CH. 5: Willing to Wait Forever
Tayler and the Reagan's were still working in the basement, when Linda returned from picking up takeout, and called everyone to the table for dinner. Jack and Sean were the first ones in the kitchen, after fleeing the basement, as fast as they could. Rewarding them with the task of setting the table. Jamie and Danny were the only ones sitting, when Tayler found a vacant seat. Linda came and sat down next to her, and shortly after, Jack and Sean approached the table. Jack sat down, but Sean just stood there, staring at his half-sister.
"You're in my seat," Sean said unhappily.
"Sean," Linda corrected him.
"Sorry," Tayler was quick to stand, and move to the one other vacant seat, next to Danny.
Linda sounded as if she was going to stop Tayler from moving, but she didn't even have a chance, before Tayler was up and sitting in a new seat.
"It wouldn't have hurt you to sit in a different seat," Linda chastised her son gently. "Now apologize for being rude."
"Sorry Tayler," Sean grumbled.
Jack blessed the food, and a few minutes later. They were digging into the boxes of takeout. Linda noticed, Tayler was hesitant to reach out for anything, so she started to take matters into her own hands, and hand her daughter the boxes of takeout directly. After a few minutes, Tayler had a plate full, and didn't have a choice but to start eating. After taking several bites, Tayler started to get thirsty, when she realized her glass was empty. The pitcher of water, was sitting in front of Jamie. And as much as she didn't want to say anything, her mouth was so dry, she knew she had to force herself to ask him for it.
"Officer Reagan," Tayler remembered, Sean asking him if he arrested anyone that day. Making her think he was a cop. "Can you pass me the water please?"
"I will, but you have to start calling me Uncle Jamie or Jamie." Jamie handed her the pitcher.
"Why?"
Danny, Linda and Jamie stopped eating, and exchanged confused glances. Surprised by her question.
Jamie knew, he had to be the one to answer, but he was having trouble, finding the right words to say. "Because you are living with my brother and sister in law. Which means we're going to be seeing one another weekly. And I think that requires something a little more informal. Don't you?"
"I guess so," Tayler wasn't sure what else to say. Just thankful for the glass of water, so she could finish eating. She didn't know her stepfathers brother, and she had only been around him for an hour or so downstairs. But from what she knew about him, she liked. He seemed nice, easy going, and even funny. And her half-brothers, certainly seemed to enjoy being around him.
Then again, she didn't necessarily care for her half-brothers. So, if it was someone they liked, that certainly made her wonder. She had always been an only child and was never used to being around other kids at home. Especially boys that were younger than her, whom she had nothing in common with. All except the same mother, that is.
XXXXXXXX
There wasn't much they could do the following day in the basement, at least not until Danny and Jamie got there after their tours. Making Linda decide to try and go through all the boxes the boys carried out of the basement the day before. There was still so much that needed to be done in the house, as well as so much they needed to do before they truly became one family. Yet there was even more they needed to do, before Tayler felt comfortable with them. She and Danny, had yet to discuss the family rules with her. Look through Tayler's school and medical records, before finally getting her enrolled in school. And then the ultimate challenge, family dinner with the Reagans. It wasn't the Reagan's, however that she was worried about. It was Tayler that posed the problem. She knew the Reagan's would be welcoming, Tayler's behavior on the other hand, wouldn't be. These, among other concerns were filling Linda's mind. When her sons came down the stairs, and her daughter came up from the basement for breakfast. They were busy working on their bowls of cereal, when Jack spoke up.
"Do we have to work in the basement again today?" Jack didn't sound as if he was looking forward to it.
"We do tonight, when your Dad and Uncle get here," Linda's tone, indicated, that she had zero sympathy for him.
"What are we doing till then?" Sean wondered. "Can we play video games?"
"Not all day," Linda shook her head. Although she was willing to let them play for a little while that day. At least while she tried to talk to Tayler a bit more about her past. She knew how much it helped Tayler open up the day before, when she showed her, her baby picture. And she was hoping to do it again today. So, her daughter would start to understand where she was coming from. She didn't want to just bring it up, knowing Tayler didn't respond well, to conversations she tried to have with her, and instead would just pretend to listen, when in reality, she was literally shutting her out. She didn't know how she was going to do it. But that didn't keep her from racking her brain to come up with an idea, in between answering the questions her sons kept firing at her.
"You three can play a game or something," Linda offered. "I'm going to start going through all of mine and dads old stuff, for when we were younger."
"Yeah because your old," Sean teased.
"I'm not too old to go into the living room and unplug your game console and lock it in dads safe." Linda smiled at him satisfactory.
"Did I mention, that you still look as young as ever," Sean grinned at her.
"Good save Sean," Jack laughed out loud.
Tayler didn't say anything, then again Linda didn't really expect her to. Silence was something she was growing accustomed to, when it came to her daughter. She was hoping that eventually, the ice would break around her daughter, and she would turn into a kid that talked and talked. Even though Tayler didn't say anything, Linda did notice, a look of interest cross her daughters face, when she heard Linda say something about going through things from her past. The look, even though it was slight. Gave Linda hope, that Tayler would be interested enough to voice a question, and allow her to tell her what happened between she and Tim. And later about how her life changed, when she and Danny married.
