Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.

"I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don't dare to let out."
― Ally Carter, Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover

"Good afternoon, Yukimura."

Chizuru almost tripped over her own feet in response to the unexpected voice. The greeting itself was surprising, as the room's occupants were usually engrossed in conversation when she entered and simply gave her nods of gratitude for the refreshments she brought. She'd realized the room was quiet, and that voice had interrupted her thought process. A meeting was supposed to take place here; she must have come early, as did the speaker.

After regaining her bearings, Chizuru bowed her head."G-Good afternoon, Itou-san." She lifted her head and forced herself to look forward, giving the impression that she was looking at him.

Itou stood there, hands clasped behind his back and a saccharine smile on his face. He seemed a bit too pleased to see her, as if he'd been waiting for her. She dismissed that suspicion, as a meeting was scheduled for today and she had seen him enter. She just didn't know that he was the first to arrive. Kondou and Hijikata would be here shortly. All she needed to do was be patient for a few minutes.

"Would you like some tea?" She asked, smiling politely. She did not wish Itou ill, or anyone for that matter, but she preferred not to be around him. His remarks had caused Sanan to drink the Water of Life. The reasonable part of her brain knew that Sanan would have consumed the serum without Itou's influence and that Itou just unknowingly quickened the colonel's decision. That understanding did not lessen her discomfort about him, or on what it led to her learning.

Even if her knowledge on the serum were to increase, she couldn't see herself ever approving of it. Perhaps that was for the best. These men were different from her, both physically and mentally. Still, she wondered if the situation could have gone better if Sanan's sensitivity to what Itou said were weaker or nonexistent. However small a role Itou played in causing this, he played a role nonetheless. And for that reason, she kept her distance from the man, as well as from his brother. The encounter she'd had with Itou that Souji fortunately intervened in was as fresh a memory as yesterday.

"Always so kind and eager to help you are," Itou said, ignoring her question. Chizuru's back tightened as he approached. Glancing at the door, she wondered what was taking the others so long.

Itou was standing in front of her now. The shoji slid open, and her heart swelled with relief...until she saw the new arrival. Miki waved at her as he closed the door and leaned against it. She looked back to Itou, whose smile widened. Again her heart swelled, this time with a different emotion. She took a step back, and Itou stepped forward. Miki chuckled.

She hoped the faint trembling that had consumed her wasn't noticeable. Her grip on the tray tightened, whitening her knuckles.

"Have you heard these ugly rumors of a ghost wandering our headquarters?" Itou asked casually, inspecting his nails."The Commander and Chief are convinced I have been suffering from nightmares because of it, but I know that none of my experiences are dreams."

Chizuru swallowed."It is just a rumor." She spoke carefully."I've heard some men claim that they sometimes see a figure walking outside after curfew. Someone is disobeying orders and trying to frighten others for his own amusement."

Lying was not among her skills, so she told the truth. Sanan was not a ghost, he was disobeying orders, and he was frightening Itou to amuse himself. She was being completely honest without revealing the entire truth.

Itou stroked his chin and hummed thoughtfully."I am inclined to agree with you. It is the identity of this prankster that causes me concern. You see, he speaks to me, whispering my name and laughing at me, and his voice is very familiar." He tapped his fingers against his chin."I do not believe this is a ghost, but what other explanation is there for this voice sounding so much like...Sanan-san?"

Chizuru bit her tongue. If she responded too quickly, his suspicions would be confirmed. She looked down, taking a deep breath to ensure she was composed. Steadily she raised her gaze, unable to keep from digging her teeth into her bottom lip.

"Someone must be playing a cruel joke on us then," she said, blinking back tears. Again not a lie. Sanan was tormenting Itou."I know better than anyone how possible that suggestion of yours is." Yet another truth. She had been there when Sanan drank the serum and was more aware of his situation than anyone else.

That wiped the smile off his face. His thoughtful pose did not waver, though he added some feigned sadness to his expression."Of course. You were the one who discovered his body."

That was the official story. The men had seen how shaken she was as Okita escorted her to her room and the next morning before Sanan's 'death' was announced. She had received sympathetic looks and words from some of them, but that stopped after a few months. And even during that period, Sanan was not a topic to be discussed in public, considering how difficult he'd become after his injury. Eventually, he was forgotten entirely by all except those who knew the secret.

