Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.

"Just remember that even the purest of souls have darkness in them. It might be hard to spot. Perhaps they've perfected the art of covering it from the world. Or maybe it's hidden in a dark corner of their mind. But it's there. No one in this world is scar free."
― Calia Read

"No!"

A gag muffled her words. Ropes bound her limbs to a table. She struggled in vain to escape and pleaded for mercy.

"Please, no!"

Footsteps were approaching, a figure she could not make out in the shadows held an object in their hands. Moonlight shone through the window, and she saw light flash on the object, revealing it to be a needle. Her eyes widened, her struggles and protests intensified.

A firm grip on her hair kept her head down and still. She could only watch and weep as the syringe came closer.

The needle was shoved into her neck, and she cried out at the top of her lungs, but no one other than her tormentor heard her...

A cry burst from her lips as she shot into sitting position. The suddenness and forcefulness of her awakening startled the two men who'd been about to call out to her from behind the shoji, and the door was quickly slid open. Inoue and Yamazaki widened their eyes at the sight of her shaking, sweaty form, and rushed toward her.

Yamazaki placed the tray he had been carrying onto the floor and Inoue gently patted her head while the former poured a cup of tea and handed it to her. Although her hands were trembling, she was able to bring the cup to her lips. The warm drink along with the presence of two friends soothed her alarm from the dream, and by the time she finished drinking she was awake and beginning to relax.

Smiling, she returned the cup to Yamazaki."I'm alright now, thank you." She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them."Just a nightmare."

Yamazaki and Inoue exchanged a glance, the former taking a moment to study her before nodding. They had probably half-worried that she was hurt due to the volume of her cry. Inoue gave her one last pat on the head and they all settled down.

Last night she had cleaned up Katamitsu's room and listened to Sanan's explanation of a new potentially sane Fury that had asked for Katamitsu. Herself, Yamazaki, and Inoue were planning to visit tonight for an update, which should go well since Katamitsu was supposed to meet this Fury that asked for him.

As promised, she had taken a day off and slept through most of the morning. Yamazaki and Inoue, tired from their assignments last night, seemed to also only be recently awake. They must have heard that she took a sick day and gone to check on her.

She gave them a concise description of the previous night's events. Their reactions surprised her a bit; Inoue didn't seem to have a solid opinion on the matter whereas Yamazaki listened with an intense curiosity in his expression that she had never seen before. The ninja perked up every time the Furies were mentioned, something she was not certain what to make of. She liked to think she had come to know him well enough tell the difference between his dutiful curiosity and his personal interest, as well as when the two coincided. She decided not to ponder it too much, as regardless of reasons, he was helping the Furies and it was good to have someone that very much wanted to help as much as someone that did so for duty's sake. She would be lying if she denied being an example of that herself.

Yamazaki nodded once she was done explaining."Hopefully, Colonel Sanan will succeed in getting the Fury to cooperate. Having Kimura-san should prove invaluable. He was popular among our forces, including many of those that ended up drinking the serum." He paused before tentatively adding,"With luck, Kimura-san's resentment will not come back to bite us too hard."

Inoue sighed."I do not think it is us specifically his resentment is focused on. Or rather, it may be more focused on others."

"Chief Kondou and Commander Hijikata had best start trying to atone," Yamazaki agreed with a nod."Colonel Sanan can only control the Furies, even with our help, for so long. His own struggles as a Fury are difficult enough to handle."

Chizuru bit her lip. They said precisely what she had been thinking. Katamitsu may be angry at the organization, but it was the leaders who deserved the chunk of his anger. He had been kind to her, but one good thing did not undo the whole bad area.

Hijikata and Kondou were uncharacteristically quiet since Inoue yelled at them, perhaps they were taking time to let his words sink in. She thought about talking to them herself; after all, a calm lecture was often as necessary as a loud one, a lesson she learned from the Shinsengumi leaders themselves, particularly Sanan.

"Everything will be alright," she said quietly. It had to be...

Both men lowered their gazes, sharing her conflicted, cautious thoughts.

They settled into silence, not in the mood discuss these dangerous topics for now, and quietly enjoyed their tea and snacks.

Chizuru's thoughts floated to her dream. She had not dreamt much in her life, and barely recalled images of the few times she did, yet this dream was so vivid that she feared forgetting it as much as she did recalling it. She still felt the ropes digging into her flesh, the gag so tightly bound around her face that she could have swallowed it, the fingers holding her hair to keep her head down, the needle being buried into her skin...

Unconsciously she touched the spot where the imaginary needle penetrated her skin. She wanted to scratch her neck, but years of conditioning to avoid injuring oneself, at least in public, reminded her to wait until she was alone. No one could know her secret...

There were few times when she felt that scared in her lifetime. The first was when she was chased by ronin and then Furies, the second was when Sanan became a Fury and attacked her. Strangely, this nightmare was the worst moment of all.