The boys were quick to run outside, just as soon as breakfast was over, so they could kick the soccer ball around, and start practicing before school started, where they hoped to make the soccer team.
After loading the dishwasher, Linda planned to go upstairs and into her room, where they had stacks of boxes lined up against the wall.
Tayler was still sitting at the table, unsure of what to do. She didn't like socializing with her half-brothers, not getting along with them just yet. So, going outside, was out. The basement was a mess, and with it still under construction, that made getting unpacked impossible. She had finished the jobs she had been assigned the night before, making her day, relatively open for anything. Unfortunately, for someone who wasn't use to having a mother and brothers around. And spent countless hours alone, at her home. Doing what she wanted, like watching TV and listening to music, and having the run of the house. Made things exceptionally difficult for her. For one, she was living with people who seemed to be wanting to make decisions for her. Secondly, they seemed to be around all the time. Thirdly, she had no idea how she was going to pass the time. Being uneasy about picking up the television remote or touching anything that didn't belong to her. She knew Danny and Linda had never told her anything and was doing their best to make her feel welcome. But even then, she was the happiest when she was allowed to escape to the basement alone, making it feel as if it was her safe haven. Even if it wasn't anywhere near set up with her belongings, or decorated with the things Linda purchased for her.
"You can watch TV if you'd like?" Linda offered, despite the fact she was seriously hoping she would decline, and eventually curiosity would win out, and she would trail along behind her, and join her upstairs. Linda knew that eventually she would have to set a time limit, on how much screen time she was allowed, the same as she did with her boys. But she figured that now, was a little premature, to do so. Considering she had yet to discuss any rules with her yet. And limiting something she knew her daughter loved to do, wasn't a good place to start in forging a relationship. At least she didn't think so, considering she had never taken on the task of having to set rules for a child she didn't know, yet was her daughter. It was different with her boys. She had been raising them since they were born, so setting down limits and explaining to them, with the fear they were going to get upset, was never a concern for her. Then again, she also had Danny to help her, in enforcing the rules. And all he usually had to tell them, was to listen to their mother, and they did whatever they were asked without argument. Something she hoped, Tayler would learn to do. After she started to accept them as her parents. She didn't know how long it would take, but she was willing to wait forever.
"Are you sure there isn't anything Danny wants done in the basement?" Tayler wanted to make sure she did her part. Especially when it came to something they were doing for her.
"Not right now," Linda shook her head. "But I know there will be, when he and Jamie get here. So, if I were you, I'd enjoy my time off." Linda handed her the remote to the television.
"Thanks," Tayler accepted it. Although she waited until after Linda was upstairs, to turn it on.
Her mind had been on everything she had been told the day before about when she was a baby. And she couldn't help but be confused regarding the woman's motives. When she spoke to her, her voice sounded so loving. But how could you love someone you didn't know? Tayler was confused by her mother's behavior, and everything she said. Sure, she figured her mother loved her when she was a baby and was still living with her. But that was just natural wasn't it? Who didn't love a baby? Especially when that person carried you inside them.
She didn't really feel like watching TV right then. Which was an entirely new feeling to her. She always felt like watching TV. And what made it even harder, was the fact that she hadn't been able to watch any, ever since the detectives came and took her to family services. The TV was on, but Tayler wasn't really paying attention to it. She just couldn't, not when her mind was on what her mother said at the breakfast table about going through things from her past. Something Tayler was dying to know something about. She knew her mother invited her to join her. But for the life of her, she wasn't sure if she had the courage to go up and ask her. She wasn't in the habit of talking to adults, especially when they were your own family. She learned how to stay quiet from her father. She and him, never had much to talk about. Even when he was home. Then again, they really didn't have to. There wasn't anything to talk about. Sure, he would tell her to go to bed occasionally. Ask her how school was and tell her that he would probably be working late the following night, so she would need to remember to go to bed on time. Sometimes he would even come in from work and sit on the couch and watch tv with her. As much fun as that was, they still wouldn't talk though. Making her level of conversational skills limited.
Tayler set the remote down and walked over to the foot of the stairs. After standing there, for what seemed like an eternity. She finally summed up the courage to take the first step. She wasn't sure where the courage came from. But she had a feeling it came from the repeating of the phrase, "JUST DO IT," in her head. She didn't like walking around the house. She felt very uncomfortable in fact. Being afraid she would get accused of snooping. She knew that feeling all too well, after never being allowed to walk into her father's bedroom or office without permission. For the longest she didn't know why, at least not until after his passing, and Danny told her the truth about the Valdez crime family.
She had just reached the open door to her new parent's bedroom, but hesitated to walk in.
"You can come in," Linda looked up, when she noticed her daughter. "Your brothers come in here all the time."
"That's okay," Tayler was beginning to regret her decision almost immediately. "I don't want to bother you." She, was seriously beginning to wish she wasn't so intrigued, by her mother's story.
