Note: This story occurs outside my usual story continuity. All characters are "off camera" so to speak.

Do You Like the Acolytes?

"Success!" Magneto crowed standing in front of a large monitor. "My plan is finally coming to fruition!"

"What do you mean?" Mastermind appeared and approached him. "Are we finally going to go out, achieve mutant superiority and seize our destiny of becoming the dominant species on the planet?"

"No, I'm talking about my other plan," Magneto said. "To cease having to endure all the crazy, pointless wackiness around here and bring an end to these stupid, insane Acolyte stories once and for all!"

"Yeah right. Like that will ever happen," Sabertooth growled joining his companions. "You really think the author will quit writing this junk just because you say so?"

"No, but this will," Magneto declared pointing at the monitor. "Just look at these metrics. Interest in so-called humorous stories about me and my Acolytes is down. Traffic from the reading public continues to fall every month. The number of views and comments about our stories are barely a fraction of what they used to be. Just as I planned!"

"I think the fact our parent show ended years ago has something to do with," Mastermind drawled. "Obviously the few viewers who bothered to watch episodes of it have finally moved on."

"If only we could say the same about the author," Sabertooth grumbled. "I'd pay real money for that to happen."

"It's all part of my grand plan," Magneto insisted. "Once the public quits viewing these silly, juvenile comedy stories the author will finally realize the futility of writing future such stories and switch to writing more constructive ones."

"Or shift to writing humorous stories about some other fandom," Mastermind suggested. "I pity the poor souls who end up getting caught up in that!"

"Well, possibly," Magneto allowed. "But it is far more likely the author will pivot and began writing more practical, dramatic stories. Stories that involve us achieving mutant superiority and the inevitable evolution of all mutant kind!"

"Are you kidding?" Sabertooth snorted. "And people say the Firebug is delusional."

"It's not a delusion!" Magneto snapped. "The public has spoken! Comedy is out; action, adventure, angst and drama are in! Authors exist solely to feed the public's endless appetite for entertainment. After all, what kind of absolute blockhead would willing continue to write pointless, insane stories no one reads, views or comments on just for the fun of it?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Mastermind gave Magneto a look.

"I dunno. For once the boss' plan might finally pan out," Saberooth grunted hopefully. "Maybe now I'll finally see some real action and get to be my usual psychotic, bloodlusting self."

"There! See? Interest in our so-called humorous Acolytes stories is practically nil!" Magneto pointed at the related metrics in triumph. "The age of madness and insanity is over! I'm finally free to achieve mutant kind's destiny! Nothing can stop me now!"

Suddenly, a strange drumming could be heard and felt around them. "Oh great," Mastermind moaned. "Now what?"

"Do you like the Acolytes? Causing nonstop insanity?" Remy, Piotr and Pyro marched out chanting in union. "They are the antics of some mutants who were too much for TV!"

"You were saying?" Sabertooth gave Magneto a look.

"Oh no," Magneto groaned. "Not again!"

"When the chaos on the page echoes the madness in your mind!" The three younger Acolytes continued. "They will become more than the sum of their parts combined!"

"Ha! You're too late, you idiots!" Magneto declared. "Your days of acting like adolescent lunatics is over and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"Uh, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Mastermind gulped pointing at the monitor.

"Huh?" Magneto spun and studied the statistics. "Impossible! It can not be!"

"Will our stories make you laugh? Do they fulfill a hidden need?" Remy, Piotr and Pyro sang rising in volume and zeal. "Somewhere within the lists is there a fic you long to read?"

"No, but there's a keg I'd love to drink," Sabertooth growled pulling one out. "I should have known ol' Bucket Head's plan was too good to be true!"

"Then go check it out so the tides of madness may proceed!" Remy, Piotr and Pyro urged.

"Please don't," Mastermind begged addressing the audience. "Especially if it's a story that includes me!"

"This can't be happening!" Magneto cried at the array of fluctuating metrics. "Interest in our humorous Acolyte stories is going up! It should be going down! Down, I tell you!"

"Do you like the Acolytes? Performing acts in lyric rhyme?" Pyro created a crowd of fire figures to provide vocal backup for himself, Remy and Piotr. "They are the musings of a lunatic with way too much free time!"

"No kidding," Sabertooth moaned chugging from his keg.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Magneto howled.

"Zany abstract works of heart! Birthed from the endless well of love!" Piotr held up a large Acolyte banner and proudly waved it about. "We are the stuff that eccentric legends are made of!"

"More like nightmares," Mastermind groaned.

"NO, DON'T GO BACK UP!" Magneto shrieked at the monitor while tearing at his hair. "FALL I SAY! FALL!"

"Will you bother to review or just move on without a word?" Remy asked as the parade of singing fire figures easily drowned out Magneto's frantic cries of anguish. "Ignoring all the work put in to crafting the absurd!"

"One can only hope," Mastermind moaned. "It's happened frequently before. Just obviously not enough!"

"And hope that the author will keep writing on undeterred!" Piotr and Pyro bellowed.

"If only that didn't happen," Sabertooth grunted.

"STOP SINGING! STOP SINGING!" Magneto screamed watching the story metrics continue to rise before his very eyes. "FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE, STOP SINGING!"

"Do you like the Acolytes? Sowing the seeds of pure mayhem?" The trio of young Acolytes grinned while proceeding to match their words with action. "Reaping the wacky nuts of madness, over and over again!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Magneto yelled.

"Then sit back! Enjoy the ride! We have nothing better to do!" Remy, Piotr and Pyro roared as they and their accompanying fire chorus reached a crescendo. "Than work to make all our literary dreams come true!"

"And you know what that means," Sabertooth sighed in resignation.

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto howled and repeatedly banged his head against the monitor. "WHY ME? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?"

"The very question that haunts every waking moment of my sad, sorry excuse of existence," Mastermind groaned. "Followed by the scary, inevitable associated answer: Why not?!"

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Do You Hear the People Sing?"