We all bundled into mom's car, with the twins here it was truly a girl's day out. Joy was meeting us at the mall since she lived in Charlottetown already. Our weekend out had been pushed back a weekend as the Twins were coming home, which I didn't mind. I had spent the previous Sunday with Olivia watching movies as we chilled in the basement as she asked me more about Ken and I answered them truthfully as I could. Promising her that just because Ken was around that I wouldn't forget about her. Telling her that I didn't know what the last months would have been like without her around.

I was wearing a pair of leggings and a sweater. It appeared that most of my closet had given up hope on fitting me. Which meant I would be getting my first articles of maternity clothing. I needed something when wear and yoga pants and leggings weren't acceptable, and I needed something for school as well now.

The price of clothing sent me almost into a panic attack.

"A pair of jeans, a pair of chino's for school, few tee shirts should be good for now," Mom tells me as she sees me look around utterly confused about where to start. "And some bra's, of course."

"Can I help you find anything?" The sales lady asks my mom. "Are we shopping for a gift?"

"Actually for me," I quietly speak up for myself.

"Of course, we have some more graphic tee's and basic over here in the back," she tells me, leading me away from the workwear sections. "How far along?"

"20 weeks," I tell her as we stop by what is very much for the younger generation of maternity wear.

"What size are you generally?" She asks me and I look at her confused. "Are sizes correspond with pre-baby sizes, yet accommodate the ever-changing body."

"I'm usually a size a small, depending on stretch a size 2-4 in jeans," I tell her.

"Okay so let's so let's stick with a small," she tells me. "Our best selling jeans are these, they help support the bump, but you seem on the small side so you might be fine with the side stretch ones."

"Rilla you need to try this on!" Joy says holding up a polka dot jumpsuit.

"Your Aunt?" The lady tries to decipher or family.

"Sisters, and our mother," I tell her, she nods her head. I can see her look over everyone, calculating our ages in her head.

I try on numerous outfits, including the jumpsuit that Joy picked out and a loose floral tiered dress that Nan and Mom had shown me. From bra's, a pair of jeans, the dress and a few shirts, a pair of khakis for school. I almost gasped at the amount it rang up as. Mom merely passed along her credit card. Joy ended up buying me the jumpsuit, saying it was too cute on me to pass up

"So Ken is back in Toronto?" Joy asks as we stand in line at the coffee shop.

"Yeah, last week," I nod my head. "Few loose ends, more clothing, actual things." I rattle off to explain.

"Feel a bit strange not having him around?" Joy asked looking at me as I fiddled with my phone.

"He said he would text and call, and he does, we chatted as I did my morning stretches," I tell her. I don't tell her how he sends me funny memes on Instagram or random baby facts. It was oddly comforting, after months of thinking he actively ignored me.

"What do you want?" Joy asks me with a nudge.

"Chai latte please," I tell her looking around the book store that was in the mall. Joy orders our drinks and we take them as we browse the store, landing in the children's section.

Mom comes up with a couple of books, mostly pregnancy in a teen approachable way. In my own hands was a small book that was about a ballerina that had different textures.

"It might help you read other stories about girls your age." She explained. "Of course, What to Expect While You're Expecting. I should have bought this one back in October for you." She told me.

"That is the type of girl you don't want to become," I hear whispered loudly around the corner. I look down at my body, I had given up on my jacket in the warm mall and I was beginning to show more than ever.

Mom's head swings to where the older woman was and gave her, her best principal death glare.

"Don't," I say not wanting her to cause a scene. "It's not worth it," I tell her, I pull her away, over to another aisle. I learned in the past week it was easier to ignore the talk than react to it, it made it less fun for the people who gossiped.

We gravitated towards the check out where I paid for the little book by myself, though Joy had offered to get it for me. I only shook my head. I had some money, after all, I should be able to buy things for my child.

It was the twins who pull me into Osh-Kosh as we passed by it. They squeal over the tiny clothing and little socks as soon as they saw it. I stood there like a fish out of water looking around not sure where to even look or begin.

"Are we looking for anything particular?" Another sales lady picks me out of the group from the obvious bump I am sporting.

"Everything?" I say a touch sarcastically, before a frown. She was just trying to help me, thankfully she laughs as if she understands.

"It can be overwhelming, when are you due?"