"You can't be any more of a bother than my sons are." Linda assured her. "And they are in here all the time."
"And you don't mind?" Tayler took a few steps inside.
"No," Linda smiled. "Not as long as they don't make a mess, and play with things, they know not to mess with."
"You really love them, don't you?" Tayler was beginning to realize.
"I love all my children," Linda said pointedly. Hoping Tayler, would understand, that she meant her as well.
"Even though you were upset, when the boys got in trouble yesterday?" Tayler questioned, trying to get a deeper look, into her mother's understanding.
"Kids get in trouble, it's part of growing up." Linda shrugged. "I may not be happy when they do something wrong and punish them for it. But it's because I love them, that I discipline them. I want my children, to be the best they can be." She admitted. "But no matter what kind of wrong my children do. I will always love them."
"I can see that," Tayler started to walk out again.
"Come sit next to me," Linda patted the floor next to her. Where she sat, looking through the box in front of her.
"Are you sure I won't bother you?" Tayler asked clarifying.
"The opposite, I'm glad you came up here." Linda pulled her high school year book out from the box.
"Oh, I haven't seen this in years," Linda opened it, and started to look at the pictures.
"This is me," Linda pointed herself out.
"Who's the guy you're with?" Tayler laughed.
"That's your stepfather," Linda enlightened her.
"Really? You knew him back then?" Tayler sounded curious. Grateful she had the courage to come up the stairs and decided to stay.
"Danny and I dated when we were in high school," Linda remembered her high school years with a smile.
"But if you dated Danny back in high school, how did you meet my Dad? Why didn't you just marry Danny, right after high school?" Tayler had to admit, she was a little confused.
"I don't know," Linda admitted. "We just kind of split ways, I guess you could say. After graduation, Danny joined the marines and I was planning on nursing school."
"But?" Tayler was hoping she could get a little more from her mother. Her mother seemed open about it, Tayler noticed, but she wasn't willing to push and pry if her mother turned silent.
"I met your dad at the university, soon later." Linda got started on her grown up part of life. "Tim was close to graduating, and had a job already lined up in Plattsburgh.
"What happened then?" Tayler was glad, she was getting to the part about her father. Considering her parents split when she was very young, it left her knowledge on the subject lacking.
"He asked me to go with him," Linda shrugged. "And I loved him, so I went."
"You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to," Tayler spoke up after a few moments of quiet. "It's none of my business. But we're there any good times? Even though things between you didn't last long."
"Yes," Linda said honestly. Even managing, to crack a small smile, when she thought about it. "You're testimony to that."
"Thanks," Tayler was grateful to know that Linda did still think about her daughter's father in a slight amount of good.
"Things were good for a while," Linda took a deep breath. "But as time went on, we started to drift apart. "I was taking care of you all day, and your dad, was working all the time. I was so desperate for adult interaction, by the end of the day. But when your Dad would come home. We wouldn't talk, and he started to act as if I was either in the way, pestering him, and just trying to get him to put a little more effort into our family. I tried to get him to work through it for your sake, by getting us family counseling. But he would either refuse or take no interest whatsoever."
"I'm sorry," Tayler apologized.
"Don't apologize Tayler, none of this was your fault." Linda wanted to be sure and clarify. Not wanting her daughter to feel guilty, about something she had no control over. "Sometimes two people aren't meant to live with one another, that's all." Linda again, tried to simplify the reason for her departure.
Tayler wasn't certain, still thinking she was partly to blame. But she was afraid to voice her faults to her mother. Afraid that she wouldn't tell her anything more, and Tayler was left in the dark, regarding her parent's previous life.
"Was I a difficult baby?" Tayler thought, that would be a question she could get answered. And depending on the answer, it would help clarify, whether she really was to blame.
"Not at all," Linda smiled. "Sure, you cried, when you wanted to be changed, held, or was hungry. But other than that, you were a typical happy baby."
"Did Dad help take care of me?" Tayler wasn't sure if she should ask, but something inside her voiced the question, needing to know the truth.
Linda took a deep breath, not sure if she should give an honest answer. She never was one to lie, but part of her considered it, simply to help protect Tim's image, in his daughter's eyes. But even with this in mind, Linda didn't think that lying was the right decision on her part. Knowing that Tayler had yet to trust her, and she was afraid that if she lied, and Tayler found out, it would hinder the mother/daughter relationship, that Linda was longing for.
"Not really," Linda said hesitantly. "I took care of you during the day and got up with you at night."
"Did Dad not like me when I was a baby?" Tayler wondered.
"Of course, he liked you, you were his child. It's just some people aren't baby people, and they don't know how to take are of little, crying humans."
Tayler smiled, at the way her mother described babies. And she was glad to hear that her father did like her.
"What happened after that?" Tayler knew they were getting close to the part of the story, where Linda left.
"By the time you were a toddler, I was exhausted of being a single parent, and the only one trying to keep a relationship going with your father. I really thought I was the only one trying, because everything I suggested that we do, Tim refused. I don't know if it was because he was happy with the way things were, or the fact that he just didn't have the time to work, be a father, and a partner to me. And after a while, I knew I couldn't live like that anymore."
