Thank you Bookworm and CottonCandy, I am glad you enjoyed this chapter.
This week we are in Toronto!
October 2018
Five Months
Toronto was a place I had never truly been to before, and flying with a five-month-old wasn't exactly on my list of things to do on a Thursday afternoon. I had been nervous all week before the flight. Preparing everything I might possibly need. Finally, the day arrived, and after showing Owen's birth certificate and explained that her father was flying with us. They let me check-in, making sure we knew Owen was a lap child, and that unless there was a seat available, she would have to stay on our laps.
Owen, sleep for most of the flight, much to everyone's relief, even the people around us. Di sat beside me, while Ken ended in the aisle seat. I used the advice of Google, which told me to try and feed her during take-off to help her ears adjust to the pressure. The flight attendants came around, asking if we needed anything every little while, and told us where to find the changing table if was needed. I kept her wrapped up on my chest for the most part and the few times she did awaken, I passed her along to Ken so I could have a moment to myself.
I spot Ken's Father, first given his height, before I spotted Leslie next to him. They were waiting for us as we came down the escalators, it was 6 pm when we arrived. Toronto was an hour behind the island. Meaning it still felt like seven to me, and most likely Owen.
"How was the flight?" Leslie asked me as she pulled me into a hug and Ken hugged his father
"It was surprisingly fine," I tell her as I take Owen from Ken and pass her to her grandmother.
"Oh how much she has grown, hello Elowen," Leslies say. "Owen, look at how much she has grown."
"Babies do grow," Owen chuckles running his finger over his granddaughter's cheek. "It wonderful to see you all."
"It's lovely to see you as well Diana," Leslie tells my sister, hugging her as well.
"Thank you for having me," She hugs Leslie.
"You brought the car seat," I hear Ken ask her father.
"Of course," Owen said with another chuckle. We gather our luggage and Owen leads us out to the car, or what was some sort of large SUV that could seat five adults and a car seat comfortable.
"What time is your interview tomorrow?" Leslie directs to my sister.
"At 10 am, I looked up what busses to catch and the subway as well," Di tells them.
"Oh dear, we can bring you to the place, we can spend the day downtown," Leslie tells her
"Only if it's not an issue, we were thinking about going to the aquarium after your interview anyway," Leslie tells her. "Now, I thought to keep things simple tonight and grab something out tonight for dinner. There's a lovely place that is near the house that has a variety of options, when does Elowen usually eat?"
"Oh, she nursed on the plane during landing for a few minutes," I say quietly. "She should be good for an hour or two, bedtime is usually about eight, or it would be about seven here, but she slept on the plane so it might be later now?" I say unsure what the time difference, and her extra naps.
Toronto is rather memorizing with its tall building and bright lights. Neither Di nor I have been to the city, and while I had been to Winnipeg, it wasn't like this. Winnipeg was almost quaint compared to Toronto. We stop by the Ford's house, which was a fairly large red brick house, with black wood around the windows, complete with a red door. There was a quick tour of the house and a shown our rooms and bathrooms where we could freshen up.
I look around Persis's old room, which off to one side now had a crib and a small changing area for Owen. The large window looked out onto the street that already getting dark. I changed my daughter into a pair of clean pyjamas and brush her hair, she was wide awake, which wasn't boding well. I change my top, something more suitable for dinner out and not something that smelt like an airplane.
The restaurant was low-key, yet I still felt awkward and out of place in it. I sat in-between Leslie and Di at a round table. I was worried about eating out but whatever Ken had told them made them consider my lack of soy in my diet. There was a large variety of salads and I stuck to one of them with some oil and vinegar with some flame-grilled chicken.
While Owen was in the high chair with a blanket to help keep her stable. Babbling a bunch of vowels sounds, reaching for things as if she wanted to eat.
"Looks like she'll be trying solids soon," Leslie comments.
"Soon enough, still working on the sitting thing but the doctor said if I want to try within the next few weeks it shouldn't be much of an issue for her," I tell her, before fill her in on other things. The older Owen listening intently as I tell them things that Ken probably doesn't see as much these days.
"Leslie!" I hear a woman says as we were working on dessert.
