Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.
"Somewhere between love and hate lies confusion, misunderstanding and desperate hope."
— Shannon L. Alder
With a sigh, Sanan dropped his pen and closed his notebook. He removed his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose.
He had been up for two nights since Iba's arrival, unable to sleep over the revelations. He had suspected this would happen; that did not mean he was unbothered. Imagining something and experiencing it were far from alike.
Over the years, he mastered the art of controlling his emotions. Unfortunately, the day he injured his arm tainted that ability; becoming a Fury further damaged that. Even when he was at his calmest, it was a struggle to control the feelings, the negative kind at the center of his brain.
Bitterness surrounded every syllable that left his mouth whenever he spoke. His posture was stiff. His body felt cold all over. He hated himself for it.
Sanan rested his elbows on his desk and held his head in his hands, now beginning to rub his temples.
He was exhausted, in every sense of the word. And angry, though the target of his anger he was unsure of.
Sanan was eased from his thoughts by a pair of hands gripping his shoulders and moving along his upper back in the form of a light massage. He hummed in acknowledgement and appreciation of the consolation.
"Thank you, my dear," Sanan said softly, leaning into her touch. Chizuru shifted closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind and resting her forehead on his left shoulder. He brought his left hand to stroke hers. This prompted her to tighten her grip and move closer.
She was sitting with him, serving tea and reading along with his research notes. It was a nice, quiet couple of hours. They were hoping to find a detail missed during previous instances, to no avail. Even so, having time to themselves from others was refreshing.
Her holding his hands and his kisses to her forehead became a norm. She still blushed at the latter, to his enjoyment.
"I'm worried," she confessed, voice muffled."Iba-san's assignment connects with our investigation, but will it really help us? If he had come because I asked him to rather than orders pressuring him beforehand..." She trailed off with a sigh.
He gently rubbed his thumb along her dorsum."What's done is done."
"I know," she said, shaking her head in an awkward way due to her position."I just wish, for once, it was because I made a choice, not as an extra detail or even a," she paused before vexingly and reluctantly finishing,"puppet," in a murmur, wishing she could not hear her voice, inner or outer.
"We all do," he said with a humorless snort whilst replacing his glasses now that the discomfort there had faded.
"The Fury Corp." she said, doing another awkward headshake."Kimura-san, Nishina-san-"
The mention of the latter caused him to cut in,"You spoke with Nishina-kun earlier." A statement, not a question.
Tensing, she bit her lip and nodded oddly."Of course you know," she grumbled, and a corner of his mouth quirked."Who told you? Kimura-san? I don't have to ask how he found out."
He supposed she indeed did not have to ask, but he clarified anyway:"According to him, he was on his way to check on Nishina-kun and noticed you walking away from the door to his room."
"Oh," she uttered, slumping a little."Yes, I passed Kimura-san on my way back here. Did Nishina-san tell him anything?"
"Basics," he replied, shrugging his right shoulder so as not to disturb her position at his left side."You had an argument, with him saying he doesn't trust you."
She gave her own humorless snort."He hates me."
"Surely not to the same level that Kimura-kun hates-"
It was her turn to cut in:"I'd rather not find out. Him practically kicking me out was enough."
"Practically?" He echoed."Kicked out?" Although she could not see it, he was narrowing his eyes, and he knew that the slow yet stern tone of his voice was sufficient to convey his displeasure.
"It's fine," she was quick to assure."He urged me to leave, is all."
"By 'guiding' you to the door, I presume?" He sounded more stern, and lightly tapped his finger on her hand to further indicate how displeased he was with what occurred in addition to her not telling him earlier.
"I-" She stopped, clicked her tongue on her teeth, and sighed."He more or less carried me to the door...and out of it."
Sanan arched an eyebrow and nudged his left shoulder, making Chizuru lift her head and look at him."By 'more or less', I assume you mean he dragged you?" His voice was even but she swore she saw a glint of...disapproval in his eyes through his glasses.
"Sanan-san-" Chizuru started to protest. He gave her a stern look, and she relented with a groan of frustration over succumbing to his commanding nature.
"He grasped my shirt and carried me out," she explained, expression wary and tired.
"I see," he slowly and calmly spoke."That was wrong of him." In a mutter, he added,"To put it mildly." The disapproving glint in his eyes grew.
Chizuru became more tense at his reaction, holding him tighter and nearer."It isn't a big issue. It's why I didn't intend to mention it."
Sanan arched an eyebrow. Pigs would fly before he believed an excuse like that."If you prefer to hide it, that means it is not a small issue." He gestured to himself."Case in point." Then he gestured her."And another example."
Chizuru slumped."Could you please just...leave it be...this once? I don't want to stir things up when everything is already," she paused to swallow."Unpleasant." That was an understatement, but finding a word to adequately describe a plight to this extent was impossible.
"Perhaps he ought to have thought of that first, however," he lifted his right hand to stop her from protesting and finished,"I will let it slide, this once." He lowered his hand and made a humorless sound."I suppose it is little compared to what Kimura-kun has said and done with myself."
