Mom and I talk a little while longer. Not so much about how I was feeling, she knows me well enough that I will talk when I am ready to talk. It was more of the fact that I opened up to her at all that made her happy. Still, for the first time, I told her what had led up to all of this.

"When did you grow up?" Mom says pushing back my hair from my face. "It really isn't fair that you didn't it with us knowing."

"I'm far from being a grown-up," I tell her quietly. "I just didn't know who I was, or who I wanted to be. I really still don't. So I found someone they wanted me to be, and for once I wasn't Spider, prima donna, or miss perfect." I say repeating all the names I had been called over the years. "I was just Marnie to them and it was fun, and Fred was Fred and he was…he was popular and perfect."

"So what happened?" Mom asks trying to understand how this all happened, started which landed me here at this moment.

"You know the song Joy used to listen to? Vanessa something? She played piano?" I asked her.

"Vanessa Carlton?" Mom says automatically. "Sure, she loved those albums."

"She has a song called White Houses," I say quietly. "I suppose it encapsulates how it felt for me last year?r"

"Do you want me to listen to it now?" Mom asks looking at me and I shake my head, cheeks red.

"Later?"

"Okay," Mom says, "so, what happened?" She raises her question once more.

"Long story short, he called me pretty. He told me he liked how small I looked in his shirts when watching hockey practice. I thought he got it with him being in sports. He would know how much dance meant to me. Still, he would get jealous when I had things to do, but it seemed nice that he wanted to be with me. It was fairly simple in the beginning but after a while, he just kept asking for me for more and more. His room was in the basement, it was supposed to be a group of us, but it was just us and his parents weren't home. I didn't think much of it, sure he got a bit huffy when we made out in his car when told him to stop but he always did." I say and I couldn't look at her as I go through my memories.

"That day everything had been horrible. I kept messing up at the dance, I failed a test, I knew we were going to fight about it. When he bugged me about it for what felt like the millionth time. I didn't feel like fighting him about it and afterwards, I just kept thinking that…that was what everyone talks about? It hadn't been anything like I had heard about, nor was I magically changed either." I try to explain myself to her. Not without details, but just with how I felt. "I came home and you were angry that I failed my test. In the end, we fought, then I went up to my room and just hid in my room and played some music. It's not you treated virginity like something special you just stressed that it was always our choice and that hopefully. It was with someone that we trusted and loved. Instead of a moment where we talked about it and discussed what things meant. I just cried in my room."

"Rilla," Mom breathes as I stop talking but I shake my head. I had to get through this.

"When I told him I was going to Winnipeg for summer intensive a few weeks later, he got mad and annoyed that I was ditching him for half of the summer. I told him he was only sorry that he wouldn't be able to have sex for a few weeks." I say biting my lip not sure if I should tell her why we had broken up. Did she need another blow from my secret life? I decided that maybe that would be my secret for a while longer.

"Anyway I went to summer intensive he tried to call a few times, I ignored him. When I got back, it felt good to be home, everyone was happy to see me. Walter was home, the twins, but soon they were all talking about trips and programs they were all too busy to hang out. I was alone again, no friends around so I called up Ellie and Rena and they took me to that party. I lied and said it was a sleepover."

Mom frowns as I let her process things.

"Rena usually kept an eye on me, especially if we were around older guys. But we were all drinking and there was weed being passed around. I don't know, I escaped her somehow? Then I woke up and we looked at each other." I say closing my eyes. Those memories are still way too fresh in my mind.

"Suddenly he said my name and we both realized what happened, what we had done. Ken was so angry at himself, so guilty, I was so hungover that I just tried to put on my clothing. We fought about it, I told him to not worry, that I was sixteen, that I wasn't going to go cry rape or anything. I thought I could just move on from it, forget that it happened." I sneak a look at my mom, who was pensive, but oddly calm about it all.

"Until you realized you were late?" Mom asked quietly, clearly trying to figure out how she hadn't seen my rebellion. "You never said when you found out?"

"Second week of school, we had the P.A Day for some reason or another. So I danced and took the bus into the city and bought a test." I told her. I can see her piecing everything together in her head, frowning when it all comes together in her mind.

"Three weeks you walked around this house with saying a word?" She asks calmly, still playing with my hair with one hand.

"I didn't know how I didn't know what to do really. I hadn't even planned on telling Joy when I did, it just came out and I was crying. She made me tell you that night and I just sat there watching you self-destruct by my news."

