WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

I'm trying something different. A little more X-Rated. A little more dirty.

Sensitive readers can stop at the page break.

Exquisite Form of Self-Destruction:

I groaned out loud in annoyance when there was yet another knock on my bedroom door and I gingerly climbed out of the comfortable cocoon I had set up in my bed.

I had spent the entire morning wrapped up in my blankets, losing myself in the fantasy world of my novel while soft music played in the background and fielding concerned family members who wanted to check on me. I woke up with Lydia's arm wrapped around my waist from behind, Liam and Hayden snuggled together on the floor in a makeshift bed made out of pillows and blankets, and Scott fast asleep in the armchair in the corner of my bedroom. It had taken me nearly forcing them out of the room, promising them over and over that I was completely healed and I would call immediately if I had the slightest twinge of pain.

I threw my book down on the bed as I slowly made my way towards the closed door and I plastered a small smile on my lips, expertly masking the irritation I felt at being interrupted for the thousandth time. I knew that they were only concerned for me, curious about what exactly happened down in that dungeon but I had diverted there attention every time they started to ask me an questions.

"If you ask me how I feel, I'm going to hit you, and then ask you how you feel." I warned my brother pointedly with a quirked eyebrow when I saw him standing on the threshold of my room and he smiled sheepishly at me as he shifted on his feet while I went back over to sit on the edge of my bed. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to check on you." he admitted with a shrug of his shoulders as he walked further into the room and I shot him a reprimanding glare as he chuckled apologetically. "It's been an hour since last time I asked you."

"I'm completely fine, Scott." I told him with a roll of my eyes as I tucked my leg up to my chest and rested my chin on my knee. The only reason I hadn't snapped at him to leave me alone was because I knew that he felt guilty about the kidnapping, that he felt like it was his fault for leaving us alone and I didn't want to add to the unnecessary blame already on his shoulders.

"Okay, well, I'm going to go take mom dinner and then I'm meeting up with Stiles and his dad to go over what happened at the morgue last night."

"Yeah, who is the latest suspect?"

"Um, it's, uh, it's Deputy Parrish." he answered hesitantly as he avoided eye contact with me, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and both of my eyebrows shot up in surprise but I quickly composed my expression as I thought about the facts.

"I guess that makes sense. We don't know what kind of supernatural creature he is, so this is just another symptom to add to the list. Glowing orange eyes, increased strength, affinity for fire, connected to death." I responded nonchalantly as I leaned back against my pillow, stretching my legs out in front of me and Scott seemed bewildered by my casual attitude but quickly adopted an amused smirk as he shook his head at me.

My gaze lingered on the dark circles underneath my brother's eyes, on the way his lips turned down in the corners and I tilted my head to the side scrutinisingly as I narrowed my eyes at him. "Sweetheart, everything okay?"

Scott snapped his dark brown eyes towards me in surprise, his lips parted slightly like he was about to say something but he quickly stopped himself as his expression seemed to crumble in front of me. He collapsed onto the side of the bed next to me, his head buried in his hands and I frowned in concern as I placed a concerned hand on his back while he spoke solemnly in a muffled voice, "Something's changed."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure. Something's different. With me and our friends. With all of us. Something's changed. I think it's because of me. And I don't know how to fix it."

"Scott, honey, you can't stop life from happening to us. Bad things are going to happen, and you're not to blame for that. I know you. I know you hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. But sometimes you don't realise you're actually drowning when you're trying to be everyone else's anchor. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to let us handle our own problems. You're our Alpha, not our God. You don't need to have all of the answers. We just need to know that you care enough to try." I told him honestly as I leaned my chin on his shoulder with a faint smile and he lifted his head to look at me with doubt in the depths of his dark brown eyes.

I pressed a kiss to his cheek before falling backwards against my pillows with a grin and his face lit up with a grin as he shook his head in affection at my behaviour. He released a sigh as he stood up from the edge of the bed and he leaned over to press a kiss to my forehead as he soothed my brunette hair off of my forehead. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too. Oh, hey, Scott!" I called out to him when he was about to exit my room and he paused in the doorway as he turned around to face me with an inquiring expression. "I think I know where Jordan's taking the bodies. The Nemeton."