"Was it an easy decision?" Tayler again was afraid to ask, afraid that Linda would get mad. But again, something inside her, made her ask.
"Hardest decision I've ever made," Linda looked at her daughter solemnly.
"How did he react?"
"He wasn't happy, and whereas I'm not certain, part of me thinks he expected it." Linda admitted. "I was nervous, when I talked to him about it. But I knew I wanted to do something with my life, and go back to nursing school, which he was against."
"If he didn't want to help take care of me, why didn't he just let me go with you?"
"I don't know," Linda shook her head. "But I think it was a power struggle, him wanting to show that he had the upper hand, and that he would always be a part of my life, simply because he had you."
"What did he say when you told him, you wanted to take me with you?" Tayler knew that her mother had tried to keep her, but something happened, that Tayler didn't know about.
"When I told him, I wanted to take you with me. He lost it. He got a shady lawyer, he could afford. We went to court, and since I had no money, no job, and now, no home." The judge ruled in his defense, since he had all three of those."
"Did you pay child support?" Tayler knew that was the usual for parents who didn't receive custody.
"No," Linda shook her head. "I tried, but your dad didn't want it. I did try to help other ways though. I sent him money before school every year, so he could take you shopping for new clothes."
"He never told me," Tayler stared at her feet. "I thought you didn't care about me." Her voice was low, showing a slight sound of regret in her voice.
"I thought about you every day," Linda placed a hand on her shoulder gently. She wanted to wrap her arms around her, but she refrained. Afraid that she would pull away, and it would ruin the few steps of progress they were making.
The two remained silent for several minutes, Tayler letting her mother's words sink in to her head. She had always hoped her mother thought about her. She knew she thought about her mother. Especially at night when she was younger and would have to put herself to bed.
"What did you do after you and dad split?" Tayler finally spoke up, wondering a little more about her mother's past.
"I moved back to the city and finished my education." Linda started to explain. "After the marines, Danny came back to New York, and worked some as a bouncer. Later, he took the cop test." Linda was about to say something further, until Tayler interrupted, with a question.
"But I thought he said he worked in construction?" Tayler remembered him saying something about it, justifying his ability to do the work in the basement to save them some money.
"He did when he was in high school, before he joined the marines," Linda nodded.
"Did you work in high school?" Tayler not only asked the question to gain knowledge on her mother. But also, for her own purposes, hoping she would be able to use it as leverage when she told her mother, she wanted to get a job, as soon as possible.
"I worked some in the hospitals filing room." Linda nodded. "But not much."
"When did you meet Danny again?" Tayler had a feeling, that was the next part of the story.
"I was working at the hospital as a nurse, and Danny was working as a cop, when I saw him again. He came in with the ambulance, when they brought in a little girl that had been hurt."
Tayler smiled at the thought, envisioning the reunion.
"We started talking again, and he asked me out. Fast-forward a year or so, and he asked me to marry him. Sometime after that, and Jack and Sean were born."
"And that's the end?" Tayler didn't really mean for it sound like a question. More along the lines of an assumption.
"At least until I got my daughter back," Linda smiled. "Then it was the end."
"How is it the end, now that I'm here?"
"Because my family circle is complete. I have my husband, and my three children." Linda tried to explain. "And I love you all very much."
"But how can you love me? You don't even know me." Tayler had a point, considering she had only seen her mother a handful of times, since she left.
"It's a mother's love," Linda smiled. "I know it's hard for you to believe. But I've always loved you. And have thought about you every day. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten in the car, determined to go pick you up. But I was afraid your dad, would get upset, and it cause problems for you. And the times I did take you to do things. It never looked like you were having a good time. At least not until you knew we were going home. I know you probably don't like me after everything that happened. But I hope you at least love me enough, to know that I did everything I did for you. And I know you don't accept me yet, but I want you to know, that I'm willing to wait forever, for you to see me as your mother."
Tayler was about to say something in response to her mother's comment, when they were interrupted, by her youngest half-brother yelling, from the living room.
"Mom! Tayler left the TV on, and she isn't watching it! You should give her a timeout!"
"I'm sorry," Tayler jumped to her feet, apologizing. "I didn't know." She hurried down the stairs, to turn the TV off.
"Sean!" Linda yelled, running down the stairs, being quick to correct her son.
"I'll go stay in my room." Tayler was quick to punish herself, before Linda even had a chance to say a word to reassure her, that she wasn't in trouble.
It was true, she didn't really like for the boys to leave their game or TV on if they weren't using it. But Tayler didn't know the rule. And had to be given the benefit of the doubt.
"Do you have any idea; how close I am to killing you right now?" Linda glared at her youngest son.
Sean's eyes widened, and he took a step back.
"I think I'm going to go to my room." This time, Sean was quick to send himself to his room.
"That's a good idea," Linda was still fuming. "And I expect you to apologize later."
"Yes Mam," Sean was quick to disappear up the stairs.
Leaving Linda and Jack alone downstairs.
