Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it.
XV.
- Drowning -
"So this is where you guys sleep." Sakura was still looking around, while Ino sat comfortably in Sai's lap, absorbed in his drawings.
The hut was not as big as the ones she saw yesterday but big enough to accommodate the whole platoon and have a bed for each of the soldiers. Apart from the quiet drizzle coming from outside, there wasn't much noise to disturb the early afternoon silence, even though almost everyone from the squad was gathered under that same roof. At first, Sakura thought it wouldn't be appropriate to intrude her comrades' space like that, but Ino convinced her and now she found herself sitting on Sai's bed, observing everyone around her.
Most of them were laying on their own beds and occupied themselves with something that interested them. The infiltrating mission was appointed for tomorrow so they had to wait a day out. Accordingly, Shikamaru read a book, Tenten spoke with Temari about something while cleaning her gun, Lee was making abdominal presses. A little further Kiba and Chōji listened to music. Naruto made restless circles around Sasuke's bed as the latter was disassembling parts of what seemed to be a sniper rifle.
Sai was already drawing when Ino jumped in his lap and made countless attempts to draw his attention. She ended up clinging to his neck and watching him draw in something close to a trance, which made Sakura uncomfortable on a whole another level. Whenever Ino was with Sai, she would either embarrass herself with something and make her friend save the situation or just fall into one of those moods in which her friend was forced to retreat. Right now, it was the time for retreat.
Sakura recognized that look in Ino's eyes and there was no need to tell her that another presence wasn't required within the range of the two. Sai was ignorant of the way Ino looked at his expression, his usual emotionless mask now replaced by intent. Drawing brought some kind of character in him and seemed like more than just a hobby. Perhaps therapy was the better word.
Sakura sneaked away as quietly as she could, walking to the other side at a slow pace. Hands hugging her arms, she stopped next to Naruto and smiled at him. "Hey."
"Hey. You alright?" Naruto raised a brow, questioning her thoughtful expression.
"Yeah," she lifted her shoulders in a small shrug, meeting Naruto's eyes. "Just thinking. A bit nervous about tomorrow. What are you guys doing?"
Naruto stepped up to the bed, examining a black and long metallic pipe-like part, which Sakura assumed was the barrel, and stole something from the pile spread across the sheet.
"Give it back to me, moron," Sasuke raised his head, the rage in his tone suggesting Naruto's current thievery wasn't the first one.
"Shut your mouth. I'm teaching Sakura."
Sasuke's glare shifted on Sakura.
"As if she'd learn anything from a dumbhead like you."
"I'm the First Lieutenant now and I can do whatever I like. I can even order you to shove that barrel up your—"
"Naruto!" Sakura laughed. "Please."
He turned to her, handing her a shiny-looking object that she recognized at once. The cartridge was shelled by a copper-nickel alloy and weighed more than she expected it to. "S408 Seraph, 10.36 to 85 millimeters. This sweetie can pierce through anything. The performance is spectacular. You'll see stuff like this once in your lifetime."
"Am I supposed to be impressed by something like that?" Sakura mouthed absently, eyeing the bullet laying on her palm. Her attention was soon dragged by a loud clutch.
She looked at Sasuke as he stirred the bolt to the already assembled body of the weapon, producing the clear sound. The scope still wasn't on but the rifle was in a whole shape now and the view was quite impressive. The design was somewhat artful and Sakura didn't think any ordinary sniper rifle looked that way, as much as she had never seen one before. The carbon fiber in this one's chassis was dominating and the model had additional parts built-in, parts whose purpose she didn't know.
Naruto scoffed.
"You don't get it. The workmanship on this cadre of cartridges is perfect because they're a private production."
"Oh?" Sakura met his eyes.
"What do you think that S at the beginning of the name stands for?" Naruto pouted, eyes on the man sitting in front of him. "Apart from being a sorry-ass, he's rich enough to afford himself those. Some of us are not as lucky."
