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Lils- As always a pleasure!
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"You look dead," Olivia comments and I glare at her. I mean she wasn't wrong, but did she have to bring it up? "Have you slept at all lately?"
"It sleep means maybe a two-hour nap, between consoling a crying teething baby who only wants to be held or fed. Then yes?" I say sighing, holding my head, trying to shake myself awake. I only had two classes today, as it was a half-day for some reason or another. Then I was going to go meet Ken so I can feed Owen, and then go to Olivia's for the rest of the afternoon.
"There that girl starring at his again," Olivia whispers. "Miranda Pryor?"
"I've been to school all my life with her," I say with a sigh. "One could say we were friends once," I tell Olivia.
"What happened?" She frowns.
"I don't know?" I say shrugging.
"She's coming over," Olivia nudges me. I turn around I hear my name.
"Rilla?" Miranda Pryor says in a quiet little voice. She has the same silvery blonde hair that was natural, and big bright blue eyes that are doll-like. Her entire face is like a china doll, with rosy cheeks and pink lips. She wearing knee socks with her plaid skirt and matching cardigan. She looks sweet and cherub-like.
"Hey, what's up?" I ask her faking awake and cheerful. Though dark circles under my eyes had to have given me away.
"Can I ask you something?" She says looking down at her feet. God, what in the world was this school sprouting off now?
"Sure I guess?" I say with a sigh.
"You had Issac as a tutor as well didn't you?" She says looking down at her hands. My world comes crashing around me as I fall back into my locker, Olivia grabbing me before I could hurt myself. While I am sure everyone might agree I should have eaten breakfast I have a feeling it would have been on the floor at this very moment.
"I'm sorry," Miranda blurts out. "I shouldn't have said anything, I just, been trying to ask for a while, I know he mentioned coming from your place. I just thought, with all the stuff going on with the case, though maybe it is nice to know no one is alone in this?"
The bell rings and Olivia looks at us, we were going to be late. She looks at me, and I just give her a shaky smile. My way of saying don't miss class for me, to which she took and I look around before I pull Miranda to the nearest side door that leads outside and we sit in a semi-hidden area. An area that is typically used by kids who want privacy, or to skip class.
"Are you going to the hearing?" I ask her knowing that was coming up. I heard mom talking to Uncle Fred in an official capacity of the ongoing case. While I won't be called up to testify, My own experience had been taken down to be used in court under a victim number only being a minor.
"Are you?" Miranda asks me
"My parents don't want me to, but sometimes, I wonder if it might be good to see him in person to know he's paying for what he did? Olivia said she would go with me if I needed someone with me?" I tell her quietly.
"Can I ask?" Miranda asks bravely. "Was it just the photos?" I suppose everyone that had been involved in this knows the levels of his abuse.
I only shake my head looking down at my thighs as I pulled at my skirt. "You?"
"He was weird, stood a little too close, but dad was always around," Miranda tells me. "Not that completely helped or anything."
"He…" I say shakily.
"You don't have to," Miranda says. "I think I understand." She tells me. "It makes some fair sense actually."
"What makes sense," I ask her frowning
"Looking back, you were friendly with everyone, and then over time, you were just different. You were quiet and withdrawn, then the next year you were so focused on dance it was all you would talk about. Then you lost weight and it made girls jealous because you were, even more, prettier than them. They were awful to you, I'm sure that didn't help you at all," Miranda says quietly.
"I suppose it didn't," I say with a sigh. "You won't…tell anyone?" I ask her fearfully.
"No, but there are a few of us around, sometimes we meet up and just talk about things. Our little support group in a way. They don't know about you, none of them has mentioned anything about knowing another person. I just knew because he came from your place." Miranda tells me. "I know you're most likely busy, you always look half asleep in class but if you ever want to, just let me know."
"Thanks," I say quietly. "Owen, well her name is Elowen but I call her Owen. She's been fussy lately at night and constantly feeding. I don't get much sleep." I admit to her, I turn my phone around a show her a photo of Owen. "She's twenty weeks, she'll be five months on October 4th," I tell her.
"Her hair is so dark," Miranda comment. "She's super cute, though."
"The hair is from her father," I say quietly. "He is around, we co-parent, actually she's with him right now," I explain.
"So you're not together?" Miranda's brow furrows.
"We never really were," I say. "It's better this way anyway, or so everyone says," I tell her with a fake smile. "I feel like I saw you around here with Carl Meredith?" I ask her. "His sister Faith is engaged to my brother Jem," I explain to her.
