Thank you all to my reviewers! I am glad that everyone enjoyed the chapter!
December 2018
I find myself yawning as pulled on Owen's new Christmas pyjamas, some traditions never change after all.
"Are you ready for your first Christmas?" I ask her as she grins at me with her little two teeth that had finally made their appearance as I do up the snaps. At seven months she was chunky, giggly and looked a fair bit like me in features, even if she had Kens' dark hair.
"Are you ready for her first Christmas?" I hear him from the doorway from his hasty morning shower. It seemed unfair for him to miss her first Christmas. It had been a discussion and a half about how everything would work out. While he didn't say it out loud, I know it caused him some strife with his girlfriend. Because who wants their boyfriend to spend it with another girl. Whether we consider Ken's family or not, it still had to be strange. Not to mention the Fords had invited me for the weekend to their holiday house, so they can have some real-time with their granddaughter as well.
"Are you?" I ask him as I pick her up and pass her over to him.
"Probably not,' He grins at him as she cuddled into his shoulder as he pats her bottom. "Are you ready Owen?"
"Da, da, da, la, ma," She babbles.
Shirley and Wynnie, the Twins were already downstairs. Walter was drinking coffee with Rye who had never celebrated a Christmas in his life had joined the festivities this year.
"Owen's first Christmas pyjamas," Di gushed as Ken put her down near the tree and she instantly went for the bows and ribbons that adorned the presents. She recently got crawling down pack and now I was chasing her everywhere. Gone were the days she would quietly sit and watch me do things. Now I utilized playpens and other things to get things done without her trying to escape.
I quickly pull her back before she can start trying to eat things. Which she doesn't like as she lets out a shriek as if I am the meanest person in the room for not letting her eat the tree? Someone hands me a cup of coffee which I am thankful for. Even if I have to work around Owen climbing on me every five minutes.
"Owen," I pass my cup quickly to Ken as she pulls herself up by grabbing onto my bra, popping a few buttons on my Christmas onesie. As if she was trying to tell me she was hungry. "You seriously just ate," I say shaking my head at her. "Let's have some cereal first then if you're that hungry?" I tell her and managed to hold her and get off the floor with her in my arms.
I make her a bowl of oatmeal and toss in some banana knowing she loves that and tucks her into her high chair with a long bib on her.
"She never stops does she?" Ken asks coming to sit with us.
"You're the one constantly asking me to refill your freezer?" I shake my head. She still doesn't like bottles, but she'll tolerate a sip cup these days.
"Growth spurt?" Ken asks and I merely shrug and feed her a spoonful that she takes happily.
"Most likely?" I say nodding my head. "She's been ravenous lately which only makes me ravenous in return" I as I take a bite of the banana I had leftover from her cereal.
"Should I tell my parents to buy some extra food?" Ken chuckles, before looking me over. "You are eating aren't you?"
I want to swat him over the head, inside I hold up the half-eaten banana. "Seriously?"
"It was just a question, I know with everything going on it can't be easy?" He says quietly to me.
"I'm fine," I stress to him. "No need to go all overprotective. I'm sure your girlfriend thinks it weird enough about the time we spend together, or that I get to spend part of the holidays with your parents, and not her." I remind him. It's the first time I even acknowledged her to him.
It takes Ken by surprise, given the look on his face. "It took a bit of communicating for her to accept it," he says honestly.
I simply nod my head and turn back to Owen who was trying to feed herself at this point. I take the spoon from her and give her the last spoonful of food as my parents finally made their appearance.
"Merry Christmas," Dad says stopping to kiss the top of my head, and this Owens.
"Merry Christmas both of you" I respond as Mom hugs me.
"Merry Christmas Ken," Mom says making her cup of coffee. "I hope the couch wasn't too uncomfortable?"
"It was fine Anne, thank you," Ken says smiling. I wipe Owen's face and detach her bib and let Ken take her as Jem and Faith came through the back door. Which allowed the morning to fully proceed as we all settled into passing around presents to each other.
The majority of them were for Owen of course. Which she helped open, but most of the time she was more excited to play with ribbons and bows than the mountain of toys she had received. Along with a bunch of clothing, dresses and sweaters, little shoes. I just hoped she would be able to wear them before she outgrew them as I glanced at the sizing tags on them. They were all a little size or two larger, so they must have consulted mom?
"Rilla?" Shirley says holding Owen from under her armpits. "I think she needs a change?"
"Why is it me? Ken's right beside me," I huff getting up to sniff her. "Good lord girl,"
"It's those solids," Dad chuckles from his spot.
"I'll do it," Ken says getting up from the floor.
"Her bag is by the door if you don't want to go upstairs," I tell him leaving him to it since he offered.
