Ken drives us home from the hospital the next morning after we declared healthy and Elowen had passed all her tests. The heel prick test sent me into a tizzy to the point mom had to hold me as they took her out of the room to do it. I didn't feel comforted until she was back in my arms. Ken spent the night once again, this time she up every two hours. Feed, burp, tackle the late-night diaper that us calling for the nurse because we had no idea who to clean her up without making more of a mess.
At least now I was going home as I sat in the back seat next to the car seat installed in his car. Safetied by the fire department, to ensure it was put in properly. My mother is in the front seat. She had gotten a ride from Dad this morning when she came to sign my discharge papers as my mother so I could leave. To which I signed for Owens as her mother. It made no sense why I couldn't sign my own discharge papers, but apparently, I was still a paediatric patient in the birth centre. Despite having my own new paediatric patient! Still, the entire process took an hour an half, telling me what to do, expect and look out for.
I also got told to take an easy by three women. Then my doctor and two nurses stressed that I shouldn't have sex until after a six-week appointment, to which we would discuss birth control options. That it was seriously possible to get pregnant two or three weeks after giving birth. I tried to them, we tried to tell them while both blushing that things weren't like that but they each gave us a look of don't make excuses.
After the sex talk it was don't exercise until I was cleared too, actually don't do anything strenuous for the few weeks. Doing too much at once can make the bleeding worse and have me subsequently hemorrhage.
Take an easy, accept help, try and sleep when you can is what I truly took in.
At the end of it all Owen looked small in the car seat, all tucked in and buckled up by Ken, who did it with such determination but with a general softness as he tightened the straps. While looking at the nurse who was supervising to ensure we knew what we were doing? Talk about nerve-wracking!
Mom makes small talk as I stare at my daughter, while Ken who was driving ridiculously slow. Seriously I had never seen him drive so slow, I swear I saw old ladies pass him.
"Are you ready to meet everyone else?" I ask my baby, who of course doesn't answer me.
"Who is all at the house?" I ask my mom.
"Well the Twins drove in for the weekend, Walter of course, Aunt Marilla will come by at some point, much like Fords," Mom answers. "Joy as well, naming them all I hope they don't overwhelm you."
"I'm sure it will be fine, I'm used to them and Elowen might as get used to them as well," I tell her.
"Oh, Shirley is working today but will be home eventually," Mom adds on.
Getting out of the car was harder than anticipated
My sisters were waiting for me when I walked through the door. Ken holding the car seat. He had a week off and planned to be here for most of it apparently.
"She's so tiny," Di says in awe.
"She's not that tiny," I tell her, still thinking about everything that I had gone through the day previous. "She's still almost eight pounds.
"All right, give your sister some room to breathe," Mom calls out to my sisters.
"Go wash your hands as well," Dad tells them as Ken puts the car seat in the chair and carefully unbuckles the harness and lifts her out. She was wearing a tiny yellow dress with a pink floral bonnet and tiny little socks. I sit down on the couch(trying not to show how busted up I felt) and cuddle her after Ken hands me her before sitting down beside me.
I'm still awkward with her, but I'm getting better.
I was watching her when I noticed that Joy had quietly snuck in and was watching me.
"So you did it?" She said with a smile. "You made through, and I hear without even hard drugs?"
"I guess so," I said after a moment. Wondering what videos dad had sent her
"She's beautiful Rilla,"
"She's cute for a potato," I correct my sister. "But she's getting cuter by the day," I smile and Joy shakes her head at me. "Here," I said offering her my blanketed bundle. "Just watch her head," I say automatically much as I tell myself that every time I pick her up as well.
"Oh, she's a good size," Joy says adjusting the blanket. "Definitely your nose, and chin, can't really decide about the eyes right now though."
"She pretty much looks like Rilla," Ken says deciding for us. "My hair but, the rest of her is Blythe right now."
"How are your parents?" Joy asks Ken still focused on her niece.
