iii.

This is the sound of a new beginning:

Penny sat at the small square wooden table with her friends, absentmindedly playing with the straw in her cup. After she and Leonard had gotten home from therapy, he immediately accused her of embarrassing him in front of Sheldon. She quickly reminded him that it was his idea to even go to therapy in the first place. ("Yeah…I know that, but that doesn't mean you had to disagree with everything I said! I mean…come on, you had to tell him we haven't fucked in months?!") She could only roll her eyes at that. What else was therapy about, if not discussing your disagreements?

She felt stupid for not realizing sooner that Leonard wasn't using therapy as a way to help their relationship and to fix what was broken. He wanted to use therapy as a way to prove he was right; he wasn't wrong in wanting a stay-at-home wife. He wasn't wrong for demanding for her to stop working so he could have more of her time. He wasn't wrong at all.

"Penny, can I get the number of the wedding planner you used? Your wedding was gorgeous!" Bernadette screeched in excitement, and all Penny could do was narrow her eyes. A slight grimace on her face. (Great).

It was Amy who scoffed in retaliation and gave the bride to be a look. "How could you even ask that, Bernie? You know she and Leonard are going through therapy right now." She then turned to Penny and placed a hand on her arm, attempting to be comforting but just coming off as patronizing. "How is that going by the way?"

"Good."

Cause that's all she could say. (Right?)

I mean what was the alternative? Complain to them about her loveless marriage? How Leonard views her only as a trophy wife, and a human incubator? Or about how the most alive she's ever felt was in the arms of a (handsome) stranger who happened to be her therapist? How could Bernadette, who was just recently engaged, understand? How could Amy, the one who told her almost daily how lucky she was to be with Leonard, relate? ("Penny you're so lucky to be with a man like Leonard, all he wants to do is take care of you and sweep you off your feet. I wish I had a guy like that.")

The girls nodded their head, a brief awkward moment passing over the table before Penny stood to her feet. "I didn't realize the time, I gotta get going…a photoshoot, promo for the new season." She explained quickly before leaving the table without waiting for a response.

She loved her friends, really, she did. But being around them sometimes made her realize how unhappy she truly was. She didn't need that constant reminder, she got it enough at home. But now, the difference was she didn't care to fix it. It wasn't like she didn't have love for Leonard–she dedicated six years of life her to him, of course she had love for him. She just wasn't in love with him, that was the difference. When she discovered his infidelity is when she discovered the love was no longer there, that's why his cheating didn't hurt her as much as she thought it should.

And if therapy couldn't fix whatever was left of their marriage, (because Leonard was taking it as a joke) than so be it. She wasn't going to fight to be with a man like him anyway.

"Penelope?"

She had just made it outside of the café when she heard a new, yet familiar, voice call out to her. She turned around only to look up into the eyes of her therapist. She suddenly felt like all the air was knocked out of her lungs as he started to approach her, a glowing smile on his face. He looked gorgeous, even under the daylight. Subtly, or what she thought was subtly, she surveyed him–he was dressed smart casual; dark blue jeans, and a button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up slightly, and a black briefcase in his hand.

He approached her, and she quickly glanced through the window of the café, attempting to see if her friends could see her. They couldn't. She wondered if they even remembered the guy she was dancing with at the club two nights ago.

"Sheldon…"

She winced at how breathless she sounded saying his name, an instant redness crawling up her neck. Sheldon only grinned, not addressing it. "We seem to keep bumping into each other."

Her breath hitched. (Fuck.) That was the closest either of them got to addressing that night, and she wasn't sure if she was mentally strong enough to discuss it right now, not with her friends ten feet away and the object of her sexual dreams standing in front of her. So, she nodded and pathetically said. "Yeah."

"So how have things been since our session yesterday?"

She was grateful for the attempt at changing the topic, but this wasn't any better.

"That was something I wanted to talk to you about, I was wondering if–"

About to continue, her cellphone started ringing. "Oh, I'm sorry."

It was like anxiety and nerves were running through her as she dug through her purse, searching for the offending object. It sounded like the ringing got louder and more aggressive the longer it went unanswered. Soon, it was like that was all she was hearing –the constant ringing in her ears. ("Answer me, Penny! Why aren't you answering me!? Don't you love me anymore?!") She fished for the ringing phone before pulling it out of her purse, Leonard's name shining bright on the screen, all the while hyperaware of Sheldon watching her every move. It was like his eyes left burning trails along her body everywhere he looked, she could feel the heat rising from her stomach and she had to remind herself this wasn't the club. They were standing on the street, in public, and paparazzi were a very real thing for her.

"Are you going to answer that?"

("I wouldn't be cheating if you did what you were meant to do! Take responsibility for your actions, Penny, you did this.")

("You owe me! I gave you everything, the least you could do is have my kids.")

("You don't realize how lucky you are, so many women would kill to be in your position.")

("–Feel bad? For what? Finally getting the attention I deserve? For someone loving me the way you were meant to? You chose your career over me, that's not my fault.")

("Penny, I vow to be by your side until the very end. I promise to love and cherish you; I promise to never let a day go by without you know how much you mean to me. You're the best thing to ever happen to me–")

("I do.")

"No."