Scott gave me one more grateful smile before closing the door behind him when he left and I finally allowed my face to relax into a blank expression, mimicking the feeling inside of me. The physical pain had faded into a manageable dull ache and my frayed raw emotions had been deadened until I was completely numb to everything. I built up a metaphoric wall inside of my mind, blocking out the feeling associated with the memories until they could play out in my mind like a movie on a screen. It wasn't the healthiest option but it was the one that allowed me to plaster a smile on my lips and act out the part of invincible badass, a role I worked hard to earn.

My first instinct was to call Lydia to come over and keep me company, but I couldn't put this burden on her shoulders, not when she had her own demons to face. My next thought, however fleeting, was to call Derek because I knew that he would understand, what I went through, why I wasn't talking to anyone else, he would understand completely. But I couldn't call him, not when there was so much between us unsaid and I hated that, I hated that I couldn't call my best friend when I needed him.

Tears of frustration burned in my eyes as I jumped up from my bed and ran my hands through my brunette hair as I paced the length of my room. I growled in annoyance at myself as I grabbed my cell phone from my bedside table and dialled a familiar number from memory, shifting nervously as it rang in my ear while the call connected.

"You've reached the voicemail of – Derek Hale. Please leave a message at the beep." A robotic voice declared, followed closely by a loud 'beep' and I gaped in outrage over the fact that he sent my call to voicemail but then I shook off my anger when I concluded that he must be busy.

"Hi, it's me. I know we haven't talked in a while. I'm not sure what the rules are here. Can we call each other? Is that weird? The reason I haven't taken the initiative is because I thought it would be too hard to hear your voice. Which is ironic in the most horrible way, because hearing your voice is the reason I called you. Something bad happened – I'm fine! So, don't freak out! – But it was just, I really needed to hear your voice." I admitted softly as I collapsed onto my bed with a sigh and I looked around my empty room with tears burning my eyes.

"But you're not here. And you're not answering the phone. And it's really pissing me off!" I snapped angrily as I glared at nothing in front of me, rage flooding through my veins and I pursed my lips in annoyance as I shook my head to myself with an irrational anger. "I understand why we broke up, I do. But we never did this. We never argued, we never got all of the animosity out of the way, so I'm going to do that now. Because you can't do anything to stop me. What the hell is wrong with you, Derek Hale? You were the one who practically begged me to date you. You were the one who convinced me to fall in love with you. You spent all this time trying to get me to open up to you and when I started dating you, when I fell in love with you, when I opened up to you, you utterly and completely betrayed me. You pulled the rug out from under me! And a part of me, a part of me hates you for it. I hope you know that. What happened, it hurt me. You hurt me."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I tried to suppress the sobs that threatened to escape me and I cleared my throat as the anger suddenly evaporated from my body, leaving only heartache and acceptance. "But what's worse than that, I can't honestly hate you because I love you. I love you so much, and I'm always going to love you. I remember how we were together. I remember how much I needed you. It's was like you were oxygen and I was dying to breathe."

"Just so you know, I'm trying to move on from you. It's difficult but I'm getting there. I'm sorry for calling and unloading on you, but I think I needed it. It was pretty cathartic actually." I told him with a laugh as I ran my fingers through my hair with a small smile on my lips and I leaned back against my pillow with a sigh as I bit down on my lower lip. "I miss you, Derek. Before we got together, we were best friends and I miss that, I miss being able to call you whenever I want, to talk to you whenever I want. I think we can start adjusting back into some kind of friendship. Emails, text messages, the occasional phone call. Maybe we'll work our way up to lunch."

I wiped the tears off my cheek with the back of my hand as I tried to keep my voice from cracking and I gazed up at the roof of my bedroom as I folded my hands over my stomach. "Um, this is kinda awkward. I don't know what to say before I hang up. I guess, goodbye? I don't know. Uh, talk to you later? Oh, my god. I'm just going to hang up. Okay."

