The Truth Can Be Killer:

"Preliminary notes on firearm discharge incident. Assailant armed with sound-suppressor equipped Walther P88... Having heard the perpetrator's threat and countdown, I made visual confirmation of the barrel of the weapon pressed to the potential victim's head. Determining the danger to be imminent, I felt no other choice but to respond with the use of deadly force." My father lied into the voice recorder on his phone in a calm voice and I could only pick up a slight tremor in his heartrate when he said the word 'I'.

I bit my lower lip in between my teeth as I curled my legs up to my chest where I was sitting on the couch in my father's office. I watched silently as he removed the remaining rounds from the clip of his back up gun before placing them and the gun into plastic evidence bags.

"Thanks for waiting. I know it's late." He said to me softly with a sigh as he took a seat next to me on the couch and I forced a small smile as I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly.

"It's okay. It's not like I'm going to be going to school tomorrow anyway." I told him in a quiet voice as I hugged my legs tighter to my chest. I didn't mention to the fact that I was scared to go to sleep because I didn't want to experience nightmares.

"Unfortunately, I'm going to have to drive back to San Francisco tonight. I'll need to do a review at the field office. But I'll be back as soon as I can. I might have to miss the first game of the season."

"It's no big deal. Scott won't mind."

"It is to me. I'm keeping my promises this time." He informed me firmly as he placed a hand on my cheek and I nodded slightly with a small smile that didn't reach my eyes.

Dad sighed heavily as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and drew me into an embrace so that my head rested on his chest. "What you did, it was necessary. Justifiable. You know that, right?"

I was silently for a moment as I closed my eyes tightly and I focused on the rhythmic thumping of his heart to keep my grounded in reality. I didn't want to get lost in my own thoughts because it truly terrified me to know what I would find. I took a deep breath as I opened my eyes and I looked up at my father for a vulnerable expression. "Have you done it before?"

"Two other times. It's not easy, taking a man's life, even someone who forces you to do it."

"How do you deal with it?"

"You look at it logically. Without emotion. You compartmentalize." He told me resolutely with a nod of his head and I hummed in acknowledgement because I could remember Chris telling me something similar after Allison died.

"How do you do that?" I asked him in a whisper as I gazed off to the side of the office with a helpless frown and he soothed down my hair lovingly as though he had sensed my shifted in mood.

"I used to do it by drinking." Dad told me in a light-hearted tone, like he was trying to make a joke but I knew that what he said was the truth and I chuckled slightly as I leaned my head back on his chest.

I couldn't remember the last time I sat with my father in silence. At least not comfortably. All of our interactions since the divorce had been tinged in awkwardness because he didn't know that I knew the truth as to why he had left. But now, everything was out in the open and there was no secrets between us. Except for the one that we now shared. Secrets held power, and that power diminishes when they are shared. The secret we shared would connect us for the rest of our lives.

"Listen, Soph, if I'm going to tell my superior that I was the one that discharged my weapon, you and Stiles can't tell anyone the truth. Alright? No one. Not your friends, not your mother, not Scott. Only you, me, Stiles and Stilinski know the truth." Dad warned me firmly as he ducked his head to look into my eyes sternly and I swallowed roughly with tears in my eyes as I nodded my head in understanding.

Before Scott came a werewolf, I used to keep things from him all the time. It didn't even cross my mind to tell him anything. But now? Now we were closer, now we were partners leading a pack and it physically made me feel nauseous just thinking about keeping a secret from Scott. But I knew that it was necessary. I knew it was the best for everyone involved.

A seasoned FBI agent shooting an armed assassin was much easier to explain than his seventeen older daughter doing the shooting. I knew that was for the best because I wasn't supposed to have his service weapon, so he would get reprimanded. And having this on my record would make it hard to get into a good college. Or get a decent job after college.

There was an undeniable darkness inside of my chest. I could feel it pulsating whenever I took a breath. It was there, eating away at me and I couldn't do anything to cleanse my soul now that it had been marred. But I would keep my derailing thoughts to myself, because I'd rather the pain destroy me, than everyone I cared about and everyone that cared about me.

I knew what I needed to do: plaster a smile on my lips and pretend that everything was okay.

I removed myself from my father's embrace with a tired sigh and stood up from the couch as I stretched my arms above my head. I groaned a little as I extended my arms and then let them drop to my sides as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I offered my dad a small genuine smile as I picked up my handbag from the floor and he stood up from the couch as I headed towards the door.

"One more thing." Dad started to say as I turned around to face him with my hand on the door handle and I quirked an eyebrow at him questioningly as he sighed heavily before looking at me pointedly. "When I do come back, we have to talk about some stuff. You and Scott and your friends, the way you guys handle things, it doesn't seem to faze you like it should. It's like you guys know something I don't. When I come back, I'd like to be in the know."

