The sun was still gone and Pearl rested on the backless chair before Steven, cradling his old pink backpack in her arms, softly singing a song without words. The blankets outside had been swept by night winds. Imperfections made and others laid bare. Where the snow thinned to dead grass and mud. Though these details were mostly incomprehensible in low light, and when Pearl tried to focus on things but it was static. Fuzzy noise, like when she closed her eyes. She looked in the bag.

Three pairs of pants and three shirts inside, deodorant and other amenities. All that Steven'd really need. A rubber tub lay beside the seat full of colorful thick pants and gloves. They'd get the stuff on before they even began walking and it wouldn't take space in their packs.

A buzz in her pocket. She checked it and saw a picture of an old tent leaning against the wall of the van. Greg had been sending her texts through the night. One every ten or twenty minutes, she'd remind him what they might need, the drip feed was dying off as weariness must have been settling in. She smiled he didn't even have to send them, but something about the feed made her comfortable.

She realized something while tiptoeing around the temple in the dark. They hadn't asked the young man snoring on the couch behind her if he had wanted to go. He had just been through something awful, she could see Steven wanting to clear his mind and maybe struggling through the cold wouldn't sound appealing, and she'd accept that, and… probably still want to go with Greg, but that was a selfish want. Time passed, but her thoughts stayed on the logistics of the trip.

Steven stirred in the dark. "How early is it?"

"6. You should go back to sleep."

Steven thought about the night before. It felt like a dream, but the cushions of the couch told him it hadn't been and the gentle, somber look he made out on Pearl's face did too. She was sorry for something she shouldn't be sorry for. "Thank you for helping me last night." Steven scooted to the edge of the couch and hung his legs groggily over.

"Always, Steven."

"Is there something wrong with my old backpack?" He looked at it in her arms.

She blushed. "No, I filled it with some changes of clothes for you."

"Huh? Why?"

"Me and Greg were up late talking, and we were wondering if you'd want to go hiking. We'd go somewhere upstate. We thought maybe you'd get some time to think."

"When would we go?" Steven rubbed his knees

"Tomorrow morning, we'd back right before Christmas."

"Do I need to pack?"

"I think me and Greg have that covered, your dad has been up all night."

"Can I say no?"

"Of course you can, Steven."

Steven sighed rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and let a long pause linger in the room. "Can we get a pizza on the way back?"

"I'm sure we could."

"Maybe hiking will be fun."

"I've enjoyed it before, but it can be a bit tough."

"What's the weather gonna be like?"

"Let me see…" Pearl checked on her phone. "Clear mostly."

"If it's just us three... then alright."

"We'll try and make it fun. We could pack some of those board games you like."

Steven smiled "Maybe…" He got up and plucked his ukelele off the upper platform he slept on. "Or we could play some music." He swept the strings a few times, beginning something. He started to think about words to go with the chords.

"Oh, we thought it was so simple."

"That life was so pristine."

"Now we know it can't always be a dream." Steven faltered on the ukulele, his mind flashed with images of that girl, and he put a hand over his face like he was bleeding from his head. "How about we go help my dad pack?"

"You still have one more day of school before break."

He removed his hand. "Do I have to go?"

"C'mon, one more day and we're free for a month."

Steven grumbled like he did when he was younger when he didn't get his way. "Alright." He grimaced a moment. "But she's going to be there."

"And you're going to survive."

Steven breathed out. "I will."

"If you really feel you need to come home. Don't be afraid to give me a call."

"Ok."

"How about we get you breakfast." The morning routine was breezy. Steven actually ate breakfast today and after Amethyst helped Pearl shovel which she complained at first about but didn't fight. Garnet was around and shared a cup of cocoa with Amethyst after they shoveled. Steven had his new backpack on, and stood in the threshold looking back at Pearl. "Can we watch that movie later?"

"Yes, I think so."

Pearl sat on the couch after he left. Thinking of what to do with her day. She had already picked up groceries, done Steven's laundry, and saw that the garbage bin had been put in the right place to be emptied. Without these things what was her day. She sighed. A buzz. A picture of an old snow shovel. "We have better ones here at the temple."

"Ok good."

Greg sent packing photos till about 1, each on keeping her mind occupied until he finally sent a simple "Done."