"They are good, they'll be over in a bit," Ken tells her with a yawn.
"You look like you had a night," Joy observes us.
"Well, neither of us have slept in two nights for more than maybe two hours at a time?" I explain to her.
"How was it?" Nan asks coming up behind Joy and looking at Owen.
"Long, painful, probably worse than what you can ever imagine," I tell her leaning forward to fix the blanket. "I can give you more details later if you want."
"I think I rather live in ignorance," Nan laughs and so does Joy but it's not as lively as Nan's. She passes Owen to Nan who was eagerly waiting who then passed her on to Di who seemed the most awkward of my older sisters. By the time Owen was passed to my father who was already talking nonsense baby talk to her, she began to fuss.
"What's a matter Little one, you shouldn't be grumpy you have about a dozen people who looking to love you?" Dad says to her, bouncing ever so lightly on his heel, she nuzzled into him calming down. "That's it's, listens to grandpa. Now you have Grandma Anne, and Grandma Leslie and Grandpa Owen. You have your Uncle Jem, who isn't here but you'll meet him eventually. Uncle Walter who you already met and tonight you'll meet your Uncle Shirley. Then you have your Aunties, Joy, Nan and Di. Then of course you have the extended family Auntie Faith who is engaged to your Uncle Jem. Uncle Matt who is married to Auntie Joy, who you will meet all eventually, oh and your cousins Liam and Elliot"
"Gil darling she is never going to remember everyone this young," Mom tells him as she sneaks a peek at the little face.
"We're never getting her back," Ken whispers to me and I turn to look at him.
"Oh they will when she needs a diaper change or hungry," I tell him and I hear Joy chuckle at us.
"Mom says you're trying to breastfeed?" Joy asks and I nod my head.
"So far so good," I say not knowing how to reply to such a question. "I think I should go lie down," I say louder. "She'll be hungry soon I should get her used to her new room."
"But…" Di objects want more time with her niece.
"Your sister is right," Mom stops her.
"I'll bring up Owen for you," Ken told me. I wasn't looking forward to the stairs, but they couldn't be that bad. The doctor warned me to take an easy the first week, don't do too much, try to limit stairs but right now I wanted my own bed.
Ken grabs my bags from his car after he brings me our daughter. I change her into a sleeper and settle down on my bed with my large pillow. I run through the steps in my head as I try to shove what I can into her little mouth. Got to keep her from losing more weight and while my milk has yet to come in the predecessor to it has been fine so far.
Ken stays as I feed her, though tactfully looking at his phone as he does, which is filled with dozen of photos. I had permitted him to post what he wishes, trusting him to not put her in any danger from creepy weirdos. Though in the end, he created a friends and family account for pictures of her on Instagram that was private,. While his public profile which had a fair amount of followers would only have the occasional photo of her here and there.
We both doze off after placing her in the bassinet, too tired to even talk. It wasn't until we heard someone clear their throat that we realized we had fallen asleep on my bed. Granted it was far from the first time like this
It was Aunt Marilla of all people who finds us, or finds us and decides to say something to us.
"I know babies are a lot of work but is falling asleep on her bed necessary Kenneth?" Aunt Marilla ribs him.
"Sorry, I didn't—," Ken says sitting up from his spot, while I just pull myself into a sitting position.
"Ken she's just teasing you," I tell him.
"Am I though?" Aunt Marilla grins at him as she doesn't wait for permission, just saunters in over to the bassinet.
"So this my great Niece is it, not too much a cone head she must have been born fairly quick." Aunt Marilla notes.
"Is close to 24 hours of labour quick?" I ask her.
"Your brother Jem dropped early and wedged himself into Mother pelvis, it took weeks for it to round out." Aunt Marilla smiles. "She looks like a healthy newborn," she deduces.
I look at her and then Ken and back at her.
