Hey, guys. Big Diesel and [girlfriendoftheauthor] here. Writer's block is something else. When you are busy adulting, you can't really find the time to write your stories. With my girlfriend now working on her dissertation, her time is now filled. As much as I want to continue these funny and horror stories, my brain is now too focused on work to pay the bills. The fallacy of being an educator. I won't say hiatus for the brain can produce some great material. Until then, wait patiently for my future stories. As of now, I can give you these small, yet humorous short stories. Some original, some you are familiar with. I hope you guys enjoy. Strive and prosper, God bless, and enjoy!

Shout out to my female supporters. Just because I know you guys also enjoy our humor.

Short Story #1

Katsuki is a father of six children and he is very proud of his achievement. So much so that he starts calling his wife, Momo, the Mother of Six. This is much of the chagrin of Momo for she is met with laughter from those who knew the couple.

One evening, the couple is invited to a party at Izuku's. As he gets tired and is ready to go home, he wants to be sure if Momo is ready to leave. At the top of his lungs, the blonde shouts, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

Momo is upset and irritated by Katsuki's embarrassing remarks. It is met with laughter. She takes a breath. She closes her eyes. At the top of his lungs, she shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, my dearest Father of Three!"

Short Story #2

Nemuri Kayama and Yuu Takeyama are out in Akihabara Christmas shopping for their husbands. As they venture through the district, Yuu asks Nemuri on what she is going to buy her husband.

"I am thinking on buying him a leather coat and a Silver Porsche. I reckon if he doesn't like the leather coat, then he will like the Porsche." She turns to Nemuri. "What about you?"

Nemuri puts her finger to her lip. "I am thinking of getting my man a hint and a dildo. I reckon if he doesn't take the hint, then he can go screw himself."

In her possession, she shows Yuu a paper of divorce papers.

Short Story #3

Enji Todoroki spends a few hours at a bar before returning home to his wife drunk.

Frustrated by her husband's drunkenness and late arrival, she demands an answer.

"Sorry, okaa-san, I went to this amazing bar," he slurs to her as he staggers back and forth. "It's called the Honey Lemon Bar where everything there is golden." He giggles. "At the front, there are two huge golden doors. The floors are golden. Even the urinals are golden as well."

Crossing her arms, she snaps, "What foolery! I don't believe a word of it. I swear to Christ if it's that Kayama bitch again."

"Relax, baby," he says as he reaches into his pocket. He hands her a piece of paper. "Here is the number. Call if you don't believe me." He pats her on the head. "Now, if you excuse me, I got to go take a shit."

The next day, Rei phones the Honey Lemon Bar.

"Good afternoon, Honey Lemon Bar," says the bartender.

"Yes, sir. My name is Rei Todoroki and I have a question about your establishment."

"Sure! Ask away!"

"Tell me," she says. "Do you have two huge golden doors at the entrance of the building."

"Sure do! Custom made from Sierra Leone," says the bartender.

"And you have golden doors?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"What about golden urinals?"

There is a pregnant silence. From the phone, Rei can hear the bartender yell, "Hey, Satou, I think I have a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone again last night."

Short Story #4

Nirengeki goes on a date with his classmate, Mina. After taking her to the movies and having dinner, the couple decides to go for a night drive.

They are parked on a back road so they can see the clear view of stars.

Nirengeki is nervous. This is his first date with a girl who is actually his crush. As he ponders on what to do, Mina stops him.

"Nirengeki, before we go any further, there is something I need to you."

"What is it," he asks nervously.

"I want to be honest. I should have mentioned this earlier." She sighs. "I do compensation dating."

"Compensation dating," he says. "Like a hooker?"

She sighs. "Yes, like a hooker. I should I have said something earlier. You are just a nice guy."

Nirengeki drops his head. "In a way, I should have known better. God, I am stupid."

She touches his arm. "Don't be! You are a sweetheart. You are a good boyfriend to be. I wish you lots of luck for any girl that likes you." She lets go. "However, a job is a job. So, I do have to charge if you want to go further."

"How much?"

"$20!"

She begins to unbutton her blouse. She pulls out a condom from her pocket. "So, do you want to rattle?"

Nirengeki knows that an opportunity like this isn't going to present itself anytime soon. Reluctantly, he pays her. So, the evening is filled with Nirengeki losing his virginity to Mina in compensation dating.

When finished, Mina pulls the condom from him and tosses it outside. Nirengeki buttons his pants and laments about the date. As Mina applies her makeup, she notices that Nirengeki isn't going anywhere. He sat looking at the window.

"Why aren't we going anywhere," asks Mina.

"Since we are being honest," he says as he points to the sticker on the window. "I should have mentioned to you earlier that I am actually a part-time Uber driver. I know your mother gave me a stern promise of taking you back home." He looks at his cell phone. "The fare to take you back home is going to be $30."

Short Story #5

There are three married couples (Izuku and Ochako, Shouto and Momo, and Minoru and Tsuyu) who are participating in a study conducted by Camie Utsushimi. Each couple is interested in joining the local country club. At the end of the interview, Camie tells the couples that in order to join the country club, they will have to pass a test. They will have to abstain from sex for a month. Each couple agrees to try.

So, a month has passed. The couples return to the country club to have their final interview. Camie first asks Izuku and Ochako Midoriya how things went with them.