"It threw us both for the loop," Mom said nodding her head. "It took quite a few therapy sessions to get to a point of understanding, or even acceptance," Mom admits to me quietly. "Also quite a few talks with your Aunt Marilla as well. She was the one who told me how ashamed and disappointed in me. Which kicked me into working through everything even more."

"You have a therapist?" I look up at her rather shocked.

"I've had one since the Twins were born," Mom tells me after a short pause. "Postpartum was rough that time around and your father spent a lot of his time working and I was home alone most of the time. I somehow never experienced postpartum depression before and had no idea what was going on. Why I feeling how I was feeling when I finally got the help I understood better. The more I talked about things, the more I explained my reasoning or what was going on in my head. I was feeling better, I decided that I didn't need it anymore. Except, Joy was turning twelve and she found a photo of me and mom. I remember looking at Joy, who grown up with us growing up and I couldn't breathe thinking that I was her age when Mom died. It hit me like a ton of bricks, so I went back and I unpacked a lot of things from those years when my mom was sick. I probably should have done it sooner, and it's not Marilla's fault either. No one thought to send me to therapy for what happened with mom."

"How did grandma die?" I ask realizing I had no idea.

"She had breast cancer that ended up spreading, back then there wasn't a good survival rate," Mom said quietly. "She was only thirty -two, she was Joy's age when she passed away. Which also sends me into a retrospective even now. How could she die so young, then again my father died when he was only 22 years old in a car crash so, life isn't fair."

I rub my stomach, I couldn't imagine even if this one would have half a dozen people to look after her if Ken wasn't around either.

"All you have to do is ask," Mom says reminding me. "Whenever you're ready to talk about things, this path you've chosen for yourself. Whatever bothers you, all you have to do is ask and we will find you, someone."

"As I told dad, I'm good," I tell her stubbornly. Mom gives me a sad smile.

"Can I listen to the song?" Mom asked curiously.

"Do you want to see it?" I ask her to which I receive a nod of her head. I pull up a video and send it to the t.v. It was recorded in the in-between weeks of the party and them finding out I was pregnant. It was almost haunting to even see myself not pregnant. I was about to hit play, but instead, we both look up at the sound of the front door opening. It would be a lie to say dad wasn't shocked when he saw us on the couch together. Wrapped up in blankets, with me cuddled into her side. When was the last time he saw us like this?

Still, he had a worn tired look on his face.

"It's late and I should probably head to bed," I say out loud. I can hear mom about to protest, but she takes another look at Dad and shuts her mouth.

I finish brushing my teeth when I hear them talk, I find myself sitting at the top of the stairs. I hear Dad's voice go down low as he talks about whatever he saw today and the way it sounded it hadn't been good. I can picture mom cradling him as she used to do with us when we were sad or crying.

After a while I can hear him ask about me, what had spurred this couch cuddle between us and mom tells him my story.

"It's been so long that she been honest like that Gil. The more I think about it and I wonder if this is all our fault? I look back and try to pinpoint some sort of change in her. She's been up and down for most of the teenage year and sure puberty can be a bitch, but I can only wonder if I missed something, did we missed something?" She says sighing.

"I wonder the same thing sometimes," dad says to her a moment later.

"Listen to this song, she told me it would explain things she couldn't," she says and I can hear it play.

'Crashed on the floor when I moved in, This little bungalow alone with some strange new friends

Stay up too late, and I'm too thin.

Ellie had always get annoyed when my clothes were too small for her. What was the point of friends if you couldn't share clothing? Still, it made me feel oddly good about myself when it shouldn't have.

Now we're spinning empty bottles

It's the five of us

With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust'

I had been so naive, so enthralled by them all that first night. The boys circled like I was fresh meat, it was like they hadn't seen me in school, which they had, but it was different now as I drink from the bottle.

Those moments as I lean across the circle, those dark blue eyes that grinned as he met me halfway. Praying he wouldn't see through my facade, that I have never been kissed before.

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head

I come undone at the things he said

And he's so funny in his bright red shirt

We were all in love and we all got hurt

One kiss became two, became three if you count where Ellie landed on me with a smirk on her face. Definitely not into girls I learned, but Fred, Fred I was in too, and he liked me to it seemed as he found me in the hallways at school.

I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat

The smell of gasoline in the summer heat

Boy, we're going way too fast

It's all too sweet to last.

The bricks that built these friendships weren't stable, and I was too afraid to jump off to save myself from whatever was going to happen.

I lied, I snuck around and it only made me feel worse at the end of it all.