"I told him not to do it," Jack shrugged, looking at Linda.
"Obviously he didn't listen," Linda shook her head, trying to figure out what she was going to say to Sean, and to Tayler.
"Can I play my X-Box?" Jack figured that now, with him not being in trouble, was the perfect time to ask.
"For an hour," Linda sighed, making her way down the basement stairs.
Tayler sat on the edge of her bed, surrounded by darkness, not even bothering to turn the light on, when she ran down the stairs, she was in too big a hurry to be alone.
"Tayler," Linda approached her daughter carefully.
"I'm sorry about the TV," Tayler's voice was low and shaky. "I didn't know it was a rule."
"You don't have anything to apologize for," Linda was trying to keep the conversation on the upbeat. While she flipped the light switch on the wall, wanting it to not only illuminate the room, but also the atmosphere. "I know having siblings is a new experience for you. But take it from me, who grew up with a brother and a sister. Sometimes you just have to ignore them."
"Really?" Tayler sounded as if she believed her, which Linda was grateful for.
"Yes," Linda noodled. "And I guarantee, Danny would agree with me. He grew up with four siblings."
"Makes me glad, I only have two," Tayler admitted. Managing to crack a smile, when she said it. Making Linda glad that her daughter didn't seem too upset over her brothers attempt to get her in trouble.
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After talking with Tayler and Sean, Linda remembered that she forgot a few things she needed, when they went to the store the day before, and she decided that then was the best time to go. "
Boys," Linda turned the TV off, so she could get their attention. "I'm going to go to the store. I'll be right back." Linda started to run through the items she needed to get, in her head.
"We can stay here?" Sean sounded surprised. "You've never let us stay home alone before."
"I know," Linda nodded. "But Tayler's here, and she's older. She's used to staying home alone, and she also has a cell phone. Which reminds me." Linda opened the door to the basement. "Tayler! Please come up here." She called down the stairs.
A few minutes later, and Tayler came up the stairs.
"Yes Mam?" Tayler closed the door behind her.
"I'm going to the store. But I'm leaving you three here. I shouldn't be gone long. But I want you to put these numbers in your cell phone, just in case." Linda pulled her cell phone out, so she could give her daughter hers, and the rest of the Reagan's cell numbers.
"I guess I can erase my dad's number now." Tayler scrolled through her list of contacts. There wasn't very many, and she was tempted to erase all her contacts. All but her friend Maggie's, that is.
"I'm sorry Tayler," Linda gave her a small smile. "I know this is hard on you."
"It's okay," Tayler shrugged her off, not wanting to appear vulnerable, and allow a tear slip, in front of the people she wasn't comfortable of showing any signs of grief or vulnerability towards. "I didn't talk to him on the phone much. Aside from the occasional txt he would send, when he wanted to tell me he was working late. Or when I needed to pick up something for dinner on my way home from school."
"That reminds me, you can make yourselves sandwiches for lunch." Linda glanced from her daughter, to her sons. "There is plenty of food in the fridge. And boys, please remember to clean up your dishes when you get done. We're going to be busy working in the basement again this evening and I'm not going to have time to pick up after you."
"Yes mam," all three of her children replied.
"Oh, and Jack," Linda turned her attention, to her eldest son. "Please help Tayler, by showing her where everything is."
"I will," Jack sounded annoyed. Just wanting to get back to his game.
"And you only have five more minutes, and the games off," Linda told them, after glancing at her watch.
"Can't we play a little longer?" Sean asked. "There's nothing else to do."
"You could try getting to know one another," Linda suggested. "You might find you have something in common."
I doubt it, Tayler thought to herself. Even if she wasn't brave enough to say it out loud.
"I'll be back as soon as I can," Linda placed a hand on each of them, before walking over to the door. "Be good." She added, before leaving.
The three stood alone in the living room for several minutes, staring at one another. Neither of them said a word, although there was plenty going through their minds.
Jack and Sean wanted to know why suddenly they had a sister, that they never met, and suddenly needed a home. They knew very little about her, their mother's life before their father, and why they just took off one day, saying they had to go get her. They had always known they had a sister, but not knowing her, really didn't bother them. They just figured she had a different life, and that was all that mattered. They figured they had the better life anyways, they got their mother. She didn't. A slight part of them felt bad for her, not having the opportunity to know their mother. But the majority part of them didn't care, Linda was their mother, and they weren't really keen on sharing her with another.
"What do we do now?" Jack was the first one to speak up.
"Keep playing our game," Sean suggested. "Moms not home, she'll never know."
"She's mom Sean, she'll find out," Jack turned the game off.
"Why did you do that?" Sean complained loudly. "I told you I wanted to keep playing."
"Because we'll get in trouble." Jack told him, what he already knew.
"Do you guys have to do that?" It was obvious, Tayler was tired of their arguing, after only a minute or so. Spending the majority of your time alone, would do that, she figured. And considering she was an only child for the longest time. Sibling altercations, were new to her.
"Do you have to interrupt?" Sean said sarcastically.
