Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.
"I had no idea how lonely I was until I wasn't lonely anymore."
— Fyn Alexander (Angel and the Assassin (Angel and the Assassin, #1))
Katamitsu stayed still, not even daring to shake as Sanan undid the chains. Once freed he fell and was caught by the colonel, who lowered them both to sit on the floor. He clung to the older man's clothing and squeezed his arm in a painfully tight manner. Terror of being chained back up and abandoned again overtook his relief. The words uttered to him minutes ago were the only thing keeping him calm.
You are alive, and you are not alone.
He lowered his head, allowing his body to tremble and the sobs to restart. His grip on Sanan tightened. He collapsed, Sanan's grasp on him the sole thing preventing him from falling face first onto the floor. The sobs came so forcefully and swiftly that he choked. He wanted to hit something, scream, but it wasn't the murderous fury that consumed him since he woke up after almost dying, but a human desperation. His heart beat wildly in his chest. So much pain, but not the agony and thirst. Those inhuman sufferings were replaced by human things he hadn't felt in gods knew how long.
He closed his eyes, remembering in perfect detail without the pain and dehydration to distract him. The ambush of the ronin, him shielding Chief Kondou, Yukimura and Yamazaki tending his wounds and yelling for Matsumoto to be summoned, Sanan coming to him with the red liquid, waking up in so much pain...
He swallowed, finally regaining his calmness and clarity. He relaxed, loosening his grip on Sanan. His brows furrowed."Dead," he rasped, putting a hand to his stomach, where the ronin had wounded him in a mockery of seppuku. He weakly gestured to Sanan."Dead."
Neither of them should be alive. Katamitsu knew the moment he was wounded that he was doomed, and Sanan had killed himself from despair after injuring his arm. Yukimura, the same one that had offered empty promises and consolations to the dying Katamitsu, had found a dying Sanan and unsuccessfully tried to save him. Then Sanan came with that red liquid, the pain and darkness once he drank it, then he lost consciousness and awoke to madness...
Come to...guide me...to the world...of the...dead?
That is up to you.
Your choice, Kimura-kun. How do you die?
I die a warrior.
Sanan snorted."For all intents and purposes, we are dead." He gestured to the general area."Everyone here is dead."
Katamitsu let go of Sanan's clothes to touch his own lips."Drank something, tasted like...blood." He coughed and choked on air. How long had he been mute save for grunts, growls, and cries of agony? He couldn't recognize his own voice, and his throat was dry, though thankfully not from the burning thirst.
"The Water of Life." Sanan's voice was silkily smooth, matter-of-fact."We are Furies. We heal faster than humans and we are physically stronger, but sunlight weakens us and..."
Healing. Sanan's arm, Katamitsu's wounds...
Katamitsu's fingers moved to his throat."Woke up hurting and...thirsty. Throat burned." But not anymore. He felt normal, minus the chaotic need to cry moments ago.
Sanan smiled sadly."Bloodlust. Most of you constantly feel it. I experience it randomly."
Yes, he'd listened for the sounds of pain and hitting as the thirst attacked Sanan, put his efforts into trying to be noticed every time, and it'd finally worked.
Katamitsu shook his head."N-Not thirsty...anymore."
"The medicine helps ease the pain. It is no cure, just a-"
Katamitsu shook his head again."N-Not thirsty...at all."
Sanan's eyes narrowed."I see." He stroked his chin."Then you've become more like me. The bloodlust will be an occasional agony rather than a constant one." He chuckled humorlessly."I don't know if that's better or worse." He pursed his lips."Odd, considering you still look like a Fury. Your hair and eyes haven't returned to normal."
So he still resembled a monster.
Katamitsu broke into a coughing fit, frantically gesturing to his throat. Water, not blood, water.
Sanan reached into his pocket for more medicine. Katamitsu waved his hand."W-Water!" He choked out.
Sanan raised an eyebrow, complying when the younger man kept coughing and gesturing to his throat. He returned a minute later with a pitcher and cup of water, the latter of which Katamitsu practically yanked from him. He choked on the water in his urgency, forcing Sanan to slap him on the back.
Sanan kept a palm on his back as he poured another cup of water and handed it to him."Relax," he whispered, rubbing circles into his back."You are alive, and you are not alone."
Downing the second cup, Katamitsu nodded vigorously. He shakily consumed the third one. The fourth cup was sufficient to sooth him. The cup fell from his hands into Sanan's free hand and he dropped onto all fours, panting heavily. He pressed his forehead to the floor, waiting for his breathing to even out while Sanan continued rubbing his back.
"Your body is adjusting," Sanan said."This may be worse than the adjustment period immediately after drinking the serum."
Whimpering, Katamitsu curled into himself.
The thought of looking in a mirror and seeing the white-haired, red-eyed monster staring back at him made him want to shatter every mirror in the world. Of course, that posed the risk of catching a glimpse of himself before breaking it, so better to avoid mirrors completely.
He wished this were a dream, a nightmare, but it felt far too real and he'd long since dismissed that possibility.
