A/N: Hey guys! I hope if you're reading this you're well. This story is a year old since I wrote the first draft for my first chapter and that's so crazy to me. It's taken much longer than I anticipated to write this story but I'm still enjoying it and I hope you guys are too! Thanks for sticking with me, I really appreciate it! And thanks for the likes and reviews once again! Much Luv as always!

Death By Love.

I didn't expect the train ride to be so long but after 15 hours I'm finally in the city of Verona and a welcoming wind greets me as I step off the train.

For all the ludicrous things I've done when using my heart as a guiding light, this is by far the craziest. But my options have fallen short and this city seems like the best place to bury a broken heart.

In the same way that Blair told me we wouldn't last, it'll be through Romeo and Juliet that I let go of our past. Like visiting a graveyard to mourn, in a way this city that I've never been before already holds that very significance. And as I tour past every sight come the morning sun, I'll leave behind the pieces of me that have always been hers, and regain the parts of myself that I've lost these past two years.

From the Basilica of San Zeno to the Casa de Guiliete, step by step, I'll grieve the loss of someone who my heart wants to let live forevermore. But loving her consumes me whole and leaves me empty. So I haven't a choice but to lay these feelings to rest.

As promised, I did call Rufus at 6pm while I was on the train to let him know I'm safe, but obviously I had to endure about at least 20 minutes of him going on and on over how irresponsible this whole thing was.

He would've gone on longer but I couldn't take it anymore so I cracked, "It's about Blair, dad! Okay! It's about her."

And in an instant he understood exactly why I did what I did, why I'm doing what I'm doing. He softened up immediately and the call ended shortly after. No questions asked, no disputes made.

My eyes closed for a while and at midnight my alarm went off. Another call to my dad was due. This one was much shorter than the previous one though but that's because Rufus said I didn't have to call him every six hours. I don't think it was out of pure and honest trust for his responsible and intelligent son that he made that decision though. I probably just woke him up and it irritated him.

The time's bordering around 3am as I walk through the train station and make my way to the streets of Verona. There's definitely no cab services at this time of the night which is exactly why I booked a room at an hotel literally a quarter mile away from the station. Within five minutes me and my backpack are through the front doors and checking in.

Unfortunately, I had to pay for a double room as all the single rooms were taken, and there was absolutely no way I was going to splurge on a suite. The food prices in Italy won't allow it. When I get to my room I settle in quickly and get into bed. I've got about 6 hours left to sleep before mission 'get over Blair' commences.

But laying here as I am now with my eyes lost on the ceiling above me, sleep soon becomes the last thing on my mind. And of course it has to be her that comes to the fore.

I know, I know, all of this is pretty pathetic. It was two years ago. And it was literally the shortest relationship in history. But in some agonisingly beautiful way, Blair managed to leave an everlasting mark on me. So much so that many of the things I've done since I met her have always been with her in mind. However hopeless or hopeful my remembrance is, however inconsequential a consideration for her might've been, she has always been the reason.

And my coming to Verona is just one of many examples.

I remember shortly after Blair left for France, Rufus asked me if I wanted to move schools, or even move state. The way I pined for Blair before she left, the way I mourned our relationship during those 13 weeks after our breakup, my dad knew her leaving the country was only going to make things worse before they ever got better. He wanted to do anything he could to help me get over her.

But I didn't move schools and we didn't move state. We stayed and everything remained the same. Why? Because, what if Blair came back? That's why. I was reluctant to begin anew because even after every ounce of hope was taken away from me, I was still holding on. Even after the rope had been cut, torn, shredded, broken, even while I was falling to my imminent death, I was still holding on.

I missed her. I missed her for so long. So hard.

Some Friday evening I was roaming around the streets of that old mansion of hers, contemplating whether to break in just to see if it all still looked the same, or maybe just to find a piece of her remain.

The Saturday to come saw me sit for hours at that café beneath her old penthouse with consecutive cups of hot chocolate, each one always turning cold as my eyes wandered purposeless through the café window at the raindrops splitting against the tarmac.

The following Sunday I found myself in a cab from Brooklyn to that stationery store, from that stationery store to that bookshop, from that bookshop to that restaurant.

The next Monday I was skipping school and walking through central park in the pouring rain, looking in vain for that guy who sold hot chocolate and laying shamelessly upon the drenched grass surrounding the tree where we had once laid.

Come the next Saturday and I was walking recklessly through Coney Island, a bottle of I can't remember wrapped in my hand and a feeling of I can't forget punctured through my heart. That night was the second time I fell asleep on that beach.

In these places my heart became full and empty all the same. Healed and hurt. Lost and found. Alive and dying. But I savoured every moment, every step, allowing myself to be enveloped with the memory of her. Her aura clung to these places. Her laughter sung in these places. Her scent hung from these places.

