I breathed in the cool February air as I stepped out of school, heading towards the bus stop down the road so I could get to work. Suddenly I see her as I was putting in my headphone. I stopped walking, unsure of what to do. Why was she even here? Why was Maggie here, waiting outside of school for me?

"Please, I just want to apologize," she says as I try to pass her without looking at her.

"Apologize?" I say in disbelief.

"For what happened with your message," she said genuinely. "I never meant—,"

"But you did," I tell her I stress to her. "I went through hell, I lied to everyone for weeks and months. I thought— I thought he didn't care and it crushed me. He shouldn't have found out how he did."

"I know I am sorry for that, Ken and I talked this morning, more calmly this time and sorted out what happened." She told me, which made me believe that Ken told her that I had unfortunately overheard them. "I just feel like I should explain that when I saw your message I was jealous. I never worried about him with other girls before, but it makes sense because he was hesitant to start anything back up on the trip. Like most of the time, things go astray after a few months. I get bored easily and he seemed distant. It just wasn't the same, but we were on a trip and things just happened."

"Facebook though?" I spit out, blushing at admitting my own stalking. "It said…"

"That was just me being drunk," Maggie said shaking her head. "It barely lasted a day. When we got back to Canada, things just fell into their usual pattern with us. Meaning I did my thing, and he did his. It was all very normal until when I heard about him blowing off the interview. I was angry because I pulled some mega strings through my father to get him that interview. I ignored his attempts to contact me, and when I realized that he wasn't coming back and his phone number didn't work anymore. Well, I went through a list of friends, before someone actually knew where he was. When someone finally told me I came out here to figure out what was going on. I didn't expect, well I didn't expect this. He didn't owe me any sort of explanation, but he did try to give me one over Christmas and I didn't feel like listening to him. He's a good guy doing what he's doing," She tells me.

"I know," I tell her, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Well, I won't keep you," Maggie told me. "I just wanted to apologize, I truly didn't mean to hurt you."

I nod my head to her. "Thanks, I guess," I say awkwardly. "I have to get to work...so?"

"Oh, of course, I'm sorry," She says and I nod my head and make my way towards the bus stop. When I was far enough away I fish out my phone and hit Ken's number.

"I don't want you to do anything but, I just want you to know that Maggie found me after school today," I say into my phone. "She apologized and I guess explained her side of things," I add to the voicemail. "I'm heading to work now, I just wanted to let you know that," I tell him before hanging up.

I rush towards the bus stop, and wait for the bus, the driver looks at me when I pay my fare and look around for a spot. I find a spot and sit down with a sigh, pulling one of the many books mom had bought me to read. By the time I got to work, the sun was already setting as I open the door I kick the snow off my boots.

"Rilla!" Tessa calls out. "How are you today?"

"Besides feeling huge, all right I guess," I tell her as I hang up my jacket and dig into my bag for my shirt I packed to wear to work.

"You are far from huge, rules still apply. If you can't say something nice about yourself, I'll make you come up with three." She tells me in her best ballet mistress tone. I turn around and cup my ever-growing bump that has picked up pace since I wasn't allowed to dance which meant fewer burnt calories. It was a constant struggle now that Dad thought I was having problems gaining weight. It was like it was his mission to constantly offer me food and not taking no for an answer. "Still far from huge dear, from behind you would never even know. You're all belly."

"Well, I am going to change," I say holding up my shirt that was not my uniform polo," I tell her

"There is some fruit on the table in the green room, have some," She calls out to me as I go towards the bathroom.

I change and go pee and fluff up my hair before going to explore the fruit. I grab some grapes and strawberries and eat them as I check over the schedule.

"So there is a shipment of shoes waiting to be stocked. I placed it by the counter for you, if you need anything or help let me know," Tess told me when I came back into the showroom.

"Sounds good," I tell her with a smile, waving as she skips off to go teach the class.

I look at the box and grab that first pair and check the size and order number before cataloguing them. I went through the box, setting aside the custom order ones to call so they knew they had arrived.

When the stock shoes were put away, and customers called I sat down on the large exercise ball Tess had out in the showroom. Judging the room for a minute, tutu's could be rearranged and tidied, and the leotards seemed to be out of order.

I sat for another moment before I heard the door hit the chime.

"Hi! We looking for anything today?" I ask getting up and hiding back behind the counter.

"Yes I need a new pair of slippers and tight for my daughter," she says.

"Have you shopped here before? Do you know what size she needs?" I asked, hitting the mouse of the computer to bring it back to life.