"Give that back," Sasuke intervened dryly.
Sakura walked to his bed and sat across, handing him the heavy ammunition. He took and left it aside, without looking at her. "The rifle's a private production, too, isn't it?" Folding hands, she watched him screw the scope to the main body with a rare for him calmness.
"Pretending to be interested in guns now?" he said, fixing the scope in place.
The heavy irritation in his voice contained enough negative charge for her to remain silent. Naruto sighed, sitting next to her. If she wanted a conversation, she had to reconcile with Naruto and Naruto only.
The door in the far end clicked open and Sakura turned to see two uniformed men enter the room, tired eyes and pale faces. Temari was the first to stand up and greet them. By the time she reached to hug them, Sakura was generally confused. Temari didn't seem to be as close to her comrades as she was with those two. And she certainly wasn't the type to be cordial to that extent.
"Who are they?" Sakura asked Naruto quietly, eyeing the newcomers.
"Kankurō and Gaara. They're from another platoon but come by often because of their sis."
The information lightened up Sakura's features. Siblings. She was certain that having brothers had a lot of positive sides. It was kind of weird that they appeared to have nothing in common, though. While Temari was blonde, with forest green eyes, Kankurō was overall dark in nuances. And the third one, he had astonishing auburn hair and captivating celadon irises. Anyway, they seemed to get along very well.
"What's up, guys?" Shikamaru stood from his bed to greet them too, although his expression hinted that he did it reluctantly.
"We're coming from Konoha South," Gaara pulled out something from his pocket. It was wrapped up in a piece of cloth and tied with a cord. "Our platoon will reside here for a while."
Thick silence expanded in the entire tent like a wave and Sakura glanced at Naruto, at a loss. The joy faded away with the mention of that name. Konoha South?
"We were there a month ago," Shikamaru scratched his head awkwardly. "Lost a lot of soldiers."
"I heard about it. Shimura's work."
"What's that?" Shikamaru wondered, nodding at the bundle in his hand.
"We had a way through the base..." Kakurō explained. "Most of the place was in ruins. Burnt to the ground."
"There are some things we found while passing," Gaara drawled, his voice lower and lower, "...thought he might want to keep it."
"He?" Shikamaru raised a brow. The pauses became thicker and thicker, and a lot of the attending comrades looked away from the brothers.
"There's a... uh," Gaara looked up, his eyes fixing on the single person that wasn't interested in the group meeting they were currently in the middle of. "A carved fan on it."
Sakura's heart sank with the realization and she shifted her eyes on Sasuke who was now looking down at his weapon without moving a single nerve. She wanted to do something about the dreadful gut feeling she had, but no one moved and no one said anything in one long moment. Gaara looked at his brother as if hesitating whether to speak or not.
"If you don't want it, I can get rid of—"
"—I'll take it," Sasuke cut him off, standing up sharply.
Gaara took a breath and waited for him to get nearer. "My condolences."
Sasuke took the cloth and loosened the tie, revealing a black steel combat knife but from the looks of it, the hold was used a lot. The handle was quite worn-out. Sakura didn't see much from that distance but was sure she wouldn't want to. Sasuke's expression was enough for her eyes to blur.
He covered the knife and nodded at Gaara before heading for the door. Everyone followed him leave and after the door shut, silence fell over again. What surprised Sakura was that most of the attendants moved on with their activity as if nothing happened. She stood up but Naruto caught her wrist, stopping her.
"Hey, he'll come back."
She turned to look at him, her tears on the edge of falling. "Does no one care...?" her voice faltered to a whisper.
"Don't worry," before Naruto could finish his sentence she was already hugging him tightly and he almost jumped at the unexpected change. "Huh?! Sakura? What are you doing?"
"I want to hug all of you," she choked out her words.
"Oh! Okay," he hugged her back, laughing a little.
The fact that those people were her age devastated her and all she wanted was to cry. Losing so much has made them stronger and harder, but she wasn't like them. She feared she'd never be. They didn't just accept death, they have grown used to it.
