly into her bag and hurries out the class. I pack my bags quicker when I see she's already halfway through the door and then I blitz out the class as well.
The hallway's absolutely packed with students as I weave through them to catch up with Blair. She doesn't make the chase any easier though as she struts faster and faster away. But she has to stop at some point and as long I can see her it's okay.
*BAM!* "Watch where you're going, asshole!" Is all I hear as my head slams against the ground.
I sit up and put my hand on the back of my head, "Fuck!"
I then look upwards to find Blair's beach boy ex-boyfriend laughing at me with another guy who I've never seen yet. But he's laughing the harder of the two dickheads.
I get up quickly and stick my head right against Nate's as my eyes narrow in on him, "What the fuck's your deal, man?"
"Hey, chill out Brooklyn. It was a joke." Nate's friend tries to get in between us.
"Woah, don't start something you won't finish bro. That's all I'm saying." Nate says, trying to sound calm, but I can see the ass is scared shitless as he starts shuddering.
My fist clenches and the only thing running through my mind right now is connecting my knuckles to this beach boy's jaw. But before stupidity takes ahold of me, Ms.Carr comes rushing through the hallway and gets in between the three of us.
"Hey! What's going on here!" She shouts.
My lips stay shut but of course Nate's friend will have something to say.
"Nothing ma'am. This boy over here..." He points to me, "...was running through the hallways and bumped into Nate. And now he wants to cause a scene for his own faults."
"Is this true, Dan?" Ms.Carr looks at me.
I have to shake my head in laughter. What's the point in even trying to defend myself? With the hefty "donations" these guy's parents give to the school, there's not a chance Headmistress Queller will ever side with me. Might as well keep my dignity and just accept the consequences.
"Yes. It's true, ma'am." I say.
Ms.Carr looks at me skeptically though but she knows she can't do anything other than accept my guilty plea and give me a detention. Rather that than going through all the processes with our pay-rolled principal.
"Okay, boys, get a move on now." She tells Nate and his friend, "Dan, come with me."
"I can't." I blurt out worriedly, realising I should still be looking for Blair.
"What?" Ms.Carr's eyebrows furrow, "You don't have a much of choice here." She waves her hand to get me moving.
Begrudgingly I walk with her back to her class and immediately make my way into a desk. I guess she's making me serve an immediate sentence. She shuts the door behind her and then turns to look at me.
"What are you doing?" She asks me confusedly.
"Are you not giving me detention?" I reply.
"No."
"Then why am I here?"
"Was that the true story? You ran into that boy?"
"If it is, what happens?"
"Nothing..." She chuckles cheekily, "...if you haven't picked it up yet then I don't know - but I'm very fond of you, Daniel."
"Oh." Is all I can say.
"Yes, so if you get into any more squabbles just come to me and I'll protect you."
"Are you serious, ma'am?" I take back what I said. She's the best teacher. Ever.
"Yes, I'm serious. And please don't call me 'ma'am'. It makes me feel old." She chuckles.
"About that, how old are you...Ms.Carr, if you don't mind me asking."
"22." There's that cheeky smile again.
"Wow, that's super young."
"Yeah, I graduated from High School a year earlier so I had a head start on my degree. And you didn't hear this from me, but Mrs.Queller's having an affair with my dad." She tells me.
"And let me guess, he asked her to give you this job, hey?" I interject.
"No. He doesn't even know I know about their affair. But I did make a call to Mrs.Queller and said if she doesn't give me a position I'll rat her out to her husband."
"Woah, you're cold Ms.Carr." I chuckle.
"Call me Rach." She winks at me and suddenly there's a nervous lump in my throat.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive." She gives me that smile again and then the bell rings to signal the interval is over, "I'll see you tomorrow, Dan."
I swallow the lump, "Uh, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow...Rach."
I step out the class and all of a sudden there's a drop in temperature. I don't know if it's my mind playing tricks on me but there was loads of tension back in that classroom. Tension which doesn't feel right for a thousand reasons. One of them being Blair. Snap out of it! Ms.Carr was just being nice because you contributed so much to her class today. That's all. Nothing to see here.
I shake my thoughts off and head to my next period. It's in the Constance building so I make my way out St.Judes and through the quad which used to separate the two schools. I mean, it still separates them obviously, but not for gendered reasons anymore. Now it's more of an inconvenience than anything else really.