I quickly hung up the phone call with an embarrassed cringe as I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped the phone onto my stomach carelessly as I covered my face with both of my hands. I let out a muffled scream of frustration as I internally cursed my own stupidity and inability to communicate like a normal human being.

Never in my life had I felt the need to bury my head in shame over something that I had inadvertently said, no one could ever say that I lacked confidence in myself and I hated that Derek had the ability even when he wasn't anywhere in the vicinity.

I dropped my arms to my side as I pouted up at the ceiling and in the silence, memories of the past few days flooded through my mind. The clicking of static associated with the Dread Doctors, the sound of heavy metal boots on concrete, the whirring of an electric drill right next to my ear, Liam's hoarse voice as he screamed at them to stop, Zach's tearful voice begging for us to help him.

I pressed my nails into my palms, a startling reminder that I wasn't being held captive, I was safe, and I was okay. I pulled my knees up to my chest as I sat upright in the middle of my bed and I felt tears burning the back of my eyes as I buried my face in the material of my pyjama pants.

I took a deep breath, pushing back all of the raw emotion that was so close to the surface and allowed the numbness to spread through me until I hardly felt anything at all. Detachment wasn't the best coping mechanism but there was a process and not breaking down was the first step on the road towards recovery.

A knock sudden came from my bedroom window, causing me to snap my head around in surprise and I frowned slightly at the sight of Theo on the other side of the glass. I hurried over to the closed window as I soothed my unruly brunette hair out of my face, strangely concerned about appearance and he offered me an amused smirk as I slid the window open before stepping out of the way.

Theo climbed inside with an expert ease as I crossed my arms over my chest and watched him with a small frown as he surveyed my bedroom in interest. A gust of wind reminded me of the open window, causing me to turned around and close it as he made his way towards my bookshelf, his gaze tracing over the faces in the photographs discreetly.

"Are you here to get your jacket back?" I asked him teasingly with a hint of wariness as I crossed my arms back over my chest almost defensively and he glanced towards where his leather jacket was hanging over the back of my desk chair as his lips twitched into a small smile.

"No, no, I just wanted to see how you were." Theo admitted confidently as he turned around to face me with a faint smirk on his lips, his hands stuffed in his pants pockets as he regarded me thoughtfully.

Irritation flooded through my veins as I shook my head with a scoff escaping me and he raised an eyebrow in silent question as I shifted uncomfortably on my feet, "I'm really sick of people asking me that. I'm thinking of getting the answer tattooed on my forehead."

"Let me guess, you're fine?" he questioned in amusement as he took a step closer to where I was standing and I shrugged indifferently in a nonchalant manner with a quirked eyebrow but he shook his head in rejection of my answer. "Why don't I believe you?"

"I don't know, but I must say, it's not your most attractive quality." I remarked idly with a dismissive wave of my hand as I strolled over to sit on the edge of my bed and his smirk widened slightly as he followed my movements with his intense hazel eyes.

"You think I'm attractive?" he asked me in a smug tone of voice as his lips twitched in amusement and I levelled him with a deadpan glare with a raised eyebrow, silently asking him if he was serious given our make out session in the gym the other day. He chuckled lowly as he ducked his head in an attempt to hide his grin and I rolled my eyes at him as I folded my legs underneath myself with a slight smile on my lips. "I suppose that's a stupid question given the way you've been flirting with me."

"I'm not flirting. I'm just being extra nice to someone who's extra attractive."

"A perfectly acceptable reasoning."

"I'm full of cute little sayings and life lessons." I told him in a faux-smug tone of voice as I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly and he chuckled in amusement as he moved to sit down on the edge of the bed next to me, his thigh brushing against my knee.

Amusement faded from his expression as he studied my face intently and I felt the urge to fidget under his probing gaze but forced myself to appear unconcerned. It seemed like he was seeing through me, his stare burning through my skin all the way into my soul and I couldn't help shifting nervously as I met his eyes unflinchingly.

The corner of his lips twitched into a smirk as he leaned towards him slightly, his hazel eyes never leaving mine and I swallowed roughly as I felt his warm breath on my skin when he spoke in a husky whisper, "You know, I truly respect people who stay strong even when they have every right to breakdown. But sometimes, the girl that's always there for everyone else, needs someone to be there for her."

