Last Time on BPoT:

Half an hour goes by like this, with Loki drooping more and more, his posture relaxing. Wanda only gets more tense, fatigue hunching her shoulders. On and on it goes, until Loki's eyes clear of the madness, and he takes a deep breath through the nose.

"Y-you," he breaths, green smoke increasing.

Wanda jerks again, as if hit. "Yes. I have come to…redeem myself."

"I suppose I owe you my thanks," he forces out, pushing up the wall until he's standing. There are blood marks in shape of claws behind him, blood on his fingernails. A vivid reminder of what happened. The red smoke is still round his body, green sparks intermingling.

"It is not permanent," Wanda tells him. "I will need more sessions."

Loki sighs. "I suppose it was inevitable."

"Brother!" Thor admonishes.

"Peace," Loki says, flinching at something. "It seems you and I shall be working together, Lady Maximoff."

Wanda doesn't seem very sure how to take that. Probably remember her whole part in this. "You still see shadows?"

"Shadows…yes." Already Loki's gaze has dimmed.

Wanda flexes her fingers. "If you are up to it, I will do more now."

Loki walks to the little eating table and sinks into the straight-backed seat there. He beckons Wanda over to the other chair. She complies, and then gestures Xavier to wheel in.

"I will have need of your powers, Professor," she says, already conjuring up more of her smoke.

And now:

It creeps up on him sometimes, this broken madness. Inky fingers of sludge that crawl across his mind, and then grip it with an intensity that is almost all-encompassing. It crushes his thoughts, squeezes his rational, leaves him screaming as he remembers nothing but pain, pain, pain – and Thanos. Always Thanos. As if the memories of the titan are the essence of all his entire being now.

Loki refuses to give the titan that.

Thanos has taken much from him, too much. Loki will not let him achieve total victory.

Never.

Thus, he fights, as only he can, in his mind. Battles the relentless attacks of madness at every hour, waking or dark. The woman, Wanda, helps, but there are times that even she cannot reach him. He recalls all to clearly her aid is his capture by HYDRA, and of her torments she inflicted upon him. How he begged, and she laughed.

0/0/0/0/0

"Did it please you?" he asks, staring out the window from his seat. The snow is falling in light flakes, coating the tall buildings with a sheet of purity. How he wishes it could cover his own soul in such illusioned innocence.

Wanda stirs in her seat. "What?"

He turns his gaze to the young woman sitting across the table. "Did it please you have me at your feet? Begging, pleading, crying for mercy, watching me thus, and then refusing me."

Wanda takes a shaky breath in.

Loki continues, before she can answer. "Did it make your own powerlessness feel more bearable?"

Her eyes narrow. "You have no idea what they did to us."

"And yet you served them."

"As you served Thanos!"

"Indeed." Loki chuckles, a wisp of hysteria coloring his vision. "One does a great many things to stop pain. Do they not, Miss Maximoff?"

She clenches her hands into fists. Threads of red smoke worm round her fingers.

"Angry, Miss Maximoff? Feeling the need to strike out at me?"

She shakes her head, and uncurls her fingers. "Why do you do this?"

"It amuses me."

"Hardly," she scoffs. "Why?"

"To show you." Loki leans forward. "I may need you now, but never think all is forgiven."

0/0/0/0/0

He is not the only broken one.

Not the only one seeking redemption.

He wonders if either of them will get it.

If he will ever really forgive the girl.

Or if they're both doomed to their shattered spirits.

Not everyone is like Coulson

0/0/0/0/0

The balding man before him sighs. "Is this really necessary?"

"Yes."

"Very well." The agent seats himself in the couch. "How do we do this?"

Loki lowers himself to his knees. His injuries flare at the position, but he forges on. This must be done, now in this lucid moment, if he is ever to go forward. There are too many deaths and horrors on this world to make up for it all, but he can start with this man. He touches his head to the floor – Coulson sucks in a hissed breath –, and straightens himself to his knees again.

"I have done grievous harm to you, Phil Coulson. Attempted your life, attacked your world, and controlled many of your people. I offer wergild in recompense. My life is yours to own."

A beat, then:

"Right." Coulson leans on his knees. "You're not going to interrupt me."

Loki nods.

"So, let's start with what's wrong in those sentences, shall we?"

"There's –"

"No!" Coulson snaps. His features soften. "You promised no interruptions. Offered me wergild. I'm cashing in on some of it."

Loki forces himself to nod again.

"Good." Coulson settles himself more comfortingly on the couch. "Now, let's get the elephant out in the open. You. Were. Controlled. And before, tortured for a year. Men – anyone – will break after long enough. Do anything to stop the horrors."

"So, then I am an accessory to murder."

Coulson glares at him. "Granted. Now, kindly shut up. I'm not finished. So, you're an accessory to murder. But I think you paid your due for them already. You wouldn't even eat or drink, because you were afraid to displease us! That's more than enough payment. Something we wouldn't even do to our worst criminals. To ask more of you wouldn't just be petty, it'd be vindictive and cruel."

Loki opens his mouth, shuts it with a glare, and waits.

Coulson sighs. "Go on, it's killing you."

"So…I am to be acquitted of everything then?" Loki let loose an ugly smile. "You're very generous, speaking for all your world. I imagine there are some who say otherwise."

"There are. But they haven't seen you at your worst, or had continuous reports from the Black Widow."

"And nothing gets by her."