"She is," Miranda nods. "But, yeah, we're dating I went to prom with him last year," she tells me with a small smile. "He's at UPEI now, he's taking wildlife conservation and environmental sciences. So still living at home, so we see each other often enough."
I smile at her nodding my head.
"It must be nice to be in school again?" She asks me looking out to the football field.
"It has its good and bad moments, but it's nice too I don't know talk to people my age?" I settle with sighing. "Not just talking to someone who can't talk back to me just yet?" I tell her as there is a shadow that approaches us.
"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" Ms Brooke asks us, eyes narrow looking at us.
"Ugh," I look at Miranda who looks sheepishly.
"Get to class, before I send you to the office. I am sure your mother would love that," She looks at me.
We race to our classes in a different direction. knock on the door looking guilty.
"Sorry," I say quietly as the teacher lets me in.
"It's all right, Olivia said you were running late," She told me. "Take a seat."
I meet Ken and Owen at the designated cafe with Olivia. Owen is in the middle fit as to take her from him. I try to ignore the looks I get as I try to calm down her fussing enough to stick my boob in her mouth. I sigh in relief when she finally gives in and nurses, Olivia comes back with a coffee for me, and some pastries from the display case.
"Oh here," Ken says passing me a bag. "We were at chapters this morning, and I saw it. Hopefully another Herb it will create less confusion," he says and I look in the bag and this is another blue Apatosaurus Dinosaur.
"Thank you," I say quietly. "I will show it her Herb, 2.0 afterwards, don't want to break her concentration," I tell him before I wince. "Oi, what are you doing," I duck my head under the blanket that I had dropped over my shoulder. I re-latch Owen before shoving some of my wrap in my mouth. Still trying to look anywhere, but him so I mostly look at my reflection in a window beside us. Still look dead on my feet, at this point.
"I saw another and thought it be easier than carting the one between places," Ken says after a moment, making me look back at him. "I gave mom a list of stuff for Toronto, she said she has you and Owen in Persis's old room, Di has the guest room and I have my old room," he explains. "I told her just some diapers and wipes most likely. We can pack everything else rather easily?"
"I'll run through a list this weekend," I direct at him before I duck under the blanket again. "Hey, ow, I am not a chew toy, I know teething is bothersome but no," I tell her firmly I take her off, which only creates more fussing. "I need to go to shoppers before we go to your place," I tell Olivia with a sigh.
"Has she had any teething rings lately? I ask Ken.
"I tried to give her an icy one, but she rather chews on her hand," Ken tells me and I sigh switching her to her favourite side. Telling myself silent I should have just bottle-fed her in the back of my mind. "I gave her a few ounces around 10 when she was being grumpy, I have a few more packages in the freezer, but I think I will run out by the end of the week?
"I'll make up some more for you, though for today if she gets too fussy just text me," I tell him. "We'll just be at her place, for the afternoon."
Ken nods and Olivia awkwardly smiles for the both of us. I run into the bathroom to change Owen before passing her back to Ken, Olivia is animatedly talking about something, I hear Robbie's name and I am sure I will hear the story once we have a moment alone.
I pass him, Owen, after kissing her temple, telling her I will see her in a couple of hours and grab my bookbag. We head to shoppers as Ken heads home for himself, we were browsing the aisles when I happened upon what I didn't know I needed.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Olivia asking looking at the container of hair dye, purple hair dye. The same stuff I used last time, just a new container I had grabbed when I saw It, they only had one container, so I also picked up the second closest purple colour.
"Do I want to dye my hair Electric Amethyst? Why yes I do," I tell her with a grin. "You're the one thinking about bleaching the front part of your hair," I remind her.
"I know, but your hair is so pretty, mine is just boring dark brown," Olivia tells me.
"You know, I had this same hair colour last year when school started," I remind her.
"It was mostly faded when I came to school through," Olivia points out, adding some conditioner to the bowl of hair dye. "We have enough time to do this?"
"Ken's on daddy duty, and we don't have class," I nod my head.
So she begins, painting my hair with the purple hair dye in her small bathroom. In the meantime, I read the instruction on the bleach kit she had bought.
"I think I can do this," I tell her. "We just mix this and the this together, stir, and avoid your roots at first, then we do your roots. I can't believe you trusting me to do this." I say shaking her head.
"You're trusted to care for a human being, I think you can manage two streaks of bleach," Olivia laughs.
"Or one can say I am the last person to be doing this because I was the stupid one to get pregnant in the first place?" I counter back.
"Well, then maybe Ken should have double-checked his condoms," Olivia snorts.
I look at her through the mirror, chewing my lip.
"Why are you giving me that look?" Olivia questions me.
