Forever Is Composed of Now's:
Thunder clapped loudly in the distance, although it was a faint whisper compared to the overpowering thud thud thud of my heartbeat. Adrenaline circulated throughout my body like a drug had been introduced to my system and a mixture of anger, fear and excitement causing my hands to shake furiously. I clenched my hands tightly into fists at my side as I stomped down the familiar darkened corridor, purposely ignoring the heavy footsteps that followed me from a distance but close enough that I could feel their lingering presence.
I slid open the front door to the loft without even looking over my shoulder at its owner, delighting in the loid slam that echoed throughout the otherwise silent room. A flash of lightning illuminated the darkened room as it reflected through the large wall of windows, leaving only the moonlight to cast an ominous glow in its wake.
I stalked further into the familiar room, taking in the stack of magazines and empty coffee mug that I had left on the coffee table during my last visit. After Derek had left Beacon Hills the loft become my sanctuary away from everyone; it became a place where I didn't have to act strong or infallible but somewhere that I could relax and read or study or meditate without anyone wanting something me, even it was just my company.
"Why are you here?" I demanded to know in a hard tone as I spun around to face him with a blank expression on my face, unwilling to let him know that his mere presence was disconcerting and causing my body to contradict what my mind was telling me to do.
"This is my loft." Derek answered softly in a teasing tone, his voice hesitant like he wasn't sure whether or not his quip would be appreciated as he stuffed his hands into his pants pockets in what seemed like a nervous gesture.
"Not the loft, Derek." I stated clearly in an annoyed voice as I narrowed my eyes at him in frustration and he sighed heavily in defeat, his shoulders slumping slightly as I continued, "Beacon Hills. Why are you here in Beacon Hills?"
His soulful green eyes stared into me for a moment, scanning my features as though he was gazing at some long forgotten treasure and I quirked an eyebrow at him as I placed my hands on my hips. I tapped my foot impatiently as his lips twitched slightly in amusement, only adding to my ire and he tilted his head to the side as he informed me softly, "I got your phone call."
"Oh, the one where I told you I didn't want to see you?" I asked him sarcastically as I recalled the angry phone call I made to him the morning after my torture at the hands of the Dread Doctors. Warmth spread without my chest as he practically came running when I called him, but I couldn't determine whether it was hope or anger that weighed so heavily on my heart.
"The one where you were breaking into pieces." he corrected softly in a knowing tone like it wasn't ever up for debate and I couldn't stand the thought that he pitied me, that he saw my as some weak little girl, some porcelain doll.
Fury rolled through me like a tidal wave swiping over a beach as I gritted my teeth to the point of pain and a haze of red crossed my gaze as my closed fist slammed into his jaw with the full weight of my body behind it. Derek groaned in pain as his body stumbled back a few steps, his head lolling to the side under the pressure inflicted and a trail of blood ran from the corner of his mouth as he caught himself from falling. I didn't give him any time to recover as I gripped his shoulders tightly and brought my knee up to his stomach, causing him to slump over in agony before I released him with a satisfied grin. I walked back a few pace so that he could compose himself, my veins practically tingly with adrenaline and I laughed slightly as I raked my fingers through my hair to get it out of my face.
"Sophie…" he warned in a strained voice through gritted teeth as he straightened up and I licked my lips in anticipation as he held up his hands in surrender, obviously recognising the bloodlust in my eyes from previous sparring sessions. That was one benefit to fighting with another werewolf, I never had to hold back my strength because I knew that they could handle it and what they couldn't handle would heal.
My heart thudded rampantly in my chest as I curled my hands into fists in front of me while bouncing on my toes slightly and Derek tilted his head in warning as he narrowed his eyes at me as though he could read the thoughts going through my head. A small smile played on my lips as I aimed a punch to his face but he brought his arm up to block the movement with his forearm and I countered by using my other hand to land a jab to his abdomen before moving out of reach. Almost immediately I launched another punch towards his face but he saw it coming and stepped back so that it was just a glancing blow to his jaw. I booted foot slammed into his stomach, causing him to stumble backwards but he quickly composed himself and blocked the next punch that I aimed at him by grabbing my wrist. I immediately spun around so my back was to his chest and used the momentum to break his hold on my wrist as I stomped down on his instep before elbowing him in the stomach with all of my strength. I spun back out of his grasp as I brought my fists back up to my chest in a fighting stance, my breathing heavy from adrenaline rather than exertion.