"Rarely." Coulson's brow furrowed. "Look, Loki, you're looking for an easy out. Some way to redeem yourself in your own mind. I've seen it before, dealt with it before. It's hard, I get it. Eats you up inside, when you're not screaming and waiting for Thanos to pop out of your closet."

"You think –"

"I know. I told you, I've rode this train, years ago. I'm saying there are ways, but it's not going to be overnight. And you're going to have to accept that some people are just going to up and forgive you. That some are going to want to protect you."

"Fools."

Coulson shrugs. "Call it what you will."

"So," Loki swallows. "You refuse my wergild."

"I'm…putting it on hold. You're in no fit condition to do anything. Let's talk again in a year."

It keeps a bud of hope flickering in Loki's chest.

0/0/0/0/0

Coulson is right, of course.

He's in no condition to aid anyone.

Even now, he can feel the ache of invisible fingers clawing their way up his brain, inch by inch. He takes a shallow breath in and moves his pawn to capture a knight.

"You are preoccupied this evening," Thor says, as he swiftly moves his queen to 'check' Loki's king.

Loki blinks. "It seems I am."

"Is it another attack?"

"A feeling, nothing more."

Thor narrows his blue eyes. "Must you always hide behind that shell?"

Loki sighs, leaning his head back against his chair. "No."

"Do you think I will run, brother, if you rely on me too much? Have I damaged our ties so thoroughly?"

Loki studies his interlaced fingers. They twitch as the frenzied panic stabs at his core, his body sure punishment will come soon. "Not so damaged."

They sit like this for many minutes – two brothers ruminating on a past filled with hurt, and laughter, and growing distance. Loki chuckles.

"What a sad pair we make."

"Aye," Thor smiles sadly. "But I would rather share this moment with you, than any adventure."

"No dragons to slay?"

"You could always bring forth your helmet, and I could put it to rest at last."

Loki glares. "And yours?"

"It is a symbol."

"Oh yes, feathers do so show the people your might and honor."

"And your cow?"

"I thought it was a dragon," Loki gives a tiny smirk.

"Thus, I should vanquish it, once and for all. Come, let us smite the ugly beast together."

"Jarvis," Loki says, without taking his eyes from Thor.

"Yes sir?"

"Would you kindly cut the video while I smother my brother?"

"Of course, sir."

Thor gapes up at the general direction of Jarvis' feed.

Loki grins sharply. "He likes me best."

"You always did have the best allies."

"Perhaps." Loki gives a genuine smile this time. "I did have you."

"Forever, brother."

Loki tips his king over. "You win again."

"You're giving up?"

"Against such persistence, yes."

"Luck."

"Practice." Loki stands and stretches. "But now it is time for us to retire."

"So, you are having an attack."

Loki scowls. "There was once a time that I was the wiser of us."

Thor slides out of his own chair and crosses over until they are side by side. "Will you not let me stay to aid you? Perhaps, together, we can fight it back."

"Postpone it, you mean."

"Brother, please! Enough of this melancholy." Thor reaches slowly and gently grabs the back of his neck. He pulls Loki to him so that their foreheads touch. "Let me protect you."

"So persistent."

"For my brother's safety? Always, and forever."

"It might be a bad one," Loki warns. "I cannot tell for certain, this early, but…"

"Then all the more reason for me to be here. I would not have you suffer this alone."

'As you did before' is left unsaid, though both of them acknowledge it.

Thor tightens his grip. "Loki…"

"Oh, all right, you brute. Stay if you wish." It comes out harsher than Loki wants. He sucks in a breath as a black cloud descends upon his mind. He struggles against its seductive powers. "Tell...tell me a story."

Thor settles them both on Loki's couch, knees just touching. "There was once a young trickster."

"Really, Thor –"

"He lived in a golden city," Thor presses on, "and was said to even walk the stars. Though the nobles grew jealous of his influence over the heir t the kingdom, yet the common people loved him."

"Fools."

"Wisdom." Thor clasps Loki's wrist as another attack twitches through him. "They saw the honor in the young man. The way he would make sure the future king would not forget his people. They saw hope."

"Thor."

"Hush, I'm telling a story. Now, it happened that one day the heir determined to prove himself by going out to kill a bilgesnipe. Of course, the Trickster came along, for he feared the heir might be reckless."

"Not reckless, young."

"It tis the same."

"Only to some."

"It was only thanks to the Tricksters magics that the heir and his companions escaped with their lives that day. It was the first time the heir had ever seen the true extent of that power. It frightened him."

"But you saw me do magic before."

"Only parlor tricks; changed hair, snakes."

"Do I truly frighten you?" Loki's heart sank.

"No. And even then, it was not really fear, but jealousy. You see, the heir thought that, with such magic, the Trickster would win the people to his side. That the people might begin to think him a better king, than what they had been promised. It was mere folly. A petty feeling of a spoiled child."

"You…you were jealous of me?"

"Yes."

"Are…are you still?"

"No. Humbled."

"…"

"You have such limitless power at your fingertips, Loki. You could rip Asgard asunder, rule the worlds, but yet you choose to stay at my side."

"I don't think you appreciate just how much paperwork would come from ruling the galaxies."

"I'm lucky to still have you, brother."

"You've become maudlin in your old age."

Thor squeezes his wrist. "Appreciative of the gifts so freely given me."

I'm sorry it's so short, but I wanted to give you all something for Christmas. Hope it's enough for you t forgive me on the long wait.