We were about to sit down for brunch when Aunt Marilla made her appearance. Apologizing for being later while carrying her casserole dishes of food for the day.
"I told you not to," Mom says shaking her head, kissing her adoptive mother.
"And yet I always do," Aunt Marilla smirks, kissing my mother's cheeks before turning to Jem. "Oh, my dear what in the world are you wearing?" She looks at his ugly Christmas sweater?" She asks him.
"What? I found it in Dad's closet? Isn't it hideous, it's great?" Jem says grinning, knowing it was hideous.
"I know, and I wouldn't call it great. I used to say the same thing to him," Aunt Marilla smiles wryly as Dad playfully manages to lock Jem in a headlock or something. Everyone was laughing and happy today, yet all I wanted to do was go hide in my room.
"You know Jem, I'm pretty sure you were conceived because of that sweater," Mom says innocently. "Mostly he mistook my instance of getting that sweater off as something else."
"Eww! Get it off, get it off," Jem howls in disgust as my parents laugh.
"I don't know I am enjoying the grandchildren I wouldn't mind more, how about you Anne," dad chuckles.
"Haha, don't get any idea Jem, you have two more years of residency," Faith calls out to him from the couch.
"You know it's a great time to do it, it really prepares you for the lack of sleep," Dad grins. "Joy just turned seven when you were born,"
"Still a no!" Faith answers for Jem. "You know the rules. School then we can have all the babies you want."
When there was a knock at the door, Nan jumped up from her spot and went to grab it, leading a tall dark, somewhat haired guy by the arm.
"Everyone, this is Christian," She introduced us all. Shouldn't there be a law for not doing this to people? She goes through the crowd of us quickly all of us nodding and waving to him. It was like he didn't believe there were so many of us, but there was!
"It's nice to meet you Dr. Blythe, Mrs. Blythe, thank you for having me over today," he says.
"It does not issue you at, Nan said you had nowhere to go and one more person is nothing at our table," Mom tells him. "So don't look so afraid, none of us bite unless it's warranted."
"And even that is usually reserved for unplanned pregnancies when your age still begins with a one or elopements," I pipe up and he looks at me as I hold Owen. "I'm joking, well, sorta," I tell him.
"Rilla," Nan shakes her head hissing at me. "Please ignore her, she thinks she's funny," Nan tells him nervously.
"It's the truth," Is say under my breath.
"We're still missing Joy, she'll be by soon enough," Nan explains as they down and Christian still looks a little weary of all the people.
"No one bites," Ken tells him sympathetically. "Really you're a whole ladder above me and it's my first Blythe Christmas as well."
"Well, unless Chris decided to knock up Nan, I think he has your beat from the get-go," Jem pipes up. "Plus Ford, we have a whole eighteen years to decide if we like you or not."
"Hey, can we not torture Nan's new boyfriend or your niece's father?" I say looking at Ken and Jem.
"I mean it is a fair and honest mention," Walter chips in softly, his arm wrapped around Rye. "Plus it's Rye's actual first Christmas, so don't feel awkward about it."
Chris just looks at his and then Nan lost on just who everyone was once more.
"I'm the youngest sibling, Rilla," I tell him. "This little one is Owen, she's almost 8 months old, my daughter. I'm 4 years younger than Nan, you can do the math and understand the jokes," I tell him. "This guy is Ken, he's Owen's Dad and pretty much an honorary member of the family. Even if we aren't together, which is a long complicated story which no one wants to hear so just nod your head and go with it." I tell him
"Sounds good," he nods his head.
"That goofball with curly red hair like myself is Jem, second eldest, but eldest in the room. He's harmless just take whatever he says with a grain of salt." I explain to him. "Then next was Walter and his boyfriend Rye. I'm sure you know Di already and the last is Shirley. Who is also called Lee and his wife Wynnie, though the verdict is still out if that was a prank or not," I explain with a smile?
"It's real, we have the certificate to prove it!" Shirley yells from across the room.
"Yet you refuse to show it to people," I say under my breath and smile back at Christian.
"So what do you do Christian?" Dad asks holding his coffee cup.
"Oh I work at the university," he says quickly, before panicking. "As a junior professor while working on my thesis. In a whole other section and building then your daughter of course, so there is nothing against the books of us dating, sir."
"You can breathe, Nan explained somewhat," Mom reassures him and nudges Dad telling him to behave himself. "What is your thesis on?"
"Oh, I am writing my thesis paper for my master's in astronomy. Nothing is more terrifying to Catholic parents than their only son writing the struggle between the big bang theory and creation." He says.
I look over at Nan with a look of amusement. She went from a super religious guy to a guy who is based in science.
"That good in bed?" I whisper to her and she blushes and pokes me with her toe when I hear Owen's giggle float above the room.