"Tired now?"

"Yeah haha but I'm going to try not to sleep till tonight."

"Up for a movie later?"

"I'll just pass out."

"Come anyway."

The three dots danced for a while. "Ok."

The gem dug deep for things to do for the day, settling on visiting friends around town, helping keep Greg awake for an hour, but she returned to the temple before the sun fell. Steven was back and napping. Pearl whispered to the other crystal gems the three's plans for the coming days. Garnet was encouraging, Amethyst was happy she wouldn't have to go out in the cold with them, but sad her Steman wouldn't get to party with her his first few nights of winter break.

Pearl woke Steven, and after a tired Greg arrived, Amethyst got out the soda Pearl bought the day before, and Garnet popped the popcorn. And they all sat on the couch and watched the movie together. Garnet sat next to Steven with her feet kicked up and on the other side of the teen a bleary eyed Greg fought to stay awake next to him Pearl sinking into the couch some herself. Amethyst sat below on the carpet with all the snacks that were meant for the group.

Garnet soundlessly laughing to herself at jokes before they were even on screen, and the reactions Steven and Amethyst would have to the movie. Pearl couldn't summon the spirit to pay attention to it but loved being there with the rest. Greg ruffled his son's head and tried to glue his eyes to screen to keep from sleep. Amethyst chugged the soda and cheered with Steven when action picked up.

The movie became tender towards the end. People were falling apart, some falling in place, but all changing. It was something Steven picked out, but it didn't have the goofy flare most of what he wanted to watch before. It really wasn't a kid's movie, and Steven wasn't a kid anymore.

In a year he'd be going to college. That hit Pearl while she was watching the movie. He'd be out of the temple, and how much more empty would she feel? Nothing to do with her day, chores hurt but they killed time she didn't know how to spend otherwise. Where was her Steven going? Pearl's eyes were glassy as she watched the colors move on the screen. Going from one to the other.

Greg caught her holding back her tears. He thought maybe it what was happening on screen. Amethyst was also sniffling, but something was different about Pearl's eyes. Greg reached for her hand and took it without thinking, her form was cool to the touch but not cold. Pearl felt the warmth of his hand and it broke her thoughts. She looked him in the eye, like searching for his emotion. This loving look in his eye, told her that Greg cared, even if he didn't understand what was happening in her mind.

And she knew she was here now, with her family, together on this couch. There were people who wanted to be there even if they had their quibbles, even if time marched on and might break them apart. They were here now. Greg ran his thumb gently over the top of her pale hand. "You alright?"

"No, but…" She smiled at him and looked over at everyone, his eyes followed. "I'm happy we're here. You're here." Greg returned her expression. The movie was almost over and Greg left his hand with Pearl, and without thinking, she nuzzled into his side. Greg got nervous and made sure the rest of them hadn't seen. He felt guilty on the couch.

The screen went black and names rolled down the screen. "Oh, jeez that was good." Amethyst rubbed stray tears out of her eyes.

"Not bad." Garnet put her hand under her chin.

Steven was still holding onto some tears but a smile prevailed. "Glad we watched that."

"Glad you liked it, kiddo."

"What'd you think of it Pearl?"

"Well, the sword fights looked good."

Amethyst looked at Pearl intensely like she had just transgressed the art of filmmaking. "But what about the drama?"

Pearl scratched the back of her head and gave a grin. "I'm sorry I wasn't really paying attention."

Steven wiped the tears away. "It's alright. We enjoyed the movie, Amethyst."

Pearl faked a yawn hoping to spread it to Steven. "What time is it?"

Amethyst looked at her phone. "10."

Garnet stood up. "I think a certain trio needs some rest before the journey tomorrow."

"I'm gonna pass out." Greg had his eyes closed. He felt like he needed to talk to Pearl about something but he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

"I'm tired too." Steven stood and looked up at his roll.

Greg rubbed the soft couch cushions. "Mind if I crash the night? We can head out in the morning, I got the van with everything in it in the parking lot."

Amethyst laughed. "No one's going to complain."

"I won't." Garnet gave Steven's head a pat and strolled over to the light pad, spoke without turning around. "I got business to take care of."