"I have it written down somewhere," the older woman says digging in her purse. "Childs small for tights, and a size 2 in the daisy shoe," she said.

I nod my head before heading towards the rack of tights. "Ballet pink or skin tone?" I ask her, and I can see her looking me over.

"Oh, pink please, shoes as well," she said blushing as she everts her eyes from me. I grab pink ballet slippers and walk back to the counter.

"When are you due?" She asked hesitantly.

"May," I tell her automatically as I scan her purchases and ring them up. "32.60, is the total."

"Debit, please," She says. "I never thought ballet would be so expensive."

"Well, it only will get worse if she sticks with it," I tell her. "Though I am sure my parents would have plunked down the 30k of tuition and dorms if they knew it would keep this from happening?" I joke and she stands there unsure of what to say. "Do you wish to make a file for your child? We can keep track of her sizes and shoe styles if you ever forget?" I ask her.

"Please," she says nodding her head. "You used to be part of the intermediate division, you did that solo at the recital?"

"I did the Blue Bird variation from Sleeping beauty." I nod my head and run through basic name information and set her up with an account.

"My daughter was in the edge of her seat, she kept looking for you at the Christmas show, she loved your red hair." The mom goes on.

"Well, if you don't mind the question that will inevitable come from her mouth about why I'm not a pretty dancer right now. I will be more than happy to sign a pair of pointe shoes for her," I tell her mother.

"I'll keep that in mind, thank you have a good night and good luck," she said motioning to my stomach.

I smile at her and watch her leave, I sigh and decide to start organizing things. I helped customers as they came in. At one point my back was killing me I moved myself to the barre. Using gravity to try and take some of the pressure and stretch out my back and hips.

"You're not supposed to be doing that," Ken says from the doorway. "I rather not tattle on you to the doctor."

"I'm just stretching out my back, you try carrying around 20 pounds around and not have a sore back. What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"I was driving home and thought I would stop by to say hello," he says with a shrug.

"Driving from where?" I ask him as I lean forward, letting gravity take hold as I grasped the barre.

"Well, I drove Maggie back to the airport," he said looking around the store. "We talked some more, and she told me what she apologized to you."

I only nod my head not wanting to think about them, or her in general. "Anyway, I was wondering if you needed a ride home? Need anything, did you eat dinner?" He asks me.

"Mom should be picking me up and I'll have dinner at home. As for the rest, I would love for this to be over with," I roll my eyes,

"You're only twelve weeks away at this point," he points out.

"Three months Ken, three months is a long time when you can't even see your feet," I stress to him.

"Well, I won't bother you then," he says with a nod of his head.

"We still on for Saturday?" I ask him quickly. Meaning I, helping him dive into the boxes that Leslie had sent to him.

Ken nods his head. "Of course," he says. "Let me know when you want to come over," he tells me. "I'll be helping my cousin with a shoot tomorrow, so if it takes me a while to reply or call back. I'm just working."

"I'll remember that," I say with a smile. "Have a good night," I tell him.

"You as well," he says before leaving the store. I sigh and go back cleaning up a few areas. By the time I got home, I was exhausted I shrugged off dinner saying I wasn't hungry and just wanted to sleep and that I had some fruit and vegetables at work.

The rest of the week went by slow, or it felt slow. This semester was fairly easy, I had music class, grade 11 math, French and English class this semester. Olivia is in the majority of my classes which made school more interesting. We both played the flute in music, and we're in history and English together. Math was slightly easier this time around as it was more practical math and not the headache-inducing math that I endured.

After I finished work on Saturday I caught the bus back to Glen, getting off at Kens instead of home.

"I made us some lunch," he said as he unlocked the door for me after buzzing me in. I see plates of salad on the table with two sandwiches, on looking like cucumber and tomato and tomato for me, while his has some sort of meat on it.

I smile at him and take a seat, he seems in a better mood than previous.

"You know, sometimes I wonder where you hide all the regular college food that you must have around here."

"I mostly eat that during the week when you're not around," He tells him with a grin and I shake my head at him

"So how was your morning?" I ask him.

"It was good, actually I got another job interview. It's with the university, they have a couple of heritage sites that need some archival help," He says grinning. "It's a bit of a solitary type of job, more office work which I don't think I will mind."

"When do you interview for it?" I ask him taking a bite of the sandwich he made me.

"Monday," he told me biting into his own. "I should be fine for your appointment though," he adds on.

"It's just a check-up," I tell him. "Nothing new or crazy, if you can't make it I can get either take the bus or have mom bring me."