Some of the tension that I had been carrying on my shoulders seemed to fade away and it occurred to me that I hadn't had a good workout session in weeks because I had been so busy and no one in the pack was up to my calibre when it came to hand-to-hand combat. Endorphins flooded through my veins, causing me to grin in a manner that was probably a little too gleeful for getting into a physical confrontation with your ex.
"Sophie, stop." Derek demanded in a stern tone as he held one hand out in front him, bracing his feet as though he knew that I wouldn't listen to him and he was preparing to ward off an oncoming attack. A scoff escaped my lips as I launched my leg out to kick him in the side but he grabbed my calf before it could make contact and I immediately jumped in the air, twisting my body so that my free foot hit his jaw before. The strength of my blow caused him to drop his hold on my leg as he stumbled backwards in shock and I landed perfectly in a crouch with my back facing him. I turned around as I aimed a right hook towards him but he blocked the shot with his forearm and instinctively knocked his fist against my jaw in defence, causing me to stumble backwards. I merely wiped the blood from my mouth as I eyed him with renewed intensity but his eyes widened in surprise at his own move and a look of recognition crossed his features when he saw my expression as he protested firmly, "No, Sophie. Stop. I'm not doing this with you."
"You want to know what's been happening? You want to know what I've been through?" I asked rhetorically through gritted teeth as I launched a punch towards him with every few words, each attempt being expertly blocked until the last one made contact with his cheek. Derek glared at me for a moment as he spat blood on the floor but there was no real malice in his eyes and I knew that he would let me continue taking my frustrations out on him without any discontent. Tears stung my eyes as I dropped my hands to my sides, letting him see the pain and fear and anger that was sitting idle inside of me. "First I lost you. It was suffocating! It was like losing Aiden all over again. Except this time I couldn't run from it. I couldn't run away because that pain...that pain was the only part of you I had left to hold on to. And after that it just got worse and worse! I have been lied to, and deceived. I have suffered through my love ones getting hurt right in front of me. I've been traumatised, and kidnapped by faceless monsters. I've been experimented on. I have nightmares of blinding lights overhead, and machinery ringing in my ears. Sometimes I can still feel the knives cutting into my skin, and the chemicals burning my insides like acid. So, yes. Maybe I'm a little bit broken now, Derek. But I've earned that."
Anguish shone in his green eyes as he struggled to keep his expression blank, his fists curling and uncurling at his sides restlessly like it was taking all of his effort not to grab me in a tight embrace. I shook my head slightly as I sat down unceremoniously on the couch nearby, all of the fight drained out of me suddenly and I placed my head in my hands as I took a moment to steady my breathing. I felt him sit down next to me on other side of the couch and I turned my head slightly to look at him without lifting my head from my hands.
The sight of his profile was so familiar to me that it brought tears to my eyes and, despite my own doubts, I leaned over to lean my head on his shoulder. He stiffened slightly at the move but almost immediately melted against me as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, keeping me close to his side. My eyes fluttered closed of their own accord as the warmth of his familiar strong embrace encompassed me in a blanket of safety that I hadn't felt in so long.
"I'm so sick of being scared, Der." I muttered quietly into his shoulder with tears burning my eyes, able to finally let myself speak the words that had been ricocheting around in my mind for the last few weeks. "I'm scared for myself, and I'm scared for everyone around me. I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know how many people more I can lose before I start to lose myself."
I felt him shift slightly underneath me as he tightened his hold on me, allowing me to cling to his side like a child and I sniffled softly as he placed a lingering kiss to my hairline before speaking in a low voice, "Fear doesn't have to cripple you. It can make you strong. You only fear something when you have something worth losing. It gives you something to fight for when you don't think you have the strength to keep fighting."