"Whatever," Tayler started to go back down to the basement. Until she remembered, she was supposed to be the one in charge. And thought better of it, not wanting to get in trouble if her annoying half-brothers did something to get them and herself in trouble, for not watching them. Tayler slumped onto the couch and sighed, having siblings was tough.
"Let's go eat," Jack noticed, how hungry he was getting, especially after his mother mentioned food, just a few moments ago.
"Wish we didn't have to have sandwiches though," Sean stood, and followed his brother and half-sister into the kitchen.
"Learn to love it Sean, neither one of us can cook. And it's not like mom would let us use the stove, without her being here." Jack grabbed the lunch meat, out of the fridge. While Sean, looked for the bread.
"I can cook some," Tayler spoke up.
"You can?" Sean sounded interested.
"Not a lot," Tayler admitted. "But I can make a few things." Growing up without a mother, made her lack in her home economic skills. But she did try, and she figured that was the best she could do.
"What can you cook?" Jack asked, curiously.
"Spaghetti, eggs, tacos," Tayler named a few.
"Can you make us spaghetti?" Sean asked excited.
"No," Tayler sounded surprised, that he wanted her to do something that would get her in trouble.
"Why not?" Sean didn't see the problem.
"Jack just said that Linda wouldn't like it," Tayler reminded them. "And I just got here, so I really don't want to be in trouble with your parents."
"She's never said anything about you not being allowed to cook," Sean pointed out.
"I don't care, I'm not doing do it," Tayler didn't want to take the chance.
"What's the point of having an older half-sister, if they won't feed you," Sean threw his hands up in frustration.
"I'll make you a stupid sandwich, if you shut-up." Tayler jerked the loaf of bread from him.
"That's not what I meant," Sean huffed.
A few minutes later, and the three took their seats at the table. They had just finished passing the bag of chips, when Jack spoke up.
"What do you think mom meant when she said we might have something in common?"
"Beets me," Tayler shrugged. "We're only half-siblings."
"Mom never says that though," Jack noticed. "She always just refers to you as our sister."
"Maybe it's because she doesn't see us as half-siblings." Tayler said after thinking about it for a moment. "And maybe, she sees us all the same."
"I don't see how," Sean shrugged. "We're all different."
"And she's raised you since you were born," Tayler pointed out.
"I've been wondering," Jack spoke up, hesitantly. Unsure of how she would react. Worried that the question might upset her, and she start crying. He didn't think she would. Then again, he didn't know her. So, he decided to proceed with caution. "How come things didn't work out between your parents?"
"I don't know much," Tayler shrugged. "But, apparently things weren't great between our mom and my dad."
"But your here?" Sean pointed out.
"I guess things were okay between them at first. But somehow they changed." Tayler didn't know how else to respond. "But I don't really know about my Dad, he never talked about it."
"What about mom?" Jack was trying to get to the bottom of everything.
"She's told me more than he did," Tayler nodded.
"And why didn't mom take you with her when she left?" Jack knew that if something ever happened between his parents, his mother would take them. Then again, he figured circumstances were a little different between his parents. Sure, they had their share of arguments, but he could tell they loved one another, along with he and his brother.
"Dad wouldn't let her," Tayler said simply.
"Are you glad you're here now?"
"I don't want you to be here," Sean interrupted. "You got me grounded this morning."
"One," Tayler raised a finger. Not really mad at him. In fact, part of her even agreed with him. "I didn't get you grounded. You did that, to yourself. And just so you know. I don't want to be here." She figured in that manner, she answered both Jacks question as well as showed her youngest brother, that she agreed with him, at least partly.
"Why not?" Jack sounded inquisitive. "We have it pretty good. We have a family that loves us."
"It's your family Jack," Tayler said honestly. " The only reason I'm here, is because I don't have a choice. I have to live with my mother."
"Where would you go, if you didn't have mom?"
"The law says foster care," Tayler didn't sound thrilled when she said the last two words. "I was only with family services over night. And that was enough to last me the rest of my life. That place was terrible. But if I was given the choice." Tayler was sure to add. "I'd live alone. But that's not an option when you're a kid."
"So, you do want to be here?" Jack interpreted her explanation, in another manner.
"Maybe a little," Tayler shrugged. "This place is a lot better than family services. Even if I do have to listen to my mother and stepfather. And deal with two half-brothers, I don't like." She added with a lopsided grin.
"Maybe we do have something in common," Sean smirked sarcastically. "We don't like you either."
"Look at us tolerating one another. Drawn together by our hatred for one another." Jack laughed. "Mom would be so proud."
XXXXXXXX
Linda was sitting outside, pulling weeds in her flower garden, when her husband pulled up from work. She was enjoying the time she got to spend alone in the fresh air, as well as the time it allotted for her to think, in the peace and tranquility. She had a lot on her mind with Tayler, as she tried to designate an appropriate time, when she and Danny could talk with her further. The conversation she had with her earlier, regarding her past, seemed to go well, and Linda was grateful. Tayler, not only asked questions, but she also seemed to understand, the reasoning behind her leaving. She knew her daughter could never fully understand what went on. Although she had a feeling, her daughter experienced some of the same things she did, regarding being lonely, and left alone for the majority of the day.
