Status Asthmaticus Part One:
Silence immediately fell over the examination room the moment the word left Scott's lips, an almost deafening quiet that wrapped around me like a python trying to suffocate the life out of me. Tears stung the backs of my eyes as my arms subconsciously tightened around Hayden's lithe body and I kept my gaze locked on my brother, my Alpha, silently pleading for this to be a hallucination caused by an emotional breakdown.
"What do you mean, 'No'?" Liam demanded in a low voice as he took a threatening step forward, his eyes narrowed suspiciously like he couldn't believe the word that he had heard coming out of my Scott's mouth.
"Liam, look at her. She's too weak. It will kill her. We don't even know what the mercury's doing to her. We don't even know if it is actually mercury. This can't be the only way to save her life." Scott defended himself in a firm voice as he meet the Beta's glare evenly, an apologetic glint in his eyes and I gritted my teeth angrily as I tore my gaze away from him, unable to look at him without seething.
"It saved mine."
"You know, that was different. You were hanging off a ledge."
"You promised." Liam reminded him in a saddened whisper as he risked a glance in our direction and I tried to offer him a strained smile but I knew it came off more like a grimace as he turned his attention back to my brother pleadingly. "You said you'd do everything you could."
"Which is why I'm not going to do something I think is going to kill her. There has to be...There has to..." Scott trailed off weakly with a wheeze in his voice, reminding me of a time back before he was a werewolf when he suffered from severe asthma attacks and I looked over at him in concern as he began gasping for air while struggling for a breath.
A slight twinge of guilt shot through me because I didn't know he was still experiencing them, I thought the one a week ago was a symptom of the memory resurfacing and it pained me that I hadn't noticed my brother going through something so traumatic.
"Scott." Theo called out sharply to gain the Alpha's attention, waiting a moment for Scott to lift his head and then throwing an inhaler the length of the exam room. Guilt crept into me when I realised that Theo had obviously been carrying around the inhaler in case of a situation exactly like this one and then hurt started to overlap the guilt when I realised that Theo had obviously knew about the attacks if he had an inhaler on standby.
I looked away from my brother as he used the device to take a breath, wheezing slightly when he inhaled deeply and I grazed the back of my fingers down Hayden's cheek as I carefully watched the rise and fall of her chest.
"There's another way to save her." Scott muttered under his breath, panting slightly from the effort but I ignored the uncomfortable clenching sensation in my chest as I avoided looking in his direction. I focused on Hayden's uneven heartbeat in an effort to distract myself, to remind myself of what was important and I counted each faint patter of her heart like I wanted to memorise the sound in case it was her last.
I snapped my head around defensively when I felt someone crouch down next to me, the sudden warmth of their presence and I found Theo regarding both of us in concern with his eyebrows furrowed together. He ran the back of his fingers down next arm momentarily before reaching over to check Hayden's pulse at her throat and a frown formed on his lips as he bowed his head solemnly. Tears stung the back of my eyes as someone else came to the same conclusion and Theo slowly looked up at me with sympathy in his hazel eyes as he pulled his hand back.
"Guys, I don't know what the statistics are for surviving a werewolf bite, but she's definitely not surviving this. We need to do something." Theo called over his shoulder without taking his eyes off of mine and I swallowed harshly as I turned my gaze back down to look at the girl in my arms with a few tears falling from the corner of my eye.
Normally I was an expert at hiding how I was really feeling but watching Hayden flinch with every movement, I couldn't pretend I was okay anymore. It was difficult to see someone I cared about in so much pain, not knowing what to do to make her feel better, to ease her agony into something tolerable.
I dragged my thumb gently down the side of her face, trying to sooth the creases of pain in her features and I frowned slightly when I caught sight of a silvery substance on my skin. The mercury glimmered slightly when the florescent light overhead caught it at the right angle and held up my thumb for a better look as my mind went into overdrive, speeding up and slowing down at the same time until my thoughts were just fragments.
"Oh. Oh. Oh!" I exclaimed excitedly when a theory formed in my mind as my eyes widened in surprise and I barely noticed everyone staring at me in confusion as I carefully stood up with Hayden in my arms. Theo quickly slipped his arms under her body, taking the weight off of me as he cradled her against his chest and I smiled gratefully as I led him over to the metal examination table in the middle of the room.
