Lils- Thank you! I hope you enjoy this one as well!
July
12 weeks.
"All right, why don't we work on the math, get that out of the way?" The older lady says to me as she goes through her paperwork. "Probably easier one on one than in a classroom of twenty kids." Ms. Susan Baker wasn't much older than my mother or father, she had greying dark hair, that was pulled back in a barrette. She reminded me a bit of the actress Meryl Streep in many ways.
I lightly bounce Owen on my knee who was due for a nap, but more interested in the strange woman in her house at the moment, or maybe it was the large frame glasses. As I look at my worksheet, frowning. It feels like a lifetime ago I had thought about math.
"Shh, shh," I kiss the top of her head as she fussed.
"Let me try and take her?" The older woman asked. "My great-nephew was a right terror when he was this little."
"She has her days," I say with a sigh. "As long and I don't eat anything with soy in it, grapefruit or a lot of garlic she fairly happy?" I tell her passing her over.
"Oh Jims never had issues with food, his mother Mindy could feed him almost anything, he's quite a tall little boy these days. " Susan tells me as I nod my head.
I hear a lot about Jims, Jims this, Jims that. Or it's Cousin Sophia, it's rather comical at times but it makes this whole summer school thing interesting I suppose?
She comes in the morning, at 8:30 as I put Owen down for her morning nap after my workout and breakfast. The first day was just gathering my interests and where I stood intellectually and grade-wise. I have a feeling she had that from mom, but she worked with me to tailor work to what I find interesting which is nice.
So now I work on some schoolwork until Owen wakes up after a morning nap which ranges from long to short on any given day. When she wakes I usually end up reading out on the patio while nursing before continuing talking about what I just had read. Today she woke up a little later and now nap time was thrown off.
I only hoped she wouldn't be too off today since we were supposed to go out this afternoon. Something Olivia and Ken planned together, A few hours of fun in honour of my birthday.
Yes, it was my birthday and at first strange working on schoolwork on my summer birthday. Or the fact I still had to do school work on my birthday(but it was my first week into this whole thing).
Beyond being a rather competent teacher she's also like a baby whisperer. As she somehow managed to get Owen down in her nap in her swing most morning without an issue. She spends the rest of the morning helping me with my math problems. She's patient, but brisk in her delivery that has no frills. She never makes me feel worthless or silly for not understanding though, which I am grateful for.
"Susan, how everything going?" Mom asks coming through the back door carrying a cake box.
"Lovely Anne, I think Rilla will manage her last year just fine if she puts her head to it." She tells my mother.
"I'll be back tomorrow, have a good birthday. If you can manage another chapter of the Chrysalids I would like to talk about it tomorrow."
"I'll try my best," I tell her with a nod as I stack my papers to the side and go investigate the cake box.
"Shoo, it's a surprise," Mom tells me guarding it.
"It's my birthday cake!" I whine.
"Yes, and no one sees their cake until it's brought to them," Mom reminds me. A rule firmly put in place when a bunch of curious kids got into the cake well before dinner before.
"Fine," I groan. "Do you mind if I go shower?" I ask, but really I was asking her to watch Owen for a few minutes while I went upstairs.
"Go," Mom says waving me off. "She'll be fine, I have to run out in an hour though to do something."
"I won't be long," I tell her. "Ken is coming to pick me up later so we can pick up Olivia ." I remind her.
"Yes, yes, I remember," Mom nods her head, I swoop down and kiss Owens forehead before skipping up the stairs.
I shower quickly and as I was towelling off I hear my phone go off.
It was a group chat as there was a bunch of us who were supposed to get together and hang out this afternoon for my birthday. Mainly Ken, Olivia and Robby who just arrived himself.
Was thinking since it's nice out and not raining as it was supposed to be. Beach day maybe?- Olivia asks.
As long as we find some shade for Elowen it should be fine, I think Xav or Steve has a large umbrella and they live at the beach. Let me call them- Ken responds a moment later.
I game for anything that gets me out of the house- I add into the conversation.
Meg and Sasha are there with Steve, Xav says he's done work at 1 and can meet us there- Ken replies.
Now I just have to tell mom about the change of plans. I sigh to myself and quickly wrap myself and decide to braid my hair out of the way if I was going to go to the beach. Thankfully I hadn't washed my hair, just letting the hot water relax my muscles and wash away whatever spit-up and dried milk I had on me.
