Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.
"An intimate relationship is not necessarily a physical relationship. Rather, it is a trusting, close friendship with another person in which one can be honest without fear of rejection."
— Erik Erikson
Four-year-old Chizuru wandered her small home. Since awakening from a bad fall and hitting her head, she was too worried about getting hurt again to move around much, so she stretched her legs by familiarizing herself with the house she and her father had just moved into. He assured her it was nothing serious, that she'd just fallen off their wagon while they were traveling to Edo and hadn't sustained any serious injures, but warned her to be careful in the future.
Her father was out getting supplies. He told her to stay inside and not break anything or hurt herself, placing emphasis on the latter. So she studied every inch of the place and started a game to test her memory. She rushed from one part of the house to the next, guessing little details. A grin grew on her face with each success and soon she was giggling. So caught in her excitement was she that she forget the situation and was startled by the door suddenly opening. She tripped over her own feet and fell on her backside with a squeak.
"Chizuru!" Kodo almost dropped the supplies in his hurry to check on her."I told you to be careful! Are you hurt?"
She jumped up."I'm okay!" She gave him a grin."You just surprised me...father." It felt strange calling him that. Perhaps she'd hit her head worse than Kodo thought. But he was a doctor, so he knew best. She was just a bit dazed by the fall, and needed to get used to things. They were in a new home, so a fresh start for her mind was perfect.
After giving a half-amused, half-exasperated headshake, Kodo patted her head and moved to get the rest of the things he'd gotten inside.
"Can I help?" She asked, following him around as he brought everything inside.
"It's too heavy for you to carry," he replied, setting down the last box. He turned to close the door but she beat him to it. He chuckled at her eagerness to assist."Don't worry, once I've set up the clinic, there will be plenty for you to help me with."
Her eyes lit up."Am I going to learn how to be a doctor like you, father?"
"For now, let's just settle for getting things for me and when you're older you'll move to more tasks." Kodo smiled."And I also have far important duties for you to...fulfill."
She nodded vigorously."I'll be the best helper ever! I promise!" She was bouncing with glee."I won't ever fail you!"
Chuckling, he knelt to pat her head."Of that I have no doubt." His voice dropped to a murmur."You'll always be my good little smart girl..."
Yes, of course she would. Disappointing him would be the worst she could ever do.
"Chizuru, come here."
Chizuru turned away from the window and hopped off the desk she'd been standing on. She ran as fast as her little feet could carry her. He sounded serious, enough for her to wonder if she accidentally did something wrong.
Kodo had finished setting up the clinic and they'd eaten dinner recently. He asked a few times about her head to be certain she had recovered and checked once, but all was well.
Kodo was knelt over a box, his back facing her. When he heard her enter, he told her to sit. She nervously plopped down in front of him. Turning, he revealed a sword in its sheath. He smiled at her wide-eyed expression and removed the blade from its sheath for her to see.
"This kodachi belongs to you, my dear," he explained."It has been passed down within our family for generations."
Her eyes widened further."M-mine?"
"Yes, yours." He beckoned her to come closer, which she tentatively did. She couldn't stop gaping at the weapon. She was a doctor's daughter. Shouldn't fighting and weaponry be the last thing on her mind? Still, she found the blade pretty and wanted to hold it.
Kodo ran his fingers along the sheath, an emotion she couldn't decipher glinting in his eyes. After a long moment of silence, he looked up at her."Don't worry, I'm not going to make you fight anyone. Rather, you should avoid fighting completely. But this sword is an important part of your heritage and a part of you, so you'll learn the basics of using it."
Chizuru nodded. She liked the sound of that. Maybe she could use the sword as a reminder of why medicine and safety were so important. She fidgeted with her hands, wanting to take the sword but unable to shake off her initial nerves about it.
"Give me your hand," Kodo commanded, reaching for her. She did not hesitate to obey.
