Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.

"If you have to keep a secret it's because you shouldn't be doing it in the first place."
— David Nicholls (One Day)

"Sanan-san, we need to talk."

Sanan froze at the words that left Hijikata's mouth, his pen hovering over the page. He had opened his mouth to greet the Commander when the latter bluntly spoke.

Hijikata disliked nonesense, but his current tone indicated just how serious his reasons for coming here were.

After a second of silence, Sanan put down the pen and closed the book before turning in his seat to face Hijikata, who was already sitting down a few feet across from him.

"There was an incident today involving Itou-san and Yukimura," Hijikata said.

Sanan's eyes widened. His expression quickly returned to its usual stoicalness, though his fists remained clenched in his lap. Neither he nor Hijikata broke eye contact.

"Yukimura is fine, if a bit shaken," Hijikata explained."Itou-san had his brother lie to her about a meeting to lure her to the common room. Saito and Heisuke found them before anything extreme could happen. Saito gave me a report based on information from Yukimura about the incident. I'm sure you've heard rumors about a ghost wandering headquarters."

Sanan nodded curtly."From what I understand, that rumor is fading." He spoke carefully.

"Not enough to get rid of Itou-san's suspicions. He discussed it with Yukimura, who naturally tried to assure him it was just a prank, a cruel prank, but still a prank, and he seemed willing to accept that if not for one detail." Hijikata's tone hardened the slightest bit, and Sanan knew what was coming next. He wanted to close his eyes, but settled for tightening his fists. Hijikata did not shift his gaze, and thus did not notice this.

"For a few weeks now, Itou-san has been claiming to hear a voice at his window at night."

Sanan did not react, both from subtlety and a lack of surprise.

"And a laugh whenever he moves."

Still no reaction. He was well aware of what else was to come.

"He told Yukimura that while he is inclined to dismiss this as a prank...no, that wasn't his wording...rather, he said he doesn't believe this is a ghost, but what other explanation could there be for the voice sounding so much like...you."

Sanan raised an eyebrow.

Hijikata crossed his arms."Kondou-san and I were willing to brush this off as Itou-san drinking too much sake during his time spent with some of the men recently and experiencing recurring nightmares, but this detail can't be ignored."

"I agree," Sanan said, nodding."Especially if Yukimura-kun could have been put in danger because of this."

His hands twitched, and Hijikata glanced down a second after his hands stilled. He narrowed his eyes once he looked back up.

On the outside, Sanan was calm as could be, but on the inside, a nagging feeling burned his soul. It took all his strength not to show any external reaction.

He meant what he said about Chizuru's safety. Itou's face flashed in his mind, and he imagined a sword splitting it in half. How dare that sniveling bastard involve her in this? How dare he put her danger?

Sanan stopped himself. As much as he wanted to destroy Itou, this was his fault. He had let his emotions get the better of him, tossing aside caution for what he fooled himself into believing was harmless fun. He knew the official story regarding his "death": Chizuru had discovered him and tried to save his life, to no avail. Of course Itou would use that knowledge as a lead. Sanan had delivered that information straight into Itou's hands and nearly caused Chizuru to suffer.

He should have kept his walks to just walking. No, he should have just settled for stepping out to breathe fresh air. No, even that seemed too risky now despite the fact that no one unaware of the secret was allowed in this section of the compound. He should just crack a window open for a few minutes and get his fresh air that way.

Hijikata sighed."I don't know what to make of this." He massaged his forehead with his fingers."I want to believe Itou-san is letting his imagination get the better of him in his desperation to find a reason to leave the Shinsengumi, but this could lead to something."

"It is quite the plight," Sanan agreed. A plight he caused.

Hijikata went on as if he hadn't heard him."If these nightmares stop suddenly, it'll add to Itou-san's suspicions that we're hiding something from him. I hope that they gradually fade like the rumors are. We're not ready for this yet."

Sanan parted his lips, then closed them. Not once had Hijikata lectured him, accused him, or so much as indicated Sanan's guilt. Was he giving him the benefit of the doubt? An indirect plea for caution?

Sanan nodded."That would be wise." If his thoughts were correct, Hijikata would accept his indirect gratitude.

Nodding back, Hijikata stood. Right as he was about to leave the room, he spoke with his back still facing his friend."Sanan-san, on an unrelated note, are you alright?"

Sanan blinked, showing a hint of his surprise at the question."As well as can be expected." Not an assurance nor a denial. It was the truth, plain and simple.

When Hijikata looked at him over his shoulder with a worried expression, he smiled."I chose this, Hijikata-kun. It was my suggestion. Why would I complain?"

Hijikata gave a tentative nod."Just...be careful, alright?"

Sanan's smile did not falter."Of course."

Hijikata studied him for another minute before inclining his head and leaving.

Sanan remained completely still, listening to each footstep and the opening and closing of the shoji. He stayed that way for another minute, then raised his arm and slammed his fist against the floor. He shakily breathed in and out. The sounds of the Furies rattling their chains was almost inaudible compared to his own heartbeat.