"The pack's falling apart. Scott believed Theo over Stiles. Liam just tried to kill Scott. Lydia was taken to Eichen House. Malia has gone AWOL. And Scott hates me!" I choked out through uncontrollable sobs, despair flooding into my veins as I recalled the events leading up to the day in question. Tears rolled down my cheeks like waterfalls as my body shook with the strength of my sobs and Derek said nothing as he held my tightly against his chest, comforting me in the only way he could. He didn't ask any questions. He didn't pretend to know the outcome. He didn't whisper nonsense, soothing words that might not come to be.
Even in my inconsolable state, I felt a specific rush of adrenaline that came with being wrapped up in his arms, an illusion of safety that calmed the chaos in my mind, which stilled the typhoon of thoughts that threatened to steal my sanity. His familiar scent worked to calm me down until all of the tears were out of my system, cheeks wet and my eyes rimmed red but appearing much more together than I previously had.
I could feel the warmth of his breath of my lips as I looked up at him, a soft grateful smile on my lips and I wiped the stray tears from my cheeks with the tips of my fingers as he used his hand to do the same on the other side of my face. The familiar callouses on his hands were rough against my skin as I instinctively leaned into his touch and I tilted my head upwards almost subconsciously, brushing my lips against his gently in a soft caress. He inhaled sharply but didn't pull away as I reached up to cup one side of his face and brought his lips more firmly against mine in a tentative kiss. Derek slid his hand slowly down the side of my body; over my shoulder, down my collarbone and traced the curve of my waist until he came to rest on my hip. Spurred on by the loving touch, I swung my leg over his lap, straddling his thighs as I rested my hands on his broad shoulders for balance without removing my lips from his.
The feel of his lips moving over mine was everything in that moment; it was safety, it was peace, and hope, happiness and love, and I never wanted it to end. I slipped my hand under the collar of his shirt, relishing in the touch of his warm skin underneath my fingertips and his grasp on my hip tightened instinctively as I pulled back from the kiss when my lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen. I immediately lowered my lips to the underside of his jaw, pressing a series of opened mouth kisses to his skin and he hissed in pleasure as I sucked harshly before soothing the damaged skin with my tongue.
"Soph – Soph, stop…" he protested firmly as he pushed my shoulders so that my lips disconnected from his throat and I frowned in confusion as I sat back upright with an eyebrow raised in a questioning manner.
"What is it?" I asked him breathlessly as my gaze swept over his face searchingly, taking in his tense jawline and eyes that were darkened with unquenched lust.
Derek closed his eyes for a moment with a pained expression as I waited impatiently for him to compose himself and when he spoke his voice was strained with barely contained desire, "We can't do this."
"Because we're both blushing virgins?" I asked sarcastically in a dubious tone of voice as he opened his eyes to give me a pointed look and I merely quirked an eyebrow at him as I tried to suppress the smirk that threatened to creep across my lips.
"You're upset, Soph. You're not thinking straight."
"Yes, I'm upset. I'm angry, and sad, and confused, and a hundred other things that I can't even put into words, but I know my own mind, and I know I want you. Derek, I'll never stop wanting you. And that's fine. Der, we are infinite! Whether we're together or not, you and I are connected. Always. You're not someone that I could ever just get over. And yeah, I'm still pissed that you left me. But you're my best friend. And I know you want me to experience life, and not have any regrets so that I don't end up resenting you later, but I'm pretty sure you're the love of my life." I admitted softly with a sort of disbelieving laugh as tears burned my eyes and I reached up to cup his handsome face in my hands as he stared at me in awe with tears in his own eyes. "We may not be together right now, or in a month, or a year, or even five years! Or maybe we won't end up together at all because sometimes the love of your life isn't for life. And tomorrow I'll have to go back to reality and you'll be gone back to wherever it was you were. But at the moment, you're single, I'm single, and here we are."
I leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on his lips, sealing my declaration with the gesture and pulled back with a serene smile on my lips before continuing in a teasing tone of voice, "So, shut up and take your clothes off. You won't be needing them."