I just wanted to be near her. However that came, I wanted it.

Those first three months after she left I spiralled into a place darker than I've ever been in before. The look of heartbreak paling through her face when she told me she was leaving was forever etched into my memory. And with her departure, so too left my heart, my soul and my life. Had Blair known she had held those parts of me for so long? I'm not sure. But it's time for me to take them back.

I shut my eyes tight, trying to squeeze all thoughts of her out my mind. I want to think of something else right now, anything else honestly, but definitely something that'll put me to sleep.

I shuffle in the bed frustratedly and end up on my side, nothing working. And like music to my ears, my phone starts ringing. At least it's a distraction.

I sit up and grab the phone off my bedside table. Oh, this is definitely a distraction. I answer.

"Hey, Serena, I'm sorry I didn't call..." I try explaining almost immediately.

She cuts me off, "Yeah, whatever I don't care. What did Rufus say?"

My head falls back and I wanna bang it as hard as I can against this headrest behind me. I fucking forgot to ask my dad if I can go to the Hamptons next week!

"He said yes." I lie like the coward I am.

"He did?!" She screeches and I can literally hear her smile widen through the phone.

"Yeah."

"See, what'd I tell you? Rufus can't be mad for so long. Humphrey men are way too soft to be holding grudges." She chuckles and I really hope she's right because now I'll be forced to ask Rufus if I can go. And I literally cannot take 'no' for an answer.

"Right you were..." I laugh nervously, "...so how's things back home?"

"It's okay. Kinda boring without you but that's nothing a trip to Bendel's can't fix. How about you, how's the Amalfi coast?"

Ah, yes, another lie incoming, "Beautiful, extremely beautiful, but super boring."

"Yeah I didn't like it all that much when I was there either...oh shit, what's the time there? Did I wake you up?"

I laugh, "It's almost four in the morning but don't worry, I was awake when you called."

"Dan! Please tell me you're not staying up all night reading again."

Lie, "How else do you know me?"

"Ugh! Anyways, unlike you I actually need my sleep so I'll call you again. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I reply and dead the line.

This is exactly what I like about being with Serena though. The simpleness of it all. There's never drama between us. But then again that might be a testament to how little we feel for each other. Which doesn't mean we don't care about each other cause trust me, we do, but not to the extent where the smallest things will make us mad at each other. And I guess our relationship is tied by something much stronger than love. And that's self-interest. She's there for me and I'm there for her.

Suddenly a yawn I've been yearning for escapes my mouth and I hug the blankets tightly against me. Within seconds I'm sucked in my slumber.

I slept like crap. Probably only got about a half an hour's worth of deep sleep but after that it was just me rolling around in that abnormally wide bed. Unnerved and restless, anxious about today.

But now that I'm standing here in front of the San Zeno Church with my backpack on and the little diary Blair got me in my right hand, reassuring rays of sunlight hug me warmly, and for the first time in a while I feel like I'm regaining control of my life again.

There's at least 20 other tourists standing outside with me. We're waiting for the church to open, but I hardly mind because simply just gazing at this structure in front of me stimulates my mind for the time being. The church is much bigger than what I imagined it to be. Especially the large bronze entry doors. And the bell tower beside it reminds me a little bit of 'Rapunzel'.

My appreciation for the building comes to a close though as the church doors open and everyone subtly walks as quickly as they can to get inside, trying hard not to look rude but simultaneously also not wanting to waste anytime. My hand clenches tightly around my little diary as I make my way up the stairway and into the church.

This tiny book holds every ounce of emotion I was capable of expressing for Blair. Every word was written for her. Not a letter curved without the thought of her roaming through my mind. Not a line rhymed without it rhyming in her remembrance. Not a verse was completed in the absence of her in my heart. An unending muse.

And that's exactly why I'm going to get rid of it.

I enter the nave of the church and my attention's caught instantly by the ceiling above. The curvature of it, and how in some weird way it looks completely out of place but also exactly where it's meant to be. My eyes then fall upon the colonnade running across the room, and the walls that are being supported above them. And then down onto the floors beneath me, beautiful tiles laid out in perfect shape.

I've never really been into architecture but the way this place was constructed can only be described as art. Which is even more impressive considering the numerous amounts of artworks that decorate the entire church.

After a few minutes of gazing around though I remember why I'm here. According to all the research I've done Romeo and Juliet apparently got married in the crypt of the San Zeno church. And according to the dictionary, a crypt can be used as either a chapel or as a burial place. And that is just extremely fitting for my current enigma.

I walk through the main area of the church towards the staircase leading into the crypt. But with every step forward my hands suddenly become sweatier and my heart beats quicken. And each step feels more difficult than the previous one. I ignore these things though and eventually make it to the staircase.