What was he supposed to do? If he abruptly stopped, especially so soon after Itou made his suspicions known, that would practically confirm it. If he gradually stopped, like Hijikata may or may not have suggested, that could work. But what if Itou was counting on all of this? For all his cowardice and other negative qualities, he was clever.

Sanan closed his eyes and slowly twisted his lips into a smile."Very well, Itou-san. I can be clever too."

Chizuru's eyes slowly fluttered open.

Her journal was still clutched to her bosom when she awoke. She didn't feel as stressed as she had before falling asleep, but the issues that had drained her so much in the first place were at the center of her mind.

Sitting up with a sigh, she put the book aside. She hugged her knees to her chest and leaned forward to rest her chin on them. What was she going to do, with herself and Sanan? Even now, with a clear head from her nap, she couldn't think straight in regards to him.

Goodness, how long had she slept? It had been just an hour past noon when she drifted off, yet it was clearly well past curfew now. She must have underestimated her own exhaustion and stress as of late. Not that this stopped her from lecturing the men about getting rest. Perhaps recent events combined with those lectures were responsible for this. Oh, how clever irony could be.

The sound of footsteps snapped her back to reality. Before she could fully process this, she heard a tapping on the door and the moonlight revealed a familiar silhouette on the other side of the shoji.

"Yukimura-kun," Sanan whispered."Are you awake?"

Chizuru extended a hand whilst biting her lip. Should she let him in? This was not the first time she'd been alone with him in her quarters, having discussed Kazama's visit and Kodo's history with the Shinsengumi and the Furies in the past. Plus, she needed to talk to him about today's events.

And she did tell him that her door was always open to him.

After clearing her throat and swallowing thickly, she whispered for him to come in.

Sanan slowly and carefully slid the shoji open, giving her a grimace as he closed it. She sat in seiza position as he approached and then sat in the same position as her.

"Hijikata-kun paid me a visit," he said."He explained...the incident between yourself and Itou-san."

Chizuru gripped the fabric of her pants and partially hung her head. Sanan sighed, but she did not look up. Suddenly, warmth touched her chin and she was gently but firmly forced to meet his gaze. His thumb and index finger did not release her chin as he studied her.

Her heart was racing, though not like it had from her encounter with Itou."I-I'm fine," she stuttered, trying to close her eyes and hang her head again, but he did not let her."I was nervous, but I..." She swallowed once more."I wasn't hurt. You don't need to worry about me."

Why was she reassuring him? She should be scolding him, letting him know how much worse it could have gone and that this should be a lesson to him. She told herself that she first needed to make sure he understood that this had not turned out as bad as it could have so he would be more cautious in the future. But as much as she wanted to lecture him, another part of her refused to do that. His gaze and grip on her worsened her struggle.

The shaking intensified and her eyes stung. No, she couldn't cry. She had to be strong.

You're a strong one.

She didn't think it possible, but the shaking got even worse. Tears pricked her eyelids. She opened her mouth to speak, but shut it when a choked, soft noise came out. No words formed in her mind anyway, so there was no point in trying to talk.

She wasn't strong. She was scared, unable to get a grip on her emotions, weak.

As uneasy as she'd previously felt about the encounter with Itou, it didn't come close to this. What if Saito and Heisuke didn't arrive in time, or at all? What if Itou did something to her? What if-

The grip on her vanished, warmth touching the back of her head and her back before she was pulled forward. Stronger warmth then touched her face. Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed as she realized Sanan had pulled her to him. She balled the fabric of his clothing into her fists. Her body was still shaking as she choked again. She couldn't cry, she shouldn't cry, there wasn't any reason to cry...

A sob escaped her, and Sanan tightened his embrace. He rubbed circles into her back and stroked her head. She stopped fighting her emotions and sobbed into his chest. He didn't say anything, just held her. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, only that she couldn't seem to stop crying. Yet Sanan did not seem to mind.

She lifted her eyes to glance up at him, and his grave facial expression ensured that she wouldn't be able to lecture him. He knew that this was his fault. The idea of bringing more him stress by rubbing that in his face broke her heart.

Why did she care more about his feelings than her own? She could tell he felt that way about her, but that was merely logical considering his actions had led to this. So why did her heart insist there was more to it than that? And why was her brain torn between agreeing and disagreeing with her heart?

At last, after she didn't know how long, she relaxed. The worry hadn't left her, but crying it out had helped. Sanan loosened his embrace, allowing her to disentangle herself from his arms. He continued rubbing her back while he waited for her breathing to even out.

"I..." Her voice was hoarse.

"Hush," Sanan said."You have no obligation to explain yourself, nor feel guilty or embarrassed." He moved his hand to rest it atop her head and tapped his fingers against her scalp.

"You needn't worry about Itou-san causing trouble for you anymore," he assured. She frowned. Did that mean he was going to put an end to his walks?

Sanan hummed."I will take care of this. Just relax...and trust me." His smile was both reassuring and wicked.

Chizuru gave a weak but genuine smile, and nodded.