Sanan stopped consoling him."I remember you." His voice lowered, and he chuckled."You thought I was initiating you into the afterlife." Wistfulness entered his tone."Not too long ago, I would have agreed that we might as well be dead. But she-I mean, I was convinced otherwise by someone recently."
You are alive, and you are not alone.
"She?" Katamitsu's question was muffled by the floor. Women weren't allowed at headquarters. He'd heard rumors of a woman Sanan knew, but...
Sanan bit his tongue and then clicked it against his teeth.."I...will explain that later. When you are better." Not having it in him to protest despite his curiosity, Katamitsu tried something resembling a nod in his current awkward position.
Sanan's hand returned to his back."Kimura Katamitsu, right?" Another awkward, more shaky, attempt at a nod."You were - are - one of our best men. For what it's worth, I'm glad you're alive."
You are alive, and you are not alone.
Katamitsu moved to rest his cheek on the floor so he could look at Sanan."O-Others here?"
Sanan's glasses flashed."Everyone that suffers a fatal wound or breaks the code is offered the Water of Life. But they haven't regained their minds like you and I have. The bloodlust is...not easy to endure."
Katamitsu sat up."Everyone?" Including his friends that had to commit seppuku?
Sanan nodded, his face grim. But then he smiled."However, you and I are sane despite some...occasional pains, so there is hope for them as well."
His limbs lost their strength, unable to hold him up, and he fully collapsed flat on the floor, arms and legs outstretched like a star's arrows. He groaned, and Sanan resumed his soothing ministrations against his back.
Several seconds of silence, then a chuckle from Sanan that evoked a curious look from Katamitsu.
"Forgive me," he said, still chuckling."But you remind me of one of my students back at the dojo after a particularly vigorous training session. They would drop like rag dolls to the floor, miraculously not breaking their noses in the process."
Katamitsu snorted, choked, and started coughing. Sanan reached for the water pitcher, stopping when he received a wave of assurance. Katamitsu rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, limbs still outstretched like star arrows.
Sanan stood, bringing his hands into his sleeves. He examined the room."We'll have to modify this room. Get rid of the chains, bring a futon in here, find your sword and return it to you, so many things to do..." He paused."I remember after most of your friends..."died", you gave their swords to their family, friends, or any important loved one. We tried to give your family your sword, but they..." He trailed off, frowning.
It wasn't a surprise in the slightest. He knew years before he told them about his desire to become a samurai and to reject the position fate demanded he follow that they would disown him. The only new thing they must have done upon being told he was dead was probably celebrate him getting what he deserved for defying the law and use him as a cautionary tale against disobeying fate. He wondered how they'd react to his true fate. Would they consider this a worse fate than death and insult him further for it?
Katamitsu snorted, managing to not choke this time."Dead to them...long before this." It was easier to talk now, his voice slightly less raspy and throat no longer dry.
Sanan sat in seiza position beside him. There was sadness in his eyes, but no pity, which Katamitsu appreciated. Given Sanan's disdain for pity after he injured his arm, that was understandable.
Katamitsu swallowed."I want...t-to see-" Maybe if they saw him, he could get through to them, help them like he'd wanted to when he thought they were dead.
"Not tonight," Sanan said in a tone that brooked no argument. He gestured to Katamitsu."As I said, it is better to give you the full story when you are better. You are still too weak and in shock. I must keep a close eye on your condition."
Having no rebuttal for that and never having been one to defy his superiors (not counting his family, of course), Katamitsu briefly closed his eyes in acquiescence.
Sanan offered him a hand up, and after taking a deep breath Katamitsu accepted it. Slowly the older man helped him to his feet, though Katamitsu still had to lean on him for support. They made their way out of the room.
Sanan stared straight ahead."Furies are not allowed outside, but..." They stopped in front of the exit and Sanan slid the shoji open. The warm night air immediately drifted in, a pleasant breeze touching them both
Katamitsu clung tighter to Sanan as they stepped outside. The moon and starry sky looked so beautiful, and he gawked up at the sky like it was his first time seeing it. How long had he been chained up inside?
Sanan helped him sit against a wall. Katamitsu hugged his knees to his chest, holding back tears at the sight of the beauty he had under-appreciated in the past.
"No one is allowed to go to this section of the compound, so as long we stay within our boundaries, there shouldn't be an issue." He looked away, his voice so quiet that Katamitsu guessed he wasn't meant to hear the next thing Sanan said."For us, and for her..."
Again those thoughts of women at headquarters and the stories of a woman from Sanan's past. He wouldn't get an answer tonight, so best to ignore it for now.
Katamitsu gave an absentminded nod, never taking his gaze off the sky."What happens to us now?" He asked."To all of us?"
Sanan lifted his left hand to point his palm toward the moon as another breeze came."We survived, so we adapt, we have faith." He gave a faint smile."And we live."
Katamitsu liked the sound of that.
You are alive, and you are not alone.
It seemed those words didn't just apply to himself.