Yet, looking down into this crypt makes everything that much more overwhelming. Did I even think this decision through? Is this really going to help me? Where am I even going to get rid of this book? Why all this trouble for a girl who doesn't even care?

Tears try to escape my eyes but I pinch close my lids and swallow the lump in my throat. A deep breath in and a deep breath out. I unclench my jaw, remove my tongue from my palate, rest my shoulders and relax my eyebrows. I open my eyes again and it still feels difficult to do this, but this time it doesn't feel like the walls are closing in on me.

I walk down the stairway and into the crypt. Almost immediately I see past the colonnade and right at the sarcophagus of Saint Zeno. The burial area is blocked off though, but as I come closer towards it, the picture a young Romeo and Juliet in their utmost innocence and as giddy as ever, being wed together in this little area that is Saint Zeno's resting place, becomes more and more realistic in my mind's eye.

If their story is true then that's truly a consolation for my heart. How enthralling their love might've been, at such tender ages, to become all that which is love and all that which isn't love. To defy everything their entire lives have been built upon, just to be with each other.

'What's in a name?'

I have longed to have that. Longed to be with Blair no matter what. If she had asked me to leave New York, I would have. If she had asked me to keep our love a secret, I would have. If she had asked me to love her from afar, I would have. If she had asked me to wait for her, I would have waited until the end of time. But instead she asked me to let go.

I can feel the tears forming behind my eyes again.

I make my way into one of the pews just to resettle myself. I set my diary beside me on the seat as my head falls, and in the split of a second every single memory of Blair runs through my mind. Things are so easy when I'm not thinking about her. But I'm always thinking about her!

I pick the diary back up frustratedly and all I wanna do is fling it across the room. Fuck this book! And fuck these feelings! I feel like tearing every single page out and ripping this stupid little diary apart. I...I...I just want her out of my head! Out of my fucking heart! GET OUT!!!

Fuck it. I get up out this pew and throw this stupid fucking book as hard as I can into the blocked off burial area. I don't care that it causes a ruckus. I don't care that it's disrespectful. And I honestly don't care that everyone's watching me. Once the book is out of my hands I stomp back towards the Nave of the church.

I can feel the eyes of all the tourists on me, and probably a few security guards too, but everyone can clearly see I'm walking out this stupid place so they just leave me be.

Once I'm outside, the sun beams strongly against my skin and I plant myself onto the entryway steps. As I sit down with my head in my arms to take a moment to process what just happened in there, the tears start to fall mercilessly onto the centuries old stairs beneath me. I hate that I love Blair. And I love her so much.

But this, this right here, this is exactly why I have to let go. I'm forever losing myself without her. And it is as clear as the sun shining above me that I'll be without her forevermore.

"Hey, sir..." Someone pats me on my shoulder and it startles me a little, "...is this yours?" An Italian accent says.

I wipe my eyes dry before turning around to see a security guard hold out my diary to me. Concern spreads across the guards face as he looks at me and I kinda feel bad for the theatrics I just pulled. But I also don't ever wanna see that book again.

So I shake my head, "Uhh, no, that's not mine."

I stand up off the stairs and take my sunglasses out of my backpack.

As I put the bag back around my back and put the glasses on, I say to the guard, "Thanks, though."

The guard's face skews, "You sure it's not yours?"

"I'm sure."

"So why did you throw it at the dead man in the church?" He grins.

Shit. "Okay it is mine, but I don't wanna see that book ever again so yeah, just throw it away or burn it, I don't care, I don't want it."

The guard chuckles and then his eyes fall on the book, inspecting it's leather exterior, and then they come back up to me.

"Okay." He says flatly, but super reassuringly as well.

"Thank you."

"No problem boy. Now come back inside, you look too unhappy out here."

My eyes widen behind these sunglasses, "Oh no, it's okay, I have to go anyway."

My completely rational mind tells me that as soon as I step foot in this church this guard will have the jurisdiction to arrest me, because why else would he pester me to come back in the church? And I still remember what Rufus told me the other night when I went out with Alicia.

The guard puts his arm around me, "Don't worry, I know you still want to look around. It's okay, I swear."

He starts walking up the stairs and I get a fright feeling how strong this man is. It's like he's dragging me back into the church.

But the way he told me not to worry seemed genuine to my gullible touristy ears. I'm hoping God is with me in this church. We get back into the main area of the church and we walk to one of the benches. We sit down and the longer I'm inside the more at ease I feel.

Just as we seat ourselves, the guard calls over one of his security friends and tells him something in Italian as he gives him my book. I hope to the Man above that he's asking his friend to get rid of it as the guy runs off to who knows where.

