"You know that your truth, the one that you hide…is the thing you are most afraid of."
― Patrick Ness, A Monster Calls
Three days and nights after Iba's arrival, he sat down with Sanan and Chizuru to begin discussing their investigation. They gathered around Sanan's desk.
Their expressions and body language were a mixture of eagerness and nervousness over a topic that had been slipping through their fingers for quite awhile. This in turn fueled their determination to get to the bottom of this. Chizuru most of all.
"Now then," Sanan began as he brought his hands into his sleeves."There is much to cover, let us start from the very beginning."
"Right." Chizuru nodded her head."When my father left-"
"No," Sanan interrupted a bit too quickly, startling her and Iba. Inclining his head, he added,"I refer to your childhood, my dear."
Chizuru widened her eyes. She should not be surprised this came up; she had been dreading it, in fact.
It was not outside the realm of possibility that whatever she witnessed Kodo do or say as she grew up might have played a part in what was currently going on. Of course Sanan would be suspicious about that in general, particularly her health claims.
She had let her sadness get the better of her in identifying with the Fury Corp.
Iba placed a hand on her shoulder, and tapped his fingers there as a light comfort. She relaxed, if only a bit, hoping his presence would help her regain some memories of him.
"When I was sick, you mean?" Chizuru asked, trying to keep her emotions at bay lest she reveal an unsafe amount.
Sanan dipped his chin."Precisely." He spoke to her and looked at her in a matter-of-fact manner. She appreciated him not coddling her, even as she was planning to carefully choose her words like she had with Itou not too long ago.
But she had no choice; she must honor her father's wishes - nay, commands - above all else. She was capable of revealing enough to be useful, to satisfy others. She would not dare call herself a master planner or manipulator, not even close, let alone to Sanan. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how one interpreted it, she witnessed Sanan's own word games and scheming that she could use for her own purposes. Perhaps someday, once Kodo was found, and she ceased being a burden to these men, she would apologize for that, though she could not afford to regret anything.
She wrapped her arms around herself and straightened her back."I don't remember much of it. I was little, I barely understood things." She swallowed thickly."The first I can best remember is age four. I was dazed; I'd fallen off the wagon while we were moving. That must be when it all started, or at least when we started noticing. I seemed to be alright, but not long afterward I was running around the house when I tripped and fell, not on my head or stomach or back, just a simple fall. But my father panicked. Later that day, he sat me down and explained what was wrong with my health." She touched the handle of her kodachi, and a small smile crossed her lips."Despite that, he made sure I kept my sword, he told me it was - is - too important to my heritage to ignore. I learned basics, to honor it. I wore safety equipment the whole time and haven't used it aside from that, but he insisted I keep it close."
She let out a breath and relaxed, though she could not bring herself to completely look at anyone, let alone Sanan. She figured he would be inclined to believe nostalgia and potential grief was influencing her. Iba might suspect the same.
At the very least, she praised herself for not stuttering or hesitating. She had not lied, having explained everything as Kodo had put it. He would be proud.
"That's all I can remember for sure," she concluded.
They were quiet for a moment. Iba lightly tapped her shoulder again, and this time she responded by resting her hand over his. Sanan studied her and then Iba and then her again as he processed what she had told them.
Eventually, Sanan let out a mix of an exhale and a hum whilst glancing at the notebook on the table that he'd readied to record whatever information was yielded by their search."I see," he uttered. He glanced back to them, or rather the person next to Chizuru."Iba-kun, what do you remember?"
Iba started to move his hand from Chizuru's shoulder, but she gripped it tighter, not wanting to surrender the comfort and reassurance he gave her. He complied, also taking a second to send her a tiny smile that she was further grateful for.
He remained calm and polite as could be as he began his own recollections."Well, I'm certain Chizuru-chan has mentioned how she could not play much with other children. Sometimes we got in trouble for it."
Chizuru shifted closer, eager and outright desperate to learn more, to regain the memories of the one person who supposedly did not deny or avoid her regardless of her health. Had they found a way around it? Hid it from Kodo? She hated to lie to her father, but the loneliness often got unbearable, and if there was a single person from her past who did not hide from her and was willing to not quite ignore it, then she must find out.