The darkness was suffocating, blinding her to everything except the needle. She could not make out the figure, its shadow was barely viewable, yet that did not prevent it from filling her with terror. This stranger, this faceless monster, was more baffling and sadistic than the monsters she had come to know in the last two years. One thing she could not deny was that it somehow seemed familiar, as if she should know this person. Her mind refused to ponder this further, however, for the mere thought of whoever it was made her feel like a chain had ensnared her neck, choking her into silence, as if whatever was in the imaginary syringe threatened to affect her even when she was awake and not actually injected with anything. She suppressed it to the back of her thoughts, refocusing on the present.

Maybe she should indeed talk to Hijikata and Kondou. If they trusted her enough to assign her to train Souma and Nomura (she was still in shock that they had not told Sanan about that), then they could trust her enough to listen to what she had to say regarding the Furies. And really, the reason she was staying with the Shinsengumi was to help them find her father, so she should not even need to convince anyone to let take over this investigation! All these perfectly good resources and willing helpers with little else to do and they were not even thinking of utilizing them when they needed them most! How ridiculous!

She wondered what Kodo would think of her now. He never let her do much, simple tasks or basic Dutch language books, just enough to keep her busy but still yearning to do more. During his frequent travels that left her home alone, she would secretly read as many science and anatomy books as possible. The wording was complex, the vocabulary was odd, sometimes it was in other languages (including Dutch), but she learned enough to be a better helper. Kodo seemed unnerved by her higher self-education, but so long as she kept to herself and remembered to closely guard her secret he allowed it; he also likely did not think her reading would result in anything too significant, and neither did she, because she merely wanted to assist him to the best of her ability without bothering him.

She was certain Kodo had his reasons, albeit overprotective ones, for being so strict, perhaps similar ones as to why he made her hide her healing powers...but she loved her medical duties here. She enjoyed assisting Yamazaki and Matsumoto in taking care of the wounded and sick, enjoyed it when the former asked for her assistance if the latter was not available, enjoyed all the unlikely friends she made here, she did not want to go, so she vowed to enjoy this for as long as possible before Kodo was found and the situation was resolved and she would have to leave with him for good.

Later today, she would speak with Hijikata and Kondou, then she would reach out to Sen and Kaoru to actually begin accepting their offers of help. She would await Iba's arrival so she could use his and Sanan's knowledge of her father as well as her own to find him.

She would do what was right, she would make Kodo proud, everything would be worth it. It was her duty, as her father's daughter, as his good smart little girl...

"Tell me something, Kodo-san," Sanan muttered whilst studying the vial he held close to his bespectacled eyes."What prompted you to create this...medicine?"

Kodo paused, his pen hovering above the page of the notebook he had been writing in. He went still, taking a moment to contemplate the question before resuming his writing and casually saying,"I suppose I should have expected you of all the men here to ask that." He glanced at Sanan with a bored expression."What was your name again? Sanan-kun?" He spoke in a polite, roundabout manner that reminded Sanan very much of himself. For a second, he almost pitied his friends for having to deal with that type of attitude from him.

"It is merely logical to ask," Sanan said, swirling the liquid in the vial.

"You do not need to know anything personal about me to perform these experiments," Kodo said matter-of-factly. He was clearly unnused to being questioned, especially by someone like Sanan.

"Your motives are as much personal are they are professional, and thus worth inquiring about," Sanan replied. As he sat down into seiza position, he placed the vial next to Kodo's notebook."It is also wise to know who precisely we are working with."

Kodo side-eyed him."You hardly have a choice in the matter." The ghost of a smile touched his lips."Shogunate orders, in both of our cases, but far more crucial in your group's situation."

Sanan deliberately gave the most obviously fake smile he could muster."All the more reason to get to know our new doctor."

Kodo stilled again, giving Sanan another side-eyed look that caused Sanan's fake smile to grow. After a minute, he sighed and put his pen down. His voice was cold and irritated as he spoke."I am a doctor. It is my job to help the weak, sick, and wounded, even if I do not always want some of my patients to live or be well. What other reason do I need to create a medicine that can heal all injuries and possibly illnesses, that can perhaps even grant immortality? It makes my duties easier. And although many may rebuke me for playing god, how is any other doctor any different? Is delaying the supposed inevitable really any better than preventing it?"

"Very idealistic of you," Sanan murmured.

Kodo laughed."I am not a naive child. Nothing worth gaining is easy. You and your friends should know that by now."

Sanan inclined his head."Perhaps some of them are slow learners, but they do learn." And in any case, Sanan would permit no one other than himself to so harshly criticize his comrades.

Kodo raised an eyebrow."Well, you seem to have a better intellectual grasp than the rest of them. Pray that they finish learning before it is too late. Hijikata-kun and Kondou-kun in particular could use a few extra lessons. I suppose they are lucky to have you." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully."Although I wonder, why are you here?" He studied Sanan like he was a complicated painting."You don't seem to have much self-interest like Kondou-kun, or the desire to fuel someone else's dreams like Hijikata-kun. So why pledge your life to these men? Why put your life and honor on the line and force yourself to endure the dangerous antics of men like Serizawa-san and Nimi-san?"