Something in his voice, or maybe it was his words, struck a chord with me and suddenly all of the pain from my injuries, all of the fear from the kidnapping, all the heartache and anger from my voicemail to Derek, all of the uncertainty from the conversation with Scott, came flooding into my mind. My eyes stung with unshed tears but I suppressed them expertly and forced a small smile onto my lips as I remembered what the old Sophie would do in a situation like the one I found myself in.

There was a fleeting moment of doubt that passed through my mind but it was only a short-lived thought and I buried any other lingering reservations under the mountain of regrets I already carried with me on a daily basis. Theo was a bad idea, but I had lived enough to know that sometimes bad ideas became the best memories and I needed something frivolous and stupid, something mindless and pleasurable.

"You know what I need?" I asked him in a low seductive voice as I leaned towards him so that our lips nearly brushed and he looked surprised by the turn of events for a moment before he grinned roguishly. A smirk played on my lips as I reached up to gently start lowering his jacket from his shoulders and he chuckled lowly in the back of his throat as he moved his arms so that it was easier to remove. "I need to feel good, I need to feelpleasure."

Theo leaned in to capture my lips in a scorching kiss, one of his hands cupping the side of my neck in order to guide my head and the other resting on my hip as I threaded my fingers through his hair. He slowly started guiding me backwards until my back it the bed and he positioned himself over me so his weight wasn't squashing me. I moaned out loud in pleasure, my head thrown back against my pillow with my eyes closed as he released my lips and started a series of opened mouth kisses on the underside of my jaw. The feeling of his blunt teeth scraping against my sensitive skin sent a shiver through my body and my stomach tightened familiarly as he continued with his ministrations down the column of my throat.

My back arched off of the bed as his hand slipped under my shirt, his touch leaving a scorching trail in its wake and I bit down on my lower lip to stop myself from moaning loudly out of pure habit. Theo gently tugged the material of my shirt up, silently demanding that it be removed and I sat up so that he could slip it off over my head. His heated gaze burned into me as his eyes skimmed over my bare abdomen and my lips curved into a wicked grin as I tugged the material of his shirt up over his head, throwing it somewhere blindly. My fingernails grazed over his abdominal muscles teasingly, slowly making its way down his torso until the top of his jeans and he grabbed my wrist to stop me from undoing the belt buckle.

"Uh-uh." He reprimanded in a husky whisper when I went to protest in confusion and he grabbed both of my wrists with one hand, pinning them above my head with a devilish smirk on his lips. I gasped out loud in surprise when his mouth descended on one of my breast, his teeth grazing the nipple teasingly and he used his free hand to cup the side of my throat as his thumb ran over my pulse point. My back arched off of the bed in an effort to feel more of him as he sucked roughly and I moaned loudly as I writhed underneath him, the familiar stirring in my stomach increasing.

I felt his chuckle vibrate through me as he shifted his attention to the other breast, giving it the same treatment and he changed his position so that his thigh was situated in between my legs. The heavy pressure against my core caused me to wrap my legs around his hips so that I was pressed closer and the hand that was on my throat found its way to the underside of my knee, hoisting it up higher around his waist.

A shiver of displeasure coursed through me when Theo's lips left my breast, leaving me cold and wanting more before he started a trail of heated kisses that led into the valley between my breasts. He sucked harshly on the skin above my sternum, leaving bruises in his wake but I was too delirious with pleasure to care and some part of me knew that it would heal nearly instantly anyway.

I whimpered with need as his tongue dipped teasingly into my navel and the pressure in my stomach increased as I shifted restlessly, enjoying the friction that his thigh in between my legs caused. "Theo, please."

His chuckle vibrated through me as he nipped at my stomach, his fingers slipping under the elastic of my pyjama pants and I lifted my hips off the bed so that he could pull them down my legs. I chuckled breathlessly as I watched him fling the pyjamas somewhere over his shoulder and he grinned wickedly at me as his hazel eyes smouldered with desire, causing my heartrate to rise in anticipation.

