Thank you all for the lovely reviews of last! they mean the world to me! Hope you enjoy this one as well!

To Guest.

It is very much a way to regain yourself, and dealing with trauma is something personal and every does it in their own way as well. I find writing about it helps in many ways. it's cathartic for me at the end of the day. Also If you ever need someone to listen to you, who might understand it on the same level, i'm always around through PM. I'm glad you doing better these days!

August 2018
14 weeks/Four months

"The small province of Prince Edward Island is reeling from the recent exposure of a child predator who worked as a tutor during his high school and college years. Over a dozen victims, many of who are still not even graduated high school have come forward with additional evidence against of Issac McKnight. It is now known that Mcknight, took indecent photographs of young girls without their knowledge along with various accounts of unwanted advancements and molestation." The local newscaster says through the television.

"The case has been open and in an investigation for over two months when the RCMP asked a local high school principal to help the RCMP identifying victims, on the hard drive a computer store owner had turned in."

It cuts to Mom's voice on the television.

"It was a horrifying experience, I recommended him to other parents at the moment. Not only as a teacher and principal but as a parent as well. I failed so many children including my very own."

"When the RCMP came to me, I knew I had a duty to these students. I named who I could name and did my best until it became impossible. No parent dreams of this happening, but then it did. I remember rushing out of the room, trying not to be sick. I remember looking at Inspector Wright and saying that is my child and I know exactly who took all of these photos"

It cuts back to the reporter at her desk.

The local Principal refused to comment on her own family's experience surrounding the case, but admits that seeing one of her children on the screen reminded her that no one is protected."

"Inspector Fred Wright and Inspector Valerie Morris who are heading the case, ask if any other person who has had employed Issac Knight and may have information, who have not been contacted. To contact the Main Detachment of the RCMP in Charlottetown."

We talked about what we want to go out as a family, so none of this is a shock to me. I look down and give Owen an extra cuddle as she sleeps against me. Two weeks had passed since that day, word trickled down the grapevine of siblings. All trying to check-in, but trying to make it seem like it was normal everyday things. Walter tried to apologize, but I wouldn't have it. To blame him didn't make sense, he wasn't the one who didn't get what I was trying to say to them.

Walter comes to sit down beside me. He hadn't said anything about visiting, but he showed up, pulling me into a large bear hug, earlier this afternoon. Mom went out to see Aunt Diana and Uncle Fred. While Dad was working the night shift at the hospital. I had chastised him for taking more time off work since he had already come for my birthday, but he shrugged it off. Family emergency, they didn't even really question it according to him.

"Are you nervous?" He asks and I shrug lightly not wanting to disturb my daughter. "It's normal to be nervous?"

"If I say yes, will you stop bothering me about it?" I look at him and he flashes me a grin. "I'm a bit nervous yes."

"It will fairly simple the first session," Walter tries to reassure me. "Mostly just getting to know you and what you may wish to talk about with them."

"I know," I tell him quietly.

"So, do you think we can dress her up as Columbia for Halloween?" Walter asks out of the blue.

"You want to dress her up like the groupie from Rocky Horror?" I look at him and he grins at me. "How about something cute like a pumpkin or bunny this year?" I tell him. "Though I doubt it will be a big thing," I add on.

"Mom loves Halloween though!" Walter exclaims.

"So?" I say, still not fully believing mom would even want me carting around a five-month-old to go trick or treating. Not sure if I want to be the circus show either. At least Walter gives up and we sit in silence for a moment.

"You didn't hide it because of me and their reaction to me did you?" Walter asks quietly. "I didn't stop you from telling them or getting help, did I? I know those days weren't the best, and I can't imagine it must have looked like to you. I wasn't exactly forthcoming most days about getting help for myself as much as they tried to get me help."

I frown, thinking back to the day I came home from school. It wasn't uncommon for Aunt Diana to be around, but that day mom was just crying. I raced up to Walter's room, and it was perfectly clean, except for an empty pill bottle. It was Dad that thankfully found him, and called an ambulance while working on his own son.

"It wasn't like that," I tell him. "It was just away, I don't know to feel things?" I admit to him. "It was easy to hide," I add keeping to the same details I told mom and dad. Still carefully guarding things close to my heart. Still not ready to admit it, still not ready to face any potential fallout from it.