Mom was clearly not enthused at the change of plans when I told her as I looked for one of the many beach bags we had lying around.
"Who brings a three-month-old baby to the beach?" Mom says shaking her head as I pack my bag, and Owens bag, following me up the stairs and putting Owen in her bassinet.
"Well, what else am I supposed to do with her?" I look at mom. "It's not like I can leave her here by herself?"
"It's supposed to be hot today," Mom frets.
"So I'll keep her in the shade and keep her hat on, if she gets overly warm we can test out the water?" I reply trying to resist the urge to roll my eyes. "Olivia is coming with Robby and Ken will be there with some of his friends. Plus it's essentially like a birthday party and it is no different from taking her to a park today and hanging out there. It's not that hot out." I tell her as through in some diapers and a UV swimsuit for Owen into her bag. Ken said he would get some swim diapers if we did bring her into the water.
I look at my bathing suits, frowning as I hunt through my drawers. Did I only own bikinis? Surely I had one random one-piece?
I grab the one that looks like the most supportive and high-waisted set. I don't even bother telling mom to leave was I pull off my shirt and bra and pull it on over my head. Wiggling it down and tucking my boobs into it before I tie up the strings in the back. I would need a nursing pad to be safe, but otherwise, it fits decently well.
"Well, don't forget your sunscreen," Mom sighs.
"I won't," I tell her still not looking at her. "I don't think I can forget a thing really," I say under my breathe, and I can picture her pursed lips as I do. She won't forbid me to go, at this point she knows I won't really listen to her. Then again I also don't fully trust her, which she also knows. I hold my bikini bottoms in my hands turning around, and she shakes her head and walks out without a word. I close my door and finish putting on my swimsuit.
I don't feel confident in it, but it makes my stomach look decently flat. It covers up my stretch marks and most of my butt. It's only a few inches of midriff that you can see. I throw on my beach cover-up before I could think more about it. I would just have to work harder at these last few pounds.
For Owen, I dress her in a little light sundress that came with a matching bonnet. I packed a sweater just in case she gets a little chilly and a pair of little socks.
"Are you excited to see Daddy?" I ask her as she seems to smile at the word Daddy as if she understands me. "Meet a few more people?"
"Are you ready?" I hear Ken ask behind and I jump slightly.
"Don't scare me like that!" I chastise him. "And just about?" I say looking around making sure I had everything I could possibly need. "I didn't hear you come in?"
"Your mom saw me coming," Ken says. "She asked if I had some sort of umbrella for shade?"
"She's just fretting, god forbid I do something fun and forget about making sure Owen doesn't get too much sun?" I explain as I pick up and hand him his daughter as I grab my two bags.
"Got enough?" He eyes the bags in jest.
"Just enough for two spit-ups, a few diaper explosions and a hurricane?" I say playing into his joke as I pick up Owen and we go down the stairs. Promising to be back in time for dinner.
We did talk after my last blow-up at him, or tried to anyway? Maybe we were naive to think that this would be easy? He tried last Wednesday to take her for the majority of the afternoon, but her stubbornness with the bottle made things difficult. He came back with a screaming baby who would only be soothed by a long feed and cuddle, feeling almost defeated. I guess the times previous were all just a fluke? Dad said something about while it tasted like my milk, it didn't smell like me which made her reject it. Also explained why she might take formula from Ken and not my pumped breastmilk.
She was a picky child.
"So where does Olivia live again?" Ken asks as he gets into the driver's side after placing Owen in the backseat.
"Just off north pointe road, up near the bridge," I tell him as I do up my seat belt.
"Roger that," Ken says pulling out of the driveway from my house. "Happy Birthday also," he flashes me a smile.
"Thank you," I say turning in my seat slightly to rattle a toy when our daughter began to fuss in her car seat.
Seventeen, I was officially seventeen on my champagne birthday as I was born on the 17th of July. To think of the past year is still a little surreal, but my little nugget was clearly in her car seat.
"Shit," I mutter out loud as I looked at the time on the radio. I grab my purse, in the busyness of the morning I lost track of time. I rifle through it before I find them, I pop out the small pill and grab my water bottle.
Ken raises an eyebrow but says nothing. Clearly, I couldn't even be trusted to even remember to take a pill every morning, yet here I was responsible for an infant?
I make a face at him, and there was no time for him to respond as he pulled into Olivia's driveway. She was waiting outside with Robbie and stepbrother and Kwan who waved at us.
