We Laughed, We Loved, We Lost. And It Was Epic. :
Aiden's funeral was different from Allison's.
The only people in attendance were the members of the pack and our families because the twins had only been at school for a few months, and they hadn't been too focused on making friends.
Ethan and I stood at the front of the group, hands clasped tightly together in a silent show of joined strength. Scott, Stiles, Lydia, Jackson and Danny huddled in a small group behind us, close by in case one of us cracked under the pressure of saying goodbye and needed to comfort us. Chris, Derek and Isaac stood off to the left while my mom and John stood on the right. Even Kira and her parents had come to show their support and hung out at the back of the group since they didn't know Aiden. I swear, I could even feel Peter's presence hidden in the shadows watching the proceedings.
Ethan had chosen a beautiful clearing in the middle of the forest to bury his brother. Apparently, there was some secret meaning behind the spot and he insisted that Aiden rest there eternally.
That was yesterday.
Today I sat cross-legged in front of the small stone with Aiden's name carved into the top, alone in the small peaceful clearing as I absently played with the grass and avoided looking at Aiden's makeshift headstone.
"I know I was here yesterday, but so was everyone else and I didn't feel I could say goodbye properly with everyone staring at me with pity." I started to tell him quietly as I licked my lips nervously and I sighed heavily as I kicked off my shoes so that I was more comfortable.
I felt kind of silly speaking to nothing but the air in front of me, but it was the practiced social convention. I knew nothing I said would bring him back. Nothing I did would make him passing any easier, but believing he could hear me, even for a moment, it felt freeing to speak without restraint. Everyone had been more than happy to offer their time with I wanted to talk about Allison or Aiden, but for some reason I didn't like the thought of having another break down.
"I really did love you. So much." I told him honestly in a small voice as I felt tears gathering in my eyes and I cleared my throat gently as I ran a hand through my messy hair. "I didn't know I could love someone like that. At least not romantically. Not with someone I hadn't known my whole life. I was totally comfort around you. Even in the beginning when we weren't actually together. I don't know what that was about. There was no pressure to act a certain way, no awkward moments. I could just be myself, completely. I ended up liking you more than I originally planned. Falling in love with you isn't something I expected to do, but being in love with you is something I couldn't stop. I think I was in love with you before I even knew it. That's one of my biggest regrets. If you love someone, you should tell them, right? Forget the rules, or the fear of being seen as ridiculous. If you have the opportunity to tell them you love them, you should take it, right? You never know when it will be your last. I should have told you the moment I knew for sure. I'm pretty sure it was when we were planning on that heist for Katashi's silver finger. I overheard you talking to Scott outside the Argent's door. Scott was threatening you, and you said that I could inflict pain on my own. I know that's stupid. But you believed in me, and it made me love you even more. I should have told you then. Or sooner than I did. You should've known beyond a doubt that I loved you. Because I did! I loved you, Aiden. You were the first person I ever loved. The person I'll always love. And I'll never forget you."
I realised I was crying when a tear dropped down onto my hand and I quickly wiped my eyes roughly as I sniffled gently. I let out a small breathy laugh as I forced myself to stop crying and I smiled sadly at the makeshift headstone as I bit my lower lip between my teeth. "Thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me what it was like to be in love. Thank you for giving me a measure for all future relationships. I'm sure no one can measure up to you."
"He was a good man." A familiar British voice stated from behind me and I instantly spun around with wide shocked eyes. Deucalion stepped out from behind the tree line as I stood up without taking my eyes off of him and he offered me a small smile as he walked forward slowly, as though I was a frightened animal on the verge of attacking. "A better man than me."
"That tree is a better man than you." I said drily as I pointed a large oak tree to the side of the clearing with a blank expression on my face and he chuckled slightly as he stopped a few feet to my left. "What are you doing here?"
"I heard about what happened. I wanted to come say goodbye."
"How did you even hear about it? Have you been stalking us? I know you sent a mercenary to save Derek from the Calavera's."
"A friend of mine is an Alpha over in London. Apparently, one of his young Betas explained the situation to him before he came over here for a visit. My friend called me when he heard that it was the McCall pack that had lost a member – "
"Two." I interrupted angrily as I snapped my head around to glare at him and he lifted an eyebrow at me as he looked back at me in question. "We lost two members of the pack. Not one."
"My apologises. Of course, the Argent huntress." Deucalion said gently as he turned to look at Aiden's gravestone seriously and I sighed slightly as I followed his gaze down at the polished rock. "Anyway, my friend called me when he heard that it was the McCall pack that lost two members and I came to investigate what had happened."
"Japan demon and shadow ninjas." I answered promptly without even thinking as I nodded sagely along with my own words and he turned his head to look at me incredulously with disbelief clearly written on his face. "I'm being completely serious right now. We had to fight a Nogitsune that had control of a bunch of Oni."
"And to think, Aiden used to love kung-fu movies." He remarked drily as he shook his head slightly to himself and I let out a small chuckle despite myself as I slowly let my guard down around the self-proclaimed 'demon-wolf'.