"That's all she gets?" I complain. "I know I'm biased and all but she's at the very least cute, even if she grumpy looking."
Aunt Marilla laughed and turns and caresses my cheek with her hand. "She is beautiful Rilla, but she has a beautiful Mother and a good-looking father. I would expect nothing less from the both of you. As for looking grumpy, most babies are they were suddenly ousted from what I hear was a very comfortable spot for them."
"What didn't you have children?" I ask as try to Elowen as naturally as I could from Ken, but I know it doesn't look like it. "Do you wish to hold her?" I ask.
Aunt Marilla nods her head and carefully takes her from me.
"Oh, well you generally had to be married for such things back in those days and I had no use for a man in my life." Marilla chuckled as she swayed slightly on her feet, as she rocked Elowen in her arms. "Plus your mother gave me more than enough children to dote on in my life."
"You're not going to make me dress up for dinner are you?" I ask her wearily.
"Dear, you just had a baby. I don't even expect you to be at dinner if you don't wish to be." Aunt Marilla laughs. "Your father has given your siblings strict instructions to not overload you, Your parents Kenneth though, are yours to deal with."
"Well, I'm hungry so I will be, but most likely in my pyjama's because wearing anything else is just too much work right now," I tell her looking down at my comfortable clothing that was dark sweatpants, a practical choice for when you felt like you were bleeding like a sieve.
I look at my phone sighing as it's already been two hours and I could already hear the tiny mewling sounds.
"I will let you, nurse," Aunt Marilla says passing her back to me. "Come along Kenneth, I'm sure your parents wish to see you."
Ken looks back at me, apologetically and I shrug my shoulder and manage to wave my phone to say I would message if I needed anything from him.
I was terrified, terrified when I realized that I would have to go down the stairs. If stairs pregnant were frightening, hell stairs were an enemy of a dancer! Yet carrying a brand new baby down them topped it all.
One arm holding her to my body, supporting her head, while the other grasped the railing, one step at a time.
Whatever mom was cooking smelled wonderful though, and I let out a sigh of relief when I reached the bottom. I look ahead to the living room where Walter and Di chatting quietly. "Well, I think the new medication that the doctor is having me try is doing all right so far, not quite like the old one but I don't have the headaches anymore."
"You got new medication?" I ask confused and Walter looks at me.
"Yeah, they were working but the headaches were becoming unbearable," Walter says after a moment. "I wasn't liking what I feeling, haven't for a while. "
"Oh, well, that's good," I say sitting down next to him.
Well, that explains a lot over the past few months! Without medication, or I suppose new medication could make him less Walter? Even if he was still very much Walter to me because I haven't known him any differently. Walter's condition had been explained once to me back when I was about eleven. Cyclothymic disorder, meaning his mood fluctuates constantly. Not quite as extreme as being bi-polar when it came to mania, but the lows were often not the same. Along with his anxiety, it hasn't been easy for him as a child, not knowing how to respond to things, to people most of the time.
He outgrew some of his anxiety I am told, but I still remember the days where mom fretted and Dad seemed to turn grey overnight. How Jem came home on weekends more often that year as well, I hadn't liked that year at all for multiple reasons.
"Rye pushed me to figure it out," Walter says quietly and his cheeks turn red.
"Well, Rye's a good guy," Di chips in as she looks over at Nan who was busy on her phone. "I like Rye and clearly he's a keeper if he's able to put up with you," she nudges him. Her voice is full of tease.
"So do I," I tell him as I see Ken come into the living room holding a glass of juice and a plate with a few of my vitamins and a cut-up pear. I silently pass him out daughter so he could hold her as I eat my snack.
"I never told you thank you," Ken says to Walter who looks at him sharply. I look between them unsure of what Ken meant. "You told Meg that I was looking for work. You had my resume from proofreading it back in November," Ken said. "You gave it to her, who forwarded it to her boss. It took me a while to put it together, so Thank you." Ken says once more at the end.