Yet, even with the progressive conversation, Linda still couldn't help but feel apprehensive, in many ways, regarding her daughter. This was just such an adjustment, and instead of things getting easier, she felt as if they were getting harder. Tayler still refused to speak up, and she and the boys, were being completely uncivil towards one another. She had hoped, that the boys would help draw her out of her shell. But she was sadly mistaken, and she seemed to want to draw herself further into it, anytime she, Danny, and the boys surrounded her as a family unit. She was looking forward to when she got to introduce her to the rest of the Reagan's Sunday, hoping it would help, but she was beginning to think, that was also wishful thinking. She had planned on asking Nicki to help, and at the moment, she was beginning to see her niece, as the only light at the end of the tunnel.
"Rough day?" Danny approached her, pulling her out of her thoughts.
"Same old, same old," Linda didn't sound very energetic.
"Things any better with the kids today?" Danny had a feeling, the kids, were the reason, behind her sullen behavior.
"Tayler's still distant," Linda sighed. "She seems so uncertain regarding her feelings. Almost confused, like she doesn't know how to act. At times, she's very inquisitive. Other times, she shuts me out completely. I think she feels betrayed by her feelings."
It was apparent to Danny, by his wife's long-winded explanation, that she had been doing a lot of thinking about her daughter.
"She's the same with me," Danny nodded. "Sometimes she'll talk to me. But most of the time, she seems to be afraid of her own shadow. Like she doesn't trust herself.
"Why do you think, she talks to you sometimes?" Linda wondered.
"Maybe because I'm easy going around her," Danny shrugged. "Although being serious, does seem to be her natural state."
"Seems like that to me too," Linda had to admit, that she had notice how serious she was. She didn't know if that was because reserved was just natural to her, or because she didn't know how else to behave.
"I do think there's another part of her, that wants to come out, though. She just doesn't know if she can trust us enough, to allow that personality to air. So, she keeps it hidden." Danny said, after thinking about it a bit further.
I've noticed that," Linda agreed. "She told me she wasn't abused. And I believe her," Linda admitted. "But I do think there's something else going on with her.
"She doesn't seem willing to speak, unless prodded to." Danny recalled, trying to remember some of the things and personalities he experienced on the street, when he was a uniformed officer. Hoping it would help him come up with an explanation. "At least compared to Jack and Sean, who will say almost anything to us. She's like the complete opposite."
"Let's go over what we know," Linda suggested. "Maybe it will help the detective, come up with something." Linda couldn't help but tease him. "We know she spent a lot of time alone, meaning the only person she could talk to, was herself. Aside from when Tim was there."
"Unless, he was the type that believed, children should be seen and not heard," Danny came up with reason behind her silence.
Linda looked at him intently, and finally spoke up, after several moments of quiet, as if they were finally getting a glimpse into Tayler's past life with her father.
"I think your right. Tim's parents raised him that way." Linda remembered, a conversation she had with Tim, many years ago.
"We can break that with time," Danny tried to ease his wife's mind, when he noticed the tears beginning to fall from her eyes.
"I hope so," Linda sighed, resting her head against his chest.
"You ready to go inside?" Danny asked, after a few moments. "Get to work in your daughter's room."
"I am," Linda pulled away from him. "But I don't know about your sons." She laughed, as the two made their way to the front door.
XXXXXXXX
Tayler was already in the basement, by the time Danny changed his clothes, and came down to get to work. She was already through removing all the old caulking from the shower. And she was basically awaiting her next job. She was hoping it would be something new, so she could learn a new skill. Yet at the same time, if it was something new. Chances were, she would need help. Which was something she didn't like asking for. She didn't think, she needed to worry. Not many adults, wanted to give a child a job, that they could mess up, and cause more problems. Tayler shifted those thoughts aside and walked over to the stereo. She was about to choose a station, when she stopped short. Afraid she would choose the wrong style of music and annoy her stepfather.
"What kind of music do you want on?" She thought it best, she ask.
"Anything with a beat," Danny replied.
"Don't you have a preference?" Tayler didn't want to push. But she knew everyone had a preference. Her dad for instance liked classical instrumental, she on the other hand liked music with lyrics. She didn't want to make him mad or annoy him with her choice of music. "What year were you born?" Tayler figured if she asked that, it would at least help her choose a station, or artist.
"Do I look like an idiot?" Danny just looked at her. Danny really didn't care, if she knew how old he was, he was just trying to get her to talk to him.
"No," Tayler shook her. "But I don't know you, so there's that."
"We're going to have problems with you, aren't we?" Danny noticed the teenage wit, behind her use of words. He wanted to laugh, at her reply. But he was just so surprised, by her choice of words, he stifled it.
"No," Tayler said quickly. Knowing that she had hardly ever gotten in trouble in the past, and she wasn't planning on starting now. It just wasn't in her nature.
"I just thought it would help me pick a station. Besides, you know how old I am?"