"If you keep doing that, she will barf on you," I tell Jem who kept playing airplane with Owen. Lifting her, waving her around and back down again, repeating it as she laughed for him.
"She's, fine Rilla," Jem tells me refusing to listen to me. I look to Faith who whole her eyes at him. "Let me have her," she says reaching my baby, trying to stop something from happening. I mouth a Thank you to her and turn back stacking the clothes and toys that Owen got.
I barely had enough money to buy things this year. For anyone until who I can only assume was one of my parents discretely put some money in my account and say they found some unused gift cards lying around. In the end, I found a nice snow globe for Nan who I picked from the hat this year at thanksgiving. I also had a gift for Ken, even though I wasn't sure what exactly the protocol was for that this year. It wasn't anything crazy some artwork I made with the help of Owen. While I took her hand with the pen to sign her name to his card.
It was mid-afternoon when Joy finally arrived after waiting for the boys to be finished at their mothers since it was their Christmas. I must have missed their appearance as she was suddenly at my door.
"How is the little one doing?" Joy asks from my bedroom door where I was putting Owen down for her afternoon nap. She still, looks tired but her dark red hair was curled and she was wearing a long skirt and an oversized sweater for a fashionable outfit.
"Tuckered out," I say turning to look at her and notice she looks visibly nervous.
"Can we talk for a moment?" She asks me and I nod my head with my brow scrunching.
"What's up?" I ask her as we sit down on my bed.
"Well, I wanted to tell you something before Matt and I tell mom and dad," She starts off looking down at her hands. I have a feeling I know what she's about the say. "I just don't want you to be blind-sighted, or not prepared for their reaction."
"You're pregnant?" I ask her and she nods her head.
"I just didn't want you to be surprised and have watched their reaction," She says carefully. I know exactly what reaction it would be. It would be one of joy and happiness, a grandbaby! Another grandbaby, and not from their 16-year-old daughter. "I'll understand if you don't want to be there for it, or if you are all right being there. I just didn't want you to be hurt by it unintentionally or caught off guard by the news."
"I thought you didn't want kids?" I ask her, trying to understand and not be hurt, but even the idea of watching our parents be excited hurt.
"We always wanted kids, we just had a lot of trouble getting pregnant." She said quietly. "I built up this front about not wanting them because it hurt too much to explain that it just wasn't happening. Mom knew of course and Dad, but you were so young and it wasn't something I would ever want to talk about at least until now maybe?" She explains.
"Trouble?" My brows furrow. "Like what sort of trouble?"
"We never really found out, but I had a few miscarriages. We did hormone therapy, and nothing seemed to work. Finally, we did IVF and it worked the first time around until I had another miscarriage. It was the summer you were in Winnipeg, which was hard, because IVF costs a lot and there is no guarantee with it," Joy explains to me.
"IVF?" I furrow my brow
"We went in a few years ago. You were younger and you didn't really notice the changes that happen with hormone therapy and egg retrieval. You just thought I was sick for a while," Joy explains. "It still didn't work out which was devastating, we decided to just have a good break from it all and let it be last year. Let my body heal and just relax. Then you told me you were pregnant."
"You're offer," I say looking towards Owen who was sleeping.
"My offer was an offer to help as much as it was selfish of me to offer," Joy said nodding her head. "I cried when I went back home after that night I watched you tell them. I was almost angry about how I could have all the unprotected sex for years. Rounds of hormones, and surgery and not get pregnant when my little sister could have all the worst luck in the world with broken condoms and get pregnant." She tells me honestly. "I never was angry at you, just at the world? It didn't seem fair to me."
"But you were always there for me," I say quietly. "You never once let on?"
"You needed me to be there for you, so whatever I felt got pushed back and back," Joy explained running a hand down my hair. "Then Ken appeared and suddenly shopping began. It slowly came back, but I was happy that things were being figured out and that Ken was being supportive about it all because it allowed me to pull back a bit?"
Did I not even notice that I saw her less and less. It made me question everything, from her quiet acceptance to her being missing at Owen's birth. Did I miss all the signs?
"How far along are you?" I ask her.
"I'm due in July, we just hit thirteen weeks," She tells me. "Honestly I don't even know how I managed to hide it." She says.
"You look the same?" I saw frowning
Joy shakes her head and pulls off the sweater that she had over a dress.
"Or not," I say eyes widening.
She had a bump already. A decent one, one that looked like my own when I was almost 20 weeks along, or even later than that.
"Damn," I say shaking my head. "Sure that's not twins?" I ask her.
"Oh, they checked," Joy says putting her sweater back over the top of her dress and fixed it so it hid her stomach. "It's only one. Thank god. Multiples can be fairly common with invitro." She tells with a sigh of relief.
"It's time for second Christmas!" Someone calls up from the bottom of the stairs.