She waves goodbye before sliding into the car.
"Sorry if it's tight," Ken tells him.
"It's fine," Robby says. "Nice to meet you and thank you for the lift."
"No worries, we're all heading to the same place," Ken says waiting for them to settle in.
"Happy birthday!" Olivia says gleefully, reaching across and managed to put some birthday crown on my head. Before she fastened her seat belt and leaned to chatter in baby talk to Owen.
"Thank you," I laugh at her.
The beach is fairly busy, but Ken's friends had managed to find a shady spot and already put up a big umbrella. I hunker down on the blankets spread out and take Owen out of her car seat. Once settled, I waved at Sasha and Meg who come running over from the shoreline. Both looking tan and had braids in their hair. Both wearing incredibly tiny little bathing suits, that made me feel even more self-conscious about my own choice. How mom-is was it?
"Oh my god, she is adorable!" They gush as they fall at my feet.
"The photos Ken shows us really aren't the same," Sasha tells me. I'm a little startled as the last time I had even met them was at the board game cafe."
Someone had brought a speaker to the beach and music was blasting from the speakers from someone's phone.
Olivia grins at me as she strips down to her two-piece that was bright and floral, with a pair of plain black short bottoms.
"You're not going to stay in that are you?" She asks me and I sigh and lay Owen down on the blankets well into the shade. I stand up so I can pull off my cover-up and quickly sit back down and find a position that I was comfortable sitting in.
"It's really not fair! You had a baby three months ago and you still look better than half of the beach," Sasha exclaims.
"Well, at least half of the beach isn't constantly leaking milk into every top they own?" I tell her looking over at Olivia was who spraying down Robby with the sunscreen. "Nor am, I actually even at my pre-pregnancy weight yet," I say quietly. I look over at Ken who was pulling off his tee shirt as he laughed with the guys. I see Olivia wink at me laughing and I blush and look away.
"Seriously? God, you must have been crazy tiny, either way, you look great for just having a baby," She reiterates to me and I frown.
For having a baby, that phrase is so innocently praising yet so hard to hear at the same time.
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you without leggings on?" Olivia blurts out and I look down at my pasty white legs as I slather on sunscreen.
"Yes, sorry if I glow in the sunlight," I tell her, self-consciously squeezing my thighs together and adjusting how I was sitting. "Can someone?" I ask motioning to my back and shoulders. Olivia looks at me as her hands were already lathering up her own boyfriend. I move Owen to sit in my lap.
"Here," Ken says stepping up and I pass him the sunscreen and moved my hair out of the way. I try not to react or pay attention to his hands on the skin of my shoulders. For all of the mishaps and miscommunication, it was clear as day to me that whatever we shared when I was pregnant was still there. It was just dormant as we figured out how to navigate this life.
"So I hear it's someone's birthday today?" I hear someone say behind me.
"Walter!" I exclaim, clambering up with Owen in my arms. She doesn't like being jostled about as she cries out. "Look its, Uncle Walter!" I whisper and kiss her cheek.
"My god she got so big," Walter says taking her from her. "Look at her Rye, those chubby little cheeks." I notice for the first time that Rye was here too.
Walter sits down next to me and I pass her to him as Rye sits down next to us, covering my legs with one of her blankets that I had like it was second nature to me.
"Do you think you'll have a one, one day?" I ask them.
"Sweetie, we're two men," Walter tells me with an amused look. "We don't have the needed parts."
"I mean like adopting or something, obviously," I give him a look. "Can't you pay some woman to have a baby for you anyway?"
"It's a bit more complicated than that," Walter says looking at his boyfriend. "Honestly, we haven't spoken much about it. We're rather happy as we are right now?"
"Very happy," Rye says with a nod of his head.
"You didn't say you were coming? How did you know where I was?" I ask him.
"Mom told me, and then I texted Ken to get an approximate location," He told me with a grin. "I wouldn't miss your birthday, I was the first one of us to see you in the hospital after all."
"You sound happier," I comment quietly.
"I'm doing better," Walter says with a nod of his head. "At least that is what the therapist says and Rye as well."
"Well, you aren't waking up and writing at three am to write dark romantic poetry," Rye said nudging him. "So I call that a win."