Pearl quirked her brow at Garnet but turned to Greg who was desperate to be horizontal. "Help me make some breakfast tomorrow. So get some rest."

"Sure." He finally had confirmation he could sleep and he yawned, put his feet up and went onto his side. "Hmm… we'll cook bacon." Greg grumbled with his eyes closed. "That'll be goodddd…."

Steven looked at his roll once more and then to Pearl. "I think I'll be following in my father's footsteps."

"But you'll be brushing your teeth before you do."

Steven laughed, she remembered to make him. He turned and lumbered into the bathroom.

The water went on in the bathroom and Pearl scanned the mess in the living room in front of Greg's sleeping form. Eyes finding his long brown mane falling over his shoulder illuminated by the brightness of the bathroom light, she shook her head and went back to her task. One of 2-liters was empty on the coffee table, another half-full underneath the coffee table. She knelt and plucked them up and was lucky enough to see that both their caps were still on. Putting the empty in the recycling bin, the half-full in the fridge. She went back and checked for the popcorn bags but there were none. Amethyst had eaten them, hadn't she?

The water from the bathroom faucet came to a stop, with a low squeak. Pearl turned, Steven put his toothbrush back in the holder. He was still in his jeans and wasn't going to bother to get on pajamas. Not anymore. Pain from the couch welled up.

Steven stepped out from the harsh light of the bathroom and into shadowy obscurity of the temple's main room. "Night, Pearl." He flicked a switch and it was all darkness in the temple and outside. Steven settled into sleep quietly, after a hug from Pearl.

And Pearl made one last check as best as she could in the black. One thing was off and it took her a minute or two to realize. She stood near the couch and looked at the man laying on it. He hadn't bothered for a blanket. She took the one draped over the end of the couch and gently set on him. Settling on the backless seat in front of him. Watching him as he softly snored. His gentle sleeping face. Not as fun as his waking one but serene.

The van glided down the Delmarva highway in the early morning. Pearl was sitting in the passenger's side watching as snow-laden trees beside the road flew past her window. Hugging her legs to her chest. Bumps on the ride made gear in the back make little jumps. Steven was In the back of the van sitting against the metal wall with some blankets, asleep.

A song played softly from the radio and Greg rolled his head gently from side to side with it. They'd been on the road for a little over five hours. The journey began with them sharing lively conversations until Greg was the one who spoke mostly till now silence. Besides the car humming over the road. The traffic mirrored their conversation from busy slowly falling to nothing the further they went into the nowhere of Delmarva. The unrestrained sun sending beams streamed through the windshield.

Snow-capped tops of mountains rose on each side of the road as they drove. Looming over the van, at times it felt like were driving into the great black and white masses. Pearl hadn't seen the sights in a long while and enjoying the view, she was quiet with a small amused smile. She thought of something. "Humans spend so much of their time journeying places, and their lives are so limited."

"Yeah, that's true but well... how else would you get anywhere?" Greg chuckled.

"I guess you do have to spend time no matter what." Pearl relaxed back in her seat. A human's timer was always ticking down, it made her panic a moment but she settled in her mind. "I'm happy to be spending it with you and Steven." She placed her hand on his shoulder.

He reached with one arm and put his hand over hers. "I feel the same way…" Greg glanced in the rearview. "But I think it might be just us right now."

"What's the place we're gonna be hiking?"

"Oh, it's a national park. They have a few cabins along the trails to stay in. I talked to a ranger, told him we'd be out there today and tomorrow. Honestly, I've never been to the place, but I read like a dozen reviews saying how beautiful it was in the winter. Weather still looks alright while we'll be doing most of our hiking, but the morning we want to head back it's looking sketchy."

Pearl looked nervously at Greg. "Hey, don't worry. We have enough supplies for a day or two extra if we need it. No need to be spooked." Greg gave her a warm smile. "I got some experience in the snow."

"I had to crawl through plenty of it during the war. That was miserable."

"Sounds it. You know Rose never talked about the war."

"Yeah, she didn't. I wished she would've."

Greg looked over at Pearl, but she was lost in the road ahead. The dark tar. "You know you can talk about that stuff with others, Pearl?"

"Maybe later." She smiled. "I'm alright."