"I know, but I like being there," he said looking at me. I nod my head to him and we finish lunch, I notice he leaves his salad, where I polish mine off before I even finish my sandwich.

"So what do you want to start with?" I ask him looking at the boxes that were piling up.

"Well, I got together a small dresser last night, and my cousin helped with the crib," he said leading me into the small spare room to show me. It was all white with some pink accents, Leslie's doing most likely

"Well, let's see what she sent then?" I say to him, not sure what to do. I settle down on the floor and he hands me a pair of scissors, before turning on the stereo that was connected to his iPod before we get to work. It turned out to be a bunch of things, things mom had stocked upon as well. Receiving blankets, little socks and sleepers. Baby bath time kits that had shampoo and lotion and nail clippers. A pad to change the baby on with cornstarch baby powder and diaper rash cream. Small toys and sheets for the crib.

By the end of it, I was yawning as he sorted the boxes for recycling. I hold my hands out to him when I realize that getting up was going to be harder said than down. Ken smiles slightly and grasps my hands and pulls me up. "I'll be back," I tell him as I walk towards the small bathroom. I go pee for what seems like the millionth time since this morning. When I come out the mess is cleared away and I sit on the couch watching him organize a few things.

"Hey, come see this," I tell him he looks back to me and steps a touch closer. "Do you see it?" I ask him, meaning as you could see the skin of my bump move and jump in places.

"What is she doing in there?" He asks sitting down next to me.

"It feels like she playing soccer," I tell him honestly. "Here," I take his arm and settle it on one of the more active spots.

"I don't think that will ever get old," he says shaking his head. "How did your ballet friends take to the news?" He asks as he feels her kick around.

"A lot of them were surprised, they asked some questions about you and what it meant for the dance itself," I tell him. "I didn't say much about you, and said the future is always unfolding so who knows what will happen."

Ken nods. "Most of mine are shocked, I just mostly say you're an old family friend to keep it easy right now," he tells me. "If their older friends I give them more details, apparently none of them ever thought of me as a father so it's a mind-bender for them."

"I don't either of us pictured each other in such roles," I agree with him, my ears picking up the music in the background. "Jimmy Eat World," I say recognizing the band.

"You know Jimmy Eat World?" He says looking up at me surprised.

"I have plenty of older siblings who have passed down CDs to me." I give him an 'are you serious' look. "I may not watch a lot of T.V, but I know music," I tell him.

"Fair enough," he said smiling as I yawn.

"Do you want to go home?" He asked looking at the clock. I didn't have to be home for another few hours. I shake my head, not wanting to.

"Can I just have a nap here?" I ask. "I rather not deal with home if I don't have to."

"Of course," Ken said slowly. "Use the bed if you want," he told me.

"Uhh," I say. "Can I have my stomach back?" I ask him as his hand is still across it, exactly where I had put it.

"Oh right!" Ken said quickly taking back his hand, flushing rather bright red. "The sheets are clean." He told me hurriedly. "Well, sort of, I washed them the other day."

"Already better than Shirley or Jem," I tell him with a smile as I stand up and stretch out my back. "You don't mind me taking a nap?" I ask him again.

"Go nap, I have some work to do," he told me as he motioned to his laptop. I nodded and made my way to the one bedroom. I laid down and pulled the spare blanket over myself. It smelled like him which brought back many memories.

I don't know what thought I was on when I work up to soft strumming. Disorientated I looked around the darkroom, I laid there and just listen as the longer it went on, the more I realized it had to be Ken playing the guitar. Some of the songs I knewr and some of them were him just messing around as softly as he could. One could say it would be rude to play while someone was sleeping, but I could sleep through Shirley practicing piano. It didn't bother me as I loved listening to any sort of music.

He faded into a new song, one I recognized as soon as I heard him start singing.

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live,
Not stopping

I lay back down, rubbing our child in lazy circles as I count her kicks as I listen to him. I know this song, the further he gets into it, I can hear the lyrics and the original in my head. He still carries the regret in him. More than I think he should as it wasn't just him that night that lead to that awkward morning where I did up my bra with my back turned to him. How he tried to make the situation right, how he tried to make sure I got home safe. How different would it be if I hadn't been late, or if the test had been negative? I suppose we will never know now.

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me as you do
No one else will have me, only you

His voice was something I didn't expect, but it was full of emotion. A jumble of feeling that came from the situation we had found ourselves in. In many ways, I can see him thinking about the baby as he plays parts of this song because she was the one thing that belonged to him.