"You know I thought it was just what I did that changed you Rilla-My-Rilla," Walter admits. "When I came back home, you seemed different I put it to growing up because you were quieter. I tried so hard to try and cheer you up, to show you that I was getting better."

"Yes, because bringing twelve-year-old me, to Rocky Horror Picture Show was the best idea?" I tease him lightly.

"It made you laugh, though knowing what I know now, I'm surprised you took to it?" Walter frowns.

"It was the dancing and music, and you did cover my eyes in places," I remind him as I rub Owens back gently soothing her as she wiggled and grunted in her sleep. Dr. Morgan frowned upon such naps of course, but they were too precious to give up right now.

"What are you going to do about school?" Walter asked me.

"Mom managed to get a spot at the daycare across the street for her," I tell him. "If it goes well I can nurse right before school starts, rush over at lunch to feed again, pick her up at the end of the day," I explain to him. "She's still not taking to a bottle all that well, sometimes she will if it's Ken and formula. Though if he tries and realizes that it's my food but not my scent, she will reject it." I try to explain to him. "We'll see how it goes I guess?"

"That seems like a lot, not much time for anything else?" Walter frowns.

"Well, I was the one who went had a baby in high school," I remind him.

"How's Ken doing?"

"You know you can ask him that?" I remind him.

"I know, we text occasionally lately, but I want an outsider view?" Walter responds simply

"He's good I think, he works a lot, spends most of his time here when he's not working," I tell him simply. "Neither of us has much time for a life, he takes today( which is Tuesday) and Thursday evening for himself to do things he needs to do. He moved around his Thursday schedule so he can do things before work, but that means he gets home later. He's taking Owen tomorrow solo tomorrow for the afternoon, it will be interesting to see how that goes for him."

"Solo?" Walter raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I say simply. "Dad's idea, gives me at least an hour or so, to I don't know reflect, decompress, I guess after counselling?"

"Makes sense since it's your first time, though don't be afraid to speak up if you don't feel comfortable or confident enough to speak to them. Sometimes they aren't the right fit and thats all right," Walter tells me. "Don't stick around thinking it will get better, because it won't."

"Personal experience?" I ask. "Aunt Diana recommended this lady, so I'm sure it will be fine?" I say to him.

"Yeah," Walter says with a sigh. "Where are mom and dad?" He asks for the first time since he arrived.

"Gone out," I say simply as Owen stretches. "Someone is finally awake," I say greeting her and kissing the top of her head. "Do you want to play with Uncle Wally?" I whisper to her.

"She's never calling me Uncle Wally," Walter says sternly. "It's Uncle Walt or Walter," he tells her. "She has your eyes sis, colour is still out for grabs, but she has those big expressive, crinkled-up eyes when she sleeps."

"You can help with bath time later if you want?" I tell him.

"Sure," Walter grins. "Though we should probably order something or dinner, or find something for dinner." He says out loud looking at the clock. "I'm starving anyway."

"I was just going to have some salad," I tell him, and it was the truth I was going to have some salad. A salad that would make Olivia roll her eyes over, but salad nonetheless.

"Well, I'm ordering pizza, whether you eat it or not is your call," he tells me pulling out his phone.

"I'm a fairly strict no soy diet," I remind him. "It's easy to make my own food so I know nothing will upset the little princesses stomach. Unless you want a screaming baby all night and tomorrow, and the day after, actually for about a week, because it will take that long to fully leave my body." I tell him. "And that makes studying in the morning harder as well," I tell him as I cover myself for a moment before I get Owen started on her own dinner. Frowning as something felt off, I would ask mom about it later when she got it. Owen wasn't fussing so it couldn't be that bad.

"Yes your home studying," Walter said with a hum as I fixed my shirt and let her grab my finger as she nursed. It took me a good moment before I realized I never even answered Walter's question.

"Sorry, yeah, I mean I'll have one less class during the day per semester, maybe two come second," I explain to him. "Plus no uniform," I remind him.

"It's all right, I don't think I ever saw you so calm and into a moment," Walter admits. "I know you love her of course, but seeing it is different I suppose?"