"Laura, how nice to see you," Leslies exclaims getting up from the table.
"I didn't want to disturb you, just wanted to see hello. I see you have a full table today," Laura says looking at Di with her bright red hair, and me with my slightly faded purple hair, and lastly. My little dark hair munchkin, who was chewing on her fist.
"Yes, my son Ken is home for the weekend with my granddaughter, Elowen and her mother Rilla," I wave shyly to her. "And her old sister Diana is with us as well," Leslie explained to her friend.
"It's lovely to meet you all," the lady says to us, and Owen babbles in her own language to say hello as well.
"Laura Cardinal works at the National Ballet," Leslie told me.
"You do?" I ask looking at the older woman.
"Rilla is a dancer herself," Owen tells the woman with a smile as he takes a drink.
"I thought you had the look to you," she says to me with a smile. "Where do you dance?"
"Well, I was dancing back in PEI, so it's not a large studio. I mostly just help teach little ones these days" I tell her honestly.
"Even the smallest studio has given us some of the great dancers." She tells me. "You should come to tour the ballet, watch a class if you have time while you are here."
"Really?" I ask her looking at Owen Sr and Leslie. "We only just got in, we leave on Monday," I say frowning in disappointment,
"We'll figure it out, we were planning to be in the area either way," Owen told me. "Just text Leslie the details Laura, and we'll make it work."
"Do you think I can see the wardrobe?" Di asks hopefully.
"Oh yes, they are in tomorrow," The lady tells my sister. "I will let you finish your meal." She bids everyone goodbye and we finish out meal before heading out. Once back at the Fords I unpack a bit more and Ken takes Owen for a little while to give me a break.
I wake up groggy to my baby crying the next morning. I blindly stumble over to the setup crib bring her back to bed with me, letting her nurse as I look around the barely lit room. I am so used to my routine by now I don't even think of sticking her with Ken as I curl up on my side when she's finished cuddling her. Breathing in her milky scent until I am thirsty and hungry. I pull on some yoga pants and sweater over my nursing tanks up I slept in and quietly crept down to the kitchen. The light was already on to my surprise, as Ken's father was already up.
"I didn't wake you did I?" The Older Owen says as he hears me.
"No no, she's always up around this time, maybe a half-hour earlier than usual, but nothing crazy," I tell him looking around the bright white kitchen. Stainless steel appliances, and a gas stove, what I can only imagine real marble countertops, or at the very least granite? Though those are different things aren't they?
"Coffee?" Owen smiles as motions to the coffee pot.
"Please," I say nodding my head as I adjust Elowen on my hip looking around for someone to place her, but there wasn't.
"I think Leslie got a few things, I'm just not sure where she put them," Owen says. "Or I can take her?"
"She might be a bit shy," I tell him. "She's also drooling up a storm because of teething. I don't want you to ruin your shirt."
"Then I change my shirt," Owen chuckles and takes her from me.
"Do you mind if I use the room back here to stretch out?" I asked finishing my coffee.
"No, no go ahead, I'll keep this one company," Owen waves me off and I place my coffee cup in the sink and tickle Owens feet a moment.
"If she gets fussy, just plop her down with me, she likes to watch me most days," I tell him before going to the sunroom that was off the kitchen. I pop in one of my headphones and go through my routine while listening to Owen play with her grandfather.
The rest of the morning is about breakfast. Leslie frying up bacon and eggs, while she showed me where the cutting board and knives were to cut up some fruit for the table as well. Eggs, an avocado, a bowl of fruit were my breakfast, with another cup small of coffee. While Owen sat in Ken's lap as he ate, his tan arm wrapped around her middle keeping her safe.
"Please let us drive you Di. We're going that way anyway and when you're finished we can meet up and put your things in the trunk of the car so you don't have to carry them around." Leslie tells my sister. "Then after we can all go to the aquarium if we are down that way?"
"What is the plan for the weekend?" I speak up.