"Ok." Greg saw a sign for their turn off. "How about we wake shtuball up."

Pearl sat sideways in the seat, looking back at a sleeping Steven. "Honey?"

Steven's eyes fluttered to something like wakefulness. "Are we there?"

"Almost." Greg looked in the mirror at a stirring Steven. "Shouldn't be more than ten minutes, kiddo."

"Ok." Steven rubbed his sore neck, the position had been unkind to him.

Zip, zip, zip. In the parking lot, they stood around looking at each other, wearing all their snow gear. Dark blue heavy synthetic pants on Pearl, same but black ones on Steven, and grey on Greg. It was 3 P.M and the sky was already a deep blue. "We need to get a move on. It'll be dark soon." Greg picked up his pack, and Steven helped get it strapped on. Pearl threaded her own arms through her pack's straps. Greg and Pearl both finished up Steven's pack. They were long pill-shaped bags that synched up and had hoods over their tops that buckled. They were heavy and old. "How long is the walk to camp?"

Greg wiggled from side to side getting used to the new weight on his back. "Maybe three, four hours. It'll be tough but we'll get an earlier tomorrow, should be a more leisurely time."

"You always hope." Pearl pulled up her hood. "Does the pack feel alright on your back, Steven?"

Steven's pack went above his head, but he was solid on his feet. Their snow shovel was tied to it. "Yeah, I think it's fine."

Greg held his son's shoulders. "Kiddo, if it ever feels bad make sure to let us know, it's better to get things adjusted before anyone takes a tumble." Steven was trying to avoid Greg's eyes. He was already cold, and all he had to think about was her. "Hey, we'll be there before you know it. I got some surprises for you in one of the packs." He wanted those words to work, and a younger Steven would've perked up at a surprise, but this young man in front of him remained wounded.

Pearl watched with melancholy as Greg tried to assure his son. The darkened sky above was making no efforts to help nor the lamps above the asphalt of the parking lot. The bronzy sodium vapor bulbs dyeing their preparations the same color, an unnatural bronze. Steven remembered once sitting in the passenger's seat of the van, watching his father disappear into a store for a drink or something. That day under the light of that bulb he believed he'd never reemerged, and Steven couldn't say why.

Pearl looked at the inky horizon, there was light lingering at its bottom, the whole view unobscured over gentle sloping fields of snow. The tops glassy and reflecting orange, the light of the dying sun. The tops broken by feet and snowmobiles that came before them, shattered cold plates making even smaller slopes. Steven didn't even realize when they started walking but they had. His heavy boots cracking more and more tops, plunging below the ice sheets. It was cold underneath. Steven could feel the weight on his back already, not pain but it pressed on his shoulders.

Pearl was the head of the hike. She made confident steps and seemed hardly bothered by the pack on her back. Greg behind her, his steps were sure but sometimes his toe would slip on the glassy sheet, and he'd make a worried noise. Pearl would look back and make sure he was alright, maybe turning around and making sure the pack was adjusted right after he told her it was fine. Steven never slipped but it hurt. The sun was getting near gone, and Steven took every moment he could to watch it be swallowed by the ice.

Steven couldn't rid himself of her face. The two hazel eyes nestled below her blonde brow, the cute jeez oh gosh smile beneath her nose. He dreamed of fighting beside her, but that was a strange dream. He also imagined that she'd never want to fight hundreds of miles away in space. Realistically he imagined her caring for a dog and having to their masters they only had so many days left in this world. The cold seeped into the boots and past his socks into his feet.

Greg looked back at his son, the kid was caught on the dying horizon, wearing a hollow expression. Where were the words to fix someone's heart? He looked ahead at Pearl. She was putting her boots in the snow easily, and when she glanced back her face wasn't hollow just tired. Greg was going over what he could say to her when they talked. Whether or not what could happen would be healthy. He gulped, his face was warm despite the new night winds touching his face.

Pearl marched, asking for directions every once in a while. The trail was unclear in the snow but Greg had his phone which had a map of the park. Eventually, Pearl just took it from him and guided the three. Her thoughts were gathering and then falling apart with every time she had to put effort in. Something about love collating around Steven and Greg, frustration and Amethyst and Garnet. She knew something had to be shared with Steven's father, maybe words.