I blush and look down at her. "It's easy to get lost in her," I say unsure what else to tell him.

"Well, I will let her eat, I will go order some dinner and call Rye," Walter says getting up from the couch, leaving me be.

"You know between your stinky bum, and all this eating you do," I say to Owen in a sing-song voice. "You really know how to clear a room."

Owen finishes and burps for me easily which lets me go to the washroom myself. before changing her diaper and wandering to the kitchen where I buckled her into her own reclining chair.

I settle into cutting up my vegetables as the back door opens. With Walter in comes Shirley with Wynnie while ordering pizza. Walter automatically ordering what he knew to be Shirley's favourite, looking at Wynnie who shook her head.

"I'll just have some of Lee's," she tells us. "And some salad if that is what you're making Rilla?"

"Plenty available, since these guys don't eat a vegetable most of the time for anything," I tease them. "Isn't that right, your uncles are allergic to anything healthy?" I tickle Owen who kicks out her legs and giggles at me in her chair.

"She's such a little lady aren't you?" Wynnie says coming up beside me. "Do you want to want to come to play piano with Auntie Wynnie?" She asks my baby who, obviously does not reply.

"Take her if you want," I tell her. "I'll finish the salad for us," I tell her. Wynnie smiles and unbuckles and takes Owen from her chair.

"Shall we go have some fun," she asks, "Of course, I think we can get Uncle Lee to play that for you." She continues talking as if Owen can talk back to her.

I look at Shirley who glares at me a little, but I know he loves when Owen is awake and chatty, he likes when's she's happy. He just always has a brief moment of panic when Wynnie steps into the role of Auntie.

I finish my salad prep as Shirley was showing off his skills to Owen, who occasionally babbled and shrieked loudly. They didn't stop playing until the doorbell rang and Walter went to pay for it.

We settle out on the veranda, eating our dinner chatting as we usually do.

"So how did you manage to get mom and dad to let you and Wynnie live in the basement?" Walters asks out of the blue when we had finished.

"I told them I was moving out?" Shirley grinned, as he leaned back on the patio chair, his arm about Wynnie. Walter was in the swing, and I was now on the ground with Owen, who was having tummy time with Tank who was old and unbothered by her curiosity.

"Don't pull Owen," I take her hand away from his long ear. "You can pet," I whisper to her, guiding her little hand to pet Tank.

I watch the clock carefully, gathering up Owen when it hit 7 pm I went to start her bath and put her down the first part of the night.

Walter helps as promised, possibly more surprised how splashy his niece was in the bath these days. Or good I have become at bathing her these days? Then it was another feed and I had her tucked away into bed. Snapping a photo I send it to Ken.

Not a few minutes he sends a heart back. Letting me know that he misses her.

So I'll be by about noon He writes not a moment later. I thought I can take her to home depot with me. I need to get some special light bulbs for the bathroom?

It's your day just have her back by four so I can feed her and you should be fine. I pumped a bit, so you will have a bottle to take with you just in case, if she wants to take it is up her.

Sound good, I hope tomorrow goes well for you :)

I sigh and fall onto my bed.

Thanks, I didn't think I would be this nervous, but Walter came home and he gave me a pep talk.

Well, if anyone knows anything about therapy or counselling it would be him. Glad that he came for you.

Me too, I'm gonna catch a few hours before she's up again. — I tell him and don't wait for him to reply as I toss my phone aside.

It was a long night, but I still drag myself out of bed and put on my workout attire as soon as Owen was fed at six-thirty am.
By 8 am Susan Baker was bustling through the kitchen as I drink myself a cup of coffee and had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. Walter drinking his own coffee and eating a banana. Shirley and Wynnie had yet to come upstairs and probably wouldn't for a while as neither had work until later that day. While Dad was still at work, and mom was still in bed with a headache this morning.

"Sorry about that," Susan comes back into the room, pocketing her old-style cell phone. Smartphones confused her, but in this day and age you need a cellphone so she has one. "Jims got into something and Minnie was beside herself." She said shaking her head. "Why don't I take her for a while," she asks motioning to Owen who was on my shoulder. I had only got her to stop crying a few minutes ago, thankfully already on her way down for her first nap of the day.