On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think

He's my first mistake'

"I don't think I can finish this Anne," Dad says after the song hits the bridge. "What do we do? She's going to be overwhelmed as it is with the baby, so approaching this now is just not entirely sensible? But pretending that she didn't open up a bit to us doesn't seem right either?"

"We just have to try and keep the line of communication open and hope that she uses it? Let her know that whatever it is that we don't overreact about the past." Mom says with a sigh. "We can only hope she'll come around to the idea of going to counsellor or therapist. Or at the very least come to us when she ready to talk about things more."

I hear Dad sigh again. "Add to that, I still need to teach her how to drive in the next few months. I suppose things will be interesting, to say the least?"

Mom hums in agreement.

I haven't even thought about my license in so long. He took me a few times, but since learning I was pregnant it hadn't been approached.

I quietly as I can pull myself upright, not wanting to hear any more, they was at the tip of the iceberg bout my life. I tiptoe to my room and curl up on my bed and pillow.

The rest of the week goes by slowly. Olivia comes by in the evenings to drag me outside for a walk around the neighbour. While Ken spends the Saturday afternoon with me when I'm tired, cranky with a body that hurts if I stood, sat, or did anything for too long. He takes it in good stride as he just like last Tuesday when I was hoping for some sort of good news. Instead, the doctor told me that she thought I would go over my due date, but if I went past forty-one weeks we could talk about inducing me.

In a small fit of energy, I found myself having I was directing my parents out the door.

"Just go already, seriously one night away is not going to hurt. It's your anniversary, go do things I don't want to ever think about. The doctor said that she doubts I will go into labour before my due date. Plus you're barely an hour away at the little bed and breakfast. Ken will be here, so will Shirley and Wynnie most likely since. So go!" I tell them as I am actively trying to push them out the door.

Dad sighs. "If anything changes, if you think you're in labour call us, anytime my phone will be on,"

"I really don't feel…" Mom starts off once again.

"Just go!" I tell them. "It's one night, I'll be fine!" I plead with them.

With my parents finally out the door and waved off I sigh and go back to my spot on the couch. I really hoped that my doctor would tell me the end was near but she said I was barely a cm dilated at this point in time. This exam a touch less awkward, Ken actually talking to me this time around as he looked at his phone. Telling me some joke or meme that Persis sent him, while Thea had messaged him randomly to say be kept up with the baby news.

I text Olivia who was of course at school as it was only Wednesday afternoon to tell her that I was almost finished Buffy at this point. To which she responded with a bunch of emojis.

"Well, baby, you're more than welcome me anytime," I tell my stomach. "Not sure if I'm ready, but I am ready to have my body back to myself."

By late afternoon, I found myself organizing the small dresser and closet for the third time when I hear a chuckle behind me.

"What are you doing?" Kens asks amused as he watches me clean a spotless area. "Are you nesting?" He said teasing me.

"I'm not nesting," I snip at him. "I'm not," I say sighing. "I just feel like it is better organized this way unlike before."

"You're nesting," Ken repeats with a grin on his face.

"Hush you," I tell him as he grins but sits down on my bed.

"How was work?" I ask him putting away the stack of diapers I moved back into the same place I took them from.

"It was fine, Meg says hi," he tells me looking up at my ceiling.

"Tell them I say hi back," I tell him back. "I told Di that I met her, from what she told me, you and Meg went to high school together when you were here as a teenager?" I tell him.

"Did I?" Ken looks at me and I nod my head.

"Actually she told Nan that she saw me at the party with someone who looked very much like you," I tell him the truth.

"She never mentioned it," Ken responded after a moment frowning.

"Probably figured it wasn't really her place too," I tell him as I sit down on my exercise ball to take a breather. "I am so ready for this to be over with," I tell him as I feel the baby kick me and almost wiggle her head into my pelvis.

"Soon enough," Ken tells me with a smile. "Are you hungry? Do you want dinner now or later?" He asks me looking at his phone.

"Now is fine, I think mom left us some stuff in the fridge," I told him. I wait for him to get up before I hold my hands out to him. He pulls me up and makes our way downstairs, my hand on my back as I walk.

We make dinner and eat in the living room while watching some Marvel movie that Ken thought I may enjoy. Instead, I spend every fifteen minutes shifting whenever I felt my stomach tighten with a practice contraction. Only pausing it when the front door opens.

"Mom and dad are gone?" Shirley asks as he comes through the front door with Wynnie behind him.

"Yep," I nod my head. "You'll be downstairs?" I asked him.

"We have a movie to watch and some pizza," He says holding up the obvious box while nodding his head.

