Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.

"Always be honest about the way someone makes you feel about yourself."
— Nikita Gill

Jealousy.

It was not an emotion he expected to feel. He had noticed a strange tightness in his chest whenever he witnessed Chizuru interacting with Heisuke or Harada in a...more friendlier way than usual. He was aware they both had feelings for the girl. They were closest to her from the start of her stay with the Shinsengumi, so it made sense that she'd have a special bond with them. But logical a conclusion as that may be, he couldn't help the feeling he got when he pondered it and saw her with them.

Perhaps I was.

Sanan touched his lips, recalling the gasp she'd emitted when he pulled her close and kissed her forehead. A thrill had filled him and grew when he saw her shocked expression before he bid her good night. From the moment he heard her admit she suspected him of being jealous to the second he was far enough from her, he had not been in control of himself. But this loss of control was nothing like from his Fury transformation and subsequent attack on Chizuru; this felt more pleasant. And he didn't regret it.

With a sigh, he put his pen down. He lacked the concentration to focus on research, so he tried writing in his journal, with similar results. He turned a few pages back for his recollection of their encounter a few weeks ago that had prompted him to lessen his nighttime escapades. He would step outside for a few minutes every night to breathe fresh air and gather his thoughts before beginning his duties and walk only once a week instead of almost every night for the sake of keeping the rumors from growing. He couldn't help but torment Itou a bit, but he received no indication from Hijikata or Kondou that this was an issue. Then again, as he'd told Chizuru, he hadn't received indication of anything from them for awhile now. He didn't expect that to change.

He shook his head. He wasn't a toddler that needed to be coddled. He fully understood the consequences of drinking the Water of Life, and it had been his suggestion to fake his death. What right did he have to complain?

His hand tingled as he placed his palm on the page. He could hear the grunts and growls of his fellow Furies. As difficult as it was to endure their constant empty company, it had become a bit easier after his conversation with Chizuru. He didn't understand why. All she'd done was hold his hand and offer comforting words, yet the impact was undeniable. She seemed so proud of him, so trusting...

He furrowed his brow. Of all the Shinsengumi leaders, she interacted with him the least, yet she treated him no differently than she did the others, if more intimately. Initially, he wanted to dismiss this as the result of pity, which caused him no small amount of annoyance. But it was impossible to stay mad at her, a struggle to be mad in the first place. There was a purity in her, an incorruptible kindness and optimism. It made sense that she would want to cling to the positives in her situation, but few had the strength to achieve that.

He closed his eyes as the memory replayed in his mind. Everything about her reaction was the opposite of what one would expect. She hadn't reprimanded him for disobeying orders and instead expressed empathy for him, having been confined indoors for a time herself. He recalled how he caught her outside and she stuttered out an explanation of wanting to find some shade in the fresh air, how she'd wished him well and brought a genuine smile to his face. She could have acted as coldly toward him as he had with her, she should have that done that.

The only time he'd truly experienced anger at her was when she delivered his meal to him, cut to make eating easier for him. But even then, he was inclined to direct the anger at someone else, believing she was ordered to do this for him. Her response had taken him aback. He still suspected that she wanted to try to start securing a place for herself here, but surely she knew it wasn't that simple, having been allowed to do chores to avoid going stir-crazy and feeling useless. She must have considered that prior to making a decision. So why did she go through with it anyway?

Such a simple girl Yukimura Chizuru was. Easy to read, easy to deceive, easy to bring to tears. So simple, yet so complex. A completely open book with subtext on every page that one failed to notice without closer inspection.

"Who are you, Yukimura Chizuru?" Sanan whispered."And why do you affect me so?"

He sought answers to those questions, to get to know her and unravel the mystery surrounding that inner strength of hers.

In the meantime, he would hold her consolation and encouragement close to his heart. If it aided him in fulfilling his duties, then it was merely the logical thing to do...

Chizuru sighed as she sat next to the window in her room, hugging her knees to her chest.

It had been five days since she agreed to keep quiet about what she saw that night in exchange for the Shinsengumi sparing her life and protecting her. She had spoken to Hijikata yesterday about giving her something to do and he said he would think about assigning her menial tasks to keep her busy. As he was occupied planning a mission to Osaka with Sanan, however, that wouldn't be for awhile. So she was left to somehow entertain herself while sitting alone in her quarters.