He brought the blade closer to her skin and she panicked, tugging on her hand to get free. A thousand confused, terrified questions filled her mind and were about to burst from her lips. Kodo's grip was gentle but firm, and his expression brooked no argument. He lightly cut her finger with the blade. Just a prick, and only a droplet of blood escaped the wound before it closed. He released her, and she cradled her hand to her chest, studying it in disbelief. Her skin showed no sign of having been cut and were it not for the blood on the floor and the phantom of a light pain from where her finger was pricked, she would have believed she imagined it all due to her headfirst fall.
Kodo sheathed the blade and offered it to her. She shakily took it and gawked at him, wordlessly pleading for an explanation. He patted her head; she grasped his wrist in her tiny fingers to keep it there. A ghost of a smile touched his lips. His free hand took her by the chin.
"You are special, my dear. Ever since you were born, you've healed faster than others." He gave her another pat on the head."That's why your head healed so quickly and just left you dazed and asleep for a short while. There are some injuries that will take longer to heal if they are especially severe or...a certain weapon is used, but you will still recover faster than everyone else."
She tightened her grip on his wrist."I was...born this way?" How had she not noticed this? Her memory must have been greatly harmed by the fall. But if her father was telling her this, it had to be true and she'd just seen it with her own eyes. It was real.
Nodding, he tightened his own grip on her chin."Don't tell anyone else. When you train with your kodachi you'll wear special gloves and equipment to protect yourself. No playing any rough games that could get you hurt at all. If anyone asks, tell them you're sick and get hurt easily. You're a doctor's daughter, so people will know better than to doubt."
Chizuru nodded vigorously while clutching the kodachi to her chest.
Her father said so, so it was best. And she would always be her father's good smart little girl...
Chizuru gasped as her eyes snapped open and her head flew up to gape at the sky. Her journal and pen fell from her lap onto the ground. She'd been sitting on the engawa when the memories suddenly overtook her, replaying perfectly in her mind as if she were reliving them.
Two of her earliest memories, for she could recall nothing before awakening as a four-year-old girl and Kodo explaining what happened to her. She never regained her memories prior to the fall, ultimately agreeing with Kodo that it didn't matter since she was very young and otherwise made a full recovery.
Chizuru obeyed his command to be careful, making sure everyone heard the lie about her fragile health. Children tried to play with her a few times until Kodo and their parents reprimanded them. Mostly, it was her playing with her toys alone inside the house with an occasional neighbor child joining her, though not long enough to form a friendship or even an acquaintanceship, their faces and names leaving her memory as quickly as they'd appeared. Rarely, Kodo was able to take a break from his work to play with his daughter, which were awkward but pleasant times. For the most part, though, she was alone. The children ceased all attempts at befriending her, not inviting her even to simple games that required no physical effort. Chizuru liked having privacy and was used to being alone, a result of no friendships as well as Kodo often traveling for work. But to have no one else besides her father...she hadn't realized how odd that was until she left Edo.
It was a strange, good feeling to have friends despite the unpleasant circumstances that led to it. The Shinsengumi, Iba, and as of recently Sen and Kaoru. All of them were helping her find her father and comforted her in her moments of doubt. Yet Chizuru could not bring herself to reveal her healing abilities to them. She couldn't risk breaking her oath to Kodo or face their fear and rejection. Even if they didn't reject her, she would still be an inconvenience and she selfishly refused to take the risk. Just for a little longer, she wanted to pretend to be a normal human girl.
Kodo must have a good reason for making her lie, for creating the serum, for hiding the truth from her. He was trying to protect his precious daughter and she needed to keep being his good girl by protecting and finding him. Certainly he would be able to explain everything, it would turn out to be some very unfortunate misunderstanding and all would be well. She needed to maintain her patience and faith in her father, like the good smart little girl he always claimed she was. As Matsumoto suggested, the guilt of what he'd caused by making the serum must have played a part in him vanishing.
From her pocket she retrieved the protection amulet she'd given him before he left. Kazama had to be lying. For all she knew, he and his cohorts were responsible for Kodo's disappearance. He disapproved of Kodo "making humans into Demons" and could be holding him hostage to lure her into his trap. Kodo would never let the likes of Kazama harm her. He constantly talked about ensuring that she would have a perfect husband and...mate.