I smile, thinking back to my conversation with dad about six years ago. "Well no one needs another Shelley, he was a douche bag anyway," I tell them and I see Walter look at me amused. "What I take English Class I know about romantic era poets." I huffed. "I'm glad though," I tell him. "I would never want you to go through 'that' time again."
Walter frowns at the mention of his episode, it's not a curse in my head. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, you're allowed to talk about it. It affected everyone," Walter shakes his head, his hands self-consciously rubbing down his arms and covering his own scars. "It turned everyone's lives upside down for a while."
I give a small sad smile and we talk about happier times and eventually, I get up and walk to the water with Owen in my arms.
"This is the ocean," I tell her kissing the top of her head. "We live on an island, so the ocean is all around us," I explain as if she knows what I am talking about.
"Don't you dare take a photo of me with my butt in full view!" I call out to Ken who had his camera out.
"You look fine," Ken said coming over to me as I place Owen's little feet on the cool wet sand from the ocean.
"It's like a very large bathtub," I explain as the waves splash up on her toes. It startles her to the point she lets out a howl. "Oh you poor little dear, did the bad, bad water touch your little toes?" I scoop her up, kissing her little cheeks.
"Let me take her for a minute," Ken says to me holding out his arms for her, the small black braided cord still around his wrist. A small charm, with an E on it for Elowen, it wasn't much but I was at a loss of what to get him and it had been Olivia's mother who had helped me with the idea.
"See it's all right, daddy is here," he tells her as she buries herself into the crock of his neck. I shake my head, walk towards where Olivia was waving at me.
"He was totally checking out your ass for the past half hour," She tells me nudging me. "Though really I don't blame him, I thought it looked good in leggings, but damn girl," Olivia whistles at me and I blush. Though I did enough plies in dance that even I knew it looked good even in a tutu.
"Come on," Olivia grabs my hands and drags me back towards the water, running until she dropped my hand and dived into a wave.
I was laughing, I was having fun as the group trudged our way back to the shore. Walter was currently holding Owen in his arms, in the shade letting me have a few minutes of fun.
"Watch this!" I call out to her as I run, and let the cartwheel motion take over.
"What about a handstand?" Meg says running over to me.
"A handstand!" I take a deep breath and work myself into a handstand, waving my feet around like I was bicycling. I was laughing which wasn't helping my balance but I managed to straighten my legs high up in the air.
"I can still do it! Ha!" I laugh…."Oh shit!" I say as I feel myself sway.
"I got you!" Ken says grabbing my legs for me. Effectively helping me not tumble over, but that also meant his hands were holding my thighs. For a brief moment, I felt him run over the faint white lines. I can only imagine what it looks like to him. Maybe he thinks it's stretch marks? He is a guy after all? But I feel him quietly trace another before letting me drop my leg. God, how had I forgotten about them?
I lower my one leg and foot to the ground and he helps me keep stable as I lower the other one. There are too many people around to ask about it, but I can see Olivia giving me a weird us. While Walter was clearly glaring at Ken for his prolonged touch of my thigh.
"It works best on hard surfaces," I laugh as I try not to let what just happened to bother me. I run back to our spot and take Owen from my brother who was being a bit fussy for him.
"Are you hungry?" I ask her, bouncing her lightly. I settle down on one of the blankets.
"Need help?" Olivia asks as I look at the inside of my bathing suit top and frown at the sand in it.
"Please, just cover me for a moment?" I ask grabbed my water bottle and when I was hidden I pour water over myself, washing away the sand and let Owen latch on. "Thanks," I tell her.
"Just doing my job," Olivia grins and I shake my head and look back down at Owen.
"Everything all right?" Ken asks coming up and grabbing his water bottle and taking a drink looking down at me.
"Just having some lunch," I tell him, not looking him in the eye. I don't want to see the questioning or pity in them right now.
Still
I knew it was coming as soon as he got me alone. Maybe not today it is my birthday after all, but it will be addressed, he never lets these subjects go. He's never been afraid to call me out on them. This would be no different.
"Oi what you looking at?" Olivia yells at a young man who was starring at me, breaking my thoughts. "Never seen a baby eating before!" I laugh and shake my head. Though next thing I know is Olivia was thrusting a brightly wrapped gift in my face.
"I told you not to!" I tell her to which she shrugs at with a grin.