The night wind was gentle, still cold when it hit them in the face. Pearl looked at the glowing screen, it had been only an hour and she could see a full moon in the sky. The phone's battery was also half dead. She surveyed the gently sloped sheets all pointed to the river that cut through the center of the horizon in front of them, trees rising out of the snow there. It was frustrating taking off her gloves to flick the little screen, and Greg had the text double the size it would normally be on her phone. Flicking forward and following the river she saw that the campsite hugged the waterway. She passed it back. "Turn it off, Greg, I can get us there."

His voice was muffled by the thick collar of his red and black winter coat and carried by the wind. "Oh, ok." He held down a button and the screen went black before he zipped it away in his jacket pocket.

The gentle slopes gave little resistance, but Pearl heard Steven misstep once or twice. Greg asked if he was alright and of course he said he was. They were nearing the length of icey spruces that made up a forest and a wall that only broke where the river breached. Top thicker than the sheets they plunged their boots through, a pure glassy with blackness underneath. A pair of cracks. Pearl looked back where the sound came from.

Steven fell onto his knees. His two black caps cracked through the sheet but he hadn't leaned forward onto his hands, trying to keep his back straight. "Shtuball?" Greg looked at him, any reaction tempered by experience hiking, he wasn't afraid, he knew Steven could do it. Steven was breathing heavy, puffs of breath in the air. A drop of sweat rolled down his forehead.

"You alright?"

"It's just a bit heavy." All his hot breath going into his face as it hit and bounced back off his collar making him sweat. It felt odd to be worrying about the heat in the dead of winter.

Greg took his son's hand and helped him get on his feet. "We can stop for a break in a while. That sound like a plan?" Steven nodded, still breathing pretty heavy.

Pearl noticed the group's shovel strapped to his pack, Pearl fiddled with a knot securing it. "I'll take that." The shovel fell and its handled broke into the snow. She hoisted it up and Greg helped secure it to her pack. The extra shovel was a hardly noticeable extra weight for her.

Pearl pointed at his pack. "Take a drink."

Steven blindly gripped behind him, finding a plastic bottle, and brought it around front to drink from. Each cold mouthful a new shock to he could feel through his whole body, but it felt almost... good, so he rose to put away the water. "Let's just keep moving."

"Alrighty."

They met the break in the dark and white wall where water would flow freely this spring. The slight winds rustled ice on the boughs and spruce branches drooped above their heads, some with hanging icicles.

Greg let his eyes wander the wood. Looking for hints of movement, a slight disturbance of a branch, some creatures to see. Pearl studied the frigid top of the river, her eyes finding a twig frozen in the milky black, draped in white frost and pointing to the sky. Steven glues his eyes to his feet as he pressed them in front of him. A few feet at a time pushing forward, he didn't really think about much, especially not the landscape. Were they staying in a cabin tonight or was that tomorrow? He hoped it was tonight and laughed nervously.

Greg rolled his shoulders a moment, shaking his gloved hands. "What is it, shtuball?"

At this cold moment, he'd rather be ignorant to possible bad news than know if it's good. "Nothing."

Pearl looked at her own phone, no signal on it but she still had the time. "If you were right Greg, two hours and we should be there. Steven, you will be wanting to get the wood out of your pack when we get there." That'd be efficient.

Greg cooed. "Ooohh, warmth, I could go for that." He thought about the words that just left his mouth and chuckled off the corniness.

Pearl's face quirked to a strange smile for a moment but went back a neutral line. Steven adjusted his shoulders pads. "This bag is so annoying and heavy."

"Yeah, it is annoying... but you get used to it after a while…" She thought of all the suffering she had walking forward before. "It'll be lighter traveling tomorrow after you two eat dinner, breakfast and burn up wood."

Greg thought out aloud. "Oh, what are we gonna eat?"

"Dad... we don't actually know what you packed."

Greg rubbed his temple, he was still a bit tired from forcing himself to stay awake yesterday. "Oh, yeah right, I packed some bread, beans, rice, extra spices. I got some ham and cheese we should eat tonight before it gets a shot at spoiling."

"I wish I could just eat some right now."