"May 6th," I tell her.

"So you'll want to start with spring and summer clothing section, no point in looking at the fall and winter just yet." She says with a smile. "Do we know what the little one is?"

"It's a girl," I tell her and she leads me over to the cotton candy land of girl's clothing filled with unicorns and mermaids and pastel dinosaurs.

"If you need anything just ask," The girl said before retreating. I look over to my sisters. Joy was holding up a set of onesies with a unicorn on them, mom was looking at tights with ruffled lace butt, ones that Joy had on in her baby photos. Di was holding some sort of overalls that had dinosaurs on them, Nan was holding up the smallest tutu I had ever seen. I smile at them as I sit down on one of the squares they had out and fished around in my purse for my baggy of snacks. Where did my energy go all of sudden? I feel my phone buzz and I look at it.

Hope you're having fun shopping.

I snap a shot of the store before writing. I love pink and unicorns don't get me wrong, but this is a lot of pink, why is everything pink? Why is everything on cotton candy on steroids?

So less pink and unicorns? He writes back instantly.

I never really thought of it, it just surprised me. You can buy her whatever you want really. I tell him not wanting to think that I would tell him what to buy.

Maybe when I get settled in we can do some shopping and see what we like? Buy some things for her ourselves together for the first time? He offers.

Sounds good =)

My sisters bring me back to the present as they ask my opinions about things.

"I know you're excited but can you hold off?" I ask quietly. "I just think that it might be nice if Ken and I buy some of her first articles of clothing?" I tell them trying to explain how I felt overwhelmed by it all at the moment.

They all nod, somehow understanding. I'm sure that they would be back to buy things later on as presents.

"I think our movie is about to start soon," Mom says above us all. "We should start heading that way." My sisters seem to agree as they pull me towards the exit. We walk the corridor of the mall until we start smelling the popcorn wafting from the movie theatre. Mom goes to buys us tickets as the twins get in line for popcorn and drinks. Joy and I make use of the short line in the ladies' washroom. It would be a miracle at this point if I made it through the movie without having to leave to pee.

I was dead on my feet when we got home. I threw my shopping bags on the floor and laid down on my bed with a yawn. A small nap would be lovely at the moment I thought. I couldn't wait for Christmas break to start. To think I still had a week of school left, I look toward my door as I hear footsteps, and someone knocked.

"Yes?" I answer and Nan pokes her head into my room. I motion for her to come in and crawls into my bed. She lays next to me contemplating something, unsure if she should say what was on her mind.

"You knew?" I say quietly looking up at the dark ceiling. "You know it was him."

"I heard rumours, part of me didn't want to believe it. Another part of me believed it because why else would you be so tight-lipped about it?" Nan replies, her voice even and calm as it always is. "I couldn't be sure until you came out with the truth."

I sign burrowing my head in the crook of her neck. "We didn't mean for it to happen, it just did."

"I know," Nan tells me. "They all said you were both really out of it. Actually, I'm surprised he could manage to do anything, whiskey dick is real." She said, my mouth drops at her words. Nan wasn't one to swear or make crude comments. "I'm not a prude Rilla. I'm not all out there like Di is with her opinions about sex, but I'm not a virgin Mary," Nan tells me before I can anything.

"It's always the quiet ones," I tease her. "So you and Jerry, how does that work a minister's son?"

Nan looks down at me. "He's twenty-four and makes his own decisions?" she says to me.

"It was just a question," I respond.

Nan hums for a moment. "I know, it's still new with us and Jerry is private and you're not going to get me off the topic." She tells me authoritatively. I wrap my arm around her arm and hold it tightly. "You're lucky Ken's a good guy, he won't shriek his responsibilities. This little niece of mine will be loved and cherished."

"You're not going to hit him are you?" I ask her curiously.

Nan laughed lightly. "No but I did find a list of books for him to read about pregnancy and fatherhood," she tells me. "Di is angry at him, but I think she knows Walter used to crush on him. Jem though, Jem might blow a gasket when he actually sees Ken."

I find myself sighing once more.

"Rills?" Nan asks me in the darkroom.

"Yes, Nan?" I answer her.

"You're braver than me," Nan says quietly.

I twist and lift myself and look down at my sister, who was staring up at the ceiling.