"What – what are you doing?" Liam asked frantically as he rushed over to the side of the table when Theo carefully placed her down and I ignored him for a moment as I searched for my cell phone.
"Sophie!" Scott snapped impatiently as I continued looking for my phone and I bit my tongue to stop myself from sending a barbed retort back at him. I exclaimed in satisfaction when I located my phone as I immediately pulled up my mom's contact information and sent her a text message bring certain chemicals and medicines from the hospital urgently.
"I have an idea. It's a long shot, but I'm taking every shot we can." I told them in a short tone of voice, lifting me head to look pointedly at my brother and he clenched his jaw as he looked away to avoid my accusing glare. "Theo, in the office, there's an emergency medical kit. Grab it for me."
Theo didn't hesitate as he ran into the office without a word and I tore the sleeve of Hayden's shirt off so that her arm was visible. A moment later Theo was standing next to me with a black duffel bag in his hands and I offered him a grateful look as I took it from him, setting it down on the counter to the side of the room. I pulled out an intravenous needle and a saline solution before heading back to the table and I ignored everyone's curious eyes as I expertly inserted the needle into the vein inside her elbow. I bit my lower lip as I taped the line to her skin to keep it in place and then anchored the bag of water to the hook above that was attached to the table.
"What are you doing? What's that?" Liam asked me nervously from the other side of the table as he gripped Hayden's hand and I offered him a reassuring look as I doubled checked my work to be sure.
"It's just water. I don't want her to dehydrate." I explained to him comfortingly with a small smile as I leaned my hands on the table and he nodded in understanding as he sighed in relief, turning his focus back to the unconscious girl between us.
"You said you have an idea?"
"Yeah, it's something that I read in The New England Journal of Medicine. It's called – "
"Sophie!" I heard my mom call out from the lobby as the sound of her footsteps hurried closer to the backroom and I sighed in relief as I turned to face the door in anticipation for her arrival. I smiled genuinely when she appeared in the doorway with a worried expression and a black bag carefully situated in her hand. "I'm here. I got everything you asked for from the hospital. What are we dealing with here?"
"I'm thinking mercury toxicity, but I can't be completely sure." I explained hesitantly with a shake of my head as my lips turned down at the corners and her frown deepened in concern as she set the bag down on the table when she came to a stop next to me. I placed my hand over hers to stop her movements, drawing her attention to me and she quirked an eyebrow at me in question as I licked my lip nervously before continuing, "Mom. She had a kidney transplant a few years ago."
"Oh. Oh! God." She breathed out in realisation as I nodded sadly, having come to the same conclusion and she pursed her lips thoughtfully as she gazed blankly at the bag in front of her before lifting her gaze to meet mine. "I take it we're still going through with it, or otherwise you wouldn't have asked me to bring this stuff over here."
I took a ragged breath as I looked down at Hayden's unconscious face, searching for any sign of distress before lifting my eye back up to my mother with tears in my eyes as I told her honestly in a whisper, "She's needs to live, mom."
"Okay. Okay, let's do this." She said after a moment of studying my expression as she nodded her head in determination and started pulling different medications out of the black duffel bag, switching into 'nurse-mode' with expert ease. "Sophie, prep the needles while I set up an intravenous port."
I immediately started taking out the appropriate vials of medication that were needed as she moved to the other side of the table since I'd already utilised one of Hayden's arms. I concentrated on measuring the correct amounts of chemicals into the needles, ignoring the boys who were watching us apprehensively. I tapped the needle gently to make sure there were no bubbles before placing it carefully on the table and then immediately set about preparing the next dose of medication.
"Okay. What's that?" Liam asked anxiously with his hand in Hayden's as he shifted on his feet and I could practically taste the desperation and nerves in the air as he glanced between us.
"It's called chelation therapy. It removes heavy metals from the blood. But, the problem is, is that can injure the kidneys and Hayden only has one to begin with, so..." I explained in the most comforting tone I could as I continued prepping the needle and he nodded jerkily with a deep frown on his lips as he turned his attention back to Hayden's face.