Pearl chimed. "If you're really hungry, Steven, let me know. I brought some little snack bars I thought you'd like."

"I think my stomach is angry with me." Pearl dug for a bar in a jacket pocket and passed it back to Greg who passed it back to Steven. Steven tore the package and chunked into the peanut butter energy bar viciously and had to chew the thing apart for a few minutes.

As they walked along the river it became more narrow and so did the flat snowy side they walked on, and soon they'd have to walk on top of the river or find some path beyond the spruces. The trees weren't thick and with a glance, Greg noticed a few paths with little signs on wooden posts. "Huh..." There were three.

Pearl took out Greg's phone from his pocket. A path was just next to them which traced the riverside but behind the tree line. "Just up here." Pearl pushed aside some branches as she walked towards the path. They followed Pearl and the following became mindless. The path was smoothed by snowmobiles. Slippery in parts but that was rare, but now it was dark under trees blocking the moon, and eventually the three stopped almost in unison at a sound. Bushes that had turned a dead drab yellow during the winter rustled. "Shhhh…"

A doe hopped to a stop and turned her head to the three staring through trees. Big flat black ears above her slender tan head and downward-pointing muzzle. All were frozen watching. Pearl studied it till the doe hopped away. Greg commented. "That was neat."

Pearl watched as its deft hops and threading through frozen bushes made barely a shake or crack. "They are a graceful animal."

"I got a picture." Steven looked down at his phone and sighed preemptively like he knew the result before he even looked at it. "But the darkness ruined it. That's lame"

"I'm sure we'll see a whole pack tomorrow. They rule upstate."

Steven rolled his aching shoulders, arched his back for the brief feeling of the weight being lifted from his back. "How long now?"

"Eh, probably an hour."

"Let's just go." Steven began walking before the rest collected themselves. He was fighting the pain stabbing his shoulders with every violent step he forced forward.

Greg followed after. "Hey, wait up, kiddo."

The trail merged back with the river eventually and they had space to walk on the side. Snowmobiles hadn't touched this stretch, Steven saw it first and laughed. Greg leaned from behind him and saw it, and cheered, Pearl saw it and exhaled. A flat-roofed wood cabin nestled beside the river on a flat plain.

The walk to the entrance felt like nothing compared to the rest of the hike. And as they peeled off the backpacks it hardly felt like it had happened at all. As far as Steven knew, he saw the cabin and then he was inside peeling the backpack off his burning shoulders and falling onto his frozen ass. He only heard his breathing, and his eyes were yanked shut. Focusing on the dancing colors and darkness behind them. They were words being spoken but Steven was lost to them.

Pearl sighed walked around the unresponsive Steven and unbuckled the cap on his pack and uncinched its mouth, shimmying out a thick paper sack of firewood. "We need to get a fire going."

Greg nodded at her. "Yeah. Give me a minute." He sat down and rubbed his knees, letting the backpack fall off his shoulders. "I just need to..." Greg grabbed for the strings of his boot and undid the knot, peeling it off. Revealing a bulky grey wool sock underneath He did the same thing to the other. "There." Greg got up and walked over to the stove. The dark thing with a pipe snaking up around a wooden support and worming into the ceiling.

Steven emerged from his trance and found Greg and Pearl readying a fire. Pearl pressed in some wood and Greg peppered the top of the little logs with torn-up scraps of this morning's newspaper.

Greg had a flashlight in his mouth illuminating the woodstove. It was a cruel bluish beam that was the only light in the room. Steven watched as Pearl flicked a match off the side a box Greg was holding, then looked at something their blue beam was touching.

A rough wooden frame for mattresses the three didn't have. Pearl glanced at the frame too. "You can take a nap if you'd like. We should have this."

Steven nodded mindlessly and turned around to his pack digging around and sneaking out his sleeping bag. He hugged the outer layer like an old friend, turned it upside down and slacked the drawstring to release the actual sleep sack, then undid the one that kept the mouth of the actual bag shut. Steven realized after undoing the third drawstring in under two minutes that he had undone three drawstrings in the past two minutes, and that just made him even more exhausted than he was. Steven climbed and nestled into the bag and let the silence settle into his head.

Big chapter, maybe too big, probably needs some more edits. Four or five days til the next chapter.