I studied his expression, taking note of the vulnerability, confusion and determination before I nodded once with a tight smile, carefully not answering one way or the other.

Somewhere between getting out of my car and walking up to the front Derek's building, I got drenched from the rainstorm that randomly hit Beacon Hills. Tendrils of brunette hair were sticking to my face as I shivered from the water soaking my clothes from head to toe and I could hear the rain pelting down outside.

I wrapped one arm around my stomach as I knocked on the metal door with my free hand and I bounced restlessly on my toes while I waited for Derek to answer. It only took a minute before the door was sliding open and Derek appeared on the other side with a confused frown on his lips.

"Sophie? What's going on? It really freaks me out when you do something conventional. Like knock." Derek said in greeting as he held the door open for me to pass through and I forced a small smile as I walked into the loft. I released a breath as I looked around the familiar loft, taking comfort in the private safe haven that it had become for me.

"Sorry it's so late. I don't know why I came here." I murmured quietly as I stared out the large windowed wall at the back of the loft, watching the raindrops run down the glass as though the stars in the darkened night sky were crying.

"You're always welcome here. You know that." He responded instantly as he slid the door closed and walked down the steps onto the main floor as he approached me slowly. "Sophie, what's going on?"

"Something happened." I answered vaguely in a monotone voice as he gently placed a hand on my arm from behind and I glanced down at his hand with a sad smile on my lips. "It was bad, Derek."

"Hey, hey. Come here." he urged me gently as he carefully turned my around to face him and he wrapped his arms around me tightly as I buried my face into his chest. I sniffled discreetly as a few alone tears ran down my cheek and I pulled back from the embrace when I realised that I was still dripping wet from the rain. I rubbed my palm over my cheek to wipe away the tears and I tried to offer him a smile but it faltered almost immediately.

"I'm going to get you some dry clothes." He told me softly as he trailed his hand down my arm, leaving a path of fire in its wake and I nodded mutely as the corners of my lips turned upwards. He pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead as I closed my eyes, savouring the feel of his lips on my skin in case this was the last time.

I watched him wander over to the chest of drawers to the side of the room near the bed and he pulled a blue long sleeved shirt out. I slipped my wet shirt over my head so that I was only in my purple lace bra before he took my shirt as I accepted the dry attire from him. The shirt ended midway down my thigh as I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my leggings as I felt Derek's gaze on my every movement.

"Thank you." I murmured gratefully as I took my wet clothes off of him with a smile and he returned the smile as he took my clothes back without a word. I frowned in confusion as I watched him throw my clothes into his laundry hamper and then he walked back over to where I was standing.

"Sophie, why don't you tell me what's going on?" Derek suggested pointedly with a raised eyebrow and my smile immediately fell as I turned around from him. I ran a hand through my tangled hair as my thoughts drifted to the events of the day and I exhaled lowly as tears flooded my eyes but I kept them at bay.

'I can't tell him. I promised dad. I can't tell him. He'll never look at me the same. I can't tell him', I thought to myself desperately I paced away from, hoping the space would help me think better.

"Sophie, when have you ever had trouble getting words out?" Derek asked in a mixture of amusement and concern as he strolled over to sit on the couch to the side of the room. I made a face of agreement but didn't stop pacing in front of him as I chewed on my thumb nail nervously.

"I need you to promise me something." I said abruptly as I turned to look at him with a pleading expression and his forehead furrowed in confusion but he nodded immediately in agreement. I sucked my lower lip in between my teeth as I wrapped my arms over my stomach and I looked away from his handsome face before turning back to him with tears in my tears. "Please don't stop looking at me like you are right now?"

"I don't think anything could stop me from looking at you like you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He told me seriously with an earnest expression on his face and I almost groaned out loud as tears filled my eyes because that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me.

"Oh, my god. You're making this even harder." I mumbled under my breath as I turned away from him and covered my mouth with my hand as I shook my head slightly. I closed my eyes as I exhaled slowly to clear my mind and I licked my lip unsurely as I avoided his questioning gaze.

I knew that if I wanted a real relationship with Derek, then I needed to tell him the truth. If we were going to be together, he deserved to know what kind of person I was.