"Soph, hand me the first dose." Mom instructed softly as she held her hand out for the needle and I checked to make sure it was the correct one before handing it over. She nodded in gratitude as she lowered the point of the needle to the conjuncture of Hayden's elbow and I brushed the brunette hair off of her forehead tenderly as the sharp point of the needle entered her flesh.
Hayden flinched in pain as her face twisted into a grimace, jerking her head to the side and Liam immediately reached against the table to grab my mother's wrist to stop her as he growled angrily, "Hey, you're hurting her."
I tensed in anticipation at the threat he posed to my very human mother but before I could move to stop him, mom lifted her head to look at him in the eye evenly and spoke in a calm tone of voice with an undeniable authority that she often used on me and Scott when we were getting scolded, "And you're hurting me."
Confusion crossed his features momentarily before realisation dawned on him as he looked down at his hand and he let go of her wrist like he had been burned as he looked down in shame, "Sorry."
"Hey, guys...Remember, we're here to save a life. Not kill each other." Theo intervened calmly as he held his hands up in surrender with his eyebrows raised and I nodded in agreement as my mom continued to administer the medication.
"Here, honey." I said softly as I gripped Liam's hands tightly in my own, rubbing my thumb over his knuckle soothingly and he snapped his head towards me with sad glint in his blue eyes as I smiled reassuringly. "Here. Squeeze."
"No, no, no, I'll hurt you."
"I can handle the pain and I'll heal instantly."
"I'm not going to hurt you on purpose, Sophie."
"Liam, I've been tortured before, more than once, I can handle the pain. You're upset and angry, and heightened stress-levels can trigger your I.E.D., and I'd rather deal with a few broken bones that will heal than you maiming or killing someone who can't. So, take the offer."
"It's the full moon. We can feel it even during the day. And it's a Supermoon." Scott explained soberly as he stood at the head of the table with his arms crossed over his chest and I felt his gaze burning into the side of my head for a moment but I refused to look in his direction. Confrontation wasn't normally something I ran from, I usually faced conflict head-on with a smirk on my lips and fire in my veins, but I wasn't looking forward for another argument with my brother and I didn't want to split my attention between him and Hayden when she needed me.
"What is that supposed to make you guys, like super strong? Super aggressive?" mom asked in confusion as she administered the last dosage of medication with a small frown, her eyes flickering between me and Scott with a knowing glint in them.
"Both." I answered honestly as I gritted my teeth in pain when Liam squeezed my hand, his eyes trained solely on Hayden's face as he watched for any changes in her expression that could indicate pain.
The metaphoric bond that connected me to Hayden, the connection that we'd both experienced since the moment we'd met, was pulled so taut that it was physically starting to hurt me. Standing over her unconscious body was making me anxious and tense and I was having a hard time keeping still with all of the adrenaline running through my veins.
I needed an outlet, before I had experienced a real relationship I would've gone to find some random guy to sleep with, while I was in a real relationship I would've gone to find my partner to sleep with or to spar with, but now I had nothing, and no one.
"Go get some rest, guys. It'll take some time for the medication to kick in." mom announced in a maternal tone of voice as she looked between all of us firmly and I immediately shook my head in rejection of her suggestion as I used my free hand to brush some hair out of Hayden's eyes.
"I'm not leaving her." Liam said in a hard tone of voice as he tightened his hold on my hand in retaliation and I clenched my jaw shut to stop myself from making any noise of complaint because I knew he would stop if he thought he was hurting me more than I could handle.
Scott cast a fleeting glance in our direction as he left the examination room and Theo squeezed my forearm supportively with a small upturn of his lips as he walked past me, following my brother out of the room. I felt myself relax once they'd left, the tension leaving my body and I hadn't even realised that I was so tightly wound by Scott's presence. I felt like every move I made was being carefully observed just in case I did something to endanger everyone and it was leaving me anxious, on edge.
"Okay. What the hell is going on between you and Scott?" mom hissed under her breath as she leaned across the table towards me and I snapped my head around to face her with a faux-look of confusion, causing her to scoff as she rolled her eyes at me. "Oh, don't give me that. I know my kids. What's going on?"