A thought flashed into her mind. Did...did Iba know? No, it would be one thing to forget a friend and another, worse entirely, thing to forget someone that important. It terrified her to wonder that the tiniest part of her hoped he was aware.
She was so, so tired of concealing it. Burdening someone, to that extent, would be terrible, yet she could not surrender the possibility.
Iba gestured to her with his free hand."I...I saw it once. When I was visiting your father's clinic. It was hidden well, but I saw it. I could understand why you took it that seriously. You looked like you were becoming physically ill and could hardly stand. He ushered me away, or I hurried out myself to respect your privacy, maybe a little of both." He turned to her and kindly added,"You were alright the next day, although you did have a bandage for a few days."
Chizuru nodded firmly, and unconsciously clutched one of her hands to her chest."Whenever I got hurt, we panicked. Even the smallest scratch could ruin..." She trailed off. She shut her eyes, trying to hold back her emotions as she had been doing since this began.
What else could she say? What else could she hear from Iba?
Having apparently gotten what he required for now, Sanan glanced back at his notebook and adjusted his glasses."It is safe to assume, then, that your sickness could have awoken when you fell off that wagon and hurt your head." He paused."Was Matsumoto-sensei aware of any of that?"
She shook her head. Kodo had forbidden her from admitting it to other doctors or medical professionals.
Chizuru could tell there were more questions Sanan wished to ask, but that it would be best to continue once all of this was processed and recorded. Here she was thinking a little like a scientist.
"That is enough for tonight then," Sanan confirmed her predictions."We will continue this tomorrow."
Relief overwhelmed Chizuru, though she was able to hide it with a bow of her head. She stood and marched to the door, pausing to give another bow that was reciprocated. Iba followed her out.
She had done it. She succeeded for now in protecting her treasured secret. Yet there seemed to be one crack, small though it might be.
Not until they were outside and a decent distance from that section of the compound did she dare to look at Iba, dreading and desperate to figure out whether he knew. As she did so, she was cradling her hand to her chest again. Why was she doing that? Was that hand where she'd been hurt when Iba claimed to see?
As if reading her mind, Iba reached to gently grasp her wrist and met her gaze, his smile kind and understanding. He brought a finger to his lips and made a shush sound; that was all she needed to see and hear.
He knew, and he helped her hide it. And she could not even remember it. What happened to cause her to forget a fact this crucial?
It unnerved her to realize this memory had been buried or destroyed somewhere and somehow. But it relieved her even more to realize that she was not alone in keeping this burden. Her father possessed good reasons for making her hide the truth, whatever they may truly and wholly be, yet in this moment she allowed herself to dismiss that.
She looked down, and released a shaky sigh."Thank you," she whispered, meaning it with all her heart.
"I take it the meeting didn't go well," Katamitsu spoke while coming at Sanan with his bokken held overhead.
Sanan easily parried the attack, and with minimal force pushed him away. As Katamitsu was staggering to regain his footing, he responded,"It went well. But I received the impression that the next one shall not."
After reading the requested books on swordplay to refresh his knowledge and prepare his brain anew, Katamitsu had decided to slowly restart training. Sanan suggested that it was preferable to go back to basics, which Katamitsu agreed with. Rushing would do nobody good here and now. It was a steady way to test each other for better or for worse.
Although Sanan had gotten what he wanted and written it all down, he could not suppress the feeling of being bothered. He was not so naive as to expect an immediate solution, yet something about Chizuru and Iba made him more suspicious than usual.
"Why is that?" Katamitsu questioned whilst circling him. Prior to delivering an attack, he guessed,"You suspect they're hiding something important?" He pretended to aim for his legs and at the last moment changed to hit his back. Sanan brought his bokken over his head and lowered it to shield the area at the nape of his neck and upper back. He swung it back up and to his front while managing knock Katamitsu off balance and having its top make contact with his chin.
"Yes," Sanan admitted, unable to withhold a sigh and hint of irritation."I suspect Iba-kun was giving her hints regarding their recollections."
"A little conspiracy then," Katamitsu wondered.
"Possibly," Sanan said, pressing his mouth into a thin line. He peered over his shoulder at Katamitsu with a raised eyebrow."What? No smug, sarcastic, suspicious remark about her?" He turned around as he spoke.