I look at Walter who was quietly thinking.
"I only sent it along, the rest was your own doing," Walter says with a shrug. "Plus, at the end of the day, my niece deserves to have a father who can at the very least support himself, and her."
Walter's not good at apologizing, Walter isn't good at admitting he was wrong most of the time, not verbally at least. For him actions often speak louder than words, and if he helped Ken get a job? Maybe there was hope for them after all?
"Well, thanks all the same," Ken sans pausing a moment to kiss Elowen's downy head. "They said if I go for my masters that we can work out a schedule that allows me to do school, work and even possibly helping teach a few classes down the road."
"Are you?" I ask Ken as this was news to me.
Ken shrugs his free shoulder. "It wouldn't hurt to have, while I have no real want to teach high school. Though teaching college or university one day might be something worthwhile," Ken explains.
"Well, we all know that entry-level museum work pay is in peanuts," Walter says before getting up. "You can thank me down the road, I have to go call Rye, he should be done work."
I open my mouth to tell him to stay, but Walter leaves before I can manage to.
"So where does exactly Elowen come from?" Di asks as she watches Ken walk a few steps as he patted her on the back with the blanket over his shoulder.
"It's Cornish, meaning elm tree," Ken explains. "It was a happy medium of a few names we liked but weren't sure about." Ken looks at me smiling as I watch him walk with Elowen. "Though Rilla likes to call her Owen, which Dad is rather smug about." He says as Elowen lets out a cry.
"What is wrong Elowen?" I hear Ken say quietly, I watch Walter who was standing near the basement stairs, watching Ken with a look on his face that isn't exactly clear on what he's thinking. "You just ate?" He looks at me and I nod my head.
"With a clean diaper," I say taking a bite of pear.
"She probably wishes to be swaddled?" Owen says coming through from the kitchen, smiling at his son before he quickly takes a photo of Ken and Elowen from himself. "Newborns like to feel snug and safe," he tells us.
"When did you arrive?" I ask about to get up, but Owen shakes his head towards me.
"While you both napping," He said with a smile as reaches for her and motions for Ken to lay out the light blanket that was already laying about. We watch him as he expertly swaddles he before cradling her in his arm. "Is that better Miss Owen?" Owen says, clearly smitten that she shares his name.
We wait for a moment, holding our breath thinking he may have solved the issue, but not a moment later she lets out another cry. Which isn't soothed or rocked away despite Ken and his father trying. I motion for her to which he does and she snuggles herself into my shoulder and I let out a sigh.
So this is going to be life?
We eventually sit down for dinner, the old table lengthens with the additional slats, and chairs pulled out from hiding places. Elowen safely in her Moses basket beside me as I eat my dinner without complaint. Probably the first time in a long time as I still hungry from the long hours of labour.
"So how is Jerry Nan?" Mom asks Nan who looks up from her plate, I see something flash across her face.
"He's good, just busy with work and church," Nan seems to settle with after a moment of thought.
"Really because it sounded like you were fighting when you told him we were driving up to see Rilla," Di says looking at her twin. "Oww, why did you kick me?"
"Is everything all right?" Mom looks at her worried. "I was speaking to Rosemary the other day at the grocery store and even she and John are, worried about him. Something about him going off on Una about life choices over at Easter."
"It's fine, we just fought that's all, and it wasn't about you," Nan directs to me at the end. "It will smooth over. No one needs to worry about it, it's fine. It's silly stuff really it will blow over," Nan tries to end the conversation and Jerry.
It worked fairly well as the conversation moved to other topics. Leslie and Mom were talking about how much baby things have changed. While Dad and Owen were talking about privacy concerns before they turned to me.
"The choice is entirely yours of course, but for special occasions at the studio. Well, we often congratulate coworkers on new family arrivals, marriages, grandchild. My producer asked if you wouldn't mind a photo of Ken and me with Elowen be shown on the News when I return? We wouldn't mention you by name, or even your face for your privacy, given the obvious. We don't even have to show her face entirely. There are plenty of family photos that she is fairly well hidden." Owen says to me.