I hesitated a moment in consideration as I bit my lower lip thoughtfully and I was extremely aware of Liam's presence next to me, watching our interaction curiously from the corner of his eye. "Scott, he, um, he found out."
"Found out what?"
"He found out." I repeated with extra emphasis on the last word as I gave her a look and her eyes instantly went wide in understanding as her lips parted in a silent 'o'. She knew the magnitude of the situation, and I remembered the night I finally told her the truth of what happened the afternoon Simon died.
One night during the summer, after Derek left, Scott was staying at Stiles' house for the night and I woke up from a nightmare screaming at the top of my lungs, covered in sweat and gasping for breath as my heart raced like I'd just run a marathon. Mom had come running into my bedroom with a baseball bat in her hands, ready to defend me from anyone or anything and I broke down into tears as she pulled me into her arms in concern. The truth weighed heavily on my shoulders, the burden of keeping it a secret, of having blood on my hands, and I eventually cracked under the pressure. I managed to make it through the story without turning into a sobbing mess and she calmly soothed my hair as she listened it me admit that I'd killed a man and let my father take the blame. She assured me that she was proud of me for saving Stiles' life, that I did the right thing, and that she loved me before we fell asleep with our arms wrapped around each other.
"I'm sorry, honey. He just needs time to come to terms with it." Mom tried to assure me soothingly as she offered me a small smile and I returned the gesture with a grimace as I turned away from her sympathetic eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Liam asked curiously in confusion as he looked between us with a frown on his lips and I turned my head to look at him, my lips parted to speak but no words would come out.
"Sophie?"
"Okay." I whispered to myself in defeat as I closed my eyes, coming to the conclusion that it was time to own my action from that day and admitting what I did to Liam would be my first step in absolution.
I took a deep breath before exhaling slowly in an effort to ease my nerves and I forced a small smile on my lips as I turned to face the Beta standing next to me. "Okay. Honey, it's time you knew something."
"Sophie. Are you sure?" mom asked me tentatively as she placed a hand on my wrist, drawing my attention to her and I nodded my head with a smile as I placed my hand over hers in assurance.
"I'm sure. Almost everyone else in the pack knows. Plus, I trust Liam." I told her honestly as I squeezed her hand, grateful for her unconditional support and she nodded in acceptance with a small smile as she let go of my wrist.
Liam was watching the interaction warily without a word, his eyebrows drawn together in obvious confusion and one of his hands curled into a fist out of frustration as the other kept a tight grip on Hayden's. I smiled at him sadly as I tucked a strand of brunette hair behind my ear and placed a hand on his arm, nervous about how he would take the news as I said softly, "I've gotta tell you something. Come outside with me?"
The sophomore frowned slightly in confusion but nodded unsurely in agreement and I offered him a strained smile before turning my attention to the unconscious girl on the exam table. I pressed a kiss to her clammy forehead as I grazed my fingertips down her cheek and then gave my mom a look, silently asking her to come a get me if something happened.
I could feel my nerves vibrating with energy as I headed towards the backdoor of the clinic and I heard Liam's footsteps behind me as I pushed open the door, florescent light overhead blinding me momentarily.
3RD PERSON POV:
Rain poured down from the early morning sky, a light drizzle compared to the thunderstorm from the night before and the puddles on the asphalt rippled as they were stepped in by the heavy feet. Thunder rumbled through the sky, blocking out the footsteps as Sophie McCall and Liam Dunbar hurried across the parking lot towards the black Camaro parked underneath a street light.
Liam felt his pulse race with uncertainty, his mind plagued with a million different thoughts as he followed the older girls lead and climbed into the passenger seat of the car. A shiver ran through him at the sudden change in temperature as he brushed some raindrops out of his short hair with a scowl on his lips. When no reprimand, no scolding for getting the upholstery wet, came from the other side of the car, he frowned in concern as he turned his head to check she was still there.
Sophie felt her eyes fill with tears as she stared absently out the windshield, her hands clasped tightly around the steering wheel until her knuckles were white from the constant pressure. It hadn't occurred to her how much harder it would be to tell Liam than it was to tell everyone else. Maybe it was because he was the youngest, maybe it was because he looked up to her for guidance and she didn't want to disappoint him, but she was having a hard time forcing the words out of her mouth.