Her head shot up, and her eyes widened."What did he-"
"Something I needed to hear, let us put it that way," he spoke with a dry tone and a thin smirk.
He refused to clarify what that meant, not because he wanted to preserve one's naive ignorance but because she wasn't stupid.
Her eyes further widened, and she chewed her lower lip."B-But..." She let go and dropped her hands to her lap, before giving a reluctant nod."Alright," she uttered, recognizing that this discussion would yield no more information.
He turned to her, grasping her shoulder and bringing her closer as he slightly bent down to press his lips to her forehead. As usual, she blushed at the affectionate contact, but it was comforting and she was happy to accept it.
"I think you're too harsh on Chizuru-san," Katamitsu remarked while he was sitting by Jun and inspecting how the latter went about settling his belongings. It was an instinct he'd developed since childhood, and served as a distraction/comfort whenever he was overly bothered. Without realizing, he had begun reaching to pick an item up.
Jun raised his head and opened his mouth to respond, pausing when he noticed what Katamitsu was doing. He made a tsk sound, causing his friend to freeze.
Katamitsu's gaze shot up, and Jun took this opportunity to bring up his index finger and move it from side to side while making more tsk sounds.
Katamitsu's face reddened slightly."I'm sorry, I can't help it."
"Uh-huh," Jun uttered, expression and voice depicting faux sternness to contradict the amusement glinting in his eyes.
Katamitsu scowled."Hey! I-" He was cut off when Jun's finger came closer to his face, and he narrowed his eyes in puzzlement afore starting to speak."I-mmph." His gaze shot up to glare at Jun.
Jun offered an explanation that could have been considered legitimate if not for the ghost of a smile on his face."I can't talk if your preaching and grabbing for my things keep interrupting me."
Katamitsu kept glaring at him, but made no attempt to resist. After a minute, he lowered his finger.
With that, they returned to seriousness.
Jun exhaled."I can imagine why you trust her," he admitted whilst he pretended to sort his belongings."She seems naturally trustworthy, and nice, but that's simply it." He snapped his fingers in an exaggerated way of conveying suspicion."Call me overly pessimistic, but I don't believe anyone is that easy to trust. It took me a little while to trust you. I found you fairly irritating and wondered if you'd been trying to brainwash me into joining the Shinsengumi."
"You still find me 'fairly irritating'," Katamitsu retorted with partial sarcasm."Even if it is a fond way." He pulled his knees to his chest and leaned forward to rest his chin on them. Then he tilted his head downwards."And I might as well have," he quietly added."Look where it got us."
Jun adamantly shook his head, and reached toward Katamitsu."Chin up," he commanded, grasping his chin with his thumb and index finger."You were as much in the dark about this literal and figurative madness as myself, Shigemori, Arimasa, and almost everyone else who drank that damn serum." He waited a second before letting go.
"Thanks," Katamitsu replied in gratitude for the reassurance.
Jun looked down at his things and exhaled once more."On that note," he began."For years, before she even ended up here, she kept her head down and her mouth closed regarding these secrets."
Katamitsu hesitated."She didn't know either."
Jun looked up with a scowl."How do you spend your whole life living in a small home with someone and have no clue what's going on behind the scenes, not noticing anything?" He scoffed."Furthermore, she's all too happy to go along with whatever that crooked doctor and our fearless leaders tell her. Even when she did decide to get curious, she still goes along with whatever they say." He threw his hands up."Grow a spine goodness' sake!" He brought up his hands to rub his temples."I will acknowledge that the fools who lead us deserve as much criticism for their own lack of spines and absence of brains."
Silence settled for a minute before Jun let out the longest and roughest exhale so far. He met Katamitsu's eyes."I'm simply repeating what I told her earlier, but you get the point."
Katamitsu shrugged."I asked the same questions in the beginning, I guess I changed my initial opinions based on instinct." He shook his head."But I won't force this on you."
Jun nodded."Like I said, I understand why you trust her." Then he jokingly muttered,"Idiot that you are."
"Well, I suppose I'm your idiot regardless," Katamitsu returned, eyes widening when he realized what he'd said and he looked back up at his friend to see the latter staring at him with an arched eyebrow and a tiny grin.
"Is that so?" Jun drawled, humming thoughtfully."Well, that isn't the worst way to put it."
Katamitsu was now frantically shaking his head and gesturing with his arms. His face was redder than ever."For the love of the gods, do not tell Shigemori and Arimasa about this!" He pleaded, now folding his fingers as if praying for salvation.
Jun snickered, showing no reluctance or pity."Hmm, Shigemori will likely be cackling until he runs out of oxygen." He emitted another thoughtful hum."I can't speak for Arimasa, and so I can't wait to find out."
Groaning, Katamitsu covered his face with his hands."Where's a shovel so I can dig up a hiding place when I need one," he mumbled.