"Oh! Umm?" I say chewing my lip.
"I don't need an answer right away, it's your choice. I won't have them show a photo without your permission. You and Ken can discuss it and decide together. As I said it's just my producer thinking out loud."
"Do they know?" I ask hesitantly.
"They know you are younger than Ken, but they don't know specifics," Leslie speaks up. "As her mother, it's all in your hands to what you wish to share or have us share with the public. We know you are fine with Facebook and Instagram, but national television is another realm of social media."
I nod my head. "I'll think about it," I tell them looking at Ken wondering what he thought of it all. I didn't have much time to dwell on it though. As Shirley appears out of nowhere slipping into the empty spot next to me and Elowen who was somehow sleeping through all the talk.
"So you're home, and so is the newest addition?" Shirley says in greeting.
"We are, still tired, but I am sure that will be my new state of living. Tired." I tell him. "No Wynnie?"
"She figured there were enough people around today," Shirley says looking at Elowen.
"You can hold her later if you want," I offer him.
"I don't think I ever held a baby before," Shirley admits.
"Well, neither have I until someone put her in my arms," I tell him. "I still feel like I'm going to drop her."
"You won't drop her," Ken speaks up for me and Shirley looks at Ken.
"You look like you're on cloud nine?" He directs to Ken with a knowing smile.
Ken grins and shrugs and leans back and steals a peek at Elowen and picks her up when she makes the slightest waking sound.
"He'll do pretty much anything for her," I tell Shirley. "He was great to have around, even the doctor was impressed. Not once did he faint, or panic when it came down to it."
"I may have not panicked or fainted, but my heart raced and I felt completely out of my depth and useless at times," Ken admitted as he calmed Elowen while eating with one hand.
Seriously how did it come so easily for him?
It was late when Owen and Leslie looked at the time, Ken and I still in our exhausted state mostly watch our daughter sleep in my room up in my room. Ken has a good long cuddle with her tucked into his unbuttoned shirt before we laid her down in her bassinet.
"It's time to go, Ken," Leslie says from my doorway. We look at her and watch her leave.
"She's so tiny," Ken says for the hundredth time since she was born.
"She's not that tiny," I tell him, still thinking about everything that I had gone through the day previous.
"I don't want to leave her," Ken whispers. "I didn't know, I didn't realize it be this hard to leave her every night."
I look at him and realize he was crying. It set me off as we end up clinging to each other hands with tears
I didn't care about waking her as she sleeps, knowing she'll most likely be hungry soon enough. I pick her up and carry her down the stairs following Ken.
The night is still cool as I stand out on the porch, but she was still wrapped up in her blanket.
"You'll be back in the morning," I try to comfort him, sniffling through my tears, but I'm also scared out of my mind to have her alone for the first time. I was barely a few days into healing, my boobs were tender and only meant to get worse.
He kisses her head, choking back a sob when she catches his finger when he stroked her little palm.
It must have taken all the strength he had to walk away. It took everything in me to watch the car pull out of the driveway.
I go back upstairs, and it's another feed, another burp but this time I was alone. Back in her bassinet I quickly use the washroom and wash my face and put on clean pyjamas.
I lay back in my bed, the bassinet pulled close as it could be.
God, what did I do? Is this life? Feeding, Diapering, Crying, snuggles that made me was to cry and relish in the most delightful feeling I ever felt.
Somewhere between my crying and fits of sleep, I smell my mom's cherry blossom perfumes wrap around me.
Thank you everyone for your comments regarding this story over the past 30 chapters. It's always interesting to see your thoughts about things and more often than enough they make my day! And I know how much time comments can take so thank you again! To all my Lurkers and Kudo givers thank you as well for just staying with the story!
Tina