Sanan sneered."You think most of us are just here for political, selfish reasons?" He brought his hands into his sleeves."Myself, and Nagakura-kun and Harada-kun and Toudou-kun are not here out of fancy ambition. We are here because we respect, trust, and support everyone within our group. Every single one of us knows what is like to be alone and rejected and confused, and we have all helped each other regain and maintain our senses of purpose and happiness. We are...family, in ways stronger than mere blood relatives. We wish to be true warriors, to fight alongside one another, and if these games of politics and death are necessary to achieve that, then so be it." Sanan paused before chuckling and adding,"After all, as you just said, nothing worth gaining is easy, and I assure you are we all well aware of that, and we will only continue to learn."

"And what if you lose this 'family' that you so heavily depend on for joy and purpose?" Sanan had no response to that, and Kodo snorted before going on,"What if all that you love burns to the ground, or is destroyed by those who should have helped you? What then?" He slowly, acidly uttered the last question.

Sanan clenched his jaw and swallowed thickly."We survive, and we strive to make something greater and stronger."

Kodo lowered his gaze, and Sanan realized the doctor was speaking from experience, from his own pains of loss and fierce, desperate ambition.

"I hope then, that you are as strong as you seem," Kodo eventually whispered, inclining his head."It will be interesting to see how you progress."

Sanan also inclined his head."I too hope then, that you will get to see our rise, and possibly assist in it."

Kodo smiled."Well, that is part of the reason why I'm here." He gestured to the vial."Now tell me something: can you ever see yourself drinking the serum?"

"Can you see yourself doing that?" Sanan answered the doctor's question with a question. Surprisingly, Kodo was unbothered by this tactic and chuckled before giving his reply.

"With the right time and adjustments, I truly hope so." At Sanan's slightly surprised expression, he said,"Is that really a surprise? Why should I not enjoy the fruits of my own labor? And once it has been perfected, would it not make sense for me to drink it? So I can remain alive and help spread this to as many people as possible?"

"Well, perfection will not be reached for a long time," Sanan stated. He did not need to explain why, for Kodo should understand that better than anyone else. The madness, the bloodlust, and those were simply the immediate issues that needed to be resolved.

"I have gotten this far, and so have you," Kodo said."And besides, isn't it more satisfying to take one's time, to put careful effort and consideration into each step, before the ultimate sucess?"

"It is also basic common sense," Sanan replied.

Kodo hummed briefly in agreement. Then he motioned toward Sanan."You never did answer my question: would you drink it?"

Sanan did not hesitate."Only if I must, and only after the necessary careful consideration and effort into making it all right. Is that a sufficient answer for you?"

Nodding curtly, Kodo picked up his pen to restart writing."I think I am starting to enjoy the idea of working with you, Sanan-kun," he remarked with a faint smile.

Sanan suddenly lost interest in their discussion, so he said nothing else to Kodo for the remainder of the night.

Much as both men were reluctant to admit it, they developed a grudging respect for one another after that conversation.

Sanan sighed as he closed his journal. He had been absentmindedly flipping through the pages of memories when he remembered the conversation with Kodo. Not that this was a bad thing, since he was preparing himself as much as possible to officially renew the investigation to find the man. And that memory had always been one of the clearest ones whenever he pondered Kodo's motives.

Many questions lingered in his mind, and he was eager to get answers. Hopefully, he, Chizuru, and Iba would suceed in acquiring them. Iba had seemed surprised during his last visit when he learned that Kodo created the medicine and Chizuru believed Iba to be an acquaintance who was simply kinder to her than most of the other children she occasionally played with, yet Iba claimed they were closer than that. How could someone be close to Chizuru without knowing much of her father? Perhaps Kodo was as adept at hiding his experiments from Iba as he was at hiding Chizuru's existence from the Shinsengumi?

Kodo never mentioned family, just hinted that he understood loss and pain, and Chizuru never mentioned her mother. Had the woman died due to the same illness Chizuru suffered from during her childhood? Had Kodo created the medicine for his daughter as well as for his patients? It was an intriguing idea, but Chizuru was obviously not a Fury, having had zero knowledge of the experiments until Sanan told her. It seemed that everyone who knew Kodo was kept in the dark about something regarding the man.

Sanan never believed that Kodo could have died in the fire that destroyed his Kyoto clinic, and neither did his comrades. Kazama claimed Kodo was on the enemy side, and Sanan was tempted to believe that, even though it angered him and hurt Chizuru. Even so, the remnants of the fire and clues about Kodo's disappearance were suspicious enough to make Sanan hesitate every time he tried to reach a conclusion. Until the investigation was restarted, this myriad of confusion was all he could use for his ruminations. The sooner their work began, the better.

For now, he would focus on Katamitsu and the other Fury that showed intelligence. Katamitsu was still unconscious, for longer than last time, but his breathing and heartbeat were normal, so Sanan was not too worried. Regardless of when Katamitsu woke up, Sanan would let him know about his comrade that refused to cooperate until he saw Katamitsu, and he hoped this lead would end up being a good one. But in any case, what he had now was more than he had dared hope for only a few months ago.

Sanan had survived and accomplished this much, and he had no intention of ever giving up on striving for more.