"She won't let you," I say automatically. "She had a bad night and really I'll be surprised if she lets Ken take her without screaming at him." Though the reality is I don't let anyone hold her lately. Even Ken has to practically pry her away from me when he was used to me practically thrusting her to him the moment he came through the door. I know it frustrates Ken who is as patient as he can be. We don't talk about the whole thing, but it's on the news and I know his parents know.

Susan bless her, tries her hardest to get me to concentrate but it's rather useless of a task as my mind is everywhere but my school work. Which doesn't make math any easier for me today, and like clockwork at almost ten o'clock, Owen starts waking up and I quickly get her nursing. It's always easiest when she's half-asleep, still too drowsy to focus on anything more than milk time. When she was finished and I quickly changed her it was Susan who suggests we go spend half of our lessons outside. "Why don't we try studying outside today? It's a beautiful day out?"

I only nod my head, and she helps me bring my books to the back veranda. I spread out a blanket on the grassy area beside me that was shady and place Owen on it. I settle onto the ground beside her and take my math binder from Susan and try to focus back on my worksheet.

The sunshine does help a little and Owen coos and gurgles as she wiggles around. I watched her a good minute before Mom comes silently outside with her cup of coffee. She sits in her favourite chair, watching Owen, or passing her a toy here and there and listens to Susan and I go back and forth about the novel I was reading. Now that I have managed to do my math questions.

There was some sort of bittersweetness to everything happening, as on the hot days of summer I wasn't trying constantly to cover up. I was still in a pair of yoga shorts that I slept in last night. High-waisted as ever but they shorts, and short ones at that!

I had gone out with Olivia to the thrift store and bought a few pairs of actual shorts last week. We, or should I say I had a long cry when I let it all out to her. Which prompted the retail therapy, that she said that I needed. Plus in her mind, if I was being honest about my struggles and not hiding them, I might as well show off my legs for a change. Leggings were amazing, but shorts in the middle of summer were far superior. Though it did take a few hours to get comfortable in them, to feel the occasional, brush of skin-on-skin as I walked.

Though it did cause a small rift between mom and me for a day. Even though I had budgeted carefully, Owen was well stocked for supplies, and they weren't even new! She thought it was unnecessary to buy summer clothes when I had a bunch, to begin with. I argued back, that they were from the thrift store and less than ten dollars a pair. Still, it caused some tension, and it's not like I didn't end up picking up a few things for Owen either. Really I didn't realize how much cheaper children's clothing could be second-hand. Why hadn't mom or dad consider that when buying everything?

"Anyone home?" I hear Ken call out as were finishing lunch at noon. Owen was already up from her nap and feed.

"Outback, Kenneth," Mom calls out for us and a moment later, he appears. Wearing a pair of khaki shorts and one of his band shirts, of a band I don't recognize.

"Good Morning, all," he says greeting us and we chime back with a good morning. "Hello, Sweetpea," he said gathering up Owen and kissing her. "I missed you," he whispered sitting down. "How was she?" He asks me as I get up and stretch out my back, and crack it, I can feel his focus on my bare legs for a brief second.

"Fussy overnight, but not too bad so far today," I tell him.

"Lunch?" Mom asks him pushing him a plate of sandwiches.

"Thanks, don't mind if I do," he says sitting down with Owen in his arms again and I just sit and watch him with her. Until mom reminds me that it's almost time to go.

"You should also put on some more appropriate clothing Rilla before we leave." She tells me and looks at me. Essentially she was telling me to put on better pants, or shorts that weren't so short.

"I was going too," I tell her rather stubbornly and she gives me a look.

"I'll be back," I tell Ken and go inside and up to my room. I throw on a pair of brown shorts I bought, that had some paper bag waist to them. Olivia said they were adorable, and a simple green top. I was just finishing up when there was a knock at my door.

"Someone needs a new romper," Ken tells me. "I swear she saves all the mess for me," he says holding as I open the door.

"Have at it," I tell him as he goes over to the changing table. I grab him a new romper and leave him to clean her up. She did have a habit of doing this to him. I couldn't help but laugh to myself as I went over her diaper bag once more.