"Well, we have Dinner Sunday evening, I thought you girls maybe enjoy seeing Casa Loma, and I know you both enjoy the stage so we have a tour of the Elgin and Winter Theatre planned for Saturday. We can also do the Bata Show Museum and the ROM?" Ken's father says for his wife. "I would say some shopping but I have a feeling that I suggest shopping you ladies will need another suitcase to go home with," he chuckles. "Maybe we can fit in the aquarium before you leave as well?"
I look to my sister who is nodding enthusiastically, old clothing and shoes were much more her things than mine.
Di is the first to go finish getting ready as I take my baby to go dress her for the day. Something easy to wear, since she'll be in the carrier. A pair of denim overalls, and a little long-sleeved pink shirt, a cardigan over top, a pair of tiny socks and fuzzy bear slippers for her feet. While packing her bag full of diapers and anything she might need, with a smaller bag to be stored away in the car just in case.
We drive Di to her interview, wishing her luck upon luck we went to park the car. I am already missing her presence, but Leslie takes to my side and points out a few things about the city that are fairly interesting. While Ken and his father point out other things until we came to a dance shop that I starred in the windows of after a leotard with lace back caught my eye.
"Let's go in," Leslie nudges me. "We can the baby with Ken and we'll go look around?"
It doesn't take much to twist my arm as I deposit my daughter in her father's arms and left them to figure out what they wanted to do.
The shop was much like the shop I worked at, and it didn't take long to find what I was looking for. Too afraid to even look at the price of the dark jade green leotard, it had to be way above what I had for spending money for the weekend.
"Try it on," Leslie urges me, looking for the shop employee that said hello to us on our way in. "Can we try this on?" She asks me.
"Of course, do you need help finding a size?"
"I think a medium is good?" I say holding it up, leotards were made on the smaller side of course.
I try to protest, as Leslie hands over a few bills before I could even figure out how I am going to explain this to my parents. I blush and thank her profusely as we leave the store, finding Ken and his dad holding drinks for us, while Owen taking a short nap on Ken's chest it seemed.
We walk around the block, stopping in random little stores here and there and one toy store until Owen made a fuss and wanted me again.
"I need to grab something off my desk," Leslie asks me as I bounce lightly on my heels. "You can probably take a few minutes of rest and feed her if you want? I can even show you around if you're interested, I know Ken's seen it a million times but you might find it interesting?" Leslie says kindly to me.
"That sounds all right," I say patting Owens back through the carrier. Leslie looks at her husband who nods his head and kisses her cheek.
"We will go bring this stuff back to the car," he tells her holding up the bags of things.
Leslie signs me in with security, and Owen at that leads me up to her office.
Leslie Ford, Senior Journalist and Research, I read her title on the door, I sit down on her couch as she rifles through her desk muttering to herself. There were photos of Ken and Persis from over the years, the obligatory family photo, a wedding photo as well. I look at them all as Owen nurses.
"Does that make you happy, having a full belly?" I say to her softly. "Still a hungry little thing are you?"
"You're really gotten the hang of nursing?" Leslie asks with a smile. "I tried so hard with Persis, but it just refused to work out for me."
"We're you disappointed?" I ask curiously. It had been such a thing in the classes and prenatal appointments that sometimes it felt like it was my only option?
"Yes and no? It was the 90's and no one really cared what I fed my child. Unlike today I hear?" Leslie explains to me and I nod my head bashfully. If I wasn't judged for my age, I was judged from something different and non of their business. "I am glad that you came for the weekend though, truly I am."
"It's not fair for you to never see her or to be the one always travelling, though I am sure it will be easier when she is older and doesn't need me." I remind her.
"We like seeing you Rilla, you are always welcome here. No matter the circumstances. " Leslie reminds me gently and we sit and talk as Owen finishes up and I make myself pre
I was standing around an empty studio when Leslie realized she had forgotten her phone in her office. I told her I wouldn't move an inch as I looked around the empty sound stage. The entire building was fascinating and oddly empty but apparently most took an extra-long weekend much like she and Owen Sr, had.
I have memories of Owen's instructions flood my mind, I pretend for a moment as I got through what is left in my head of my old speech from seven months previous. Except for this time, instead of being inside me, Owen was wrapped up against me.
I finish it, or my sentence when I heard clapping. I turn around with wide eyes.