"See, you look much better now!" The guard pats me on my back. Well, it's way cooler in this church than outside so that could be a reason.

"What's your name boy? You American, huh?" He asks me.

"Yeah, and it's Dan." I reply, and then take off my sunglasses, remembering I'm in a church and I don't wanna disrespect the holy ground twice.

"Dan..." The guard repeats my name as he puts it to my face, "...I'm Emanuel." He puts his hand out to me and I take it. Definitely feeling better right now.

Emanuel's friend comes running back and his got an ice cold bottle of water in his hands which he stretches out to me.

"For me?" I ask the friend.

He nods his head and then pushes the bottle further to me, insistent on me taking it. I do.

"Thank you very much."

Emanuel's friend then runs back to where he stood earlier and as I take sips of this water, which flows soothingly down my throat, Emanuel begins telling me the history of this beautiful church. He too believes that Romeo and Juliet got married here, let alone them actually being real people. We speak for at least another half an hour before he excuses himself. The man still has a job to do.

But I thank him vigorously for his kindness before he goes back to work. And now as I sit on this mahogany bench, it occurs to me that this is the first time I've found respite right after a breakdown over Blair. Usually it takes a few alienating days to recover. Or to at least become numb again. But I guess opening myself up to the world is something I should've done a long time ago.

"Is this seat taken?.." A voice says so soft I second guess if I even heard it.

My eyes flicker up to that voice, drawn to it by more than just the question, and sliding into this bench as if we're far too familiar for greetings, Blair seats herself a mere few inches close to me.

Every muscle in my body stiffens and I damn near freeze at her presence. Why is she here? Did she know I was here?

Her eyes look up at mine, her hands clutch around the edges of the bench, and she bites nervously on her bottom lip. I'm still frozen in spot. Unable to get a word out. Probably incapable of getting a breath out too.

She moves her eyes from my face, down my neck, onto my body, and comes back to meet my eyes. A somber look falling on her face. I just watch her watch me. But then she slides closer to me again and my heart punches out of my chest. I can't do this.

I get up quickly and walk straight towards the exit doors. My head's spinning, my body's tensed everywhere and I can barely see 5 meters ahead of me. But I make it out the church and soon I'm back under the blazing sun. I don't know where I'm going but I'm going. I just have to go.

I find myself at a bus stop without a bus. Great. There's a place to sit, for me to calm my nerves and regather my thoughts. But I can't. I pace up and down the sidewalk while waiting on the bus, a million things running through my mind. Why was Blair there? Did she know I was there? Was she following me? Why am I running away? Was that even her?

The bus finally comes and thoughts fall away. I jump in as soon as the doors open, tempted to shout 'drive!' like we do to the cab drivers back in New York. But all I do is find a seat right at the back. Kinda relieved, mostly freaking out. And to make matters worse it feels like eternity as the bus driver waits for more passengers to board.

I don't know what's going on. And I don't want to know. I just wanna go back to my hotel room. Questions are circling my mind again. Such dangerous questions. Questions that I hate the answers to. Questions that turn to heartache. Heartache stemmed from hope. Hope drawn from the nothingness of what we were. Because we're strangers, right?

"Dan?.." A voice travels agonisingly from the front of the bus. A voice broken and torn apart.

I look up and see Blair standing in the walkway, looking straight at me with tears streaming down her face; black mascara stains her cheeks and the white sundress she's wearing. Her legs shudder as she keeps hold of the handle bar beside her and knots start to tie in my stomach.

Her drenching eyes are ripping my heart out with every tear that falls. And even after all this time, after all this distance, her sadness is still my sadness. So I let myself go. My eyes shut as my jaw clenches and in an instant cries flood over my face. Why is she here? And why did she run after me? The questions run through my mind again. Why? When I'm just a stranger to her?

But before I can stop myself from answering them in hope, stop myself from drawing stupid conclusions about her intentions, a weight's thrown against my body and onto my lap.

My eyes open as Blair wraps her arms hard around my neck, holding me tightly and closely, as if I could slip right out of her hands. And just like that, I'm home. Just like that, I'm whole.

I bring my arms around her waist and I pull her as close to me as possible. No one can fathom how much I've missed having her in my arms. I can't even fathom it. My eyes shut as I try to hold onto this moment forever. As I try to hold onto Blair for...as long as I can.

We stay like this for a while, saying nothing, crying everything. But soon the bus starts moving.

Blair brings her head out of my shoulder and our teary eyes meet. She gives me a small smile and my tummy does somersaults. My hands find her cheeks and I wipe the tears from her eyes. A chuckle of relief leaves our mouths and it's no longer glimmers igniting her eyes. It's fireworks. We haven't said a word to each other yet. But we don't have to.

We're too familiar for words anyway.

...