Replies to Guests :)
Alex, That sounds awesome! Just as long as you make it clear I'm the author. Were you thinking about posting it on Fanfiction or a different site? If you have an account on here send me a PM.
PerpetuallyTired, That entire letter was because Princess Lucy popped into my head. So far one of my personal favorite letters.
This chap goes to Death Wand.
0o0o0
After the debacle of bribing Dobby with lots of socks to dispose of the "cookies" Harry decided it was time to bring out the big guns. That one pair of socks cost him ten Galleons!
'Dear Tommykins,
I've been thinking and you should really join my side. Together we could be great. And… Drumroll...
We don't have paperwork!
Love, Harry xoxo
PS. HOLYSNITCHERDOODLES!
Those cookies certainly had a kick to them.
Such a shame you couldn't make it to the picnic. Your cookies were an absolute hit. Ron had so much he threw up!'
Voldemort considers the letter in front of him for a moment. Ignoring the frankly disturbing post script. Clearly the fumes have increased the boys delusions. But the question is whether the rest of his letter is a product of that. Ever since disposing of Lucius his paperwork has increased tenfold. There's no way the boy actually found a way around it.
Did he?
'Dear Harry,
I regret to inform you that I cannot join your side. My followers depend on me to continue the cause. We've come too far to quit now.
However, as one friend to another, could you possibly share your secret to paperwork?
With lessening loathing,
Voldemort'
Harry rolled around on the ground cackling his head off till he was blue in the face. When the Weasley twins picked up his fallen letter they soon joined him. The rest of the great hall collectively feared for their lives and sanity.
Dumbledore considered whether or not he could find a new weapon. Maybe the prophecy really was about Neville Longbottom?
'Dear Tommy,
I lied. There is no avoiding paperwork.
Did you really think I wouldn't get you back for lying to me?
We're even now.
With disappointment, Harry'
Voldemort sends the next batch of cookies in a flimsy box that is dropped on Harry's head. The burst everywhere, and he smelled for days. Luckily this was not a deadly batch.
The letter only had one word written on it in harsh jagged letters. Nothing like Voldemort's usual elegant scrawl.
'SUFFER'
0o0o0
BONUS:
Scrapped Letter by Harry
'Dear Tommy,
I have come to realize that everyone got it wrong. The Dark doesn't make the best cookies, they make the worst.
At first I wasn't sure what to do because those things are clearly toxic and should be dealt with in a haz-mat suit. None of the teachers except for Snape seemed to understand this though. What kind of alternate reality have I entered where Snape is the only one who agrees with me!
Dumbledore was just going to vanish them to some random location as long as it wasn't here!
So I enlisted the help of Dobby. It took many pairs of cool socks but finally he agreed to dispose of them in a safe manner. Snape even gave him some tips!
I should have realized the truth sooner. I am in awe of you and yours evilness in the cookie arts.'
Once Harry had that out of his system, he started on the real letter. 'Dear Tommykins...
AN: R&R your thoughts and prompts are always welcome.