"I had an abortion last year," She whispers. "Di came with me, to get the pills that day. Mom and Dad don't even know," she said. "Which is why you are braver than me."

"Why?"

"It just made sense. When I told him; when I told him I wanted to just nip in the bud, he looked relieved and said fine, he even offered to pay for them. We didn't stay together after that."

"I thought you were on the pill? Obviously, I know condoms can be defective" I asked her as I motion to my bump. Boy did I ever know that know.

"I was but it was giving me headaches and weird side effects, I switched to a new brand and I don't know. Something happened and all I knew my Eggo was preggo," Nan said with a sigh.

"Your Eggo is Preggo? Like Eggo as a waffle?" I asked looking at her confused.

"It was a saying back when I was in high school," Nan explained. "So now you know," she said.

"I think you're brave," I tell her. "We just had different reasoning, it doesn't mean either of us brave for our choices," I tell her.

"Is it weird with Ken is gone again?" Nan asks curiously.

"Not really, but he was only here for a little over a week. He texts all the time, sometimes he calls me," I shrug. "It feels like he's overcompensating for what happened." Nan hums and nods her head that was resting on my pillow.

"How's mom?" She asks quietly.

"She's mom," I say simply. "Not sure if it's the Christmas season making her rethink things or if it just sunk in enough that it is what it is now to her."

"So, what was it like?" Di says from the doorway out of nowhere. "With Ken?"

"I don't remember much," I tell her honestly as we all squish on my bed snuggled against each other. "It's all blurry and dicey, pretty sure we clunked heads once or twice, I fumbled a lot," I explain with a blush. "I think he was attentive?" I say shyly before I giggled. "After Fred and I last spring, sometimes it felt like everyone just lied about sex and how great it was. Though it is possible that it was just Fred who lacked the greatness?" I say.

"Something that could be very true," Di says with a nod of her head.

"So despite not remembering much, you still have enough to compare it and rate it better than the other boy?" Nan looks at me. "I feel like your withholding information."

I shrug not wanting to divulge any more information.

"At least tell us if the rumours are true?" Di says poking me.

"I don't even know what rumours you are talking about," I respond shaking my head. "Now let me sleep," I told her yawning.

"You had the first-hand experience," Di says with a grin, making some rude gesture so I would get her meaning.

"I thought you were into girls right now, why do you want to know about his dick?" I question her.

"Because guys are wonderful in their own way as well," Di said grinning. "Come on, tell us. We heard rumours back in the day during summer vacations when he was around." She tried to pry information from me. Information I truly didn't have to my own recollection. I couldn't tell her even if I wanted to.

"I rather sleep," I say yawning.

"It's 6 pm," Di says looking at her phone.

"Yeah and I'm growing a human parasite that feeds off of me," I say sarcastically. "Forgive me for taking naps when I spent all day at a mall."

Di leaves, but Nan stays for another moment.

"Secret keeper?" She says.

"Secret keeper," I nod my head and watch her leave my room.

Christmas Day was much like every other Christmas. Us children at home were up as soon as the sun was up, dressed in our Christmas pyjama's that they bought for us every year. Joy would be over a little later, while Jem and Faith were at the Merediths for Christmas morning this year.

Dressed in our onesies we all waited patiently for our parents and Aunt Marilla to wake up.

Di and Walter were laughing over something on her phone, while Nan was texting Jerry a Merry Christmas.

We opened our presents, which were more practical than not nowadays. The twins and Walter got things for their apartment. Decor and dishes, gift cards to buy other things. Shirley got new bedding for his bed, and some computer games he had wanted. Of course, there was a clementine in the bottom of our stocking like every year, our Costco pack of socks and new slippers. Bath and body toiletries, small make-up for us girls and somehow packs of condoms were thrown into the mix of things. Most likely because of my own predicament.

This year was different for me as it lacked the dance things I usually get along with notebooks to write in and movies I've been wanting. With the seven of us kids, we usually draw names with each other. That way no one had to buy six different presents when you were a poor teenager, but we wait until Joy and Jem arrive for those presents. The only one of us that didn't partake was Joy who deemed herself old enough to buy us all something these days. I had gift cards to Babies R Us and Walmart from my parents. Which I knew were mean to cover a large amount of costs coming. What had surprised me was a pair of boots that I had been eyeing back in September when mom had taken me shopping. She must have gone back and bought them for me and didn't feel like returning in her disappointment I gathered. They were a dark brown suede, with a delicate fringe on them.