Until now.

"Yes, I discovered him." She had discovered him about to take the "medicine" her father created, not caring if his arm healed or he died, so long as his suffering ended."I tried to save him, but he was too far gone." He was too determined to drink the Water of Life, making it impossible to talk him out of it. And she lacked the physical strength to stop him.

She met Itou's gaze. He put a hand over his heart and closed his eyes."What a tragedy that was. I wish I could have apologized for my inconsiderate remarks about his arm."

Chizuru almost dropped the tray, its contents clattering slightly before she managed to regain her grip. Both Itou and Miki were startled by this, and cautiously watched her place the tray on the floor and stand up straight to address the elder brother.

This time her loss of balance was not due to shock, or at least not just because of that emotion. A spark of anger had struck her when Itou displayed false remorse and grief. It wasn't the first time he'd done that, but hearing him mention that incident which he was partially responsible for, combined with him causing her to relive the night Sanan came close to losing his sanity and his life, made her want to spill hot tea over Itou's head. So for her safety and his own, she discarded that potential weapon.

"With all due respect, Itou-san," she was impressed by the lack of venom in her voice when she uttered his name."I do not believe that for a second." She winced after spitting the last few words of her sentence. Saying that alone was dangerous, especially when he had her cornered, but she didn't care. Itou knew this topic would upset her, and twisted the knife in her gut by reminding her of Sanan's last day as a human. His unawareness of the truth did not prevent him from striking a blow.

Were she not so easy to upset, she could have shrugged this off. Was this how Sanan had felt when Itou spoke that way to him? She wanted to flee the room as he had that day, hating the fact that Miki was guarding her only escape. Screaming and starting a scene was too risky. All she could do was pray that the others would arrive for the meeting soon-

Her eyes widened. Surely at least one person should be here by now. After all, Miki had said that-

If possible, her eyes would have widened more. She backed away from the approaching Itou and looked at his brother over her shoulder."Where are the others? You told me there'd be a meeting and that I was supposed to bring tea for them."

Miki widened his eyes in a show of fake innocence."Oh, did I say that? Sorry for the misinformation."

Itou tittered."Oh, Saburo darling, you ought to be more punctual." He tutted and wagged a finger. Grinning wryly, Miki shrugged.

Chizuru paled, her whole body going cold. Miki cocked his head, silently daring her to try to get past him. Itou tapped on her shoulder to return her attention to him.

"What were you saying just now?" He whispered."If I didn't know better, I'd say that you think I am a remorseless pig."

Chizuru shrugged his hand off her shoulder."I'm leaving." She swiftly walked toward the door, giving Miki what she hoped was an annoyed look that would persuade him to let her pass.

The younger of the two brothers stepped forward and reached out to grab her arms, holding her in place. Itou stood directly behind her, undoubtedly smiling.

"Let me go." She squirmed. Miki spun her around to face his brother and held her arms from behind to restrain her.

Just as Itou was opening his mouth, the shoji slid open to reveal Saito and Heisuke. Miki released her and stepped back, as did Itou. The captains ran to her, each of them coming to stand between Chizuru and one of the brothers.

"Itou-san." Saito narrowed his eyes."Is there a problem?"

"It's fine, Saito-san," Chizuru said. Saito and Heisuke glanced at her, the former lifting a hand to prevent the latter from speaking. Itou took this as an opportunity to excuse himself, and gestured for Miki to follow him. The captains reluctantly let them go.

Chizuru shakily brought a hand to her chest, and closed her eyes as she felt the rapid heartbeat within her ribcage.

After she explained what had happened, Saito ordered Heisuke to escort her to her room while he reported the incident to Hijikata.

Heisuke had tried to talk to her, but gave up when she indicated that she did not want to discuss the matter anymore for the time being. At the moment, he was silently standing guard outside.

Chizuru wrote quickly in her journal, not caring if her handwriting was intelligible. She needed to get this out of her mind immediately.

Itou had led her into a trap. And she might have given him too much information. She wouldn't put it past him to keep a close eye on her from now and try to get her alone again.

And it was all because of herself and Sanan...