She thinks this could've been the better alternative:

She's freshly single–they bump into each other at the club. Sparks fly. He's kissing on her neck, she's grinding on his pelvis. They're intoxicated with each other. He takes her back to his house, they make love until the early hours of the morning.

She gets scared. Commitment scares her, she doesn't want to get her heart broken again…she leaves, she ignores his calls–she ignores him. But he's persistent and he knows what he wants, so he finds her–he promises her he'll never hurt her, he promises to always love her…he promises everything he physically can.

And she's crying, and he's hugging her; holding her as tight as he can because close isn't close enough.

End credits.

This is reality:

She sat across Sheldon's desk, nerves still wracking her body. She didn't understand why though, she asked to talk to him at the office. She put herself in this position…just the two of them, alone, in his office, with the setting sun shining through his windows acting as his backdrop.

Penny watched as he contemplated what she said.

"I usually don't do individual sessions." (Fuck.)

She looked down into her lap, embarrassed for even asking. "I figured…I just…" she debated her next words. "It's ok, forget it. I'm sorry I asked." She stood to her feet, deciding it was better to save whatever was left of her dignity. How was she meant to continue therapy with Leonard now? (Well, this was fucking embarrassing.)

Before she could walk away, he spoke again. "Do you remember what I told you before you left my office yesterday?"

She thought for a moment before nodding her head. "That if I was willing to forgive Leonard than I should continue coming back for sessions." Sheldon nodded. "Yes, but that's not all. I also said I wish nothing but the best for you and your husband."

If she wasn't confused before, she was confused now. What was the point of him saying this to her? Was this his way of letting her know he didn't think of that night, as much as she did–or at all? Was that night all in her head? It couldn't have been, she seen the way he looked at her during their session yesterday.

"I lied."

Her breath hitched in her throat. "You–you lied?"

It was like he was introducing himself, the way he spoke. Simple, to the point, and matter of fact. "Yes. I lied." He echoed. "I have a strict moral compass; I have rules and I like to hold myself to a certain standard. My life and my routine are very black and white. But quite frankly, ever since you stepped into my life two days ago, I found myself doing things I wouldn't normally do. The line between black and white has started to blur and everything is…" he trailed off; his eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. "Grey."

She deadpanned. "Grey."

"Grey." He confirmed.

They didn't say anything to each other for a minute, both lost in the meaning of his words. He didn't have to say it because she understood, she got it.

"You're still married." He points out.

And damn it, she knows that…but that wasn't what she wanted to hear. Not when her husband was continuously cheating on her and she had been nothing but faithful. So, she looks away in disappointment.

He continues speaking. "And it kills me to know that–but ever since that night I've craved you, Penelope."

Her stomach does something that resembles a somersault, and she feels her nerves coming back. He takes a step closer to her, and it's like the club all over again. She can hear the incessant pounding in her ears, and the sweat that starts to bead down her body…there's no one else in the world besides them two and the look in his eyes tells her he feels the same.

He wasn't as confident with his steps, like he was that night and she realized it was because he was waiting–waiting for her to tell him to stop, tell him no, to tell him she wanted to go home and this wasn't what she wanted. And that wasn't going to happen.

And when he realizes this, he closes the distance between them and pulls her against him. His body immediately engulfing her in his arms. As he inhaled, he could smell the fresh scent of coconut and it brought him back to when she was pressed up against him and he got intoxicated off the smell of coconut.

He let his large hands span against the bare skin of her lower back, and he could feel a low hum in his stomach.

"Can I kiss you."

His voice is barely a whisper, and he didn't realize it but her eyes are closed and she's letting out a small whimpering noise. She wants him, she wants him so bad it hurts.

And then they're kissing. Hungrily gripping each other, almost as if they're trying to fuse themselves together because close has never been close enough. He lifts her by the back of her thighs and she's wrapping her long legs around his waist, and pulls him taut against her . He groans.

"Fuck…"

(Fuck)

"Do it again." He demands.

So, she does.

She's in her bra and shorts, sitting on his lap and he's sitting in his leather desk chair. It had been ten minutes of silence, no talking…just listening to each other's breathing and enjoying the view of the city's night sky…

It's crazy for her to think a few hours ago she was wondering what this office looked like in the night, and now she knew.

She also knew she'd never hear the end of it when she got home. Leonard would definitely be waiting for her, ready to remind her how bad of a wife she is for leaving him alone all evening and not answering his phone call. (Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black)

"I'll give you the individual sessions you want, but on two conditions." He said randomly.

She waited for him to speak.

"You let Leonard know. I don't want you having to sneak around just to get here." He stated firmly. His hands moved to her bare stomach and he gently stroked it with his thumb. "Second, I want to be able to kiss you like this whenever I want."

She thought about that, she really thought about that. Sheldon only eyed her. "I don't do well sharing, you should know."

She knew if someone were to hear her contemplating divorcing Leonard to be with a man she met two days ago, they'd probably try to have her committed…but she didn't care. Leonard had been a lousy husband for a long time now, and the love in their marriage had dissipated…she was tired of putting other people first. So, she nodded.

They had only made out, and touched each other slightly…she couldn't find it in her to go any further without talking to Leonard first…but god did she want to. He didn't deserve any respect, not after what he did to her…but she was better than him. (Maybe not by much, but still)

"And I want to take you on a date."

Who was she to say no.