"Thank you," I say quietly.

"I hope they still fit you," Mom replies. "Feet tend to get bigger during pregnancy."

"I'm sure they will be fine," not wanting to mention they were a half size larger than my usual size, to begin with. We hug awkwardly, still unsure of each other since I admitted I was pregnant.

I open Aunt Marilla's present next who arrived the previous night as she always does.

It was a pretty dress, Aunt Marilla does have good taste in clothing or maybe we just like the same things? It was dark green with a broad floral design, it was also a dress that didn't hide my changing body. I was rather surprised that she bought it at all.

"Maternity wear, definitely isn't what it was like when your mother had back in the day even with you," she says. "The sale girls said these dresses were popular for expectant mothers, and it will grow with you as you grow." She explains all the ruching down the sides of the dress.

"It looks really pretty, thank you," I move to hug her. "I'll try it on after breakfast, though I'm sure it will fit for a while," I tell her. "It will match my boots.

"Your mother was much the same with Joy, so tiny until one day she just popped." Aunt Marilla told me, much to my mother's protesting.

"She said she was a whale," I say confused.

"I was a whale," Mom speaks up.

"You were far from a whale Anne," Aunt Marilla clucked her tongue. "Of course with the twins, you were much larger than previous pregnancies. Even with them, you had every woman at church envious of how you managed to bounce back with every baby. I remember hearing Mrs. Barry telling Diana that she should watch her own weight so Fred wouldn't stray."

"Diana always looked radiant pregnant, and never gained more than the recommended weight," Mom told Aunt Marilla with a shake of her head. "Of course Fred is an angel and would have never strayed from Diana." Mom adds on. " She also always had easy births no twins, no complications. No last-minute c-sections like when Shirley decided to get himself into a pickle, turned askew and just refused to be moved," Mom said sighing.

"Well, he does have a big head," I say looking over at Shirley.

"My head is average thank you very much," Shirley objects. "You were the chunky baby anyway,"

"You were close to nine pounds," Mom hummed. "Eight pounds and eleven ounces, and the shortest of the bunch, made you extra squishy as an infant"

"Thanks, I was the fat one I know," I say rolling my eyes. "Wasn't Jem the heaviest at ten pounds?"

"Jem was ten pounds, and I believe Kenneth Ford was close to ten pounds as well?" Aunt Marilla spoke up and I spin to look at her mouth open then I look at mom praying that Aunt Marilla was wrong.

"About that nine something, if I remember, I have his birth announcement somewhere in an album." Mom said getting up and running her finger through the photo albums.

"Kenneth Wayne Ford, May 24th, 1995, 9 lbs 10 ounces, 21 1/2 inches long." Mom reads out loud when she finds what she was looking for.

I groan openly. This child had the potential to be massive and the thought of giving birth to it was suddenly terrifying. A part of me suddenly realizing that maybe I didn't think everything through when I decided to have this baby.

"All right enough with that talk," Dad speaks up. "It's Christmas after all and even though it's a day to celebrate the birth of Christ, it's probably not helping." he rubs my shoulder lovingly from where I sat in front of him. "You and your doctor will most likely go through a birth plan soon. There are also classes and whatnot that you can attend to teach that will teach you about it all." He tells me trying to reassure me that it will somehow be all right. I nod my head, I've seen enough romantic comedy that I know about Lamaze class.

"I think this one is yours," Di tells me passing me a wrapped gift.

"Who is it from?" Walter leaned in to ask.

I merely shrug at Walter as I opened it up slowly and found a book of all things. I knew it was Ken, it could only be from Ken. I felt rather guilty that I never had a chance to get him something. I would have to rectify that later I tell myself as I push aside the paper.

Dancing in Petersburg: The Memoirs of Mathilde Kschessinska - Prima Ballerina of the Russian Imperial Theatre, and Mistress of the future Tsar Nicholas II

I shook my head but smiled if I would enjoy one thing it is something about ballet. Along with it was a pair of baby Freed's. The smallest pair of pointe shoes one could find for display purposes.

"Oh my, those are adorable!" Nan gushed over the small slippers.