"It's nothing much really," She tells me, but really it was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. It was pictures of us together in a scrapbook, I didn't realize how many she had of us, of me in the hallways of school at my locker. Obviously, pregnant in most of them, I don't think I have this many pictures of myself pregnant on my own camera roll. As I flipped through it came to some of the early photos with me on FaceTime with her in labour. Those tired calls when Owen was still a grumpy newborn, to up to our last hang out in the park.
I ugly cry, as I pull her into a hug, snot and tears running down my face. Owen doesn't appreciate the invasion of her space as she breaks latch and cries. I quickly adjust her, wiping off the milk that sprayed her before getting her back to nursing.
"Did you just spray her with your boob?" Olivia asks amused and I shrug.
"It happens, I threatened Ken once when he kept distracting her that if he kept doing what he was doing. I would aim it at him the next time he distracted her," I told her and I look over at Ken who scored a goal with their small soccer game happening.
"Did you?" Olivia asks and I only grin at her.
We pack up when our phone tells us it is almost four in the afternoon. It would be dinnertime soon, we drop off Olivia and Robby who politely declined dinner. I shook my head and chuckled, I shouted be safe to them through the window.
Ken is still quiet on the rest of the way home where there are a few extra cars when we got back to my home. I recognized Jem's car instantly, Ken grabs the car seat and follows me inside.
"Happy Birthday, I can't believe my baby sister is 17, god I feel old," Jem says when he sees me and pulls me into a tight hug.
"Great, I must be ancient," I head Joy mutter under her breath behind Jem. "Happy Birthday Rilla," She said kissing my cheek.
"Kenneth," Jem says acknowledging Ken for the first time.
"James," Ken says simply back to him as he took off his shoes and placed the car seat on the ground and unbuckled our daughter. "Would you like to meet your niece?" He asks.
I watch Jem melt, as he takes Owen for the first time.
"Hi there, I'm your Uncle Jem aren't you adorable, Faith looks at how adorable she is?"
"Hold up their big guy," Faith tells him. "Don't go having baby fever on me! You still have your residency to get through before we even entertain the idea of children."
"If you want a test run you can give her, her bath and change her diaper?" I tell them and Jem chuckles and Faith shakes her head at Jem who was now going off, thinking it will be the cutest experience of his life.
"Happy Birthday Rilla," Wynnie says appearing near us with Shirley in tow.
"Thank you," I smile at her and then I hear a low grumble. "Thank you as well Tank," I squat down and pat the basset hound's head. He came along with Wynnie, so far he was pretty fun to have around. He mostly stays in the basement, and out in the yard.
I pick at my BBQ'ed chicken as we sat outdoors on the back patio for supper. Still not feeling it really, as I missed my marinated tofu. Everyone is chatting around me, Jem was still enthralled with Owen who sat on his lap. Who had just woken up and had her own supper not too long ago. Ken who was sitting beside me was going on about her various little milestones to him and Walter. How he remembered everything was beyond me sometimes.
It was mom who puts a large strawberry shortcake in front of me after dinner. Angel food cake, whipped cream and fresh strawberries. A light cake that isn't loaded with a bunch of fats and sugars and real fruit. Sometimes she does seems like she actually knows me.
I blow out the candles after everyone sings me happy birthday, and it was Aunt Marilla who ends up cutting the cake. As I take back my now fussy child, resorting to eating my cake with her in my lap. Not a way I thought my seventeenth birthday would go that is for sure!
I have a small pile of presents which I open slowly after we finish our dessert. A lot of them are practical, like a gift card to a salon from Joy because my hair is a mess and shedding. Aunt Marilla gave me a gift card to the mall so I could get something I wanted for myself. Mom and Dad gave me a gift card to the local coffee shop, which I hadn't expected since they are supporting me and Owens but I thanks them profusely.
My other siblings though went in together and got me a gift card to the dance store. I almost cried when I read the amount, it enough for almost four pair pairs of pointe shoes, or whatever I would need. But who was I kidding it would go all to pointe shoes!
When I opened Kens I was rather shocked when I turned to look at him.
"I know you love them and they are coming in the fall. I figure I can take Owen for a few hours and Olivia and you can go see them." He explains. "Dad helped me get the tickets," he added on when I noticed that they were meet and greets.
"Thank you, thank you!" I hug him and bounce in my sit lightly. "Thank you, everyone," I say to everyone.
I hope everyone is enjoying this! I hope everyone had a good week! Tomorrow I get to go see the wedding dress I made for a museum at the museum! I also signed myself up for Ballet today!
Tina