"Sophie, what's going on?" Liam asked her quietly when he noticed the unshed tears in her normally vibrant dark brown eyes and he swore he heard her sniffle gently as she wiped away an invisible teardrop.
"I love you. You know that, right?" she asked him suddenly in an almost panicked tone of voice as she snapped her head around to look at him with wide eyes and he blinked in shock at the abrupt turn in conversation.
"Yeah, I know." he assured her instantly with a nod of his head as he reached over to ply one of her hands off the steering wheel, threading his fingers through hers in an effort to ease her worries.
And he did. He knew that she loved him without her having to say the words. Everything she did with proof that she did love him, that she loved everyone in the pack, and he couldn't deny that fact even if he wanted to. "I love you too."
And he did. As hard as it was for him to admit, he did love her. She was the first one to reach out to him when he joined the pack, the one who taught him how to be a fully functional werewolf, the one who allowed him to grow and mature at his own pace. Whenever he had a question, or a problem, or he just needed to talk to someone, she was the one he went to because he knew that she would never turn him away.
"Sophie, what's going on?" he repeated in a firmer tone of voice as he eyed her in concern, not used to the vulnerability wafting through her chemo-signals.
Over time that he'd been ingrained in the supernatural he'd seen many different sides of Sophie McCall: the mother hen, the teacher, the leader, the caring sister, the loving girlfriend, the devoted daughter, the supportive friend, the fearless warrior, and he had even witnessed her suffering through torture. But never before had he seen her looking so desolate and vulnerable than he did in that moment.
"Um, I don't know where to start…" she whispered to herself with a small frown on her lips as she stared down at their joined hands and Liam stayed silent, having known her long enough to know when she needed a moment to organise her thoughts. There was always a reason when she was quiet, often she was sorting through the chaos that reined in her mind and the madness that rested in the depths of her heart.
"Okay, um, my whole life people treated me like I'm perfect, flawless. Whether it was because I was popular or intelligent or… I don't know, I don't have a reason. But I've tried to live up to their expectations. I've tried to keep everyone from looking behind the curtain. The only people who I let see behind the façade her pack members." she continued solemnly without making eye contact, fidgeting nervously with the hem of her shorts with her free hand. "I preach about how much I value honesty, but I haven't been honest with you, with any of you. I'm always telling you that you can trust me with anything, that I would support you through anything. But I don't follow my own advice. I'm such a hypocrite."
'Hypocrite' was not a word Liam would use to describe Sophie McCall, nor one he had ever heard anyone else use to describe the senior. She never made it a secret that she treated everyone equally until they did something in order for her to disrupt the balanced scale, and never did she hide the fact that she hated those whose actions differed from their words or beliefs.
Liam frowned deeply to himself as he tried to figure how in the world she could call herself a 'hypocrite' when she had done everything she had done, when she had experienced everything she had experienced. There were three other words that stood out in his mind when he thought to describe the woman sitting in the seat beside him:
Warrior; with fire in her veins and armour beneath her skin, she crushed the earth beneath her feet. She was not born and she was not made a warrior, a fighter. She created herself through trial and error, pain and suffering, and her unique ability to conquer her own faults.
Princess; with lips made from glass and a voice cut from steel, features born from thunder and battle. She knew beyond a doubt that beauty may have been dangerous but intelligence was absolutely lethal, and so she wielded her own like a weapon at the ready.
Heroine; with a grin made of war and eyes flecked with ash, striding powerfully into the arms of war. An ordinary individual who found to strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.
"Soph, I don't know what you've kept from us, but I'm positive that you did it for a reason." he told her honestly with an earnest expression on his face as he stared at her profile in the early morning light.
The older girl scoffed out a bitter laugh as she shook her head in dismissive acknowledgement and she pressed her lips into a tight line as she looked over at him with sadness dancing in her dark brown eyes. "I did, but it was selfish. My reason...it was selfish. I didn't want anyone to look at me differently. I didn't want to face everyone's disappointment and repulsion. I didn't want things to change."
"Why would we look at you differently?"