"I'm your stepfather. I'm supposed to know how old you are." Danny had a point.
"Aren't I supposed to know how old my stepfather is?" Tayler questioned.
"Do you know how old your mother is?" Danny knew it was more important she know that, than anything about him.
"Well no, not exactly," Tayler replied.
"Figure that one out first," Danny returned to his work.
"So, what do you want to listen to?" Tayler noticed, that they had yet to settle on anything. Not that it mattered to her, she just wanted something on.
"You pick," Danny shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me."
"Me neither," Tayler pressed the power button, and left it on, whatever station it was already on.
Tayler was about to ask him what he wanted her to do. But she was interrupted when her mother walked down the stairs.
"Danny, is your brother coming to help?" Linda was trying to figure out, how many plates she needed to set at the table for dinner.
"He better, or I'll kill him." Danny needed an extra set of hands.
"I hope you asked him nicer than that, when you called him." Linda knew how the two brothers could get, when they got into it. And when that happened, Frank was the only one who could defuse the situation. And that took work.
"He'll be here," Danny assured her. "He said he had to run an errand after tour."
"Do you need a break yet Tayler?" Linda turned her attention to her daughter.
"I'm fine," Tayler said quickly.
"The fumes from the chemicals will probably be really strong in here tonight," Danny looked at Linda. Knowing she knew what he was saying.
"I'll make the couch up for Tayler," Linda took the blankets off her daughter's bed, and carried them up the stairs.
XXXXXXXX
That night, and Tayler stretched out on the sofa. She was physically comfortable. But mentally, her mind was flooding with thoughts. She was trying to figure her mother, stepfather and half-brothers out. Unfortunately, it was proving to be a challenge. She was glad, her mother talked with her, about the relationship she had with Tim. She seemed so inviting, when it came to her home. She invited her to come into her room, and talk with her, which was something Tim hardly ever did. She was never allowed to go into his room without permission. Unless she had his laundry to put away on his bed. Or put towels away in his bathroom cabinet. His office was the same, only there was no reason for her to go in there at all. In fact, she noticed that he often kept the door locked, when he wasn't at home. She didn't know before, but now she had a feeling, it was because of his work with the crime family. Part of her wished she would have known. Before he passed away, so she would have understood him better. Yet at the same time, part of her was glad she didn't. So, she didn't have to spend her entire life worried about him.
Something else, she noticed about her mother, was the way she showed genuine love towards her family. She could tell by the way she spoke to them, by the way she smiled at her boys, when they laughed, and the way she did things in general. Knowing these things about her mother, however, still didn't make her ready, to except her as a mother. Not yet anyway, not after being used to not having a mother at all.
Her stepfather on the other hand, confused her. He was a lot different than her father was. In more ways than one. He didn't seem to mind talking with his sons, about their day. In fact, he seemed interested. Tim hardly ever asked her about her day. The only thing he wanted to make sure of, was that she was behaving herself at school. Always being sure to tell her that he didn't have time to leave work, to go pick her up, because she did something stupid. That may not be the best way to father a child, Tayler figured, but she had to admit she enjoyed all the things he bought her, to keep her entertained while she was alone. Danny didn't buy his sons everything they wanted. But she overheard Jack say something, about needing his father to practice soccer with him. Making her think, that spending time with your kids, would be better than getting all the toys a kid could want.
Jack and Sean didn't seem to hate her one hundred percent, like they did the day before. But they didn't want her there, and that made her feel, a little awkward. Like she was imposing and taking their moms attention. They didn't complain about working in the basement that evening, like they did before. And that helped some, thinking, they at least wanted her to have a comfortable place to live. On the other hand, she couldn't read their mind. And part of her wondered, if the only reason Sean was willing to pitch in, was because he didn't want to get in more trouble, considering he was already grounded. Jack on the other hand, made her wonder that if she had a nice room, maybe it would help keep her in her room, and away from the rest of them.
These, among other thoughts ran through her mind, as she laid awake and stared at the ceiling. Darkness was surrounding her. And she found herself grateful, for the flashlight, Linda left her, just in case she had to go to the bathroom, in the middle of the night. She was given a glass of water, she had sitting on the coffee table next to her. So, she had everything she needed comfort wise. If only she could get her brain to stop running, long enough for her to get some sleep. She was excited, with how everything was turning out in the basement, and she heard Jamie say something to Danny, about the construction part being over with, if they worked all day Saturday, which they had already planned to do anyways. Jamie, seemed to be different than she originally thought at the beginning. And he seemed like someone, she may have the potential to get along with. Not that she could make any decisions regarding a person's character though, not just yet anyway. She barely met him a day ago, after all. The Commissioner, or her step-grandfather, if that was even a politically correct term, which she had to admit, she had never heard before. He seemed nice enough. But that didn't erase the fact, that she was still the kid, that was going to be around his family, when she shouldn't be. She was an outsider, and nothing would ever change that. No matter what she said or did.
Hope you all enjoyed the update... I have to admit, that I'm really beginning to get into this story, lol... Thanks for all the follows, favorites and reviews... JusticeStandsTRUE