"That went well," Temari sighed, hooking at her brothers' arms. "You come sit on my bed now and tell me where you've been and what you've been doing in the last weeks."
"We're really tired, perhaps later..." Kankurō made a faint attempt to oppose, but she had already pushed them down harshly, hands on her hips. Looming over the both of them, she squinted.
"I don't remember giving you a choice."
Her vision was out of focus as the drops gathered in the center of her palm. The warm water showered down on her in the small cabin. A crazy thought but it was, in fact, better than her own shower back in the apartment. Although that one was way simpler looking than hers. Not more than a square meter, with those white walls and a white door she got the feeling she was in a hospital. Truth be told, she missed her floral-scented shampoo and all those small things that made her feel good and... safe.
The water brimmed over the cup of her hand continuously and she gave up on the view, growing pensive. Was she strong enough to endure it? She liked to think of herself as strong, but what was the actual truth? Her emotions have always stood in her way. It wasn't until a year or two when she got a hold on them and balanced them enough so that they'd fit into the adulthood she had stepped in. What use, though? She never got rid of them completely. Always finding a way to apply them in different ways, in different situations.
Emotions got the best of her every time and she wondered if it was the right choice to fight them or it was better to let them take over. If her entity was built on emotion, wasn't it wiser to master it so that it becomes a strength? As she thought about it, all her life she had always despised being so emotional and had tried her best to ignore that side of herself. But what if that emotion wasn't as useless as everyone said it was? In her medical experience, being sensitive had often proved to be life-saving in the literal sense. At a great cost too, but... Perhaps she was going against herself, after all, withholding something that can be a truly powerful and unique part of her.
The door creaked open and her first reaction was to flinch a step back in shock, hands crossing in front of her chest in an instinctive defensive position.
Sasuke closed the door and leaned back on it, not bothered even a bit by the view. In fact, he appeared so casual about it that Sakura blushed in a deep crimson. How did he know she was in the shower? Her clothes hung on the door's inner metallic hook, next to the towels. And his... well, he didn't have any.
As small as the space seemed to her before that, now it was downright claustrophobic, with Sasuke, whose presence was oppressing itself. Sakura was aware her posture was ridiculous, considering how much of her body was exposed. Not that it was that much of a disaster, but it was one to be stripped to nothing in heavy dusk, another to stand completely naked, under a bright light.
Minutes passed before her brows gradually formed a wrinkle of disapproval. Perhaps she was supposed to gloat over her victory as the words stay away from me still echoed in her ears and here they were, skin and bones, standing against each other again. She would've gloated, she would've poured her heart out, sipping on the triumph she earned herself because he was the one to sag from his course, but his eyes didn't let her. His anger was somehow abated, tucked aside, giving place to something she'd never seen there before. Something like melancholy. As if he was too tired to be sad.
Gloat? No. But she could use a curse or two for getting upset so easily. It was beginning to scare her that she held such a person so close to her heart, despite her attempt to treat him as she treated everyone else. But the heart was a treacherous thing and her own always acquired a special tempo of beating when it got the chance to be close to him. She didn't realize she had gotten away from the warm water until a shiver went through her body, coldness dripping from her short and damp hair onto her shoulders and down the curved, smooth line of her back.
"Couldn't find you anywhere," he commented absently, scanning her from head to toe with a quick glance.
The reality of the situation hit her at the moment he spoke out loud. Sakura made an attempt to form a word or a sentence of some kind but to no avail, all the words stuck in her throat. There could've been a chance of her replying if his body wasn't so distracting and if his intrusion wasn't as sudden. Was he always like that? Whenever his mind formed a desire of some kind he proceeded to fulfill it at the very second. She slightly bit at her lower lip. It was such a bad idea, though, with both of them being in a place where everyone could pass by.