She was ours, she was his. She will be his daughter, and her Father which is rather an unbreakable bond I am learning.

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for
I'm here I'm now, I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
Amazing still it seems
I'll be twenty-three
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

He was almost twenty-three. I can understand the pull to the song for him now. I can only hope that we manage to give her a life that is filled with love. That our regrets will fade as we both grow older. I'm not sure if we are ready for this, but it was going to happen even if we aren't. I laid in bed for another moment as I listened to him, letting it lull me back to sleep.

When I wake up again it's not much later, but I finally pull myself up from the bed rubbing my eyes. I stumble out of his room and down the short hallway.

"Sleeping beauty is awake," he says looking up from his spot.

"So it seems," I say. "May I?" I ask him motioning to his guitar, and he nods.

I play around with the few chords I learned back in school.

"I didn't know you could play," he said watching me.

"I can't really, I tried a few years back in school, but it didn't really take," I tell him with a small laugh. "Though I can play the flute, decently well," I tell him. "A bit of piano as well, but I am nowhere near Shirley's accomplishment. How long have you been playing?" I ask him, refusing to look at him while he tried to figure out if I heard him earlier.

"Most of my life," Ken said as he motioned for the guitar back. It takes me a moment before I recognize the song.

Your just a small bump I, in four-month you're brought to life
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your Mothers' eyes
I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can
But for now, you're a scan of my unmade plans

As he sings I wonder if it is ironic that he was playing Ed Sheeran when another one of his songs had brought us together that night?

I'll hold you tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
You are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight
Oh you are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight

You're just a small bump unknown and you'll grow into your skin
With a smile like mine and a dimple beneath your chin
Fingernails the size of a half grain of rice
And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide a small bump,
In four months you'll open your eyes

I join in softly, letting the lyrics tumble from my lips as he goes through the chorus once more, it's more of a whisper

You can lie with me, with your tiny feet when your half asleep,
I'll leave you be
Right in front of me for a couple weeks
So I can keep you safe

He doesn't play the ending, letting it fade out before he looked up at me.

"Here I thought I was the only one that one that listened to that song," I say quietly breaking the silence as he opens his eyes. "It's frightening isn't it, how surreal it can be at times? I'm sorry that this happened."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he said after a short moment. "I'm just as much as fault for it, though another song of his was playing that night wasn't it?"

I only nod my head thinking back to whatever song had been playing.

"She likes your voice," I tell him as I sit there with my hands resting against my stomach.

"We really need a name for her," he says as he plucks a few strings here and there. Not playing fully, but enough to keep up a melody.

I shrug, I am far from worried at the moment. "I'm pretty much at a loss, as much as I love Eowyn, there is little way to spell it that is not, well Tolkien," I tell him truthfully. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Alexandria?" He says and I scrunch up my nose and shake my head. "Jordan?"

"Aren't those names of places in Egypt?" I ask him and he chuckles.

"I loved it there," he says smiling with a small shrug. "Though you're wanting to name her from a series. You can't mock me for doing something of the same thing," He tells me with a smirk.

"Olivia jokes saying I can always name her after her. I told her if I named her Jamie which is her middle name, Jem might think it was for him! James, Jamie," I tell Ken with a laugh as I play with my Evenstar that I was still wearing that Jem got me. "Can't have that."

"We'll leave Jem to name his own kids after himself," Ken chuckled.

"I have somewhat of a name, but I'm not sure if it will work or not," I tell him truthfully.

"What is it?" He asks me.

"Owen," I tell him bravely. "I used to say Eowyn, as Eh-Owe-in and not the proper way."

"That's my father's name," he says, suddenly understanding why I wasn't sure if he would go for it.

"It's foolish I know," I say flushing and pushing myself up to my feet as I hear my phone ring in my purse.

"I didn't say I didn't like it," Ken places the guitar aside and stands up. "I just never thought of it as a girl's name."

"Either way, saying it out loud made me think of how silly the idea even was," I shake my head to him, and read the text my parents had sent me. "I should get home before they blow a gasket," I tell him.

Ken nods his head and grabs his car keys, "I'll drive you."

Song lyrics within this chapter, that do not belong to me, but make me feel many things when it comes to this chapter.
23 -Jimmy Eat World
Small Bump Ed Sheeran

Hope everyone had a good week! Thank you all for the lovely comments from the previous chapter. I can't believe that I am on Chapter 19 already! Where has the time gone since I began posting this!