Mate. He put the slightest bit of extra emphasis on that word, on the topic of ensuring that she had the best possible man in order to conceive the perfect children. He really wanted grandchildren, though he'd never actually said those precise words.
Oh, why was she overthinking this? Any parent, especially a single one raising an only child, shouldn't have to directly spell out that they would do anything to give their children complete happiness, peace, and safety.
How terrible of her to doubt him, to think she didn't really know him. He was a good father, protector, doctor, and caretaker. That was all that mattered, all she needed to know.
She nodded to herself in self-confirmation, and picked up her journal and pen, clutching the book to her chest.
A week had passed by so quickly. Tonight, she would accompany Inoue, Yamazaki, and Heisuke to deliver supplies to the Fury Corp. Inoue wanted to give Sanan a nice surprise so he ordered them to keep up the facade of avoidance until they visited him.
Chizuru bit her lip. She hadn't seen Sanan since he comforted her and promised that Itou wouldn't trouble her again. That was four weeks ago. He kept his promise. Save for Itou and Miki trying to make eye contact with her when she, Yamazaki, and Inoue interrupted a meeting they were having with Hijikata and Kondou to confront the latter two about Sanan, there were no more incidents with Itou toward her. Yamazaki swore he would immediately let Sanan know if he suspected the brothers were trying anything else.
She looked around to make sure no one was nearby, then dug her nail into her thumb to make a tiny cut which she watched heal. Growing up, she would marvel in this manner at her powers, as amazed as she was anxious about them. Although she longed for a normal life, she couldn't be ashamed of her abilties. Kodo forbade her from ever thinking/saying the slightest negative thing about herself. If the world couldn't accept and love her in kind, that was their problem. She was not to blame being born different.
Her kind. Kodo obviously never mentioned Demons or anyone else that shared her powers, only said that people like her deserved better than the world's cruel judgement. Had that been a secret reference to Demons and/or Furies disguised as a hypothetical situation?
Chizuru hugged her journal tighter to her chest. This confusion and fear, was this what the Furies felt? She might have been born this way, yet she'd never understood it, and while she refused to hate her abilties, the current circumstances made her terrified of discovery and of what Kazama might do.
She ran her fingers over the journal, her sole constant source of comfort that she could spill all her secrets to sans hesitation. She would die before she gave it up, both to protect her secrets and from refusal to surrender her main outlet. Yet it wasn't a replacement for a real person to confide in, it never could be.
She realized now that this was why she was so devoted to trusting and helping Sanan in any little way she could, why she was willing to lend a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. No one should experience this loneliness. Though she couldn't tell the full truth, she could offer her empathy and thus be more useful.
Her father was the only one that completely understood, he was all she truly had and needed. Everyone else, no matter how much they cared, would not be able to cope with who and what she really was if they knew the truth. They would be jealous, fearful, angry, or a combination of all three. Because she wasn't normal, no matter how desperately she wished to be, and Kodo alone could properly handle that. Once she found him, things here would be cleared up and they would return home, back to the way things used to be and how they should be. It was for the best, for herself and for her new friends.
An idea clicked in her brain. She needed to be a good daughter by finding her father, and the political situation had gotten so chaotic that they couldn't devote more than a few investigations of rumors/leads that occasionally popped up. Kodo may have good reasons for keeping her in the dark, but as she'd worried earlier, he could be in trouble. She needed to gain a better understanding of how to help him, and to do that she had to learn more about him.
Sanan had told her about Kodo's inolvement with the Shinsengumi, though that was purely broad information. Sanan worked closely with Kodo in his experiments, taking over after Kodo went missing. Iba hadn't said anything else besides that he often visited the Yukimura clinic when they were children, though he had a decent amount of memory regarding Kodo that he didn't elaborate on. Both of them would love to share more about Kodo with her, as Sanan had greatly approved of her desire to learn more and Iba wished to help her remember their childhood friendship and she was genuinely sad about not remembering him.
She vigorously nodded, a smile brightening her face. Today, she would ask Sanan to tell her more and write to Iba to request his aid. She rushed into her room to start writing the letter for Iba.