"What are you really doing here?" I asked him suspiciously as I tilted my head to the side curiously with a small frown and he let out a long suffering sigh as though he had been repeating himself countless times over. "I'm sorry if I find it a little unbelievable that you actually care. You are the guy that smashed Ennis' skull in with his bare hands. Excuse me if I'm slightly sceptic of your motivation."
"I'm sure you know that I was attempting to build the perfect pack. That's why I wanted a True Alpha, like your brother."
"You were on a narcissistically psychotic mission to form the perfect pack. I was there when you failed. I don't need a history lesson."
"Aiden and Ethan were always the best of us. At the time I didn't care that I was burning out what was good about them. Their ability to merge both their bodies into a single large creature was a uniqueness I desired to possess. When I found them they were badly mistreated as Omega's in a pack of brutal werewolves. And I helped them develop their ability to merge together into a larger form so that once they'd mastered the ability they killed the rest of their pack, including their Alpha. I trained them to kill mercilessly. Treated them like attack dogs for my own devices." He admitted softly under his breath, almost as though he was speaking to himself and had forgotten that I was standing there. Or maybe he was speaking to Aiden like I had been doing. "After what happened with the Darach, let's just say I received more than just my physical vision. I was afraid that they were too far gone. That I had destroyed the part of them that could love, and be loved."
There was a tense silence as we both stared at Aiden's headstone. I didn't know what to say after that revelation. It almost sound like remorse in Deucalion's voice, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything to comfort him. Nearly everything he said was right. He wasn't asking for me to dispute him, he was just stating facts. There was only one point in his whole speech I could argue.
"Ethan has people who love him. He has friends who care about him for who he is. And I was in love with Aiden. I knew about their past. Aiden told me. I loved him anyway. They had the capacity for compassion, empathy, kindness. They had their humanity. Being human is a given, but keeping your humanity is a choice." I said firmly, without a shred of doubt in my voice as held my chin up with pride and a small smile pulled at the edge of my lips as I thought about the ex-Alpha twins.
Deucalion turned his head to look at me with a quirked eyebrow as a small smile played on the edge of his lips and I stared back at him defiantly as I raised both eyebrows at him, daring him to say something.
"You remind me so much of Talia. She would be proud of you, Sophia."
I felt tears prick my eyes as I turned my head away from him, not wanting the man in front of me to see me present any kind of weakness and I cleared my throat gently as I blinked away the tears. Having someone compare me to Talia Hale was a major compliment and I wasn't sure how to handle it coming from someone who I hated. Did that make it even more flattering, or did that make it insulting?
"I don't know if that's true. I feel like I'm going to crack every time someone mentions Allison or Aiden. It feels like my heart is literally going to break in half. It hurts. It hurts so much." I confessed to him for some reason I didn't even know as I tilted my head up to the sky and let the sunlight that was streaking through the branches shine down on my face. "I feel like everyone is standing around just waiting for me to start crying, or to fall into some comatose state out of depression. I know that it's crazy, but a part of me feeling guilty for not. Like I'm disappointing them, or like I'm not grieving the right way, or I don't know. Oh, god, I can't even mourn properly."
"Anyone can give up, Sophia, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength." Deucalion assured me quietly as though he didn't want to break the peaceful silence that had overcome us and I peeked at him from the corner of my eye as I felt a small smile spread across my lips without my control.
"I suppose I should be saying thank you." I said nonchalantly as I turned my head to look at him with a small smile on my lips and he tilted his head curiously as he looked back at me with a quirked eyebrow in question. "Hm. If it wasn't for you ordering Aiden to get close to me, I never would have falling in love with him. So, thank you. I wouldn't have it any other way."
"That's nice of you to say, but I'm afraid you owe all of that to Aiden himself."
"What are you talking about?"
"I didn't assign Aiden to get close to you. I assigned him to get close to Lydia." He informed me with a slightly surprised tone in his voice as I gaped at him and his lips quirked up into a smug smirk as he shook his head a little. "He didn't tell you. I thought getting close to you would too difficult given that you're Scott's sister so I told Aiden to go after Lydia. But once he met you, I guess he was captivated."
"Captivated?" I asked in a small voice as a grin spread across my lips with tears burning in my eyes and I stared down at Aiden's headstone as fresh wave of heartache hit me with a vengeance.
Nothing else needed to be said between Deucalion and me. It wasn't an alliance. It wasn't absolution. It wasn't even understanding. It was goodbye.
Aiden and I were probably never meant to be, but I loved every single second that I spent with him and I would never regret what we had together.
I knew that it was highly unlikely that I would ever get over Aiden. He was my first love. There was a version of me before him, but I knew beyond a doubt that I would never be the same. I hoped that over time I'd slowly learn to go on without him, that I would see a photo of him and smile at the memory instead wanting to cry for the future.
I loved Aiden with all my heart. But it was time to start healing.