He stepped forward, taking advantage of the still flowing water with affected ease. He didn't fool her, she had seen that tensed posture before. His eyes were insatiable of her form, scrutinizing it with maddening precision. His observation was so thorough that it completely disabled Sakura's ability to speak. Instead, she just decided to leave the soap in her hands back to the soap tray, using the movement as a distraction from him. That rapacious, thirsty look that slightly dimmed and darkened his vision was making her weak in the knees. He heated her up without getting to touch her even once. Burning red for sure, she gathered the courage to look back at him, hands relaxing at her sides. Looking at him had grown into some kind of an addiction. An unhealthy addiction, that is. She just couldn't find an escape from it.
Everything about him was magnetic. How he spared his words, choosing action instead. How he never admitted defeat, adamant and keen. And how, at the very moment, the water drops streamed down his sculptured body. The water outlined every inch of his defined skin. Sakura considered herself pale, even rosy, but his complexion resembled marble, white and immaculate. Almost immaculate. She forgot about the bullet wound on his shoulder. Although still dark red, the scar had acquired a healthier look now but she knew that a wound like that needed between three and six months to heal. As for his left hand, it was still an enigma for her. In any case, the markings have been received long ago. All in all, if he didn't look at her like that, she would've become envious on top of frustrated to her core.
Once the heavy thought process that went on his mind during those minutes finally ceased, she found herself pushed against the wall. Her breath came out of her lungs sharply, mouth half-opened, as she first came in contact was the coldness of the concrete and then the blunt pain he caused, forcing himself inside of her. He took advantage of it, entwining their tongues. The motion did start abruptly, but once they united Sakura cleverly took up the kiss and slowed it down a tad. Careful with the bullet wound, one of her hands wrapped around his neck as the other slid around his arm and pulled him closer. The new friction got her unprepared and she let out a soft moan. It had a strange domino reaction, she could feel him stiffen after the sound, and then shiver as if to shake off the physical effect her sounds had on him.
"Keep it quiet, Haruno," Sasuke spoke in her mouth, hoarse and demanding.
She hummed a little, nuzzling against his nose. No amount of threats could fool her when she could feel him, all of him, turned on and human. But if threats made him feel better about being so low, there with her, then she didn't mind. It wasn't her fault he invaded the shower like that and that he, fairly said, attacked her. And that he felt so breathtaking.
Tilting her head, she deepened the kiss, fingers brushing through his wet hair. Her thighs strained with a dull ache and this time she couldn't move an inch. Sasuke made a full grinding motion against her as he clenched her to the wall with enough pressure. The pleasure emerged on top of the discomfort through multiple piercing spasms that wrung another moan from Sakura. Unable to smother her voice, she cursed herself mentally for wishing badly to extend that feeling. He struggled not to give in again, his young voice making a small, accidental tumble of pleasure against her neck, and it was undoing her.
As much as she scolded herself for not training for almost ten days, now her muscles weren't as cut out as before and her skin was softer than she had ever let it be, which seemed to be the preferred state. Sakura never got the chance to ask him about his type, but judging from the way he relished on the spots where her skin was most delicate she concluded it was better she didn't train. Out of breath and heart pounding, Sakura couldn't help back away a bit, breaking the kiss. Something was wrong... she was almost sure what, which helped a lot. Sasuke furrowed, leaning in to kiss her again but she insisted on making a pause, peering into his lustful eyes.
"Can I ask a question?" she asked, wheezy.
But he renewed the pressure, his palm leaning on the wall behind her. A quiet cry escaped her lips, nails digging into the skin on his back involuntarily as her lips parted, "Oh god..."
"If you manage," he whispered in her ear, lips tracing down the line of her neck, the tingling touch of his warm breath on her skin sending visible shivers down her spine.