"So everything is packed, and she just ate, she should be good until about 3 or 4, I'll be home by three though. She should nap around 2:30 for an hour or so. Don't let her sleep past four though," I tell him as I go over the diaper bag once more. Extra clothes, blankets, a stack of diapers and a fresh package of wipes. A soother, a bottle of milk, as we were still trying to get her to take the bottle more willingly.

"We'll be fine," Ken reassures me. "Just gonna do some shopping and maybe meet up at the cafe with Steve and Xav for a quick coffee while she naps." I give him a look, of 'good luck with that. Coffee shop, naps, how naive was he?

I watched him leave, as mom urges me to grab my own things and that we needed to head out ourselves. She was driving me, but dad was going to pick me up as she had her own appointment to keep at 1:45.

She helped me announce myself, and being the first visit she met the doctor as well for a few minutes before retreating to the waiting room. Telling me Dad would be here when I was finished.

Counselling was strange, it was strange to go some random stranger and talk about things, but she was nice overall. It's almost just as nice to get an hour of alone time, time to actually think for myself, about myself. Today was a simple start, much like Walter told me it would be. Though the reassurance that whatever I said was private between us and kept in this room. She would only ever be legally allowed to speak to my parents if she felt as if I was going to harm myself extremely.

It started off simply though asking why I was here and ultimately little things about my life. Things I could answer quietly and surely, though at times almost laughed at, because how does one admit she's the family screw up? That I'm a teen mom and has some fairly bad control issues surrounding her own body?

She said it gets easier, the talking part anyway.

I stick with the safe things, I stick with things that make sense to me. I stick to the topic of Issac, it's the reason I am here after all? I mention the never-ending life of a mother, my love of dance. More than once I look around the room, wondering just what Ken was doing with Owen, or if she missed me? She had to miss me? God, what if I start leaking in the middle of the session because I can't stop thinking about my baby? Yes, that can happen!

Dad was waiting for me when I finished up, already paying the bill.

"How are you feeling you? Are you up for a drive?" He asks as he takes the paperwork the receptionist gave him and folds it up, and sticks it into his back pocket.

"My one boob hurts," I say automatically, not what he was looking for, but I wasn't really into talking about the obvious. "I think I have a clogged duck, its tender and red"

"Have you tried hot compressing it?" Dad takes the bait as he feels my forehead, checking if I was warm. I wasn't.

"Not yet, I was hoping that a good nursing would cure it," I respond as I take the keys from him. "If it's that bothersome I'll try to pump it out before Ken drops Owen off."

"If you get a fever or it becomes painful I would call your doctor. You don't want to get mastitis," Dad tells me and I nod my head.

"Just tender most right now," I tell him.

"So how is Ken doing?" He asks curiously a beat later. "I think the first time I took Joy solo I was a sweating mess." He admits. "Though that was the 80s and it was strange to see the guy actively watching his child. I kept getting asked where her mother was, or if she was around." Dad says shaking his head. "Then of course when I said she was at school or just even at home having a moment to herself. It was like I some sort of mythical husband that didn't just think children were the wives responsibility."

I laugh lightly and shake my head. More than once when I wander off to grab something in another aisle when Ken was carrying Owen. There always seemed to be one to two girls flirting with him when I came back. So I could believe Dad's story.

"He hasn't called, but he sent me a photo of them together in home depot though," I tell him getting into the driving side. This driving thing was getting easier, but I still had yet to drive with Owen in the actual car. "He hasn't been saying much so I think it's going well he was going to meet some friends for coffee with her?"

"That is ambitious of him," Dad nods his head but chuckles.

"Well, either way, he's taking her for a few hours here and there. It's rather nice to not be carting around a baby everywhere I need to go." Which honestly wasn't a lot of places, but it still takes planning! Even just going to the second-hand store with Olivia took a lot of planning. From bus schedules and navigating nap and feedings. It was fun to be out, but exhausting at the same time!

I drive with Dad for a little bit, who while tired kept telling me I needed the practice. When we finally arrive home, it was almost three, and he kissed my forehead before going to take a short nap before dinner.

I was proven slightly right when Ken showed up at 3:45 with a crying baby and looking absolutely exhausted.

"How?" That was all he could get out before I took her from the car seat with a knowing look and shaking my head.

"You gave daddy a hard time didn't you?" I say to her grinning.