"Well, Ummm we may have concluded that maybe there was one time that we didn't…use a condom?" I say quietly, squirming in my seat, stirring the bleach.
"Marilla Nadine Blythe!" She swats at me. "You little scamp!"
"Olivia Gertrude Bertrand, did you just call me a skank?" My mouth falls open. I'm not offended Olivia is the least judgemental person I know, I am mostly just surprised?
"I said scamp, as in how long did you know this information and why was I never told? You did it more than once with him?" Olivia says with hands on her hips, and I hold up the bowl of bleach and brush.
"I don't know? When we came to the conclusion I was still pregnant and it just seemed like something that we didn't want to tell anyone?" I say. "Obviously I feel differently now."
"What are you girls doing in their screaming like that?" Olivia's mom Stacy says through the door. "Why do I smell chemicals?" She opens it as I am painting her daughter's front part of a hair in bleach. "Hair-dye? God, please tell me your mother is all right with this?" She looks at me.
I shrug. "Mom once dyed her hair green when was thirteen, it was meant to be black?"
"That's not an answer Rilla," She says sternly.
"They don't mind hair dye or piercings, usually just the permanent things like tattoos and babies that send them over the edge," I say with a wavering grin. Stacy shakes her head at me before looking at Olivia. "You'll clean up the mess."
"We will mom," Olivia tells her with a nod of her head.
It was dad who picks me up at Olivia, who raises an eyebrow when he caught sight of my hair.
"You know a little forewarning, a hey I'm dying my hair would be much appreciated you know that right?" He tells me.
"It was a spur of the moment thing, one minute we were in Shoppers, the next minute we're in her bathroom with hair dye?" I reply. "I put two front money piece streaks in her hair."
"Forgive me, I don't speak teenager, Money piece what?" Dad asks slightly amused.
"Like this," I say pulling up a photo of Olivia.
"So like Rogue from x-men?" Dad says humming. "Interesting," Dad tells me as he pulls into Ken's parking lot.
Ken does a bit of a double-take when he sees me with bright purple hair. He looks to my father, who I can only assume shrugs lightly.
"How was she?" I ask him taking her car seat and bag.
"She was fine, we played, we napped and I got her to drink a few ounces two hours ago when she was fussing. I'm curious" Ken tells me. "I would ask how Olivia's was, but I can see you had some fun?"
"Electric Amethyst," I tell him offhandedly. "Do you recognize mommy?" I ask Owen, who looks at me with big eyes. "Yes, you still recognize me," I say sing-song to her. "Anything else?"
"Yes, actually I have some school thing to do next Thursday, it runs from six to eight," Ken tells me. "Just for next week," he adds on.
"All right, I'll get my parents or see if Joy can watch her then," I tell him with a nod of my head.
"Do you want me to take her Friday or something?" Ken asks.
"Let's just stick to the schedule," I tell him rather forcefully. Some days it feels like I only see her when she's hungry, I didn't want to lose a night with her because of him.
"Right then, well, have a good night then," he said deflated slightly.
I knew something was up the second time, dad doesn't make me drive home, not that it's a long drive, but he's trying his best to make me comfortable driving. I clip in the car seat and sit back into the passenger's side and he starts to pull out of the parking lot.
"You know, sometimes it easier to forgive than to hold a grudge," Dad tells me.
"You say that to mom as well?" I ask him because we all know Mom is where I get it from.
"Just an observation Rilla, as much as you are like your mother. You are very much my child as well," Dad says to me.
"Yes, I know I have your eyes and curly hair," I roll my eyes at him a bit. "But other than that I am all mom."
"It's beyond your hazel eyes and curls Rilla. You are determined to do your thing, follow your dreams despite the fact we don't agree on them. I almost killed myself in medical school because I had to prove to everyone who told me I couldn't make it, that I could. Instead of admitting I had pneumonia to my teachers during exams, I found myself in the hospital. You danced on broken toenails and twisted ankles only admitting it after it was all said and done. We share the same integrity that makes me proud even when I seem angry. You'll keep someone else's promise, you judge fairly. You never once told us about Ken because you wanted him to know before his parents knew. Because we would have done just that. You have what's important in character traits. So what school work is more difficult for you than your siblings. That doesn't make them anymore like your mother and me?" Dad tells me, clearly trying to get me to see what he sees in me.
"Though I do have to ask now, how much weight have you lost?" he glances at me.
"I don't know? The batteries ran out on my scale and we don't have the right kind, but I'm dancing more because of work. Isn't it fairly normal to lose some weight when you're doing things more often?" I remind him.