I look at Joy and grab the baby monitor and usher her out of my room. We go through Secret Santa and presents from Aunt Marilla and Joy. Though Joy waits until the very end before she has the twins present mom and dad with a card and a wrapped
"Merry Christmas, Gramma and Grandpa,"
"Why thank you," they tell the boys and mom opens the present. She looks at it for a moment, showing it to Dad. He looks up at his firstborn, with tears in his eyes.
"Oh, Joy!" Mom jumps up tears in her eyes. "I am so happy for you!"
"Congratulations, both of you," dad says gruffly. "I know it was a long road to get here."
Joy is right, though it does hurt and sting a bit listening to everyone shriek and congratulate them. I know my parents love Owen, but it still brings me back to that October night two October ago. I was happy for her, I truly was especially if it hadn't been an easy journey for them.
I sneak out of the room, no one noticing as the boys were playing video games and Nan and Di were absorbed in Joy's news.
I catch up with friends as Owen naps, escaping to my room when the excitement became too much for me to bear. Miranda was still slowly getting back to her old self since that night at the party. Her father went extra protective, but still allowed Olivia and me over to visit, and Carl was allowed as well if they stuck to the main floor.
When that fails, I scribble in my journal trying to work out what I was feeling, but it made no difference. I am happy for Joy, but mom's excited shrieks and Dad's heartfelt hugs, everyone's hugs. It was a bit much to watch after a while.
I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up I smelt turkey and Owen was not in her crib.
I sneak into the kitchen picking the platter of vegetables that were out for the day when I heard Jem.
"Aren't you a little roly-poly princess?" He says, and when I turn the corner he has her on the table as he tickled and blew kisses on Owen's stomach. Still only in a fresh diaper as Ken tried to get the buttons of her Christmas dress undone.
I don't know what comes over me, but I see red.
"If I ever hear you call her that again or any other name as such. I will hurt you," I tell him seething as I gather up her away from him, cuddling her tightly to my chest.
"Oh come on Rilla, I didn't mean anything, all babies are supposed to be chubby." Jem tries to reason with me but I shake my head. Boundaries, they needed boundaries. Owen wasn't their little sister. She was their niece.
"Didn't mean anything? Tell that to my therapist that has to unpack my disordered eating and body dysmorphia Jem. I don't care, she will not be ever called such a thing. Ever! It will not become the nickname that will haunt her for the rest of her life. I refuse Jem!" I shake my head at him and he takes a step back. I don't usually broadcast that I was in therapy, counselling and I definitely don't broadcast my body issues. But if I could do one thing was to save Owen from such grief I just might.
Because she was perfect. She had the perfect amount of little rolls and creases that made her delightfully babyish. Which was disappearing each month she got older at seven months. It was terrifying how fast she changed, how some morning it's like she grew overnight and I woke up to a new baby.
I grab the dress from Ken and go upstairs. Chris murmurs something to Nan who only shakes her head to him. She'll explain later.
"You never feel less than beautiful, because you are," I whisper to Owen kissing the side of his head. I sit down on my bed with her in my arms, fixing her undershirt
"Does that include not beating your own body up over the same thing?" Walter asks from my doorway.
"I have never said a bad word about my body in front of her." Okay maybe that was a lie, but she can't understand me in that way right now.
"I will never do that to her," I try to sound believable, but I'm ready to cry because he was right. I couldn't even love myself, how could I teach her to love herself?
"Hey, hey," Walter wraps his arms around us as I cry. "It's okay, it will all be okay."
"No it won't be, they want me to talk to the judge, or testify Walter. I didn't want anything to do with this, I didn't want any of this. I don't want to have to hear them discuss my issues for everyone to hear. I don't want to hear every clinical term they have for me. I know I'm messed up, I don't need it spelled out for me! No one will believe me, they'll hear about Ken and just decide that we lied about everything because that was what teens do."
"That's not true, Rilla-my-Rilla," Walter shakes his head. "Anyone can see that this affected you long before that night was Ford happened." I sniffle, sucking back my running nose as Owen pushes against me not wanting to be squeezed as she was being. Her little feet, kicking and dancing across my thighs making me suck in my breath as she hit the one spot roughly.
Walters notices giving me a sharp look as he takes Owen from me. He knows what I did without even asking about it. I can't look him in the eyes, I can't even explain myself to him.
It was Christmas and Christmas was supposed to be a happy time. Not make everyone freak out that you didn't have enough strength left one night. How do you explain that you did it before you even realized what you let yourself do? You can't. So I didn't even try to.
Hope everyone had a good week and enjoy this slightly lighter chapter with all the fun of families at Christmas, but is a family holiday ever complete without some strife? No, just my family? lol lol.
Tina