Ochako speaks for them. "Well, it wasn't bad. Izuku spent time working on his Gunpla collection whereas I was working on my garden. On the weekends, we spent time with family. So, everything was okay."

Camie nods excitedly. "Well done, Mr. and Mrs. Midoriya, I grant you permission to the country club."

Camie turns to Shouto and Momo Todoroki. "Okay, you guys. How did things work out?"

Shouto speaks for them. "Well, Ms. Utsushimi, it was somewhat difficult. We wore plain clothing so we wouldn't turn each other on. We avoid watching any television with temptation. We had to sleep in different beds. I even spent time with my own father." He slaps his forehead. "Nevertheless, we were celibate the whole month."

"Excellent, I am proud of you guys," says Camie. "I grant you permission to the country club, Mr. and Mrs. Todoroki."

Camie turns to Minoru and Tsuyu. "How about you two? How did you guys do?"

Minoru doesn't look at Camie. Tsuyu twiddles her thumbs. "We did okay for the first week," says Tsuyu. She swats her tongue at Minoru. "Say something."

"Something," he says.

"Okay, you two," says Camie. "Just explain."

Minoru tells Camie, "We tried, okay? By the second week, the temptation is real. When she skins carrots, I got a hard-on. When I bumped myself on my knee and released a moan, she got horny." He drops his head. "On week three, Tsuyu accidentally drops some cucumbers. When she bent over to get them, I lost all hope and got her right there."

Camie shakes her head in disappointment. "I am sorry, my dears, but I can't allow you guys to enter the country club."

Tsuyu nods her head. "We understand. We're not too welcome at Wal-Mart anymore, either."

Short Story #6

Minoru is drunk and knows he isn't in any condition to drive. Being wise, he leaves his key to the bartender, leaves his car parked, and walks home. As he staggers down the road, he is stopped by the police.

The policeman gets off of his bike and goes to the drunken Minoru. "Excuse me, sir, but why are out here at this ungodly hour? It is near three in the morning."

"I am on my way to a lecture," replies Minoru.

"A lecture you say," responds the policeman. "And who is going to give a class at this hour/"

"My wife," answers Minoru.

Short Story #7

Enji suspects that his wife is having an affair with his son's friend, Izuku. Izuku has been making frequent visits at the residence. Even on days when Shouto isn't there. Enji needs to go outside of town for a tournament for a few days, so he decides to make a trap as proof of his wife's infidelity.

The day of his trip, he puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he ties a spoon. Conducted a little research on physics, he knows that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. However, if more weight was put to the bed, then the spoon will droop into the milk, leaving evidence. He hopes that he is wrong. The trap is set and he leaves for his trip.

Several days later, Enji returns home. The first thing he does is reach under the bed. When he retrieves the bowl, it is now filled with butter.

Short Story #8

Nemuri Kayama asks Izuku Midoriya to spend the summer break with her training for becoming a Pro Hero. So, his summer break is spent training under Deku and Midnight. They work hard and she shows no mercy in training him. Despite the hazardous, stressful training, Deku does well.

At the end of the summer, Midnight tells Deku, "Deku, since you have done such a fine job training with me, I am going to throw a party for you."

Deku smiles at Midnight. "Great. Thank you!"

"Good because you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lots of drinking!"

"I am not much as much of a drinker, but I think I can handle myself."

Midnight adds, "There is going to be a lot of ass-kickings so I hope you are ready."

Deku nods his head in agreement. "You have trained me well and vigorously. So, I know I am in good shape."

"One more thing," says Midnight. "Did I mention there will be lots of sex?"

"Really," questions Deku. "I am quite curious especially if Ochako comes to this party. So, when and what should I wear this party?"

Midnight says, "Nothing fancy for it is going to be me and you."

"Say what?"

"And the party begins now. Also, I have swallowed lots of fertility pills. Let's put your training to work!"

Short Story #9

Hisashi Midoriya went to the doctor's office to get his wife's, Inko, test results. As he arrived at the counter, the receptionist told him, "I am sorry, Mr. Midoriya, but I am afraid that there has been a mistake on our end."

"What is the matter," asked Hisashi.

"Well, there has been a mix-up at the lab. When we submitted your wife's sample, it was sent with another Mrs. Midoriya as well. So, we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. I am afraid that is either bad or terrible."

"Explain please."

"Well, one Mrs. Midoriya has tested positive for early onset dementia and the other for AIDS," said the receptionist. "So, we don't know which one your wife has."

"Oh, my God. Can there be a retest," asked Hisashi worriedly.

"As much as we wanted, your insurance won't pay for more than one expensive test," replied the receptionist.

"Well, what should I supposed to do," asked Hisashi.

"The doctor recommends that you should drop your wife off in the middle of the woods. If she finds her way back home, then don't sleep with her."

Short Story #10

Toru is interning as a psychiatrist. She is conducting a group therapy session with three mothers (Tomoko, Shino, and Ryuko) and their young children.

"Well, ladies," says Toru. "It seems to me that you all have obsessions." She looks at Tomoko. "It seems that you are obsessed with sweets. You even named your daughter Candy."

She turns to Shino. "Your obsession is with money. So much so that you have named your child Yentaro."

At this point, Ryuko gets up to prepare to leave, she takes her son by his hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, let's leave."

To be continued….