Smouldering lust replaced the devotion burning in his green eyes as he leaned forward to capture my lips in a passionate kiss and I eagerly returned the pressure as I ran my palms down his muscular chest to the hem of his shirt. The lingering space between our bodies disappeared as he placed his hand on the small of my back, urging forward until my breasts were pressed against his sculpted chest and I gasped in pleasure as I arched my back further into him. I felt him smirk into the kiss as the hand not on my back started making its way up my bare thigh and I groaned in satisfaction at the feel of his calloused hands on my smooth skin, the contradiction sending a shiver of pleasure through my core.
I growled in frustration as I pulled back from the kiss, wanting to feel more of his skin against mine and my breathing was laboured as I grabbed the hem of his shirt before pulling it off over his head. I smirked deviously as I leaned down to attach my lips to his collarbone, taking immense pleasure in the way to tightened his grip on my hips until it was almost painful. One of his hands found its way into my hair, his fingers twisting in my brunette strands and he forcibly lifted my head back up to his lips so he could press a searing kiss on them. My lips parted instinctively when he silently asked for entrance, allowing our tongues to tangle in an intimate dance and our movements were rushed and fervent, but there was an undercurrent of tenderness and a rawness that touched the centre of my heart.
My grip on his shoulders tightened instinctively when he abruptly stood up from the couch, his hands sliding underneath my thighs to keep me balanced in his arms and my legs wrapped around his waist in order stay upright. I pulled back from the kiss with a giggle as I threw my head back in delight and he mirrored my grin as he carried me towards the bedroom. My laughter only increased when he threw me onto the bed, causing me to bounce on the mattress a few times and he grabbed hold of my ankle as he pulled me towards him so my legs were dangled over the edge. I leant up on my elbows with a small frown as he knelt down in front of me and unzipped my boots before tossing them carelessly over his shoulder.
For the first time in weeks my heart wasn't plagued with guilt or worry, my mind wasn't endlessly trying to search for answers or loopholes. For the first time in weeks, I felt light and young. I felt like I used to before my life was completely immersed in the supernatural. My smile came easily, my laughter came freely, and in that moment I felt like nothing on the outside world could touch us.
Derek pressed a series of kisses along my ankle, up my calf until he reached my inner thigh and I squirmed restlessly as he abruptly stood up from the floor in front of me with a roughish grin on his lips. I looked up at him with a pout as he grabbed hold of my hands, intertwined our fingers together as he helped me sit up on the edge of the bed and I gazed up at him with a coy smile as he leaned down slightly to press a lingering kiss to my knuckles.
A familiar rush of heat flooded my stomach as I bit my lower lip to stifle a moan and I reached out to grab the belt loops of his jeans as I used my strength to propel him forward so that he landed on top of me. I quickly reversed our position so that I was straddling his lap once more as he blinked in surprise at the sudden movements but didn't protest and I pulled my blouse off over my head before tossing it over my shoulder to join my boots on the floor. I unhooked my lace bra before sliding it down my arms, smirking at the way his eyes instantly darkened with lust at the sight presented to him and I had to stifle my giggles as I shook my head at him in amused incredulousness.
"You've seen me naked literally a hundred times!" I exclaimed with a laugh as he sat up so that we were eye-to-eye and I tried to appear stern as I pursed my lips, my eyebrows furrowed together. he silently raised in eyebrow, completely unconvinced by my act as he slid his hand along my bare back like he was familiarising himself with my curves and contours.
"You're gorgeous." he told me softly as he cup my face with one hand so I was forced to look into his eyes, allowing me to see the complete sincerity in his gaze and I beamed back at him gratefully as I leaned in to kiss him sweetly on the lips.
A familiar warmth spread throughout my body as I lost myself in the feeling of Derek's lips on mine, of his hands grazing my bare back, of the addictive surge of adrenaline that came from being near him. It was moments like this that I was grateful that the two of us didn't need words to express our love for each other. I knew that he probably wouldn't be here tomorrow morning, and that I would be too busy to even feel saddened by his departure, but it was like I said to him before; Derek and I were infinite.