Sakura exhaled slowly, head bent back and eyes closed. Just when she thought she had regained control over the sensations that mingled in her body, she felt his right hand slowly lifting her leg higher, grinding hard skin against soft. Sasuke hurried to claim her mouth in a persistent kiss before she could moan louder than he'd allow. Apart from his quickened breathing and the way his fingers sometimes sunk into her skin, Sakura could feel nothing else. There was retroaction, yes but no trace of feeling. His body was inflamed but his soul mute. It bothered her. He wasn't like that the last time. Why was he so terribly quiet?
"It belongs to your brother... isn't it?" Sakura parted her mouth from his only to try and form distinguished words in between the heavy sips of air. "The knife."
Sasuke froze for a split second, but Sakura couldn't see his face because he hid. His temple already touched hers when she sought to read his expression. It always said so much but he chose to hide it this time. Because she hit the mark.
"Why didn't you..." Sakura breathed out, knowing that he would hear, no matter how quiet she spoke, "go to Karin—?"
He turned again, pressing her forehead against hers. His eyes were wild and wounded, and it shut down her vocal cords thrust against her forcefully, knocking the air out of her lungs, but never losing her second thrust carved a moan out of her and the third contorted his features. The sensations weakened his hold a tad, she noticed, his palm slid down as he tried to fight the maddening pulse between her legs. Her nails were sure to leave permanent markings on him.
That state of hers he seemed to find most pleasing than anything else. Keeping her there, on the edge, locked in the cage of her own pleasure. With the keys in his possession. He was following every single change in her features vigilantly and greedily, every twinge of pleasure, every writhing muscle, and lip twitch.
He could have Karin or anyone he wanted at any time, she assumed he only came to her to hurt and mock her for her grown attachment to him. To delve into her own soul in spite of his and shake its foundations until they crumbled to his satisfaction. She wanted to be mad at him, she wanted to hurt him too, striking at any of his weaknesses but he had none. How do you hurt someone who's lost everything?
Her body did not listen to her, searching to find a way to abate the fire, and soon gave in to the powerful sensation that shook and obsessed her, granting her with the needed relief. The fear that she wouldn't be able to suppress her voice was mastered in time, with Sasuke's hand pressing against her mouth. She learned her lesson well the first time and remained still until he didn't decide to move. Her eyes opened, senses refocusing. The water still flowed but she noticed it just now. As if clenched with a vice, her chest tightened with every heavy breath taken. He fell really hard this time, didn't he? Otherwise, he wouldn't... he wouldn't come to her.
In the midst of her ardent fever, a memory emerged in her, until now, completely empty of thoughts mind. The dry voice of a tutoress, as she talked to the soon-to-be doctors. Proud posture, big dioptres.
"Drowning people are unable to call for help... Voluntarily movement becomes impossible..."
His eyes were boring into hers, black and needy. She didn't know what to do for one long moment, deeply uncertain. She didn't... understand. Then he moved against her again, rutting into her one time, a second time, slower, and his breathing only grew more and more intercepted and heavy, and his eyes were still on her. A thought flashed through her mind and her eyes widened. Oh. Oh. Hyperventilation. He didn't finish. Maybe he couldn't. That knife... it pulled him back into a spiral of past events and memories, each more stressful than the other. He was like an open wound, of course he'd come to her.
"The respiratory system's primal function is breathing. Speech, dear colleagues, is subordinate."
Her shock was brief and then her hand crept up over his, squeezing her fingers between his and the wall and interlacing them. "Sasuke, you know you're safe with me," she whispered, leaning in close to his ear. "You know it. You told me." Sakura peered back into his eyes warmly. "Right?" She felt that this lack of control over his body upset him terribly, but for some reason, he could only afford it crumbling down around her. He turned a little, his features contorting with another wry grimace.
"Opposite to what books and movies have taught you, drowning doesn't involve screaming nor crying. Get that off your head."