Katamitsu cocked his head."I hadn't realized you would miss it," he said dryly."I thought you liked me better when I was merely glaring at you and insulting you." He performed little to no effort to paraphrase what the older man had told him in this exact room not too long ago. Which resulted in a natural threat/promise against the latter's life.
Sanan scoffed."I've grown accustomed to it, loath as I may be to acknowledge."
"May be?" Katamitsu disbelievingly echoed, then gave his own scoff."Oh, please, you're one of the most easily offended people I've had the questionable pleasure of meeting."
Sanan scowled."I suppose I should be relieved that I am not the most."
Katamitsu rolled his eyes."Don't push your luck, colonel." No sooner had the retort left his mouth, than he jabbed his bokken toward his opponent's gut. Sanan narrowly evaded it by taking a step back. Lunging forward, he slammed and clashed his weapon against the younger man's, resulting in a struggle that left Katamitsu on the defensive.
Katamitsu succeeded in shoving Sanan away, though it was hardly helpful, since Sanan charged at him and clashed their weapons. The impact caused him to trip and land on one knee. He grunted as he kept his defense up, but it was clear he would not last much longer. Sanan pushed, and Katamitsu's arms ached, and he ground his teeth. He shut his eyes, taking in a deep breath, and then put all of his energy into lunging forward and driving Sanan backwards until his back met the wall.
Now Sanan was the one struggling, although he had less difficulty than Katamitsu. He relaxed slightly, allowing the opposing weapon get closer, and kicked Katamitsu's shin. A grunt came from his fellow Fury, and he stumbled away, barely maintaining his footing.
The younger Fury leaned away to avoid a swing. Sanan seized this distraction to split his fingers apart and aimed them to Katamitsu's eyes. A microsecond early, Katamitsu noticed this and brought his hand to the middle of his face as a block; the open middle of Sanan's hand touched the side of Katamitsu's extremity, causing his fingers to stop short of reaching their targets.
Impressed and pleased, Sanan allowed a smirk to cross his face. Without looking down, he used his free arm to point his bokken at his opponent's abdomen. Although Katamitsu understood what was about to happen, he was not fast enough to react, and yelped when he was hit in the stomach. He doubled over, dropping his bokken and wrapping his arms around his body. With a deep breath, he looked to Sanan and nodded his head.
This was sufficient for tonight. Here, he was not bothered or suspicious. Sparring was not as simple as some people might think, but it was more honest and clearer than word games. He acknowledged that he was guilty of slight hypocrisy in such categories. Even so, he nodded back and went about returning the two bokken to their place.
While Sanan was putting away their equipment, Katamitsu rose and folded his arms over his chest. Reluctantly, he grunted and said,"May I ask what actually happened?"
Sanan paused in his task."Of course. You will always be informed, with or without a request." He gestured toward the hall."Perhaps you should drink some water and eat first, lest you collapse during our conversation."
Katamitsu snorted."Fair warning: expect that issue from Jun."
"Ah," Sanan uttered sarcastically, a corner of his mouth quirking."Joy."
"Your experiences with some of the Captains should gift you some readiness in dealing with that."
Sanan arched an eyebrow."Along with your help?" He shot back, and then rolled his eyes."Or will you be watching from the sidelines, laughing?"
"Depends on my mood," he sweetly replied.
"What a relief to hear that," the colonel said with another roll of his eyes.
The amusement left them both as they pondered their situation some more. Sanan nodded slowly in agreement with his fellow Fury's earlier remark."I suspect Nishina-kun shall be the hardest to deal with. Considering our interactions, I haven't a clue what to expect from Kagae-kun and Ikoma-kun."
"That makes two of us," Katamitsu admitted whilst grimacing. He bit his lip."D-Did they tell you why Shigemori was...well, technically sentenced to seppuku?"
Sanan gave him a rueful look."If you refer to official reasons, then yes, it was because of him disobeying and disgracing orders in various manners, which I am sure you are already aware of." He shook his head."As to what prompted him to act that way, I am as confused as you are."
Katamitsu slumped his shoulders.
Turning away, Sanan muttered,"Take some time to recover, we will discuss the meeting's results later."
Without awaiting a response, Sanan left Katamitsu to his own musings.