I nearly blushed at the way his gaze raked over my exposed body, his stare taking in every inch of me hungrily but I was confident enough with myself that I felt more flattered than self-conscious.

There was a seductive darkness in his aura, an intensity in his sharp gaze that drew me in and my breath caught in my throat as he slowly lifted my leg up to his mouth without breaking eye contact. My lips parted in pleasure as he started creating a path of heated kisses down my calf and all the way to my inner thigh, leaving me skin cold in the wake of his tongue. He roughly bit down on the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh and I gasped out in a mixture of pleasure and pain as my eyes fluttered closed. One of his hands reached up to massage my exposed breast, his thumb flicking over my hardened nipple and I writhed restless underneath his touch as the pressure in my stomach increased to an uncomfortable level.

"Ah, hurry up!" I snapped impatiently in frustration as he pressed a lingering kiss to the drenched front of my panties and his chuckle vibrated through my body as I felt my stomach clench desperately with need. "If you don't hurry up, I'm going to finish myself."

"Now, that would be a sight." He murmured huskily in a low voice as he slipped his fingers under the material of my panties and I whimpered pathetically as he agonisingly grazed his forefinger against my core. I felt his hardened length through his jeans as he moved slightly, kissing and nibbling up the length of my body, making sure to suck on each of my nipples on his way to my throat. I could feel the heat rising inside of me as I arched my back, desperate for him to do something more and I knew he was enjoying my struggle as he tortured me. I gasped out loud as he suddenly inserted two fingers inside of me, the intrusion taking me by pleasant surprise and he moved his fingers in a 'come hither' gesture as he captured my lips in a heated kiss.

I reached behind my head to grab my pillow tightly as I felt the orgasm building inside of me and Theo continued his exploration with his fingers, spreading and curling in a taunting rhythmic dance until I was right on the edge. My entire body was tingling as he bit down on my pulse point, swirling his tongue over the damaged skin and the mixture of pain and pleasure sent me over the edge as I cried out wordlessly. My back arched off the mattress, my eyes closed in ecstasy as sweat coated my skin and my mind became completely blank of everything except the intense pleasure I was experiencing.

My breath was coming out in short pants as my muscles quivered, weakened from the episode and my eyelids fluttered open once I had come down from my natural high. Theo pressed his lips against mine roughly as our tongues fought for dominance neither one of us were willing it give and His teeth bit down harshly on my lower lip until he drew blood, the metallic taste adding to the desire between us. He roughly grabbed my chin with one hand as he possessively settled the other on my hip and every fibre of my bring was burning with desire, and even if I wanted to stop, I didn't think my body would allow me to as it basically melted against him, complying with his demands instinctively.

My arms wrapped around his shoulders as I allowed him to take charge and my fingernails dug into his shoulder blades as he hissed in pain against my mouth before he pulled back from the bruising kiss to place a series of harsh nips down the column of my throat. I moaned out loud in a mixture of pleasure and pain as he broke the skin with his teeth, throwing my head back against the pillow behind me as his hands roamed provocatively over my body.

I blindly fumbled for his belt buckle as I rocked my hips against him eagerly and he groaned against my skin as I palmed his hardened member through his jeans. I quickly unzipped his pants, using my feet in an effort to pull them down and he stood up from the bed so that he could remove them easier.

Goosebumps erupted over my skin at the absence of his warmth but he was positioning himself on top of me before I could form a conscious thought and I gave myself over to temptation as he immediately lowered his lips down to top of my soaking wet panties. I gasped out a startled laugh when he used his teeth to tear the material off of my body and he paused momentarily to take in the sight of me bare in front of him before he lowered his mouth to my sensitive folds.

The rest of the afternoon was a mess of laughter, groans, whimpers and pleas for more. The excitement and gratification of my indulgence worked the way it was supposed to, blocking my mind from any rational thought or serious conversation.

It was true that sometimes it was good to be bad as it was a rush of endorphins and I wasn't going to let anyone judge me for doing what I wanted, not when everyone was always telling me to be myself. It was a release of all of the things that were held inside of me and I was wound up so tightly that I was afraid I would snap at the most inconvenient time possible.