She paused, holding the pen over the page and shutting her eyes. If she had told him to put an end to his walks instead of just lessening them, this wouldn't have occurred. It had been her mistake of letting her sympathy for Sanan overpower her logic. To make it worse, she had laughed at his torment of Itou and dismissed the threat this posed. She had not reported her findings to Hijikata and Kondou, instead allowing Sanan to do as he pleased with minimal restraint.

As much as it would pain her to do so, she should have treated him the same way she'd been treated when she started living with the Shinsengumi. Not because of ill will or a lack of pity, but pragmatism. If she could speak with him again, she would make that clear to him.

She shook her head. No doubt Hijikata and Kondou would handle that. Yet the desire to talk to him remained. As immature and illogical as it sounded, she didn't think anyone else could get through to Sanan. They hadn't tried to do anything about the rumors in the past, so what was stopping them from further inaction?

A sigh left her lips. This desire for closeness with Sanan, to learn to read and understand the enigmatic book that he was, was getting to her. Sanan would have found this obsession of hers ridiculous. She had no right to act this way toward him. They were barely friends, and no matter how significant their interactions may have been, there was no intimacy between them.

Why then had he kissed her forehead? She pressed her palm to the spot his lips had touched. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel the warmth and tenderness of his lips, his firm grip on her shoulder, his whispered sentence and breath against her skin. He had teased her, neither denying nor confirming his jealousy. Although this vexed her, she was used to his roundabout way of speaking, even enjoying it to an extent. That being said, she desperately wanted a straight answer just this once. Did she mean something to him? Did he feel this same strange fascination for her?

Groaning, she closed the book and pressed her forehead to it. A mere moment ago, her thoughts were focused on logic, only to return to this burning curiosity about Sanan Keisuke. She hugged the book to her chest.

What reason would he have to care for her? She was a child to him, having been called that by him on one occasion when she brought his food to him. He knew how easy she was to tease and likely sought to amuse himself. But the more she attempted to convince herself of that, the more reason she received to doubt that.

With another groan, she fell onto her side on the futon, still hugging her journal to her bosom. Stubborn, mysterious, confusing man! Why was clear and rational thought so difficult to achieve whenever he became the topic of her contemplations?

Sighing, Chizuru pulled the blanket up to her chin. Knowing Hijikata, she doubted he would get back to her about today's events anytime soon, and the stress was draining her. She was in no condition to think about this, so she gave another sigh and let her eyes fall shut, hoping to have an easier time after a nap.

Heisuke closed the shoji with a sigh, having opened it to check on Chizuru and found her asleep. Her facial features were twisted with anxiety, and he was temped to comfort her, but he reminded himself that she should want to accept his help first. His worry was assuaged a bit when she relaxed and settled into a peaceful slumber.

He leaned against the door and rubbed his temples. Why did everything involving Sanan have to be so complex? He had known that ignoring the rumors and Itou's complaints would lead to trouble, but he kept his mouth shut. Honestly, he still didn't want to do anything about it. The moral part of him understood that this couldn't be dismissed and needed to be dealt with, but the other part was too strong to overcome.

He was still shaken by his encounter with Sanan last night. He wished he hadn't said the things he did, yet he knew he wouldn't be able to restrain himself from repeating those statements if he had to redo the conversation. Neither would Sanan.

The pure seriousness in his voice when he stated that he hoped Heisuke would never need to make that choice regarding the Water of Life, and his demands for Heisuke to leave when the bloodlust struck him, how desperate and angry he looked as he closed the door on Heisuke's face...

That desire to judge Sanan burned inside Heisuke and each time he tried to, his less than logical thoughts poured over him like a bucket of hot water. He didn't know everything, and he was too scared to learn more. If there was a correct stance to take on this, he would not likely ever find it, or put much effort into attempting to.

What would Itou do now? It was no secret that he wanted to leave and convince others to join him. Heisuke was among those men, though he was already considering it without another person's influence. The one person he could get this off his chest with should not have to add to her own burden, especially in light of recent events, so he kept it to himself.

Shinpachi and Harada made 'being a man' seem so easy; he wondered how much they were struggling with all of this.

Heisuke snorted. Quite the situation they'd gotten themselves into. How they would get out of it should be interesting...