"I'm sorry I overheard you reciting, it sounded oddly familiar in its delivery I was curious to see who you were." A man said from the doorway and I recognize him right away. The man who set my world upside down not two weeks after giving birth to the baby I held in my arms.
"I had a good instructor?" I say unsure of what to say.
"Clearly, are you in school for broadcasting? Or just family of someone new?" He asks, not approaching me thankfully.
"Just visiting," I tell him, my pitch unsteady.
"Rilla dear I just thought of this wonderful place to have dinner tonight. " I hear Leslie's voice call out and I watch Royce Murtaugh's face suddenly blanched. "Oh Royce, I didn't know you were in today," she said, her voice thin.
"I was picking up something. I heard someone reciting some history she was very good." Royce says as I quietly move towards Leslie, Owen who decided to make her presence known babble.
"Royce this is my granddaughter's mother, they are visiting for Thanksgiving," Leslie introduces us.
"Of course," Royce says straightening up from his leaning stance. "I am truly sorry about what happened, I do hope you got my letter of apology." He says.
"I did thank you," I say with a short nod of my head, as I cradle Owens head in my palm.
"Well, please let me apologize again, I wasn't thinking and it was cruel of me to use you in such a way," Royce says with a plea in his voice.
"Very well," I say looking at Leslie unsure of what to say.
"You must excuse us, Royce, we were just on our way out when I realized I didn't have my phone," Leslie says for us.
"I am so sorry, I didn't think he would be in today, he's never in on Fridays," Leslie says once we were in the elevator.
"It's okay," I say quietly, still thinking about the soundstage in the back of my mind.
We pick up Di from her interview who said it went extremely well before she told us about it all as we drove over to the Ballet. Which was down near the waterfront. The ballet was magical to me. More than I ever imagined it to be as I looked around in awe. While Di went gaga over the tutus more than I did I drooled over the hundreds? Thousands of pairs of pointe shoes that was the shoe room.
"Have you ever had a professional point shoe," One of the guides asked me?
"My teacher does all the fittings, I wear Grishko's Maya," I tell her. "She fitted me not too long ago, just a smidgeon wider than before this one," I say point to Owen who was being carried around by Ken.
"Let me see them on you," she says. "What size do you wear?" She asks and I tell her and she goes hunting. I slip them one, and everyone agrees they suit my feet fairly well. That and I have pretty feet which makes me beam into the mirror. But for fun, she hands me another pair and asks me to try them on. They feel good, but I prefer my Grishko's at the end of the fitting.
"Get her some elastics and ribbons, take them, you can join the class," the director told me.
"Oh no I couldn't," I say shaking my head.
"I want to see you dance," she says, handing me the shoes and a sewing kit. I sew them quickly in the hallway on a bench, breaking them in slightly, by crunching down the box of the shoe. Leslie hands me my leotard, silently.
"I don't have tights," I say frowning.
"Oh we can find you a pair!" one of the tour guides just tells me. "Go get changed, and we'll have them for you when you're done," she said and I look at her confused, she laughed. "You can be a professional for today, and wear them over you leotard" she tells me with a smile. I nod my head, students always wear tights under the leotard, while professional tended to wear them over.
I nod my head and quickly change, and sew the pair of shoes they gave.
"We have a guest today during class today, please make her feel welcome. She is a friend of Owen and Leslie Ford, who we all know," the director tells the group and I feel all eyes on me. I am fairly certain, its only because of the Fords, and I'm assuming some sort of Annual donation that they are this nice to me? I'm not completely naive, but I might as well use the chance that they gave me!
I stood near the back. Watching carefully until I picked up on the routine at the barre. Things I am still used to doing, though I watch carefully correcting my turn out, or foot from the dancer in front of me. Noticing that she wasn't what I had in my head of what a ballet dancer was, granted she was still slender, but she had a softness to her body. A good lot of the ballerinas were like her as I watch them.
Soon I was dancing, picking up on the steps of their warm-up fairly quickly as I always managed to do. My flexibility was still being worked on, but it still came naturally, despite being out of dance for so long. Teaching five-year-olds isn't completely dancing in reality, it's not like this, but it has clearly helped.