Her body was still pulsing in heat around him and she hoped he could feel it. She used the closeness and her lips skimmed over his cheek and climbed up to his temple where she put a kiss. His breathing gradually calmed down and he took deeper breaths. He pressed his body even closer by instinct, making it slightly harder for her to breathe, and squeezed her hand hard. She was incredibly close, but her hand still turned his chin so that they can be eye to eye when the orgasm hit him at last. His pupils dilated vastly, but his jaw was clenched hard and no sound came out of him. It sent an intense heatwave through her body anyhow. She never heard a single sound from him. Only breathing.
Drowning, in real life, is very hard to notice from aside because it's quiet. Remember that.
Once his breathing was as normalized as hers, he detached from her and let her feet touch the ground with a slow movement. He seemed even worse than that time when he tried to end his life. If he only told her about it. If he only spoke out loud and told her about anything that went on his mind.
Sakura stepped aside, stopping the flow of the water and reaching for the towels on the door. She was supposed to feel used and deceived, which was supposed to make her angry. Yet, nothing of that caliber troubled her. There was only an overwhelming desire to alleviate the pain he carried but she didn't quite know how. He was still out of her reach, fighting battles. Away from any of the peace she offered. At least her voice reached him.
Sakura sighed, handing him a towel while covering her own body with another. She then stepped in front of him and peered into his eyes with a thoughtful expression. Sasuke furrowed at her inspection. Being a doctor, Sakura ascertained that humans never ceased to amaze. What a mystery they were and how unique each one of them stood in that vast world. At the same time... they weren't very different from one another in some spheres of life.
"I came here because I had to see... what you see, in order to understand," Sakura pondered.
"You haven't seen anything yet."
"I'm afraid it's not the battlefield," Sakura ignored him, continuing, "it's just you."
He remained silent. Of course he did. But she waited, certain that he'd come up with one of those vehement remarks of his, the ones that burnt through her heart like hot iron. Now that his high withdrawal took place, she prepared to receive a visceral wound.
"Why do you not hate me then? If I'm so bad in your eyes."
Sakura chuckled, smoothing the towel along her form. "That's..." she cast him a playful glance. "That's what you would do." His furrow only deepened but the clothes hanging on the door presented a greater interest for her at the moment. Taking them by hand, one by one, she ignored his presence completely. "Kakashi invited me over to his tent, you know. On a shot of whiskey. Said he kept it for special occasions."
"It's Captain Hatake, to you," he growled, his voice even lower than before.
"Oh, he said he doesn't like to be called by titles or such," Sakura shrugged.
Her hand reached for the handle and set the door ajar but Sasuke bashed it shut, making her flinch. Teasing him was the only way to get some spoken words out of his mouth. It wasn't the safest method but... it worked the last time. Leaning back, she still smiled at his furious expression.
"I rejected his offer," she stood on her tiptoes, the sudden closeness reminded him to step away but she caught his hand in the motion. "But you can come and visit my tent whenever you like. Okay?"
For the first time, he didn't endure her beaming eyes and looked away in something that looked like resignation. Sakura squeezed his hand lightly, hoping that the gesture was reassuring enough but he pulled away from her abruptly and opened the door, leaving before she could say anything to stop him.
Sakura knew there was a kind heart somewhere under all of that layered darkness and that's why she smiled again, despite that in the usual circumstances smiling with no one around would suggest the presence of a mental illness of some kind.
A/N: Thanks for reading. I'm so happy to be able to write some scenes with only SasuSaku. There's this thing about Sasuke that's really bad for fanfic writers. He's not romantic. Never. He has the potential, though. Sakura is flexible and I can mold her easily but Sasuke is a nightmare. Jealous Sasuke is actually a bit OOC itself, but guess I tried my best.
I'm updating this earlier because I really need to take care of my other fic. People are waiting for 3 months there and I shouldn't make them wait any longer. Uhh, I'll see when I can update here again, I hope it's gonna be soon. Chapter 16 is, I have to warn you in advance, quite violent. I describe some serious violence there, in a scene or two. I am not pro-violence, just the opposite, I just love details. And it's important for the plot. 'Till next time!