"Mathilde Kschessinka," Walter reads the book. "He should have bought you the movie instead," he said under his breath, still bitter about the whole situation.

"I do read occasionally," I take the book away from him in a huff. I pick up my phone, deciding to thank Ken for the gift straight away.

I toss my phone aside as I decide to try on the boots, they fit almost perfectly as I swish my feet around. They didn't feel too tight.

My phone buzzes on and off over the course of the morning. Olivia's name pops up wishing me a Merry Christmas, a few friends from Ballet and of course Ken popping in.

Merry Christmas, glad you like the book =) I hope one day our daughter can watch you dance on stage.

The day got livelier at Joy and Jem came around. Joy with Matt as they had the boys on boxing day this year, while Jem had brought Faith.

Joy smiled and hugged everyone before landing on me.

"How are you feeling?" Joy asks pulling me into a hug.

"You know you don't have to ask that every time you see me," I tell Joy who gives a look that told me to don't question her questions. "I'm fine despite that it just dawned on me that I actually have to give birth to this baby."

"You didn't think of that, what five months ago?" Joy laughed

I shrug at her. "I guess not, or maybe I didn't realize that Ken was a nine-pound gigantic baby. He's over six feet and I'm only five feet four inches," I mutter.

"Well, it's only going to get more interesting for you when you read those books about childbirth." Joy tells me patting me on the head. I make a face, the more the baby grows the more I worry about what will happen downstairs. "But here's your gift," Joy says passing me over my wrapped box. I take it as I sit down on the couch wearing my new dress and boots now that company was over.

I tear it open and find a music box that depicted Clara and her nutcracker.

"It's beautiful," I say in awe as I turn the key and hear the familiar music. "Thank you," I say as I choke back some tears. "I'm sorry."

"You're allowed to cry," Joy laughs as she hands me a box of tissue. "It's not like you can help it."

"True," I laugh through my tears.

"I should tell you that Matt saw it and pick it out for you" Joy added looking at her husband who smiled back at her. I look to Matt with a fresh set of tears.

"Thank you!" I sob I get up and gave him a large hug. Matt hugs me back.

"It was nothing, I saw and told Joy about it and bought it," Matt says with a shrug.

When I sit back down, Jem hands me a small rectangular box with a smile on his face.

"Open it," he said grinning. I pull off the paper, I look at him in shock.

"It's not crazy expensive, so don't panic it was pretty much within the price range we all set upon," he says encouraging me to open it. Which I do, as I gasp looking between him and the necklace. Clearly, this was more than the agreed-upon budget,

"It's an Evenstar," I say breathlessly. I gather myself up and pull him into a hug, my tears and snot soaking his shirt, before hugging Faith. Knowing she must have helped him. Jem motions for me to sit in front of him and he puts on the necklace for me. The Evenstar was a necklace from the Lord of the Rings Movies that Aragorn give Arwen, it was truly a magical gift as they were harder to come by these days as the movie got older.

"Don't lose it," he said gruffly. "I want that passed down to my niece one day."

"Okay, how much did you spend on this if you want me to pass it down god knows when?" I ask him.

Jem just shrugs and smiles. "What's the point of a gift if I tell you?" He says.

"I'll never take it off," I tell him and hug him once more kissing his cheek beaming.

I made sure that everyone was asleep and Dad was at the hospital for his shift when I went over to the bookcase that mom had gone to earlier. I picked out the album, flipping through it until I saw it.

It only made me wonder more what this little one would look like as I saw a picture of Ken in what appeared to be his hospital photo. Would it have dark hair like his or red like mine? I look out the photo to study it closer. There were two of them, on hiding behind the other, I put it off to the side as I place the other into its spot. I go searching for another album, my own baby album that Mom had made for each of us children.

I find my own hospital photo, big eyes and chubby cheeks with fine red hair that had yet to go curly. I take one of the spares mom had in the album. Meaning to study them both in the privacy of my room when I went back upstairs.

I sink down on my bed, snapping a photo of the photos side by side on my bed, and I send it to Olivia.

Apparently, the chances of this big baby ruining my body and my lady bits are high. Apparently, Ken (who is on the left) was 21 inches long and 9lbs. FML

I hope every enjoyed seeing Nan, Di and Joy, as well as all the others of course!

Tina.