Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.
"No matter where you are, you're always a bit on your own, always an outsider."
— Banana Yoshimoto (Goodbye Tsugumi)
Finally, things were actually returning to normal.
That wasn't to say they would go back completely to the past, but the tension within their headquarters had lessened significantly. Hesiuke and Saito still kept an eye on her and Hijikata made sure Itou was a reasonable distance from her whenever they were in the same room.
That said, their efforts seemed increasingly less necessary, as Itou and Miki stopped trying to trap her. The rumors were fading, barely a whisper coming out every now and then. Itou no longer mentioned his nightly scares, nor did he drink.
At last, they could breathe easier.
Chizuru hummed to herself as she sat in her cot and wrote in her journal. As stressful as the situation with Itou had been, it did help somewhat. Hijikata made sure she went on patrol more often so she could work more on finding leads about her father. She was disappointed but unsurprised to still come home empty-handed or with misinformation, yet it was better than doing nothing. Eventually, something had to come up.
Kodo always came back. He'd made it clear how important his daughter was to him and would never abandon her. No matter how long it took, she would find him, even if she needed to wait another few years. She had so many questions to ask him. About the Shinsengumi, about the serum...
She bit her lip. Surely Kodo was well-intentioned in creating the serum. As a doctor, he swore to save people. Which was why she both dreaded and yearned to hear his explanations.
Did they really have a right to decide who lived and who died? Was immortality possible? Was it worth the cost? The struggle with sanity and desire for blood? How could that be justified? Not for the first time she reminded herself of how different she was from the Shinsengumi men, but that didn't explain Kodo's part in this. And how could one forget Kazama's claims about her father?
A heavy sigh escaped her lips. Though she did not doubt that Kodo loved her, she had realized that she didn't know him as well as she thought she did. The Water of Life wasn't the only questionable decision he'd made.
Kodo had gone to extremes to ensure no one knew of Chizuru's fast healing, to the point of sometimes scaring her with his reminders that she was forbidden from revealing it to anyone.
He hardly mentioned his work outside of the clinic when he traveled, so it made sense that he was dealing in these dark matters. He'd kept her sheltered her whole life. Ironic that she learned more about the world from the people who'd initially imprisoned her than from the man who raised her.
Growing up, she spent most of her time in the clinic. She did interact with other children, but her healing abilities made it difficult to form and maintain close bonds. Kodo was the sole close link she possessed. Even the Shinsengumi still didn't know her secret. Any injuries she received were always minor and nothing that required Yamazaki's help, so as bad as she was at lying, she could twist the truth and that kept her secret safe.
Then there was the lack of knowledge about her family other than Kodo. Her earliest memory was of Kodo. He never mentioned her mother, did not even say her name or how she died, though Chizuru had suspected as a child that her mother healed like her and may have suffered a terrible fate for it. Did Kodo have that ability too? Kazama did say that all Demons healed quickly, and loathe as she was to trust him, there was some sense in his words.
Chizuru gave another sigh. She missed the old days when all was simple, when she wasn't questioning everything she thought she knew, when there didn't seem to be lies and half-truths everywhere, when she wasn't wondering whom to trust or if she should trust anyone at all. Well, anyone except for Sanan.
There she went again. No matter what the man did, her trust and sympathy for him remained. Her mind was at an endless one-sided war regarding him.
Sanan had kept his promise to make sure Itou no longer bothered her, yet he had caused that issue in the first place, but he was obviously very remorseful for his mistake.
He had attacked her after drinking the Water of Life, yet he hadn't been in the right state of mind at that moment and he stopped when she uttered his name.
He endured great loneliness, yet that his own fault for being so standoffish and later drinking the Water of Life and refusing to see past his own negative thoughts on himself and his injury.
He suffered and regretted so much, yet most of that was the result of his own illogicalness and pettiness.
She knew all of this, yet she could not condemn him. Any chance of harboring negativity toward him was low. He would always have her trust and compassion.
A tap on the window startled her back into reality. She stood, then hesitated, biting her lip while she pondered what to do. After a minute, she shook her head and opened the window.
She frowned upon being greeted by nothing. Had she been hearing things? No, the tapping had been soft but perfectly distinct. Someone had been at her window and fled for whatever reason. She looked around and was about to settle for the explanation of it being her imagination when she spotted something.
On the windowsill was a folded piece of paper. Chizuru looked around again before taking the paper and closing her window. She unfolded the note, and her eyes widened slightly when she recognized a certain someone's handwriting.
Thank you.
She smiled. It would be awhile before things could be resolved, and she did not expect that resolution to be entirely peaceful and happy, though she wished for a fraction of positivity in the conclusion. But this little note gave her one thing to be genuinely hopeful about.
Sighing, Sanan rubbed his eyes.
Now that the situation with Itou was taken care of, he could return to his research. No sooner had he started, than he recalled his frustration with the lack of breakthroughs. No changes in behavior, no new test subjects, nothing. Twice he had reexamined the fury that seemed to show intelligence, to no avail; it had returned to its usual savagery. He hadn't even been working that long and already he was nearing the end of his tether. He simply did not have it in him today to work.
Or maybe he wanted his thoughts to distract him.
Hijikata had not paid him another visit. Yamazaki gave him a few updates so he knew the plan succeeded, but that was over. Not that Sanan expected otherwise. Things were returning to normal, after all. Well, except for his walks. He only allowed himself a few minutes outside now (except, of course, his most recent trip). The last thing he wanted was to restart the problem he'd recently fixed. Chizuru had suffered more than enough because of him.
Yet he knew she would forgive him. And he could never repay that kindness. That note, that tiny acknowledgement of her undeserved compassion and faith for him, was he all he could do to thank her besides resolve the messes he'd accidentally dragged her into.
She'd probably forgiven him already. Though she was certainly capable of getting angry, she always tried to be open-minded, a courtesy that was doubly extended to him and a courtesy they both knew better than anyone else that he did not deserve. She would insist otherwise, for sure, but the obvious truth could not be ignored.
Yukimura Chizuru, the little simple-looking book filled with easy-to-miss subtext that few gave her credit for. He still wanted to solve that mystery, but it was long past time to move on. They had just survived a close call because of his mischief; he was not about to let his fascination cause another problem. It was best for both of them, for all of the Shinsengumi, that he kept his distance. He had sacrificed the right to expect more from this life long ago.