"How are you doing?" Wynnie asks looking at me.

"Well, still pregnant, so could be better?" I say jokingly.

"She'll come out when she's ready," Ken says automatically. "Just because she's fully cooked pretty much doesn't mean she's ready."

I give him a look and Wynnie giggles. "I'm sure it will be soon enough. If you need anything from us, just let us know."

"We will," I tell her looking at Shirley was already at the stairs that went into the basement, waiting until Wynnie joined him.

It was Persis who calls us at like nine in the evening, though Japan is twelve hours ahead of us so it was a bright sunny morning when the video connects. She was outside in a park, her blonde hair curled perfectly, and she was wearing a floaty dress.

"Kenny!" She exclaims. "And Rilla!" She adds on when she sees me beside him. "Guess what!"

"What is it Persis," Ken responds grumbling over that old nickname that she called him.

"Yosuke proposed!" She exclaimed as she held up her hand to the phone.

"Oh, congratulations!" I exclaim back, trying to no sure my wince as I feel my stomach tighten. "It's so pretty!"

"That's wonderful news Perse," Ken said with a smile.

"It was just perfect he took the day off and we went up to one of the shrines that I love going to. We were just picnicking and just out of nowhere he was like. 'Will you marry me'" Persis went on with the story. "I thought he was joking until I saw that he was holding a ring. I thought he was going to wait another year, but I guess he got the promotion earlier than thought and decided it was time."

"That's wonderful," I say. "Isn't it?" I nudge Ken.

"Yes, it is," Ken said softly. "This is great, I'm really happy for you."

"Thank you, little brother," Persis grins. "So still waiting?" She changes the subject to us.

"Haven't even gotten to the due date yet," I tell her with a sigh.

"Well, it's a full moon tonight isn't it?" Persis says grinning.

"Please don't tempt fate Perse," Ken says looking at me as my face scrunches up off-camera. and gives me a look of concern. "The Blythes went out to celebrate their anniversary, we don't want to call them back early," Ken tells her.

I look at him….was it a full moon tonight? Oh, for the love of God, it was. No wonder dad was worried about leaving!

We hang up a few minutes later and I look at Ken. I wasn't even due yet, my parent had gone out for the night after many reassurances from Me that I would be fine!

I mean it was their anniversary of some sort, they deserved it right? So I told them not to worry, that the chances of me going into labour were slim to none. The doctor said I would mostly go past my due date, while I was beginning to dilate I had been still carrying rather high a few days ago. So when they talking about cancelling, I told them to go they were only an hour away. They were still on the island! If I needed them I could call!

"Ken?" I say out loud. "Can you do something?"

"Sure?" Ken says simply still focused on his phone.

"Time these contractions for me?" I tell him and I see Ken's head whip around to look at me.

"It's probably nothing, they just have a bit more edge to them, than I am used to getting," I tell him, trying to not make him panic.

Turns out I was wrong. So very wrong as they didn't recede or go away. If anything they only got stronger as we moved upstairs to my room as I paced my floor.

"Have you had any heavier discharge?" Ken asks me and I look at him like he had two heads, wondering how he could ask such things without blushing. Oh wait, he watched me get poked and prodded in the exam room at the doctor's off the other day! "The birthing class talked about some sort of mucus plug?"

"Not that I know? Maybe a little bit more than usual, but nothing extreme or what they described but they said it can happen gradually I might not totally notice? If anything the exam made me bleed a bit the other day, but she said that could happen?" I say as I feel another contraction start as I walk the length of my room as grab onto the crib for support. I allow myself a breath before straightening up.

"Either way, you're still sporadic between the length of time between them?" Ken takes note of the log we created. "It could be all but a false alarm? Maybe try and get some sleep?"

Did he just suggest trying to sleep through pain? Really? I think to myself as I crawl onto my bed, looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

"Just for a while," Ken says as he gets in beside me so we were facing each other. His phone in the middle of us. To log contractions while we were still awake.

"Shouldn't we be freaking out?" I ask him quietly.

"I think that comes when we decide that this is the real deal?" Ken replies as he runs a hand over my bump. He frowns when he feels it tighten and go hard. I sleep on and off, contractions don't make it easy but after a good two hours of them I find myself getting more nervous as time doesn't settle them. One look at Ken I can tell he feels the same.

The song is White House by Vanessa Carlton.

It's just about baby time! I do hope everyone enjoys this story, thank you to anyone who has ever commented it does mean a great deal and I love hearing your thoughts behind everything.