Harada took her out for a walk last night, which she appreciated. He and Heisuke spoke to her whenever they were on guard duty, especially the latter. With Heisuke, though, something seemed to be bothering him. Not wanting to cause him unnecessary stress, she did not comment on it.

From her pocket she took out the amulet she'd given her father before his departure, running her thumb over it. The flames hadn't damaged it too badly. Hopefully it had done its job of protecting Kodo and he was alive and well and safe. She just had to find him...

"Yukimura-kun."

She almost jumped at the familiar voice at her window. She stood and moved to the window to open it. Sure enough, she was greeted by the smiling face of Sanan.

"Sanan-san, are you on guard duty?" She asked. She thought guard duty was only for the captains.

He shook his head."Actually, Saito-kun is on his way for his shift. There is something I wished to discuss with you."

"Oh." She blinked and bit her lip."Did I do something wrong?"

"Not directly or intentionally," he replied. She frowned in confusion. She opened her mouth to ask him to elaborate, closing it when he lifted a hand to interrupt her. She noticed his other hand was holding something behind his back, and she figured that had some relation to why he was here. She nodded to indicate she was listening.

"I understand that some of the captains, particularly Toudou-kun, have been conversing with you. I also understand that he may be discussing topics with you that he should not be."

Her face flushed."W-Well..." Heisuke was indeed less reserved and secretive when he spoke to her. They rarely talked about her father and even that was through indirect implications to prevent her from learning too much. Still, it was a risk.

"Neither of you are in trouble," he assured."I understand that being in this room at all hours can be stressful without some form of entertainment and that, like any person, you feel the need to get certain things off your chest. So, I am offering you a compromise."

Sanan showed her what he'd been hiding: a book and some pens. He chuckled at her puzzled expression."I have a few empty books I keep in case they are needed. Among the books that I do use is a journal for recording my private thoughts. It has helped me to deal with stress. I figured a journal of your own would be of equal benefit to you." He offered it to her, and she hesitantly accepted it.

"B-But if I write down all my thoughts regarding my situation, wouldn't that pose even more of a threat than me talking?" She didn't want to deny this compromise...

Sanan waved his hand."It is not as though as you actually know anything about what you saw and if you were to write something that could incriminate us, it can be easily disposed of." Before she could ask another question, he read her mind and said,"Kondou-san will have no problem with it. If Hijikata-kun does not like it, he can speak to me about it. You needn't worry."

His smile was reassuring and kind. Chizuru smiled back and bowed deeply.

"Thank you, Sanan-san," she said. He nodded curtly before turning to leave. She called out to him."Oh, um, Sanan-san?"

He stopped and looked at her over his shoulder."Yes?"

She hugged the book to her chest and bowed her head."I heard that you and Hijikata-san are leaving for Osaka at sunrise tomorrow for a mission. I wish you both good luck."

Sanan smiled again and inclined his head."I doubt we will need it. I am used to dealing with ronin." She nodded, and he added,"But thank you for the sentiment, nonetheless."

"Didn't need it, huh?" Chizuru murmured with a humorless smile. She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and clutching her journal to her chest. She knew Sanan was careful, but anyone could be caught off guard and that was exactly what happened to him. That man whom she thought of as logical and kind was seemingly replaced by a bitter, cruel shell of his former self. Were it not for the hints of kindness and good humor he showed around Hijikata and to her on the day of the cat incident, she might have believed that to be the case.

She always wanted to see the good in people, but that desire was special when it came to Sanan. An invisible wall existed between him and the rest of the world, his comrades barely being exceptions. Interacting with him was like opening a book after becoming attracted by the cover to discover that it was written in a foreign language which few, if any, could read. A mystery that could not be deciphered, let alone solved. If men far wiser and experienced in dealing with Sanan could not succeed in that goal, how low were her odds? Alas, she was not one to give up easily.

"Who are you, Sanan Keisuke?" She whispered as she closed her eyes."And why do you affect me so?"

This book...she was determined to study it until she could read it, and she would continue to study it until she solved the mystery behind each word in the text.

She fell asleep, one hand over her heart, with that goal in mind.