And as the Universe constantly tries to teach me to not speak harshly about anything, exhibit A being my slandering of Ms.Carr who turned out to be my saviour, I walk through the inconvenient quad and see Blair absorbed into her 'Anna Karenina' book. A perfect opportunity to talk to her, especially considering the quads emptied out cause everyone's on their way to class.
Cautiously so not to startle her, I walk to the table she's sitting at and sit down next to her. Her eyes shoot up as soon as I sit and she slams her book closed. But before she can do anything further I grab on her wrist.
"Blair." I plead.
"What, Dan?" I can hear the heartbreak circling in her throat.
"What's going on?" I ask gently.
"Please...don't make me say it." She shakes her head with tears brimming in her eyes.
"Say what?.." I move closer to her as my tummy twists with anxiety, "...say what, Blair?" My hand's not on her wrist anymore. It's on her cheek, waiting to wipe away her tears.
Her eyes shut, forcing the tears to stream down her face. My other hand moves instinctively to her other cheek and my thumbs try their best to stop this sorrowing tsunami.
She keeps shaking her head, murmuring, "I can't. I can't. I can't."
"Hey..." I say softly as I bring her face full of tears into my chest, "...it's okay, you're okay..." My hand runs over her hair as I kiss her head, hoping like crazy it helps.
But all it does is make her cry harder. She wraps her arms around my waist and I tighten my grip around her shoulders. Having her sob despairingly in my arms like this is a different kind of torture, one far too great to bare. The hiccups between her cries are like knives splitting my heart and the tighter her grip gets around me the more I know she's falling completely apart. Yet, all I can do is keep her close, however in vain it is, all I can do is keep her close.
"I'm sorry, Dan..!" She blurts out and another wave of tears gush from her eyes as her voice cracks.
"Blair..." I try my best to hold back the tears, "...there's nothing to be sorry about. Absolutely nothing. We're okay. Can't you see that?"
For a moment she doesn't say anything as she tries to recollect herself, and once her cries aren't overpowering her voice, she says weakly in my chest,
"You don't understand."
I move back quickly, catching her cheeks in my palms and tilting her head up to look at me. My eyes search hers - trying to figure out what it is she's finding so difficult to say - but looking in these doe-eyes are like looking into a night sky empty of stars. That sparkling hope that used to live gloriously within her depths, shining freely - is no longer there anymore.
But as dark as an empty night sky is, it's clear too, and in Blair's unlit eyes is a lucidity I don't want to accept. Yet, a reality I'm incapable of escaping. Who am I fooling? This is not a playwright. This is real life. And in real life, no matter how disenthralling young love feels, we're still dependent on the ones who've birthed us. And as long as that remains true, we'll always be bounded by their decisions. And, however unfair it may feel, Blair's mother's decision is clearly final.
Helplessness is an unmerciful feeling that's impossible to suppress, so I let the tears go as my head crashes grievingly against Blair's. She wraps her arms immediately around my neck and pulls us closer together - but it's all so pointless. The tighter we hold on, the more real, the more unbearable our imminent tragedy becomes. Like I said, we knew it was unforgivable, we knew there was no coming back. So to fool myself into thinking otherwise was nothing more than a thoughtless mistake. A hopeless fate.
I take her hands off my neck and wipe my face off with the arms of my blazer. She watches me swallow lumps and stifle cries as I get up off the seat to walk away. But I can't return the favour. Because if I look in her eyes again, I'll do something so selfish, so unfair...so inexplicably true that it can only ever hurt. I'll tell Blair I love her. I'll exclaim it as loud as I possibly can. I'll shout it for the heavens to hear. But what good will it do? For either of us? So all I do is keep walking away. Back to the front office. Back home.
Perhaps in not saying those words to Blair lies an underlying comfort. For even though I know it courses through my veins and burns beneath my fingertips, maybe if she doesn't know - maybe, just maybe, this won't be so painful to her after all. Maybe it'll just be another High School thing for her. A coming and a going. And I hope it is. Because her happiness is my happiness, and her sadness is my sadness. And to see those eyes sparkle with happiness again, even if it be without me, I'd do anything...