"Because I do." she admitted in a whisper as a tear leaked from the corner of her eyes and she sniffled discreetly as she brushed it away with the tip of her fingers, a strained smile on her lips. "I can't look in the mirror without seeing the difference. It's always there in the back of my mind. For a while I ignored it because I didn't want to face the truth. But I can't do that anyone. Too many people know for it to be a secret. And I know it's going to keep eating away at me until I accept my own actions and face the consequences."
Sophie took a deep breath, oxygen filling her lungs almost painfully before she exhaled slowly, releasing all of the tension that was causing her muscles to ache and she mentally prepared herself for one of the hardest conversations she'd ever had to have.
"Do you remembering the day of the PSAT's last year?" she asked him almost timidly as she twisted her body to face him, maintaining eye contact with him even though she was terrified of what she'd find.
Liam's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the random question, a deep frown pulling at the corners of his lips and his mind immediately remembered the day almost a year ago when most of the pack suffered under the effects of a modified virus unique to the supernatural. "Yeah, I remember. The Chemist, or whatever his name was, killed most of Satomi's pack and then infected Scott, Malia and Kira during the test, right?"
"That's right. And you remember Scott telling you that The Chemist held a gun on Stiles but my dad shot him?"
"He saved Stiles' life. I remember."
A fleeting smile crossed her lips but disappeared almost as quickly as it came and she tucked a strand of brunette hair behind her ear as she swallowed nervously. Her fingers moved restlessly on her lap, clenching and unclenching in an effort to calm herself down, but she was still on edge as she shifted on her seat. "Okay, well, that's not exactly how it went down. My dad wasn't the one who pulled the trigger."
Sophie turned her head away from him, casting her gaze out the windshield as she prepared herself to continue and she closed her eyes as a few tears leaked from her eyes but she made no move to wipe from away. "It was me. I killed him."
Silence emanated from them both; Liam staring at her with eyes wide in astonishment and his lips parted slightly in shock, and Sophie crying silently to herself as she covered her trembling lips with her hand without looking in his direction. Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs and her head bowed in shame as she wrapped an arm around her stomach, keeping herself together out of sheer strength of will.
Liam's thoughts were muddled, disbelieving as he continued to stare at the girl in front of him. And at the moment, that's what she was. A teenage girl who was thrown into a world she wasn't ready for, a high school student who wasn't prepared for everything that she'd been put through. He had always held her on a higher level than everyone else, looked towards her for guidance in order to know what was right or wrong. But that wasn't fair to her. It wasn't fair to place her on a pedestal, to make her out to be some higher virtue.
Because underneath the werewolf warrior, the Druid princess, the confidence and bravado; she was human. Simply and undeniably human. And humans weren't perfect, they weren't flawless. They came with sharp edges, and cracks, and different shades of grey within them.
"Okay." he choked out in a strained voice with tears unapologetically streaming down his cheeks, overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotion.
"Okay? Liam, none of this is 'okay'!" she snapped in exasperation with a bitter laugh escaping her lips and she lifted her head to look at him sadly, her dark brown eyes glistening with tears. "I'm not 'okay'. I haven't been 'okay' in a really long time."
Those words sent his mind whirling back to the past, to the numerous times he'd heard her mutter the phrase, 'I'm always okay'. At time the time they didn't sound so hollow, but looking back now, he mentally scolded himself for missing the distress buried beneath the words. How many times had she plastered on a fake smile? How many times did she laugh when all she wanted to do was cry? How many times was she there for everyone else when no one was there was for her?
"Who knows?" he asked quietly as he fidgeted with his fingers nervously, biting down on his lower lip as he peeked at her profile from the corner of his eye. "You said most of the pack knows. Who?"
Sophie looked confused by the question for a moment, her eyebrows drawing together but she shook her head slightly as though to shake it out and then answered his query hesitantly, "Um, Stiles, obviously. My dad, the Sheriff. I told Derek the night it happened. Lydia and my mom found out during the summer. And Scott…Um, I told him tonight."
"That's why things are so tense between you two."
"Yeah, he, uh, he didn't take it very well." she admitted with an unamused chuckle as she leaned her elbow on the windowsill and gazed out the window, a faraway look overtaking her features as a frown pulled at the corners of her lips.