I was sweating profusely as I smiled ear to ear as I dance, keeping my head clear as I do my tour to jetes, my firebird leaps. It had been so long so I had this rush that fills up my soul.
I look up to see Ken he holds Owen, waving her little hand at me I smile and do an impromptu spin for her.
"How old is she?" A dancer comes up to me and asks.
"Five months," I say with a smile.
"Oh wow, I would have never guessed you had a baby five months ago," she said looking me over, her eyes suddenly filled with worry. "You are way too slender to just have had a baby."
"I'm nowhere near where I was before her, no warns you how much your body changes," I say automatically to which she frowns at.
"I'm still working on my baby weight slowly. It takes nine months, might as well give yourself time to work it off healthily." She said tells me kindly.
"You had a baby as well?" I say looking over her surprised. "And you're still dancing? Professionally?"
"A little boy, and of course. Dance is a career in itself, having babies these days doesn't automatically end a career these days."
"My parents don't consider it much of a career," I say quietly.
"How old are you?" She said looking me over once more. A questioning looks in her eyes as she looks back at Owen.
"I'm seventeen," I say awkwardly.
"Can I give you a piece of advice, dancer to dancer, mother to mother?" She asks kindly. I nod my head.
"Don't fall down the rabbit hole. It's not worth it, not when you have so much to work and live for now. Don't let her grow up and think the rabbit hole is the only way. Let her watch you dance one day and be proud of her mother who dances on stage. You have so much potential but falling down that hole that plagues so many young girls in this world. It won't get you where you want to be. Be strong, not skinny, not just for her but also yourself," she tells me. Before leading me over to the wall where her bag was and found a piece of paper and scribbled a number on it. "If you ever need someone to talk to, whether it be dance, mom stuff or even just a reminder of your potential. Don't hesitate." She tells me.
I look at the number and see her name written with it, Shelby Turner. My mouth drops a little. I want to say that I had a poster of her in my room, from a few years back. They had come to the Atlantic on tour for a show and Mom and Dad took me to it. I didn't even recognize her without her being in a costume.
"I saw you a few years back, you signed my pair of pointe shoes," I tell her honestly.
"Where was that?" She asked looking up at me,
"Out in New Brunswick as I live on PEI. I was thirteen, you were touring with Swan Lake, so four years ago?" I tell her.
"You know, I have a vague memory of a long red-haired girl being by the stage door holding a pair of pointe shoes at me." She tells me with a smile. "PEI though, you are a long way from home."
"Ken's parent's wanted to see Owen," I explain. "Since she is too young to be without me, I came along. It's a complicated situation."
"Complicated or not, he clearly enjoys watching you dance," Shelby said with a smile. I smile weakly, glancing over their way.
"She's only 17?" I hear as Leslie and Owen Sr were talking to the director. "She has lovely technique. I feel like I've seen her before almost?"
"She said she audition for a summer program the year previous?" My ears pick up Ken telling them. "If it helps, she usually has red hair?"
"Ahh, yes I can remember it now," she says looking over at me as I practise a fouetté, some of the principal dancers given me pointers. "One can barely tell that she took a year off?"
What a polite way to say have a baby and mess up everyone's life. I focus back on the other dances who were doing tricks.
"I wish I could do that," I saw in awe watching dancers do a lift in the air in practice. "We don't have a lot of male dancers on the island," I explain to them. "So we don't get much partner work."
"With the right steps you can," Shelby tells me. "Liam, come here you're a good height for her,"
They show me in half-speed, a spin to an arabesque lift and fish dive. How to centre me, while Shelby ran through where Liam's hands will be before we even attempted the lift. Wrapped around my lower stomach, grasping my hip, while the other on the inside of my thigh.
It wasn't perfect the first time, nor the second, not even the third time, but it reminded me how difficult dance could be. Finally, on our fourth try, we managed to pull it off. We laugh and cheer when my feet touch the floor.
I look over to the Fords, who are smiling and clapping, while Ken was whispering something in Owen's ear. Waving her tiny little hand as if she was cheering for me.