"You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. Please. No one. Not even Scott. Promise me?" I asked him desperately as I turned my attention to him with a beseeching expression and he frowned in confusion but nodded all the same as I relaxed slightly. "Okay. Okay, um, when I – when I got to the school, I convinced my dad to let me into the school so that I could tell them about the reishi mushrooms. He let me go but only if he came with me. When we got inside, he gave me his back up service weapon. Just in case. We separated. I heard two sets of heartbeats coming from the locker room. One oddly calm and the other dangerously fast. I went towards it, in case someone was having a heart attack, I don't know. But when I got there, I heard Stiles. Stiles and some guy talking about killing Scott and Kira and Malia, it was the guy that infected them. And then I saw it. The barrel of the gun pressed against Stiles' forehead. I heard the countdown and I don't even remember doing it. I don't remember raising my arm. I don't remember squeezing the trigger. But I can remember the sound. The 'pop' that the gun made. And the sound of the body hitting the ground, 'thud'! I remember that perfectly. It's like it's ingrained in my mind. I looked down and there was his body. Dead. I killed him! I killed him, Derek!"

Tears were streaming down my cheeks unashamedly as I wrapped my arms around my stomach in an effort to hold myself together and I couldn't bear to look at him because I didn't want to see the disgust on his face.

"Oh, my god…" I murmured to myself in realisation as I tangled my fingers in my hair and I had to stop myself from falling to my knees in despair. "I killed someone."

"Hey, hey, shh. Come here." Derek whispered quickly as he shot up from the couch and caught me around the waist before I could collapse onto the ground. I gripped his shirt tightly in my fists as he slowly lowered us both to the floor and cradled my in his arms as I sat in his lap. "Shh… I got you, baby. I got you."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I repeated over and over again in almost undecipherable sobs as I buried my chest into his chest and he tightened his arms around me in response.

We stayed in that position, me sobbing uncontrollably and Derek consoling me, for nearly half an hour until I finally quietened down to soft whimpers. I lifted my head from Derek's chest as I hastily wiped the tears off of my cheeks with the back of my hand and I avoided looking at him because I wanted to savour the old glint I used to see in his eyes when he looked at me.

"Hey, Sophie, look at me." He urged me softly as he reached out to cup my chin and gently tilted my head to meet his light green gaze reluctantly. I breathed out in relief when I saw that the glint in his eyes not had only not diminished, but it had actually intensified with my confession. "Show me your eyes."

I looked away from him with a distressed sigh leaving my lips and I closed my eyes tightly because I knew that my once violet eyes were going to be electric blue. The colour of a killer. "My eyes... they're different."

"Different, but still beautiful... Just like the rest of you." Derek murmured gently as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his voice sounding like he was recollecting a past memory. "My mother used to tell me that. After Paige."

I reluctantly turned my head towards him without making eye contact and I opened my eyes to reveal my werewolf eyes as I lifted my chin to show him. A confused frown crossed over his lips as he cradled my chin with one hand and I tilted my head to the side questioningly as he ran his thumb under my eye. "Why are you looking at me like that? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. It's just, your eyes, they're still purple."

"What? That's impossible."

"They're purple." He repeated in a firm voice as he lifted one eyebrow at me and I pursed my lips to stop from making a snappy comment as I let my eyes change back to their normal dark brown. "Blue eyes are an indication that you've taken an innocent life. The man you killed? He wasn't an innocent. He was an assassin. He killed an entire werewolf pack. He tried to kill Scott, and Malia, and Kira, and Stiles. Who knows how many others. That man? He wasn't an innocent man."

"That doesn't make it any easier." I told him quietly with a small smile on my lips because I was grateful that he was attempting to make me feel better.

"I know what it feels like, okay? You feel like something inside of you is broken beyond repair. But I'm telling you right now, you're never as broken as you think you are. And you want to know what I see when I look at you? I see the woman I love. A little bit messy. A little ruined. But strong. And courageous. And able to endure whatever the world throws at her. A beautiful disaster."

My breath caught in my throat when his words registered in my mind and my eyes widened in shock as I stared at him. I knew that he felt that way. I could hear his heartrate accelerate when I walked in the room, or touched him, or laughed at something he said. But hearing it out loud made it real, made it impossible to ignore.

"You love me?" I asked in a weak voice with a tears in my eyes as my lower lip trembled slightly and he gave me a look like I was being purposefully stupid as I loosened my hold on his shirt.

"You know I love you. And I know that you're not ready to say it back yet."

It was kind of beautiful how well he knew me, it was also kind of sad how well he knew me. I didn't want him to doubt my affection. I didn't want him to question whether or not I cared about him.

"I do though." I whispered in reassurance as I ran my hand up to cup his neck and it was true. I loved him, but I couldn't say the words out loud. Once I said it out loud, it became real. And once it became real, it could be destroyed.

A faint smile touched his lips as he stood up from the floor without removing me from his arms and I let out a surprised cry at the sudden movement as a genuine grin played on my lips. For a moment, being held in Derek's embrace, the darkness inside of me felt a little bit lighter.