"Sophie, I – I don't know what's going on between you and Scott, but I don't blame you for what happened. I don't hold it against you. I know that whatever I've done, whatever you might do in the future, it's either in self-defence or to protect someone. Shooting that guy? It saved Stiles' life. That guy was an assassin. He'd killed countless people. He tried to kill the pack. He would've kept on killing people, for money." Liam pointed out firmly as he reached over to thread his fingers through hers, drawing her attention to him and she smiled weakly like she appreciated the effort but didn't believe his words.
"I know all the facts, honey. And I appreciate the fact that you aren't completely horrified. But the reality, living with the fact that I ended someone's life, it's not rational. I can't just tell myself to get over it. Something like this? It's not that easy." she informed him softly as she squeezed his hand gratefully, offering him a tremulous smile and used the back of her free hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
"I want you to listen to me very carefully…" he urged her in a hard tone as he twisted around in the passenger seat to face her with a determined expression on his face and he placed both his hands on her cheeks as he made sure she was looking at him in the eyes so that she could read his expression. "You're not a bad person. You're a very good person who bad things have happened to. You've taught me that we've all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on, and you always act for the good of the many, for the good of the pack, for our family."
Tears were once again streaming down Sophie's cheeks as she wrapped her fingers around his wrist, nodding absently along with his words and she took a shuddering breath before choking out, "It was! It was. I saw him there, pointing a gun at Stiles. It was all I could see. I don't even remember thinking about it. I just knew I had to save him!"
"I know. I know, okay? I know." Liam rushed to reassure her as he pulled the sobbing girl into his arms, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears and he closed his eyes as she buried her face into the crook of his neck.
Guilt had been slowly eating at her psyche since she pulled the trigger but with each admission, she was carving away at the feeling. The heavy burden that once sat on her heart, a darkness weighing it down, was easing with each confession. She knew somewhere deep inside that she would never get back to what she was before; that girl was gone.
More than just a man died that day. A part of Sophie died right alongside of him, a part she didn't even know existed until it was gone. Innocence, once lost, could never be regained, and darkness, once gazed upon, could never be forgotten. Everything seemed tainted somehow, tinged in a dullness when everything was once technicolour and she desperately wanted to feel whole once more.
Sophie took a shuddering breath as she lifted her head from his shoulder and she sniffled gently as she wiped her cheeks roughly as she breathed out a laugh, "Oh, god. I'm a mess."
"Yeah, you are." Liam agreed immediately without thinking and she scoffed loudly as she playfully pushed him away from her with a scowl on her lips. He rolled his blue eyes at the misunderstanding but couldn't help the swell of pride over the fact that she was genuinely smiling because of something he did. "I didn't mean it like that, okay? There parts of you that are always going to be messy, untameable, and reckless. Don't apologise for them, they're what makes you who you are."
"Maybe you're right. It happened. I can't change the outcome. I shouldn't let something long gone continue to control me. It's time to let go. Move on." she whispered the last statement to herself as she gazed at something over his shoulder before blinking back to reality with a soft smile on her lips. "Thank you. Just – thank you, Liam."
"Um, yeah. Yeah, sure." he murmured sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck with a blush creeping across his cheeks, diverting his gaze away from her affectionate dark brown eyes.
Sophie leaned over the console to grab the back of his neck, turning his head so that he was forced to look into her eyes and he looked at her in bewilderment as she offered him a warm upturn of her lips. "I love you. You are a brother to me. Whatever happens, remember that, okay?"
Tears welled in his eyes as he nodded jerkily in recognition, not uttering a word as she pulled him into her arms and he held onto her, clinging to her, like she was an anchor keeping him tethered to the ground. He didn't know what it was like to have a sibling, someone to love and to love you unconditionally, but he thought it would feel similar to how he felt in regards to Sophie. Sometimes it felt like she was the one constant in his life, the one thing that was solid when everything else was fluid.
Liam tightened his arms around her as a stray tear leaked from his eyes and he was thankful that she couldn't see his face as he mumbled into neck in a voice choked with emotion, "I love you as well."
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