"Which also means you aren't eating enough to support the extra exercise. I know we made a deal about school and work, but I'm laying down another rule Rilla. If you can't manage to eat enough to maintain whatever weight you are at right now. I will make you stop, not only for your mental and physical health but also Because I noticed that Owen is fussier and feeding more often. If you aren't eating enough, it will affect your milk in the long run." Dad tells me
Firmly.
"But daycare!"
"I can cover daycare, we let you work because you said you could manage it. But if a school, Owen and your weight suffer because of it. I will pull the plug on it all," Dad shakes his head.
"I'm not trying to scold you Rilla, I'm just trying to help you. If you want to like your body, or more importantly treat it better. You will have to change your way of thinking and how you treat it. You can't just admit you have issues and expect them to suddenly get better. You can't expect having Owen to suddenly change your entire mind frame and sort itself out."
I whip my head and look at him, it was like he plucked my thoughts off my head.
"I see and consider a lot of things Rilla when it comes to you. I'm not saying you had Owen for shock value, I'm just saying for a teenage girl who was hiding a lot of issues and trauma. I can potentially understand why you choose to keep the baby, rather than the other options. I'm just saying, it won't get better overnight that is all," Dad tells me.
"You sound like a shrink," I tell him.
"Well, considering that was my backup career if I didn't get into medical school, I'll take that as a compliment, though I am sure what I learned in psychology back in the 80s is completely debunked these days. I wonder if I stuck with it more, maybe I could help you and Walter more or noticed that you were struggling."
"It wasn't your fault," I tell him quietly.
"No, I'm your parent it is my fault," Dad says shaking his head.
"I didn't realize you were going purple again?" Mom looks at me when she sees my hair as I came into the kitchen with Owen on my hip.
"Spur of the moment thing, you know one minute you buying grape flavoured infant toddler and you feel like having purple hair again," I tell her.
"I'm assuming the money for the dye came from the studio?" Mom asks me.
"Yeah, Tessa paid me Tuesday night," I tell her. "I put 2/3 of it in my bank account, and kept a third of it for spending money, you know as the agreement said."
Mom nods her head. "Just remember to be responsible that money needs to last the week," She reminds me. Tessa pays me weekly, she says it is easier? "Though hair dye aside, Is there a reason why you missed half of your history class? Do you wish to explain yourself or was it just some spur of the moment thing?"
"Miranda Pryor came up to me before class started," I say quietly, surely mom knew?
"Miranda Pryor?" Mom asks, her face dropping. "Oh, well it still doesn't excuse you from skipping class Rilla."
"It won't happen again, she mostly wanted to know if I was going to the first hearing I told her I wasn't sure yet," I tell her quietly.
"I thought we decided?" Mom frowns.
"No, you decided, I said I wasn't sure," I reminded her, I open the fridge and grabbed some carrot sticks and sit down to eat my snack. "I think I want to go," I tell her trying to appear confident.
"Do you?" Mom asks me while setting down her teacup.
"I spoke to Beth about it at counselling and she thinks if I want to go I should go, but consider all the emotions that may come with it. It might not be easy, but I think it will be good to see things be put into action? Plus if Miranda is going, it means I won't be alone doing so?"
"Is this what brought on the purple hair?" Mom inquires in her usual mom self.
"No, I just was bored?" I say with a shrug. "I bleached Olivias hair in the front and dyed them lavender," I tell her. "Her mother almost had a panic attack thinking you were going to call her freaking out."
"I don't blame her," Mom says with a sigh. "I'm sure was also worried about the state of her bathroom afterwards. Though back to the hearing, I just don't feel comfortable you being in the same room as him. We don't know what sort of hearing it will be, or what he will plea. I don't any one of you should be seen by him until we know what sort of rules he will need to follow into the trial."
"Isn't it my choice though?" I say stubbornly.
"Let me call Uncle Fred then," Mom says sighing as the doorbell rang.
"Rilla it's for you," Shirley calls out from the living room. I get up hoisting up Owen as I do and walk to the front of the house.
"Miranda," I say seeing her, now dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater, that is most likely Carl Merediths by the slightly larger size of it.
"Sorry to come over unannounced, oh your hair!" She starts and exclaims. "It looks so good! But right, didn't know your number, but I Carl told me where to find you," she explains as she realizes I was holding Owen losing her train of thought once more.
"It's fine," I tell her letting her into the living room. "What's up?"
"I was going through some old things in the attic and found these. They don't fit me, but I thought it might fit you, it's a bunch of old 90's clothing that my mom wore in high school?" She holds up a bag with a smile.
Hope you enjoyed this one, and the introduction to Miranda in this.
Hope everyone had a good week!
Tina